0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:11 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:22 > 0:00:27# 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# But he comes home each evening
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# And he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:52# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:52 > 0:00:57# Goodbye, Sally I'm saying goodbye
0:00:57 > 0:01:01# Goodbye, Sally I don't want you to cry... #
0:01:05 > 0:01:10Gentlemen. Pierce, it's your show, so I'll let you do the talking.
0:01:10 > 0:01:17Thank you, Sir Charles. Well, gentlemen, this is it. It contains 2,000 lbs of explosive
0:01:17 > 0:01:22and will knock out enemy pill-boxes up to a range of three miles.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25It's the High Explosive Attack Device,
0:01:25 > 0:01:30propelled by Ultra High Frequency. Code name - "Head Pouf".
0:01:30 > 0:01:35You can home it onto the target with the radio?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I'll show you.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42We are HERE, enemy pill-box THERE. We start off.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45It will go round obstacles,
0:01:45 > 0:01:50turn left or right. It reaches the target and up it goes!
0:01:50 > 0:01:57I'm sorry to miss the demonstration. What are you doing about security?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I've picked a deserted aerodrome
0:01:59 > 0:02:05by a place called Walmington-on-Sea for "Operation Catherine-Wheel".
0:02:05 > 0:02:12- Troops must seal off the area. - I'll use those...er, Home things.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Home things? You mean Home Guards.
0:02:16 > 0:02:22Yes. The locals know the Home Guard so they won't take any notice.
0:02:22 > 0:02:28- We shouldn't attract any attention. - Sound thinking, Pierce. Very good.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Eastgate Platoon, under Captain Square, will guard entrances.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35The Dymwhich, under Captain Graham,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39will patrol the perimeter and keep out snoopers.
0:02:39 > 0:02:46What about admin - fatigues, cook-house and digging whatsits? Who will do that?
0:02:46 > 0:02:53The Walmington-on-Sea Platoon, run by Captain... What's his name?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Mainwaring. The local bank manager.
0:02:55 > 0:03:01- What did he say? - Haven't told him yet.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- I'll see him today, sir. - He won't be keen.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10I'll soft-soap him, sir, butter him up.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15Make him feel important. There's nothing bank managers like more!
0:03:15 > 0:03:19# Follow the white line all the way... #
0:03:19 > 0:03:22That's a brief outline of the test.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I don't want to take up too much of your time -
0:03:26 > 0:03:33- you ARE a very important man.- I'm not all THAT important, eh, Wilson?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40No, I don't think so.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- You always back your Captain up? - I do my best.
0:03:46 > 0:03:54Well, I haven't yet said what your platoon will be doing at the test.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56No. I'm eager to learn.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Well, er...the fact is...I, er, don't quite know how to put this.
0:04:01 > 0:04:07There are several things that must be done, not very pleasant things,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11and I, er...that is to say, WE...
0:04:11 > 0:04:17Say no more. You're trying to say you want us for special duties.
0:04:17 > 0:04:24- That's IT! I want you for special duties!- You can rely on us.
0:04:24 > 0:04:30- What exactly are special duties? - What sort of a question is that?
0:04:30 > 0:04:35Everything's secret, hush-hush. We'll find out when we get there.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38You'll find out, all right.
0:04:38 > 0:04:44I want you to brief your chaps, but don't forget - absolute secrecy.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Here's a list of things to bring.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52Thank you. You can rely on my men. They won't breathe a word.
0:04:52 > 0:04:58May I just say how proud I am that you've chosen us for special duties.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02# If I only had wings... #
0:05:02 > 0:05:08Pay attention, everybody, please. Platoon, atten-shun!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10That's right.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Thank you, Sergeant. Stand at...ease!
0:05:24 > 0:05:30- Now, men...- Permission to speak, sir. Sorry about the bunched-upness.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33You said to creep into the crypt,
0:05:33 > 0:05:39- but we didn't know it was for parading motions.- All right, Jones.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Now, I've asked you down here
0:05:43 > 0:05:50because what I have to say to you is secret and mustn't be overheard.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Captain Mainwaring, would you mind speaking up?
0:05:53 > 0:05:58I cannae hear a word you're saying. You're mumbling, mumbling.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05The reason I am keeping my voice down is because what I have to say is secret.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08It'll remain a secret unless you speak up!
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Platoon, attention! Forward march.
0:06:14 > 0:06:20All right, that's enough. Halt! Is that any better, sir?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- MUFFLED: - Thank you. What I have to say...
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Get them back! This is ridiculous!
0:06:28 > 0:06:32All right, sir. Backward shuffle. Off you go!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Halt!
0:06:36 > 0:06:40All right, sir.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46What I have to say to you must not go outside this crypt. Understand?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Yes, sir!
0:06:47 > 0:06:53On Saturday, a new secret weapon is being tested. We have been detailed
0:06:53 > 0:06:55for special duties.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59What exactly will we have to do, sir?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03I don't know, but we have a list of articles to bring.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Perhaps we can deduce something from that.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- Have you got the list, Wilson? - I have indeed, sir.
0:07:10 > 0:07:16- Er, right, sir. Three knives and three shovels.- Knives and shovels.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19What are we to hazard from that?
0:07:19 > 0:07:24If we find a fifth columnist, we can kill him and bury him.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Now, look, Walker, don't start. - All right.
0:07:33 > 0:07:39- What else?- Three bars of soap, scrubbing brushes and buckets.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Perhaps it's a dirty secret weapon and we've got to clean it.
0:07:44 > 0:07:50No, I shouldn't think so, Corporal. They'd have experts to do that.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55- Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll back me up.- Yes, sir!
0:07:55 > 0:08:00- I've just been struck by something deadly.- A scorpion?!
0:08:00 > 0:08:06Sir, we are all now in possession of highly secret information.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Suppose we was captured by enemy agents.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14How much torture could we stand before we revealed ourselves?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18You're getting into the realms of fantasy.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Don't give me that realms of what's-'is-name, sir!
0:08:22 > 0:08:29- We could be tortured, sir! - Pull yourself together, Jones. - No, I must awake you to this danger!
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Come on, Jonesey, calm down. Get back into the ranks.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41They might tip our heads back and pour gallons of water down us.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Oh, dear, I don't think I could stand much of that.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I volunteer to be tortured, sir!
0:08:48 > 0:08:53I'd like to be a guinea-pig. I demand to suffer, sir!
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- I demand to suffer, sir! - Shut up!
0:08:57 > 0:09:04- What did you do that for? - Sorry, sir, but the Corporal was getting hysterical.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- All right, all right. - Keep quiet!
0:09:08 > 0:09:16- Now, I must warn you that whatever else happens...- Excuse me, sir.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20There is somebody lurking in the shadows.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- (Pretend you haven't seen him. - Right, sir.)
0:09:23 > 0:09:29- (Take it nonchalantly and change places with me.- All right, sir.)
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- All right, sir?- All right, yes.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Now, I must point out to you...
0:09:35 > 0:09:40Right, come out! Get your hands in the air!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- How dare you spy on us?- I wasn't!
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Your candle-light was flickering through the grating!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51And don't point that gun at me!
0:09:51 > 0:09:57- He must have heard everything. - He'll squeal. Of course I won't!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59You can't rely on him, sir.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Two drinks and he's a right blabbermouth.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08You're right. We can't afford to take the risk.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I could screw him down in one of my coffins.
0:10:11 > 0:10:19- He'd suffocate, Frazer.- Well, if you're fussy, I could bore a wee hole.- Back in your place, Frazer.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Shoot him, sir. You're entitled to.
0:10:23 > 0:10:30Quiet, Pike. We'll have to take him with us and we must see he doesn't talk to anybody.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34I can watch him if I help him in his shop.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36He'll cheat the customers!
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- That'll make two of us. - How DARE you?!
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Captain Mainwaring, I could look after him at night.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Thank you, Godfrey.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53- I'm not sleeping with him! - I don't snore!
0:10:53 > 0:11:00- Hodges, you could be prosecuted for eavesdropping on us.- Rubbish!
0:11:00 > 0:11:06We've been picked for special duties. You are NOT ruining it.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11You've got to be pretty special to be picked for special duties.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14# If I only had wings... #
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Special duties! Bah!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Do you mind?
0:11:25 > 0:11:32Hoodwinked, that's what we've been, Wilson. I should have known not to trust that smarmy Captain Stewart.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36You can't blame him, sir.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39You would stick up for him. You both went to public schools.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44You have got a bit of a chip on your shoulder about that.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49What I HAVE got on my shoulder are three pips, and don't you forget it.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54'Ere, Napoleon, I wouldn't have missed this for anything.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59I'm glad I came now. "Highly secret special duties!"
0:11:59 > 0:12:06It's a good job there's no cavalry, or you would've had your work cut out!
0:12:06 > 0:12:13- Before you address Captain Mainwaring, remove that cigarette.- Thank you, Wilson.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18I don't like to see you being insulted by outsiders, sir.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:12:21 > 0:12:26Joe, I'll nip out and listen to "Hi, Gang!" on the wireless.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28There's no radio out here.
0:12:28 > 0:12:34That's what YOU think! My portable is hidden in the van.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Mr Mainwaring, now I know what they wanted the shovels for.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- We're ready to go now, Minister. - Thank you, Colonel.
0:12:50 > 0:12:57- What are those aerials? - They pick up the radio waves that control it.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Amazing!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Hurry up, Joe.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Close the door. We don't want anyone to hear us.
0:13:04 > 0:13:10- Where did you get it? - I made it myself, didn't I ?
0:13:10 > 0:13:15- You're smarter than I thought. - I'm not just a pretty face!
0:13:15 > 0:13:23- How can we listen on one pair of earphones? - It's easy. Like this!
0:13:23 > 0:13:29- I can't hear anything. - It's got to warm up, hasn't it?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36I can't wait to hear what Bebe and Ben are up to this week.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42Do you think Vic Oliver really IS eighty-five?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46The target's the concrete pill-box.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Ready, Sergeant?- Yes, sir!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Are we all ready?- Oh, yes.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Off you go, Sergeant!- Sir!
0:13:58 > 0:14:02STEADY BLEEPING
0:14:06 > 0:14:09She's off!
0:14:09 > 0:14:14Single bleeps means forward. Turn left, Sergeant.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16DOUBLE BLEEPS
0:14:16 > 0:14:20She's responding! Turn right.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22TRIPLE BLEEPS
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Splendid! That's three bleeps!
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Excellent, Colonel!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31BURST OF STATIC
0:14:31 > 0:14:33'Hi, gang!'
0:14:33 > 0:14:40- What's that?- I heard it on Saturday, sir. It's a repeat of "Hi, Gang!"
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Sergeant?
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- I'm getting interference, sir. - Get rid of it, man!- Yes, sir.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49RAPID BLEEPING
0:14:49 > 0:14:54- What's that?- The signal for coming towards us, sir.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Take cover!
0:15:02 > 0:15:10- I've got it under control now, sir. - He's got it under control now.
0:15:12 > 0:15:18- No, I haven't!- No, he hasn't! Get back! Get back!
0:15:18 > 0:15:25BLEEPING
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Get the transport quickly!
0:15:32 > 0:15:38- We must follow it.- I've dismissed the transport, sir.- You idiot!
0:15:38 > 0:15:43- I've got my motorbike and Captain Mainwaring has a van.- Right.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Tell Mainwaring to warn Walmington that it could be blown sky-high!
0:15:48 > 0:15:53- Warn GHQ. We'll try to get it back here by radio.- Very good, sir.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Thank goodness! That's the last.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05- Excellent work.- Don't take any notice of his soft-soap.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08He's dropped you right in it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Don't you talk to him like that!
0:16:11 > 0:16:17- Captain Mainwaring, it's escaped! - What has?- The secret weapon.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- You must warn Walmington!- Come on!
0:16:20 > 0:16:26- What does it look like?- It's a huge wheel with 2,000 lbs of explosive.
0:16:26 > 0:16:33- It contains 2,000 lbs of explosive. Don't PANIC! Don't PANIC!- Ssh!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Right, into the van, everybody.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Hurry up, men!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- There's someone coming! - Cover it up!
0:16:43 > 0:16:49So you're skulking in here? Getting out of peeling tatties?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51No!
0:16:51 > 0:16:57- What's going on? - Walmington's going to be blown up if we don't get there on the dot!
0:16:57 > 0:17:02- Hurry up, Grandad! - You ARE a vulgar and common man.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Mr Mainwaring?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27What does the weapon look like?
0:17:27 > 0:17:32- Wilson?- Like a huge wheel. - Like a huge wheel.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37- Why do you ask, Pike?- I think it's trying to pass us.- What?!
0:17:37 > 0:17:43- Shall I wave it on, sir?- Get your foot down! It'll blow us up!- Oh!
0:17:50 > 0:17:53It's still following us!
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Don't panic, Mr Mainwaring! Don't PANIC!
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- Turn to the left. That'll fox it. - Right, sir.
0:18:16 > 0:18:21- It's still following us!- I can't shake it off!- It's as if it's being
0:18:21 > 0:18:24attracted by something in the van.
0:18:24 > 0:18:30- It's taken a fancy to the spare wheel!- Go away, Walker. Turn left.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48We've lost it, sir! We've lost it!
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Thank goodness!- It looked as if it was ready to blow up.
0:18:52 > 0:18:59- It looked angry, sir.- How can an inanimate object look angry?
0:18:59 > 0:19:03I don't know, but it's got a grudge against us.
0:19:03 > 0:19:10- What if it does blow up, sir? - That's not our problem, Wilson. We've got to warn Walmington.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Believe me, we've shaken it off.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Whoa! It's an ambush!
0:19:22 > 0:19:28- Back up!- I told you it's got a grudge against us, sir!
0:19:28 > 0:19:34- Back down that side turning.- It's stopping!- We must immobilise it.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Right, everybody out!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Do you think this is wise, sir?
0:19:55 > 0:20:02- We've got to immobilise it, Wilson. - There are forces at work here we know very little about!
0:20:02 > 0:20:06There's 2,000 lbs of high explosive in that thing.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- Stand by with your First Aid kit, Godfrey.- You can rely on me, sir.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Come on, men!
0:20:20 > 0:20:27- I'll immobilise it, sir. I'll give it a poke with the old cold steel. - Oh, use your head, Jones!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I'd rather use the cold steel, sir.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- It's gone ever so quiet. - Perhaps it's sulking.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Keep calm! It's only a smoke-screen.
0:21:08 > 0:21:15- Aah! Careful with that bayonet, you fool!- I can't see where I'm going!
0:21:15 > 0:21:20- AAH! He hurt me, Mr Mainwaring! - Unfix that bayonet at once, Jones.
0:21:26 > 0:21:34- What's happening, Mainwaring? - It's been following us, sir. - Where is it?- There!
0:21:34 > 0:21:39- It's gone!- Where did all this smoke come from?- From the secret weapon.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44That was Phase Two. It will go into Phase Three next - the explosion.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Don't panic! Don't PANIC!
0:21:46 > 0:21:52It's going into Phase Three! Don't panic, boys! It's going up!
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- We must stop it!- Why did it tack on to you? Have you got a radio?
0:21:57 > 0:22:04- No, sir, I WAS going to get a gramophone, sir. - All right, Jones.
0:22:04 > 0:22:11- How can we put it out of action? - It has two aerials. If you can chop those off, it's harmless.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16- We can make out like Boadicea, sir! - How do you mean?
0:22:16 > 0:22:21Well, she put knives on her wheels, sir, then went along like this.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- Get a move on, Mr Mainwaring! - All right, Jones.
0:22:27 > 0:22:33OPEN, two, three. OUT, two, three. TURN, two, three.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Well done, Jones! We've done it!
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- I've made contact, sir! I'm getting a signal.- What's it sound like?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45A sort of groan, sir.
0:22:48 > 0:22:54- A fine time to run out of petrol! - We've been driving for MILES!
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Why don't we use that motorbike?
0:22:57 > 0:23:03- One of us could sit in the sidecar with Pikey's portable radio. - Portable radio?
0:23:03 > 0:23:08I've just realised - that's what's been attracting the secret weapon!
0:23:08 > 0:23:13You stupid boy! Why didn't you say something
0:23:13 > 0:23:18- when he asked if we'd a radio? - I didn't want to look a fool.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23We wouldn't want you to make a fool of yourself, Frank.
0:23:23 > 0:23:30You speak for yourself, Wilson, and stop mollycoddling the boy!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37What's happening, Stewart?
0:23:37 > 0:23:43- Captain Mainwaring's keeping it under observation.- We will, too.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Now, look here, Wilson, I'm going to lure it back...
0:23:50 > 0:23:57- I'm going to lure it back to the aerodrome.- Right, sir. Don't get too close to it.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- I should have my head examined, driving this!- Move off!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Good luck!
0:24:08 > 0:24:12It was nice of that chap to lend you his bike.
0:24:12 > 0:24:17- I dangled petrol coupons under his nose.- Dangling!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Dangling!- What's dangling?
0:24:20 > 0:24:27I thought of a way of putting that weapon out of action. Joe, get the shears. I'll get the tow-rope.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32- Whatever you're going to do, I'm sure you shouldn't.- It's a cinch!
0:24:32 > 0:24:36There's a railway bridge up there. All we've got to do...
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Turn the volume up, Pike.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Well done, Pike, it's responding!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Here they come!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Right, lower away!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- I hope this works, Sarge. - So do I.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Captain Mainwaring, I shall chop off
0:25:30 > 0:25:32its whatsit! ..I'm dangling!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- How much farther? - A bit more!
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Home Service, Pike.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I'm dangling!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Done it!
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- He's done it!- That's it!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Get him down!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Come on, a bit more!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Well done, Jones.- I did it!- Indeed.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Look!
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Mr Mainwaring... Mr Mainwaring! I've killed it!
0:26:44 > 0:26:49- Very promising first test. - Some refinements are needed, sir.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54You'll have to stop Bebe Daniels interfering with you, for a start!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56That man's name, Captain?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Yes, sir.