0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:07 > 0:00:12# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# We are the boys who will stop your little game,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# We are the boys who will make you think again,
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21,
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:52 > 0:00:56- IDLE CHATTER - Keep it down.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03All right, settle down. Pay attention.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08I apologise for the fact that we're packed in here like sardines.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13It's Warden Hodges' turn to use the hall and there's nothing I can do.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Now, what I'm about to show you is highly secret.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- Uncover the board.- Yes, sir. - ..One moment.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Clear off. Get out.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Right.- Sir.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Oh, yes. Awfully good, sir. Quite surprising.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48All right. Thank you, Wilson (!)
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Can anyone tell me what this is?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Are you going to write a song, sir?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57That's a good idea - a platoon song.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- We had one in the Sudan... - All right, Jones.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- #- Oh, Lord Kitchener, he may look very odd,
0:02:05 > 0:02:12- #- In spite of what people say, I don't think he's a...- # - All right!- Sorry, sir.
0:02:12 > 0:02:19This is it, men. A secret invasion warning device has been set up along the coast.
0:02:19 > 0:02:27Its purpose is to detect enemy boats and landing craft long before they reach the shore,
0:02:27 > 0:02:32to give us the vital time needed to prepare our defences.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37Now... All this information goes to GHQ along these wires,
0:02:37 > 0:02:41which are patrolled by regular troops.
0:02:41 > 0:02:47Next week, we take over the two-mile stretch in our area for 24 hours.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52I needn't stress the responsibility that this task entails.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Any damage could affect the course of the war.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02Sorry. I just want to finalise arrangements for Sunday's church parade.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07It will have to be cancelled. We're on secret duties.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13- They're only guarding some old telephone wires.- How did you know?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17See this white hat? Chief ARP Warden, that's how I know!
0:03:17 > 0:03:24- We're sorry we can't come. - I'll come to you. We'll have an open-air service.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27We don't have any transport.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I'll run you out there.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Why don't you mind your own business?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51All aboard.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58We're ready to move on.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Thank you, Sergeant. Where's the relief? They're late.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19- We'll have to take a diversion. - Don't be absurd. Look at the map.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- Fancy a cup of tea, sir?- Thank you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:30Our destination is a mile down the road. We can't get through so we have to take the diversion.
0:04:30 > 0:04:36- That's miles out of our way. We're late as it is. Pike!- Yes?
0:04:36 > 0:04:41- Take the sign down. We're going through.- Is that wise?
0:04:41 > 0:04:48I know the British workman. That's just to spin the job out. The road is sound.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53- What about the pipes?- If we drive fast enough, we won't feel it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:59- You haven't got a scientific mind. - Mind if I walk?- Please yourself.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- Ready, Mr Mainwaring.- Well done.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Tea, sir.- Thank you. Jones, back up and drive like hell.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Yes, sir. Back up and drive like hell.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Where's the relief? They're ten minutes late!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53What's that dirty old van doing? Tell them to move on.
0:05:53 > 0:06:00- Oi! Clear off! We're waiting for the relief force! - We ARE the relief force!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Here are your orders.- Thank you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:19- I must stress how important the telephone lines are. Guard them with your life.- Yes, sir.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- By the way, why were you late? - We had some trouble with the van.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29So you got out and pushed it. It's certainly made you sweat. Carry on.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Nice young chap. - Jumped-up little upstart.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Right, men. Put your kit in the command post.
0:06:43 > 0:06:49- What's that dreadful smell?- It must come from all that rotting straw.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54I suppose it's for muckspreading. Still, it's a healthy smell.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Stand by for orders.
0:07:04 > 0:07:10You heard the officer. Stand by for orders at the double. At the double!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Troop now standing by at the double, sir.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19- Frazer, you're in charge of cooking. - There's just one thing, sir...
0:07:19 > 0:07:27The porridge for tomorrow's breakfast will have to be put on soon, so it can simmer all night.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Very well. Put it on.- Well...
0:07:30 > 0:07:37- If you want trout for supper, sir, I don't think I can put it on. - I don't follow.
0:07:37 > 0:07:45There's a well-stocked stream half a mile from here. That's why I brought my rod.
0:07:45 > 0:07:53- But that's poaching!- Oh, no. Fish are all right. It's only poaching if it's beasts and birds.
0:07:53 > 0:08:01- Fine.- That's absurd!- Frazer knows what he's talking about. He's a countryman, not a townie like you.
0:08:01 > 0:08:08- My cousin had a gamekeeper and he said...- I'm not interested in this snobbish rubbish.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13There's a war on. We're entitled to live off the land.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- We have corned beef. - I don't like corned beef.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Go on, Frazer. Pike!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23You cook the porridge.
0:08:23 > 0:08:31We don't want watery porridge. It's one jug of water to one mug of porridge for every man. Got that?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35One jug, one mug. Clever boy.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Now, sleeping arrangements.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Control yourselves!
0:08:48 > 0:08:51We're not a rabble.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Stand back! What are you playing at?
0:08:55 > 0:09:02- I'll take the top bunk. Captain Mainwaring will take the bottom.- Just a minute!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Who gave you permission to decide?
0:09:05 > 0:09:11This is a democratic unit. We make decisions in a democratic manner.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16- Right?- Right.- That means- I- take the top and you take the bottom.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26- How's the porridge going? - Simmering along nicely.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29A bit thick, though.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Well, we don't want runny porridge. Porridge is good stuff, isn't it?
0:09:34 > 0:09:42I remember when I was in the Sudan. We marched through the desert for days. We were exhausted.
0:09:42 > 0:09:50A Scottish soldier fell on the ground and we all halted. General Kitchener rode up on his horse.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54"What's going on?", he says...
0:09:54 > 0:10:01Why is it whenever you talk about Kitchener, you put your hand on your hip?
0:10:02 > 0:10:07That's the way he used to stand. All haughty.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Like that?- Like that.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Why?
0:10:14 > 0:10:20I don't want to go into it now. Where was I ? You made me lose me thread.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25- Scottish soldier lying on the ground. - ..He was on the ground.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30He looked up and he says, "Och aye! Och aye!", he ejaculated.
0:10:30 > 0:10:37"I cannae go on! I cannae go on!" That's Scottish for "I can't go on."
0:10:37 > 0:10:44- "Stuff and nonsense", says General Kitchener...- You did it again! - "..Stuff and nonsense!
0:10:44 > 0:10:52"Think of your national hero, Robert the Bruce. He was lying in a cave, about to give in.
0:10:52 > 0:11:00"Then he saw a spider trying to climb to the ceiling. It tried 50 times until it succeeded.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05"Robert the Bruce was determined to succeed like that spider."
0:11:05 > 0:11:10The Scotsman jumped up. "Yaroo! Yaroo!" He jumped up and down.
0:11:10 > 0:11:16"That's better", said Kitchener. "That story lifted your morale."
0:11:16 > 0:11:21But it wasn't the story that lifted it. A scorpion climbed up his kilt.
0:11:29 > 0:11:35- What's that got to do with porridge ?!- ..I don't know.
0:11:39 > 0:11:46- Just think, Mr Jones. All those telephone wires carrying all those secret messages.- Yeah...
0:11:46 > 0:11:49..All them secret messages.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Coming to the pictures with me tomorrow night, Doreen?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56No. You're all hands!
0:11:56 > 0:12:02- Come on. Be a sport.- All right... if you promise to behave yourself.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- Great! Where will we go - the Regal or the Odeon?- I don't know.
0:12:06 > 0:12:12Just think, Pikey. Going along them lines at this very moment...
0:12:12 > 0:12:19- ..there are decisions being made that could alter the course of the war.- Yeah.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Come on, Doreen. Make up your mind.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- I'm not fussy. You decide. - Right, then.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29The Regal. It's darker.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52DISTANT BOMBS AND SIRENS
0:12:54 > 0:12:59Here they come again! Go and wake Mr Mainwaring.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04- Don't shout and give him a start. Wake him quietly.- All right.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23GENTLE VOICE: Mr Mainwaring...
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Mr Mainwaring...
0:13:26 > 0:13:30..There's an air raid...
0:13:43 > 0:13:45You've shrunk.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50THERE'S AN AIR RAID !
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- Get me out!- Hang on.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Get me out of here!
0:14:00 > 0:14:06- Nothing like a good breakfast. - The porridge is a bit thick.
0:14:06 > 0:14:13- He's done well, considering he's never made porridge before. - Mr Mainwaring...
0:14:13 > 0:14:20- Don't talk with your mouth full. - What shall I do with all the porridge left over?
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- What are you talking about? - Come and have a look.
0:14:32 > 0:14:37Why did you make so much ?! There's enough for 100 men!
0:14:37 > 0:14:42I only did what Mr Frazer said. One jug of oats to one mug of water.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47I said one MUG of oats to one JUG of water!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50..You stupid boy.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- The vicar's coming. - I forgot all about that.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05Let's get it over with. Jones, assemble the men for a service.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Gather round at the double!
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Take these. Yes, Your Reverence.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I'll help you out, Vicar.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- 'Morning, Vicar. - 'Morning, Mr Mainwaring.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Hand the prayer books out, Mr Yeatman.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28I'll go for a smoke and come back later.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Don't you need spiritual uplift?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Mind your own business, Napoleon.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Please stay, Mr Hodges - for my sake.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Come join the flock.
0:15:48 > 0:15:56Brethren, we are gathered together in the true spirit of comradeship and brotherhood.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01Let us give thought to those things above that control our destiny.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Let us raise our faces to heaven and give thanks.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Good Lord!- He is indeed, Captain Mainwaring.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Heavens above! I'LL do the praying!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- There's a bomb on the wire! Don't panic!- Take cover!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Good heavens!
0:16:34 > 0:16:40- How did it get there?- It must have happened in the raid last night.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45- It might blow up.- Only if it hits the ground with considerable force.
0:16:45 > 0:16:52- If it slips, the explosion could bring down the pole and the wires. - Shall I inform GHQ ?
0:16:52 > 0:16:57No, we'll handle it. But we should tell the Post Office.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03There's a phone box a mile away. Shall I sprint down there and phone?
0:17:03 > 0:17:10- Stay where you are, Godfrey. - I'll take my van. - No. I want you here. Sponge!
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- You go.- Right, Captain Mainwaring.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17You be careful with my van, Sponge!
0:17:21 > 0:17:26- Where were you? You've been gone over an hour!- I'm sorry, Captain.
0:17:26 > 0:17:34- After I phoned, the van wouldn't start. I had to run back.- What have you done to my van ?!- Quiet, Jones.
0:17:34 > 0:17:42- What did the telephone people say? - They'll send a team of experts right away.- Perhaps that's him now.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49Does he look like a team of experts from the GPO (?)
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- 'Morning. GPO. - Where's the team of experts?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01I may not be an expert, but I know what I'm doing.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04What are you doing about THAT ?
0:18:07 > 0:18:13No, no, no. That's outside of my territory. I'll have to report back.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- You refuse to go up?- That's right.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Then I'll requisition your ladder.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Jones, Pike, set it up.
0:18:22 > 0:18:29Look here, my man. I don't like your attitude. I'll report you to your superiors.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33You can report me to Winston Churchill (!)
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Ready, Mr Mainwaring.
0:18:49 > 0:18:55- You stupid boy!- It's not my fault the ladder's too short.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Come out of the danger area.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- Where's the rest of the ladder? - There is no more.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07- Then how do you get up a pole? - Use the leg irons.- Get them.- Right.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12- You can't get up with leg irons. - I'll be the judge of that.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17We'll tie a rope around the bomb and lower it to the ground.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Now, men... I'm not asking for volunteers. I'M going up the pole.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26..Like a monkey on a stick!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Captain Mainwaring...
0:19:30 > 0:19:33You're too young to die. Let me go!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Thank you, Jones. But I must go.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48I forgot to tell you. You can't walk in them. They're only for climbing.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Pike, carry me.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55- By myself?!- Hodges, help Pike carry me.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I will not. I'm a non-combatant!
0:19:58 > 0:20:03- I order you to carry me! - Why don't you shoot him? Go on.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08- Shoot him!- I think he's yellow! - ALL: He's yellow!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11All right! I'll do it!
0:20:15 > 0:20:20Keep back, all of you. We don't want to risk too many lives.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Forward!
0:20:32 > 0:20:39Give me the rope, Wilson. I'll have this bomb down in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46You stupid boy! It's supposed to be slack!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55You've got my scarf!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Look what you've done!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Wait... I've got a better idea.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Jam the irons in hard, sir.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Look what you've done!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Off you go, Frazer.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Right... Left.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42..Left.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Left... Right... Pull harder, Frazer!
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Want any help?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Tell him to go about his business.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- Would you move on, please? - I only asked if you wanted help!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- We don't. Clear off.- Very nice (!)
0:22:06 > 0:22:14Ask a civil question and get a load of blasted cheek! Want to borrow a safety pin?
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- Get out! - More blasted abuse! I'm going!
0:22:18 > 0:22:25..As soon as I get these blasted gears sorted out. Get in! Get blasted in!
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Permission to speak, sir.
0:22:28 > 0:22:36I've got an idea. Why don't we take the furniture on that van and pile it up until it reaches the bomb?
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- Well done. Wilson, stop that man.- ..Sir.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50That's the best I can blasted do.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Right. Up you go, boy.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58I'm not going up. It's all wobbly!
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Let me go up that wobbly tower of furniture!
0:23:02 > 0:23:06If not for my rheumatics, I'd be shinning up there!
0:23:06 > 0:23:10If I'd good eyesight I'd be up there like a shot!
0:23:10 > 0:23:16- Aren't you ashamed of yourself, boy?- Show us what you're made of.
0:23:16 > 0:23:21You'll see what I'm made of. I'll be spread all over the road!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24..All right. I'll go.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Uncle Arthur, Mum will hear about this!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Go on, Frank.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Get on!
0:24:09 > 0:24:14It's not high enough, Mr Mainwaring. It's not high enough!
0:24:14 > 0:24:19- Let's jack it up.- We're not giving up now.- I mean jack the lorry up!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I see. Very good idea. Get a jack.
0:24:28 > 0:24:35I hope you know what you're doing! Five blasted pounds this blasted furniture cost me!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Hold on tight. We're lifting you up.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45THEY GRUNT WITH EFFORT
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Higher... Up.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Up...
0:24:57 > 0:25:00..Up!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Can't you do anything right, boy?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20What's my Mum going to say?
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- It's no use. - I think I have a solution.
0:25:24 > 0:25:32Remember yesterday when the road was up, and you told me I hadn't got a scientific mind?
0:25:32 > 0:25:37- And then we had to drive over... And the tea...?- Get on with it!
0:25:37 > 0:25:41There was a crane there. Let's use that.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46Good idea. Frazer, Sponge - go get the crane.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Good luck, Jonesy.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03- Good luck, Jones.- Thank you, sir. - Take it away!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I can't reach it, sir. I'll have to climb onto the pole.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40Be careful, Jones! That man's as brave as a lion.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Ah, that's better. I'll just work it loose...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05I've got it, sir!
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I've got it.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15..I'd best get it back...
0:27:20 > 0:27:24If I can just hang on to it for a minute...
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Ooh! Oh!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I don't think I can hold it, sir!
0:27:39 > 0:27:42It's going!
0:27:50 > 0:27:56- Lucky you made all that porridge! - I'm not such a stupid boy after all.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01- No. Sorry, Pike.- Good job we didn't have kippers for breakfast!
0:28:01 > 0:28:05How am I going to get down ?!
0:28:05 > 0:28:09- We'll think of something. - What if I get a shock ?!
0:28:09 > 0:28:16- You can't get a shock unless someone makes a phone call. - Permission to speak, sir...
0:28:16 > 0:28:19I think someone's on the line now!