0:00:05 > 0:00:09My favourite episode, after due consideration of all the programmes,
0:00:09 > 0:00:13and there are 80 of them, was one called Mum's Army.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15I've been approached by some of the womenfolk,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17who want to join us in our fight against the common foe.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19For making the tea, and the cocoa, etc.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Buttons! - I beg your pardon?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Buttons. Buttons, sir. They could sew on buttons.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Precisely. Yes, that's a very good point, Frazer.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30We used to read through the episodes to begin with on Monday,
0:00:30 > 0:00:36and when we read through this one, Arthur said he didn't like it.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37He said, "Quite honestly,
0:00:37 > 0:00:42"if I'd seen this programme before today, I wouldn't have done it."
0:00:42 > 0:00:45I said, "For God's sake, you've had the thing a month!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46"What have you done with it?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48"Why haven't you read it?"
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Gradually, I think, because his wife probably spoke to him - she used to
0:00:52 > 0:00:57read the scripts for him, and tell him what was good and what wasn't.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59And I think, by the end of the week...
0:00:59 > 0:01:02By Thursday, he was saying, "This programme is genius."
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- I know you fancy yourself as a ladies' man.- What?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08But those women are going to be subjected to the same
0:01:08 > 0:01:10discipline as the men, so let's start as we mean to go on.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Well, at least we can be polite to them, sir.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I quite agree with you, but we don't need all this Jack Buchanan stuff.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19It was a unique episode, because otherwise, we virtually had
0:01:19 > 0:01:21no women at all.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23The occasional wife would creep in somehow,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25but otherwise they didn't figure.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28But it was very good for Frazer, saying,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30"She's got lovely big thighs," you know.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32"Firm thighs."
0:01:32 > 0:01:35May I point out that Miss Ironside here is doing it very, very well?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Her legs are coming together with a firm, strong action.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Just you listen, sir.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Thank you, Frazer.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49I hadn't noticed that that girl's got very big thighs, had you?
0:01:49 > 0:01:54It was also an opportunity to put Wendy Richard into the show,
0:01:54 > 0:01:55as Walker's girlfriend.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Arthur Lowe loved Wendy Richard.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Now, where do you live, Miss Usher... Er... Er...Parish?
0:02:03 > 0:02:09- Down Berwick Road. 35.- Berwick Road. - Yes. I live with my dad.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12He's 6ft 3, so don't you go getting any ideas.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16The other thing one had to do was stop him being charming,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20cos that was disastrous, when he was trying to be sort of likeable,
0:02:20 > 0:02:21and all that sort of thing.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24I said, "For God's sake, play it selfish, and he did.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Christian name? - Fiona.- Fiona.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- A pretty name. - Oh!
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- You think so?- Yes, it's always been one of my favourites.- Oh, thank you.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42I was very lucky to get Carmen Silvera to play Mrs Gray.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47She's a lovely actress, and she was so retiring, and so delicate,
0:02:47 > 0:02:48the way she played it.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52And, of course, ultimately, I used her in 'Allo! 'Allo!
0:02:52 > 0:02:58But she was so poignant and so lovely in Mum's Army.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59It was a beautiful performance.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Do you always wear glasses?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Yes. Yes, I always have.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Would you take them off for a moment?
0:03:08 > 0:03:09If you wish.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Oh, that's so much better.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18I think it's more reflective and more sad, in a way,
0:03:18 > 0:03:25and more indicative of an awful lot of Mainwaring, Arthur Lowe's talent.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29And he was able to express things in that programme, I think,
0:03:29 > 0:03:33that he couldn't normally express at all.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36But I... I... I don't want you to go.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38The whole pattern of my life has changed.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- I just live from one meeting to the next.- I know.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And I'm just the same, but it's the only thing to do.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- People are talking.- People always talk. Who cares about that?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49A lot of people said it was like Brief Encounter, which it was,
0:03:49 > 0:03:50quite honestly.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I'd seen Brief Encounter, and thought it was something that
0:03:53 > 0:03:56was very suitable for a programme, just a one-off.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- But there's your wife. - Nobody will talk to HER.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05She hasn't left the house since Munich.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I think it's very much my favourite programme,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and I think everybody will enjoy it. I hope they enjoy it.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12It was great fun to do.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24# If you think we're on the run?
0:04:24 > 0:04:29# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:04:29 > 0:04:33# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:04:33 > 0:04:38# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:04:38 > 0:04:43# If you think old England's done?
0:04:43 > 0:04:48# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21
0:04:48 > 0:04:53# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:04:53 > 0:04:58# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02# If you think old England's done? #
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Platoon, stand at ease!
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Atten-SHUN!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Try and do it with the others, Jonesy.- Sorry, Sergeant. Sorry.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Thank you, Wilson.- Aye, sir. - Stand at EASE!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I know what's happening, sir.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24You see, you're at that end of the line, and your voice of command
0:05:24 > 0:05:28takes time to travel through the air.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Yes, well, something like that.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Perhaps if you were to nod your head, sir,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34he might catch on a bit quicker.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Yes, sir. If you nod your head, you'll not find me wanting.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40We can't get involved in all that.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Now, pay attention. - HUP!
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- What's the matter, Jones?- You nodded, so I sprung to it, sir.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49We're not doing that now.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Now, I've been approached by some of the womenfolk.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54HUP!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57What is it now?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I was standing to attention, so I eased myself, sir.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05The womenfolk want to join us in our fight against the common foe.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- For making the tea, and the cocoa, etc.- Buttons!
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I beg your pardon?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Buttons. Buttons, sir. They could sew on buttons.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Precisely. Yes, that's a very good point, Frazer.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- Make a note of that, Wilson. - Yes, sir.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- HUP! - Jones!
0:06:18 > 0:06:24Yes, sir, I... Oh, we're not doing the nodding now, are we? Sorry, sir.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- I suppose there will come a time when he'll have to go.- Yes.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31The new girl at the sweet shop is ever so obliging.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Really?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Well, that sounds like the sort of girl we want.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Comforts for the troops(!)
0:06:39 > 0:06:42All right, Walker, that'll do. Let's not have any of that sort of talk.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Sir, there's a lassie works for the Gaslight and Coke Company.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52She's a sonsie girl wi' big, strong thighs that....
0:06:52 > 0:06:54You're right there.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- They're very strong when they've got strong thighs.- Don't I know it.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Anyway, bring them along tomorrow night. We only need a handful.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And with proper training, they'll release us, the front line,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06the fighting troops, to grapple with the enemy.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I don't think Jonesy and Frazer will have much energy left
0:07:09 > 0:07:11after grappling with those big, strong thighs.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Walker, I shan't tell you again.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18# Run, rabbit! Run, rabbit! Run, run, run... #
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Hello, Wilson. - Good evening, sir.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- How goes the recruiting?- Very well. The men have brought quite a few.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Right, let's bash on. Bring them in. - I'll find out who's first, sir.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Right, now...
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- Sergeant Wilson, this is Mrs Fox. - Mrs Fox.- How do you do?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- How do you do? Would you care to step this way?- Ta, ever so.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49- What a very humid day it's been, hasn't it?- Oh, yes, it has.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54- But you look so wonderfully cool. - Oh!- Yes, you do. You really do.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59- This is Mrs Fox, sir.- How do you do, Mrs Fox?- Nicely, thank you.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Mrs Fox is one of my most regular customers, sir.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I'm sure she'll give complete satisfaction, sir.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Yes, thank you very much, Jones.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14How terribly rude of me! Do sit down. Do make yourself comfortable.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Thank you. - Is there anything I can do for you?
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- Would you like a cup of tea? - Oh, I don't think...- Wilson!
0:08:20 > 0:08:27- The kettle's on. It's no problem. - Wilson! Wilson, just a minute!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I'd like a word with you outside.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Excuse us, Mrs Fox.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- Yes?- Look here, Wilson. - Yes?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- I know you fancy yourself as a ladies' man...- What?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44The women will be subjected
0:08:44 > 0:08:47to the same discipline as the men, so let's start as we mean to go on.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Well, at least we can be polite to them, sir.- I quite agree with you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54But we don't need all this Jack Buchanan stuff.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Stick to the matter in hand, shall we?- All right, then.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- As you say, sir. - Well, come on, let's get back.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Sorry about that, Mrs Fox.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09- Now, the name was Fox. - Yes.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10What's the Christian name?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Marcia.- Marcia.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13What a pretty name!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Do you really think so?
0:09:18 > 0:09:23- I do. It's one of my favourites. I do love that name.- Wilson!- Sorry.
0:09:23 > 0:09:30Mr Mainwaring, here's my address. I've put my age on the bottom.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I was just telling Mr Mainwaring,
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I've put my age on the bottom.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Occupation?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Widow.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Is that an occupation?
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- In Mrs Fox's case, I would say it was almost a calling.- Wilson!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Mrs Fox, would you like to join us?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I didn't know you'd come apart!
0:09:58 > 0:10:02That's awfully good! Very funny, Mrs Fox.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Don't you think so, sir? That's a very funny joke.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11I'll take that as an affirmative answer. Thank you, Mrs Fox.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Thanks ever so much, Mr Mainwaring. - Let me show you out, Mrs Fox.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Mrs Fox has got a very dry wit.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- A what?- A very dry wit, the way she comes out with the jokes.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32This is the young lady I told you about, sir. Ivy Samways.
0:10:32 > 0:10:38- Oh, yes.- I think she's the one, sir, who is so awfully obliging.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Yes, thank you, Wilson.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42- Jones! - Sir?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- You needn't stay. - Right, thank you, sir.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50Now, then, Miss Samways... JONES CLUMPS HIS FEET
0:10:56 > 0:10:58You're a shop assistant, aren't you?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Oh, get out, Jones!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07You're a shop assistant, aren't you?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09What's your address?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11SHE WHISPERS
0:11:13 > 0:11:14I beg your pardon?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16SHE WHISPERS
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I'm sorry, I still didn't quite catch that.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- Jutland Drive. - Oh, Jutland Drive. What number?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27SHE WHISPERS
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Hm?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30SHE WHISPERS
0:11:30 > 0:11:3227!
0:11:32 > 0:11:3627! Now, Miss Samways,
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I wonder what sort of a task we can find for you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Answering the telephone, do you think, sir?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48You're trying my patience rather far today, Wilson.
0:11:48 > 0:11:54- She could look after the secret files.- Thank you, Miss Samways.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Thank you.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- A word, sir. - Yes?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00The lassie from the Gaslight and Coke Company cannae be here tonight,
0:12:00 > 0:12:07sir, but she's very keen. Just what we need. A fine, firm-bodied lassie.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Sonsie, you understand, wi' big, strong thighs.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Yes, all right, Frazer. Bring her tomorrow.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16I'll do that, sir.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21This is a friend of mine, Mr Mainwaring, Edith Parish.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Miss Parish. Have you an occupation?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Yes, I'm an usherette. - Yeah, down at the Tivoli cinema.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29They're the ones with the torches.
0:12:29 > 0:12:35- You must see a lot of pictures. - Yes, and a lot of other things.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Now, where do you live, Miss Usher... Er... Er...Parish?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Down Berwick Road. 35.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Berwick Road. - Yes. I live with my dad.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49He's 6ft 3, so don't you go getting any ideas.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54That will be all, thank you, Miss Parish.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I'll see she comes round tomorrow.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58(You shouldn't have said that.)
0:12:58 > 0:13:04- I don't think that's the class of girl we want.- No, possibly not.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Any more? - No, I think that's it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Send the men home. They had rather a late night last night.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I'll sort some of this out.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12All right, sir.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17All right, well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Captain Mainwaring?
0:13:23 > 0:13:29- Yes.- I hear you need women helpers for the Home Guard.- That's correct.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Do take a seat. - Thank you.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I've been told all about this platoon.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I think you've done a wonderful job.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41We try to do our best for England in her hour of need.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I'd love to help, just to feel that I was doing something.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Oh, good.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Your face is familiar. Are you a member of the golf club?
0:13:51 > 0:13:56No, I'm new here. Mother and I left London to escape the bombing.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- I see.- I'd love to have stayed, not that I could have done much,
0:14:00 > 0:14:03but just being there to show that wretched little Hitler
0:14:03 > 0:14:05we're not giving in.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09By Jove, that's the sort of talk I like to hear! What name?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Gray. - Gray.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Christian name? - Fiona.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Fiona... What a pretty name!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Oh, do you think so?
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- Yes, it's always been one of my favourites.- Oh, thank you.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Have you an occupation?
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Widow, I suppose, if you can call that an occupation.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I think, in your case, Mrs Gray, it's almost a c...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Widow. And the address?
0:14:40 > 0:14:45- 31 Wilton Gardens.- Oh, Wilton Gardens? That's quite close to us.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Yes, I know. I see you go to the bank every morning.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Do you really?- And how wonderfully punctual you are!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- We thought you were three minutes late the other day.- Was I?
0:14:53 > 0:14:59- No. The clock was wrong.- I have to set an example to the youngsters.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03Oh, I do agree. All the old standards are declining so rapidly.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Oh, they are. They are indeed.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Yes, well, I mustn't keep you.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Well, shall we say tomorrow night? We usually parade at seven o'clock.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I can't wait to start.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19At the moment my life consists of coffee in Anne's Pantry,
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- and making the dahlias grow. - Oh, I love dahlias.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Do you grow them too?
0:15:25 > 0:15:30Unfortunately, no. My wife says that they encourage the earwigs.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35What a shame! But she's quite right.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40Captain Mainwaring, may I ask you something awfully personal?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Yes? - Do you always wear glasses?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Yes. Yes, I always have.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Would you take them off for a moment?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52If you wish.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Oh, that's so much better!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I think spectacles...
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Well, they take away the warmth in a person's eyes,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04just as a fireguard takes away so much of the heat.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I suppose they do. I never thought of it that way.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Hello, sir. Still here, I see.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Yes. This is a new recruit, Mrs Fiona Gray.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Fiona? What a pretty name!
0:16:20 > 0:16:25Yes, I think I got all the details. Shall we say tomorrow night, then?
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- I can't wait to start. Goodbye. - Goodbye, Mrs Gray.- Goodbye.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- Now, there's a charming woman. - I'm sure, sir.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Just the sort of material we need.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44You're a pretty good judge of that sort of thing.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how they all shape up.
0:16:49 > 0:16:56# Oh, no, it isn't the spring It's love in bloom... #
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Are you all right, sir?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Have you lost your glasses?
0:17:33 > 0:17:38No, certainly not. Just took them off for a moment.
0:17:38 > 0:17:44- Let's get on with it, shall we? - Right, sir.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Platoon, atten-SHUN!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Welcome, ladies. LADIES:- Good evening, Mr Mainwaring.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Today I'll teach you the rudiments of foot drill,
0:17:56 > 0:18:01so we can turn out as a disciplined body of men and women.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04First, the "at ease" position.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09To stand at ease properly, you have the feet comfortably apart,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11about 18 inches.
0:18:13 > 0:18:19Place the right hand over the left over your bott...er,
0:18:19 > 0:18:23in the small of the back. Have you all got that?
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Lot of red tape nonsense! - No talking in the ranks, Mum.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Pike, no talking in the ranks.
0:18:31 > 0:18:37To stand to attention, you place the weight on the right foot,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40raise the left...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- I'm doing this in slow motion, you understand -
0:18:42 > 0:18:45..then bring it up to the...
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Are you all right, sir? - Yes, yes.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Bring it up to the right foot, so.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Now, here comes the tricky bit.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58At the same time, you put the hands down by the sides,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01thumbs in line with the seams of the trousers.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- Permission to speak, sir? - Yes.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07The ladies aren't wearing trousers, sir.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Cos they're ladies, you see.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Perhaps they could put their thumbs down the side of their knickers.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Walker, fall out! Go and stand over there.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18You'll take no further part in this.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I didn't say nothing, did I?
0:19:21 > 0:19:26- Let's try that. Give the order, Sergeant.- Platoon, atten-SHUN!
0:19:28 > 0:19:32No, no. That was very sloppy.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- Not you, Mrs Gray. That was very good.- Thank you.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Now, I want you to stand upright, stomach in, chest out.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Not you, Mrs Fox. That's very good.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Stand at...EASE!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Atten-SHUN!
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Captain Mainwaring,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57may I point out that Miss Ironside here is doing it very, very well?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Her legs are coming together with a firm, strong action.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Just you listen, sir.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Thank you, Frazer.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12I hadn't noticed that that girl has got very big thighs, had you?
0:20:12 > 0:20:19- A little bit on the long side, I'd say. That's all, really.- Yes.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22All right, everybody stand to attention.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27We come now to the left and right turn.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32To turn right, you swivel on the right heel and left toe, thus.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35One, two.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38One, two. One...
0:20:38 > 0:20:42HUMS A DANCE TUNE
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Walker! Walker!
0:20:48 > 0:20:51You brace the thigh of the rear leg as you go.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52That's right, lassies. Brace them thighs.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- I like to see them well braced. - Frazer!
0:20:56 > 0:21:02And you lift the left leg and bring the foot into the right one, thus.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Blimey, what a way to win a war!
0:21:04 > 0:21:08The captain knows best. You ought to listen.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Godfrey, look to your front. Stop staring at the ladies.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Quite right. He's woman mad, he is. Woman mad!
0:21:16 > 0:21:21Walker, any more from you and you'll be sent home.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Right, everybody face the front.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Atten-SHUN!
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Very good, Mrs Gray.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Left TURN!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- There's some confusion. - Yes, I know.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44It's the same as in the American Civil War they had over in America.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49They had trouble cos the soldiers were country yokels,
0:21:49 > 0:21:53and didn't know their, ahem, from their elbow.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56They got an ingenious idea.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00They tied some straw to one boot and some hay to the other.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04When the commanding man wanted to turn left, he shouted, "Hay turn!"
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Or, alternatively, "Straw turn,"
0:22:07 > 0:22:12depending on whether the straw was on the left foot or right.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16They organised themselves so all the men had the straw
0:22:16 > 0:22:21on the left foot or... Is that any use to you, sir?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I think that's a good idea, sir.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28You can say, "Ladies, what nice straws you're wearing."
0:22:28 > 0:22:32That's it! Get off home!
0:22:32 > 0:22:33What have I said?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Don't argue! That's an order!
0:22:36 > 0:22:43# There will always be an England, While there's a country lane... #
0:22:43 > 0:22:47HE HUMS TO HIMSELF
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- Good morning, Captain Mainwaring. - Good morning. What a surprise.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32- Won't you join me?- Thank you. I haven't seen you in here before.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Oh, I get in from time to time,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36you know, when I can get my nose away from the grindstone.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- Yes, please? - Ah, thank you.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Oh, no, none of that. I beg your pardon.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- No, thank you. Just coffee for me, please.- Yes, just coffee, please.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- They once did Devonshire teas here. - With jam and cream?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Oh, yes. Just after the First World War,
0:24:04 > 0:24:09another chap and I took a spin out here just for a Devonshire tea.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I got the rough end of my governor's tongue, I can tell you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16He thought I'd toddled off with a bit of fluff.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18It was all harmless fun then.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Yes, of course it was.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Mind you, we used to set the pace now and again.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Your face lights up when you laugh.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33I think you're really a very jolly person at heart.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Oh! Yes, I suppose I am, really.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Not that a bank manager gets much time for joking and jesting.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- Separate bills? - Yes, please.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48No, please, have this with me.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- Good morning, captain. - Hm? Godfrey, is it?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- I haven't seen you in here before. - Oh, I come in from time to time.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01I'm just on my way to the clinic. Have you mislaid your glasses?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04No, just resting my eyes.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07If you'll excuse me.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Charming man, that. One of my most loyal soldiers.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15They're all wonderful.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Captain, I haven't seen you here before.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Oh, I come in from time to time.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Have you bust your specs? I know a fella with 500 pairs.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- Hardly used. - I haven't broken them.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33- Oh.- Listen, you haven't seen me. I'm delivering some of the sweet stuff.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Sugar? - Shush! You haven't seen me.
0:25:36 > 0:25:43Oh, by the way, I haven't seen you, either. You know what I mean?
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Don't worry.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Heart of gold, that man.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Do anything to you... Er, FOR you.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Whereabouts in London do you live?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Near Regent's Park.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01It was hopeless for mother.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05They had the ack-ack guns there... Oh, that was careless talk.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Don't worry. Any secret is safe with me.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Morning, Mr Mainwaring.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Don't often see you in here.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19I come in from time... Never mind.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I'll join you in a minute.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- Mrs Prosser, Captain Mainwaring. - How do you do?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- This is Mrs Gray. - How do you do?
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Mrs Prosser's a very good friend of mine, but there's nothing in it.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- I see. - Don't tell Mrs Fox, though.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40I give her pieces for her cat and on her part,
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- she keeps me company from time to time.- Yes.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45- Thank you, Jones. - Thank you.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Sorry about all that. I had looked forward to a quiet chat.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53So had I.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I must confess, I came in here deliberately
0:26:58 > 0:27:01on the off-chance of seeing you.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03I rather hoped you would.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Pike? What do you want?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Mr Wilson says he's sorry to spoil your tete-a-tete,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20- but the bank inspectors are here and would you come at once?- Yes.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26I'm afraid I'll have to dash away. I'm sorry.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- Perhaps we could meet again, very soon.- I'd like that.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- See you on parade tonight. - Of course. I look forward to it.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Sorry I have to go.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Two coffees? That'll be eightpence, please.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08All I'm saying is that Mainwaring's making a perfect fool of himself.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14They came twice to see Forty Little Mothers, with Eddie Cantor,
0:28:14 > 0:28:19and once to see Shipyard Sally, with Gracie Fields.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22- They have coffee every morning. - I haven't seen them.
0:28:22 > 0:28:27They go to the Dutch Oven now. I have to fetch him if he's needed.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29It's absolutely...
0:28:29 > 0:28:35I tell ye, he'll ruin himself. Somebody ought to tell him.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- Hello, Wilson. - Sir.
0:28:38 > 0:28:43- Nearly time for parade? - Yes, just a few minutes' time.- Good.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48- I've got an announcement to make to the Ladies Section.- Ah, the ladies.
0:28:48 > 0:28:54I've been meaning to have a word with you about that, sir.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57- Some time.- Yes?- I know it's none of my business, sir,
0:28:57 > 0:29:00but unless I say something about it, who will?
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Look here, Wilson, if you've got something to say,
0:29:03 > 0:29:07stop shuffling about from one foot to the other, and just cough it up.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09Are you in some sort of trouble?
0:29:09 > 0:29:12What? Oh, no, sir. Not at all. Good Lord, no.
0:29:12 > 0:29:17It's just with the Ladies Section, do you think it's possible that...
0:29:17 > 0:29:22some of us might possibly be making tiny little fools of ourselves?
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Ah, I see.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32- Thank you for your frankness, Wilson.- Aye, sir.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36Can't have been easy for you to speak to me on so delicate a matter.
0:29:36 > 0:29:41No, sir, no. I thought it was for the best, you know.
0:29:41 > 0:29:46- I am not insensitive to what people are saying, Wilson.- No, sir.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50I am therefore going to disband the Ladies Section,
0:29:50 > 0:29:53with the exception of a few special helpers.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57- I see, sir. Yes. - All right?- Mm-hm.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00Well, that should settle your problem,
0:30:00 > 0:30:02and keep Mrs Pike out of your hair.
0:30:11 > 0:30:12Everybody here, corporal?
0:30:12 > 0:30:15All present and correct, sir, except Mrs Gray.
0:30:15 > 0:30:21Mrs Gray not here? Strange. Perhaps she's a bit under the weather.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Favouritism.
0:30:23 > 0:30:28Ivy saw her going to the station with two heavy suitcases.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32- To the station? - Ten minutes ago.
0:30:32 > 0:30:36Mrs Gray went to the station with two suitcases?
0:30:36 > 0:30:41There's only one train now, and that's the 8:40 to London.
0:30:41 > 0:30:42- Take the parade, Wilson. - What?
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Would you like me to make the announcement, sir?
0:30:46 > 0:30:48- DOOR SLAMS - Oh, Lord!
0:30:48 > 0:30:52- Not too strong, please. - Not much chance of that, dear.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55- Anything else?- No, thank you. - Just tuppence, then.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08DOOR OPENS
0:31:11 > 0:31:14What's this? What's happened?
0:31:14 > 0:31:17Nothing's happened. I'm just going back to London.
0:31:17 > 0:31:21- For how long?- I don't know. A month or two. Perhaps for good.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24But you never mentioned it. You never even hinted at it.
0:31:24 > 0:31:30- I thought it would be for the best. - But I... I don't want you to go.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32The whole pattern of my life has changed.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34I just live from one meeting to the next.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38I know. I'm the same. But it's the only thing to do.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40People are talking.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43- People always talk. Who cares about that?- But there's your wife...
0:31:43 > 0:31:45Nobody will talk to HER.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50She hasn't left the house since Munich.
0:31:50 > 0:31:56Be sensible, George. You can't afford scandal. There's the bank...
0:31:56 > 0:32:01- Damn the bloody bank! - George!- I'm sorry.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03Look, don't get that train.
0:32:03 > 0:32:09- George, I must.- I implore you, don't. We'll meet once a week.
0:32:09 > 0:32:13You're making this difficult. I've made up my mind. It's the only way.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Victoria! Victoria!
0:32:16 > 0:32:17There's my train.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20Look, Fiona, I've never begged anything from anyone in my life,
0:32:20 > 0:32:22but I'm begging you not to go.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24- Finished with this chair, sir? - Yes, take the damn thing!
0:32:24 > 0:32:28- I'm sorry, George. - I'll take that. It's heavy.
0:32:38 > 0:32:41Can't we talk about this? Go tomorrow.
0:32:41 > 0:32:45Walmington-on-Sea!
0:32:45 > 0:32:46Make way for this lady, would you?
0:32:46 > 0:32:50Hurry along, please!
0:32:50 > 0:32:51Here, I'll do that.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54Hurry up, or you'll be coming, too.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- Where can I get in touch with you? - You won't be able to.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03- Will you write? - I don't know.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- After a little while, perhaps. - Stand clear, sir.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11- Pull those blinds down! - Promise you'll write.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Very well. I promise.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15WHISTLE BLOWS
0:33:15 > 0:33:20- Make it soon. - Goodbye, George.
0:33:20 > 0:33:21(Goodbye, Fiona.)