0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:11 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game,
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# We are the boys who will make you think again.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21,
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun!
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:57 > 0:00:59James...Frazer.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:01:04 > 0:01:07"Dear Mrs Pickering,
0:01:07 > 0:01:12"I hope the funeral arrangements for your late husband were satisfactory.
0:01:12 > 0:01:19"May I say how sorry I was that the hearse ran out of petrol just outside the cemetery.
0:01:19 > 0:01:26"I'm sure your dear departed husband would have been proud of the way you helped push him to his resting place.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32"And what a fine, strong woman your mother is.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36"I hope you managed to get the mud off her skirt.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40"I include my final account."
0:01:40 > 0:01:46Let me see... "One solid oak coffin, £4.15s.3d. One set of brass handles, 13s.6d.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50"Transport fare, £3.14s.2d."
0:01:50 > 0:01:53That makes an allowance of £2...
0:01:53 > 0:01:57..no, for 32s - for the lost 120 yards!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00"Total: £9.2s.11d."
0:02:00 > 0:02:05Profit... Let me see. Profit: £3.6s.8¾d.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Total profit for the week:
0:02:10 > 0:02:14£18.17s.2d!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Less 6s.1d housekeeping.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Not bad!
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Not bad at all.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30I'll have a small herring tomorrow as a wee treat,
0:02:30 > 0:02:34and I'll be able to buy two more...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37golden sovereigns.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40That'll make... Let me see.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44100, 200, 300, 400, 500 and...
0:02:44 > 0:02:47..one, two, three, four.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Five hundred and four pounds and three shillings!
0:02:51 > 0:02:55In present currency...
0:02:55 > 0:02:58..that's valued at...
0:02:58 > 0:03:03..three thousand one hundred and two pounds,
0:03:03 > 0:03:06and four shillings.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08LOUD KNOCKS
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Oh... Oh, mercy. Mercy...
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Who...who's there?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20< It's me, Dr McCeavedy.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Hold on a wee minute, Doctor.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I...I... Oh, dear!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I'll be with you in a minute, son.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37LOUD CLATTER OF COINS
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I WON'T BE LONG!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49I'm just done. I'll be with you, man.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57It IS him.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Doctor, come in, man.
0:04:01 > 0:04:07There you are! I was just listening to ITMA.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Ah! I've come about old Mr Brewster.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Has his time come? - Aye. God rest him.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Dear, oh, dear! I'll go along and make the arrangements.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I came straight here. He only went 20 minutes ago.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Enough time for a wee dram!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- Sit down, Doctor. - You're kind.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Man, you're welcome! Welcome!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40As welcome as...the flu in spring!
0:04:42 > 0:04:43No...?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Ah, to hell with it! Here.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Long may your cup be full. - Hear, hear!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Doing the books, are you? - Aye.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Look at that! 6s.4d. It's hardly worthwhile!
0:05:11 > 0:05:15It's a hard life. Well, I'll be off, then.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25Great Scott! They're sovereigns! Hundreds of gold sovereigns!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Is that a fact?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I wonder...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I wonder how they got there.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43It's almost beyond belief, Doctor.
0:05:43 > 0:05:49I saw it myself. He's not my patient, so I'm breaching no confidence,
0:05:49 > 0:05:53but I'm of the opinion that he's a trifle unstable.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58Well, we've found him a little unpredictable, haven't we, Wilson?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Sir, I think he's very predictable.
0:06:01 > 0:06:07Every time we decide to do anything, he says it'll be a total disaster!
0:06:08 > 0:06:15The point is, if anything happens to that gold, it'll surely turn his mind.
0:06:15 > 0:06:21- You need to persuade him to put it...in some place of safety.- Yes.
0:06:21 > 0:06:27Thank you for the gen, Doctor. I'll do my best for him, count on that.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- What do you make of it?- I don't see that it's our business.- Yes, it is!
0:06:36 > 0:06:41He's a comrade-in-arms, as well as a client of the bank.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46It's my duty as his CO, his banker and his friend
0:06:46 > 0:06:50to tell him to sell the sovereigns and buy an annuity.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53So that you get a commission.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57I... That's nothing to do with it!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Mr Mainwaring.- Yes?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Mr Frazer's statement.- Thank you.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07Look at that. The poor man's only got £15.6s.8d!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12We should have a collection for him.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- You could organise it, Mr Mainwaring. - Quiet, Pike.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22- £15.6s.8d. and he's sitting on hundreds of them.- Hundreds of what?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Mind your own business, Pike.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Take your thumb out of your mouth! - Sorry!
0:07:31 > 0:07:38- I don't think he uses this account from one year's end to the next! - Is it coffins?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Is WHAT coffins? - What Mr Frazer's sitting on.
0:07:44 > 0:07:51You know, Wilson, I think it's illegal to possess more than five of these.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Doesn't sound like coffins.- They're meant to be used to buy battleships.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Not coffins...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Handles!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Is it coffin handles?- Quiet, Frank!
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- But am I getting warmer? - Now, stop! Just stop it!
0:08:07 > 0:08:13- I don't trust him. Eyes very close together. - Are they? I've never noticed.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16It denotes a mean streak.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20I don't think it's fair to say Mr Frazer's mean!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- No?- Last Friday, he let me have three bags of crisps!
0:08:24 > 0:08:28He said they were valuable - the real pre-war things!
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- He made you pay for them? - Yes, but not the black market price!
0:08:36 > 0:08:40How this boy got his school certificate, I'll never know!
0:08:40 > 0:08:45They weren't bad. A bit soggy, but the salt was as dry as a bone!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- Go away, Pike. - PIKE MUMBLES
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- ..and the bag went "Pop"!- Get out!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I'll talk to Frazer tomorrow.
0:08:57 > 0:09:05Well, if Frank's fool enough to buy worn out bags of crisps, I really don't see that it's our business.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I'm not talking about crisps!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Do try not to let your mind wander!
0:09:11 > 0:09:16What he's doing with these sovereigns is sheer folly!
0:09:16 > 0:09:21He's obstinate. He'll send you away with your tail between your legs!
0:09:21 > 0:09:26I don't often get sent away with my tail between my legs!
0:09:26 > 0:09:32- Shall I drop a few hints? - No, I'll deal with it. I'll be very tactful.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36I'll bring it up on parade tonight.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Silence in the ranks. Stop talking!
0:09:43 > 0:09:48Silence in the ranks! Private Pike! Private Pike!
0:09:48 > 0:09:56Stop now, or you'll be on a fizzer for conduct to the prejudice, and not having silence in the ranks.
0:09:56 > 0:10:04- I was just finishing my sentence! - There won't be time for that when Mr Bosche German starts invading!
0:10:04 > 0:10:08He's not here now, is he? Whisht, man!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Let the fool get on, or we'll be here all night!
0:10:12 > 0:10:16We're going to practise doing things in our gas masks.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Excuse me. 'Respirators'.
0:10:19 > 0:10:25- What was that?- Captain Mainwaring likes us to call them respirators.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28That's as may be. The thing is:
0:10:28 > 0:10:35we must practise so much, that everything we do normally, we can do in our gas masks.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- Respirators!- Silence!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Now, the thing is this -
0:10:41 > 0:10:48one day we'll be going about as usual, when suddenly, Hitler lets it off!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Are we down-hearted? No!
0:10:50 > 0:10:55We just put on our gas respirator, and carry on.
0:10:55 > 0:11:02Everything we can do ordinarily, we can do wearing one of these! I can go on working in my shop,
0:11:02 > 0:11:07Pikey can go on banking, Frazer can do funerals,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10and Mr Godfrey can go to the clinic!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13They couldn't take my temperature.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16No. Perhaps you could go back.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22You could have it taken later, couldn't you?
0:11:22 > 0:11:28- Can you eat?- No. That's right. You can't eat. But you can do everything else!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- Can you drink?- No. No, that's right. No, you can't drink...
0:11:33 > 0:11:42- I can't clean my teeth.- Well, who wants to clean their teeth, with Hitler gassing all over?
0:11:43 > 0:11:48You can't smoke a cigarette. It'll get pushed down your throat!
0:11:48 > 0:11:53The fool's talking nonsense! There's hundreds of things you can't do!
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Silence in the ranks! Mr Frazer, I'll have you for insubordination!
0:11:58 > 0:12:03What we must do first is practise doing things in our gas masks.
0:12:03 > 0:12:10- Respirators!- Godfrey, I'll have you doubling round the church hall 50 times!
0:12:11 > 0:12:17Now, then. First of all, I'm going to teach you how to fix bayonets!
0:12:17 > 0:12:22On the command 'Gas', I shall put on my respirator mask.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Right! Ga-a-as!
0:12:26 > 0:12:34The thing to do when you hear that command is to hold your breath and get this on as quickly as you can!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Get it on as quickly as you can.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43MUFFLED WORDS
0:12:43 > 0:12:46HE WHEEZES
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Heurghh!
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Then you get your rifle in your left hand,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55and your bayonet...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Jones, what are you doing?- Argh!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Heurghh!
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Heurghh!
0:13:19 > 0:13:24- MUFFLED: - I'm showing them how to fix bayonets in their gas masks.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Take it off!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I'M TRYING...
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- ..to fix a bayonet in my gas mask.- Respirator.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- We kept telling him!- Quiet, Pike.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- Fall the men in.- Aye, sir. Fall in, please, in three ranks.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Quickly.
0:13:45 > 0:13:50I'll speak to the men about money and security - on a broad basis.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53How lovely.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Now, we'll soon see if Frazer gives himself away. All right?
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Before you're dismissed, I want to have a word with you about savings.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07As you know, this war is costing millions every day.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I expect you've worked hard all your lives...
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Yes, sir.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19When I was ten, I got up at five to follow the milkman and his horse.
0:14:19 > 0:14:26Every time the milkman stopped, he said, "Hang on to that horse!" And he wasn't a nice horse.
0:14:26 > 0:14:33In the winter, in the cold, he used to stamp his feet and tread on my toes.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38In the summer, with all the flies, he'd toss his head and toss me over.
0:14:38 > 0:14:45If I let go, I got a clip round the ear. I only got tuppence a week. But it was a good life!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Now, we must get our money to work for us.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- Isn't that right?- Yes, certainly.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01So, we must make our money work for us.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Some people put notes in mattresses. This is foolhardy.
0:15:05 > 0:15:12My mum keeps a lot concealed about her person. She says nobody will find it - least of all Uncle Arthur.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Would you be quiet, Frank!
0:15:16 > 0:15:22My sister, Dolly, keeps a bit in an old teapot. It has a broken spout.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Ooh! You must take a firm line over that, Godfrey.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29She must put it into a bank.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Captain, are you touting for business?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I'm just giving you some advice.
0:15:36 > 0:15:43There's also risk involved. You may have a bomb fall on you, or an incendiary, or a burglary.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Burglars, of course, will be particularly looking out for GOLD.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Ahh!
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Not that I expect you chaps to have much gold about,
0:15:57 > 0:16:04but if you have... then it's your patriotic duty to sell it and help the war effort.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06And put the money in your bank!
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Not necessarily, no. Right. That's all.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Squad, attention!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Dismiss!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Come with me, will you, Wilson? - Yes, sir.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- I think that was very well done. - Oh, yes, sir.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- I handled that very subtly. - Very diplomatically.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35I don't think Frazer suspected that I was referring to him. Do you?
0:16:35 > 0:16:42No. But I must say that when you mentioned gold, he jumped ever-so-slightly out of his skin.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45He had no inkling that I knew.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Not at all. - KNOCK ON DOOR
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Enter!
0:16:50 > 0:16:54There's just one thing I want to say to you.
0:16:54 > 0:17:00If you think you're going to get your hands on my gold, you can think again!
0:17:00 > 0:17:08I don't trust banks! I don't trust bankers! And I don't trust YOU! That's all I want to say. Thank you.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20There! Seven pounds of King Edwards. Sixpence.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Next!
0:17:25 > 0:17:30I hear you've got onions. Shh! You'll have everyone here!
0:17:32 > 0:17:36You can have half a pound, cos you're a regular.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45Vicar! We don't often see you here! We don't often see onions here!
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Shh!
0:17:46 > 0:17:53You can have half a pound, but only on condition that you cut your sermons to eight minutes!
0:17:53 > 0:17:57That includes getting in and out!
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Here! Shove 'em under your cassock and look holy!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Here! Here!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Have you heard the scandal about Frazer?
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- Is there a woman involved? - You shouldn't listen to gossip!
0:18:13 > 0:18:20- What's he done? - He's hoarding gold coins. You can't move for them!
0:18:20 > 0:18:25I'll get him to contribute to the church fabric fund!
0:18:25 > 0:18:32You'll be lucky! He owes me 13s.6d. I've asked for it till I'm blue. I'll have to county court him!
0:18:32 > 0:18:37Parsimony is a sin, if carried to excess, isn't it?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I've never given it much thought.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43He can't take it with him!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47He'll put it in his coffin, like the Vikings did!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50What a waste! I'll go and see him!
0:18:50 > 0:18:55Hello, Operator? Are you still getting no reply?
0:18:55 > 0:19:00Well, I don't understand it, but thank you for trying. Goodbye.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- Th...thank you! - I don't understand this at all.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Frazer's never missed a parade! Have you had any luck?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- HE SLURS: - He wasn't...at the Horse and Hound.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19And he ha...hasn't been at the Fox, because we made enquiries.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- We also enquired at the Red Lion, the Marquis of...- Frank!
0:19:24 > 0:19:32..the Goat, the Fox and Pheasant, and the Black Horse, and what Mum will say I just do not know!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Sit down, Wilson!- Thank you, sir.
0:19:35 > 0:19:42- He wasn't at Charlie's cafe either. - We had a black coffee there, which hasn't helped!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45We're supposed to be off duty!
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Damn good job for you that you are! Sit there until you sober up a bit.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Or the men will know you're drunk.
0:19:53 > 0:19:59- Frank, the gallant captain is cross with me!- Sshh!
0:19:59 > 0:20:04He wasn't in the library, sir, and he wasn't answering his door.
0:20:04 > 0:20:11- But he took his milk in, so he's got nourishment. - He wasn't at the Whist Drive.
0:20:11 > 0:20:17He's probably with a floozy in some gambling den in darkest Walmington!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20PHONE RINGS
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Home Guard.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Captain Mainwaring?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Frazer, why aren't you on parade?
0:20:27 > 0:20:31I'm not coming. It's all YOUR fault!
0:20:31 > 0:20:35There's folk hammering on my door,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37even that pilly, wally Vicar!
0:20:37 > 0:20:43Well, mark this. None of you are going to get your hands on my gold!
0:20:43 > 0:20:49I'm putting it...where none of you will ever FIND it!
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Nobody wants your gold! All we're... Hello?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Hello?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Hello? He put the receiver down.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04- Was he in a call box?- No, I didn't hear the tuppence go.- He's at home.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06What is he going to do?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I know what I'd do in his shoes.
0:21:09 > 0:21:17I'd get my gold and melt it down. And when it was hot and bubbly, I'd put it in a mould to make a vessel.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22Then I'd paint it white, and put it somewhere where it didn't notice.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27You mean you'd make it into a vase de nuit?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29What's that?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Vase de nuit.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34It's French.
0:21:34 > 0:21:41- I'm aware that it's French! - It...it means, literally, night vase.- Night vase?!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Tiddly pot!- What was that?
0:21:48 > 0:21:54- We had them in the dorm at school. We called them tiddly pots.- Quiet!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I saw a film called "Miser's Gold".
0:21:57 > 0:22:03The man in that had to hide his gold nuggets, so he hid them in a field.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Then the farmer came and ploughed it. Then the other man came back,
0:22:07 > 0:22:12and all he found was stones! And that's what he said.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16"Stones, stones. My nuggets have turned...to stones."
0:22:18 > 0:22:24I can't listen to all this drivel... Hold on! You may have something!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27He WOULD bury it. But where?
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- In his garden!- No, he wouldn't bury it in his garden. It's all concrete.
0:22:32 > 0:22:39You can't bury things in concrete! Not without one of those rheumatic drills!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- How about Peabody Park?- Possibly.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48- In the sand hills, at night. - They're too crowded at night.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53- There are a dozen places... - I think he'll do it tonight, sir.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56You may be right. We must shadow him.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01- What, like George Raft? - We'll make a roster.
0:23:01 > 0:23:08We'll keep him covered throughout the hours of darkness. Sergeant... Oh, never mind.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Tiddly pots! That's what they are...
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Hello. Captain Mainwaring? Jones the butcher.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Has there been some development?
0:23:23 > 0:23:31We saw Frazer come out of his house with a box under his arm. Not an undertaker's box, you understand?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Go on.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39He looked kind of furtive, and he moved off. So we followed him,
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- and we followed him... - Get on with it!
0:23:43 > 0:23:49Then he went into a church yard. I told Pikey to stop and watch him.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54- He's in the church yard. - HICCUP
0:23:54 > 0:24:00And I flitted between the monuments like a wraith, you know, so he wouldn't see me.
0:24:00 > 0:24:06Then suddenly I saw a telephone box and I thought, "That's hunkydory!"
0:24:06 > 0:24:11So I got out two pennies, and I was just... Hello?
0:24:11 > 0:24:17Hello? Oh! He must have put the phone down. I expect he's in one of his moods!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Hello? Who is it?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Chief Warden Hodges. Guess what I saw on patrol !
0:24:24 > 0:24:29- Animal, vegetable or mineral? - This isn't a game!
0:24:29 > 0:24:35I just saw Frazer sneak into the church yard. I bet he's burying his gold!
0:24:35 > 0:24:40When the Vicar wanted a donation, he said he was poor as a church mouse!
0:24:40 > 0:24:45He said it plain as a pike staff - through his very own letter box.
0:24:45 > 0:24:52I think the Vicar may like to see what's going on in his churchyard at 1.30 in the morning!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55We'll be round in five minutes!
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Heh, heh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Oh!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17There he is, over there.
0:25:17 > 0:25:24You see, he digs... Then he cackles. Then he digs again. He's been doing that for ten minutes!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Dig, dig, heh, heh!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Heh!- Don't do that!
0:25:35 > 0:25:41There he is! See that, Reverend? He's desecrating!
0:25:41 > 0:25:45It's not quite as bad as that!
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Heh, heh, heh!
0:25:48 > 0:25:53They're never going to get it. They'll never get my gold!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Uncle Arthur,
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I'm frightened!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Heh, heh!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10We can go and investigate.
0:26:10 > 0:26:15He's off! Let's follow him. Wait! I can see figures moving.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20This is the place. Right! Uncover it, Pike.
0:26:21 > 0:26:27- What with?- Your hands!- There might be slugs or worms or creepy crawlies!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Get on with it!
0:26:30 > 0:26:34You ought to have somebody look at that boy, you know.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39They're wearing army hats! I do believe it's Mainwaring's lot!
0:26:39 > 0:26:43What's he doing here? Come on, Mr Yeatman.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47It's heavy - Must be chock full of gold!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Open it.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56- It's locked. - Here, Pikey, use my bayonet!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- But it's not ours! - Quite right, Sponge. Leave it.
0:27:00 > 0:27:06- Caught you red-handed! You were going to steal that! - No, I wasn't!
0:27:06 > 0:27:12- What, then? I'll handle this. - He's going about lawfully.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17- In a churchyard? At night? - I'm concerned about one of my men.
0:27:17 > 0:27:24- You're filching that box! Be quiet! - I'll speak to Frazer,
0:27:24 > 0:27:29- and get him to sell up and buy an annuity.- So you get a commission.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32So I... Never mind that!
0:27:34 > 0:27:39So you see, Frazer, we acted from the very best of motives.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42But our finding the box so easily,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45only adds proof to my statement:
0:27:45 > 0:27:50the bank's the best place for your valuables - be they in cash or kind.
0:27:50 > 0:27:56- But not your bank!- Don't interfere! Fetch the box, Wilson.- Yes, sir.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58The key?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Here, son.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Give that to the captain. He's a fine man.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Now don't...
0:28:20 > 0:28:25Rest assured, Frazer, my bank will take care of this.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Something for the fabric of the church would be welcome.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34It's a brick! It's a damn brick!
0:28:35 > 0:28:42Aye! It's a brick! And yon Vicar can have it for the fabric of his kirk!
0:28:47 > 0:28:52I'll hold on to my money! You won't put your hands on it!
0:28:52 > 0:28:56You're not going to have my gold! You won't have my gold!
0:29:45 > 0:29:48Subtitles by Mala Balani - 1991