0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town On the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:49# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:53 > 0:00:57'May 15th, a special day for the citizen army, the LDV!
0:01:00 > 0:01:05'Though it's only a few days since they answered their country's call,
0:01:05 > 0:01:12'after a brief inspection the men prepare an ambush for enemy armoured cars.'
0:01:18 > 0:01:21CINEMA AUDIENCE CHUCKLE
0:01:21 > 0:01:24'Shortage of weapons is no handicap.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29'Whatever can be used to harass the enemy is pressed into service.'
0:01:38 > 0:01:40CRUNCH
0:01:40 > 0:01:43AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:01:50 > 0:01:57'Veterans of many campaigns, now they are fighting for their homeland. They know every street, every bush,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01'and every inch of their own country.'
0:02:13 > 0:02:19'For strenuous exercises like these, the men must be really fit.'
0:02:20 > 0:02:22AUDIENCE LAUGH
0:02:22 > 0:02:25'Of one thing we can be sure...
0:02:25 > 0:02:28'If Hitler tries his tricks here,
0:02:28 > 0:02:34'Britain's Local Defence Volunteers won't be caught with their pants down.'
0:02:39 > 0:02:45# 'I saw you in the light of seventeen candles... ' #
0:02:45 > 0:02:52He's ages late, ain't he? Perhaps yesterday's LDV manoeuvres were too much!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Like kids playing soldiers. "Let me tell you..."
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Morning, Miss King. Morning, Pike.
0:02:58 > 0:03:06- Has Mr Mainwaring signed the reconciliations?- The out tray, sir. - Would you get his mail, Pike?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Oh, Lord...!- Morning, Pike!
0:03:08 > 0:03:15- Dear, oh, dear!- We're not spreading alarm and despondency are we?- It doesn't look good, sir. Have a look.
0:03:15 > 0:03:22- Oh, dear, it doesn't.- I think General Galt is letting the Boche extend his lines of communication,
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- then BANG! Right in the underbelly. - Funny - someone told Mrs Pike that.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34That sounds like a case of careless talk, to me! Sit down, Wilson.
0:03:34 > 0:03:41- Thank you, sir, very much.- I wanted to chat about those manoeuvres.- Yes. - We learned lessons.- I'm sure.- Yes.
0:03:41 > 0:03:49- But we didn't get the unthinking obedience of an efficient fighting unit.- Oh, I wouldn't say that, sir.
0:03:49 > 0:03:56- I would! When I ordered them across the river, did I get unthinking obedience?- Perhaps some did have...
0:03:56 > 0:04:02- a thought about it, sir.- Precisely. And put it into words!- Did they?
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Unless I misheard, when I gave the order, someone said, "Get stuffed!"
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Er, probably that bolshie Scotsman, sir.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- It was an English voice.- Yes, well,
0:04:14 > 0:04:20he's very crafty, sir, you know. Very crafty... I'll watch him, sir.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- The point is this - nobody crossed the river!- Yes, well, I...
0:04:25 > 0:04:32- Some of us had on our best clothes. - It wasn't YOUR best suit.- It was my father's. I'm rather attached to it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:39- Pike did attempt, and fell flat on his face, of course.- I would have welcomed some co-operation from YOU
0:04:39 > 0:04:47- as second in command.- I was first to cross the bridge.- I explained it was demolished.- But it wasn't, sir!
0:04:47 > 0:04:52- You're supposed to PRETEND it was demolished.- We all PRETENDED it was.
0:04:52 > 0:05:00We just used it to help us pretend that we were crossing the river... You see? ..without getting wet.
0:05:02 > 0:05:09I'm sure, sir, with uniforms, you can send us charging through every river in the county with impunity.
0:05:09 > 0:05:16- I'll remember that, Sergeant.- Any news of the uniforms, sir?- Another six weeks at least. And the rifles.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21I see. Six weeks. Until then, we fight Hitler's parachutists
0:05:21 > 0:05:23with a shotgun, 15 carving knives,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26and Lance Corporal Jones' assegai.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30You're forgetting Bracewell's No.3 iron.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I think he'd do rather better to take a wood, if you ask me.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- Here's the post, sir. - Oh, thank you, Pike.
0:05:38 > 0:05:45- Well! You survived your ducking. - Yes, sir. At home, I wallowed in a hot bath.- Wallowed?
0:05:45 > 0:05:52- That's not very patriotic. You're only allowed six inches of water. - I worked it out.
0:05:52 > 0:05:577 6-inch baths a week means 42 inches of water. I do better!
0:05:57 > 0:06:00With 2 15-inch baths I save 12 inches!
0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Save your mathematics for your work, Pike. That's all!- Yes, sir.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- Oh, dear!- What's that, sir?- Account closed for the duration.- What one?
0:06:10 > 0:06:16The Peabody Museum Of Historical Army Weapons. The curator's joined the Navy.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21It's closed down. We're to transfer the funds to a deposit account.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- Make a note, will you?- Sir. What was the name of it?
0:06:25 > 0:06:30- Peabody Museum Of Historical Army Weapons.- Right, sir. I'll see to it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:36- Excuse me. ARMY weapons?- By Jove! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- I doubt it, sir.- It may be of use. - I wouldn't get too excited, sir.
0:06:40 > 0:06:48- Their chief exhibit is a full-scale replica of Boadicea's chariot.- They go for the Crimean and Boer wars.
0:06:48 > 0:06:55- Surely such things are no use to US, sir?- Nonsense! The rifle pattern hasn't changed since the flintlock.
0:06:55 > 0:07:01- What was Ladysmith relieved with?- I really hadn't given it thought, sir.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- Carbines! 303 carbines, or I'm a Dutchman.- I'll attend to it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- I'll get it touch with GHQ. - No! Wilson!
0:07:09 > 0:07:16We can't wait for bumph from GHQ. Before another dawn, the sky may be black with parachutists!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18We must have them today! ..PIKE!
0:07:18 > 0:07:26- Yes, sir.- Go and get a handcart. - Handcart, yes... Where?!- A builder, grocer, Boy Scouts. Use initiative!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Yes, sir.- Well, go on - move, boy.
0:07:28 > 0:07:34- Wilson. Parade the men at 1600.- The shops don't close until 5.30, sir.
0:07:34 > 0:07:40- They can still be ready by 6. - That would be- 1800,- sir.- Er, quite.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- Right, 1800, then. Operation Gun Grab.- I'll see to it, sir. Oh...
0:07:45 > 0:07:52If we just breeze along into this museum, take these guns, and, you know... Won't that be stealing?
0:07:52 > 0:07:59- There's a WAR on! - I'm fully aware of it. Nevertheless, it is still stealing.
0:07:59 > 0:08:06I'm a commissioned officer. I shall requisition what I think fit to defend this town!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Take this down, Miss King.
0:08:08 > 0:08:16Under the emergency powers vested in me by His Majesty the King, I, Capt George Mainwaring, hereby...
0:08:16 > 0:08:21# '..He adore that little king without a crown... ' #
0:08:21 > 0:08:28Oh, Mum, I wish you hadn't come here tonight. It makes such a fool of me!
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I'm not having you come home like you did on Sunday, wet through!
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Mr Mainwaring ought to be ashamed! Mum!
0:08:36 > 0:08:43Evening gents. And ladies! Ah! I got ten minutes before parade to show you a few essentials in short supply.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48Come here. Hair grips, chocolate biscuits... Oh, and elastic.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53How about that? Ooh, how much? Five bob a yard.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58It ain't been in the shops so long, you ladies must be getting desperate.
0:08:58 > 0:09:05Evening! Here, Mr Fraser, your chump chop. ..Here. I'll get the money in a minute.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Mr Godfrey, here's your sausages. Thank you!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14What on earth is going on in here?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Just distributing some essentials.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Schweinhund Englander. Deutschland uber alles! Achtung!
0:09:26 > 0:09:27BANG!
0:09:27 > 0:09:31You fools! You're dead, every one of you!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36That is a German grenade.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- Is it?- I am a German paratrooper. And you are all dead.
0:09:41 > 0:09:48- Now! Why wasn't a sentry posted? - The parade doesn't start for five minutes.- Sir, we wasn't ready!
0:09:48 > 0:09:56- If you think the Nazi hordes will wait, think again.- Mr Mainwaring, I won't have Frank getting wet again.
0:09:56 > 0:10:02- You're not wading through any more rivers?- We may, if Hitler flings himself upon us.
0:10:02 > 0:10:10That's different. You expect it. But not just to please YOU. I'm surprised someone didn't tell you...
0:10:10 > 0:10:13They DID, Mrs Pike.
0:10:13 > 0:10:19- Shall I, er, get the men to fall in, sir?- Thank you, Sergeant. - ..Would you mind sort of falling in,
0:10:19 > 0:10:26- in three neat rows? All right...? - I'll be off, Mr Mainwaring. - ..Thank you very much...
0:10:26 > 0:10:31- (Don't be late tonight, Arthur.) - Mavis, please, for heaven's sake.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Everybody...? All right, squad, come on... Squad, atten-shun!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Where's he GOT to, for...?
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Ah! The men are all present and correct, sir.
0:10:44 > 0:10:51- No, sir. Bailey's not present and correct, sir.- Why not? - I got him counting the coupons.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56Had I not done so, I would not also have been here present.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01- We always count coupons on Monday. Monday, sir...- Thank you, Corporal.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03..or there wouldn't be no meat.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10- Stand the men at ease.- All right, sir. ..Er, would you mind just...
0:11:10 > 0:11:13standing at...?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- In the form of an order!- Sorry, sir.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Platoon...stand at EASE!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Ah, that was VERY...!
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- But they ARE at ease, if you see what I mean, sir.- STAND EASY!
0:11:26 > 0:11:31I won't beat about the bush, men. We'll requisition the arms we need
0:11:31 > 0:11:36- from the Peabody Museum Of Army Weapons. - Permission to speak, sir?
0:11:36 > 0:11:43- Yes?- They won't let you have nothing, sir.- Why not? The museum is closed for the duration.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48- There's only some old fool of a caretaker.- That's my father.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Oh...
0:11:49 > 0:11:55Your dad?! Blimey, he must be getting on. What? He's only 88!
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Mind you, he was very young when he had me. He married again last year,
0:12:00 > 0:12:05for the third time. Between you and me, I think he had to.
0:12:05 > 0:12:11We shall put in an official requisition. Anyway, he's too old to stop us.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16He's very ugly when he's roused. Runs in the family.
0:12:16 > 0:12:22- There's no call for that! I'll have you for insubordination.- That'll do! - I'll fizz 'im!- I think not.
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Well, he's had it for offal! I was only joking!
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Quiet in the ranks! ..Pike, got the handcart?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35- No, sir, but Henry'll lend his horse and milk float.- Who?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- Henry, sir. The milkman. - Oh? Very generous.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- He's come himself. He's over there.- Ah!
0:12:43 > 0:12:49That's right, cock! See, Flash, my horse, he won't shift for no-one but me.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Oh, I see. Capital!
0:12:52 > 0:12:58- Fall the men in outside. Quick march to the Peabody Museum. - All right, sir.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05THEY COUNT TIME
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Squad...
0:13:11 > 0:13:16halt! Now, get into line, all of you men. Quick march!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Left, left, left...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Squad, halt!
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Get in line, all of you. Quick march!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Left...left. Left, right, left.
0:13:34 > 0:13:41- Capt Mainwaring wants to know why there are so many hold-ups.- It's our round. He stops at every house.
0:13:41 > 0:13:48Come on, Flash! Come on. I think something's upset him. See, I always carry a basket.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Come on, Flash.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Squad, halt!
0:13:57 > 0:14:02- Fall out! Sgt Wilson! - Sir?- Ring the bell.- All right, sir.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- I-I think it's stuck, sir. - Well give it a jerk!- A jerk, right.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15FAINT RING Blimey, look what you've done, sir!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19When my dad sees this, he'll go absolutely ber-esk.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- Shove it back, Wilson.- Yeah, do try and shove it back, sir, please!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Ooh! NOW look what you've done, sir.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32Now, when he sees that, he'll go off properly, he will, sir.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36He'll get UGLY eh? Don't start, young Joe!
0:14:36 > 0:14:41- I hear someone.- Ah. - Better let me, sir.- Carry on.- Sir!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- What you want?- Hello, Dad!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47It's me, young Jack.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Took you long enough to come round.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55- Don't be like that, Dad. There's a war on.- A what?- THERE'S A WAR ON.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00Oh. I wondered what the noise was. How's Elsie?
0:15:00 > 0:15:05- Well, it's her legs.- Her what? - HER LEGS ARE TROUBLING HER.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08They never troubled nobody else(!)
0:15:09 > 0:15:14Great fat, bulging things. Like an elephant!
0:15:14 > 0:15:18No need to get personal. We never done YOU no harm.
0:15:18 > 0:15:25- Never done me no good, neither. - You never deserved none, you randy old drunk!- Sh!
0:15:25 > 0:15:28INCOHERENT SHOUTING
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Corporal!- Well, sir...! - I'll take over.
0:15:33 > 0:15:40- Mr Jones, I've come to requisition weapons.- Who are you? - Capt Mainwaring of the Swallow bank.
0:15:40 > 0:15:48- Captains don't manage banks!- Anyone in town will tell you I'm manager. I'm now in command of...- You liar!
0:15:48 > 0:15:54- I've used that bank for years. You never served me!- I'm in my office.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59Afraid to show your face, eh? You won't get nothing here. Clear off!
0:15:59 > 0:16:04- Mr Jones! Open this door at once! - There, sir. I told you he'd get ugly.
0:16:04 > 0:16:11- By the powers vested in me by His Majesty King George VI, I demand you open this door.- That's no good.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- He still thinks Queen Victoria's the king.- Right! You asked for it!
0:16:16 > 0:16:24- Very well, men, we shall have to force our way in.- SHOULD we, sir? - As CO I'll take responsibility.- Sir.
0:16:24 > 0:16:31Look, we found a scaling ladder. Round there they got battering rams, siege catapults...
0:16:31 > 0:16:37- Couldn't we catapult someone onto the roof? - Are you volunteering, Godfrey(?)
0:16:37 > 0:16:42- I-I thought one of the YOUNG gentlemen might be suitable.- Yes.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46Just as a last resort. Put it against the wall.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52- Now, then, Sgt Wilson, you will follow me.- Right, sir.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56I shall lead the assault. The troops will follow
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Are you, er...? Are you all right, sir?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Not very safe, is it(?)
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Well, what d'you expect? It's 300 years old!
0:17:15 > 0:17:22- Did you say there was a battering ram round there?- Yes, sir.- Right! Come on, men! Follow your commander.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27MUSIC: "In The Mood" by Glenn Miller
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Cha-a-a-rge!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- Ch-a-a-rge!- Cha-a-arge!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Charge!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11LOUD THUDS
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Against the wall, men!- Take it easy.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Huh!
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- Sergeant! Take the men up. - Corporal, take the men up.- Sir!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Sorry, you'll have to have it cold!
0:18:54 > 0:18:58All right, everybody, stand at attention for the officer.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Stand easy.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05Well, men, we've tried force. Now we're going to try cunning.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10The plan. We proceed to the museum. We conceal ourselves by the door.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Then Private Fraser... disguised as an ARP warden,
0:19:14 > 0:19:21will knock on the door until that old fool... until Cpl Jones' father...answers.
0:19:21 > 0:19:28You'll tell him that he's showing a light. When he comes out to see where it is, we will go in
0:19:28 > 0:19:36- and shut the door behind us. - Supposing he won't open it, sir? - We must MAKE him.- But we TRIED that.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- Permission to speak, sir?!- Yes? - Show him half a bottle of whisky.
0:19:41 > 0:19:47- That will ameli-ate him and stop him getting ugly.- I don't doubt it(!) Where do we get whisky?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Hang on!
0:19:51 > 0:19:53There you go!
0:19:53 > 0:20:00- 30 bob!- It's only 15 in the shops! - Yeah, but you can't GET it in the shops, can you?
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Very well. Hand it over. - Here, Taffy(!)
0:20:04 > 0:20:07It's OK, I'll put it on your account.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, yes...!
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Don't look at it like that. Fraser! - I cannae help it.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19- Don't drink unless you're forced. - No, sir.- Just show it.- Trust me.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Not a drop but in the line of duty, sir.
0:20:22 > 0:20:30- Remember, Fraser...- Yessir!- It's your job to keep old Jones occupied while we get the weapons we need.
0:20:30 > 0:20:37- We'll then load them on the transport. ..Pike, did you get the Scout cart?- Yes, sir!- Good...
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- Who is this?!- Oh, the patrol leader, sir. He's gotta come.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46- It's more than his job's worth to let the cart out of his sight.- I see.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Synchronise your watches, gentlemen.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52The time is now...
0:20:52 > 0:20:5417... No. Ahem!
0:20:54 > 0:20:5719...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59The time is 9.15!
0:21:00 > 0:21:04That's two whiskers past Mickey Mouse's nose.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11If everything goes well, gentlemen, the platoon will be fully armed.
0:21:11 > 0:21:17# '..For a while we must part But remember me, sweetheart...' #
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Remember, men - keep well hidden.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Fraser, tell him he's showing a light.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33No, no...
0:21:35 > 0:21:40- What d'you want?- I'm an ARP warden. You've a light showing.- I have not!
0:21:40 > 0:21:46- Come out, see for yourself!- I'm not opening the door in my nightshirt.
0:21:46 > 0:21:53- Didnae know you had a door in your nightshirt.- Ha, ha(!) You should be with ITMA(!) Buzz off.
0:21:53 > 0:22:01- What's that? Whisky?- Aye. Just to keep the cold out. A nip now and then. Like some?- I'll have a drop.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- Ah-ah! You've got tae open the door and come out.- Hold on.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07BOLTS RATTLE
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Where's the whisky?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Ah-ah-at-at-at!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- Now, where's this flaming light? - This way. I'll show you...
0:22:32 > 0:22:35You look after the cart.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- There's no light showing. - Look there! Can you not see?- No.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I'm going in.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I can't open the door!
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I'll get my death of cold!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Ah-ah-ah!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Flaming idiot, you are!
0:22:59 > 0:23:04I'll have to get in the lavatory window. Come on - give us a hand.
0:23:19 > 0:23:24- Sergeant, how about taking these halibuts?- No, no, no.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27In any case, they're HALBERDS.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Sir, what about this?
0:23:30 > 0:23:36"Elephant musket by Putt and Putt, Bond Street. 1835." If it killed them, it'll go through a tank.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Don't - you'll break something.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- CRASH - Pike, put it away.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Give it to me!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Hey, come over here a minute!
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Here you are - a tin liberty bodice!
0:23:54 > 0:24:00It's a breastplate to protect the top. How d'you protect your BOTTOM?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Don't turn your back on the enemy.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Sir, sir! It's what we want. 303 carbines.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11- "Infantry weapons from the South African war."- How many?- It's empty.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- Empty?- There's another notice. - What is it?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- "Requisitioned by ENSA, March 5th, 1940."- ENSA?!
0:24:19 > 0:24:25- What on earth do ENSA want with rifles?!- They have awkward audiences sometimes.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- All right, Sergeant.- Yes, sir.- Time to withdraw to base.- Right, sir.
0:24:30 > 0:24:37What's this? "Chinese rocket gun, 1901. Used against the Boxers."
0:24:37 > 0:24:43Poor little creatures! They never paid heed to animals, east of Suez.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47That'd liven up manoeuvres, eh? Here, what's this?
0:24:47 > 0:24:54It's got a grenade thing on it. Ooh, those yellow fiends! That'd make a mess of you. Come on!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Steady!
0:24:55 > 0:25:00- Now, don't push hard. I've gotta find something to stand on.- Right.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Oh...I've put my foot in something. - Good!
0:25:04 > 0:25:11- Oh, pull me back, pull me back! - What is it? - My foot's stuck down the whatsit.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Here... Oof! Get a hold of that. Go on.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18FLUSH
0:25:22 > 0:25:25That was very clever, wasn't it(?)
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Well, it FLUSHED you out, didn't it?
0:25:30 > 0:25:35# '..For a while, we must part, but remember me, sweetheart..' #
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Ah! I've got it! You'd put the powder in there,
0:25:39 > 0:25:46run it along there, and it'd fire each one in turn. Psshht! Here's the horn for the fuse powder.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Here's the spare rockets. They lit it here. Son, come here.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Get out your scout knife and unbung those ports. We'll get it working.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Right, General! Get unbunging. Listen...
0:26:00 > 0:26:07- Corporal, Walker.- Sir?- Don't think initiative is unappreciated. That's the spirit to get Jerry on the run.
0:26:07 > 0:26:14- But I do think this weapon's too antiquated. We'll send it back tomorrow.- We don't have much else!
0:26:14 > 0:26:18No, but even if you do get it working,
0:26:18 > 0:26:23- modern warfare has progressed a little beyond the rocket(!)- Sir.
0:26:23 > 0:26:31- I think I'll have a talk with the men.- Come on, everybody.- Walker! Corporal! Leave that.- Around here.
0:26:35 > 0:26:42Well, men, as you know, GHQ will send weapons to us just as soon as they possibly can.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Meantime, we must exercise our own ingenuity.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50I've an idea, an example of the sort of thing we need.
0:26:50 > 0:26:56On the top of every hill we'll station large drums of old sump oil.
0:26:56 > 0:27:04At the sign of an emergency, we'll spread this oil all over the road. Now, we can imagine the result.
0:27:04 > 0:27:11- As enemy vehicles can't grip the road, the war machine will grind to a halt.- Permission to speak, sir!
0:27:11 > 0:27:17- Yes?- Tin tacks! Why don't we all have packets of tin tacks to spread on the road?
0:27:17 > 0:27:24- Yes! Punctured vehicles can't get far! ..Get all the tacks you can, Wilson.- Permission to speak, sir!
0:27:24 > 0:27:30- You can get 'em at Woolies.- Are you going to requisition it again, sir?
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- No, I think we'd better pay cash, Wilson.- Ah.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40We won't leave till we've made an effort to improve our own arsenal.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44We'll set to and finish making these petrol bombs.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Now, Walker has sold us a very fine selection of empty wine bottles.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54- Fraser!- Aye, sir!- You empty them. ..Corporal!- Sir!- You do the funnel.
0:27:54 > 0:28:02- ..Sergeant, pour the petrol.- Right, sir.- I'll do these cork-and-string fuses. We'll work in teams.
0:28:02 > 0:28:09- When we get exhausted, the second wave will come in.- Excuse me, sir. This petrol can is empty.- Walker?!
0:28:09 > 0:28:14..Ah, yes... See, sir, I had to use it in the car to get the bottles.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18- Done it, sir.- Oh, jolly good. ..Done what?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20- Cleared the ports in the gun.- Good.
0:28:20 > 0:28:27- Powder's fizzing beautifully. - Oh, really? ..Look! We must get our priorities... What?!
0:28:27 > 0:28:30POPS AND WHOOSHES
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Take cover! Take cover!
0:28:33 > 0:28:36MORE LOUD WHOOSHES
0:28:39 > 0:28:44Imagine those fireworks going off after all these years! Good Lord!
0:28:44 > 0:28:47Yes. Damn clever, these Chinese!
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Thank goodness they're on our side.
0:29:32 > 0:29:37Subtitles by E Kane BBC Scotland - 1998