Things That Go Bump in the Night

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0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?

0:00:12 > 0:00:18# We are the boys who will stop your little game,

0:00:18 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again.

0:00:22 > 0:00:27# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

0:00:27 > 0:00:32# If you think old England's done?

0:00:32 > 0:00:37# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21,

0:00:37 > 0:00:42# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun.

0:00:42 > 0:00:47# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

0:00:47 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #

0:01:03 > 0:01:06RUMBLE OF THUNDER

0:01:08 > 0:01:12Where are we, Wilson?

0:01:12 > 0:01:17According to my calculations, we should be opposite the butcher's in the High Street.

0:01:17 > 0:01:23- You mean you're lost?- I'm not the only one who's lost. We all are.

0:01:23 > 0:01:28- How much petrol have we got left? - Half a gallon.- Half?! Sponge!

0:01:28 > 0:01:34- Yes, sir?- Did you fill this tank yesterday?- I had no coupons.

0:01:34 > 0:01:39- But Walker was to supply coupons! - He couldn't get the ink dry in time.

0:01:39 > 0:01:43- Take his name!- All right, sir. - Walker.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49Achoo!

0:01:49 > 0:01:54That's a nasty cold, Mr Mainwaring. You should be in bed.

0:01:54 > 0:02:01Never mind that. We can't stay here all night. Let's go to the house for help.

0:02:01 > 0:02:05Not in this rain! You'll catch pneumonia.

0:02:05 > 0:02:09- Nonsense! Let me out.- No, no, no!

0:02:09 > 0:02:15- What are you doing?- I must restrain you. You musn't catch pneumonia.

0:02:15 > 0:02:19- Rain won't harm me! - Jones is right, sir.

0:02:19 > 0:02:26I knew a fellow just your age and weight. He had a head cold and got caught in the rain.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30Five days later I was screwing handles on his coffin.

0:02:32 > 0:02:36I know a way we can keep dry, sir Hang on.

0:02:36 > 0:02:41Don't you worry. I won't let Frazer screw the handles on your coffin.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45Section, halt!

0:02:45 > 0:02:50There you are, sir. We made it. Stayed dry as a bone.

0:02:50 > 0:02:55Well done, Jones and Walker. Very grateful that nobody got wet.

0:02:55 > 0:02:58Pike, ring the bell.

0:03:02 > 0:03:07- Don't play the fool.- You said ring the bell. Now I'm soaking wet. Look!

0:03:07 > 0:03:11- Don't shake it over me! - Don't shake it on him!

0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Knock on the door, Wilson.- Yes, sir.

0:03:17 > 0:03:24- The door's open, sir. - Let's go in, out of this rain. - We can't just go marching in.

0:03:24 > 0:03:28HELLO ! Anybody about?

0:03:32 > 0:03:34Hello?

0:03:34 > 0:03:37Anyone there?

0:03:38 > 0:03:41Wilson, put the lights on.

0:03:42 > 0:03:48- They don't work, sir. - Light those candles, Sponge. - Yes, Capt.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Listen, everybody.

0:03:50 > 0:03:56I want absolute silence so I can hear anyone answer when I call.

0:03:57 > 0:03:59HELLO !

0:03:59 > 0:04:03- Brr-rr. Brr-rr. - I said absolute silence, Pike.

0:04:04 > 0:04:08I'm sorry, Mr Mainwaring. I'm fr-freezing.

0:04:08 > 0:04:11He should remove those wet clothes.

0:04:11 > 0:04:17- What will I put on? I can't stand around naked!- Permission to speak!

0:04:17 > 0:04:19Shh-shh.

0:04:19 > 0:04:23- HE MOUTHS WORDS - What?

0:04:28 > 0:04:33- Come down. I can't hear a word. - He could put one of those flags on.

0:04:35 > 0:04:39Good idea. Get one down. Help him, Desmond.

0:04:39 > 0:04:42Take your clothes off, boy.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44I don't like to!

0:04:44 > 0:04:51- Don't be stupid. Do as you're told. - All right... Don't look!

0:04:53 > 0:04:55Don't look.

0:04:55 > 0:04:59Wilson, that boy is going soft in the head.

0:04:59 > 0:05:04All your mollycoddling just makes it worse.

0:05:04 > 0:05:12I do feel responsible for him. If I don't look after him, Mavis goes around looking SO miserable.

0:05:12 > 0:05:16And you know how I hate people looking miserable.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Capt. Mainwaring!

0:05:22 > 0:05:29You don't feel that there's a strange...kind of feeling about this place?

0:05:29 > 0:05:35Like there's something amiss? Something strangely amiss.

0:05:36 > 0:05:40Stop rolling your eyes. Pull yourself together.

0:05:40 > 0:05:44There's bound to be a reasonable explanation.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51I feel stupid in this!

0:05:51 > 0:05:55I think you look rather nice.

0:05:55 > 0:06:00Mr Mainwaring, I'm fr-freezing to death. I'm fr-freezing!

0:06:00 > 0:06:03Will you stop whining, Pike?

0:06:03 > 0:06:08We'll just have to improvise. Ahh! Wilson, help me with this rug.

0:06:14 > 0:06:16That's it.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19Come on, let's explore this place.

0:06:19 > 0:06:23- Mr Mainwaring?- Yes?- Argh! Argh!

0:06:25 > 0:06:27Stupid boy!

0:06:36 > 0:06:40This door's locked. Let's try upstairs.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43EERIE HOWL

0:06:45 > 0:06:47Permission to whisper, sir!

0:06:48 > 0:06:54- There's something horrible about. - It's only a dog. Come on. Upstairs.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03ANOTHER HOWL

0:07:04 > 0:07:07That's no ordinary dog!

0:07:08 > 0:07:11That's a hou-ound!

0:07:11 > 0:07:13A hound?

0:07:13 > 0:07:17LOTS OF HOWLS A whole pack of them!

0:07:17 > 0:07:23Dog pack! Horrible hound! Don't panic! Don't panic!

0:07:23 > 0:07:30Capt. Mainwaring, I think we should go back to the van. I don't get on with dogs.

0:07:30 > 0:07:37My sister had a Pekinese that jumped at me a lot, so I had to order it to leave.

0:07:41 > 0:07:47These dogs are outside. They can't do any harm. Come on. Upstairs.

0:07:50 > 0:07:53Don't tread on my paw.

0:07:53 > 0:07:56DOOR CREAKS

0:07:56 > 0:08:00LOUD CLAP OF THUNDER

0:08:01 > 0:08:03HOWLS CONTINUE

0:08:04 > 0:08:08CRASHING THUNDER

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Anybody there?

0:08:18 > 0:08:22Extraordinary! This house seems to be empty.

0:08:22 > 0:08:29- There's a fire, sir. Whoever was here must have left in a hurry.- Yes.

0:08:29 > 0:08:32The question is, Capt. Mainwaring,

0:08:32 > 0:08:35WHY DID THEY LEAVE ?

0:08:37 > 0:08:43You must admit, it's uncanny. This old house, the fire burning.

0:08:43 > 0:08:47Nobody about. Only the wi-i-ind and rain.

0:08:47 > 0:08:52And those ghostly hounds howling, ho-o-owling, howling!

0:08:54 > 0:08:57Stop rolling your eyes, Frazer.

0:08:57 > 0:09:00THUNDER Aarghh!

0:09:00 > 0:09:04- For heaven's sake, control yourself! - Sorry.

0:09:04 > 0:09:09Dry your clothes by the fire. Pay attention, everybody.

0:09:09 > 0:09:16This storm could go on all night. We don't know where we are, and we haven't any petrol.

0:09:16 > 0:09:21So we'll have to settle here for the night. All right?

0:09:21 > 0:09:27I'll take this bed here. The rest of you, make yourselves as comfortable as possible.

0:09:27 > 0:09:31- Sir?- Yes?- Where am I going to sleep?

0:09:31 > 0:09:36- In that bed, there.- And the others? - In that bed with you.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39That's absurd!

0:09:39 > 0:09:44I think you're one of the most selfish men I've met in my life.

0:09:44 > 0:09:49What makes you think that you're entitled to a bed to yourself?

0:09:49 > 0:09:52- But, I...- That settles it.

0:09:52 > 0:09:59Five of you will get into bed with Sgt Wilson. NCOs at the top, other ranks at the bottom.

0:09:59 > 0:10:04And you other two can sleep on the settee. Right.

0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Stop!- Argh!

0:10:12 > 0:10:15Just a minute, sir.

0:10:15 > 0:10:22- What are you doing?- I can't allow you to get in that bed! It's absolutely wringing damp!

0:10:22 > 0:10:29- You'll catch pnuemonia.- Nonsense! - Sit down. I'll warm you up, sir.

0:10:31 > 0:10:34What are you going to do?

0:10:34 > 0:10:40I'm going to do what the serving wenches used to do for the master.

0:10:40 > 0:10:48- I don't think Capt. Mainwaring will want to cuddle you all night. - That will do, Frazer.

0:10:48 > 0:10:50There!

0:10:50 > 0:10:53This is quite unnecessary.

0:10:53 > 0:10:56You allow me to judge that, sir. There!

0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Into bed, everyone. - DISSENTING MUTTERS

0:11:04 > 0:11:08Why are you muttering? You know I hate muttering.

0:11:08 > 0:11:13Why should we sleep at the bottom of the bed? Why don't we toss for it?

0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Certainly not. Do as you're told. - Blimey!

0:11:17 > 0:11:24There you are, sir. Look at all that steam rising. I told you those sheets were damp!

0:11:24 > 0:11:28- Yes!- That's not steam. It looks like smoke!

0:11:28 > 0:11:32- What ?!- The bed's on fire!

0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Get some water. - What a stupid thing to do!

0:11:47 > 0:11:51I'm sorry. I was just trying to warm you up.

0:11:51 > 0:11:59- The bed's soaked! Where can I sleep? - In that bed. Officers at the top, other ranks at the bottom.

0:12:01 > 0:12:05- I've got it!- Frazer, shut that door.

0:12:08 > 0:12:12I'm all wet again, Mr Mainwaring!

0:12:43 > 0:12:47Uncle Arthur! Uncle Arthur, wake up!

0:12:47 > 0:12:48Ohh!

0:12:49 > 0:12:56- It's only me, Uncle Arthur. - For heaven's sake, Frank, will you please just go to sleep?

0:12:58 > 0:13:04- Can I please come into bed with you? - You better ask Capt. Mainwaring.

0:13:06 > 0:13:09Mr Jones!

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Argh! The horrible hounds!

0:13:12 > 0:13:19- It's all right, it's only me. - Oh, Pikey, I thought my last days had come!

0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Ask Mr Mainwaring if I can get into bed.- Yes.

0:13:23 > 0:13:28- Mr Mainwaring, sir. - Brr... gather round...

0:13:28 > 0:13:35- Yes?- Pikey wants to know if he can come to bed. - Certainly not! There's no room.

0:13:35 > 0:13:39- He says no, there's no room. - He says...

0:13:39 > 0:13:46- All right, I heard!- If it was up to me, I'd let you come in, but you see, he's the officer.

0:13:47 > 0:13:51Can you come to the bathroom with me, please?

0:13:51 > 0:13:57I've got to wash my hands and clean my teeth. You know Mum makes me.

0:13:57 > 0:14:02- Oh, really, Frank, no. No! - If you don't come, I'll tell mum!

0:14:02 > 0:14:07Oh, all right. But you are an awful nuisance, you really are!

0:14:07 > 0:14:10Come on!

0:14:18 > 0:14:21Mr Frazer. Oh, GOD !

0:14:23 > 0:14:28GODfrey. What do you want, son?

0:14:28 > 0:14:33I've got to go to the little boys' room. Will you come with me?

0:14:33 > 0:14:38Nothing can make me budge from here. There's too many unnatural causes.

0:14:38 > 0:14:43It's the natural causes that worry me!

0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Capt. Mainwaring?- Yes?

0:14:57 > 0:15:02- Will you accompany me to the bathroom?- Certainly not!

0:15:02 > 0:15:05LOUD SNORES

0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Mr Jones?- Wharghh!

0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Sorry.- Will you accompany me to the bathroom?

0:15:20 > 0:15:24Yes. I'll accompany you to the bathroom.

0:15:24 > 0:15:31- Thank you, I'm most grateful to you. - If we meet a horrible hound, I'll let him have it right up!

0:15:36 > 0:15:39LOUD THUNDERCLAP

0:16:02 > 0:16:07SNORES FROM THE MEN

0:16:35 > 0:16:38THUDDING FOOTSTEPS

0:16:49 > 0:16:53Uncle Arthur, wake up. Wake up!

0:16:53 > 0:16:58Frank... Frank, would you please just go back to sleep?

0:16:58 > 0:17:01There's someone coming upstairs!

0:17:01 > 0:17:05- What?- Listen! HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

0:17:06 > 0:17:08Wake Capt. Mainwaring.

0:17:11 > 0:17:15Whatever it is, it's coming to this room.

0:17:20 > 0:17:25I don't think it's a horrible hound. The footsteps are too heavy.

0:17:25 > 0:17:29Shh-shh. Quiet. Blow the candles out.

0:17:32 > 0:17:35DOOR CREAKS

0:17:36 > 0:17:39I say! Why are you in my bedwoom?

0:17:46 > 0:17:51Well, I must admit, you really gave us quite a fright, you know.

0:17:51 > 0:17:58Sowwy. The lights went out and I was at the genewator when you awwived.

0:17:58 > 0:18:04- So, those were your dogs we heard? - Yes. The storm upset them. - Why are they here?

0:18:04 > 0:18:09We twain them as twacker dogs for the War Office.

0:18:09 > 0:18:13Ah, I knew all along!

0:18:16 > 0:18:21Things are slack at the moment, so I gave the staff weekend leave.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Why are you wearing that ?! - Is this a joke?

0:18:27 > 0:18:31My uniform's still wet. The captain gave me this.

0:18:31 > 0:18:36It's an old German uniform we use for twaining.

0:18:36 > 0:18:43- Come on, let's get that petrol. - I'll come with you. It's only a mile acwoss the fields.

0:18:43 > 0:18:49I'm sowwy, I don't have a can, but there are lots of empty gin bottles!

0:18:49 > 0:18:56We shall need plenty. We'll take one each. Come on, chaps. We could do with a good, brisk walk.

0:18:56 > 0:19:01All wight, quiet, you lot. Quiet!

0:19:01 > 0:19:03Settle down!

0:19:03 > 0:19:06You seem to have them under control.

0:19:06 > 0:19:14These are half-twained wecruits. The fully-twained lot left yesterday. Not a bad bunch, except for HIM.

0:19:17 > 0:19:24Prince 439. He's a twoublemaker. He upsets the others. Yes, YOU, 439 ! Stand to attention!

0:19:28 > 0:19:36He's failed the course thwee times. I've had him on a charge twice. He's the bad apple in the bawwel.

0:19:36 > 0:19:41- Yes... Quite. Pull the men in, Sergeant.- Yes, sir.

0:19:43 > 0:19:48Oh, excuse me, sir, should we carry our gin bottles at a slope?

0:19:55 > 0:19:59- What a lovely morning! - Yes, weally wonderful.

0:19:59 > 0:20:04- What exactly do your dogs DO ? - They twack down German parachutists.

0:20:04 > 0:20:13- You must have quite a way with dogs. - Not weally. I'm scared of them. I don't twain them. I do the admin.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Open the gate, Walker.- Yes, sir.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20HOWLS FROM DOGS

0:20:20 > 0:20:27- Your dogs have certainly got loud voices.- Yes, they carry for miles!

0:20:27 > 0:20:35- What do they do after tracking? - They hold down the victim. But they are still only half-twained now.

0:20:35 > 0:20:41- Half-trained? - They still have to learn not to tear up the victim!

0:20:41 > 0:20:49- Captain, could we stop a moment? - Oh, really, Godfrey! All right. Section, halt! Fall out.

0:20:49 > 0:20:55- Silly old fool, you shouldn't have come. You'll never keep up.- Frazer!

0:20:58 > 0:21:03Capt. Mainwaring, those dogs there are definitely getting louder.

0:21:03 > 0:21:06He's right!

0:21:06 > 0:21:09- Quiet, everybody. Listen. - LOUD HOWLS

0:21:10 > 0:21:15- They must have got out! - Will they come after us?

0:21:15 > 0:21:20No... Good Lord! That uniform the boy has on is covered in aniseed!

0:21:20 > 0:21:25- Aniseed! Get it off at once, Pike! - I'm not going to take it off!

0:21:25 > 0:21:29­ Oh, now you're covered in it, sir.

0:21:29 > 0:21:35- Well, can't you control the dogs? - Of course I can't!- Horrible hounds!

0:21:35 > 0:21:39They're after us! Don't panic!

0:21:39 > 0:21:43- What do we do?- Just one thing. - What?- Run!

0:21:56 > 0:21:59Come on, keep up, Godfrey!

0:22:05 > 0:22:09Captain, I can't go another step.

0:22:09 > 0:22:14What shall we do? We can't let poor Mr Godfrey get torn up by hounds!

0:22:14 > 0:22:19Hey! What about using that sheep thing and dragging him along?

0:22:19 > 0:22:24Well done, Walker. Sponge, Desmond, help him.

0:23:00 > 0:23:04- Right, put your boots on the hurdle. - Aren't you taking yours off?

0:23:04 > 0:23:08I can't get my feet wet with my cold!

0:23:08 > 0:23:12No, you mustn't catch pneumonia!

0:23:12 > 0:23:16Carry me across on the hurdle. Godfrey can walk.

0:23:16 > 0:23:19Pike, you go and cross lower down.

0:23:19 > 0:23:25- Why do I always...?- Do as I say. You'll put the dogs off the scent.

0:23:32 > 0:23:34Right.

0:23:35 > 0:23:37Forward!

0:23:56 > 0:24:00I'm all wet again, Mr Mainwaring!

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Stupid boy!

0:24:06 > 0:24:14- Did we have to get wet like this? - Yes. Any fool knows that dogs can't follow a scent across water, eh?

0:24:14 > 0:24:16Absolutely!

0:24:16 > 0:24:21Believe me, Wilson, I'm a pretty shrewd judge in these matters.

0:24:38 > 0:24:44Frazer, Godfrey, Wilson, in here. The rest of you, get up the trees!

0:24:47 > 0:24:53- Let me in, Mr Mainwaring! - You can't come in. - Open the door, Mr Mainwaring!

0:24:53 > 0:24:58- Hold on!- Mr Mainwaring, please let me in. Let me in, sir!

0:24:58 > 0:25:03- There's no room. Climb a tree! - At my time of life ?!

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Up here!

0:25:09 > 0:25:12I can't climb trees!

0:25:16 > 0:25:19You can now!

0:25:19 > 0:25:28I thought so! That twoublemaker Prince is behind it all. You've had your chips this time!

0:25:28 > 0:25:34You'll be out of the camp so fast, your feet won't touch the gwound!

0:25:37 > 0:25:40Are you there, Jones?

0:25:40 > 0:25:45I'm almost here, sir. Almost all of me.

0:25:45 > 0:25:49But I've suffered damage in unknown parts!

0:25:49 > 0:25:52Stay there. I'm going for help.

0:25:52 > 0:25:54Right, men, lift!

0:25:56 > 0:26:02- Shouldn't we go right, sir? - Don't argue, Wilson. Just walk!

0:26:14 > 0:26:15Look where you're going, Wilson!

0:26:15 > 0:26:20Captain, if the boy throws his clothes to the dogs,

0:26:20 > 0:26:23that might keep them busy while we sneak away!

0:26:23 > 0:26:27Good idea. Pike, take your clothes off!

0:26:27 > 0:26:30- No!- I'll put you on a charge!

0:26:32 > 0:26:38I'm fed up! Fed up! In the last 24 hours, I've been soaked three times,

0:26:38 > 0:26:45I've been scared stiff, nearly torn to bits, and now I have to strip!

0:26:49 > 0:26:51Well, don't look!

0:26:58 > 0:27:03Blimey, Joe, look! Them dogs are tearing that uniform to pieces!

0:27:03 > 0:27:06Yeah. Good job Pikey wasn't in it!

0:27:09 > 0:27:14Now get down and walk away as calmly as possible.

0:27:19 > 0:27:22DOGS SNARL

0:27:49 > 0:27:53You can come out now, Captain. It's all right.

0:27:53 > 0:27:58- LATCH CLICKS - It's stuck. Help me, Wilson.

0:27:59 > 0:28:02I'm pushing as hard as I can, sir!

0:28:02 > 0:28:05FRAZER: Ahh! That's my foot!

0:28:05 > 0:28:08GODFREY: Captain, I get claustrophobia!

0:28:08 > 0:28:12This is no use. Come on, LIFT !

0:28:13 > 0:28:19Good. Now walk slowly, and when I say 'run', RUN !

0:28:20 > 0:28:21Run!

0:28:23 > 0:28:26MUFFLED VOICES

0:28:29 > 0:28:32- Frazer, come on!- Arghh!

0:28:33 > 0:28:37Left, right, left, left, left.

0:28:41 > 0:28:44Swing those arms, Pike!