Room at the Bottom

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0:00:03 > 0:00:08# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

0:00:08 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?

0:00:12 > 0:00:18# We are the boys who will stop your little game

0:00:18 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again

0:00:22 > 0:00:27# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

0:00:27 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?

0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21

0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun

0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler

0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #

0:00:52 > 0:00:55- KNOCK ON DOOR - Come in.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Evening, sir.- Evening.

0:00:59 > 0:01:04- Where's Mr Mainwaring?- I'm afraid we've got the auditors at the bank.

0:01:04 > 0:01:08- He's clearing up one or two points. - I see.

0:01:08 > 0:01:16- I can't wait. I've got two other units to visit. Could you give him a message for me?- Certainly, sir.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18Bit awkward. Don't know how to start.

0:01:18 > 0:01:23- Well, would you care to sit down? - Thank you.

0:01:23 > 0:01:27How long has Mr Mainwaring been a captain?

0:01:27 > 0:01:32- Since we started.- Since you were Local Defence Volunteers?- Yes.

0:01:32 > 0:01:38- There were no commissions in the LDV.- Weren't there?- No.

0:01:38 > 0:01:44Home Guard officers were granted a commission in February. How did he become a captain?

0:01:44 > 0:01:47I...I think he sort of...

0:01:47 > 0:01:49made himself one.

0:01:51 > 0:01:58- I wondered why, as a captain, he was only in charge of a platoon. - Is that wrong?

0:01:58 > 0:02:02It IS usual to have a lieutenant in charge of a platoon.

0:02:02 > 0:02:07- I see.- We're just beginning to sort out these ranks.

0:02:07 > 0:02:13He never WAS a captain, so I'm afraid we'll have to take one of his pips off.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Will you tell him?- Yes. I'll do that.

0:02:16 > 0:02:21- Tell him that I'll confirm it in writing.- Right. Yes.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25Only a lieutenant. Mmm.

0:02:25 > 0:02:27Fancy that!

0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Sergeant, your cup of char.- Ah!

0:02:30 > 0:02:38- Thank you very much indeed. - You look like the cat that's got the cream. What's up?- Oh, nothing!

0:02:38 > 0:02:39Nothing!

0:02:41 > 0:02:43Oh, I got your what's-its-name.

0:02:43 > 0:02:46Thank you.

0:02:50 > 0:02:55- You don't half look happy, Sergeant. - You know how it is!

0:02:55 > 0:02:57Oh, yes.

0:03:02 > 0:03:03Yes.

0:03:03 > 0:03:07- Mainwaring... - CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:03:09 > 0:03:13I'm afraid I've got some rather bad news for you.

0:03:14 > 0:03:19Mainwaring, brace yourself for a shock, you know. Oh, yes.

0:03:20 > 0:03:21Yes.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25I'm afraid, Mainwaring,

0:03:25 > 0:03:30one of those little pips has got to come off.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32Oh, yes.

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Good evening...

0:03:34 > 0:03:36LIEUTENANT Mainwaring.

0:03:38 > 0:03:40- How are you?- Hello, Wilson.

0:03:43 > 0:03:49Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I've got the drill sergeant for us.

0:03:49 > 0:03:56- What drill sergeant? - Don't you remember anything? I said that the platoon was sloppy.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58He'll be drilling us on Friday.

0:03:58 > 0:04:01I think he'll be a good man.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05What have you got on your head?

0:04:05 > 0:04:09A beret, sir. Rather suits me, don't you think?

0:04:09 > 0:04:15- You're not supposed to wear that. - No?- They're for officers only. Take it off!

0:04:15 > 0:04:20The Home Guard is now an organised fighting unit.

0:04:20 > 0:04:25People can't just promote themselves to any fancy rank.

0:04:27 > 0:04:32Funny you should say that. Captain Bailey said that.

0:04:32 > 0:04:35- He was here?- Yes. - Usual red tape nonsense?

0:04:35 > 0:04:40- Yes. He just wanted you to take off one of your pips.- Is that all?

0:04:40 > 0:04:42..WHAT?!

0:04:42 > 0:04:47He said that you're not a captain, you're only a lieutenant.

0:04:47 > 0:04:51- Are you trying to be funny? - No, sir!

0:04:51 > 0:04:54We'll soon settle this.

0:04:54 > 0:04:55Upstart!

0:04:56 > 0:04:59Give me Eastgate 166, please.

0:04:59 > 0:05:06Pity he's got nothing better to do. And you've nothing better to do than listen to him!

0:05:06 > 0:05:07..Hello?

0:05:09 > 0:05:11It's Mainwaring here.

0:05:11 > 0:05:15CAPTAIN Mainwaring. Walmington-on-Sea.

0:05:15 > 0:05:18There's been some mistake.

0:05:18 > 0:05:25Captain Bailey was in here earlier and he's left some garbled story with my sergeant.

0:05:25 > 0:05:32It's quite possible HE could have got it wrong. Something about taking a pip off.

0:05:32 > 0:05:33What?

0:05:33 > 0:05:36Yes. I thought so.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Thank you very much. Goodbye.

0:05:41 > 0:05:44Right, Wilson, what's the game?

0:05:46 > 0:05:48Game?

0:05:48 > 0:05:53Yes. Telling me that I'm not a captain any more!

0:05:53 > 0:05:59- Who did you talk to there, sir? - The sergeant - who knew nothing about it.- Oh?

0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Well? I'm waiting for your explanation.- Well, I...

0:06:05 > 0:06:07I'm forced to say...

0:06:07 > 0:06:12that you've confirmed a suspicion

0:06:12 > 0:06:17that's been in my mind for some weeks. You're jealous of me!

0:06:17 > 0:06:19Jealous, sir?

0:06:19 > 0:06:24Don't think I haven't noticed those glances at my hat.

0:06:24 > 0:06:29That's why you bought a beret - to keep up with me.

0:06:29 > 0:06:35- You'd give anything to be in my shoes, wouldn't you? - You're quite wrong!

0:06:35 > 0:06:40I'd just as soon serve as a sergeant or a humble private.

0:06:40 > 0:06:44These pips don't mean... THAT to me!

0:06:44 > 0:06:48- PHONE RINGS - Hello. Home Guard.

0:06:48 > 0:06:50It's for you, sir.

0:06:50 > 0:06:53Mainwaring here.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55Oh, hello, sir.

0:06:55 > 0:06:58Yes. I spoke to the sergeant.

0:06:58 > 0:07:01..He'd only just come on duty?

0:07:01 > 0:07:03What? I don't quite...

0:07:03 > 0:07:06He hadn't been told what?

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Yes, sir.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12But surely... Yes, sir.

0:07:21 > 0:07:24I'm sorry, sir. I really am!

0:07:33 > 0:07:38- Excuse me, sir, can I help? - No. I don't think so, Godfrey.

0:07:38 > 0:07:43Don't forget, I was in gent's outfitting for 35 years, sir.

0:07:43 > 0:07:48- I don't think that would be of use to me.- At least let me try.

0:07:48 > 0:07:53- What's the trouble?- I'm taking a pip off each shoulder.- Oh, yes.

0:07:53 > 0:08:00- Trouble is, you can always see the marks where the pip's been. - Yes. I know!

0:08:00 > 0:08:07- Why ARE you taking it off, sir? - I can't go into it now. Don't say anything to the men about this.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10- About what, sir?- Never mind.

0:08:14 > 0:08:16Go home, Godfrey.

0:08:16 > 0:08:21Nearly time to dismiss the parade. ..Oh, I see you've taken them off.

0:08:21 > 0:08:24Yes, yes, I've taken them off.

0:08:24 > 0:08:31- Don't say anything to the men. - They'll find out.- Then I shall find a way that they won't find out!

0:08:31 > 0:08:36- You must have been seeing things. - No. I helped him.

0:08:36 > 0:08:39- Maybe he's been promoted. - That's it!

0:08:40 > 0:08:46Major. He's taken them three pips off to put a crown up.

0:08:46 > 0:08:49Oh, blimey! He was pompous enough as a captain!

0:08:51 > 0:08:55Come along, please. What have I got to say?

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Yes. Right. At ease.

0:08:57 > 0:09:00Can't wait to see what's on his shoulders!

0:09:00 > 0:09:03Walker. Please.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05Platoon, attention!

0:09:09 > 0:09:12Ready for inspection, sir.

0:09:16 > 0:09:18Eyes front, Frazer.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Permission to speak, sir.- Yes?

0:09:24 > 0:09:30Why are you wearing that shoulder protector. Is that standard dress?

0:09:30 > 0:09:32No. I'm just testing them out.

0:09:33 > 0:09:38- Anything wrong with that? - No, sir. I like it!

0:09:38 > 0:09:45- A word about...- Excuse me, sir! - Yes?- You cannae take a parade wi' your badges covered up.

0:09:45 > 0:09:51You've told us yersel', it's not the man we salute but the King's commission.

0:09:51 > 0:09:57We can't see your badge or rank. You'll have to take it off!

0:10:00 > 0:10:06- Very well. You might as well know the truth...- Mr Mainwaring, sir!

0:10:06 > 0:10:08Mr Mainwaring, sir!

0:10:08 > 0:10:13- What is it, Verger? - The Bismarck's been sunk!- What?!

0:10:13 > 0:10:19The German battleship, Bismarck, has been sunk. News just came through!

0:10:21 > 0:10:26I'll tell the Reverend. I don't know how he'll take it.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28Dismissed!

0:10:30 > 0:10:34- That's good news. - Yes. The Navy saved your bacon!

0:10:41 > 0:10:44- KNOCK ON DOOR - Come in!

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Ah, good evening, sir.

0:10:46 > 0:10:52- Evening. Mainwaring not here yet? - I'm afraid not. He's still with the auditors.

0:10:52 > 0:10:54Pity.

0:10:54 > 0:10:59- How did he take last night? - Take what?- His pips off!

0:10:59 > 0:11:04Well, he...he just cut them off. With a penknife.

0:11:04 > 0:11:10- No, no! How did it affect him? - He was terribly cut up.

0:11:10 > 0:11:15- Yes. It makes my task even more difficult.- What task?

0:11:15 > 0:11:22Well, when...eh... Mainwaring phoned up GHQ last night, we began to look into things.

0:11:22 > 0:11:27It appears he hasn't even been commissioned as a lieutenant.

0:11:27 > 0:11:30I'm afraid I don't quite understand.

0:11:30 > 0:11:36Simple. He has no rank, so he has no authority over this platoon.

0:11:36 > 0:11:43- It's all in that letter. Give it to him, will you?- Yes, sir. - By the way, in the meantime...

0:11:43 > 0:11:46YOU'LL be in charge.

0:11:48 > 0:11:52..Until I can make other arrangements.

0:11:52 > 0:11:57- Good news about the Bismarck, wasn't it?- Awfully good.

0:11:57 > 0:12:00CAPTAIN MAINWARING CAN BE HEARD

0:12:00 > 0:12:05- Think I'll go out this way. Give him that letter, won't you?- Yes.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Hello, Wilson.- Hello, sir.

0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Everything all right? - Yes. Quite all right.

0:12:15 > 0:12:20- Get the men together. I want to talk to them.- Before you...- No.

0:12:20 > 0:12:26- No use putting it off. They must know I'm now a lieutenant.- Yes.

0:12:26 > 0:12:33- Ours is not to reason why. - I DO think you ought to read this letter from Captain Bailey.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Has he been here again?- Yes.

0:12:36 > 0:12:40Anybody would think he didn't want to see me.

0:12:40 > 0:12:46I think if you don't mind, sir, I'll...eh...I'll just go and do something else.

0:12:46 > 0:12:49- All right.- Right.

0:12:57 > 0:13:00- BANG! - My God, he's shot himself!

0:13:02 > 0:13:09Sorry about that bang, Mr Wilson. Mr Godfrey had one up the spout and it went off by accident.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Nobody was hurt, Mr Mainwaring.

0:13:12 > 0:13:15Nobody was...

0:13:16 > 0:13:23- What's the matter with...? - He's had a shock. Perhaps you could help me.

0:13:23 > 0:13:27- Sit down.- Didn't think rifle fire would affect him.

0:13:29 > 0:13:34I can't get over it! Mr Mainwaring was never an officer.

0:13:34 > 0:13:37He's not an officer at all!

0:13:37 > 0:13:39I wonder how he's taking it.

0:13:39 > 0:13:45He was awful at work. Mr Wilson had to push the post underneath the door.

0:13:45 > 0:13:49We're gonna miss him.

0:13:49 > 0:13:54Serves him right. He struts about the place like a peacock.

0:13:54 > 0:13:57There you all are.

0:13:57 > 0:14:00Just fall in. In three ranks!

0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Come on, Walker!- All right!

0:14:04 > 0:14:07Come on. Just listen to me.

0:14:07 > 0:14:12Now, before we go on with any...eh...

0:14:13 > 0:14:16..any rifle exercises...

0:14:16 > 0:14:24I should tell you that I've been put in charge of this platoon until they appoint a new officer.

0:14:24 > 0:14:29- You're gonna be leading us on the exercise on Sunday?- Yes.

0:14:30 > 0:14:38- What's happening to Mr Mainwaring? - He's no longer a member of this platoon.- That isn't accurate.

0:14:41 > 0:14:47When I was informed that I was no longer your commanding officer,

0:14:47 > 0:14:51my first reaction was to go away quietly.

0:14:51 > 0:14:56Then I thought the defence of this town must come first.

0:14:56 > 0:15:00This country needs every man it can get.

0:15:00 > 0:15:06I was very proud to lead you as Captain Mainwaring.

0:15:06 > 0:15:13I shall be equally proud to march in your rank as Private Mainwaring. That's all.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15TRUMPETING

0:15:16 > 0:15:23Never you mind, Mr Mainwaring. You'll always be CAPTAIN as far as I'm concerned.

0:15:23 > 0:15:28Form a little rank beside me, my dear sir.

0:15:29 > 0:15:32Move over, Mr Godfrey.

0:15:35 > 0:15:42- That was beautiful, that was. Beautifully done. - Very good indeed, sir.

0:15:42 > 0:15:44Sycophants!

0:15:44 > 0:15:47You haven't got a rifle.

0:15:47 > 0:15:51All right. Here you are, sir. Here you are.

0:15:51 > 0:15:58- Now, sir, are you quite sure that you want to go through with this? - I thought I made that clear.- Right.

0:15:58 > 0:16:03In that case, platoon... Are you ready, sir?

0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Get on with it! - Platoon, atten-shun!

0:16:07 > 0:16:08Stand at ease!

0:16:08 > 0:16:11I used to have that trouble.

0:16:14 > 0:16:16- I'm all right now.- Yes, all right.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20Platoon, atten-shun!

0:16:21 > 0:16:23Blast!

0:16:23 > 0:16:27I think you've put me off, Mr Mainwaring!

0:16:27 > 0:16:33- That was so much better, sir. - It wasn't. Do it again, Wilson.

0:16:33 > 0:16:35Platoon, stand at...

0:16:37 > 0:16:39Platoon, stand at...

0:16:41 > 0:16:43Just...eh...just wait for it, sir.

0:16:43 > 0:16:46Stand at ease!

0:16:46 > 0:16:48Platoon...

0:16:48 > 0:16:49atten-shun!

0:16:51 > 0:16:56It took Jonesey a year to get it, and Mainwaring's put him right back!

0:16:56 > 0:16:58< Quiet!

0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Is the platoon ready? - Ready for what?

0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Drill! I'm supposed to drill you. - I told you!

0:17:05 > 0:17:10- Stop talking! Now, let's have a look...- Are you sure...

0:17:10 > 0:17:15- you wouldn't rather just fall out, sir?- Have no fear...- "Sir"?

0:17:15 > 0:17:21- It's awkward...- What is he? A knight(?) A rough night!

0:17:21 > 0:17:28Ain't you got no sense of humour? Come on, have a good laugh, get some air in your lungs!

0:17:28 > 0:17:31I do a lot of laughing, I do.

0:17:34 > 0:17:40I should think you lot would give me a few chuckles before the evening's over.

0:17:40 > 0:17:46What are you laughing at? I'm not really laughing. It's my normal expression.

0:17:46 > 0:17:49The only thing about you that IS normal.

0:17:49 > 0:17:52< Look to the front! Head up!

0:17:52 > 0:17:55< Not that high! Think you're a Bisto Kid?

0:17:55 > 0:18:02No use looking at the ground. There's nothing there. I know - I've been all over it.

0:18:02 > 0:18:04What a 'orrible lot!

0:18:04 > 0:18:10- You an old soldier, are you? - Yes, Sergeant. I've been all through.- I'll bet(!)

0:18:10 > 0:18:15Well, Kitchener may need you but I don't.

0:18:15 > 0:18:21I don't know what I'm doing here. I should be doing something useful, like drilling soldiers.

0:18:21 > 0:18:24Hey, you! Where did you get that hat?

0:18:24 > 0:18:29- I beg your pardon?- That hat!- Hat? - On your 'ead!- I bought it.

0:18:29 > 0:18:36Bought it?! It's an officer's hat! You got no business wearing an officer's hat!

0:18:36 > 0:18:39Who do you think you are?

0:18:39 > 0:18:41Stomach in...chin in... Both of 'em!

0:18:44 > 0:18:48Why aren't you in the Army? I was. I got me ticket.

0:18:48 > 0:18:52What for? Allergic to corned beef!

0:18:52 > 0:18:56You've got "malingerer" written all over you.

0:18:56 > 0:19:00You're due for the Army soon, ain't you?

0:19:00 > 0:19:06I wanna go in the Navy, but me mum says I'm too delicate. Oh, dear(!)

0:19:06 > 0:19:11What's wrong with you? I've got a chest. Really?

0:19:11 > 0:19:13YOU'D LOOK FUNNY WITHOUT ONE!

0:19:13 > 0:19:18I've got a cure for that - running on the spot.

0:19:18 > 0:19:23You look like some foreign nancy-boy treading grapes! Up! Up!

0:19:23 > 0:19:26- And you! Up! Up! Up!- Up! Up! Up!

0:19:26 > 0:19:28- Not YOU!- Up! Up! Up!

0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Up! Up! Up!- HALT!

0:19:31 > 0:19:34But I like it, I like it, sir.

0:19:35 > 0:19:38We got a keen one here, have we?

0:19:38 > 0:19:43You'd better not. I wouldn't like any harm to come to you.

0:19:43 > 0:19:48- You remind me of my granddad. - Really?- Yes. He died five years ago.

0:19:48 > 0:19:54- When they dug him up he looked better than you do now! - You're going too far, Sergeant.

0:19:54 > 0:19:57I beg your pardon?

0:19:57 > 0:20:03- I said, you're going too far. - His Lordship again! Says I'm going too far.

0:20:03 > 0:20:09YOU'RE going too far, but you ain't gonna get anywhere! Up! Up! Up!

0:20:09 > 0:20:12Mr Mainwaring was our officer.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Officers, I hate 'em!

0:20:14 > 0:20:17Up! Up! Up! Up! Halt!

0:20:17 > 0:20:19Hold that.

0:20:22 > 0:20:24Stand at...ease!

0:20:24 > 0:20:27Platoon... Wait for it!

0:20:27 > 0:20:29Platoon...

0:20:29 > 0:20:31atten-shun!

0:20:31 > 0:20:34..You're a bit behind.

0:20:34 > 0:20:36You glamorous knight(!)

0:20:38 > 0:20:43VERY FAST: Stand up straight, chins in, chest out, stomachs in...

0:20:43 > 0:20:45Excuse me. Would you repeat that?

0:20:50 > 0:20:52Slope...arms!

0:20:52 > 0:20:55Oh, give it here!

0:20:55 > 0:21:00Watch me, and when I've done it, do it exactly as I do. Understand?

0:21:00 > 0:21:03Slope...arms!

0:21:03 > 0:21:06One, two, three! One, two, three! One!

0:21:06 > 0:21:08Right!

0:21:10 > 0:21:11Slope...

0:21:11 > 0:21:13arms!

0:21:13 > 0:21:16One, two, three! One, two, three! One!

0:21:22 > 0:21:27- Have you seen anything of the enemy?- Not as yet, Mr Wilson.

0:21:27 > 0:21:33In that case, we'd better send out a scout. We don't want to run into an ambush.

0:21:33 > 0:21:40- I'd like to volunteer for that, Mr Wilson. Let me be your scout. - All right. Very well, then.

0:21:40 > 0:21:45In that case, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to run...over there...

0:21:45 > 0:21:50to that little thing, that little humpty, have a look...

0:21:50 > 0:21:57- and if you can't see the Eastgate platoon...- The SOUTHGATE platoon. - It doesn't matter what it is.

0:21:57 > 0:22:02If it's all clear, give us the signal and we'll come on.

0:22:02 > 0:22:08Very well, Mr Wilson. I'll go running up there... and I will go to the humpty.

0:22:08 > 0:22:15- And if there's no enemy present, I will signal you and you'll come on.- Yes.

0:22:15 > 0:22:17Off you go.

0:22:26 > 0:22:29I don't think you should have sent him.

0:22:29 > 0:22:35- I couldn't stop him.- Mr Mainwaring wouldn't have done that.- Oh, Lord!

0:23:22 > 0:23:24All clear. Look.

0:23:27 > 0:23:33- Why's he signalling with his trousers? - He always overdoes everything!

0:23:33 > 0:23:38All right. Come on. Let's go. Come on, Godfrey. Can you manage?

0:23:59 > 0:24:04What a terrible disgrace - letting ourselves be wiped out like that!

0:24:04 > 0:24:09They'll be no platoon left for the new officer to take charge of!

0:24:09 > 0:24:12Hear that, Jonesey?

0:24:12 > 0:24:18- I heard it. The platoon's at rock bottom. - If only we had Mr Mainwaring back.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24Joe, what about it?

0:24:24 > 0:24:29It's no good looking at ME, mate. This time I'M stumped.

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Hey, I've got an idea.

0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, why shouldn't I have one?

0:24:43 > 0:24:46"Dear sir, permission to write.

0:24:46 > 0:24:53"As an old soldier of 30 years' service and a member of the Royal Antidiluvian Order of Buffalos,

0:24:53 > 0:24:58"may I put in a good word for our late captain?

0:24:58 > 0:25:03"His reduction in rank has had a shattering effect on our morals..."

0:25:03 > 0:25:07"Dear sir, as the youngest member of the platoon,

0:25:07 > 0:25:14"I would like to say what a fine soldier, officer and gentleman Mr Mainwaring is...are...

0:25:16 > 0:25:18"..was.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20"My mum says..."

0:25:20 > 0:25:25"Dear sir, may I most humbly and respectfully beg to place before you

0:25:25 > 0:25:30"the following facts for consideration at your convenience?

0:25:30 > 0:25:33"Mr Mainwaring has always..."

0:25:33 > 0:25:40"Dear sir, this caper of slashing our officer, Captain Mainwaring, down to size, is not much bottle.

0:25:40 > 0:25:44"Fair do's is what I says. J. Walker, esq.

0:25:44 > 0:25:50"P.S. If a couple of bottles of Scotch would tip the balance, you're on."

0:25:52 > 0:25:56Here, Jock, aren't you going to write a letter?

0:25:56 > 0:25:59I'll do it when I get home.

0:25:59 > 0:26:04I'm not illiterate. I'm capable of writing a letter by mysel'!

0:26:08 > 0:26:14"Dear sirs, now that the post of commanding officer for the platoon is vacant,

0:26:14 > 0:26:21"I would like you to consider a certain private who served with distinction during the last conflict.

0:26:21 > 0:26:27"Jealousy has caused him to be ignored in the past whenever promotion was due.

0:26:27 > 0:26:32"In spite of all this, I feel I must reveal his name, which is...

0:26:35 > 0:26:38"..Private Frazer.

0:26:40 > 0:26:43"Signed, a well-wisher."

0:26:49 > 0:26:56After receiving all these letters, GHQ felt duty-bound to grant Mr Mainwaring his commission.

0:26:56 > 0:26:57HOORAY!

0:26:57 > 0:27:04Southgate, Eastgate and Walmington-On-Sea will be formed into a company

0:27:04 > 0:27:09with Mr Mainwaring as second-in-command, and his rank of captain confirmed.

0:27:09 > 0:27:13- Hooray! Hooray! - Hoi! No need to overdo it, you know.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Good news, eh, Sergeant? - Awfully good.

0:27:16 > 0:27:23The letters were unanimous in their praise for Captain Mainwaring. Well, practically unanimous.

0:27:25 > 0:27:29- Congratulations, Captain. - Thank you, sir.

0:27:29 > 0:27:33- And thank you, men, for your trust. - You have that!

0:27:35 > 0:27:42I assure you that I shall continue to lead you to the best of my ability as long as I'm needed.

0:27:42 > 0:27:44That's great!

0:27:44 > 0:27:46Dismissed.

0:27:47 > 0:27:51- Good luck to you, sir! - Thank you.

0:27:51 > 0:27:54Congratulations. Welcome home, Captain!

0:27:54 > 0:27:58If you need anything, tip me the wink.

0:27:58 > 0:28:01Ever so pleased, sir. And me mum.

0:28:01 > 0:28:07If ever you're minded to make up another lance corporal, I'm perfectly willing...

0:28:07 > 0:28:10no, PROUD, to serve under ye.

0:28:10 > 0:28:13I'll bear that in mind, Frazer.

0:28:15 > 0:28:18Nasty business.

0:28:18 > 0:28:23- But all's well that ends well. - Yes. It did have its funny side.

0:28:23 > 0:28:27When I got home, I laughed and laughed.

0:28:27 > 0:28:30- Did you really?- Yes.

0:28:30 > 0:28:35To think that all the time you were running things...

0:28:35 > 0:28:39- you had no authority over us at all.- I know.

0:28:40 > 0:28:46None whatever. Hadn't even got the authority to promote you to sergeant.

0:28:48 > 0:28:53Still, I'm sure everything will sort itself out eventually.

0:28:53 > 0:28:58In the meantime, perhaps you'd care to borrow my penknife.

0:29:52 > 0:29:56Subtitles by BBC