0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:22 > 0:00:27# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# But he comes home each evening
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# And he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:55 > 0:00:59- Ah, Wilson. Come in.- Thank you. - Sit down.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Still doing the paperwork, I see. - Yes.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06This concerns you particularly.
0:01:06 > 0:01:12- I have to submit a confidential report on my sergeant.- Really?
0:01:12 > 0:01:18To be fair to you, I've copied out what I've written.
0:01:18 > 0:01:24- We'll go through it together. I'm not underhand. - I'm sure you're not.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Right! Conduct - good.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Thank you, sir.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39This is your military conduct, not your private life.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Oh, I see.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Next, appearance...
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Now...
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- I had a lot of difficulty over this.- Why?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I've known you for a good many years.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58I suppose you're almost a friend.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05As your commanding officer I must be fair and impartial.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10- You can see what I've written. - Ah, yes... "Could do better."
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- How could I do better?- Look at you.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22- Untidy hair...collar and cuffs undone.- It's more comfortable.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27I always do them up when somebody comes.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29It's not altogether that.
0:02:29 > 0:02:35Your general bearing is slack. You don't even stand like a soldier.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Really? I had no idea.
0:02:38 > 0:02:44It's quite true. You're frequently to be seen standing like that.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54It's all very well to laugh.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59A couple of inches more, and you could be a nancy boy.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02You should stand like that.
0:03:02 > 0:03:09I'm sorry if you don't think I'm smart. I don't want to upset you.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11You're not upsetting me, Wilson.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16We are supposed to be soldiers and there's a war on.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I suppose I'd forgotten.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22What's next?
0:03:25 > 0:03:30"Parade ground manner - room for improvement."
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I'm glad you find that funny.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38I'm sorry, but this reads like a headmaster's end of term report.
0:03:38 > 0:03:45I wouldn't know. We didn't have public school nonsense at my school.
0:03:45 > 0:03:51If you didn't pay attention, you got a clip over the ear.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57"General alertness - could do better."
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I think I should take this seriously, Wilson.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07It could affect your Home Guard career.
0:04:07 > 0:04:12I'm terribly sorry, sir, I'll try not...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15..I'll try not to laugh again.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I've tried to let you down lightly.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26I should have put "dozy" under "General alertness".
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Dozy?- Yes, dozy.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You walk about in a dream.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33A-ha!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Are you all right?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40You see? You took no notice.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I could have been a Nazi, attempting to cut your throat.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48But you're not, you're you. And waving a paper thing about.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54Well, I think you're throwing away great opportunities.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Between you and me, there are big changes about.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05Our little band could develop into something three times the size.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09These three pips may become a crown.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12What? You?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13You, a major?
0:05:13 > 0:05:19Oh yes, indeed. I intend to turn this platoon into a company.
0:05:19 > 0:05:25You would be first in line for company sergeant major.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29But where are the extra men coming from?
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- I- intend to take time by the forelock...
0:05:37 > 0:05:39In the words of the great CB Cochran,
0:05:39 > 0:05:43"Early to bed, early to rise, no jolly good if you don't advertise."
0:05:48 > 0:05:52I'm going to start a recruiting campaign.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53KNOCK KNOCK!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Come in.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Permission to speak, sir.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It's falling in time, sir.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Half are in the hall, and half in the yard.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Do you want the men in the yard in the hall or the other way round?
0:06:09 > 0:06:10In the hall.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Thank you, sir.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18All those in the hall, fall in the hall.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Shan't be a minute, sir.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30All those in the yard, fall in the hall.
0:06:31 > 0:06:37Right, sir. All the men in the hall and in the yard are obeying the orders at the double, sir.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Where's Mr Jones?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44We have to fall in the hall.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46There's no need to go through here.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- Do as he says and fall in the other way.- Fall in.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55This way.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02They're falling in the other way.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09So, that's our target...
0:07:09 > 0:07:12to treble our strength.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16And in addition to those people we know personally,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19who we will try and persuade to join us,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I think a poster display would be a good thing.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26We ought to have one like General Kitchener,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28"The Home Guard needs you!"
0:07:28 > 0:07:31How remarkable!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I was thinking along those lines.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38I don't have any pictures of myself like that, but I can have them taken.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Hold on! Hold on! It shouldn't be an officer's picture.
0:07:45 > 0:07:51- Why?- It's not officers we need, it's men.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Yeah! We ought to have a picture of Uncle Arthur.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00- I wouldn't want that. - I quite agree.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10- Sorry, sir. - Mum says he's good looking.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15My sister Dolly says, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
0:08:15 > 0:08:17There's no need to be rude, Godfrey.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25We should do it in confidence. We should vote in a secret BALLET.
0:08:28 > 0:08:34- Whoever wins can be on the poster. - That's a good idea.- Is it?
0:08:34 > 0:08:40We'll need a photo and I happen to know a fine, cheap photographer.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Good! Lay that on, Frazer.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Wilson, organise a secret ballet... ballot!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54All the votes have been counted.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I will now ask Mr Yeatman to hand me the result.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Hand me the result, Mr Yeatman.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05There it is. Captain Mainwaring has one.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Congratulations, sir. - Very gratifying.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Just a minute! I'm announcing these results in the reverse order.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Captain Mainwaring has ONE vote.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27I thought we agreed not to vote for ourselves.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I voted for Captain Mainwaring.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Thank you, Godfrey.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Crawler.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Private Pike has two votes.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- Thank you.- All right.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Sergeant Wilson has four. Well done.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Lance Corporal Jones has ten votes. APPLAUSE
0:09:56 > 0:09:58He's the winner.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03I had managed to work that out for myself. Jones is the winner.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Thank you very much.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Congratulations.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12It's been a fair fight and I'm satisfied with the result.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17What time do we come round for the sausages?
0:10:24 > 0:10:29- Hello, Frank. Has Jonesy come round to have his picture taken?- Not yet.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- But the photographer's here. - Good.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- I think you ought to look.- Why? - It's not very modern.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Where do you want this, Mr Frazer?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What is it?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47It's my sister Dolly's aspidistra.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53That's where he's having his photo taken. He'll look like my grandad.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Where's the photographer?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I'm under here.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Good afternoon.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Mr Bluett, I didn't know you did this sort of thing.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Oh, yes, I had the concession on the promenade for years.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16I used to say, "Hold still, my jolly holidaymakers!"
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Then I'd dip into the tank and hand it to them all wet.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25It didn't fade until they got home.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Isn't the backing just a bit old-fashioned?
0:11:29 > 0:11:33It'll fit Jonesy's face.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38I like it. I think it's very refined and well-meaning.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I hate those copper-plated things.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Where do I stand?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Over there.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- Mr Mainwaring will blame you. - It's nothing to do with us.
0:11:52 > 0:11:58I'll put on serious expression, like this.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02You'll have to keep still for six seconds.
0:12:03 > 0:12:09Six seconds? I can't keep still for six seconds.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14I don't blame you. I don't think I could myself.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Can't you use a flash?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I can't get the bulbs.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21What about flash powder?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I tried that once, at a wedding.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28The picture had a lovely quality...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30but the hall burnt down.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38I'd like to try this. I can hold this for six seconds.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43All right, Jonesy, take a deep breath and keep still.
0:12:43 > 0:12:49One...two...three... four...five...
0:12:54 > 0:12:55What a pity.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Never mind. We'll have another one.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Is there an extra charge?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04No.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Do you think I should have one with my spectacles off?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Kitchener didn't wear them for his photo.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Come to think of it, he didn't wear spectacles at all.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Mr Mainwaring won't like it.
0:13:19 > 0:13:25Keep quiet. Try it without the spectacles, Jonesy.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- How's that?- Fine, as long as you hold still.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- Deep breath.- One...two...
0:13:34 > 0:13:39FLY BUZZES
0:13:39 > 0:13:41We can't have that.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46His eyeballs will look like fuzzy prunes.
0:13:47 > 0:13:52- No extra charge? - This is the last one.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57Did you hear that? Hold still, you silly old fool.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Don't speak to me like that. I'm a Lance Corporal.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I could have you on a fizzer.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Sit down, shut up and hold yourself still.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I'm ready. Go.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19One...two...three...four...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Squad, 'shun.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25You're making a monkey out of me.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32- What's going on? - We're getting the photo ready.
0:14:32 > 0:14:38- Who's the photographer? - It's me, Mr Mainwaring. - Hello, Mr Bluett.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He does it very cheaply.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46It's very artistic. Come and have a look.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Ooh-ooh, Mr Mainwaring!
0:15:05 > 0:15:11I'm sorry. That's not what we want. It looks ridiculous.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- I told you.- Quiet!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Would it be better with my hat?
0:15:16 > 0:15:22It's not your fault, Jones. Wilson has the wrong conception.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27It wasn't my conception. I did this sketch in the office.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30This is what I had in mind.
0:15:30 > 0:15:37"You..." Then a picture of Jones. "..need a new hat."
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Then a picture of a Home Guard hat.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44And underneath, "The Home Guard needs you today."
0:15:44 > 0:15:49That's a very good idea. We don't need all this.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- All we need is Jones's head. - I'll do that. Come here, Mr Jones.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Go in closer. We only need Jones's face.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03How's that?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08That sheet came off my bed.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Stitch it up.
0:16:11 > 0:16:18- Do you want my glasses on or off? - Er...on, I think, Corporal.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22The trouble is, he can't keep still.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- I can keep as still as you. - I don't have to keep still, do I?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I promise to keep still this time.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Put your expression on. Go!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39One...two...
0:16:39 > 0:16:45..three...four...five...six.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- I kept still.- Well done. - That was a good one.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52It wasn't. You didn't put the plate in.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59One more for luck.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07I can't take any more printing orders for weddings.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I'm only taking war work.
0:17:11 > 0:17:18Fred, get your sandwiches off that machine. You'll have raspberry jam all over the type.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23It's slowing down again.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26So it is. Wait a minute.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39You can't get the spare parts.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Where was I?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46It's this escaped prisoner of war poster.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Let's have a look.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52How many do you want?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54About 50.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Bung it in the basket, will you?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Is it OK there? Yes.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Ready the day after tomorrow.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07PHONE RINGS
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Hello?
0:18:10 > 0:18:15No, I'm sorry. I'm only taking war work. I can't do visiting cards.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Then you'll have to tell them who you are.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Fred, Fred, come on. The big 'un. It's running dry.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Oh, it never stops.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31LOUD BANGING
0:18:32 > 0:18:36I think we spoke on the phone.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39You're the one with the posh voice.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41What can I do for you?
0:18:41 > 0:18:46- This is the rough idea. - "You need a new hat..."
0:18:46 > 0:18:50I can't take hat adverts. I'm only doing war.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54This is a war hat. It's the Home Guard.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Home Guard? I suppose Home Guard counts as war.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01That's the picture.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Oh dear, oh dear.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08I can't do many for you. You can't get ink.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Can't you?- No, nor the paper.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16It must make life difficult if you happen to be a printer.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19It's absolute murder.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23How about if I give you 50 the day after tomorrow?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27That would be fine. Where shall I leave them?
0:19:27 > 0:19:32- Just put them in the in-tray. - Thank you so much. That's very kind.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- KNOCKING - Come in.
0:19:37 > 0:19:43The printers have sent a sample of the poster.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48- Good! Good! That was a very ingenious design, Wilson.- Thank you.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57- It's not a very good likeness. - It's not Jonesy.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Can't I trust you to do anything?
0:20:01 > 0:20:06I don't know what you mean by "the wrong picture".
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Hang on. Fred!
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Where's that Home Guard poster? Here.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14There you are. What about that?
0:20:14 > 0:20:18That's the prisoner of war. The other one!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Here we are.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Fred, you've mixed them up.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Hello...there's no need to worry.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- We'll let you have the right one. - Thank you very much.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Tear the lot up.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I can't. The bill poster has them.
0:20:51 > 0:20:56- What have you got there? - Six eggs.- Can I have one?- No.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59I'm taking them to Mrs Prosser.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I look after her sometimes.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05It won't come to anything - she's 83.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09She's meeting me here so get along.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15They're giving away free polish.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16That's Free Polish.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19This is a club for Free Polish soldiers.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28- Can I wait with you? - No, you cut along.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Give me an egg then.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35All right.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09"Escaped prisoner of war. This man is dangerous."
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Ugly looking swine!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Don't panic!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Stop or I fire. GUNSHOT
0:22:56 > 0:23:03If you had been a prisoner in my camp, you would not have escaped so easily.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Now...who are you?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I keep telling you. I'm Jack Jones.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Lie! Lie! Lie!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15It's the truth. I'm a butcher.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Lies! Lies! Lies!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20You're making a mess of your desk.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27That's mahogany. You're not taking care of it, are you?
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Silence!
0:23:31 > 0:23:35I shall ask the same question in a different way.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- Who is that?- It's me.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- So you admit it.- I'm Jack Jones.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46Listen, my friend, you try to be funny with me
0:23:46 > 0:23:49and it's going to be very bad for you.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52May I speak to my solicitor by phone?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Silence!
0:23:54 > 0:23:59You're not supposed to talk to me like that. I'm secretary of the Darby and Joan Club.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Where did you get that moustache?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08That's my moustache. I've had that ever so long.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Concealed in your bunk, eh? It's false. Admit it.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Captain Mainwaring will have you on a fizzer.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23PHONE RINGS
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Hello...? Ah, Major, thank you for ringing back.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I have your escaped prisoner-of-war.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Yes...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Please pick him up quickly.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38I don't want him to teach my prisoners bad habits.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41What...? Not till Wednesday week.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Very well.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50I shall keep him here and we shall make him very welcome.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Put him in the compound with the others.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59I can't wait to see Mainwaring's face when he clamps eyes on this.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Here, Napoleon, have you seen that?
0:25:08 > 0:25:13- Wilson, you've mixed the photos up. - It's nothing to do with me.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Can't you do anything right?
0:25:15 > 0:25:20Excuse me. I don't know if you're interested,
0:25:20 > 0:25:27but I've just seen Mr Jones being driven off by Polish soldiers.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I expect you know all about it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Cor blimey, that's good.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Those Poles run a prisoner-of-war camp.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- We'll get him out.- By tunnel?
0:25:44 > 0:25:49- We'll drive in Jones's van. - Hold on. Jones has the key.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53I'll drive you. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10I'm not supposed to be here. It's all a mistake.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13They won't listen to you, them Poles.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Whoa! Mr Mainwaring!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Mr Mainwaring.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Oo-ooo! I'm over here.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I'm over here.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42They won't let me out.
0:26:42 > 0:26:48- These here won't speak to me and he won't listen.- Don't worry.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52We'll have you out in a jiffy.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56Hey, you! Get your commanding officer and look sharp.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03- It might pay to be tactful. - Damned impertinence.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- I'll put him in his place. - You tell him.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Put that gun down and listen to me.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22I think it would be good not to beat about the bushes.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27Captain Mainwaring doesn't like that sort of thing.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Don't apologise. He's in the wrong.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32No! YOU are. You have no papers.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- We're sorry about that. - No, we're not. Wilson...!
0:27:40 > 0:27:46I don't need papers. I'm British. I'm known to everyone in the area.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- I do not know you. - I must phone my commanding officer.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53When he hears about this, your feet won't touch the ground.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57- You won't have to phone anybody. - That's better.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02You see, as soon as you call their bluff, they climb down.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06I demand the release of my colleague.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11Ah! So that man is your colleague. That's very interesting.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25You're a fine man, Captain Mainwaring.
0:28:25 > 0:28:30I've always said you'd stand by your comrades, and you have.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32That wasn't gallantry...
0:28:32 > 0:28:35it was sheer stupidity.
0:28:35 > 0:28:40Do you think my mum will be allowed to send me a Red Cross parcel?
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Go away, Pike.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45What time will they serve dinner?
0:28:45 > 0:28:49It'll be fatty soup. They always serve fatty soup.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54- I can't stand fatty soup! - Don't lose control.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58What do you find so funny, Wilson?
0:28:58 > 0:29:03- I just thought...do officers have confidential reports?- Oh, yes.
0:29:03 > 0:29:08I wonder what the Colonel will say on yours when he gets to hear about all this.
0:29:08 > 0:29:13Wilson, you're doing it with both hands now.
0:29:39 > 0:29:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd