0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:11 > 0:00:16# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:16 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:40# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:00:40 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:52 > 0:00:59There we are, Mr Wilson. That's better. The hairiness of your serge is pointing in the same direction.
0:00:59 > 0:01:07- We can't have you at an important parade with your serge hairiness going in different directions.- No.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12- Thanks. It looks delightful. - Know what the parade's for?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Not the foggiest. At the station,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Captain Mainwaring will read the orders
0:01:17 > 0:01:21and we've got to look VERY tidy.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- Do your cuffs up, and your collar. - All right!
0:01:25 > 0:01:30- Morning, Wilson.- Morning, sir. - Morning, Corporal.- Morning, sir. - Not late, am I?- Not at all.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36- I had to pop into the chemist for Mrs Mainwaring.- Nothing serious?
0:01:36 > 0:01:45- She can't sleep for air-raids. - There haven't been any lately. - She imagines it. Highly strung.
0:01:45 > 0:01:53- So you said.- Slightest noise, she tosses and turns. Dustbin lid blew off last night.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58She went under my bunk with her gas mask on.
0:01:58 > 0:02:06Took me 20 minutes to persuade her to come out. Nightgown covered with fluff. I brushed it off. Terrible!
0:02:06 > 0:02:11Couldn't you get her some sleeping-tablets or something?
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- Exactly what I have done.- Good.
0:02:15 > 0:02:23We never had modern medication in the Sudan, sir. Only Cascara and Bicarbonate of Soda.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26That wouldn't help Mrs Mainwaring.
0:02:26 > 0:02:32No, they didn't make us sleep. Very good at making you run and belch, though.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- We did a lot of that.- I'm sure (!)
0:02:36 > 0:02:42- 'Scuse me, Mr Mainwaring.- Yes? - Do we know what the parade's for?
0:02:42 > 0:02:48- No, not till I've opened the sealed orders.- In that case, I'll take the Tommy gun.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53I haven't had it for three weeks, two days. It's my turn.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59- Stupid boy, look what you've done! - Sorry, Mr Mainwaring.- You've broken the bottle.- I'll pick 'em up.
0:02:59 > 0:03:06- Those cost 13 shillings.- Really? - Look at that! All broken glass.
0:03:06 > 0:03:12You can't have Mrs Mainwaring eating broken glass. That could mean instant death.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17Ye-es... Just dust them over a bit.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22- Wilson, have you got anything to put these in?- I'll look.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27There may be a bottle in here. It's the Vicar's but he won't mind.
0:03:27 > 0:03:36- Seem to be tablets in there.- Yes. It's saccharin. Says so here. "One tablet per lump of sugar."
0:03:36 > 0:03:43- I'd rather do without.- It won't do Mrs Mainwaring any harm, sir. It might even sweeten her nature.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48- Just fall the men in, will you? - Yes, sir.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52# The King is still in London, In London, in London,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56# And he would be in London town If London Bridge was falling down! #
0:03:56 > 0:04:00# ..Braggart's in my step,
0:04:00 > 0:04:05# Ye've never smelt the tangle o' the Isles. Oh...!
0:04:05 > 0:04:11# An' if ye show it tae the pictures Ye'll get a stronger brew... #
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Fall out!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Captain Mainwaring, sir.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23- Yes, Fraser? - Yer tea is on the brew, sir. - Well done, Fraser.- Thank you, sir.
0:04:27 > 0:04:33We've got a few minutes before I open the sealed orders, so take your tea break.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Hang on, hang on, just a minute!
0:04:36 > 0:04:44Before you start, it's threepence a cup. Tea's hard to come by. < Hey, Joe!
0:04:44 > 0:04:49Before you collect the money, there's no milk or sugar.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Couldn't Mike get you some? It hasn't arrived. Not to worry.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Blimey, it's locked!
0:05:02 > 0:05:07Joe Walker, ye'll burn in the Devil's own private furnace!
0:05:07 > 0:05:12What d'you mean? Who got it for 'im in the first place?
0:05:12 > 0:05:21- Captain Mainwaring.- Yes? - When you've opened the sealed orders are you going to eat 'em?- What for?
0:05:21 > 0:05:29- So they don't fall into the hands of spies and quislings.- I volunteer to eat the secret orders, sir!
0:05:29 > 0:05:36- I'd consider it a great honour. - Oh, be quiet! - (What's the matter with 'im?) >
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- You can't say a word to 'im. - Stand by, everybody.
0:05:44 > 0:05:52- About to open the sealed orders. - Pay attention! Absolute silence while the officer opens the orders!
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- Absolute silence.- That's enough!
0:05:58 > 0:06:04- All right, sir?- It's this blasted bottle. I can't...- Can I help?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Here, hold it.- Right.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22- Map.- Right.- Don't lose that! We might need it.- Yes.
0:06:22 > 0:06:30- Here we are. Outside, Wilson. - I won't look, sir.- Outside, please! - Right, right.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Ah!
0:06:47 > 0:06:52What is it, sir? I can't stand the suspicion!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- He's not there, sir.- Who isn't?- Oh!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Get in your place, Jones!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02This is exciting. Listen carefully.
0:07:02 > 0:07:09Listen carefully! The officer will divest himself of the secret orders. Listen carefully!
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- Thank you.- They're listening carefully.- Yes, yes!
0:07:14 > 0:07:21Gather a little closer, will you? I'm not going to speak in a loud voice...
0:07:21 > 0:07:29..because this secret must not be known by anybody outside this room. Understand?
0:07:29 > 0:07:37- In 20 minutes, a train will come through this station.- I told you it had to do with trains!
0:07:37 > 0:07:43- And it will be carrying... the person of His Majesty King George VI.- No...!
0:07:43 > 0:07:47King George VI! What's 'e coming 'ere for? The Rotary Dance is on Saturday.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55He'll simply be going through on the Royal Train. Camouflaged.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Is the train camouflaged, or the King?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04I see. The train is camouflaged.
0:08:06 > 0:08:12Our visit has two purposes. No unauthorised person must get near the train.
0:08:12 > 0:08:20And we shall form a guard of honour and give the royal salute as the train steams by.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25This is a great honour. It's also absolutely secret.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30- No living soul must get an inkling. - DOOR BANGS
0:08:30 > 0:08:35- Has he arrived yet? - Who?- The King.- Sshh!
0:08:35 > 0:08:42- How did you know that?- This is not a vanilla ice. I'm very important! I'll be back in ten minutes.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48- How did HE find out?- Somebody told him in case of air-raids.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- We'd better have a practice, sir. - Yes, all right. Good idea.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57No, no...wait a minute.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00That would give the game away.
0:09:00 > 0:09:08- We could manage here if we squeeze up close.- Yes, at a pinch. Fall in as quick as you can.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13I'll give the words of command in a very low voice,
0:09:13 > 0:09:20- because NOBODY must know that the King is on this train. - Been one of those days!- Yes.
0:09:20 > 0:09:27The King coming, me without a top hat, her with gravy down her tunic. Come on, I'll sponge you down.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35I suppose he has to be in possession of all the facts.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38"Sponge you down"?!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Now... Present arms.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- ALL: One, two, three, one, two, three. - One.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Pike, you know you can't present a Tommy gun.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55- What shall I do, then? - Just come to attention.
0:09:55 > 0:10:01- Oh. Like that?- That's right. And take that silly scarf off.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- I don't think I'd better. Me mum said I looked peaky.- Take it OFF!
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Slope arms.- One, two, three, one, two, three.- One.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Try and keep up with the others, Jones. Present arms.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3.- One.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23I can't just stand doing nothing. The King will think I'm rude.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27It's perfectly all right.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33- Could I show it to him, then, like that?- Get back and stand to attention, Pike.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I feel such a fool, that's all.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41I'm at a dead end, too. D'you think I ought to wave?
0:10:41 > 0:10:46Silence in the ranks! Slope arms.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51HEATED DISCUSSION
0:10:51 > 0:10:57Pike! Pike! Any more trouble from you and I'll take that gun away and send you home.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Excuse me, Captain Mainwaring.
0:11:04 > 0:11:12Some of the trains pass at 60 mph. By the time we've presented arms, the King will be nearly at Eastgate.
0:11:12 > 0:11:20Quite right. You've got to do it very swiftly. Imagine you spy the train coming.
0:11:20 > 0:11:26Present arms! 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3... There goes the King!
0:11:26 > 0:11:31Slope arms! 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3... Something like that, sir.
0:11:31 > 0:11:37- I think Jones and Walker have quite a good idea there. - Yes...well, perhaps so.
0:11:37 > 0:11:42We'll have to have two versions of it, won't we? The slow present and the quick present.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Let's try it. Quick present...arms!
0:11:50 > 0:11:54No precision there at all. Slope arms again.
0:11:54 > 0:12:02- Have we...have we missed him?- What? - I represent the church, and the Mayor represents the council.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06I represent the ARP. And I'm a sightseer.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11- No sightseers on the platform. - Why not? He's just as much MY king as he is yours.
0:12:11 > 0:12:20- TRAIN WHISTLES - Good heavens! He's here already. Outside. Line up on the platform.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24The King's coming! Don't panic! The King's coming!
0:12:33 > 0:12:39- That's it. Quick as you can. Dress by the right. - Dress by the right for the King!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- Civilians to the rear.- Don't shove!
0:12:42 > 0:12:47ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Squad 'shun! Slope arms!
0:12:53 > 0:12:58- Slope...arms!- One, two, three, one, two, three.- One.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Ahem. Here it comes. Right! Chins in, chests out!
0:13:07 > 0:13:14- Coming very slowly, sir.- We'll do the slow present arms. Pass it on. - Slow present arms. Pass it on.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19Pass on the slow present... gonna do the slow do.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Slow present...arms!
0:13:32 > 0:13:37One, two, three, one, two, three, one!
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I think it's going to stop, sir.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45PUFFING SLOWS DOWN
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I think it IS stopping, Mr Mainwaring.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Stop talking in the ranks! Hold the present!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Perhaps it's not a corridor train
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- and the King wants to get out and have a...- That'll do, Jones!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Go and get some red carpet.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Where am I to get red carpet? - Just do as you're told. Get some!
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Doesn't look like a royal train. Perhaps it's camouflaged.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23HISSING OF STEAM
0:14:25 > 0:14:30War or no war, it's a disgrace! Complain to Steam Maintenance. I'm going to.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Excuse us, mate.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40GRUMBLING LOUDLY
0:14:40 > 0:14:46'Ere, see if you can squeeze one out of that pot. I'll give 'em an earful.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Look at it! Hardly any grip. Couldn't you pack it with paper?
0:14:53 > 0:14:57You don't pack steam brakes with a bit of paper!
0:14:57 > 0:15:04Hello? I want George Martin at once on this phone, in person!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07They've used up all the sugar. Eh?
0:15:07 > 0:15:11"Saccharin." Eugh! Ever tried it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15No, no. Better than nothing. How many lumps? Four.
0:15:15 > 0:15:21Same as me. What's it say...? "One tablet for each lump."
0:15:21 > 0:15:29Excuse me... You don't happen to have a piece of red carpet, do you? A few feet would do.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34- No, sorry, mate.- Didn't think you would. Thanks awfully.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42Hello? Is that you, George? George, Henry Burstall here.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47You know the square boss on the steam brake wheel? It's round!
0:15:47 > 0:15:55- Captain Mainwaring, I think this is a rum do.- The King wouldn't travel on that. It's too scruffy.
0:15:55 > 0:16:02- Perhaps it's part of some master plan to which we're not privy. - Excuse me...- Stay there, Godfrey!
0:16:02 > 0:16:06I'll see if I can find an equerry.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Your Majesty, are you there?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Are you there, Your Majesty?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Anyone there?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Your Majesty?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Ahem... Your Majesty?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- I beg your pardon?!- Sorry. Wrong person.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38This is the best I could do, sir.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47What's all this rubbish doing here?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49It's the Snettlefold stopping train.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53The King's not on THAT! Who left it here?
0:16:53 > 0:16:59- The driver. He went in the office. - I bet it's that Henry Burstall. Henry, you're stopping the King!
0:16:59 > 0:17:05- Sshh! It's a secret. - Get this lot on to the siding!
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Henry, d'you hear me?
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Henry! Give over snoring when I'm talking to you.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- They're dead drunk!- Hang on...
0:17:17 > 0:17:21The bottle's empty. They must have swallowed all the pills.
0:17:21 > 0:17:29- The King can't pass while that train is stuck.- Push it.- With 2 elephants! I can drive it.
0:17:29 > 0:17:35- Better get Snettlefold to send a driver.- That'll take half an hour.
0:17:35 > 0:17:42- Shall I get my sister to put the kettle on? I can drive it!- What?- The train.
0:17:42 > 0:17:48- I learned at the Schoolboys' Exhibition. It's easy!- He'd never allow...- We're not asking him.
0:17:48 > 0:17:54This is Walmington. Can you send us up a driver?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57What's happening? I'm asking for a driver.
0:17:57 > 0:18:03Mainwaring's shifting the train. I've no time for argy-bargy!
0:18:03 > 0:18:10- Come on, Mr Godfrey, Mr Fraser... - No need for us all up here.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15Away, man! I wouldn't miss this, not for £3!
0:18:15 > 0:18:18You'll need me to change the points at the siding.
0:18:23 > 0:18:29- Right, off you go, Pike.- Aye, aye, Mr Mainwaring. Full steam ahead. - You know, sir...
0:18:29 > 0:18:37- I can't help feeling it's not an awfully good idea.- Stop being a wet blanket. Get some coal on.
0:18:37 > 0:18:43- We're on the shift, sir! - Do we have any tongs?- Get a shovel.
0:18:47 > 0:18:53'Ere! Where are you going? I told you! Come back! Stop!
0:18:53 > 0:18:58D'you think they'll need this? That ought to be on the brake.
0:18:58 > 0:19:03What are you doing with that? Don't push me! He pushed me!
0:19:03 > 0:19:10Stop bickering! Is it important? Without it, they can't stop. After them!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I'm enjoying this, Mr Mainwaring.
0:19:13 > 0:19:19- You know, Wilson, I've wanted to drive a train since I was a small boy.- Yes?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- Give it a bit more, Pike. - Yes, Mr Mainwaring.
0:19:23 > 0:19:31- Captain...the Warden, the Vicar and the Verger are chasing after us like mad things.- For a free ride.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37- That's far enough. - Right, Pike. Slow down. - OK, Mr Mainwaring.
0:19:40 > 0:19:47- Mr Mainwaring...- Yes? - Should be a little wheel there. - Never mind the technical details.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Just stop the train.- I can't, can I? That wheel's the brake.
0:19:51 > 0:19:59- You said you knew how to drive this thing.- I can't stop it without a brake.- Don't use that tone to me!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- That'll make it go faster! - How DO we stop it?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06WE CAN'T STOP THE TRAIN! DON'T PANIC!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20We'll never catch them like this!
0:20:21 > 0:20:26They can't stop without this wheel. Give me a hand.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30If we turn the power off, surely we'll stop.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- Yes. Turn the power off. - Wrong way. You'll make it go faster!
0:20:36 > 0:20:43No good. We'll freewheel. It's downhill all the way. Suppose there's a train ahead!
0:20:43 > 0:20:49Look, look! The Warden is following us on a wee bit bogey. Look!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Come on, faster!
0:20:53 > 0:20:57He has the brake wheel in his hand!
0:20:58 > 0:21:04If there's another train and we run into it, dozens will be killed and injured.
0:21:04 > 0:21:10- I'll work my way back and get hold of that wheel.- There's no corridor. - Then I'll go over the roof.
0:21:12 > 0:21:19- Be careful!- I can't let you go on your own, sir. I'm coming to assist you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I'll steady you, sir.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- You're in charge now, Wilson. - Oh, good!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Mr Mainwaring, sir,
0:21:34 > 0:21:39don't you think you ought to have a scarf? There's a chilly wind.
0:21:41 > 0:21:48Come on, put your backs into it! Don't push me! He pushed me, Your Reverence.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- Frank, keep it steady. - I'm trying.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Oh-h-h!
0:21:54 > 0:21:59Captain Mainwaring, you'll be safe if you hold my hand.
0:21:59 > 0:22:07- Go back, Jones.- No, sir. Where you go, I go. It's very slippery, isn't it?- Yes.
0:22:07 > 0:22:14Someone ought to tell them. It's not very nice for people walking along, and it's sli... OOH!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Oh, sir...you saved my life, sir.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28I'll never forget that, sir. Thank you, sir!
0:22:28 > 0:22:33- Sir...Mr Mainwaring.- Yes? - Don't go near the edge.
0:22:33 > 0:22:40Just keep pumping. If we get close enough, I'll chuck it.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45- What's happening, Fraser? - They're coming closer.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Keep pumping, and I'll chuck.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- Got it.- Well caught, Mr Mainwaring. Now get it to the end that puffs.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Right, you can ease up now.
0:23:22 > 0:23:28Frank, I've been thinking. That great big lever must do something.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33- Oh, yes. That makes it change gear, go faster. Or go backwards.- Right.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38Couldn't we put it into reverse and that might stop it? I suppose so.
0:23:38 > 0:23:46- Or it'll make it blow up. - If we're going to hit that train, we ought to try.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49All right, then.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Here goes!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Oh-h...oh-h...!
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Mr Mainwaring...oh! You saved my life again, sir.
0:24:00 > 0:24:06- Where would I be without you? - What the hell are they doing?!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- I think it's stopping, Uncle Arthur. - Well done, Frank.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19I think they're stopping. They can't have got the wheel back yet.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22They're stopping anyway. Perhaps they've used another lever.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33You're right! They've used reverse. They're coming towards us.
0:24:33 > 0:24:40Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. Get pumping!
0:24:55 > 0:25:00Snettlefold should have seen them. Perhaps they've stopped. How can they without the wheel?
0:25:00 > 0:25:05TRAIN HOOTS Blimey, they're coming back! Get them into the siding.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Do be careful, sir. It's dangerous.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- Have you got me? - That's it. Right.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24There's the wheel, Pike. Fix it on!
0:25:39 > 0:25:47LOUD WHISTLE > Blimey, that'll be the King! Come on!
0:25:49 > 0:25:55You ruddy hooligans! You nearly killed us. It's quite possible that he HAS.
0:25:55 > 0:26:03- The King's coming, Mr Mainwaring, the King's coming!- All right, lads, smarten yourselves up.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Hey, Pikey, what's that?
0:26:11 > 0:26:17That's where the engine picks up water. They drop a scoop down and spray flies everywhere.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21If we stand here, we'll be soaked. Yeah!
0:26:21 > 0:26:29- Uncle Arthur.- Hmm?- Better tell Mr Mainwaring.- Just line up, Frank. - We'll get all WET, Mr Mainwaring!
0:26:29 > 0:26:35Drop of rain won't hurt you, boy. Royal Salute. Present...arms!
0:26:35 > 0:26:40One, two, three, one, two, three, one!