0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Stand at ease!
0:01:01 > 0:01:08Now I was very disappointed at the turn-out for church parade last Sunday.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13I'd just like to remind you that during Dunkirk,
0:01:13 > 0:01:20His Majesty the King called for a day of prayer. It worked damn well.
0:01:20 > 0:01:28- I was delivering essential supplies to ATS girls. - Couldn't that wait?- It was elastic.
0:01:28 > 0:01:34- I see. - For their knickers... - All right, all right.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39I also noticed, Pike, that your hair was too long.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43- It's over your collar. Get it cut.- Yes, but...
0:01:43 > 0:01:49Yours is long too, Wilson. You're not a violin player.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55- Mum said it looks romantic. - Frank!
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Romantic? Well, I don't see it.
0:01:58 > 0:02:05- Now, I've had a letter from the Chief Warden of the ARP. - If it's about me...
0:02:05 > 0:02:11- in the shelter with Mrs Prosser, it's not true.- I beg your pardon?
0:02:11 > 0:02:16She came over a bit faint. I took her down there to recover.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21- It's not that! - If it was...- Be quiet.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26It's to challenge us to a game of cricket.
0:02:26 > 0:02:31- I used to be a passable opening bat. - I'll keep wicket, sir.
0:02:31 > 0:02:37I once kept wicket in the rear of the great Ranjitsinhji, sir.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42A fine upstanding man till I whipped his bails off.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Made his eyes water a bit, too.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Well, we do need a wicket-keeper.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53I'd like a game as well, please.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58I can get a couple of reconditioned balls.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03- Thank you, Walker. - As long as I'm not running about...
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Near the pavilion. He gets caught short...
0:03:07 > 0:03:15- That'll do, Walker. How about you, Frazer?- Aye, if you explain the principle of it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20Well, we have the nucleus of a team. Shall we play them?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Y-E-S!
0:03:22 > 0:03:30- Right, tell them we'll accept, Wilson.- I will indeed, sir. Who's going to be Captain?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I am.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40Now, watch this ball very carefully, Walker.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47You were very lucky there.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55I want to give you a tip here. This applies to all of you.
0:03:55 > 0:04:01Whether you're playing forward to a good length ball, thus...
0:04:01 > 0:04:07or whether you're... Wilson, where are you going?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Well, I thought I'd just skip this lecture.
0:04:10 > 0:04:17- Skip the...? This is for your benefit too. - Is it? So sorry.
0:04:17 > 0:04:24Or when you're playing a short-length ball...thus...
0:04:24 > 0:04:30In any case, you always keep the bat absolutely straight.
0:04:30 > 0:04:37- Why?- Because it's the correct way to do it. If you slash at it, you'll miss the ball.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- But I hit it, didn't I?- It was luck. - Oh.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46Pike, send me a good length down, will you?
0:04:46 > 0:04:50I'm going to put it right there.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Right, Pike.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Pike...
0:05:01 > 0:05:08Now, I want you to pay particular attention to the fact that my eye never leaves the ball,
0:05:08 > 0:05:15from the bowler's hand to striking the middle of the bat, there.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Sorry about that, Mr Mainwaring.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35The sun's very bright today.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40You seemed to lose sight of it somewhere, sir.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- Let's see how you shape up, Godfrey.- Thank you, sir.
0:05:47 > 0:05:54- Are there any pads? - We shan't be sending any fast ones down.- But my shins chip very easily.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Let's see how you shape up.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Right, send him one down, Pike.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Pike!
0:06:06 > 0:06:13- Have you never played this game before? - Yes, for the gents' outfitters.
0:06:13 > 0:06:20We played the tobacco department. I named it Gentlemen versus Players.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- Why did you call it that? - I was a wag in those days.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30I see. Now... the left hand a bit further round.
0:06:30 > 0:06:37That's it. Left shoulder further round. Head down. Look up.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Feet a little more apart.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Right arm straight.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Just relax like that for a moment.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52All right, Pike. Send one down.
0:06:52 > 0:06:58- Right. A googly, or an easy one like you had? - Just bowl.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Stop! Pike!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Are you all right?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Stupid boy.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22Now, we can all learn something from Pike's bowling mistakes.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Your left hand wasn't high enough. It must be up there. Like that.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Let's try that, shall we? Line up here.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38- Shall I remain poised for action, sir?- Stand down.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Right. Cartwheel motion, you see? Over.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Over.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Wilson, pretend you're doing a cartwheel.
0:07:51 > 0:07:57- I've never done a cartwheel, sir. - Never?- Never in my life.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Extraordinary.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Right, let's see how it works out.
0:08:03 > 0:08:09Sorry I'm late. I did a coupon count, then the sausages arrived.
0:08:09 > 0:08:16- No excuses. A parade is a parade. - I put your sausages in your desk.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Thank you, Jones. Just watch it in future.
0:08:21 > 0:08:27- Let's get on with the practice. - Can I take the strike, sir?- Right.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Thank you. Left, right, left, right.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Left, right, left, right, halt.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Now, pay particular attention to the way I hold the ball.
0:08:41 > 0:08:48Finger on the seam, slightly to the left, and note the wrist action.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Very good, Godfrey.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59And the final flick of the finger, of course,
0:08:59 > 0:09:05which will bring it in from the outside of the off-stump.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08We hope.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Stand clear, please.
0:09:10 > 0:09:18This ball might fox you a bit, Jones, but you must do what you can with it. There we go.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23CRASH OF GLASS
0:09:25 > 0:09:30Pike, ask the vicar if we can have our ball back.
0:09:36 > 0:09:44- There we are. EC Egan, isn't it?- That's right. - I'm Hodges. We spoke on the phone.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49- Gerald, meet EC Egan. - How do you do? Hello, Gerald.
0:09:49 > 0:09:56- He bowled Denis Compton, Len Hutton and Joe Hardstaff in two overs.- And Edrich.
0:09:56 > 0:10:04I reckon two overs from him will finish Mainwaring's lot. Wait till you see Mainwaring's face.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09Would you mind signing here? That makes you a warden.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12All official then.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17- What happens if the siren goes? - You resign.
0:10:18 > 0:10:25- Ah, Mr Hodges, have my men arrived? - No. Probably sleeping on guard somewhere.- That is not amusing.
0:10:25 > 0:10:32- I hear you lot have been practising. - Hardly. Just getting our form back.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37Not for long. When my blokes arrive, send them through, will you?
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Gerald, Ernie... You don't mind if I call you Ernie?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Hello, Mr Mainwaring.
0:10:46 > 0:10:53- What's that you're wearing? - I wear it for bowls, it's nice and shady.
0:10:53 > 0:11:00- No, no, we can't have that. I'll lend you a cap.- I got 'em. - Got what?
0:11:00 > 0:11:08- The round things we were talkin' about.- The cricket balls?- Yeah. £2.10s each, £4 for the pair.
0:11:08 > 0:11:16- I'm not paying that sort of money. Whoever heard of that price for a cricket ball?- Okay, £2 each.
0:11:16 > 0:11:23- You'd sell your own grandmother, wouldn't you? - There's no market for her.
0:11:36 > 0:11:42- Good grief!- It was old Mr Parkinson. I knew him well.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45You can't play cricket like that!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48It's all here.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I couldnae go to THAT dressed for this, could I?
0:11:53 > 0:12:00- This cap is a little large. - Well, stuff it with some paper, it'll look fine.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05Sorry if I'm a bit late, sir. This bag's rather heavy.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08What's that you're wearing?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12It's a club I used to belong to.
0:12:12 > 0:12:19- A bit dazzling, isn't it? - One doesn't wear it at the wicket. - I'm well aware of that, Wilson.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Pike!
0:12:24 > 0:12:33- Where are your white flannels? - Me mum put them in the dolly tub and they shrunk above my knees.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Come here, boy.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Pike!
0:12:46 > 0:12:54Now look here, Pike... You're not only a member of the platoon. You're an employee of the bank too.
0:12:54 > 0:13:01- Looking like that could jeopardise your entire career. You understand? - Yes, sir.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I've got a spare pair of flannels. I'll lend them to you.
0:13:07 > 0:13:16- Not the sort of thing I like to do. Trousers are a very personal thing. Not to be bandied about.- No.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20They're in my bag. Go and get them.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25And take that dreadful eyeshade off.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- Edward G Robinson wears one. - Not on the cricket field.
0:13:30 > 0:13:36- Right. Ready, Captain Mainwaring? - My boys are ready.- Boys? Blimey!
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- Shall we toss here, or on the pitch?- We'll do it here.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Just a moment. Shouldn't the umpire do that?
0:13:46 > 0:13:51- Oh, it's like that, is it? Where are the umpires?- Umpires!
0:13:51 > 0:13:58- Mr Mainwaring, good afternoon. Shouldn't we have white coats, or something?- Yes. Jones!
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Don't panic. Don't panic.
0:14:02 > 0:14:09I'm sorry about the blood stains, but a small piece of kidney got left in the pocket.
0:14:09 > 0:14:17- All right, thank you.- Right, Vicar. You call, Captain. Age before beauty. Age before beauty!
0:14:17 > 0:14:23I'm not used to this. Don't worry. It's not real gambling.
0:14:23 > 0:14:30- Heads.- It's tails. You've lost. - Sorry, Captain. You're fielding.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Looks like a good day for it.
0:14:35 > 0:14:41Indeed. Are you in a hurry to get away after the match, Mr Yeatman?
0:14:41 > 0:14:46Not particularly, sir. Then remove your bicycle clips.
0:14:48 > 0:14:55- It'll be good to hear the sound of willow on leather again, Wilson.- Yes, sir.
0:14:55 > 0:15:03- Free men, enjoying a British game. That's what we're fighting for. - Among other things.
0:15:03 > 0:15:10- You managed to get into them, Pike? - Yes, but you're a bit shorter than I am, and a bit fatter.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15Keep your hands in your pockets until the ball's delivered.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- Bowl 'em fast as you like, sir. - Right, Jones.
0:15:21 > 0:15:27We'll take it easy for a couple of overs, then really get on top of it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Closer, Pike. I often get one with a short catch.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- I might get me head bashed in. - Do as you're told, Pike.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42Well, it's just a touch to the middle.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47- That's near enough wi' HIM bowling. - Ready, Vicar?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Quite ready, Mr Yeatman.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Will you be saying grace, sir?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58No, Mr Yeatman. I don't think it's usual.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Right.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Play.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Are you gonna stand there, lad?
0:16:12 > 0:16:18- He told me to. - You'll get your head bashed in. - Can I move?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21No, stay where you are, Pike.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Blimey, I can hear the creaking from here.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Howzat?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Very spectacular, but it's not out.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48- I didn't even move. - If you HAD moved, I'd have had you.
0:16:48 > 0:16:54- D'you suppose he's going to do that every time?- He's very keen.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03There we are. All ship-shape and Bristol fashion.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Play!
0:17:14 > 0:17:21- Four! - Just tempting him. - Don't bother to run singles.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- Six! - Tempting him again, sir?
0:17:41 > 0:17:47- Please can I stand farther away, Mr Mainwaring?- No.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Look out for a catch this time, Wilson.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I can hardly bear to look.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- WIDE!- Bad luck, sir.
0:18:06 > 0:18:14- Personally, I don't think it was too wide at all. - Are you doubting my integrity?
0:18:14 > 0:18:18No, just your judgement.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Every ball a new adventure.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Are you any relation to Tarzan?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- No ball!- That was my googly.
0:18:33 > 0:18:41- It was a chuck, and don't argue or you'll be sent off.- You don't send people off in cricket.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46- I do.- I suppose I'm lucky not to have been given off-side?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I'm taking your name for that.
0:18:49 > 0:18:55Mainwaring. Gross impertinence and sarcasm.
0:18:55 > 0:19:01I wonder what he's got up his sleeve. I wish I was wearing pads.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Howzat, sir?
0:19:06 > 0:19:12- How was that, sir? - Not out, you old fool. Any berk can tell you that.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Jones, come here.
0:19:20 > 0:19:26- Sorry, sir. - Jones, you must make sure he's out of his crease,
0:19:26 > 0:19:34- otherwise the vicar will be banging the stumps back all day. - I'll do that, sir.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Right, let's try again, shall we?
0:19:39 > 0:19:45This is more than flesh and blood can stand.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Run, Gerald, run! - Catch it, Godfrey!
0:20:00 > 0:20:08- Hurry up, Godfrey! - Sorry, Mr Mainwaring, I seem to have mislaid the ball.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Frazer, Walker, Pike, come on.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Come on, Gerald, keep it up.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Five...
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Six...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Seven...
0:20:27 > 0:20:33- Didn't you keep your eye on it, Godfrey?- It's about here.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Dammit, they're still running.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Eleven...
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Twelve...
0:20:42 > 0:20:50- How much longer do we have to keep this up?- Keep running. - But...- Just keep running.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Not you.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Fourteen...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Fifteen...
0:20:59 > 0:21:05- This is ridiculous. - This needs the heavy roller on it.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10Could we join hands and tread the ground?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Nineteen...
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Twenty...
0:21:16 > 0:21:23- Tell you what, how about using the other one? - Oh, all right. Two pounds, is it?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Don't bother. Have it on me.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32How was that, sir?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Twenty-four, Mr Blewitt.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I've busted me point with them.
0:21:38 > 0:21:46- You can't run 24. It was a lost ball.- You just threw it in. - We just found it.- So it's not lost.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- Play on!- It's over. - Oh, all right, over then.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10'Owzat!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23How was it?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27How was that? How was it, sir?
0:22:41 > 0:22:49Well, 152 for 4 is not bad, lads. I think we'll declare and let your lot have a bash.
0:22:49 > 0:22:56- That gives us three hours. Very sporting of you.- Yes, indeed.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00When you've finished your tea, lads...
0:23:00 > 0:23:08- How many overs do you think you'll need to skittle them out. Three or four?- Oh, about four.
0:23:08 > 0:23:17- Where's the little fat chap gonna bat?- Number one, probably. - I'll get him with the second ball.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I'm going to enjoy this.
0:23:24 > 0:23:32- I'll take first knock, Wilson. - Naturally. Is Mrs Mainwaring spectating?- No.
0:23:32 > 0:23:40- She's not one for outdoor sports. - More the indoor type? - No, I wouldn't say that either.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45Close in, lads. We'll probably get a few sitters.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Middle and leg, please, Mr Yeatman.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Can't you make up your mind?
0:23:59 > 0:24:05I'm only trying to do what's right. Play!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Just a moment.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Have a good look round. You won't be there long.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18He'd have been bowling for England if the war hadn't started.
0:24:33 > 0:24:40- Where's he going? - It's WHERE he comes to you, you want to worry about.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43He bowls at 95 miles an hour.
0:24:55 > 0:25:03- Enjoying yourself, Mainwaring? - He's not bowling at the stumps, he's bowling at me.
0:25:03 > 0:25:10- Ohh!- What's up?- Ohh! Me shoulder. - What are you talking about?
0:25:10 > 0:25:18- I shan't be able to bowl again for two weeks.- Where you goin'? - I'm goin' off.
0:25:18 > 0:25:24Cor blimey! Now we ARE in trouble. Henry, you bowl. Dear, oh dear.
0:25:24 > 0:25:32- Serves you right, Hodges. I'm going to enjoy this. - Play!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Blimey, he's hit it.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59OUT!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03You're out. LBW. As plain as the nose on your face.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06You're out! You're out!
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Do try to control your staff, Vicar.
0:27:48 > 0:27:54- 'Ere, Sgt Wilson's doin' well. That's 81 he's made.- Y-e-s.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56He's had some very narrow escapes.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04- That's it. You're in, Godfrey. - Oh, dear.
0:28:04 > 0:28:11We only want five runs to win. Just try not to get out, and perhaps Wilson will scrape them.
0:28:11 > 0:28:19- Let me go in again, sir. - Don't be silly, Jones. - I could disguise myself.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20He'll be out first ball.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29He hit it.
0:28:48 > 0:28:53Foolish, he should have taken a single and left it to Wilson.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05It's going to be a six!
0:29:05 > 0:29:08That's it.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16I knew you could do it, Godfrey.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20Well done, Godfrey. You saved the day.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24- I should never have declared. - But you did.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27Just wait for the football season, mate!
0:29:27 > 0:29:36We're ready for any challenge, whether it comes from you or across the Channel. Right, men?
0:29:36 > 0:29:41- Three cheers for the losers. Hip, hip...- HOORAY!
0:29:41 > 0:29:45- And for Godfrey and Wilson. Hip, hip...- HOORAY!
0:29:45 > 0:29:47SIREN SOUNDS
0:29:50 > 0:29:55Here they come again. To your posts, men, at the double.