0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again,
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# But he comes home each evening
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# And he's ready with his gun.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:52# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- What are you doing, Wilson? - Tidying the sandbags, sir.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Not on my desk!- Oh, sorry, sir.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06- Look what you're doing spilling sand everywhere!- It's not easy.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- Mr Mainwaring?- What is it, Pike?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- Mr Jones is outside in the bank.- Yes?
0:01:13 > 0:01:19He's paid in his takings, £15 6s 4d, but he's presented this for £3 2s 6d.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Ask him to come in.- Yes, sir.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- Shall I go?- No, this is a delicate matter.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Stay where you are, only don't make that crunching noise.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- Sorry, sir it's the sand. - Then stand somewhere else.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- You told me to stay here. - Stand there!
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- Mr Jones!- Yes? - (No, no! In here.)
0:01:41 > 0:01:46- Good morning.- Morning, Mr Wilson... Captain Mainwaring.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- Bring Mr Jones's statement, Pike. - Yes, Mr Mainwaring.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Sit down, Jones. - Here you are, Jonesy.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59Now, this cheque you've just presented for £3 2s 6d...
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Yes, sir, that's my staff wages.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07I know it's a lot, but if you don't pay well, you can't keep the staff.
0:02:07 > 0:02:14- Yes... Well, I'm sorry, I...can't cash it...er...- Why not?
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- Insufficient funds. - Well, can't you get some more?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21No, no, you don't understand.
0:02:21 > 0:02:27YOU...YOU have not got sufficient funds to meet the cheque!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30So, give me back what I just put in.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I can't do that. You've paid it in.
0:02:33 > 0:02:39- I want it back it's MY money! - Then you'll have to write a cheque.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44- Right, then.- No, I can't cash it you've insufficient funds.
0:02:44 > 0:02:50- I don't understand.- Look...didn't you receive a letter from the bank?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- What bank?- This bank!
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Here we are...Mr Jones's statement.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05- I've brought your coffee, too. - Thank you.- And the cheque stubs.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07CRUNCHING NOISE
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Don't crunch about like that!
0:03:10 > 0:03:15- I can't help it there's sand on the floor.- Well, sweep it up.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21- Why should- I- sweep the sand up?! What about the porter? He...- Pike!
0:03:23 > 0:03:30- Hang on. I DID get a letter, on Tuesday.- Why didn't you open it?
0:03:30 > 0:03:34I meant to, but I got an urgent load of offal in, sir.
0:03:34 > 0:03:39You have to concentrate with urgent loads of offal. I'll look at it now.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I can tell you what's in it.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46You can't do that, Mr Mainwaring this letter is private.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Jones...- I- wrote it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Pike, WHAT are you doing?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Sorry, sir. I'll put you back.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06You stupid boy.
0:04:09 > 0:04:15The point is, Jones, for some time you've had an overdraft of £50,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17and it's not getting any less.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21And...well, I just can't let it go on any longer.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Look, I'm sorry to reiterate myself,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29but what about the £15 6s 4d that I just put in?
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Yes, but your cheque to United Meat Supplies has been presented,
0:04:34 > 0:04:36which takes care of that.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Isn't that so, Pike?- Er, hang on.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47So...
0:04:49 > 0:04:51..you see, Jones...
0:04:56 > 0:04:59..we have a problem.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- Let's check these cheques, Wilson. - Right, sir.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- That's a very nice cup of coffee. - Thank you!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25I bet the Germans aren't drinking coffee like this!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28What's that stuff they drink?
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Ersatz coffee, made out of acorns.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35And we're drinking good stuff like this!
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Well, that's what we're fighting for.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Good. Take it away, Pike.- Yes, sir.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- Must have been the brown sugar that made it taste nice.- Brown...?
0:06:04 > 0:06:10How that boy ever got his School Certificate, I'll never know!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Now! The first cheque, Wilson.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18It's difficult to read, sir. It's got a brown stain on it.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20That's a liver stain.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- How do you explain that? - Liver always leaves a brown stain.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29- Look, can you pay back this £50 overdraft?- No.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Have you any sort of security?- No.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35You're becoming insolvent.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- What can you do about it?- I could keep the cheques away from the meat.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Oh, no, no, no.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46I don't mean liver stains!
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Look, Jones, until this overdraft is paid off,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53the bank can no longer honour your cheques.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56You couldn't do that to me.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- It's not- I- who's doing it, it's the bank.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04I'm a servant of the bank, following bank policy.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Right, Wilson?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Yes, sir...the servant.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Now, I'm very busy, Jones...
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Yes, well, thank you for your help.
0:07:17 > 0:07:23I'll just go and have a think. Yes, I'll go to my shop and think.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Dear, oh, dear. Aren't you being a little bit harsh on him, sir?
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- Do you think I enjoy that sort of thing?- I've no idea(!)
0:07:36 > 0:07:40If I let him out of an overdraft without security,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44they'll say it's because he belongs to my platoon.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48But it would be terrible if Jonesy went bankrupt.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I realise that. What can I do?
0:07:52 > 0:07:59You know, sir...every day I walk up the High Street to work,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02and as I pass those little shops...
0:08:02 > 0:08:08a nice, friendly, warm atmosphere seems to come wafting out...
0:08:08 > 0:08:13..even from that dreadful fellow, Hodges, the greengrocer.
0:08:13 > 0:08:19Then I stroll on a little further and pass Frazer's funeral parlour.
0:08:19 > 0:08:24And before I cross over to the bank there's Jones's butcher's shop,
0:08:24 > 0:08:29white tiles gleaming, and Jones there in his straw hat
0:08:29 > 0:08:33and striped apron, giving me a cheery wave.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35WILSON CHUCKLES
0:08:35 > 0:08:41And do you know, sir, it sort of sets me up for the day.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45I feel it's my town, you see.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Yes...
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- I envy you, Wilson.- In what way?
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I wish I could afford to be sentimental.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07But I take your point. We'll go and see him.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Awfully nice of you, sir.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13I'm not a hard man really, you know.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18It's just that some men are born to be leaders...
0:09:20 > 0:09:23..and some men are born to be led.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28And I wish that I too had time for the simple things in life.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Sadly, I have to bear the burden.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- That reminds me it's Tuesday! - Tuesday?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Rock cakes!- Rock cakes!
0:09:38 > 0:09:43- It's rock cakes day at Marigold Tea Rooms.- Let's go!
0:09:43 > 0:09:48Good thinking. I'll ring up Jones. Order two coffees and rock cakes.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- And Wilson...- Yes, sir?
0:09:50 > 0:09:55Don't take the one with all the fruit.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02KNOCK AT DOOR
0:10:06 > 0:10:12Oh, Mr Mainwaring! It's very nice of you to come round personally.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16I was a broken man this morning. But now I know I'm not alone.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19We'll do the best we can for you.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21We're a pretty formidable team.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26We've got the whole financial genius of my bank here...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Don't suck your thumb, boy!
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Now, where do you keep your books?
0:10:31 > 0:10:37- Right, sir. Here in the cash-desk. Here we are, in here, sir.- Ah, yes.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- Get out of the way! - It's not my fault.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Come on, Wilson.- Right, sir.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- Oh, get out, Wilson! - It's not easy, you know.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59What's all this stuff?
0:10:59 > 0:11:04Mrs Johnson's cardigan. There's a nasty draught from the cold-room.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Put it on, if you like.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09No, thank you!
0:11:09 > 0:11:14- Take this.- Mrs Johnson's knitting. - Yes, and this.- Her bismuth tablets.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Right, sir, I'll leave you to get on with it.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Jones. Jones.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- I say, Jones.- Yes, sir.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Where are you, sir?
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- Jones!- What, sir?- Where are you?
0:11:37 > 0:11:41What's this thing? Get it off!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44It's Mrs Johnson's fly-paper, sir.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47She's a highly hygienic lady, sir.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You've got to be hygienic in a butcher's, sir.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Get it off, Pike.- Yes, sir.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- I'll use a bit of water. - Not with that!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I'll cut it off!
0:12:04 > 0:12:05LOUD CRASH
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Now...
0:12:16 > 0:12:21Get your books out of there and spread them on the counter
0:12:21 > 0:12:23so that I can sort them out.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Pike!
0:12:40 > 0:12:43I'll stop that out of your wages!
0:12:45 > 0:12:50I want the invoice-book, the ledger, the cash-book, and the post-book.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Right, here it is.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- Is this all you've got? - Well, there's several pages in it.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- What's this?- Oh, that's a mistake.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03No!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Bring the rest out.- Very good, sir.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12In all my years as a bank manager I've never seen such sloppy ways.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17- It balances out all right, sir. - But that's not the proper way.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Here we are, sir. That's the lot.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- All right, let's see... You go through these, Wilson.- Right, sir.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- And you do these, Pike. - Yes, Mr Mainwaring.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Here...this cheque here, it's dated 1491!
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Sorry, that's a mistake. I meant 1941. I was in a tizz that day.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- You must have been!- DON'T throw...
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- What are these figures? - Just pounds, shillings and pence.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52No, these little men on the cheque stubs.
0:13:52 > 0:13:58Oh, that's Raymond, the boy. Boys get up to all sorts of larks.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Let's have a look, Mr Jones.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Look, Mr Mainwaring, this is how it works.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11He runs along, jumps over a fence...
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- He runs along...- Oh, give it to me!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16This isn't a game!
0:14:16 > 0:14:21I'll have to take all this home and do a proper audit.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- Find me something to put it in. - A carrier bag, sir.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Use this box. We'll get rid of that.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33I spent hours sorting out those meat coupons!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38You stupid boy.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Mr Mainwaring's been helpful, but I'm worried.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53He says I'm insolvent. He's taken all my books away to do an AUDIDIT.
0:14:53 > 0:14:59Are you mad? Letting Mainwaring poke his nose into your affairs?
0:14:59 > 0:15:04Once that bank's got their hands on you, they'll squeeze and squeeze.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08You're doomed! Doomed!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Good Lord, you're back late, sir.
0:15:12 > 0:15:18I've only just finished Jones's accounts. He's in a terrible mess.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23- And I can't find that £50. Better have him in.- I'll give him a shout.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26No, I don't want them all to know.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31- I'll go. Take a look at the balance sheet I've drawn up.- Right, sir.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43HE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Pardon?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48HE MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:15:48 > 0:15:53(If it's about you making him bankrupt, we KNOW.)
0:15:55 > 0:16:01Permission to be suggestive, sir. Can all my friends come, too?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Well, yes, all right. Very well.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- Leaving you in charge, Sponge.- Sir.
0:16:10 > 0:16:16- Don't interrupt unless something vital happens.- What sort of vital?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Oh...like the arrival of the tea.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- Mr Mainwaring?- Yes...
0:16:21 > 0:16:27- I'm Mr Swann, the High Street grocer. - Mr what?- Mr Swann.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33I tried to get you at the bank today. I must speak to you. It's important.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Well, I...what is it?
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Not in front of everyone it's very embarrassing.
0:16:39 > 0:16:45Oh, calm down. I've got a very important meeting here. Excuse me.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Well! It's embarrassing to HIM, not to me.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I'll be as brief as possible.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58I've made out a balance sheet. Wilson will give you the facts.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03Well, your business is ticking over and that's all.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07The only snag is the £50 that you owe to the bank.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12So, we'll all have to rally round and see how best to help you.
0:17:12 > 0:17:18Now, for the purpose of this talk, I shall be wearing three hats...
0:17:20 > 0:17:25..as your commanding officer, your bank manager, and your friend.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Heaven help us!
0:17:28 > 0:17:33Sir, which hat will you be wearing as his friend?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38It's a hypothetical hat, Godfrey.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Now, the first thing to do is to examine your assets.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49Is that the hat of the commanding officer, bank manager or friend?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- The bank manager's.- Now we know, sir.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56It's confusing if you aren't actually wearing a hat.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Shall I run and pick up your bowler?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Quiet, Pike, or I'll send you home!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- Read out the assets, Wilson. - There's the van...
0:18:05 > 0:18:09I should say...£10 for the van.
0:18:09 > 0:18:14Hold on, man. If you sell the van, the platoon will have no transport!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Ah, that's very true, yes.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21We'll buy the van from him. Put it down as £9.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27But I won't have any business left!
0:18:29 > 0:18:34I'm trying to help you, Jones. I'm speaking as your friend.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- You don't sound friendly. - What do YOU suggest?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I don't know, Captain Mainwaring...
0:18:40 > 0:18:45- but I can't bring myself to squeeze the orphans.- Squeeze the orphans?
0:18:45 > 0:18:50I supply meat to the orphanage and three months of bills are unpaid.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53There's exactly £50 worth there.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Really, this is the limit!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59I spent hours looking for that £50,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02and you had the bills in your pocket!
0:19:02 > 0:19:08I can't see those little orphans starving. They've got no parents!
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I know what an orphan is, Jones!
0:19:12 > 0:19:17Sir, the vicar is a trustee of the orphanage. Perhaps he could help.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Is he? That's a good idea. Go and get him, Pike.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- It's a bit late.- Nonsense! It's only 9.30. Get him.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29All right! On your head be it...
0:19:29 > 0:19:30DOOR SLAMS
0:19:30 > 0:19:34I do hope this matter about the orphanage
0:19:34 > 0:19:36is really important!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I object to being dragged out of bed.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42It isn't even dark yet, vicar!
0:19:42 > 0:19:47That's not the point. One hour before 12 is worth two after.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50 His Reverence must have eight hours.
0:19:50 > 0:19:56What's HE doing here? It's none of his business. He's a trouble-maker.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I am NOT. I am here in my capacity!
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Mr Yeatman is orphanage treasurer. He assists me in every way.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10You see, Vicar, Mr Jones is in severe financial trouble.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15The orphanage owes him three months of meat bills that's £50.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- That's Miss Twelvetrees' fault. - Miss Twelvetrees?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22She's given no money for five months.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27This is a very delicate situation, Miss Twelvetrees.
0:20:27 > 0:20:34I understand you usually donate a cheque to the orphanage every month.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37But not for the last few months.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42That's right, Mr Mainwaring. I own a shop in the High Street.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I donate the £10 a month rent to the orphanage.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49But I've had no rent for five months.
0:20:49 > 0:20:55So, YOU'RE owed £50. ..You've asked for the rent, of course?
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Yes, several times. But my tenant is such a nice, kind, religious man,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I don't want to push him too hard.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08You see...he's so very, very poor.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13What's this I hear about you being so very, very poor?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Well...
0:21:15 > 0:21:18I AM poor...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20..very poor indeed!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24What about the £50 you owe Miss Twelvetrees?
0:21:24 > 0:21:29I don't know... I just got a bit behind, that's all...
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I had the £50 ready to give her, but...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36..I lent it to somebody else.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- To whom?- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Keep out of my affairs!
0:21:42 > 0:21:46You can't squeeze me like poor old Jonesy!
0:21:46 > 0:21:49See you on parade.
0:21:51 > 0:21:56I've never seen such a web of intrigue in all my life.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00But I'll unravel it if it's the last thing I do.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05It's extremely good of you all to turn up today.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09I'm sure Captain Mainwaring won't keep you too long.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14- What's it about?- Captain Mainwaring will make it clear when he arrives.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19- Well, I'm on duty in half an hour! - All right, all right.
0:22:19 > 0:22:25- Uncle Arthur, has Mr Mainwaring found that £50 yet?- I think he has.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- Exciting, isn't it?- Frightfully!
0:22:29 > 0:22:34It's just like that film, Charlie Chan Investigates.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38All these guests were in a country house for the weekend,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41and one of them gets murdered.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Charlie Chan gets them round a table like this, and says,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48"One of you is a murderer."
0:22:49 > 0:22:54"Very soon I shall reveal the identity."
0:22:57 > 0:23:02Hey! Do you think Mr Mainwaring will do it like a Chinaman?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Don't be silly, Frank, please!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Ah...so...
0:23:08 > 0:23:10See! See!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22It's very good of you all to come.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- I won't keep you long.- He's just said all that. Get on with it!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Very well, I'll come to the point.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Yesterday Mr Jones informed me
0:23:32 > 0:23:37he could not pay the £50 overdraft back to the bank,
0:23:37 > 0:23:41because he in turn was owed it by the vicar.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46The vicar was unable to pay, as Miss Twelvetrees owed him £50,
0:23:46 > 0:23:52She could not pay because she was waiting for it to come from Frazer.
0:23:54 > 0:23:59You, Frazer, had already lent it to somebody else, who was Godfrey.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04- Oh, dear...- Godfrey then in turn lent it to Sergeant Wilson!
0:24:04 > 0:24:09Is all this necessary? It really is frightfully embarrassing.
0:24:09 > 0:24:14Don't worry you all acted with the best possible motives.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18But why did Sergeant Wilson want the money?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21That brings me to the missing factor X...
0:24:21 > 0:24:24..which is YOU, Hodges.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27What are you talking about?
0:24:27 > 0:24:33I intend to show that by your greed ...and profiteering,
0:24:33 > 0:24:37you are responsible for this miserable affair!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41And how do you intend to prove it?
0:24:41 > 0:24:46- I KNEW Hodges would turn out to be the murderer.- Keep quiet, Frank.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Come in, Mrs Pike.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Mum...?
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- Take a seat, please. - Thank you, Captain Mainwaring.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- What's SHE doing here?- You'll see.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04Mrs Pike, would you repeat what you told me just now?
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Well...Mr Hodges there, he's my landlord.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11And about a year ago, he told me
0:25:11 > 0:25:17he was going to increase the rent on my house from £1 a week to £2!
0:25:17 > 0:25:21Well, I told him I couldn't possibly afford it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26But he said not to worry about it I could owe it to him.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28But then...
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Then, last week, he asked me to go for a drink with him,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37and he told me I owed him £50 back rent!
0:25:37 > 0:25:43But he said he'd forget all about it if I was "nice" to him.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- The swine!- >
0:25:46 > 0:25:50Would you excuse me just for a moment, sir?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Would you mind awfully standing up?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08All right, sir. You can carry on.
0:26:10 > 0:26:15You're mad! That's criminal assault! I'll sue you for every penny!
0:26:15 > 0:26:21- Be quiet, Hodges! All that fuss about a little tap.- Little tap?!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Carry on, please, Mrs Pike.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25I told Arthur...
0:26:25 > 0:26:30I mean, Sergeant Wilson... that I needed £50 back rent.
0:26:30 > 0:26:37I'd give that £50 back, Hodges. You had no right to put up the rent.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41I'll charge what I want for my property!
0:26:41 > 0:26:46I'll report you to the Chamber of Commerce and they'll throw you out!
0:26:46 > 0:26:50As a Chamber of Commerce member, I second that.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54I third it. You're not a shopkeeper!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I'll pay!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Go on, then! I don't carry £50 cash around!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03There's £50 here.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- You just have to give me a cheque. - I haven't got a cheque.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- I- have.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18I've made it out to your account. You just have to sign it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34 You...you mangy bluebeard!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39You can sneer...I've admired Mrs Pike for years.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44But she won't even look at me, because she's besotted with him!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Hit him again, Uncle Arthur.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- Would you care to have another one?- No!
0:27:51 > 0:27:58- Get on with it, then! - Here's the £50.- Here you are, Mavis.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Sorry Mrs Pike.
0:28:00 > 0:28:06- There you are, Arthur.- All right. - Thank you...- Right.- ..for everything.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- There you are, Godfrey.- Thank you.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12And thank YOU, Mr Frazer.
0:28:12 > 0:28:19Yours, dear madam. Oh, thank you. You're such a religious man.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23There you are. Thank you, Miss Twelvetrees.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25There you are, Mr Jones.
0:28:25 > 0:28:31- I'm- the treasurer. That's my job! There you are.
0:28:35 > 0:28:41- Here you are, Captain Mainwaring. Now we're all square.- Thank you.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45I must speak to you, Mr Mainwaring. I'm Swann, the grocer.
0:28:45 > 0:28:50- Oh, yes. What is it?- It's a bit embarrassing in front of everyone.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53You're too sensitive. Spit it out!
0:28:53 > 0:28:58- Could we go somewhere more private? - Come on, be a man! Tell me.
0:28:58 > 0:29:04All right! Your wife hasn't paid her grocery bill for six months
0:29:04 > 0:29:05£49 17s 6d!
0:29:05 > 0:29:09How much have you got there? £50!
0:29:11 > 0:29:17- Thank you. Here's the change. Good afternoon.- I say!
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Just a moment... That money belongs to the bank!
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Treat yourself to an overdraft!
0:29:24 > 0:29:28I say, stop! STOP!