0:00:02 > 0:00:08Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce our guest of honour,
0:00:08 > 0:00:13one of Walmington-on-Sea's most distinguished citizens.
0:00:13 > 0:00:19A banker, soldier, magistrate and secretary of the Rotary Club.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23A good fellow all round.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Ladies and gentlemen, Alderman George Mainwaring.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Mr Chairman, Mr Town Clerk, ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:35 > 0:00:39when I was first invited to be guest of honour tonight,
0:00:39 > 0:00:46at the launching of Walmington-on-Sea's "I'm Backing Britain" campaign,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I accepted without hesitation.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- I- have always backed Britain.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54ALL: "Here, here!"
0:00:54 > 0:00:57I got into the habit of it in 1940,
0:00:57 > 0:01:00but THEN, we ALL backed Britain.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04It was the darkest hour in our history.
0:01:04 > 0:01:10The odds were absurdly against us, but, young and old, we stood there,
0:01:10 > 0:01:15defiant, determined to survive, to recover and, finally, to win.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Here, here!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21The news was desperate, but our spirits were always high.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:01:28 > 0:01:32# If you think we're on the run?
0:01:32 > 0:01:38# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:01:38 > 0:01:43# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:01:43 > 0:01:48# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:01:48 > 0:01:52# If you think old England's done?
0:01:52 > 0:01:57# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:01:57 > 0:02:03# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:02:03 > 0:02:08# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# If you think old England's done? #
0:02:18 > 0:02:23'The massive Nazi war machine is pushing its way across Europe,
0:02:23 > 0:02:28'laying waste neutral countries with a savagery unmatched in history.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38'When Hitler comes up against British troops,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40'it's a different story.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45'They fight him every inch of the way, giving as good as they get.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50'Is Tommy Atkins downhearted? We'll say he's not!
0:02:50 > 0:02:55'Why should he be with a leader like this?
0:02:55 > 0:03:02'To make Tommy's task more difficult, a new menace has been added to an already brutal struggle.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06'Parachutists trained to sabotage lines of communication.
0:03:06 > 0:03:13'And who knows? Even our own shores may not long be spared this, Hitler's latest trick.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15'We all have our part to play.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19'Every effort is being made to confuse the enemy.'
0:03:31 > 0:03:35CRASH! SPLASH!
0:03:36 > 0:03:41'So look out, Adolf. Every day, our defences are strengthened.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45'And if they do come, let's give them a sharp welcome.'
0:03:45 > 0:03:49AIR-RAID SIREN WAILS
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Ah, going home, are they?
0:03:57 > 0:04:02- Sir!- Well done, Pike. By Jove, these things are heavy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07The sand's wet, sir. If the tide had been out, it would have been easier.
0:04:07 > 0:04:14- They'll do. Don't take so long the next time.- That's not my fault, sir. I had to pick the shrimps out.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Ah, Mr Wilson. On there, please.
0:04:17 > 0:04:23It's a reasonable field of fire. It covers most of the High Street.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Oh, yes, I think we can happily say that Jerry's parachutists
0:04:27 > 0:04:32will be dead as mutton from Stead And Simpson's to Timothy White's.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37We'd see the pavilion if that woman would get out of the phone box.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41It's Mrs Hoskins calling her sister.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Let's hope Hitler stays his hand till Mrs Hoskins gets the pips.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48And until we get a machine gun.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53- Last one, sir.- They're not high enough.- There's no more sand, sir.
0:04:53 > 0:05:00- There's a beach full of it.- The tide's in! The water's up to here. It went over my mum's wellingtons.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Your mum's wellingtons are of little consequence
0:05:04 > 0:05:06when Europe is writhing under the Nazi heel.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Mum won't see it like that.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- We could get some more sand at low tide.- Time is not on our side.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15How much copper have we got?
0:05:15 > 0:05:20- Copper?- Yes, copper, pennies. - About ten £5 bags.- Go get 'em, Pike.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Lay them out along here.
0:05:23 > 0:05:30I don't think we ought to do that, sir. It'll cause a penny shortage. It'll be inconvenient.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35- They'll have to bear it. There's a war on!- Head Office won't like it.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38This is no time for red tape.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43At any moment, hordes of German parachutists may drop on us.
0:05:43 > 0:05:50They use disguises. They could come dressed as nuns, set up in that church and you'd never notice.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54- I- would, sir. That's the Methodist chapel.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- Two bags, sir.- Ah, well done, Pike.
0:05:58 > 0:06:05The cashier says shall we open an account in your name and give you an overdraft?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I'll talk to him later.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- KNOCK AT DOOR - See who that is, Wilson.- Yes, sir.
0:06:12 > 0:06:19- Pike, take this paper, lick it, and stick it in crosses on the windows. - It's an Army dispatch rider, sir.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- He's got a packet. - Poor devil. Was it a sniper?
0:06:24 > 0:06:29- It's for you, sir.- Ooh, ah! This is the moment I've been waiting for.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Pipped them to the post, did I?
0:06:31 > 0:06:36I sent a letter to GHQ, asking for instructions in case of an invasion.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- I told them I'd served in the last conflict.- The Orkneys, wasn't it?
0:06:41 > 0:06:48I was a commissioned officer, Wilson, and I served in France... during the whole of 1919.
0:06:48 > 0:06:54- Yes, but the war ended in 1918! - Somebody had to clear up the mess.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59- Where were you during the war? - Mons, Gallipoli. I was a sergeant.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Never mind that now.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06"Dear Sir, In view of the danger of enemy parachutists landing,
0:07:06 > 0:07:12"a force of local volunteers will be formed to guard strategic points.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16"This force will be the Local Defence Volunteers."
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Miss King?- It's Anthony Eden!
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- In person?- On the wireless. They say it's important.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29INTERFERENCE
0:07:30 > 0:07:37'We want large numbers of such men in Great Britain, who are British subjects,
0:07:37 > 0:07:41'between the ages of 17 and 65 - 17 and 65.
0:07:41 > 0:07:47'The name of the new force will be the Local Defence Volunteers.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52'This name describes its duties in three words.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58'Here, then, is the opportunity for which so many of you have been waiting.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03'Your loyal help will make and keep our country safe.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Right! Let's go to it! Back to work, Miss King.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11We've got to set up an invasion committee.
0:08:11 > 0:08:18- Pike!- Yes, sir?- Whatever's the matter, boy?- I feel sick, sir, licking all this paper.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Now listen, we three are the invasion committee.
0:08:22 > 0:08:29- We appoint a properly appointed commander.- A what, sir?- Appoint a properly appointed commander - me.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- ..All right?- All right.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- You will be my second in command. - Thank you, sir.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41What next? Means of conveying information to the public.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45An information officer will be appointed. Pike, that's you.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50The information officer will be supplied with a megaphone. ..Oh.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Ah!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Hold that, Wilson.- Yes, of course.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Like that?
0:08:58 > 0:09:02You'll find that improvisation is the keynote to...
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- ..success.- Well done, sir.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09There's your megaphone, lad.
0:09:09 > 0:09:15You're to jump on your bicycle and go round the town delivering this message.
0:09:15 > 0:09:22"All local defence volunteers, report to the church hall at 6pm." Try that.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24(All defence...)
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Oh, come here. Let me show you.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30ALL LOCAL DEFENCE VOLUNTEERS
0:09:30 > 0:09:36TO REPORT TO THE CHURCH HALL AT 6 O'CLOCK TONIGHT!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38There we are.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I don't know how you do it.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46History repeats itself, Wilson.
0:09:46 > 0:09:52Times of peril bring great men to the fore. Wellington, Churchill...
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Al Jolson.- Al J...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08# There's a boy coming home on leave
0:10:08 > 0:10:11# There's a girl wants him home on leave... #
0:10:11 > 0:10:14The meeting was for 6. It's 6.20.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18I could have had time for a round of golf...
0:10:18 > 0:10:23- Excuse me.- Do you mind? We're waiting for the appointed commander.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- I am the appointed commander. - Oh, sorry.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Ah, there you are, sir.
0:10:29 > 0:10:35- Did you get the enrolment forms? - No.- Had the police station run out?
0:10:35 > 0:10:41- I would have had to put in an application form. - Why didn't you?- They'd run out.- Oh.
0:10:41 > 0:10:48- I got those, however.- Paying-in forms?- Don't keep putting obstacles in the way. Get the first man in.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Would you mind stepping this way, please?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Wilson, come here.- What, sir?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I intend to mould those men out there
0:10:59 > 0:11:02into an aggressive fighting unit.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I'll lead them, command them, inspire them to be ruthless killers.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11I won't get very far if you invite them to step this way!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- It's quick march!- Quick march!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Not much point. I'm here already.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Name?- James Fraser.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24- Occupation? - I keep a philatelist's shop.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- How do you spell that?- S-H-O-P.
0:11:26 > 0:11:33S... Thank you very much(!) I imagine you've not had previous Army experience.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- No!- We can tell. Once a soldier, always a soldier.
0:11:37 > 0:11:43I'm a sailor. Chief Petty Officer, Royal Navy - retired.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Sign there.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Are you swearing?
0:11:49 > 0:11:55- I never said a word.- You Army types. Swearing an oath of allegiance!
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Oh...yes, yes, of course. We'll do that later. Wait outside.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03The Boys' Brigade isnae in it(!)
0:12:03 > 0:12:09- Watch that man.- Yes, sir.- Bolshy Jack Tars.- I agree.- Next man.- Right.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Next one, please. All right, quick march!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15..Halt.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- How do you do?- How d...?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Name?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Godfrey - Charles Godfrey.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- Occupation?- Retired, but I was 25 years in the Civil Service.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31- Really? Indian or British? - Civil Service Stores.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Any previous military experience?
0:12:36 > 0:12:41I was in the sports department. That meant archery and air guns.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46Yes, well, no doubt your specialist knowledge will be of great use.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- Sign there, would you?- I'd love to!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Is that all?- For the moment.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59- Don't I get a receipt?- This is a fighting unit, not a dry-cleaner's!
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Do that, would you, please?
0:13:03 > 0:13:08I'm sorry. Right turn! Quick march! And just bear round to the right.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Evening, gents!- Name?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16My card.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20"Joe Walker, wholesale supplier."
0:13:20 > 0:13:25I suppose you won't be with us long. You'll be called up any day.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Oh, no, guv. I'm whatsitsname? Reserved occupation.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- How do you work that out? - I supply central supplies.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39- Any previous military experience? - A girlfriend in the ATS!- Sign here.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44Oh, by the way, any time you gents require anything, just give us a tip.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- We'll bear it in mind. - Right turn! Quick march!- Pardon?
0:13:49 > 0:13:54- Right turn! Quick march! - You might wait for the ink to dry!
0:13:55 > 0:14:02Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, halt, stand at ease!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Evening, Mr Mainwaring, Mr Wilson. You know me.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Mr Jones the butcher! - That's right, sir!
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- Isn't Mr Jones a little old? - Old?! Who are you calling old?!
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Let me at those Jerry parachutists. I'll sort them out.
0:14:18 > 0:14:24- Keenness counts, not age. - I'm as keen as mustard. - Any previous military experience?
0:14:24 > 0:14:29Now you're talking. I signed on as a drummer boy in 1884.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Later, I saw service in the Sudan, fought the fuzzy-wuzzies.
0:14:34 > 0:14:40Their great long knives zip you open. They soon know if you've got guts.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47The fuzzy-wuzzies were the only ones that could break the British square.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Those Jerries couldn't break the skin off a rice pudding.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55They don't like the cold steel. They don't like it up 'em...
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Get him a chair, Wilson.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01- Do sit down, Mr Jones. - They don't like it, you see.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Thank you, sir. I'm not as young as I was.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10But that won't stop me being in there with bayonets, cold steel...
0:15:10 > 0:15:15- I think you've made your point. Sign there.- Certainly, sir.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17When did you leave the Army?
0:15:19 > 0:15:231915, sir! I was invalided out, sir. The old minces.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28- I couldn't focus.- Presumably that's why you signed the table.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I beg your pardon, sir.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Right. Thank you, Mr Jones.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Oh, sir?- Yes?- There's...
0:15:38 > 0:15:44- There's a couple of pounds of steak, sir. Compliments of the house.- Oh!
0:15:44 > 0:15:49- By the way, sir, what about my stripe?- Your stripe?
0:15:49 > 0:15:54- I was a lance corporal for 14 years. Can I keep it?- I'm afraid you can't.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57In that case, I'll keep the steak.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Let's not be too hasty about this.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- We shall be needing NCOs.- Yes, sir.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09Jones's previous experience could stand us in very good steak...stead.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- Oh, yes.- Right. That's all...Lance Corporal Jones.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Thank you, sir! Well, TTFN. About turn!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Left, right, left, right, left...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Can I do you now, sir?
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Yes, very good, very funny. Awfully good.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Oh, we'll share this later.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33MAN SHOUTS >
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- Who's in charge here?- I am. Why? - Get this hall cleared out at once.
0:16:38 > 0:16:45- History is taking place in there. - In five minutes, an ARP lecture is taking place in this hall!
0:16:45 > 0:16:50- I'll requisition this hall for military purposes.- Too late, mate.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55It's already been requisitioned for the civil defence. Get them out.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00- You're asking the Army to retreat? - You've had practice!
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- Stop.- We don't want to get excited. I've got my job and you've got yours.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11If you want to carry on in this office, fine, but get this lot out quick sharp!
0:17:11 > 0:17:18- We've only enrolled four. - We'll have to dispense with formalities. Get them all in here.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Right, come on!- At the double.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25All right, gather round.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Quickly, please. We all in?
0:17:30 > 0:17:35Now, men, you answered your country's call today.
0:17:35 > 0:17:42We're all here to defend our homes and our loved ones. I know you will not shirk that duty.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47With no guns, we are naked, but we have one invaluable weapon -
0:17:47 > 0:17:51- ingenuity and improvisation. - That's two.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I want you all to go to your homes,
0:17:54 > 0:17:59gather what weapons you can and come back here in an hour's time.
0:17:59 > 0:18:04From tonight, whatever the odds, we Englishmen...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06we British...
0:18:06 > 0:18:09we here are going to be able to say,
0:18:09 > 0:18:13"Come on, Jerry, we're waiting for you!"
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Don't forget gas masks. Dismissed.
0:18:16 > 0:18:21# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:18:21 > 0:18:25# Cheerio, here I go, on my way... #
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Squad, attention!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Try to get it right. Stand at ease!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Attention!
0:18:38 > 0:18:43All right, sir. The men are all ready for your inspection.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Very smart, Corporal.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51..What's that supposed to be, boy?
0:18:51 > 0:18:56- You said tie a knife to a broom handle.- I didn't say keep the brush!
0:18:56 > 0:19:01- You should've said!- Insubordination. Take his name, Sergeant.- Name?
0:19:01 > 0:19:06YOU should know. You've been my mum's friend since before I was born.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Well, see it doesn't happen again.
0:19:11 > 0:19:17- Where did you get that gun?- Eh? - THE GUN, where did you get it?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- It belongs to my friend, actually. - I see...
0:19:23 > 0:19:28- He's got a friend...a gun! - Yes, I can see that, sir.
0:19:28 > 0:19:34- I'm the officer.- Yes.- You're the sergeant.- Yes.- We ought to have that.- I agree.- Ask him for it.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39- It would have more authority coming from you.- No.- Right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Um, excuse me...
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- Mr Mainwaring would rather like your rifle.- Who?- Captain Mainwaring.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- He can't have it. - Godfrey, hand over that gun.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Why should I? - Are you refusing to obey an order?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57We could have you shot for this.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Tricky. He's the one with the gun!
0:20:01 > 0:20:06- Permission to speak, sir! - Permission granted, Corporal.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- Why don't we take it in turns to have the gun, sir?- Excellent idea!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- Draw up a rota. Put my name at the top.- Well done.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19- That's looks formidable.- I pull him in with that then gie him that.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26You needn't have bothered to dress.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31As a matter of fact, it's my wife's birthday. We're going out for dinner.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35- Do you think you'll be long? - That depends on Jerry.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40- We don't want to interfere with... social arrangements.- It's all right.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- We haven't really been introduced. - No.
0:20:43 > 0:20:49- May I introduce Captain Mainwaring? I didn't catch your name...- Wilson!
0:20:49 > 0:20:54- What are you doing?- I don't know. I thought he might ask me too.- Oi!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Your wife's birthday today?- Yes.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Got her a present? - I haven't had time.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Hang on. ..Hold that, Taffy.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Anything there you fancy?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I say!
0:21:08 > 0:21:12There's a nice little thing. 15 jewels, 18 carat, Swiss-made.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Ten quid and it's yours.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20- That's extraordinarily generous of you. Thank you very much.- Ta.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Can I interest you? ..Thought not.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Squad, stand at ease! Stand easy.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Splendid turnout, men. Splendid.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33If in one hour, we can achieve this formidable fighting potential,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37think what we could do with a week's training.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42- GHQ are rushing weapons and uniforms down here.- That's good!
0:21:42 > 0:21:47Meanwhile, time is not on our side. The enemy may strike tonight.
0:21:47 > 0:21:54- We must learn how to deal with it. Squat on the floor.- At the double! - How can they squat at the double?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Now...
0:22:01 > 0:22:06Sgt Wilson has kindly drawn this representation of a German tank.
0:22:06 > 0:22:13I want you to observe the following points. Heavy armour at the front, usually four inch plating.
0:22:13 > 0:22:1840, 50 or 60mm repeating canon here. Heavy machine guns here and here.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Light machine guns here, here and here.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26High pressure flame-thrower here in the front.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31And I'm told on very good authority two hand grenade throwers.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35A formidable opponent, but we're going to tackle it.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39- The question is - how? - How about some sugar, sir?
0:22:39 > 0:22:46- Sugar?- Yes.- How would you use it? - Stick it in the petrol tank and the engine fizzles out.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51- I see. A very good idea.- Yes. Shall I apply for an extra sugar ration?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Yes, if it doesn't work, we can put the rest in our tea.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- How about some spuds?- Spuds?!
0:22:59 > 0:23:06Yes. You stuff one up the exhaust pipe and that stops gases coming out of the engine and the engine stops.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I see.
0:23:08 > 0:23:14These Nazi tanks are equipped with very long, thin exhaust outlets.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17We could use long, thin spuds.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- Charnock beauties are long and thin. - King Edwards.- What about a carrot?
0:23:20 > 0:23:26- Shall I order potatoes?- Yes.- If it doesn't work, we can have chips.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34Your suggestions have stimulated a very lively discussion, but today we'll concentrate on my methods.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Now, here are the weapons.
0:23:36 > 0:23:42Blanket, tin of petrol, crowbar, petrol bombs and a box of matches.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Now, this is the procedure.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51First of all, we take cover, concealing ourselves from the tank.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56- Here, here.- We hear the tank coming, and as it draws level,
0:23:56 > 0:24:01the first man soaks the blanket in petrol and rushes towards the tank.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04We need a tough, commando-like boy. Pike.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11The second man will light the matches and set fire to the blanket.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- Sir, can I volunteer for that? - Very well, Corporal.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- Do you think that's wise, sir? - ..All clear so far?
0:24:19 > 0:24:24Fraser, you'll prise open the lid of the tank with the crowbar.
0:24:24 > 0:24:30Walker will have bombs which will be pushed into the aperture.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- Any questions? - What are you going to be doing?
0:24:34 > 0:24:41I shall be observing from behind cover and deciding whether or not to send in a second wave.
0:24:43 > 0:24:50Now, you must understand that the most important part of the whole operation is the decoy.
0:24:50 > 0:24:58It is essential that one man draws the attention and fire of the tank gunners to him and away from us.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02You'd better be the decoy. Bracewell - you, you.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Let's try it. Get your weapons.
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Right, decoy, over here. You work over here in this corner.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17Godfrey, you're in charge of the tank at the other end of the room.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21Sgt Wilson will blow a whistle when we're ready.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26- Sarge, can I put the petrol on now? - This is a dummy run.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- Stand by! - WHISTLE TOOTS
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I-I say!
0:25:32 > 0:25:36That's no good! Draw their fire. Do it again.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I-I say, you Fascist beasts!
0:25:41 > 0:25:46- Where's the blanket?! - Sorry, I didn't hear them coming.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Start again, start again.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- This time, make a noise like a tank. - WHISTLE TOOTS
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- Vroom, vroom... - I say, you Fascist beasts!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Blanket! ..Right, set fire to it!
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I can't get the matches to light, sir!
0:26:05 > 0:26:12- Wait a minute! Wait a minute!- Right, back to the start. Start again.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Here we are, sir.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Pike, take charge of the matches.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22- All right, sir? - I'll have the blanket, sir.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24WHISTLE TOOTS
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Vroom, vroom, vroom...
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line... #
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Now, sir!
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Walker, get the bombs in! Pike, light the...
0:26:37 > 0:26:40FRANK! It's your bedtime!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Mum, I'm blowing up a tank.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45You'll have to blow it up tomorrow.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Arthur! I'm surprised at you. You know what time he goes to bed.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Go along, Frank.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- Yes, go along, Frank.- Mum!
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- Will you be round later, Arthur, for your usual?- Mavis...
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Please! Later. All right, fall in.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05A lorry! A lorry from GHQ, sir.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Ah, this is it, men! Our weapons and uniforms have arrived.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Captain Mainwaring, sir!- Yes. - Just sign there, sir.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19- Sergeant, get the men to unload. - That won't be necessary, sir.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Your uniforms and your weapons.
0:27:22 > 0:27:29- ..Thank you, sir.- Good Lord. Pepper. - Pepper?!- Pepper - enemy, for throwing in the face of. Five feet.
0:27:31 > 0:27:39Perhaps not quite what we expected, but every weapon in our armoury is another nail in the enemy's coffin.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44Hand out the armbands, Corporal. Sergeant, dish out the pepper.
0:27:48 > 0:27:53Have it with you always. If you see parachutists, let them have it.
0:27:53 > 0:27:58- That and the cold steel, sir.- That's the spirit. We're making progress.
0:27:58 > 0:28:04A short time ago, we were undisciplined. Now we can deal with tanks.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08We could kill with our pikes and make them sneeze with our pepper.
0:28:08 > 0:28:14Even the Hun is a poor fighter with his head buried in a handkerchief.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19But remember, men, we have one invaluable weapon on our side.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21We've an unbreakable spirit to win,
0:28:21 > 0:28:28a bulldog tenacity that will help us to hang on while there's breath left in our bodies.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32You don't get that with Gestapos and jackboots.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35You get that by being British.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Come on, Adolf! We're ready for you.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40HURRAH!
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd