0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:22 > 0:00:27# 'Cause who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:00:42 > 0:00:47# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:47 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Don't you like it, then?
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Hmm...? Oh, it's lovely. Absolutely lovely.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Queued up for hours for that.
0:01:12 > 0:01:18Oh, it's...it's beautiful. I'm very fond of veal and ham pie.
0:01:18 > 0:01:24- The whole thing's a farce.- I dunno. I think we get on rather well.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- I'm talking about Frank.- Oh, Frank.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32It's a farce he should waste a whole day going for his medical.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35He was bound to be called up.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39But they couldn't take him with his chest.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44If he goes without his scarf he gets croup and I'm up all night.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49Couldn't he possibly wear his scarf underneath his uniform?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Can you see him doing that?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54He's like you he won't be advised.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Like when I tried to cure his sinus.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02Maybe he didn't like sleeping with a hot water bottle on his face.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07There you are, then.
0:02:07 > 0:02:13- What about his weak ankles? Slightest thing and over he goes. - I didn't know about that.
0:02:13 > 0:02:19- Why do you think I hold ice packs on his feet?- I've often wondered.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22On top of that, there's his nerves.
0:02:22 > 0:02:28- That face thing of his IS quite worrying.- What face thing?
0:02:28 > 0:02:33He's been doing it ever since he got his calling-up papers.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Doing what?- Well, this, you see.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- That!- Sort of.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43That's his age. All boys do that.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Do they?- Arthur!- Mm?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Do you have to smoke during meals?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Mavis, I've practically finished it up.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58You eat like a bird. Beats me where you get your energy!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03< I'm back. Yoo-hoo! Oh, he's back.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Hello, Mum.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11And about time, too. You're due on parade in ten minutes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Sit down and don't bolt your tea.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Don't you want to know how I got on?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Take 5 minutes to decide about you.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I was there all day.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I passed my fit I'm A1.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38A1? Oh, no!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41For heaven's sake, don't get upset.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44It's a mistake. I should have gone.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Did you tell them what I told you?
0:03:47 > 0:03:53Yeah. They said I could be put right with exercise, air and good food.
0:03:53 > 0:04:00- Good food? I gave him my egg this morning. Tell him, Arthur. - She gave you her egg, Frank.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Thank you.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08Go and see them, Arthur. They're not having my Frank for a soldier.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12No. I asked to be put in the RAF.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16You? In an aeroplane? You get dizzy standing on a chair.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20I asked if I could be a Spitfire pilot.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24They said I've to be an aircraftman first.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Think I'll be the second of the few.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Squad ten-shun!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Stand at ease. Now...Where's Jones?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41He's not here.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Mark him absent without leave.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Pay attention.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53We're losing one of our loyalest platoon members Private Pike.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Young Frank Pike has been with us since the day we were formed...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- Why does he keep doing that? - What's that, sir?
0:05:16 > 0:05:21I think that's just his age, sir. All boys do it, you know.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I didn't.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Now, to mark the occasion of his departure,
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I propose...
0:05:35 > 0:05:41- Sorry I'm late. We had a crisis. - Yes. Well, settle down, Jones.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46- Ask me what happened. - You cut your finger.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Who told you?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You've been marked absent.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56I had to go to hospital. It's a hazard of my profession.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- You're here, now. - Don't worry it's my trigger finger.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- I'm amphibious.- Oh, good.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I can still give the cold steel.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11- I can still shove it right up. - Yes, alright. That'll do, Jones.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- Where was I?- Discussing what to do with young Pike, sir.- Oh, yes.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Leave the room.- What have I done?
0:06:19 > 0:06:24We're just trying to think of ways to celebrate your departure.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Oh! Right, I'll go then.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I'll wait in here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I'd speak to his mother about that.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42Very often indicates a deep-seated disorder, you know.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46As you say, the lad... he's been a very good boy.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I suggest we have a voluntary collection.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Maximum sixpence.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Couldn't we buy a pen knife?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I had one when I was his age.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I used to whittle.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Did you?
0:07:06 > 0:07:12- What do YOU think, Wilson? - Well, sir, I know Pike pretty well.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16He knows his mother pretty well, too.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Let's not get personal about this.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24It's very nice of Sergeant Wilson to look after Mrs Pike.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27He's a true gentleman.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Our officer looked after three ladies.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35He was a gentleman. Not very true.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- You had a suggestion, Wilson. - Yes, sir.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I happen to know what Pike likes
0:07:41 > 0:07:46and I think it would be a good idea to give him a celebration supper.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Fish and chips at the restaurant.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Capital idea. What do you think?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- ALL EXPRESS APPROVAL - Come in, Pike.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01We've decided on your surprise farewell.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Oh, good. I like fish and chips.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14# You would never hear me complain If I had you... #
0:08:14 > 0:08:19DRONE OF AEROPLANE Is that one of theirs or ours?
0:08:19 > 0:08:24One of theirs. You can tell by the coming and going hum.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Mmm...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Mmm...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Mmm...
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Makes the back of your neck go all goosey, doesn't it?
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Here, Pikey. You're not worried about joining up, are you?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42No, not really.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46You don't want to worry about it. Not in these modern times.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- I'll never forget when- I- joined up.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54They shaved my hair off and washed me with carbolic.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00They gave me a big basin of cold, fatty soup,
0:09:00 > 0:09:04a horse blanket, and I cried myself to sleep.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Did you?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14It's different now.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I expect.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Yeah, I expect it is.- Yeah.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- One thing won't have changed the comradeship.- No, it won't.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30- You've got to learn comradeship, Pikey boy.- Yeah, I'll have to.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35If someone nicks your kit, make sure you nick someone else's.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Be first in the queue when the grub's up,
0:09:39 > 0:09:44then you gobble it up quick and go round a second time.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Never volunteer look after No.1.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52Someone drops you in it make sure you drop THEM in it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Best part of the army is comradeship.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Yeah.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Looking forward to that.
0:10:05 > 0:10:12- The blood donor people have the hall for two days. - His reverence has agreed.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Mr Mainwaring is aware of that.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Blood's very important at this time and I want to get a good turn out.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24So how much of the stuff can you manage?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Not personally...
0:10:27 > 0:10:31But, eh...as a group?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35There's the whole of the platoon and their relations...
0:10:35 > 0:10:40- Put us down for fifty.- Fifty pints? That's rather a lot, isn't it?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What? There's 20 in the platoon.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46We only need another 30.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Hello, Napoleon. This a mothers' meeting?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Don't barge into my office.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56It's my office as well.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59First and foremost it is MY office.
0:10:59 > 0:11:06You've told him, have you? The warden's group will do their donoring on the first day.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11And they give a certificate to each group to put on the wall.
0:11:11 > 0:11:17It's sort of parchment like... with a red seal and a bit of ribbon.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19They look very nice.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22My certificate will go on that wall.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25"Warden Hodges' group 50 pints."
0:11:25 > 0:11:30My certificate will be above it. "George Mainwaring 100 pints."
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- Aren't you being a bit hasty? - Just leave this to me, Wilson.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Where'll you get it?- Where will you?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Through my shop. Anyone signs on gets some onions.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47If that's so, Jones can give sausages.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52- They're rationed. - Well, dripping or something.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54But my people won't need bribing.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58My congregation will be behind this scheme
0:11:58 > 0:12:03- and I will divide them equally between you both.- That's three each.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09And toss up for the organist.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- Now, Pike. You ever suffered from jaundice?- No.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I get croup.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Mum says my ankles are wonky.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26Whenever I stand on anything I get a bit verdigris.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Apart from that I'm fit as a fiddle.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Pike's a donor.- Right.- That'll do.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39- What's the score?- Godfrey, Jones and Frazer, that's three.
0:12:39 > 0:12:45Four, five, six, seven, eight... nine not eligible because they're over age.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Jaundice two. One on pills.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Godfrey's on pills, so that's twice you can't have him.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59Only count them once or we'll get in a mess.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Alright. Two with colds, and...Oh, Lor'.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- Private Elgood.- Elgood? - Yes, he's the one who's...who's...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09What?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Oh, dear.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- That leaves you, me and Pike.- Yes.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to count me out, sir.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- Why's that? - I'm a little bit anaemic.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Absolute rubbish!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34No. I had a word with my doctor,
0:13:34 > 0:13:39and he said far from giving it, I ought to be having it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44You're trying to wriggle out of it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Not at all. I've often been a donor.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53Maybe I'm a bit run down. Perhaps I've been overdoing things lately.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57You've never overdone anything while I'VE been about.
0:13:57 > 0:14:04The fact remains you're still very short of your target 98 pints short!
0:14:04 > 0:14:09- It's a disaster.- Yes, well, I did warn you not to be too hasty.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Desperate times call for desperate doings.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Why can't we falsicate our ages?
0:14:16 > 0:14:21I'm sure we'd pass for 65. Some of us.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- Ye-es.- I couldn't be party to anything like that.
0:14:26 > 0:14:32- But, eh...what a marvellous spirit. - Indeed, sir. Absolutely marvellous.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- I'm going to talk to the men. - Are you?
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Help me on to this form. - Of course.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Alright, sir?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Alright. I'm perfectly alright.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50The officer wants your attention. Pay attention to the officer.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- They're paying attention. - Thank you.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Shall we stand to attention?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- No, don't bother.- No, don't bother.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Now...the platoon is facing a crisis.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I won't conceal the facts.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- We are falling short of our target. - 98 pints short.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Never mind about the details.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21We've had dark times before, but we have always triumphed.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25And, it behoves every man of us
0:15:25 > 0:15:28to search the highways, the byways,
0:15:28 > 0:15:32and call on friends, loved ones, relations,
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- so they can... - Rally to our 'bottle' cry.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I wish you wouldn't do that.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45..rally to our cause.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50Excuse me. Will Mrs Mainwaring be "rallying to the cause"?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I feel sure...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00that, with our combined efforts,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04that certificate is as good as on the wall now.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09I don't think Mrs Mainwaring will do a lot of rallying.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14# Round the land all clear...#
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Didn't feel a thing.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19You did it for your country.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26I'm sorry, Captain Mainwaring. There's no sign of anyone else.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Thank you, Godfrey.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32It's not like Jones to let us down.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35He's off with ten men and their bayonets.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Captain Mainwaring, this is too bad.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43I have all these nurses standing by for you, the boy and the vicar.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47They'll be along in a few minutes.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51I sincerely hope so. I could have gone to another town.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Vicar, what happened to your three?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Ah, well. The flesh is weak.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00It's a month since they saw onions.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07This really is most awkward, isn't it, Wilson?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I do feel very deeply for you.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Couldn't you help us out?- Sorry.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18- It's so embarrassing. - Can't you and Frank go round again?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I think Mum wanted to come.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25But she's so upset at losing me.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- She was a bit off when Uncle Arthur asked her.- You did ask?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- Yes.- At breakfast.- Frank!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I think she was going to say yes.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Until Uncle Arthur mentioned the burnt taste about the porridge.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44She picked up the pan and poured it in his hat.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47They haven't spoken since.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50You take my advice.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55If you marry, take a firm stand with your wife from the outset.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Start as you mean to go on?- Yes.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- I'll remember that.- Good lad.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Mrs Mainwaring coming?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I said is Mrs Mainwaring coming?
0:18:12 > 0:18:17You'll have to do something about that habit of yours.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- What habit?- This.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22What?
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- Do I do that?- Almost at the end of every sentence you go...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Oh, how awful.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Oh, thank you for telling me.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- I noticed you speaking to Frank... - Mm.
0:18:40 > 0:18:45I believe YOU'VE caught this face thing.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I was explaining to the boy...
0:18:47 > 0:18:52Blimey, it's quiet. Couldn't move in 'ere when my lot were in.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Let's look at the score.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58HE CHUCKLES
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Hodges - fifty, Mainwaring - three!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04My people haven't turned up yet.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09I hope they come soon. Admit it, you've lost.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14One consolation is that Private Pike is of a very rare blood group.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17There's not one like him in 10,000.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Well done.- I'm one in 10,000!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I always said he wasn't normal.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Don't insult this boy. He's going to serve his country.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32They must be scraping the barrel.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I'll notify your unit.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Start packing up, Sister.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Excuse me, Captain. - Don't be too long.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47- The yard is full of people, sir. - Use the one next to the vestry.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Corporal Jones has brought them. - What?
0:19:51 > 0:19:58- Captain Mainwaring. I've done it. 97 pints I've got! - What are you talking about?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Frazer, bring the Sergeant in.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Get in there. Go on. Left, right, left, right. Halt!
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Salute the officer.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13SALUTE, compri? Why you stick me with bayonet?
0:20:13 > 0:20:16I no make trouble.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Me buddy buddy. Friend.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21What's this about?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I went to the Italian POW camp,
0:20:24 > 0:20:29and I gave the guard a bit of fillet steak
0:20:29 > 0:20:32and he lent me 80 men for donoring.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37- Enemy blood's not fair. - It is. They started it.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40What you call me enemy for?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I not enemy.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I sit at home - minda my business.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Trattoria Peasano - very good food. I cooka myself.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Then they come to me - they say,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57"You got to go fight.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01"You got to go bang, bang."
0:21:01 > 0:21:03We is not to blame, Capitano.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07The Signor Adolf Hitler is to blame.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Your government should be careful about who it chooses for friends.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Friends? Oh, you should talk about friends.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- What about the Stalins? - That's enough.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26There's 80 Eyeties in the yard. His reverence'll have a fit.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30I'm not given to having fits.
0:21:30 > 0:21:35You've still only got 83. I've won 'cause I reached my target.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Oh, no you haven't. I got seventeen nuns as well.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I was coming to that.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47There's seventeen nuns Roman Catholic.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Nuns quite often are.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55When I was down the POW camp, the nuns were administering to them
0:21:55 > 0:21:58and giving them nice balaclavas.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01And they're all Roman Catholic.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Except one I think he's a Hebrew.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09And 83 and 17 make - 100!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12There. We've fulfilled our target.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Good show.- Show them in, Jones.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Ladies first.- Youse, get in there.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22This way for the donoring. Nuns first, Eyeties second.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Left, right, left, right, left, right.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31# And now, you've bitten off much more than you can chew...#
0:22:33 > 0:22:38- Well. Very nice here, isn't it? - It is. It's lovely.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41That's it. Two plaice and two.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45No, two cod and two and one plaice and two.
0:22:45 > 0:22:51Now here's your pound and I want eight and tenpence change.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Haven't you got yours?- No, no.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58- Mine's a fillet of plaice and two pennyworth of chips.- Here it is.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Oh, thank you.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Oh, no, no, no. That's not right.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09It's not seemly for you to have your fish and chips on paper.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11A plate would be nice.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14A plate for Captain Mainwaring!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17The man's counting my change.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22We haven't got plates for everybody. There's a war on.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Just a minute, sir.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28You have my plate. That's it.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33Oh, no, that's wrong, 'cause you're plaice and two and I'm cod and two.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Here, hang on a minute.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38There you are, sir.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41No, wait a minute, sir.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I've only got six chips left.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47You hang on to those a minute.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50You have those and I'll have these.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55- Yours is on a plate and mine's on the paper.- Thank you.
0:23:55 > 0:24:01- Like a pickled onion or a gherkin? - I've quite enough trouble here.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04I don't have them either.
0:24:04 > 0:24:09- Would you like some raspberryade? - A very little...That's enough!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Would you rather have lime fizz?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14No, I'm happy with what I've got.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- Why raspberryade? - Frank likes it - it IS his party.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Hello, Napoleon. Eating with the poor people?
0:24:23 > 0:24:29- Go away. This is a private party. - Don't take any notice.- Alright.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34I'll have to go for a long walk in the fresh air after this.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39If I arrive home with my clothes smelling of fish and chips,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- my wife'll have a fit.- Ah.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Very sensitive nose, you know.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I smoked in the house once.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53She tried to keep me out of the sitting room for three days.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I wouldn't stand for that.
0:24:56 > 0:25:02I said "If that's your attitude, I'll stay out of the sitting room for a week!"
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Having difficulty?- Yes, I am.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Let me do it. It gets clogged up.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Hang on.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14There.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Should be alright, now.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Thank you very much, Pike.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30Are you going to be long? I've a queue a mile long outside.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33You had our money - hud yer wheesht.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36We should have the speeches and go.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Come along. Charge your glasses.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- Charge your glass, Mr Mainwaring. - I have enough in it.
0:25:44 > 0:25:52As Mr Wilson is closely associated with young Pike, we thought he ought to make the speech.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Yes, alright. Good idea.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00- Don't be long. It'll get boring. - I'll remember that.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Pikey, you got to answer.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- Well, can I have more cod and chips? - One cod and chips for Pikey!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10One more cod and chips coming up.
0:26:10 > 0:26:15M'lords, ladies and gentlemen, pray silence for Sergeant Wilson.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Thank you, Jonesey. Thanks, everybody.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24This is really a dual celebration.
0:26:24 > 0:26:30- We congratulate Captain Mainwaring on the Blood Donor Scheme. - That was a fiddle!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33You had a load of nuns and wops.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Keep quiet.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41- The town clerk, sir, presents you, with this little scroll.- Oh.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Send it to Mussolini - or the Pope!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Off, off, off, off!
0:26:47 > 0:26:50To continue, ladies and gentlemen,
0:26:50 > 0:26:55we would like, I'm sure, to wish good luck and God speed
0:26:55 > 0:26:59to Private Frank Pike.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02ALL: Hear, hear!
0:27:02 > 0:27:08You've been loyal to this platoon, and we shall always remember you.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Speech! Speech! Speech!
0:27:12 > 0:27:16- Get up. - I've got all these chips.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Get up and speak. Take your time.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Ladies and gentlemen... No, gentlemen...
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Thank you for the fish and chips.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I would like to tell you a funny story.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Good!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I like a funny story.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42I hope it won't be coarse.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46You remember some of us gave blood?
0:27:46 > 0:27:50They found out mine was ever so rare, so they wrote to the RAF.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Then the RAF said if I was wounded
0:27:53 > 0:27:58they wouldn't have anything to transfuse me with.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01I hope you don't mind me saying,
0:28:01 > 0:28:06but so far your story's not highly comic.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09No...well, the funny thing is...
0:28:09 > 0:28:12They won't have me. I'm not going.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14What?
0:28:15 > 0:28:18You're not going?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22- When did you learn this?- Yesterday.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Why didn't you say something?
0:28:27 > 0:28:32Well...no-one's ever given a supper in my honour before.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36Didn't want to miss my fish and chips.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39I like fish and chips.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Stupid boy!
0:29:43 > 0:29:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd