0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So, who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:57 > 0:00:58SHOP BELL RINGS
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Evening, sir.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Ah, Sergeant.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Early, aren't you, sir?
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- Yes, I wanted to finish this battle plan.- I see.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11And I'm afraid I had to rush my meal.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Oh, yes? What did you have tonight, sir?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Woolton pie and treacle tart.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20- Really? That was a "real meal", wasn't it, sir?- Yes, yes!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Where did you get the treacle from?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Well, it wasn't real.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30The pastry was made from potatoes, and the treacle from grated carrot.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32What did it taste like?
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Ohhh!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- Got a touch of indigestion?- Yes.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Well, would you like one of these? They're quite helpful.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Oh, thank you. "Calm Tums, for tummy disorders
0:01:46 > 0:01:49"and air-raid strain." Why air-raid strain?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Well, sir, it can be embarrassing when...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- SHOP BELL - Yes.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56# ..the white cliffs of Dover...
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- Evening, Jones. - # ..white cliffs of Dover... #
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Evening, gentlemen. Evening, Mr Wilson, Mr Mainwaring.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07What are you taking there, sir?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- Cor, you shouldn't take those! - Why not?
0:02:10 > 0:02:15- They'll keep you on the run, sir. - But I thought they did the opposite.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Have you got a touch of flatulence? This is what you want.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22There you are - bicarbonate of soda.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26I always carry this with me. I got in the habit in the Sudan.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29General Kitchener was very keen on it, sir.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32"Boys!" he'd say - he always called us that -
0:02:32 > 0:02:37"Keep your bayonets sharp and your bicarb handy.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40"That'll stop you getting the wind up."
0:02:40 > 0:02:42He had a very dry sense of humour.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47I've carried this for 45 years. Of course, I've refilled it...
0:02:47 > 0:02:52- Well, I think I'll be all right. - If you fancy any of it, let me know.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57BELL It'll be a wee bit crowded in here when everyone's here, won't it?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Well, we'll manage, Frazer.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04Can we remove the bell, sir? It's a terrible nuisance.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Nuisance? It'll stop the enemy from surprising us.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14We can't have these bicycles here. Tell them to get them out.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Yes, would you mind awfully, kindly taking...
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, give it in the form of an order, please.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24All bicycles outside. Yours, too.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- And yours, sir?- What? No, on second thoughts, there's room for two.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Are you turning this into a second-hand bike shop?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Evening, sir.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Here's a tin of treacle.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40I could have done with that earlier.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Are we going? Is the parade over?
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Of course not, stupid boy. They're taking their bikes out. You too.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Mum won't like me leaving my bike out, Uncle Arthur.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- It might get pinched. - That'll do, Pike. Take it outside.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- The saddle will get wet.- Never mind.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Corporal! Fall the men in.- Yes, sir.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Sergeant, can I just have a word with you?
0:04:05 > 0:04:09You must stop Pike calling you Uncle Arthur in front of the men.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11It's bad for discipline.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Sorry, sir, but it's not my fault.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18When he was little, he used to call me something else,
0:04:18 > 0:04:23so Mavis - I mean Mrs Pike - told him to call me Uncle...
0:04:23 > 0:04:26to stop him calling me something else.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29What else did he used to call you?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Daddy.- What?!
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- You're not his daddy...his father. - Good heavens, of course not.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Well, tell him to address you properly.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Forward march!
0:04:42 > 0:04:45ALL: One! One, two!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47What are you doing, Corporal?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- Sorry, sir. The room's too small. - Put them back.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55- Yes, sir. About turn! - Oh, pull yourself together.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Yes, sir. Forward.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00It doesn't seem to work, sir.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- Oh, sort them out, Sergeant. - Yes, sir.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Er...platoon...about turn.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Corporal, come out.- Sorry, sir.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Now, who's missing?- Godfrey, sir.
0:05:15 > 0:05:21Well, we'll manage without him. Now, I want you to gather round. Fall out.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25All right. Sit down on the floor.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29FRAZER: Oh, sorry!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Come on, now. Quickly as you can. Settle down.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Right. Now, pay attention.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I've had orders from GHQ,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42giving us our precise instructions in case the balloon goes up.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Now, I asked you to parade here at the Novelty Rock Emporium,
0:05:47 > 0:05:51because, if an invasion comes, this will be our command post.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Who's in charge here? - Captain Mainwaring.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57What are all them bikes doing?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- They belong to my platoon. - Well, shift 'em.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I don't think I like your tone.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Oh? Then I'll try it in a different tone.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08THEY ALL GRUMBLE
0:06:10 > 0:06:13GET 'EM SHIFTED! How's that?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16You're exceeding your authority.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Them bikes could be used by the enemy.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Er... I'm fully aware of the situation,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24and I intend to deal with it.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27You better, or I'll let your tyres down.
0:06:27 > 0:06:32Don't you dare. Now, get out of my shop...er, my command post.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I will, but don't say I didn't warn you. And you, an' all.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38THEY ALL JEER
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Corporal, detail a man to watch the bikes.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Sponge, you nip outside and watch them.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51Fix bayonets, and if that warden so much as lays a finger on them,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53let him have it, right up.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Lock the door, Jones. I don't want him trampling on you again.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Now, as I was saying...
0:07:04 > 0:07:07In case of an invasion, this is our plan.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09KNOCK AT DOOR
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Shall I let them in? - I'll deal with this.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I'll deal with this. Let me through.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Help him up, somebody.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Make way for the officer.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Now, look here... Oh, it's you.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Are you closed?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Why are you late, Godfrey?
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- I'm sorry. My bicycle had a puncture. - Well, come inside.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Lock the door again, Corporal.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46ALL: Hello, Godfrey.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Come on, Godfrey. It's not a sherry party.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53All right. Now, settle down.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Now, when the church bells ring,
0:07:58 > 0:08:02you will report to the Novelty Rock Emporium here.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04HE TAPS
0:08:04 > 0:08:07There's someone at the door again, sir.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Corporal, wake up.
0:08:11 > 0:08:17Now, we shall split in two. I shall take one half, and Wilson will take the other.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22- One half will proceed to the crossroads, a mile up the... - HE TAPS
0:08:22 > 0:08:24..a mile up the road here.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Now, these crossroads are a very vital strategic position.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31He who holds them holds Walmington-on-Sea.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33It will also be necessary
0:08:33 > 0:08:37to cover the crossroads with a machine-gun post.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Now, I think the ideal place is Godfrey's cottage here.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43You don't mind, do you, Godfrey?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Er...mind what, sir?
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- Haven't you been listening? - I'm sorry, sir. I was talking.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54We need your home as a gun post. Do you live with your sisters?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Yes, sir, but they might be in bed,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and as they're hard of hearing, they wouldn't let us in.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03You've got a key, haven't you?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05No, sir. They've got the only one.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09They did promise me one once, but nothing happened.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Permission to speak, sir. - Yes, Corporal.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Why don't we put the key under a flowerpot?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19That's a very good idea. Hear that, Godfrey?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Arrange for it, will you?
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Now, we shall send out patrols from these two...p...
0:09:26 > 0:09:30these two posts...
0:09:30 > 0:09:33and they will communicate... through runners.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- What on earth...? - Don't argue. Give me a penny.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I can't open the door!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- It's locked, sir. - Well, come and unlock it - quickly.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Hurry up, Corporal. For goodness' sake, man!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oh, don't mess about.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I'm doing it, sir.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I told him he shouldn't have taken them tablets.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Well, you've got a point, Mrs Pike.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19We'll dispose of your Channel Tunnel shares.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I'm very grateful for your advice, Mr Mainwaring.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26As a widow, I don't always know what to do for the best.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31No, I quite understand, but as your bank manager, I'm here to help.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37Oh, thank you, Mr Mainwaring. You see, what I miss most is not having a man to look after.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42You've got a button missing, Arthur. Why didn't you tell me before you left this morning?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Yes, all right, Mavis.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46You sent for me, sir?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Yes. Those are the shares to be sold.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Well, I must go to it.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Mr Wilson's coming to supper with me tonight.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Not tonight. He's taking a party of 18 to the cinema.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Party of 18?- Home Guards.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's a special showing of the film Next Of Kin.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Oh, I've heard of that. Are you all going?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Not me. I went with my wife and her two sisters.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Coals to Newcastle!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Goodbye, then, Mr Mainwaring. Thank you.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Bye, Arthur.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Well, I'm glad I'm not going to the cinema.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29I've got a lot of work to do at HQ. I'll leave you to lock up, Wilson.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Oh, Mrs Pike's left her gloves. Run after her.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Yes, of course.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Ah. I'd better put that deed box away in the vaults.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I caught up with her all right, sir...
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Well, where is he? He must have gone out by the back door.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59The others have gone. Do you need me for anything else?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Er...no, thank you, Pike.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05We haven't much time. The bus leaves in 15 minutes.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Why are they taking us to the pictures tonight?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Well, GHQ want all units to see this film.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- It's about the effects of careless talk.- Who's in it?
0:12:15 > 0:12:20Oh, they wouldn't say. I think Geoffrey Hibbert. Some new boy.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- CHURCH BELLS CHIME - What's that?
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Church bells. Funny time for them to ring. Somebody must be getting married.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Good heavens. It's the invasion!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35What?!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38What are we going to do, Uncle Arthur?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Well, you can stop calling me Uncle Arthur.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- Hadn't we better get to the rock emporium?- Do that. Yes.
0:12:44 > 0:12:50- We're supposed to be going to the pictures.- We'll just have to go another night.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Get your respirator, gas mask and rifle.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56I'll try and do something - I'll lock up.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- Don't forget your uniform. - Hadn't we better tell Mum we'll miss supper?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Is that you, Wilson?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06He hasn't wasted much time, has he?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Soon as my back's turned he makes off.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14Becoming a clock watcher, Wilson. I must talk to him - tomorrow.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# There'll always be an England... #
0:13:19 > 0:13:20They're here, sir.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24We're on our way down to the rock emporium, sir.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27We just happened to notice your bike outside, sir.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29There's not a minute to lose.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- What are you talking about? - The church bells.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35What? I never heard them.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38About 20 minutes ago. I was at home.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I went straight round to collect Jones.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43That coach will be halfway to Eastgate.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Hitler's at our throats and my platoon's at the pictures!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Why aren't you there?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I was coupon counting, sir.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53What are we going to do, sir?
0:13:53 > 0:13:58This means there's only... three of us to defend the whole town.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Yes, I know. Let me think.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Don't you worry, sir. We'll fight to the last.
0:14:03 > 0:14:09And if we run out of ammo, sir, we'll give 'em the old cold steel. They don't like it up 'em.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14I can't help it, sir. If I smell battle, it just gets me going, sir.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Look, put that away!
0:14:16 > 0:14:21Sir, it'll be a bit of a job, defending the beach with only three men.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23You're quite right, Frazer.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25We must face the facts.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29The three of us can't stop them from landing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31We must change our plans.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34The commander in the field must always be flexible.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36We must make a snap decision.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Well, don't take too long, sir. They'll be here in a minute.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Let's cross over to the key position.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Three determined men could hold an army there.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50If we can hold out for long enough there,
0:14:50 > 0:14:55our regular troops can regroup for the counterattack. You see?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Mind you, it'll probably be the end of us.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- But we're ready for that, aren't we, men? - Sir.- Of course, sir.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Good show. I think we'd better take this machine gun with us.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Right.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Grab a magazine, both of you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15I doubt there'll be any time for reading, sir.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- To Godfrey's cottage, at the double! - Aye, sir.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Are you enjoying your nice piece of haddock, Charles?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Yes, thank you, Dolly.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I had to queue up for 20 minutes just for that bit of fish.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Are you parading with the yeomanry tonight?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42No, Cissy, it's my night for the clinic.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Oh, I see. You ARE.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46< Better hurry or you'll miss the parade.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Now, don't rush him, Cissy. I'm sure he's dying for more tea
0:15:51 > 0:15:53and a piece of my upside-down cake.
0:15:53 > 0:16:00Oh, that reminds me. Have a nice little word with that nice Mr Walker tonight, Charles.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01We need more sugar.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I'm not going on parade tonight.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08< Oh, thank you, dear. I'm sure he'll get it for you.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10PARROT SQUAWKS
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Oh, what is it, Percy? Do you want your tea?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17What about a little bit of my upside-down cake?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Here you are, dear.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21PERCY SQUAWKS
0:16:21 > 0:16:23No, no, dear. It's not maggots.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28It's my upside-down cake.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30KNOCKING AT DOOR
0:16:34 > 0:16:36May we come in? It's an emergency.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Charles, dear, it's that nice bank manager,
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Mr Mainwaring. He's outside. He's brought a gun with him.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I wonder what he wants.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49PERCY SQUAWKS
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Oh, come in, sir.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Why are you here? I thought you were in Eastgate.
0:16:53 > 0:16:58- It's my night at the clinic. - Get your rifle. The invasion's on.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- What invasion?- The Germans. Didn't you hear the bells?
0:17:01 > 0:17:07- No, I didn't, sir. - We're setting up gun posts here. You've told your sisters?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10- No, it slipped my mind. - Oh, well, too late now.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Evening, Miss Godfrey.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15We'll put our gun here, where we've got a clear view.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Would you mind if we put this doily underneath?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21It's rather a valuable table.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24You know what we need, sir? We want a lot of sandbags.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26What about some cushions?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Good idea, Frazer. Search the house.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Charles, don't be so rude. Ask your friends to have some tea.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Er...just a moment...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37< Oh, it's that nice Mr Jones,
0:17:37 > 0:17:39the butcher...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Er, Mr Jones,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43would you like a cup of tea?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47No, thank you, Mrs Godfrey. The Germans are coming.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Yes, I know they are. So many coming for tea.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I think I'll make some more.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Oh, good afternoon.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Er, Cissy, dear, there's a gentleman here selling pillows.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I think we ought to buy some.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08They match the ones we have upstairs.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Just wait here
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and my sister will attend to you.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Here you are, sir.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Well done, Frazer.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19There's the magazine, sir.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Where's your steel helmet?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23In the confusion, I forgot all about it!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26You've got to have a steel helmet!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I have an idea, sir. What about this, sir?
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Thank you, but I doubt a flowerpot on his head will help much.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38It's not a flowerpot, it's a steel German helmet.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- I brought it back in 1918. - Better than nothing.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Thank you, Godfrey, thank you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51Sorry about your plant, Godfrey, but this is war.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- Here you are. Try that on. - Thank you, sir.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Right, here we go.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Excuse me.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Now, then...
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Waaaaa! Waaaaaa!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11What's the matter, Jones?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I've got a funny feeling in my spine.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Pull yourself together, you've fought before.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I know, but I've never had a feeling like this in my spine.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Aaah! Oooh!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Eugh! Aargh!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29SHE LAUGHS
0:19:29 > 0:19:34Well, if he will wear a flowerpot on his head what else can he expect?!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39It's a fine field of fire, sir.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40They'll never get past.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Wait a minute! These won't stop any bullets!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45You're quite right, sir!
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Frazer, go and get these filled
0:19:47 > 0:19:50with something a bit harder. Go on!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Now, then...
0:19:52 > 0:19:54There we are.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59PARROT SQUAWKS
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Oh, golly, dear!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05You really must get a conditioning powder for Percy.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07He's moulting terribly!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Oooh!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13What about this?!
0:20:13 > 0:20:14How many lumps?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Put the lot in.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Don't like it, Walker.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Don't like it at all.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Too quiet.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Funny you should say those words like that, Sergeant.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Oh, really? Why?
0:20:36 > 0:20:41It's what the sergeant always says in them Western films.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45The cavalry stops, and the officer looks through his field glasses
0:20:45 > 0:20:47and suddenly the sergeant says,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51"I don't like it, sir, it's too quiet."
0:20:51 > 0:20:52What happens then?
0:20:52 > 0:20:56He gets a dirty big arrow, right in the chest.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01Mind you, sometimes it's the officer who says, "It's too quiet."
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Sergeant still gets the arrow, though.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Aargh!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07All right. Don't overdo things so much.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Hello, here's Pikey.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Where's the Lewis gun? - It wasn't there.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13What do you mean?
0:21:13 > 0:21:17We went back to the church hall and the cupboard was bare.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Perhaps the Germans have got it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22They wouldn't know where it was.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Where's Captain Mainwaring and the rest of them?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Mr Frazer was the Lewis gunner. Perhaps the gun's with him.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33If he's gone where I think he's gone, he won't need no gun.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Walker, would you stand somewhere else? This is really getting on my nerves.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Well, there's nowhere else. The place is full of bikes!
0:21:46 > 0:21:47- Uncle Arthur?- What?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Do you think anything has happened to them?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51No, no.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Why aren't they here, then? It was Mr Mainwaring -
0:21:55 > 0:22:00he said, "If you hear the church bells, go to the rock emporium," and he's not here.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Please stop talking for a minute. I can't think.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07It's difficult when you go on like that.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Uncle Arthur?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11What?!
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I ain't half hungry.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Why didn't you bring sandwiches? You knew we were going to Eastgate.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21I was going to have an ice cream there and supper at home.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Sorry. That's your lookout.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28It's stupid, going on like that. I told you about that before.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Uncle Sergeant?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34What is it now?
0:22:34 > 0:22:40If anything has happened to Mr Mainwaring, will they make you the bank manager?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I hadn't thought about that.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47If they make you manager, you can make me chief clerk.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Sergeant! Look what I found >
0:22:49 > 0:22:52down in the cellar - from before the war - sticks of rock!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Do you mind if I hand them out?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Yes, all right, Corporal.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Right-ho, lads.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Get your sticks of rock here. Tanner each.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Walmington-on-Sea. Stamped right through.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06This has got Clacton on it.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09What do you want for a tanner, Ashby-de-la-Zouch?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12For heaven's sake, what are you playing at?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15You're not taking money for that?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Ah. Well, they forced it on me.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Give it back at once.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Oh, all right. Want a stick?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23That's the last thing I require now.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26We can't keep on waiting for Captain Mainwaring.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29We'd better carry out the battle plan alone.
0:23:29 > 0:23:35Walker, Pike, get your things. We'll set up another establishment at Godfrey's cottage.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Sponge, you're in charge here.
0:23:38 > 0:23:44Wait for half an hour, then send out a patrol to me at... Where? Godfrey's cottage.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Right, Sarge.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50- Can I bring my stick of rock with me, Uncle?- No, put it away. Come on.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I don't like it, Captain Mainwaring.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54It's too quiet.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Can you see anything?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Not a thing.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00It'll be dark soon.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Wonder where the rest of the platoon is.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Likely they've left the coach and come back on foot.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12All civilian vehicles must be put out of action during an invasion alarm.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13They could be away for hours.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16PARROT SQUAWKS
0:24:17 > 0:24:22Miss Godfrey, do you think you could keep that bird quiet?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Could I go outside for a minute, sir?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Oh, yes, all right. - Thank you, sir.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Wait, wait, wait, wait.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I'll cover you.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Right. Now.- Sir.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51If you ask me, I...don't think there's anybody at home.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Maybe Godfrey's sisters are in bed, Sergeant.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Shall I get the key from under the flowerpot?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01No, wait a minute. I don't like it, Walker, you know.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04It's too quiet.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06TOILET FLUSHES
0:25:09 > 0:25:10What was that?
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- Sounded like the whatsitsname. You know, the...- Yes, yes.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- Hey, Sarge! Look over there, Sarge! - Over where?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22There's a German soldier by the shed. Look at his helmet!
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Blimey! He's right.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Come on. In here.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Quick as you can.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Hang on. Shouldn't we wait for Spongy and the rest?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33No, it's too late now. Take aim. Fire!
0:25:45 > 0:25:50- Let me at 'em! The filthy swine! I'll give 'em the cold steel! - Come back, come back.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Down, everybody! Stand by.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56What was that noise, dear?
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I don't know, and we can't interrupt.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Where did those shots come from?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03From the summerhouse, sir.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07It's very nice. You can turn it round in the direction of the sun.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09But the sun's not shining!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- Oh, shut up, Jones! Got the range? - Aye, sir.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Did we get him, Sergeant?
0:26:14 > 0:26:18I've absolutely no idea. Now, just keep under cover.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Fire!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22RAPID GUNFIRE
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I think we'd better clear the table, dear.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38GUNFIRE
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Now, you take the tray into the kitchen.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43GUNFIRE
0:26:45 > 0:26:48No, no, no, no, dear. Don't disturb them.
0:26:48 > 0:26:54All right, dear. I'll shake the cloth upstairs from the bedroom window.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56ANOTHER BURST OF RAPID GUNFIRE
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Cor blimey! What are they using?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04The cottage has disappeared.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13I have a feeling we're facing the wrong way.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15- I can move us round like this. - No, don't.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20- Well, what are we going to do? - First, get into a safer position.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Follow me. Keep low on the ground.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Sergeant! Sergeant! Look!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31What?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34They're waving a white cloth out of the window!
0:27:34 > 0:27:37They're surrendering! You'd better go in and accept it.
0:27:37 > 0:27:44No, no, Walker. I think perhaps you'd better go. I'll stay here, keep an eye on things.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Don't you think Pikey ought to go?
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Me? Well, you're the oldest, aren't you, Uncle Sergeant?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54No, we'll all go together. Come on.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55All right.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- Captain Mainwaring!- Yes?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59They're surrendering!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Three of them have come out.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Well done, men. We showed 'em, eh?
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Stand watch here.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09They may be up to their Nazi tricks.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12I'm going to make them come right inside.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Put the light on so we can see them.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Kommen Sie hier!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18They're Germans all right.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24No, you kommen Sie hier - at once!
0:28:24 > 0:28:25Mainwaring!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Wilson!
0:28:28 > 0:28:29You might have killed us!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31YOU might have killed US.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Come inside at once.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Oh! What a...
0:28:35 > 0:28:38I'm very disappointed in you, Sergeant.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41You should have fought till the last man.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42We thought you were Nazis.
0:28:42 > 0:28:49- You should have kept on firing. - We might have killed you! - You had no business to give in.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51But...you gave in first.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53What?! We did no such thing.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57I'm booking you for disregard of blackout rules.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Oh, all right, get on with it.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01For the last time, I did not surrender.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Nothing would have induced me to surrender.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06GUNFIRE
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Get down! What the devil's that?!
0:29:08 > 0:29:11It's Spongy with the rest of them.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Well, get a white flag out of the window - quickly!