0:00:03 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game,
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again,
0:00:22 > 0:00:27# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# If you think old England's done?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# But he comes home each evening,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# And he's ready with his gun.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44# So who do you think
0:00:44 > 0:00:46# You are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:51# If you think old England's done?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I ain't half excited!
0:00:56 > 0:01:00I was so excited at tea I could hardly eat.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Mum's surprised I'm going to be a film star.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Rubbish! Rubbish!
0:01:07 > 0:01:12I think I'll play my part like Ronald Colman, in that film Under Two Flags.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I might even grow a moustache!
0:01:16 > 0:01:20For goodness' sake, son, hald your whisht!
0:01:20 > 0:01:24This film is never going to be shown in any cinema.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29It's just a cheap training film made for the Home Guard.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33In the Sudan, fighting the fuzzy-wuzzy, we had no film.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35They weren't invented.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38That's why we never had no film.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Men of the Home Guard,
0:01:40 > 0:01:44we are facing a cunning and ruthless enemy.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- SCOTTISH ACCENT: - Men of the Home Guard...
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I wonder which is my best side.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Perhaps it's better with the hat off.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Perhaps not!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Good evening, sir.
0:02:11 > 0:02:17- Which would YOU say was my best side?- Perhaps you haven't got one.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- Really?- One side is no better than the other.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Sorry...no WORSE... They're both just the same.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27All right!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31I wouldn't worry. They can do wonders with make-up.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Lipstick? Powder?- Yes!
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I'm not having any of that muck on my face!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41It does accentuate one's good points.
0:02:41 > 0:02:48In your case, it might help to bring out the firm, craggy line of your jaw.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- Do you really think so?- Yes. - Craggy, eh?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56It might also get rid of your double chin.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02Now look here, Wilson, they want men on this film, not a lot of painted nancy-boys.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07I can't understand why they're not using proper actors.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Jack Buchanan would take my part awfully well.
0:03:11 > 0:03:19- You rather fancy you look like Jack Buchanan, don't you? - Somebody once said, years ago...
0:03:19 > 0:03:24There is no resemblance, believe me, in either speech or appearance.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- Mr Mainwaring?- Yes, Pike?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36The colonel's here, with the film people.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Ah, good.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42You know, he doesn't look like a film producer at all.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46I thought he'd be in breeches, like Erich von Stroheim.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Stupid...
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- What's the matter with your eyes? - Nothing.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58You've got dirt on your lip. Wipe it off!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Good evening, sir.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Evening.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Permission to speak, sir?- Yes?
0:04:09 > 0:04:15I fell in the men for inspection by the colonel and the film people.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Thank you.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22- You did want them to be looked at by the film people?- Yes.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26The platoon do look all right to be looked at?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Yes! They must get an all-round picture of the platoon.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Very good, sir. Platoon, about turn!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36About turn!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39About turn!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42What...? What are you doing?
0:04:42 > 0:04:48- You said you wanted an all-round picture, sir. - Oh, really! Platoon, about turn!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Very keen, sir!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Fall in, Pike!- Sorry!
0:05:06 > 0:05:12This is the production assistant from the Crown Film Unit, Mr Forster.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Hello, squire!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19This is our costume lady, Mrs Beal. Just call me Queenie.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- How d'you do? This is Sergeant Wilson.- Awfully nice to meet you.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Oooh, hello! - Hello.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32I don't understand. Why costumes? We've got our uniforms.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36You won't be Home Guard. You're playing Nazis.
0:05:36 > 0:05:43Nazis?! I'm not having my men blazoned across the screen in German uniform!
0:05:43 > 0:05:49Don't worry, squire. All your stuff is in long shot in the distance.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54- In the distance?- On screen you won't be bigger than that.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57So you needn't worry about make-up!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Is that it?- Yes.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04The rest of the film is being made at the Gaumont British Studios.
0:06:04 > 0:06:12The parts are being played by actors. Jack Hulbert's playing the captain, and Jack Buchanan the sergeant.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh! Fancy that!
0:06:14 > 0:06:19Jack Buchanan playing the sergeant. Goodness me!
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Ooh, yes, I measured him for his uniform. Lovely bloke!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- You're a dead ringer for him!- Yes?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Who we going to have for the officer? - Me, of course.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I'm sure you'll be an excellent German officer.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Couldn't make a worse mess than he does as a British one.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Measure him, Queenie.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46All right. Get your arms up, dear.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Oooh, dear!
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Oooh, I say! Ridiculous!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Oooh, I couldn't do him! Out of the question.
0:07:02 > 0:07:10I just couldn't do him, dear. And look at those feet. I've never seen such tiny feet.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I ain't got no jackboots that size.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Tiny! He's got girl's feet.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Couldn't you have a uniform made for me?
0:07:22 > 0:07:28We couldn't get one made for Conrad Veidt! There's a war on, you know.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33It's like this, you see. We've got two officers' uniforms.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36We've got to get the men to fit the uniforms.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Look around, Queenie. < All right.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- Can I have a word, sir?- Certainly.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50I refuse to have anything further to do with this film.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Your men are playing the Nazis, and that's an order.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57However, you needn't take any part in it.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- Just look after your men. - Thank you, sir.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I got your two officers, dear. This one and this one.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11He's just like Jack Buchanan!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15He'll make a lovely officer! >
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Who'll be the sergeant?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Come on, funny-boy! Get your arms up!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26SONG: # You oughta be in pictures You're wonderful to see... #
0:08:38 > 0:08:42You know... I feel a right soppy twirrup
0:08:42 > 0:08:44wearing this ridiculous get-up.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49And Mainwaring got out of it because he couldnae be an officer.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51The big jessie!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Why shouldn't he look a fool like all the rest of us?
0:08:55 > 0:09:00You don't! In that helmet you look like an eagle.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Rubbish! Rubbish!
0:09:05 > 0:09:10General Kitchener would turn in his grave if he saw me!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13He couldn't abide German uniforms.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16"Hun helmets look like saucepans," he'd say.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20They brought a German prisoner to him,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23and he was grovelling before him.
0:09:23 > 0:09:29He said, "How dare you grovel before me with that saucepan on your head?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32"Take it off, man!" he ejaculated.
0:09:32 > 0:09:38And the German, he said, "Nein, nein, mein general. I cannot, I cannot!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40"It is stuck!"
0:09:40 > 0:09:44"Well," said the general, in a jocular frame of mind,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49"if a saucepan is on your head, you'd better go and boil your head."
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He was very witty sometimes.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Schweinhund!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Zo...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29..we are the masters now, eh?
0:10:31 > 0:10:37You have just five seconds to tell us your plans, or else it is...kaput!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40I like being an officer, don't you?
0:10:40 > 0:10:47These uniforms are awfully smart, aren't they? They do something for one.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I think we ought to strut and swagger.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55- Let's practise strutting and swaggering.- That's awfully good.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Very good.- You do it. Come on!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02I don't think so. I'm not awfully good at it.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05You could do a goose-step. Go on!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Do a goose-step.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19He's very good, no, Mainwaring?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Get up!
0:11:25 > 0:11:30I sometimes wonder where your loyalties lie, Wilson.
0:11:30 > 0:11:36Really, these uniforms are so smart, don't you think? They suit any figure.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40The sooner this film nonsense is over, the better.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- Fall the men in. - Sir. Fall in, will you?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Fall in. Three ranks. Quick as you can.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Now...
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Fall in, Pike.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10D'you hear what I said? Fall in!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12I'm an officer!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15I'm not going to fall in with the privates.
0:12:15 > 0:12:21All officers should be treated well. It's in the Geneva Convention.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26If you don't stop fooling about I shall send you home. Fall in.
0:12:31 > 0:12:38- Now, pay attention!- Permission to speak, sir? I want to unvolunteer to be a German sergeant.
0:12:38 > 0:12:44I've always wanted these stripes, but this is too high a price to pay.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48It's wrong I should have to wear this ridiculous helmet.
0:12:48 > 0:12:55I appreciate your feelings, but we're under orders so we must get on with it.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Sir, my uniform has got "Burman" written on it.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04I hope it's clean. You never know where these Germans have been.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I shouldn't worry too much, Godfrey.
0:13:07 > 0:13:13They're not real uniforms they're theatrical costumes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18Mr Mainwaring, how will people know that we're not real Nazis?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20That's a good point.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23The colonel has given instructions for security.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28No-one must see you, so stay inside the van and I will drive.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45You can come out now. All clear.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- GERMAN ACCENT: On the double! Move! - Stop playing the fool!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54And take that stupid thing out!
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Excuse me, sir, are you sure we're in the right place?
0:14:01 > 0:14:06- Of course I'm sure.- Shouldn't there be lights and cameras?
0:14:06 > 0:14:12These people are always late. They spend their time drinking cocktails.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Jones!- Sir? - The men can eat their sandwiches.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Do as you're told. Eat your sandwiches!
0:14:24 > 0:14:29- Uncle Arthur, we shouldn't eat our sandwiches with them.- Why not?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32We're officers! Let's eat them on our own.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Don't be absurd! - < Hello, squire.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- The film has been postponed till next week.- Postponed?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Some bother with Jack and Cis.- Who?
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- Jack Hulbert and Cicely Courtneidge. - We're filming Jack now.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Do you mean to say we've been shut in that van on a hot day,
0:14:52 > 0:14:58wearing these stupid clothes, and a couple of actors decide they're no' coming?
0:14:58 > 0:14:59All right!
0:14:59 > 0:15:05Jack insists on being with Cis, and Cis insists on being with Jack.
0:15:05 > 0:15:11I was reading only last week that they're the happiest couple in show business.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I read that too. Jack's the boy, eh?
0:15:14 > 0:15:21- #- The flies crawl up the window They've nothing else to do...- # - Be quiet, Jones!
0:15:21 > 0:15:26We are fighting a war upon which the whole of civilisation depends!
0:15:26 > 0:15:31The might of the German army is poised, ready to strike!
0:15:31 > 0:15:37And you drag troops on this fools' errand, because Cis insists!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Must keep the stars happy! See you next week.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43This is outrageous!
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- I'll phone GHQ!- What a pity we can't do any shooting.- Shooting?
0:15:47 > 0:15:52Shooting. It's a sort of technical term for filming.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Get back on the van!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57SONG: # You oughta be in pictures
0:15:57 > 0:16:04# You're wonderful to see You oughta be in pictures How beautiful you would be... #
0:16:21 > 0:16:24This isn't a game, boy! Get inside!
0:16:30 > 0:16:34# You ought to shine as brightly As Jupiter and Mars
0:16:34 > 0:16:39# You oughta be in pictures My star of stars. #
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Wilson, I'm going across to that phone box to ring GHQ.
0:16:44 > 0:16:50- Don't get out! I don't want you to be seen!- It's like an oven in here.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Mr Godfrey's looking a bit pale. He needs fresh air.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Open the door and push his face against the crack.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- How's that? - A little better, thank you.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16What about me? I want some fresh air as well!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19You can't have any! Didn't you hear?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- No-one's got to see us.- Rubbish!
0:17:22 > 0:17:28How dare you disobey orders? You've exposed us to the whole world!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Uncle Arthur?- Yes? - That pub looks nice!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I could do with a drink!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38So could I! But Captain Mainwaring told us to stay here.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41He's only a Home Guard officer.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- We're German officers.- Yes!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- I suppose we are!- Come on, then!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Let's go. No-one will see us.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59It's all right.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- There's nobody here.- Good.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06- We shouldn't do this! - What'll you have?- A pint!- Right.
0:18:06 > 0:18:12- We'll be quick Mainwaring will be ages.- I'll order the drinks. Shop!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Morning, gentlemen.- Morning.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Now, what can I get...?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Good afternoon, mein host.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Sixteen shandies mit the ginger beer.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44S...s...ginger b-beer... Pints or halves?
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Pints.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Pints. The ginger beer is...
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Frank, stop playing the fool. I'm tired and thirsty.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Doris! Yes, Mr Palethorpe?
0:19:00 > 0:19:06Doris, I've got 16 Nazis in the bar, and they want 16 shandies. Ginger beer!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09It's a hot day. They're probably thirsty.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Oh. Yes, I never thought...
0:19:12 > 0:19:16What are you talking about? Did you hear me?! Sssh!
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Sixteen Nazis! In the bar!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Don't be daft! Look for yourself!
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Careful.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31They're not Nazis! They're a lot of old men.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36Of course! They're disguised as old men so they won't look like Nazis!
0:19:36 > 0:19:41In that case, why are they wearing Nazi uniform?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42What?
0:19:42 > 0:19:50Get out in the village, quick! Tell the police and rouse the village. And don't make a noise! Go on!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Don't stand there!
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Well...
0:19:55 > 0:20:00..nice bit of weather you've brought with you, gentlemen!
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Wilson! Jones!
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I thought so!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Wilson! What are you playing at?
0:20:20 > 0:20:27- Sorry! We felt thirsty, so we had a drink. - People will think we ARE Germans!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I say, landlord!
0:20:30 > 0:20:35I'm sure it seems odd to you to see everybody dressed as Germans,
0:20:35 > 0:20:40but I needn't tell you that they're not really Germans.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42No.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47I wouldn't breathe a word to anyone. They might get the wrong idea.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49You do understand?
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Yes.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Outside!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56GERMAN ACCENT: Come on, everybody!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Into the van, fast!
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Into the van. Quick, before you're seen.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09See?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Hey!
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Don't stand there! DO something! They're escaping.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- What can- I- do? You're a constable. Arrest 'em!
0:21:21 > 0:21:26All of 'em? Arrest that British officer! He's a quisling!
0:21:26 > 0:21:31It's a very delicate situation. BABBLE OF VOICES
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- Excuse me, sir! - Yes, what is it, officer?
0:21:38 > 0:21:43- May I ask you something?- Yes? - Why have you got a vanful of Germans?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46I assure you they're not Germans.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Schweinhund!
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Get out of the way at once! N-n-n-nar!
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Get inside the van. I shan't tell you again!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Youthful high spirits!
0:21:57 > 0:22:02I'M not afraid, even if you are! Quisling! Traitor!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05No, no, madam! I'm Captain Mainwaring!
0:22:05 > 0:22:10- YELLING AND HAMMERING - There's someone knocking on the van!
0:22:10 > 0:22:15He'll get away! Stop him! Quick, stop him!
0:22:15 > 0:22:20You've let him get away! I'll take charge! We must warn England!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23They're making for Walmington-on-Sea.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Get in touch with the Home Guard. I'll call the Eastbourne police.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Keep calm!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37It states there that I have the hall every Thursday.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Why was it given to Mainwaring?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43He told me he'd spoken to you. He hadn't.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45What shall I do?
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Sort that out yourself, Mr Yateman. I'm writing my sermon.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54When Mainwaring gets back, I'll have a few words to say!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56TELEPHONE RINGS Answer it.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Hello.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard? They're out.
0:23:02 > 0:23:09Don't go. I've got an urgent message for 'em. 16 Nazis on their way over there.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Who are you?
0:23:15 > 0:23:20I'm Mr Palethorpe, the landlord of the Six Bells.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Did you hear what I said?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27Nazis, 16 of them. They're led by a British officer, a quisling.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31So tell the Home Guard, and WARN ENGLAND!
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Gor blimey! What's the matter, Mr Hodges?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42The landlord of the Six Bells has had a right skinful.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Blabbering about Germans led by a British officer.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48The evils of drink!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Yes, indeed, your reverence.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Fall out, men!- > There's Napoleon!
0:23:55 > 0:24:00I'll get the booking of this hall sorted out! Come on!
0:24:00 > 0:24:04I'm writing my sermon! It's your hall! Come on.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Stop handling me! You know I can't stand it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Come on, get out! And you! Go on!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Germans!
0:24:18 > 0:24:24Pay attention! I know you're disappointed we couldn't do any shooting today.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Perhaps we'll have better luck next week.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I must stress how secret this is.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35I want no repetition of this morning.
0:24:35 > 0:24:41We can't be seen in these uniforms. Hide them till they're needed for shooting.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44WHISPERS: I can't believe it!
0:24:44 > 0:24:50That landlord wasn't drunk. It's Mainwaring. He's a quisling. A traitor!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Oh, no! They'll shoot us!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Yeah! They'll shoot us!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58We must sound the alarm. Yes...
0:24:58 > 0:25:00The church bells!
0:25:17 > 0:25:21VICAR: Now, quick, Mr Hodges, lock the door!
0:25:21 > 0:25:25What peal shall we use? Stupid fellow, just ring the bells!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27But...
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Pull the ropes!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Quick!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32That's all, men.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- Dismiss.- Thank you, sir.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39BELLS PEAL DISCORDANTLY
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Good heavens! It's the church bells!
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- The bells! - The Germans are coming! Don't panic!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- The Germans are coming!- Calm down!
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Somebody saw us and thought we're real Germans.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56We must stop those bells! Follow me!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58SHOUTING
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- It's locked. STOP RINGING THE BELLS! - Oi!
0:26:08 > 0:26:13- WE'RE NOT REAL GERMANS! - Break it down!- Right, sir!
0:26:13 > 0:26:17They're trying to get in! HAMMERING ON DOOR
0:26:17 > 0:26:23- Stop! It's not doing any good!- They can't hear you because of the bells.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- Phone GHQ tell them it's a false alarm.- Yes, sir.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Permission to speak, sir?- Yes.
0:26:31 > 0:26:38- Why don't you shoot the lock off? - Good idea!- You might hit one of the bellringers!- Ah!
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Well done! I wondered who'd spot that first.
0:26:42 > 0:26:48- Couldn't we put a note under the door?- Good idea, Godfrey. Take a note, Jones.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51A note, sir? Right, sir!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I didn't expect to have to write down anything, sir.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Stand clear.- Stand clear.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02- I'm shooting the lock off. - Shooting...the...lock...off.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06- Yours sincerely... - No! Get it under the door.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- Under the door. - Captain Mainwaring!
0:27:09 > 0:27:14If we shoot the lock off, WE'LL have to pay for the damage!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Stand clear!
0:27:19 > 0:27:23- It's still locked. - INSIDE:- Just a minute, sir!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26It was bolted!
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- How did you get in?- Through the vestry. There's no-one here.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- Captain Mainwaring!- Yes?- Look!
0:27:38 > 0:27:42What are you doing? Come down at once!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44You...you flipping hooligans!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Mr Mainwaring?- Yes?
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Oooh! Hello!
0:27:48 > 0:27:53- I got through to GHQ, spoke to the brigadier.- And?
0:27:53 > 0:28:00- There was three battalions of Coldstream Guards on their way, but we stopped 'em.- Well done, Pike.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04The whole of the south coast is on red alert!
0:28:04 > 0:28:09The brigadier wanted to know what blithering idiot was responsible!
0:28:09 > 0:28:13So I made an appointment for you tomorrow, 10.30.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20You stupid boy!
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Subtitles by Alison Berry 1993