0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:51# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:56 > 0:01:03NOISY RABBLE Ladies and gentlemen, order. Order, please!
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Can we get on? We've been here two hours!
0:01:07 > 0:01:14Well, I think we're all agreed on the poster. I think it's very tasteful and artistic.
0:01:14 > 0:01:21It needs more colour. You can't have colours in wartime, Mrs Yeatman.
0:01:21 > 0:01:28Now the climax of the "Wings For Victory" Week will be the grand march past on Saturday.
0:01:28 > 0:01:36The Mayor, standing on the podium, will take the salute, along with myself and other council officers.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40First, the Sea-Scouts Drum and Bugle Band.
0:01:40 > 0:01:47Then a Keep Fit display by the Ladies' Netball Team...
0:01:47 > 0:01:50led by Mrs Yeatman.
0:01:52 > 0:01:59Point of order, Mr Chairman. Are they going to wear dresses or shorts?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02They'll wear shorts, of course. You can't do PT in dresses.
0:02:02 > 0:02:09Ladies' legs can lead to ribaldry among the crowd. I shouldn't like my sister, Dolly, to be shocked.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14What's the matter with a bit of leg? Lovely!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Those white thighs...
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Gleaming in the sunlight.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27What about them little ankle socks, too?
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Little ankle socks.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Can we raise the level of this discussion, please?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- I quite agree, Your Reverence. - Be quiet, Mr Yeatman.
0:02:33 > 0:02:41- Keep your dirty old men in order, Mr Mainwaring.- I'm quite indifferent to this discussion.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- He's sulking!- I am not sulking.
0:02:45 > 0:02:52- It's because you aren't Chairman. - If I had been Chairman we wouldn't have been here two hours.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54No. We'd have been here four hours!
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Now, after that we have the display of Morris dancing.
0:02:59 > 0:03:07- Are there any more suggestions? - Mr Chairman, through the Chair, can I take the floor?
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Are we all in agreement that Mr Jones can take the floor?
0:03:12 > 0:03:17GENERAL ASSENT Mr Jones, the floor is yours.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22Thank you... Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Litter Bug.
0:03:23 > 0:03:30This is the Squander Bug. Why don't two of us dress up as these bugs?
0:03:30 > 0:03:36The Litter Bug can throw paper and the Squander Bug can throw money.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Hey, hold on...hold on!
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Who's supplying the money?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46It's going to be imitation money, Jock.
0:03:46 > 0:03:54I don't think we can have two bugs. We'll have to make do with one. After all, bug costumes cost money.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59To spend money on a Squander Bug costume rather defeats the object.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Frank's got a Squander Bug costume. I made it for the Scout Show.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09I'm not going to wear that. It makes me look a fool.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13I saw the show. I thought you looked rather sweet.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Don't make me wear it, Mr Mainwaring,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- please don't make me wear it. - Sort it out amongst yourselves.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Can we get on, please?! - I quite agree. That's settled.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Frank Pike will be the Squander Bug. - Oh, no!
0:04:30 > 0:04:37- Now, the Grand Finale... - My platoon will be doing that.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40The Wardens are doing the Finale.
0:04:40 > 0:04:48- The Finale will be done by the Home Guard and that's that. - Gentlemen, gentlemen...please!
0:04:48 > 0:04:52I suggest you share the Grand Finale.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I second that. I third it! Be quiet!
0:04:56 > 0:05:04All those in favour? One...two...three...four...five... six...seven. Against?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Put your hand up, Wilson.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11- I can't be bothered. It's a crashing bore.- I'll do it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:16He gets too tired for anything this time of night.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18That's a fact!
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Seven... So it seems I have the casting vote.
0:05:24 > 0:05:30The Grand Finale will be shared by the Wardens and the Home Guard.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35- And what are the Home Guard doing? - I'm not saying in front of him.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41And...your contribution, Mr Hodges?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I'm not saying in front of HIM.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Oh, dear. We seem to have reached an impasse.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54Well, I feel sure that whatever it is...it will be very nice.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I got your estimate this morning, Mr Jackson.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I must say the cost seems pretty high.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04What?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06But I don't want the legs cut down.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Is Mr Mainwaring buying a table, Uncle Arthur?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12It must have 22 legs.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Big table.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20And the tail must be 12ft-long.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23No, it's an aeroplane.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28Don't be ridiculous, Frank, just get on with the filing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30No, I'm sorry, I shall just have to cancel it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Yes, all right, goodbye.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I'm going to have to get somebody else to build it.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Have you asked Frazer or Jones?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41That's not a bad idea. There's room in Frazer's workshop, isn't there?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43No, Mr Mainwaring.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Mr Frazer and Mr Jones couldn't make an aeroplane.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Don't you ever make an intelligent remark, Pike?
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Haven't you told him, Wilson?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56No, not yet, no.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01I've decided that, as the "Wings For Victory" Parade coincides with St George's Day,
0:07:01 > 0:07:09we shall stage a fight between St George and the dragon - representing England and Hitler.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Can I play St George?- No!
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- Have you decided who will play St George?- It's obvious.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24You?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28A friend of mine is lending us armour. He wants me to wear it.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Why don't you wear cardboard armour?
0:07:31 > 0:07:38A man in my position can't be seen wearing cardboard armour.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Real armour might be a bit dangerous.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48I don't intend to do anything strenuous. I shall walk the horse round the dragon and shout,
0:07:48 > 0:07:53"Cry God for Harry, England and St George!"
0:07:53 > 0:07:59Then I shall make a symbolic gesture with my sword to the dragon.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04- What does the dragon do? - Makes a symbolic gesture back?
0:08:13 > 0:08:20- Hurry up, Pike.- I'm not ready. MRS PIKE: He won't be a minute.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- The men are in the dragon, sir. - Well done, Corporal.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Come along, Frank.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- I must say, you made it awfully well, Mavis.- Thank you, Arthur.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45The Vicar was right. He does look sweet in it, doesn't he?
0:08:45 > 0:08:50He's a dear little Squander Bug. It's too short!
0:08:53 > 0:08:54What should he do?
0:08:54 > 0:09:02He could say, "Don't be a Squander Bug like me, Save for Victory!" Then he throws the money about.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Very good... Try that, Pike.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Don't be a Squander Bug like...
0:09:15 > 0:09:21FLAT TONE: Don't be a Squander Bug like me, save for Victory!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- HORN BLARES OUTSIDE - That's no good.- No, sir. He should skip about a bit.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29And make gestures with your arms as if you're throwing money.
0:09:33 > 0:09:39Don't spend money like me... I feel such a FOOL!
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- The men are inside the dragon, sir. - Good, good.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54- Heavens above! What is it? - It's a Squander Bug, of course.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57He looks like a potato on sticks!
0:09:59 > 0:10:04- Have you finished, Mr Mainwaring? - Yes, thank you.- Come along, Frank.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Leave it alone. You'll pull it out of shape!
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Hoi! Where are you going?
0:10:23 > 0:10:28- You said right wheel. - I said get at the back.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- You get on the front, Jones. - Right, sir.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Stop! Stop! Stop!
0:10:40 > 0:10:45- What's the matter, sir? - You've got the tail in your mouth.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49- Sorry, sir...- That's better.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53I'll explain what we're doing. Help me on with the helmet.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- You can't do it with my glasses on. - Oh, right. There you are...
0:11:01 > 0:11:06We'll try it like this. That's it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:13- There we are. - Open the visor.- Right, sir.
0:11:16 > 0:11:22- I'm terribly sorry, sir, I'm afraid it's stuck.- It's a wee bit rusted. I'll get some oil.
0:11:24 > 0:11:31- Open it up!- The dragon ain't half good, isn't it?- Get out of the way, Frank!
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- I'm afraid it's rusted up, sir. - I can't hear you.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Look, there's a little door here.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Can you HEAR me now, sir?
0:11:43 > 0:11:48- You nearly deafened me, Jones. - Can you hear me now?- I can hear, but I can't see.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52He can HEAR, but he can't see.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- I'm afraid this is going to be difficult but...- Let me have a go.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Oh, yes. Very clever of you.
0:12:05 > 0:12:11We'll have you out in a minute. A wee drop here...and here...
0:12:11 > 0:12:16Look, there's another door. This helmet's full of them.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Can you hear me now, sir?- Jones!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23That's it - got it! How's that, sir?
0:12:23 > 0:12:30- You look a little bit red, sir. Are you all right?- Just put my glasses on.- Here we are, sir.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33There we are. Lovely... Oh, shut your doors.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34- BANG! - Argh!
0:12:38 > 0:12:44Stop playing games, boy! Help me on to the horse and we'll rehearse the fight.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I have your sword here, sir.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- Thank you. - Here's your head-bonker.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- That looks vicious. - It's only an old tennis ball.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Yeah, wouldn't hurt a fly...
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- You STUPID boy! - Sorry.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- Your door as well.- Ah-h!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20This is how we stage the fight. Pay attention, men.
0:13:22 > 0:13:30I'll walk on to the village green and the dragon will go round me. Understand that, Jones?
0:13:30 > 0:13:37- The dragon goes round you. Right. - And then I shall shout, "Cry God for Harry, England and St George!"
0:13:37 > 0:13:43At that point the dragon will paw the ground and charge.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- Paw the ground and charge. - Yes. Get into the skin.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- Get into the skin. - Up on the horse.- This side, sir.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- Stand on the box...- Hup!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Hang on... There.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Hup...- Give me your leg. That's it.- Ah-h-h.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Take your hands off, will you?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Hang on a minute...
0:14:11 > 0:14:19- Don't you think you ought to be wearing a cardboard helmet? - I'm NOT wearing a cardboard helmet!
0:14:19 > 0:14:27- Dragon's ready, sir. - Cry God for Harry, England and St George!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Right, paw the ground.
0:14:29 > 0:14:36Hold on! Smoke is supposed to be coming out of the mouth, sir... Jonesy, where's the smoke?
0:14:36 > 0:14:42- I can't make it work. - Ach, you stupid old fool.
0:14:44 > 0:14:51- That'll frighten the wits out of the crowd, Wilson. - It frightens the wits out of me.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54It's all ready now, sir.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Cry God for Harry...
0:14:57 > 0:15:00England...and St George!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Paw the ground.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- Where's the smoke? - CHOKING COUGHS
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Well, that should do the trick. I only hope it works.
0:15:25 > 0:15:31Yon Mainwaring must be mad to wear a real suit of armour. It's sheer vanity.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36- Captain Mainwaring, sir. Ready to hoist you.- Right.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- Why have you brought that dog? - The knights always had them, sir.
0:15:46 > 0:15:54Why must you give yourself airs all the time? Why can't you behave normally like me?
0:15:54 > 0:16:00On Saturday afternoon we shall assemble here and march into the town.
0:16:00 > 0:16:07- So we've only got today to sort out any problems that might arise. Pike, get the horse.- Yes, sir.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17This is ridiculous, sir. The armour is far too heavy.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Don't be defeatist, Wilson.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24If our forebears could wear it... so can I.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- Sponge!- Yes, Mr Jones?
0:16:26 > 0:16:32- You haul Captain Mainwaring up. And don't let him dangle.- Right.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Right, heave!
0:16:41 > 0:16:46- You've forgotten your helmet. - Right, lower him...lower him.
0:16:54 > 0:17:00- You all right, sir?- He can't hear you. I'm going to open the door...
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- Can you hear me, sir? - Of course I can. Get on with it!
0:17:04 > 0:17:08He's in one of his moods. All right.
0:17:12 > 0:17:18It would have been better if my sister had knitted him a suit of chain-mail.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22If anything goes wrong, we'll get him out with a tin-opener!
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Walk underneath, Pike.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Lower!
0:17:36 > 0:17:43- Why didn't you hold the horse? - You just said to bring him through!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Pull him up!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- Hold the horse's head, Frank. - I am holding it.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Lift him up! Lift him up!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Lower...lower.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37What's that? Come on, gee up.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Ready, Jones?- All ready, sir.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58What a noble figure the Captain makes. Aye, noble...but stupid.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05Cry God for Harry... England...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08and St George!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Dragon - 1, St George - 0(!)
0:19:19 > 0:19:23I think perhaps Godfrey's sister should knit me a suit of armour.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Atten-tion!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Band and drummers, ready?
0:19:32 > 0:19:37By the centre, quick MARCH!
0:19:37 > 0:19:38DRUMROLL
0:19:41 > 0:19:44THEY PLAY TINNY MARCH
0:19:57 > 0:20:02I can't think why you didn't go to the theatrical costumiers like us.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07I didn't want to disappoint Godfrey's sister.
0:20:07 > 0:20:14Now, the Walmington-On-Sea Ladies' Netball Team present a keep fit display.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19LIGHT APPLAUSE
0:20:24 > 0:20:28GRAMOPHONE RECORD CRACKLES
0:20:35 > 0:20:42Ooh, they're very nice, aren't they, Mr Mayor? If you like that sort of thing.
0:20:45 > 0:20:52- Will you look at those thighs! - Get away from there, Frazer.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- Mr Mainwaring, I feel a fool. - Do stop grumbling, Pike.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08We let you off being a Squander Bug and you're still not satisfied.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I don't like showing my legs!
0:21:11 > 0:21:18- It's a pity we have to go on before the Wardens. - Hodges won the toss.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22Anyway, after our pageant, anything they do will be an anti-climax.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27When I tap you with my sword, you fall over. Is that clear?
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I can't wait to see Mainwaring's face. He'll be green with envy!
0:21:33 > 0:21:38I think St George and the Dragon is a simply spiffing idea!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Hurry and get changed, Mr Yeatman.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- Uncle Arthur...- Mm? - This makes a lovely pea-shooter...
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- OWWWW!- Behave yourself, boy!
0:21:57 > 0:22:02I'm going to see if I can get on to the horse in this costume.
0:22:04 > 0:22:12- Hold the horse's head, Frazer. - Hey, you'll never get on wearing that. It's too long.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Just hold the horse's head.
0:22:26 > 0:22:33- It's too long.- Sorry, sir. - What will I do?- Pull your skirt up.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- It's no good.- Try side-saddle, sir.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Don't be absurd. Whoever heard of St George riding side-saddle?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Ah-h-h...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I think I can make some adjustments, sir.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58MUSIC ENDS
0:22:59 > 0:23:02WHISTLE BLOWS
0:23:02 > 0:23:04APPLAUSE
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Thank you and well done, ladies.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Now the next item on the agenda is a display by the Eastgate Morris dancers!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23BELLS JINGLING
0:23:38 > 0:23:43When you get on the horse, you can drape it around you discreetly.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Well, it will have to do. Thank you very much, Godfrey.
0:23:47 > 0:23:52Yon Morris dancers are rotten. Why aren't we Morris dancing?
0:23:52 > 0:23:59Too ordinary. They'll never have seen anything like this before.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Ha, that's a fact!
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Come on, help me mount.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- Get out of the way, boy. - Sorry.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Wilson, my helmet, please.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Thank you.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49BELLS JINGLE Hey!
0:24:49 > 0:24:51APPLAUSE
0:24:56 > 0:25:03And now the Grand Finale, which is a shared item between the Wardens and the Home Guard.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08First, Captain Mainwaring's platoon will perform...
0:25:08 > 0:25:11a spectacular medieval extravaganza!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14APPLAUSE
0:25:30 > 0:25:33TRUMPETER PLAYS FANFARE
0:25:38 > 0:25:40TRUMPETER PLAYS FINAL FLOURISH
0:25:42 > 0:25:46What's that soppy boy doing? He's dressed like me!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Maurice! - Yes, Tracy?
0:25:49 > 0:25:54Mainwaring's lot are doing St George and the Dragon as well!
0:25:54 > 0:25:59I'll kill him! Quick, get out there. And you get in that dragon skin...
0:25:59 > 0:26:04Stop handling me. You know I don't like it... Shut up!
0:26:08 > 0:26:09APPLAUSE
0:26:16 > 0:26:18CROWD CHEER
0:26:27 > 0:26:34Well, what a surprise. Captain Mainwaring is going to fight the dragon.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36HE PLAYS FANFARE
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- What's he up to?- I've no idea.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52HORSE WHINNIES
0:26:52 > 0:26:54LOUD CHEERS
0:27:02 > 0:27:06- Get off this field, Hodges!- BOO!
0:27:06 > 0:27:07'Ere...
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- What's your game?! Clear off! - We'll do nothing of the sort!
0:27:13 > 0:27:17- You clear off, you silly fellow! - Look here, Vicar!
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- We thought of it first. - Oh, no, you didn't!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Well, don't say you haven't been warned!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Mr Hodges is going to fight the dragon.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40No, I tell a lie. The DRAGON is going to fight the dragon.
0:27:55 > 0:28:01- Right, Napoleon, you've asked for it!- I'm not afraid of YOU.
0:28:15 > 0:28:21Now the two St Georges are fighting each other. This is certainly giving history a new twist.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29HORSE WHINNIES
0:28:36 > 0:28:42- Do be careful, sir!- It's ever so good! Like that film, Robin Hood.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55LOUD CHEER
0:28:59 > 0:29:01OOHS AND AAHS FROM CROWD
0:29:14 > 0:29:19- We must do something, Frank. - Leave it to me, Uncle Arthur...- Mm?
0:29:22 > 0:29:24RATTLE OF PEAS
0:29:27 > 0:29:29You flippin' hooligans!
0:29:40 > 0:29:41Get OFF!
0:29:46 > 0:29:48CROWD CHEERS
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!