0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys Who will stop your little game,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys Who will make you think again,
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# cos who do you think You are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town On the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun!
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think You are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:51 > 0:00:55GUNSHOTS
0:00:59 > 0:01:05- Don't jerk the trigger, Pikey. Squeeze it like a lemon!- A lemon?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Yes, Mr Jones.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14That's rather good, Frank.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19We're improving. They'll be calling us Mr Mainwaring's Sharpshooters!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Your turn now, Captain Mainwaring.
0:01:26 > 0:01:33- What have I got to beat? - Frazer's got the best score - two bulls, two inners and one outer.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I think we can improve on that!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Would you like a wee wager?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Yes! I don't mind.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- A shilling? - Make it ten.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- Rather a lot of money. - Backing down?- No!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I'll do the spotting, sir.
0:01:55 > 0:02:01Who's in charge? Captain Mainwaring the one shooting the gun.
0:02:01 > 0:02:07You're doing ever so well, Captain. That's two bulls and one inner.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15U-hmm!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Missed!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30U-hmm!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Missed!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39What ARE you doing? Who are you?
0:02:39 > 0:02:44I'm the butler from the big hall. I've a message from His Lordship.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48He says he's taking his nap so will you stop shooting.
0:02:48 > 0:02:55Doesn't he know we're at war? If he doesn't like noise, why does he have a range?
0:02:55 > 0:03:00The range is for real soldiers. You're only here on sufferance!
0:03:00 > 0:03:05So will you kindly jack it in, my good man?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I'll take my ten shillings now!
0:03:14 > 0:03:19What a terrible day. I've never been so humiliated.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Don't take it too seriously.- What?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26It was rather amusing. We're NOT real soldiers!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Don't stand up for that butler!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33He was only doing his job. His Lordship wanted a nap.
0:03:33 > 0:03:42- I can remember a cousin of mine with his butler...- Oh, yes! You privileged classes stick together!
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Things will change after the war!
0:03:46 > 0:03:53The common man will come forward. Professionals will run the country, doctors, lawyers...bank managers!
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- And people like you! - Yes, people like me.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01You mean common!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Now watch it, Wilson.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- I didn't know you were a socialist. - How dare you!
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Take that back!
0:04:12 > 0:04:17But you said that the country would be run by common men like you.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22I said nothing about common men. I said THE common man.
0:04:22 > 0:04:31- People who succeed through effort not because father has a title. Their day's over.- What'll they do?
0:04:31 > 0:04:40- They'll go to work! We'll have democracy!- And if they disagree? - They'll have no say in the matter!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I'm not having it!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- I am not having it!- What's wrong?
0:04:46 > 0:04:51Bluett was using this stirrup pump on his greenfly!
0:04:51 > 0:04:55'Ere, give me my stirrup pump back!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59No. You abused it. It's mine to abuse!
0:04:59 > 0:05:04It's not yours. It's on loan. I'm having it back!
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Let go of that! How dare you?
0:05:06 > 0:05:12You wouldn't have done that to me if I was 57 years younger!
0:05:12 > 0:05:18- Stop bullying poor old Mr Bluett! - Soapy water corrodes the washer.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23I've been using soapy water for 80 years and it hasn't corroded me!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26You are NOT having it back!
0:05:26 > 0:05:30I hate you...! What?
0:05:30 > 0:05:37I hate you! And I'm not alone! Do you know what the kids do behind your back?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40"Put that light out!"
0:05:42 > 0:05:45"Put that light out!"
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I don't believe it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54See? He's got feet of clay.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58I think perhaps I should go, Mr Bluett.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01He's not having my pump, though!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10"Put that light out!" Leave me alone!
0:06:12 > 0:06:17I can't stand it! I can't take any more, Napoleon!
0:06:17 > 0:06:23- Everyone hates me. Nobody's taking the war seriously.- I agree with you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:32Well, there hasn't been an invasion these two years. People think we're wasting our time.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37That's what Germany wants lull us into a false sense of security.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Something has to be done about it!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- KNOCKING - Come in. ..Yes?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Will you see a deputation, sir?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Oh. Very well.
0:06:48 > 0:06:56Thanks very much, sir. Deputation, into the office, at the double, quick march!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Deputation...halt!
0:07:02 > 0:07:10- What's this about?- Well, after this afternoon's humiliating experience, the men's morale is at rock bottom.
0:07:11 > 0:07:18Do you know what they're calling us in the town...? The Geriatric Fusiliers!
0:07:20 > 0:07:24And in some cases... they're right.
0:07:27 > 0:07:35- Mr Mainwaring, my mum says that home guard training is turning Uncle Arthur into a brute.- Frank!
0:07:35 > 0:07:41- You got cross with the washing-up and broke a cup in the sink! - All right!
0:07:41 > 0:07:46We've got to make this town appreciate the home guard.
0:07:46 > 0:07:55Well, I look at it this way, sir our job is to stop Germans roaming the country, ravishing our maidens.
0:07:57 > 0:08:05- Well...- Do you remember when we took part in that training film dressed as German soldiers?- Yes.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08The whole county thought we was the real thing!
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Yes, and you had to see the area commander.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15What did he say to you, sir?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I don't wish to discuss that!
0:08:18 > 0:08:27We should dress as fifth columnists and roam the countryside and that would give the town a fright!
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Ah, no...! I think you're getting into the realms of fantasy, Jones.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Wait that might do the trick.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42I don't want to roam around ravishing maidens!
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- What do you think? - It wouldn't work. The Army would be onto us like a shot.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Not if GHQ already knew about it.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Can I come, Napoleon? No! We don't want him!
0:08:57 > 0:09:06- Like us, Mr Hodges has been reviled for going about his duty. Yes, you can join us, Hodges.- FRAZER: No...!
0:09:06 > 0:09:13- We'll shake the complacency out of the town.- We'll give them a fright!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16# We must all stick together... #
0:09:16 > 0:09:20I'm not happy about the idea, Mainwaring!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23But we should dispel apathy, sir.
0:09:23 > 0:09:32Hmm. When I inspected the Dymchurch platoon, so many men were absent it was like walking down a fish queue.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Ha... Well, there you are, you see.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Well, all right, but keep me informed!
0:09:40 > 0:09:45I'm going to call it Operation Wake-Up Walmington-On-Sea.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Just call it Operation Wake-Up.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Will do.- Where's your HQ?
0:09:51 > 0:09:57In the old flour mill. I've asked the men to rendezvous there after dark on Saturday night.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01I've said not to shave and to look suspicious.
0:10:01 > 0:10:09- What are they going to wear? - They're going to be dressed as fifth columnists...
0:10:10 > 0:10:14What do fifth columnists wear? I've never met one.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Oooh, er, something very sinister.
0:10:17 > 0:10:23I've also said to get dressed up as cut-throats and desperados.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29- I see. Well, good luck, Mainwaring. - Thank you, sir.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Cut-throats and desperados...?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36# You started something,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# Yes, you did, but you didn't... #
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Where's the light switch?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Operator, Walmington 382, please.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34What...? What's my number? Oh...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40633.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45PHONE RINGS Hello?
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- Wake-Up! Roger!- Eh?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Wake-Up! Roger!
0:11:54 > 0:11:58I'm not Roger and I haven't been asleep.
0:11:58 > 0:12:04- Who is this? - It's me...the verger.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Where's Godfrey?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Out. He's asked me to mind the phone.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15He'd no business to pop out. When he returns, give him this message -
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Operation Wake-Up. Roger.
0:12:19 > 0:12:24And tell him to ring Walmington 633 at once. Have you got that?
0:12:24 > 0:12:29Yes, I've got it 6-3-3.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39Captain Mainwaring's been on. He left a message. What was it?
0:12:39 > 0:12:47Ah! Yes, let me see. Someone named Roger is going to have an operation and you've got to ring that number.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53It must be the hospital. Oh, dear.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55633.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Could you get me 633, please?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Could be appendicitis!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05RINGING
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Is that the hospital?- What?!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Is that you, Godfrey?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15How's Roger? Will he be all right?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20What are you babbling about?
0:13:20 > 0:13:27I had a message that Roger had appendicitis and had to have an operation.
0:13:34 > 0:13:42- The message was that Operation Wake-Up has started. - O-oh, Operation Wake-Up...
0:13:42 > 0:13:49- Now stand by that phone and don't go to sleep! - I got that part of the message!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Sir.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Take off that eye patch. I thought of that first.
0:14:11 > 0:14:18- You cannae wear one with glasses! - I know! I'll take the glasses off.
0:14:18 > 0:14:26Why don't you wear this over the other eye...? Then you'd look very suspicious!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Now watch it, Frazer.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53What game are you playing?
0:14:53 > 0:14:59Do you like it? I copied it from a photograph of Edward G Robinson.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Brush the chalk off it.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05But we have to look like desperados!
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Yes, but not like American gangsters.
0:15:24 > 0:15:30- Do you think that fits the bill? - I think it looks absurd.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Well, you told us to look as suspicious as possible.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40There's a difference between suspicious and absurd. Where did you get it?
0:15:40 > 0:15:46- I used to wear it at the Tramps' Ball at the Savoy.- Oh, really...?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I've never seen anything look so stupid in my life.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54It's better than wearing an eye patch with glasses.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Wilson...- Sir?
0:15:57 > 0:16:01I can understand Pike wearing something stupid...
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Very young boy. Vivid imagination.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Thinks everything's a game.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21But I think you've dressed like that simply to annoy me.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28- Get those gloves and that hat off. - All right. If you insist.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35MR HODGES WHISTLES "The Stripper"
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Oh, Lord!
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Bet you didn't know it was me, sir!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57You've gone too far.
0:16:57 > 0:17:04Let me be a nun. The papers say everyone's dressing up as a nun.
0:17:04 > 0:17:11- Just get it off.- But I've ordinary clothes on underneath. I shan't look peculiar.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I wouldnae say that, son.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18All right! Now settle down, the lot of you.
0:17:18 > 0:17:25Make yourselves comfortable. There are plenty of sacks. We move at first light.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30# Moonlight becomes you,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34# It goes with your hair... #
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Platoon, halt!
0:17:36 > 0:17:40We don't look suspicious or furtive enough.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45Yes, well, if I were to turn my collar up like this...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47make my eyes shifty like this...
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Any good?
0:17:50 > 0:17:57- Not really. Jones, tell the men to march like a rabble, in a shifty, furtive manner.- Sir!
0:17:57 > 0:18:03Platoon, in shifty and furtive manner, like rabble, quick march!
0:18:07 > 0:18:12Halt...! Jones, stop that truck and ask where the aerodrome is.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17- I'll put on a German accent. - Very good idea.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Halt!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Halt!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Fool! I nearly ran you over!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29I vant to know, vhere is ze aerodrome?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- What aerodrome?- Er...any aerodrome.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36You heard him! Vhere is it?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Foreigners! You're barmy!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Don't take that tone with me, my man!
0:18:52 > 0:18:57Mr Mainwaring... you look even more suspicious now!
0:18:59 > 0:19:04We're getting nowhere at this rate. We've got to do something drastic.
0:19:04 > 0:19:11When somebody comes by, let's hit Hodges. We'll look like we're extracting information.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Good idea. I'll go first. No!
0:19:15 > 0:19:22- We shall only pretend. - That's right. We'll just pretend like this.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24That hurt!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Something's coming.
0:19:26 > 0:19:33Right, Frazer, Wilson! You two, grab hold of him. Pike, Jones, start interrogating him.
0:19:33 > 0:19:39- PIKE USES AMERICAN ACCENT: You'd better talk!- Stupid boy!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- So you von't talk, hah? - Hit him!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Hey! What's going on?
0:19:47 > 0:19:53- Ve are asking ze questions! - Ve vant answers! - Oooh!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55What do you want to know?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Don't tell 'em! - Shut up!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02They're fifth columnists!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Rubbish! That's Mr Jones, the butcher.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08How did you know who I was?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I live in Walmington! I know you all!
0:20:12 > 0:20:20And I know you! The last time I was in your shop, you short-changed me. I've been waiting for this.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Oo-oh!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Come on, back to the ship.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38Sailing tonight, are you? Now, careless talk costs lives!
0:20:38 > 0:20:45Sorry! Go to the crossroads. You can hitch a lift to Dover. It's only 20 miles.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Thanks. Come on, Frenchy.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Au revoir, mes amis. Good luck.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54French! Mmm.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01You done that deliberate! You held me while he hit me!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Shut up! It was your own fault!
0:21:04 > 0:21:09- Serves you right. You give us shopkeepers a bad name.- Halt!
0:21:09 > 0:21:15- This is absurd. Nobody's taking any notice of us. - Try them men over there.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23- Good idea! And this time, I'll do the talking. - In a German accent?- No!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Where's the aerodrome?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Just a minute.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55- Those men look very suspicious. - They do! - More fifth columnists?
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- They're dressed like us. They must be.- We can't be certain.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- We should ask to see their papers. - You're quite right.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Come on.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Who are you? - Who are YOU?
0:22:10 > 0:22:15- Why are you dressed like that? - Why are you? - Stop repeating me!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- They look like spies. - How absurd!
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Show us your papers. - Show us yours. - I've had enough of this.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I demand to see your papers!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Give me that back.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Show us YOUR papers. - Show us yours!
0:22:32 > 0:22:37- We're not going to. - Oh, yes, you are. - Oh, no, we're not.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Halt!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48You know what we're doing. Come on!
0:22:48 > 0:22:51 You can leave me out of this.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55All right, Hodges, you stay here. And hold your tongue.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Come on.
0:23:05 > 0:23:11Ah...zat vas a very good morning's vork, vas it not?
0:23:11 > 0:23:16- Ja! A good morning's vork! - Ja, ja! It vas a good morning!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21That's a fact...! Jawohl!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23That is ein fact!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27We have seen ze aerodrome!
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Did you count ze planes?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- I made many notes. - Und we have seen the ships!
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Also, I wrote down ze numbers of ze ships.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43But we need some more of ze information.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49Why do we not...ask them?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53This is a very good idea.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57We will ask them ze questions and get answers!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09That's done the trick. Let's get back to the mill.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12We can cut across the fields.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Hello, Mr Godfrey. You still here?
0:24:19 > 0:24:26I'm in charge of the telephone. Could you carry on for me for a few minutes?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Yes, but don't be long. I won't be.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Good morning, Vicar. Good morning.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Platoon, HALT! >
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Do you mind? I want to get my sermon.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42GOOD morning! Mainwaring ABOUT?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44No.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50On Sunday morning! Where IS HE? I've no idea! PHONE RINGS
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Reverend Timothy Farthing... What?
0:24:52 > 0:24:56There's no-one here. ..Oh, dear!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00WHAT'S the matter? Dymchurch police want the home guard.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05Typical! Mainwaring's not here. Slacker! I'll take it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Move!
0:25:07 > 0:25:15Hello, hello. Captain Square here, commanding Eastgate platoon home guard, don't you know, what?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18What?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20What?
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Good heavens...! I say, are you sure?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I'll be over right away!
0:25:27 > 0:25:33They say there's a bunch of fifth columnists over there! Desperados!
0:25:33 > 0:25:40Armed to the teeth! Asking about aerodromes. They were seen at the Six Bells.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44I must get over there. Where is the Six Bells?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Five miles up the Dymchurch road.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Damnation! We've got no transport.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Captain Mainwaring's van's outside. Damned good idea!
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Shouldn't you ring GHQ? No! Come and show me the way.
0:25:58 > 0:26:04I'm not getting involved! And I've got to take the collection.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Never mind that, you old fool. Come on, get out! Out, out, out!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Which way did they GO?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16They went that way, sir.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Right, we'll get 'em! Ha-ha! Tally-ho!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Any sign of them, Captain?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33No. Nothing!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38There they ARE!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41We've got 'EM!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44All right, men, back in the van.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Good morning's work, eh, Wilson?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Yes. We gave them quite a fright.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56What are we doing now, Captain?
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- We'll march on the gasworks.- Why?
0:27:00 > 0:27:05It's 12 o'clock. Everybody's cooking Sunday lunch we turn off the gas.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Right, men, surround the building.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11AND NOT A SOUND!
0:27:12 > 0:27:16Come on, men! FOLLOW ME!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18What's that noise out there?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21It's Captain Square.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23He's got my van!
0:27:26 > 0:27:32ALL RIGHT! I'll give you one minute to come out of there, WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Or I'll BLAST you out!
0:27:34 > 0:27:40Don't panic he's going to blast us out! Don't panic! Don't panic!
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- Jones!- What do we do?- I'm not surrendering to that idiot Square.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47He's a trigger-happy maniac!
0:27:47 > 0:27:51He won't shoot. Even he's not mad enough for that.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58CHARGE!
0:28:15 > 0:28:19Mainwaring, what the HELL are you doing here?
0:28:19 > 0:28:24You madman! You nearly killed us all!
0:28:24 > 0:28:32Well, Mainwaring, for the last few years you've been behaving like a clown, and now you look like one.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- It fooled you!- Yes, we had you running all over the countryside.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43- I knew who it was the whole time. - Rubbish! You fell for it. You fool!
0:28:43 > 0:28:49- You'll take that back! - No. You've been a fool for years!
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Don't call me a fool, you fool!
0:28:51 > 0:28:56- I'll report you to the colonel. - You rotten sneak!
0:28:56 > 0:28:59I'll kick you out of the golf club!
0:28:59 > 0:29:02You're not a member of the club.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Subtitles by BBC Scotland