0:00:02 > 0:00:07# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# If you think we're on the run?
0:00:11 > 0:00:16# We are the boys Who will stop your little game
0:00:16 > 0:00:21# We are the boys Who will make you think again
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# If you think old England's done?
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun
0:00:41 > 0:00:46# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# If you think old England's done? #
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Oh, hello, Mr Godfrey.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00You remember me - I'm Mrs Fox.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Of course. Can I do anything for you?
0:01:03 > 0:01:10- I wanted to have a word with Mr Jones.- He's gone for a march around the town. He'll be some time.
0:01:10 > 0:01:17Oh, well, I promised to phone him at eight. As I was passing I thought I'd put him out of his misery.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22- Never mind. I'll phone as promised. Bye!- Bye!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- MUMBLES:- Left, right, left, left.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Right wheel!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Ten 'hun!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Left turn!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Order...arms!
0:01:40 > 0:01:45Stand at...ease! ..Where's Corporal Jones?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- Excuse me, Mr Mainwaring.- Yes.
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Remember when we came into the high street and you said right wheel?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56He didn't.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02He walked straight on wi' a silly grin on his face.
0:02:02 > 0:02:08- Did you notice?- Yes.- Why not say?- I didn't want to upset you.- Upset me?!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Left, right, left, right, left!
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Left wheel! Left, right, left!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16'Alt!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Left turn!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Order...arms!
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Stand at...ease!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Evening!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Where've you been, Corporal?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I saw a little throstle bird, sir.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37And I said to meself, "What a pretty throstle! Isn't life wonderful?"
0:02:37 > 0:02:39When I looked round you'd all left!
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Your mind's usually on warlike things, not birds!
0:02:43 > 0:02:48- Fall out! ..Come and see me in the office, would you?- Of course, sir.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I'm getting worried about Jones.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- Woolly-headed. - Yes, I had noticed, sir.
0:02:57 > 0:03:04If it doesn't improve I must replace him. I can't face a Nazi invasion with a woolly-headed corporal!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in!
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Ah, it's you, Jones. I was going to send for you.
0:03:11 > 0:03:17- Yes, sir. Permission to have a heart-to-heart, man-to-man talk. - ..Of course. Sit down.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22All right, Jonesy. You sit down here. There you are.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- Can I start?- Yes, of course.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32- Have you noticed a spring in my step, Captain?- I'd hardly call it that.
0:03:32 > 0:03:40- What about you, Mr Wilson? Do you see a glint in my eye?- Now you mention it, you do look different.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44I have fallen in love, Captain Mainwaring.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46..With a woman.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- I see.- Sir, I have the honour to ask your permission to get married.
0:03:53 > 0:04:01- It's really nothing to do with me. - Don't say that. You're my commanding officer and every help in trouble.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- But you're not in any trouble, are you, Jonesy?- Oh, no.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10You're technically a civilian, free to marry when and whom you like.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13But do YOU give me your permission?
0:04:13 > 0:04:20- Very well, if you want it, yes. Yes, all right.- Oh, bless you, sir. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- He's a lovely man! - Who is the lady in question?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Mrs Fox.
0:04:27 > 0:04:33- Quite sure that you're in love?- I'm besotted!- That's not quite the same.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I see her face everywhere I go.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I see it in the trees and hills.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I even saw it on the gasworks.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Every morning I see it on the pillow beside me.
0:04:46 > 0:04:54Not really! You didn't think that, did you? ..Everywhere I glance, there she is like a will-o'-the-wasp!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58You're quite sure this isn't just a passing fancy?
0:04:58 > 0:05:03No, it's definitely not a passing fancy. I've fancied her for 17 years!
0:05:03 > 0:05:09- Jonesy, are you absolutely sure that you want to marry her?- No, sir. No.
0:05:09 > 0:05:16I'm tortured by self-doubt. I'm only a humble butcher, you know. Is it TRUE affection she feels for me?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Does she love me for myself?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Or does she love me for my meat?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29When were you planning to get married?
0:05:29 > 0:05:36- I don't know if she'll HAVE me! - You haven't asked her?- Oh, yes, I've even offered her an ultimah-tum.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41She's supposed to telephone me at eight o'clock with the answer.
0:05:41 > 0:05:48- Can I sit by the phone? Let me sit next to the phone, sir.- No, I'm sorry, I can't have you there.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Wait in the hall. We'll come and fetch you.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57Mr Wilson, what would I do without your compromising suggestions?
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Well, sir, I shall be waiting on tenterhooks, sir. Thank you, sir.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Thank you, sir.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11He's really got it badly, sir?
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Here he is! What did he say?
0:06:15 > 0:06:20He said yes! He's a lovely man! He really is a lovely man!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23You shouldnae have asked him.
0:06:23 > 0:06:29Mrs Fox is a fine, big widow woman. You should've taken her and hang the consequences!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Oh, I don't think there'd be any consequences!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36She called in before you came back.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41She called in? What did she say? She'd put you out of your misery.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Out of me misery? What does that mean?
0:06:45 > 0:06:49They do it to dumb animals past hope.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54She'll ring at eight o'clock. It'll be all right.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59Exciting, isn't it? Can I come to your bachelor party, Mr Jones?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Course you can, Pikey. You can all come!
0:07:02 > 0:07:09Be a lot of bachelors there. Mr Godfrey's a bachelor, I'm a bachelor, Mr Fraser.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12But Mr Fraser hasn't always been one.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Ay-y-y-ye! I have indeed!
0:07:14 > 0:07:19Mind you, I've never been wanting a lassie!
0:07:22 > 0:07:28Well, tell me - have you ever asked one of them, and then she phoned up later and said no?
0:07:28 > 0:07:33As a matter of fact, she said yes. For a while, anyway.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Yea, man. She was a fine lassie!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42She had long, sturdy legs.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48And she loved tae tread the path by the high cliff.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53With the night wind blawin' through her tresses.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58One night...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00she never came back.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07It seemed she was blawn over the cliff.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Carried out to sea.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16Every night... I stood on that very cliff...
0:08:17 > 0:08:20..and shouted...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23"Jessie! Jessie!
0:08:25 > 0:08:27"Will you no' come back to me?"
0:08:28 > 0:08:33But the wind just blew the words back in my face.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Mocked me. Mocked me, d'you hear?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Many years after, I received a letter.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49It, eh...I was sure that...
0:08:49 > 0:08:53it contained news of her.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58And my fingers shook as I opened it.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Aye, son - I still carry it here. Next to my hert.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Your heart's on the other side.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11"Dear James, I shall always love you.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14"I still wear your ring.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18"I'm in Singapore, and I want to come home
0:09:18 > 0:09:20"and be wed.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23"Please send £40.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28"Yours forever, Jessie."
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Did you send it, Mr Fraser?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Away wi' you, boy. Do you think I'm made of money?
0:09:36 > 0:09:43PHONE RINGS There's the telephone! There's the telephone! Don't panic! Don't panic!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45It's Mrs Fox! It's for me!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50That's Mrs Fox! It's Mrs Fox!
0:09:51 > 0:09:58Hello, my darling! It's me. Are you going to give me the answer? Don't keep me in suspense!
0:09:58 > 0:10:03I love you and love you and I want to be with you forever and ever!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Oh.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10It's the Colonel for you, Captain.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18Hello, sir. Mainwaring here. I'm sorry about that, sir.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- What did she say? What happened? - She turned you down!
0:10:22 > 0:10:28It wasn't her, but it will be in a minute. I wish he'd get off that phone!
0:10:28 > 0:10:35- You gonna be long on the phone, Captain?- Get out. - Very good. Thank you, sir.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Mrs Fox'll phone in a minute and get the engaged signal.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- PHONE RINGS Whoa, there's the phone.- I see.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Yes, of course. Yes, hold on.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Jones, I want you to keep very calm. This is for you.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57HIGH VOICE: Jack Jones...
0:10:57 > 0:10:59NORMAL: Jack Jones, the butcher.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- She wants me to sit down, sir. - Give him a chair.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Sit down here, Jonesy. Sit down and try not to get too worked up.
0:11:07 > 0:11:15- Thank you, Mr Wilson. He's a lovely man. He really is a lovely man.- Phone.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I am now sitting down.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Yes...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26..yes...
0:11:26 > 0:11:28..yes...
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Thank you for letting me know.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I'm trying to keep calm, Captain Mainwaring. I really am.
0:11:40 > 0:11:47- Never mind, Jonesy. It's not the end of the world.- She's a lovely woman. She really is a lovely woman.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53It's no good. I can't keep calm - I'm gonna break! She said she loved me.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00She said...yes. I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox! I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox!
0:12:02 > 0:12:08I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox! I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox!
0:12:10 > 0:12:15Yes. Very well, Mrs Fox, I'll call round tomorrow at six o'clock. Yes.
0:12:15 > 0:12:21Rest assured, anything you say will be treated with the strictest confidence.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26- KNOCK AT DOOR - All right. Goodbye. ..Come in!
0:12:26 > 0:12:32- Oh, it's you, Wilson. Have the men gone?- Yes, sir. Did you want them?
0:12:32 > 0:12:39- No, but I did want to speak to you about Jones.- Yes, you'd have thought he'd have calmed down after a week.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- D'you think I'm right to let him go ahead?- You've no authority not to.
0:12:44 > 0:12:50On the other hand, it may work out all right. After all, they're both the same class.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Yes. ..D'you really think class matters?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Oh, no question. No question about it at all.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03Families make trouble - I contended with snobbery in marrying Elizabeth.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Did you, as it were, marry beneath you?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Oh, no. The family rather thought that SHE did.
0:13:11 > 0:13:18- Ah.- She's very well connected, you know, Elizabeth. Her father was the Suffragan Bishop of Clegthorpe.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- Oh, was he really?- She led a very sheltered life, you know, Elizabeth.
0:13:27 > 0:13:34Very funny - you know she hadn't even tried tomato sauce before she met me?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I soon put that right.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Marrying you must have opened up a whole new world for her!
0:13:46 > 0:13:52Oh, yes. I think it did. But I never felt at ease with her parents, you know.
0:13:52 > 0:13:59Always had the impression they were looking down their noses at me, even after I'd become assistant manager.
0:13:59 > 0:14:06- Weren't they impressed?- Not a bit. It was quite a big branch too. I had my own partitioned cubicle.
0:14:06 > 0:14:14- Ooh! Did you?- Still, Jones and Mrs Fox won't be bothered with things like that, will they?
0:14:14 > 0:14:21Mrs Fox has asked me to go round and see her. If it's a question of advice, I shall be non-committal.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Let no man put asunder, eh, Wilson?
0:14:24 > 0:14:29Yes, quite right, sir. Marriage falls asunder quite easily anyway!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Oh, no. Not in my case.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I...I had a very happy marriage.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Very happy indeed.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45That's all.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Goodnight, sir. Goodnight.
0:14:51 > 0:14:57- DOORBELL RINGS - Come on in! It IS open - just give it a push!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Mrs Fox? Mrs FOX?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, hello, Captain Mainwaring.
0:15:09 > 0:15:15- My goodness, it's not six o'clock already, is it?- 6.02 to be precise.
0:15:15 > 0:15:21Oh, my clock's stopped again. I AM sorry. Make yourself at home. I won't be a second.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26I'll leave the door open so we can keep talking while I dress.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- I'll come back in five minutes. - Oh, no, no!
0:15:35 > 0:15:41- Please don't go - I'm perfectly decent underneath.- I'm quite sure.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- Please sit down. Please.- Very well.
0:15:43 > 0:15:49There. I hope you don't mind coming to my little nest.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52It's humble, but it's all mine.
0:16:03 > 0:16:09- I wanted a few moments alone with you before the others arrive. - The others? What others?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Mrs Pike and Mr Wilson.- Oh.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh, my goodness - I've got a catch.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Do you think that'll run?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22I don't know, I'm sure.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- Would you mind awfully if I didn't put them on?- Not in the least.
0:16:27 > 0:16:34Well, I don't like to see a lady with bare legs, and I think a ladder looks even more abandoned.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Don't you?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Yes, yes, I'm sure you're right.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44- I expect you're wondering what's on my mind.- Yes, I am.
0:16:45 > 0:16:52It's like this, Mr Mainwaring - I've always had what you might call a soft spot for you.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56And I've had a very high regard for you as well.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Oh, dear, I-I'm not expressing myself very well, am I?
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- Mr Mainwaring...- Yes.- You don't want me to beat about the bush, do you?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Well, I'm not quite sure.
0:17:12 > 0:17:19Well, you see, I haven't got a father. In fact, I've no male relations whatsoever.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- You wouldn't give me away, would you?- Wouldn't I?
0:17:25 > 0:17:32- At the wedding.- At the wedding! I see. Yes, of course, if you wish me to.- Mr Mainwaring!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Oh, you are a darling!
0:17:36 > 0:17:40You've no idea what a weight that is off my mind.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45Look, I think I'll go and come back when the others are due.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Coo-eee! Are you there? > - Oh, come in, Mrs Pike.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Come along in, Arthur. Come in, Frank.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- Good evening, Mrs Fox.- Mrs Fox. - Good evening, dear.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Take your hat off, Frank. Where are your manners?
0:18:01 > 0:18:06- You're early, Mr Mainwaring.- No - I was punctual for my appointment.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10Mr Mainwaring practically caught me in the bath!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13That's somewhat of an exaggeration.
0:18:13 > 0:18:20I hope you don't mind me bringing Frank. But we don't like to leave him on his own when there's a war on.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- Do we, Arthur?- Well, I don't know.
0:18:22 > 0:18:28Take your scarf off! ..There are so many funny people about. ..That's it.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Mum, what could funny people do to me if they found me alone in wartime?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Never you mind.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- FROM OUTSIDE: Mildred!- Come in, Jack.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Hello, everyone.- Oh, don't move!
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Don't move - I want to remember you just standing there.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Who, me?
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Isn't he lovely?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Sorry I'm late.- You're dead on time.
0:18:55 > 0:19:03- Mr Mainwaring was here first to help Mrs Fox out the bath.- It was quite innocent, wasn't it, Mr Mainwaring?
0:19:03 > 0:19:09- Totally innocent. - Well, now Jack's here, I think we can start. Please all sit down.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12MRS PIKE: Come and sit down, Arthur, and Frank.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Sit down, boy.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31What are you doing?!
0:19:33 > 0:19:38I'm very happy to announce that Mr Mainwaring is going to give me away.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Very nice! Frank! Give over, dear.
0:19:42 > 0:19:48- And Mrs Pike has kindly consented to be matron of honour. - And Mr Wilson's gonna be best man.
0:19:48 > 0:19:54- You're best man?- Yes.- Well, write everything down or you'll forget it.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- Naturally, we won't be having a white wedding.- Why not?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Cos there's a war on!
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Now, the bride and the matron of honour will be in turquoise.
0:20:07 > 0:20:14- What about the men? - I'm gonna be wearing my regimental regalia with medals.- Oh!
0:20:14 > 0:20:21- That's very nice! I think all the men should be in uniform.- With medals.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25I don't think that's a good idea at all.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30No, you see, cos Mr Mainwaring and me haven't got any medals, have we?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Arthur has.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41That's got nothing to do with it. I think people are tired of uniform.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Oh, I don't agree. Let's put it to the vote.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Now, hands up for uniform and medals.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Put your hand down, boy. You know no...
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Still seem to be out-voted.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Well, that's settled then. Now, the flowers.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07Mildred, can't you get out of the bath on your own?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Everything's in order - I've checked it myself.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17You can't rely on Wilson.
0:21:17 > 0:21:24- Hello, Napoleon. I'm off to the church. Everything under control? - Yes. I didn't know you were invited.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Course I am. I'm a friend of the bride.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34All the guests are ready in church - shouldn't Mr Jones be there as well?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- It's five to.- Is it so late? ..Jones!
0:21:42 > 0:21:46There's no sign of Mr Wilson yet, and I'm getting meself in a state.
0:21:46 > 0:21:53- Is it bad luck when the best man doesn't turn up?- Damned inconvenient! You'd better get to the church.
0:21:53 > 0:21:59He was ready when I left. He was rude to Mum, so she's had to put him in his place.
0:21:59 > 0:22:06The bride will be here any second - we don't want you meeting. No, we don't!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08That IS a bad omen! That IS...
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Mr Jones, the church! Oh, yes, right.
0:22:13 > 0:22:19- Remember! A clear understanding - no confetti!- We understand, thank you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I'm terribly sorry if I'm a little bit late.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28I should jolly well think you are! Where have you bee...
0:22:35 > 0:22:42- What's all this?- I'm sorry, but you see, Mavis, Mrs Pike insisted - it's my uniform from the First World War.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45She found it in an old tin trunk.
0:22:45 > 0:22:52- It looks ridiculous. - Yes. I wouldn't have put it on, but she'd hidden my trousers.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- An officer's uniform? - That's right - I WAS an officer.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01- You never told me.- Well, you didn't ASK me. Anyway, it was unimportant.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- These pips denote a captain. - I WAS a captain.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Well, I'm blessed! Doesn't count for anything now, you know.
0:23:11 > 0:23:18- < Coo-ee! Mr Mainwaring?- You'd better go to church. Try not to make a fool of yourself.- All right, sir.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, you DO look a pretty pair!
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Thank you.- What a lovely bride you make, Mrs Fox.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34- Oh, won't be Mrs Fox much longer! - No. No, indeed it won't.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39- Right, well, we're ready when you are, Vicar.- Off we go, then!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Remember, I want a solemn undertaking - no confetti!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Oh, COME ON!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Will you take my arm, Mrs Fox?
0:23:55 > 0:24:00Mr Mainwaring, I think I'm going to cry!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Oh, DO try not to.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06ORGAN PLAYS BRIDAL MARCH
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Here they come!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19CHEERS
0:24:20 > 0:24:23No confetti! No confetti!
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I'm gonna throw confetti, so ya boo sucks to you!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Here!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38 I thought you said no confetti!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I DID enjoy that! So did I.
0:24:43 > 0:24:49Ach, it's a pagan ceremony, and in their case I should have thought, a complete waste of time.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Captain! The Colonel's been on the phone, sir -
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- he wants the platoon on 30-minute- standby. Thank you.
0:24:57 > 0:25:02- Hear that? 30-minute standby - something's afoot.- We're all here.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06We'll keep it under our hats, but we ought to push things along.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- Start the speeches - keep yours short...and don't get drunk.- What?
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Have one of these, Miss Godfrey - it's cider.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20I hope it won't make us tipsy. No. Here's to the bride and groom.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Probably YOUR turn next, Mr Godfrey!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Charles NEARLY got married, didn't you?- I wanted to.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32It would never have done - her parents live in a bungalow!
0:25:33 > 0:25:38- She married a farmer. I see her from time to time.- Do you?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- She's a widow now.- Is she?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Have another one, Miss Godfrey.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46May I have your attention, please?
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Pray silence for Captain Mainwaring, who is acting as the bride's father.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Ladies and gentlemen,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Jack and...ba...the...uh...Mildred.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- I'm not going to make a long speech. - Good.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12I've known Jack...many years.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- And he's the salt of the earth. - Hear, hear!- Yes.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20He's loyal, he's brave, and he's very kind.
0:26:20 > 0:26:26And I have no hesitation saying to you, M...uh...Mildred,
0:26:26 > 0:26:33- he's the first man to turn to in any sort of trouble. - She's not in trouble, Captain!
0:26:36 > 0:26:43I wish you both the very best of luck, and may you be as happy as I have been with my own dear wife,
0:26:43 > 0:26:50- who sadly can't be with us this afternoon.- Where is she, then? - Staying with her sister.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jack and...and Mildred.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57ALL: Jack and Mildred!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Speech! > ALL: Speech!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03YOU've got to give the speech! YOU!
0:27:03 > 0:27:10Oh, oh. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank Captain Mainwaring for saying all those kind things.
0:27:10 > 0:27:15And also for standing in as the bride's father, which he isn't.
0:27:16 > 0:27:23Thank you for coming along, and good health, everyone! ALL: Good health! Good luck!
0:27:24 > 0:27:29- Your turn, now.- What?- Keep it short. - But I don't have to speak at all.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Yes, you do. You have to toast the matron of honour.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38Ladies and gentlemen, Mr...Captain...Sergeant Wilson...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- ..will now say a few words.- Right.
0:27:42 > 0:27:49Thank you. It's my pleasure to propose the toast of the bridesmaid, the matron of honour, I should say,
0:27:49 > 0:27:54a lady whom I've known for a considerable number of years.
0:27:57 > 0:28:03You are one of that happy band of women who give out so much affection
0:28:03 > 0:28:07and love, which you don't always get in return.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13Anyway, I think that hat you're wearing is very pretty - I like it.
0:28:13 > 0:28:20Anyway, I'd like to propose now the health of the matron of honour.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23ALL: Matron of honour!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26We haven't cut the cake - whatever next?!
0:28:26 > 0:28:31We'd forget our heads if they weren't screwed on. Where's my bayonet?
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Captain - the colonel again. He wants to speak to you.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Come along, gather round.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41CHATTER
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- Now, here we go!- No, no, no, no!
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Oh, no - that's only cardboard!
0:28:57 > 0:29:00There IS a war on, you know!
0:29:01 > 0:29:07- Hello, sir. Mainwaring here.- Ah. Everthing's a bit confused here.
0:29:07 > 0:29:12- But all units are standing by. - Good Lord! Has the balloon gone up?
0:29:12 > 0:29:18Not yet, but barges are moving off the coast and the weather's right, so we can't take chances.
0:29:18 > 0:29:24- Right, sir, I'll put my men at action stations.- Good luck. - Thank you, sir.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27CHATTER
0:29:30 > 0:29:33Ladies and gentlemen, order, please.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37- KNOCKS ON TABLE - May I have your attention a moment?
0:29:37 > 0:29:44There's no cause for alarm, but I want members of the Home Guard to parade outside immediately, please.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48- WOMEN GROAN - Quickly as you can.
0:29:48 > 0:29:55- Pick up your rifles on the way. - What's going on, Napoleon?- Contact your HQ - there's an invasion alert.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58# There'll always be an England
0:29:58 > 0:30:04# While there's a country lane... #
0:30:05 > 0:30:11Bet you didn't think you were gonna spend your wedding night with me, did you, Mr Jones?
0:30:11 > 0:30:14No, I did not, Pikey.
0:30:14 > 0:30:18You were going to the Esplanade Hotel, Eastgate, weren't you?
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Yeah. Never mind - duty comes first.
0:30:22 > 0:30:26I wonder if they'll give me the deposit back on the room.
0:30:27 > 0:30:32HALT! Who goes there?
0:30:30 > 0:30:32It's me - Mrs Jones.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35Mrs Jones? I dunno no Mrs Jones.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37It's me, Jack! Me!
0:30:37 > 0:30:41Oh! Mrs Jones, the butcher's wife!
0:30:41 > 0:30:45- I thought I'd come and sit with you a while.- Good idea.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48Here, Pikey, you keep a good lookout,
0:30:48 > 0:30:53and me and the missus will sit down and have a nice little chat.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55And a nice little cuddle and all!
0:30:55 > 0:31:00Oh, nothing like that, Pikey! Come on, my precious.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06Oh, Jack!
0:31:07 > 0:31:12When this is all over, Jack, can we go and live in a little cottage?
0:31:12 > 0:31:15Yes, with roses round the door.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19Oh, yes! And a big fridge in the kitchen.
0:31:20 > 0:31:25- What d'you want a big fridge for?- To keep all the big joints of meat in.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29- After the war. - Oh, yes. After the war!
0:31:29 > 0:31:34Not that we won't have a joint or two before then, of course!
0:31:38 > 0:31:42- 'ALT! Who goes there? - All right. Well done. Only us.
0:31:42 > 0:31:47- Any sign of anything?- No, it's ever so quiet.- Where's Corporal Jones?
0:31:47 > 0:31:51Where he should be on his wedding night - with his bride!
0:31:54 > 0:31:57You stupid boy!
0:31:57 > 0:32:04Here I am, Captain. I've been having a chat with the wife. I kept ever so alert though. I've sent her home.
0:32:04 > 0:32:09All right. We found some champagne - we thought we'd drink your health.
0:32:09 > 0:32:13- Hand out the glasses. - I haven't brought any.
0:32:14 > 0:32:21- What's the good of champagne without glasses?- I thought you'd bring them. - Where would I find glasses?- Well...
0:32:21 > 0:32:26There's a couple of mugs I brought for our cocoa.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31- GODFREY: I've got my medicine glass. - That'll do, then. Pour it.- Right.
0:32:31 > 0:32:39- There we are - gently.- Keep a good lookout over the sea, boy. You're too young for champagne anyway.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Hello, what are you lot doing here?
0:32:43 > 0:32:47In case you'd forgotten, there's an invasion alert on.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51It was a false alarm! Stand-down was half an hour ago.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55- Hitler won't be joining us? - Just as well, with YOU guarding us!
0:32:55 > 0:33:02- What does that mean? - Well, I mean, look at you! What good would you be against REAL soldiers?
0:33:02 > 0:33:06Cor - oh, dear! They'd walk straight through you!
0:33:06 > 0:33:09Goodnight.
0:33:11 > 0:33:16- Here, he's no business...- All right. Don't take any notice of him, men.
0:33:16 > 0:33:21- Here's to your future health.- Yes, here's to you, Jonesy.- Good luck!
0:33:21 > 0:33:29- Mr Mainwaring? Warden wasn't right, was he, when he said they would walk straight through us?- Of course not!
0:33:29 > 0:33:36I know one thing - they're not walking straight through me! Nor me! I'll be beside you, Jonesy!
0:33:36 > 0:33:41We'll all be beside you. We'll stick together - you can rely on that.
0:33:41 > 0:33:48If anybody tries to take our homes or our freedom away, they'll find out what we can do - we'll fight.
0:33:48 > 0:33:54- We're not alone - there are thousands all over England. - And Scotland.- And Scotland.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Across Great Britain. Men standing together.
0:33:58 > 0:34:03Excuse me, sir, wouldn't it be a nice idea to pay tribute to them?
0:34:03 > 0:34:09For once, Wilson, I agree with you. To Britain's Home Guard!
0:34:11 > 0:34:14ALL: To Britain's Home Guard!