0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys Who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys Who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# But he comes home each evening
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# And he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Pay attention.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58I've received a directive from GHQ
0:00:58 > 0:01:01about Nazi parachutists. I'll read it.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06"There is a danger the Home Guard might confuse British pilots bailing
0:01:06 > 0:01:09"out with German parachute troops."
0:01:09 > 0:01:14Not that our chaps get shot down often, but this could happen.
0:01:16 > 0:01:22"Remember that no British plane contains more than six men."
0:01:22 > 0:01:26So if you see some parachutists floating down, you count them...
0:01:28 > 0:01:32..And if there are more than six, you shoot them.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37Mr Mainwaring? If they're dressed as nuns, do we still count them?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Count them however they're dressed.
0:01:39 > 0:01:46But it isn't likely that a plane-load of real nuns would be floating down in parachutes.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49You can't be too sure, sir.
0:01:49 > 0:01:55I look at it this way - supposing in Occupied France there's this nunnery,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58and one day the chief nun calls the others round and says,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01"Now, listen, girls,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04"let us escape to dear old England."
0:02:04 > 0:02:09They all creep out, they get hold of a plane, and fly and fly.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14When they get to England, they're not cognisant with landing methods,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17so they jump out in parachutes.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24You're into the realms of fantasy here.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28It's a possibility, sir. It's a possibility.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Very unlikely, but we must be prepared.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33It's really all quite simple.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35When they come floating down,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38the turbulence of the air will cause their habits to rise...
0:02:40 > 0:02:46..so you'll see their legs, and you can tell if it's a real nun or not.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- Yes. Very good point, Wilson. - Thank you.- Very good.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51You must look at their legs.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57Sir, I wouldn't care to look at a nun's legs. It's very impolite.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Force yourself - this is war!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Mr Mainwaring?- Yes?
0:03:04 > 0:03:08What are nuns' legs like? I've never seen them.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I don't think anybody has.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- Hairy 'uns!- What did you say, Frazer?
0:03:13 > 0:03:19If they're Nazis, they'll have horrible hairy legs wi' jackboots.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- What if they're real nuns with hairy legs?- That'll do.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30"If the Nazi has his hands up, he may not be surrendering.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33"He could be concealing a grenade in each hand."
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- PHONE RINGS - Answer that, Pike.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Yes.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- Talking of grenades, have you primed our stock of Mills bombs?- Oh, no.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Why not? - It's awfully dangerous, sir.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49War IS awfully dangerous, Wilson.
0:03:49 > 0:03:55If Nazi parachutists descended, would you ask them to wait?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Get the bombs ready tonight.- Right.
0:03:58 > 0:04:03You're wanted on the telephone. GHQ say it's important.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Of course. Take charge, Wilson.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Get out of the way, boy!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Shut the door, Pike.- Yes, sir.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24- From the OTHER side! - You should have said!- Get out!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Good evening, sir.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33- I've got an important job for you. - Excellent. What is it?
0:04:33 > 0:04:38A fishing boat has picked up a U-boat captain and seven members of the crew.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41They're locked in the ship's hold.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47- That's good news. - Take them to the church hall. I'll send an armed escort over later.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Very good, sir. Face to face with the enemy at last!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- 'Leave this to us!'- You won't get much trouble from them.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59They've been drifting in a dinghy for two days. Good luck!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Thank you, sir.
0:05:04 > 0:05:10Good news! At last we've got a chance to get to grips with the enemy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Blimey! Are we invading France?
0:05:13 > 0:05:17You're not doing anything too hasty, are you?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- I've something important to say. - About nuns' legs?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Of course not.
0:05:23 > 0:05:28A fishing vessel has picked up a U-boat crew. We're to collect them.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Right! Fix bayonets! Come on now!
0:05:32 > 0:05:37- I can't wait to get at them! - There'll be time for that later.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42As soon as I get a whiff of action, I reach for my bayonet.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- It's in my nature. - Fall the men in outside.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50Fall in outside, rifles and bayonets, at the double!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Wilson! Pike!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Prime those hand grenades. - If you insist.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- I do.- Yes, sir.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Come along!
0:06:04 > 0:06:05All right!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Share this pineapple between you!
0:06:09 > 0:06:13For heaven's sake, Frank, put that thing down!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Sorry.
0:06:15 > 0:06:21Chicago gangsters call them pineapples. I saw it in Scarface. Paul Muni.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24They're very, very dangerous.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27They haven't got any detonators!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Shall I get 'em?
0:06:29 > 0:06:35I'LL get the detonators. It's very, very dangerous. Awfully tricky.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Now...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43There are only two in that one.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- There's another box... - Stand back. Don't touch!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53"Dummy primers for training purposes only."
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Dummies aren't any good. Get that...
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Just a minute, just a minute!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02We could put these dummies into the grenades.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06But what if the Germans came along?
0:07:06 > 0:07:11We could soon change them round. It would only take a minute.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- He'll be cross if he finds out. - He'll be crosser if we get blown up.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Dummies...!- Come on.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- JONES:- Left, right! Left, right! Left, right!
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Handy hoch! Handy hoch! Handy hoch hoch hoch!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- They can put their hands down. - Handies down, handies down!
0:07:41 > 0:07:46- Nichts hoch! Nichts hoch! He's still hoching!- Never mind.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- Now, Frazer.- Sir?
0:07:48 > 0:07:54Set the Lewis gun up on the stage, with a clear sweep of the hall.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Sponge! Hancock! Get me a stepladder.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Jones, get them into a tight huddle.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Right. In a huddle, at the double! Come along!
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I'm glad you got back all right, sir. Were they any trouble?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Not really. Ugly mob, though. This captain,
0:08:13 > 0:08:15he's a surly brute.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18All he does is sneer and smoke.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Has he got any left? I've run out.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26This isn't a cocktail party, Wilson. Have you primed those grenades?
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Well, sir...
0:08:27 > 0:08:33I can honestly say all the grenades now have detonators in them.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Good. Get the tommy-gun, Pike.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Tommy-gun.- Thank you, yes.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Listen - an armed escort will pick this lot up.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51- In the meantime, I want maximum security.- Of course.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Here you are, sir. All loaded and ready.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Set it up.- Aye.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Permission to speak, sir!- Yes?
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Why don't we chop off their trouser buttons?- What?
0:09:06 > 0:09:10If we chop off their buttons and they try to run away,
0:09:10 > 0:09:14that will show something unusual.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19And if some person, nonchalantly walking along,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22sees them with trousers round their legs,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24they will make some enquiries.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29You! You don't dare to do anything of the sort.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34The Geneva Convention forbids you to put us in humiliating positions.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38You'll be in one if you get this up you, mate.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Don't threaten me, you silly old fool!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- You...- Get off, Jones!
0:09:46 > 0:09:49He called me a silly old fool!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52We're not savages!
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- Speak when you're spoken to. - Get back in the huddle!
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'm warning you, Captain.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Just do as you're told.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11SPLUTTERS
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- That's the sort of... - HE SPLUTTERS
0:10:16 > 0:10:19..unscrupulous swine we're up against!
0:10:19 > 0:10:25I admit he has an abrupt manner, but we must make allowances for him.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29He's probably upset that he sank his submarine.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34- Where do you want this? - Set it up here.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Pike, get on top so you've got a clear view of the hall.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43You know I can't go up ladders!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- Come along.- It ain't half wobbly!
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- You know I've got a doctor's note! - Get up there!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Godfrey!
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- GODFREY!- Did someone call?
0:11:00 > 0:11:04I'm terribly sorry, sir. I must have dozed off.
0:11:04 > 0:11:10Dozed off? We're guarding a bunch of cut-throats, and you "doze off"?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I want you to watch them like a hawk. Understand?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- Hold this ladder. - PHONE RINGS
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Take charge, Wilson.
0:11:23 > 0:11:30- Mainwaring here.- HQ here. Everything all right?- Yes. Just waiting for you to pick them up.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34Ah. I'm afraid the escort won't be there till tomorrow.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37You mean we must keep them all night?
0:11:37 > 0:11:44There's nothing I can do. Give them a blanket each. Oh, and something to eat.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47We've only got sandwiches, Colonel.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Send out for fish and chips.
0:11:50 > 0:11:57- Send out for... - 'I'll see you get the money back. I'll be over about 8am. Cheerio.'
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Bye.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Fish and chips...!
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Wilson, come here.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Jones!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Conference here.
0:12:11 > 0:12:18The escort can't get here before morning. We've got to keep these chaps all night.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Then we'd better chop their buttons off.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25No, no. I'm going to have a word...
0:12:25 > 0:12:31- Can you speak German? - They'll know by the tone of my voice that I'm in charge.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34They recognise authority.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- You'd better come with me.- Yes.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Pay attention!
0:12:38 > 0:12:44- They're well-disciplined.- Nothing of the sort. It's slavish obedience.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Not like the cheerful discipline of our own Jack Tars.
0:12:49 > 0:12:56A nation of automatons, led by a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown?
0:13:02 > 0:13:06I am making notes, Captain.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Your name will go on the list.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13When we win the war, you will be brought to account.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- You're not going to win this war. - We are.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Oh, no you're not.- Oh, yes we are.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23# Whistle while you work Hitler is a twerp
0:13:23 > 0:13:24# He's half barmy
0:13:24 > 0:13:27# So's his army... #
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Your name will also go on the list. What is it?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Don't tell him, Pike!- Pike!
0:13:38 > 0:13:46I've had about enough of you! Tell your men they've got to stay here. Now get on with it.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Uncle Arthur!
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- What?- It's not fair, me going on the list.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I was only joking.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57The Germans have absolutely no sense of humour.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00You've said MUCH worse things about Hitler!
0:14:00 > 0:14:07- Quiet, quiet! - Will you have a nice word with him so he'll take my name off?- Yes.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12Wenn ich so tue, als ob ich Magenschmerzen habe,
0:14:12 > 0:14:16sollt ihr alle aufpassen, aufmerksam sein. Verstanden?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19ALL: Ja, Kapitan.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Did you tell them what I said?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Yeah.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Walker, come here.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Is the fish and chip shop still open?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I think so - why?
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- Here's ten shillings. Go and buy some for the prisoners.- Oh, right.
0:14:47 > 0:14:53Now then. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Eight cod and chips.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I want plaice.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05Right. One plaice and chips, seven cod. Who wants vinegar?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Wieviele von euch wollen Essig?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Four for vinegar...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Who wants salt?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Wieviele von euch wollen Salz?
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Three.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Who doesn't want salt or vinegar?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Ohne Salz oder Essig?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24That's two.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Just see if I've got this right.
0:15:27 > 0:15:34Plaice for you, cod for them. Four with vinegar, three with salt, two with neither.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Walker, what are you doing?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I'm taking the order.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42And I don't want any nasty, soggy chips.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I want mine crisp.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Und light brown.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- Crisp und light brown... - Never mind that rubbish!
0:15:58 > 0:16:02If I say you'll eat soggy chips, you will!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Soggy chips.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17One o'clock in the morning.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22You'd think he'd give us the chance to have a wee bit turn at sleeping.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26No, he won't let us take our eyes off them. He's obsessed.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31GODFREY: Sir, do you think I could possibly be excused?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33No. Stay at your post.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36PIKE: You hang on to this ladder.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Don't keep staring at me! Look in some other direction.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53- Put that down! You're meant to be watching the prisoners!- Sorry.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Keep them well covered, Jones. - I'm watching them.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Captain, that fellow does keep his eye on you.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Every single minute.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06I've got a notion he doesnae like you.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10I wouldn't like to be you if he turned the tables on us.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13That's very unlikely.
0:17:14 > 0:17:20I've had a good night. Booked three houses for showing lights and drunk ale with you.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25Not a word to his reverence about the bottle in my hidey-hole.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28You can rely on me. Mum's the word.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32We'd better say goodnight to Napoleon.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Good night, Napoleon.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Blimey! What's all this?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39German prisoners of war. Keep away!
0:17:39 > 0:17:43You can't keep Germans in the parish hall!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46The vicar will be furious!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Mind your own business.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Ow! Ow!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53What's up?
0:17:54 > 0:17:59I feel so ill! It is my stomach. Ow!
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- Give us a hand, Verger. - Get away from him!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05He's sick!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Aargh!
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- I expect it was those soggy chips. - We must do something.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- I don't trust him. - You can't ignore it.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17No. He's some mother's son.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19He's got a heart of stone, Mr Hodges.
0:18:19 > 0:18:25- I've got some bicarbonate of soda. Would that help?- Stay where you are.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27You keep hold of this ladder!
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Jones! Keep him covered. Watch him like a hawk.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Yes, sir. I'm completely cocked.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- Pike! Do the same.- Yes, sir.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39I'm going in.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Something very funny here.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45They're only a few harmless German sailors!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51His breathing is all right.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- How's the pulse?- Aargh! Aargh!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00No-one is moving!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Das Maschinengewehr los! Schnell!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Get back!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07- Get back. - RAT-TAT-TAT
0:19:22 > 0:19:26# Because I've got my eyes on you. #
0:19:27 > 0:19:29All right, Wilson?
0:19:29 > 0:19:35Yes, sir. Hancock and Desmond are covering the back door and window.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Stupid drunken fool, Hodges!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- They didn't get the gun! - You did well.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45I haven't felt like this since I was in the trenches in 1916!
0:19:45 > 0:19:49I did well, didn't I, Mr Wilson. I did do well!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Yes, Jonesy. Awfully well indeed.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Yes, and you behaved well too! You kept cool.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Did you think so? Very cool, was I?
0:19:59 > 0:20:03When the mutual admiration society has finished,
0:20:03 > 0:20:07maybe you'll tell us what we're going to do, Captain.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Right. We can't hang about all night!
0:20:10 > 0:20:15They've only one revolver and can't get out of the office.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17We're holding all the trumps.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19See?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21All right, Verger.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Do they want to surrender?
0:20:26 > 0:20:32No. They want to go back to the fishing boat so they can cross to France.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33What?!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Or he'll blow Mr Hodges' head off!
0:20:37 > 0:20:42But they'd get another submarine and start sinking British ships again.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- He's right. - It's one life against thousands.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49A terrible decision to take, Cap'n.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53But you have to admit, you never liked the man.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Tell them we want time to think.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Right.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Well? He's thinking it over.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Tell him I give him until dawn.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Wh-what did Mainwaring say?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I must admit it doesn't look too good.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22My gawd!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25If only we could get that gun away.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- Permission to speak, sir.- Yes?
0:21:30 > 0:21:37S'posing I dress up in old clothes, black my face and knock on the door and say I'm a chimney sweep?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I say to Mr Hodges, "Hello, Fritz".
0:21:42 > 0:21:46They ask why I call him Fritz, and I say,
0:21:46 > 0:21:52"He's really a German prisoner. He's only an air raid warden in his spare time".
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Mr Mainwaring?
0:21:54 > 0:21:59In that film, Petrified Forest, with Leslie Howard and Humphrey Bogart...
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Bogart had got Howard prisoner,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06and he was holding him in a cabin overnight at gunpoint.
0:22:06 > 0:22:13Howard kept on quoting poetry, using long words and sneering, and got him all annoyed.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15You could do that.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I missed that one. What happened to Howard?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22He got shot.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Stupid boy!
0:22:25 > 0:22:30I saw Freddie Bartholomew in David Copperfield...
0:22:30 > 0:22:33but there was nothing in that.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38I've never heard such drivel in my life.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41David Cop...
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Wait a minute!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Mr Micawber - "Something's bound to turn up."
0:22:47 > 0:22:50We'll go along with this game of theirs.
0:22:50 > 0:22:55We'll march right through the town. Somebody is bound to give an alarm.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58We'll agree to your terms!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01If they get away, the Navy will blow them up.
0:23:03 > 0:23:08I'm glad you came to your senses. Das Maschinengewehr! Und hab Acht.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10< Put down your rifles.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Do as he says.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16- < Get me a grenade and some string. - Do it, Wilson.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Die Gewehre entladen und die Bajonette ausnehmen.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22You won't get away with it.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27Nobody will interfere. You will be escorting us - with empty rifles.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- How will you make us do that? - Very simply.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- Is it primed?- Yes. - You don't mind if I make sure?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37By all means.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Good.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44You, old man! Take off your belt and undo your tunic.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Pardon?!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Do as I tell you. Remove your belt.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Just to make sure, Captain,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54that your behaviour is correct,
0:23:54 > 0:23:58zis old man will march in front of me.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02One false move from you...
0:24:03 > 0:24:06..and I pull ze string!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Don't make any false moves, Mr Mainwaring,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13and don't make any real ones either!
0:24:13 > 0:24:19I will have time to get clear, but the old man has to undo his tunic.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21A terrible way to die!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You unspeakable swine!
0:24:26 > 0:24:32As commander I reserve the right to have that bomb in MY waistband.
0:24:32 > 0:24:37I cannot allow them to put a bomb down your trousers!
0:24:37 > 0:24:42They can put 20 bombs down mine and I will not crack.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50You can't win this war! See the sort of men this country breeds!
0:24:50 > 0:24:57- Rather stupid ones. - All very well to sneer but you've forgotten one thing.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- What's that? - The Royal Navy. You won't make it.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06We will, because you will be with us! That man stays behind to tell them.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09The Navy will not shoot on their own people.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14When we arrive in France, you will be MY prisoners.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15And then...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18we shall examine the list.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Uncle Arthur!
0:25:40 > 0:25:47- If I tell the German it's a dummy detonator, do you think he'd take me off his list?- Oh, do be quiet!
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Blimey, sir. Look! There's a colonel.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57The game's up. What are you going to do now?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Nothing. You will bluff your way out.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I refuse to cooperate! He won't do it, Jones.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Mr Mainwaring, if you don't do as he says, he'll pull the string.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Oh, no, he won't!- Oh, yes, I will!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16He says he will, Mr Mainwaring.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Platoon! Halt!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- Where ARE you taking the prisoners? - Well, I...I...
0:26:26 > 0:26:31The Captain thought they should go for a walk, get some fresh air.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35What's wrong? You're as white as a sheet.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Fresh air will do him some good.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41We're off to the harbour for the sea breeze.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46I'm going to pick up the escort for the prisoners. I'll see you later.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Yes, sir.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Platoon...
0:26:49 > 0:26:56I'm surprised at you! Your men are always so smart. Why isn't Jones wearing his...
0:26:56 > 0:26:59What's this great lump of string doing?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Don't panic! Don't panic!
0:27:11 > 0:27:14It's slipped out! Ooh!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Save yourself, sir! Save yourself!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- I'll cut it out. - No!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30I wonder if I might borrow your revolver?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- What's going on?- I'll explain later.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Listen to me, you German fellows.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Would you get up against the wall and put your hands up, please?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Come on!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Good fellows.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47That should have gone off by now.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- Oh! Oh!- That thing should have gone off by now!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54So it should!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56I've been saved. I've been saved.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01I told you to prime those grenades!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I did, sir. With dummies.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Why is it you can never do anything you're...
0:28:07 > 0:28:10You saved Jones's life.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Perhaps now you'll agree with me.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15It's dangerous to keep them primed.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Excuse me, sir.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Now that the crisis has passed...
0:28:20 > 0:28:25would you mind asking Frazer to take his hand out of my trousers?
0:28:58 > 0:29:02Subtitles by Veronica Simpson and Helen Rankin, 1993