0:00:02 > 0:00:04- I now sentence you to 12 years. - Objection. What?
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Too long?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08I always knew she was a bad egg.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13You are going to be stuck in here for a very, very long time.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15You are washing your girlfriend's flaps under Topdog's
0:00:15 > 0:00:17favourite showerhead, bitch.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20I am like a horse whisperer...
0:00:20 > 0:00:22for women.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I mean, it's not an address that makes much sense to me.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Helen, I will literally bend over backwards
0:00:28 > 0:00:29to get you out of this hellhole.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Aaarrgh!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53'Dear Maurice.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56'Thanks so much for your last postcard from Death Row.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59'In answer to your question, yes, but we call them knickers
0:00:59 > 0:01:02'over here and no, we're not allowed lace, but that's
0:01:02 > 0:01:05'for laundering reasons as much as anything. It's my fourth week
0:01:05 > 0:01:08'here in Broadmarsh and whatever novelty value there was
0:01:08 > 0:01:11'in being falsely imprisoned for murdering my boss is wearing off.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13'Although, saying that there is
0:01:13 > 0:01:17'the annual quiz this week which is a highlight of the prison calendar.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19'They seem to take it pretty seriously.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25'The good news is I've found someone on the outside
0:01:25 > 0:01:27'who's willing to help me - Henry Keating.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30'Who'd have thought some bloke from my office who I
0:01:30 > 0:01:32'never even registered would be my knight in shining armour?'
0:01:32 > 0:01:34ZIPPER UNFASTENS
0:01:34 > 0:01:36'I just hope I can repay him one day.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38'I've not heard from my sister, Laura, in a while
0:01:38 > 0:01:42'but I guess it's reassuring to know she's taking care of my flat and dog
0:01:42 > 0:01:45'and all my stuff while I'm in prison. Oh, and about
0:01:45 > 0:01:48'the conjugal visit you suggested - I think you need to be married,
0:01:48 > 0:01:50'or at least going steady...' Are you OK?
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Are you having a heart attack? - Huh? Yeah, no, I'm great.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Wait, where are the exits in here?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Is it just those two?- What?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Somebody say Tony? I swear I heard someone say Tony.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Are you sure you're OK?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- OK, well let's get down to business.- I'm off the case.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- What?- Sorry, Helen, but I will not be continuing my investigations
0:02:11 > 0:02:14into the Entirely Tiles murder case.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18(EXAGGERATED TONES) Tony Norman is no longer associated
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- with Helen Stephens and her murder. - What are you doing?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Is this about the money? Because my parents
0:02:23 > 0:02:25re-mortgaged their gite to pay you.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- It's got nothing to do with the money.- Tony, I paid you
0:02:28 > 0:02:30to work on my case. If you're not going to get me out of here,
0:02:30 > 0:02:31I want that money back!
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Yes, and I will immediately pay back every penny of that money
0:02:35 > 0:02:37with a simple payment plan.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40And then, by February 2016,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43we can draw a line under all of this.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Now, if you don't mind, Helen,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48I'm washing my hands of this whole grubby affair.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Good day to you.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55And that was the last he ever saw of her.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57You wait until my parents hear about this.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02Nobody messes with the Stephenses-es!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Rat.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I was wondering if you had any job vacancies?
0:03:23 > 0:03:24All right...
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Well, then, do you have anything reduced to clear?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Or anything in your bins that's still OK to eat?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33I'll show you a boob.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39You were supposed to distract him!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43We need to get a job.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Maybe think of this as an opportunity, Helen.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I mean, now you don't have a lawyer or any hope of getting out,
0:03:50 > 0:03:54you can really go for it with this whole prison thing.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I've written a poem, actually,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00about how I see our friendship developing over the next 12 years.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Unless one of us gets out. Or is sectioned.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06You killed a man.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07You killed a man.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Killed a man, killed a man. You killed a man and...
0:04:10 > 0:04:11I didn't kill a man.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Hang on. I hadn't got to the refrain.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- You killed a man, and then... - Christine, look.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19You are my best friend in here...
0:04:19 > 0:04:20"In here"?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Oh, God, Helen.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Never have the words "in here" been so cruelly used.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29No, and your friendship is important to me
0:04:29 > 0:04:33but what is more important right now is that I get out of here.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I didn't kill Eric Bridges! I...
0:04:39 > 0:04:41What was that for?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45I don't even know! But that was obviously our first fight.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Oh, Helen!
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Try not to think of your time here as a 12-year stretch, OK?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Look after the days and the sentence will look after itself.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Think, "What have I got to look forward to today?"
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I'm quite looking forward to my shower.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I've got a new bottle of shower gel from Big Mags
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- for helping her write that abusive letter to Vernon Kaye.- That's it!
0:05:11 > 0:05:16And then there's the quiz! There's really good prizes this year.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Third prize is a box of Family Circle biscuits.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Second prize is one of those big bottles of Tresseme hair conditioner,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25fingers crossed I get that,
0:05:25 > 0:05:27and first prize is five years off your sentence.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Five years off?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Is this a misprint, Ma'am?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Last year's first prize was two litres of Pepsi Max.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42The ministry want us to cut the prison population by 2%.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Now, we could judge each case on its merits
0:05:45 > 0:05:48but we know how bad paperwork is for my morale
0:05:48 > 0:05:52so I thought, why not just up the stakes in this year's prison quiz
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and let them win their right to freedom with trivial knowledge?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Are you sure you're allowed to do that?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Ma'am knows best. I think it's a smashing idea.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I shall have my quizmaster suit dry-cleaned.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- That won't be necessary, Tim. Frank will do it this year.- What?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Why?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Why?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Why, why, why, why?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Because I nut-sucking well said so!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Five years off your sentence?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21For first prize? If I get five years off my sentence,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I could be out of here by the time I'm 42.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28I could still have a family at 42, Christine. Look at Sam Taylor-Wood!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31She had the sperms of a teenager to work with, but still...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Helen. Forget about it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35There are some really clever women in here.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Chantelle on B Wing can speak two languages - English AND Patois.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Yeah, well, I studied Geography at Loughborough University,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- so if you want to talk glacial moraine, bring it on. - Who the flop's Glacial Moraine?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Oh, it's a geography term for...
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Did I ask you?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Uh...yeah, you did ask me, actually.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Actually? Did you actually think that, actually?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Who do you actually think you are, Brainy?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Nobody! I never said I was anyone, did I?
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Do you know what I'm in here for?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Fly-tipping?- That's right.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10But that was 14 years ago. Do you know why I'm still in here?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12No, I don't know why you're...
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Cos I sporked someone's throat out with one of these.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19So next time you actually think I actually asked you a question,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I'm going to blatantly kill you.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Actually, that really hurts, actually.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28And you can forget about trying to win this quiz, right,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30cos Fatty here is on the case.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33She's going to get us a little preview of the questions.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Laters, bell-ends.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58What are you doing in Mr Bridges' office?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Um... I've... Well, I've been promoted.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Who promoted you?- I promoted myself?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Give me a promotion, then.- I can't.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I was the last of the promotions.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- What's that on your rucksack?- What?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Oh, God. It's just some...some glue that hasn't... Don't touch it!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Got it on your trousers as well. - Oh, God!
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- And there's some on the keyboard. - What can I do for you, Mary?
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I was looking for this. I'm starting up the lottery syndicate again.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Really? Why?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Our boss was murdered in this very office, Mary.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Lady Luck isn't exactly smiling at us.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43And anyway, the syndicate was Helen's thing
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- and as she's not here to do it... - Not exactly rocket science, is it?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49If that wetwipe Stephens can do a collection,
0:08:49 > 0:08:53I think I'm more than capable. It's what Eric would have wanted.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Hmm.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Let me muse on this, Mary.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I'm not sure that it's a good idea
0:09:03 > 0:09:05and also I think...
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Hi. Um, I'm Laura Stephens. Helen's sister.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I was wondering if her job was still going.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15You've got some glue on your cuff.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18What does Frank know about quizmastery?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21It's all about suspense, theatre, drama. You've got to be a showman.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- I am a showman. Look.- All right, what's the capital of Finland?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Greece.- See? No panache. You should say it like this -
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"The answer is...Greece!"
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- No, it's not Greece, it's Helsinki. "The answer is...Helsinki."- Tim.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36You're off the quiz. Frank, it's yours now.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46I'm going to close this door and count to three.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50And when I open it again, you had better not be there.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03We can still aim for second prize.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I've only ever been about getting that magnum of conditioner anyway.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08No, screw that, Christine.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11As the poster on my dentist's ceiling used to say,
0:10:11 > 0:10:13"Pain is only temporary, but victory
0:10:13 > 0:10:15"and porcelain molar caps are forever."
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I want to take this all the way. We need to win this!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I am 100% all over that with a rash.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I admire your U-turn. Let's do this!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- OK. What you swotting up on? - Everything! Lucky dip! Test me?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Uh... What is the capital...
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Henry VIII!- You need to wait until the end of the question.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37No! You don't understand, Helen. Nobody waits. Ask me another.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- OK, what is... - Potassium Permanganate?- Er...
0:10:39 > 0:10:41This is going to be great. Ask me another.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Hang on.- 'Hello, Entirely Tiles. Can I help you?'
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Hi, Can I speak to Henry Keating, please?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I'm afraid Mr Keating's in a meeting. Can I take a message?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Oh, yeah, OK. Can you tell him that, um...
0:10:52 > 0:10:55that Helen from, uh, prison called?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Certainly. Which prison shall I say? - Laura?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Hi, Helen.- What are you doing there?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- I work here now.- Doing what?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Well, luckily, there was a recent vacancy at the office
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- so it looks like I'm doing your job. - My job? How could you do my job?
0:11:10 > 0:11:12You got fired from a trial day at Knickerbox.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Shut up. I'm brilliant at it. It's taking me a while to work it all out
0:11:15 > 0:11:19but I've finally got the hang of this shredder. Anyway, how's things?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21God, it must be nice living in Fulham.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24I'm in a prison, Laura.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Still, location, location, location.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Oh, wait, here's Henry. Henry's here.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Henry! It's Helen! From prison!
0:11:33 > 0:11:34I'll take it in my office.
0:11:42 > 0:11:47Hello. Henry Keating, Acting MD, Entirely Tiles.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Hi, Henry. Listen, I'm nearly out of credit
0:11:50 > 0:11:52but my lawyer, Tony, is off my case now...
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- Oh, no! Poor you.- No, no, I've decided it's a good thing.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Really, I'm better off without him.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00He was never going to get me out of here.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01'So, you're saying...'
0:12:01 > 0:12:05if Tony Norman came back on your case
0:12:05 > 0:12:07you don't think you'd ever get out of prison?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Exactly. I need a new lawyer.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- I'm on it like a bonnet.- Have you managed to find out anything
0:12:13 > 0:12:16about the address I gave you? Mashta Fembwick...
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- It's too noisy to talk. - Come on, Henry!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I'll come and see you. OK? I'll come and see you, Helen.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Helen? I'm going to come and see you. - 'Henry, listen,'
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I'm nearly out of credit...d'ohhhh!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Helen!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37These are my friends Terri, Melissa and Pamela.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Girls, this is Helen, my bunk buddy.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Pleased to meet you.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- How do you know each other? - We all went to Cambridge together.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47And Christine's on the same toilet-cleaning rota as us.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49True story.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Wow.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I don't suppose you happen to know who the fifth president
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- of the United States was? - James Monroe, of course.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03So he probably was.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20So, how are you coping with your sister being in prison?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Well, I'm just trying to keep busy, taking care of Helen's flat,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27taking care of her job and her stuff and her friends
0:13:27 > 0:13:29and that dog rat thing.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32It's a full time job being Helen. My life is no longer my own.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36You know if there's anything I can do to help, anything at all,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38you sound incredibly busy,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42I'm more than happy to take some of the strain of visiting Helen off you?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44You know, more...permanently.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Really? I mean if you're sure.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Because there is actually Helen's friend Sandy's party on Wednesday,
0:13:49 > 0:13:51which I'm going to be representing Helen at...
0:13:51 > 0:13:53It's really no problem.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57I mean, she's trapped in there, isn't she?
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Like a little rabbit in a snare, totally dependent on me...us!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Just stuck, captive.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I want to care for that little rabbit.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11She doesn't know how bloody lucky she is.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Maybe in 12 years time, if she gets out, she'll thank us.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19# For she's a jolly good fellow For she's a jolly good fellow
0:14:19 > 0:14:23# For she's a jolly good fellow
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# And so say all of us... #
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Oh, sir, sir? Can I give you one of these?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Now, you'll notice I've got a van. I'm off the case, OK?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45OK. Huddle.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- I suppose you're wondering why I've brought you...- For the quiz team?
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Yeah...can I just...?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I think we could go all the way in this quiz.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08We are potentially an elite fighting force of trivia.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- What is your specialist knowledge? - Moraine.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14And Jennifer Aniston.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Hey, guys! Why didn't you tell me we were having a Quiz meeting?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Christine, can you just...?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Keep your voice down.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Why would you have a quiz meeting without me?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- I thought we were a team, Helen. - We are, it's just...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30If this is about me thinking Kevin Keegan was a politician, then...
0:15:30 > 0:15:35No, it's not. It's just... you need a specialist subject.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I've got one. Trivia.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39You're in the team, OK? You've made the team,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43it's just...we just need to work out how best to use you.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47I mean, rather than you getting bogged down answering questions
0:15:47 > 0:15:51we need some sort of maverick to bolster the team's confidence.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- What, like a mascot? - Well no, not a mascot...
0:15:53 > 0:15:57That is the best idea ever! I've wanted to be a mascot all my life!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I'm going to go find myself a costume!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Oh Mary, can I put in for the lottery syndicate?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18It's for permanent staff only.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20In that case, let me grab my tin!
0:16:30 > 0:16:35- One, two, four, six, 7p. You take euros, Mary?- Mmm.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48So...
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Fatty got sprung nicking the questions.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Right, Plan B.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56We'll have to go legit on this.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Put a team together, win the old fashioned way.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02But we ain't even got enough for a team now Fatty's in solitary.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05You got an hour to find the smartest bitch in 'ere,
0:17:05 > 0:17:09and sign them up to team We Thought It Was A Disco.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Cos if you don't, you'll all be joining Fatty in solitary.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Then it won't be solitary.- Get out!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20"Alaska became the 49th US state in what year?"
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Terri, E Wing.- 1959.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25'59! Beat me to it!
0:17:26 > 0:17:29"Where would you find Harris, Lewis and Benbecula?"
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Melissa, E Wing.- The Outer Hebrides.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35..Hebrides! When are the tough questions coming? Come on!
0:17:35 > 0:17:38"Who was voted the GQ Sexiest Woman of All Time in 2011?"
0:17:38 > 0:17:40- Stevens, P Wing.- Jennifer Aniston!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42ALL: A-agh! Yes!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Oi, Brainy!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I want a word with you.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Keep doing the...
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Pretty impressive answer back there. You want to keep it up tonight.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Yeah, well that's the plan... - Cos you're on Top Dog's team now.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02She wants to win this thing.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05What? No, I thought she had another plan.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Whatever. We need a Plan B, Brainy.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09And that Plan B is now you.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Plan B is...Plan U?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15No. You is Plan B...
0:18:17 > 0:18:18..see?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Plan C?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49SHOUTING AND CLAPPING
0:18:54 > 0:18:57You're looking sexy, Miss!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Try me. Cos I'm this close.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I'm counting on you, Brainy.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09If Top Dog don't get five years off her sentence,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11you're going to wish you never got sent to prison.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14I already wish I never got sent to prison.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17That's right.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Ladies and semi-ladies.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Welcome to the 7th Annual Broadmarsh Quiz.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31CHEERING AND SHOUTING
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Let's keep it a good, clean competition so no fag-ending,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38cheating or phlegm-based spit.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Question number one...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46HE SNORTS
0:19:48 > 0:19:49OK...
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Excuse me.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02What does that say?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Bacteriologist.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Bacteriologist... - LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Excuse me. - MOANS AND GROANS
0:20:13 > 0:20:15And that...and that word?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Penicillin.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Penicillin. And that word there?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20It's a question mark!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Um, you know, I can't really read.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25SHOUTING AND BANGING
0:20:57 > 0:20:59A-agh!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Hello, Tony.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Question number 12.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Who is the patron saint of laundry workers?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16That's the patron saint of laundry workers?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Question 13. What is a Sirocco?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29I'll say that again. A Sirocco.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Question 14.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Trevor Tapis killed at least 15 victims.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47But how many of them were women?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I could text him.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52That's...
0:21:52 > 0:21:56How many women were killed
0:21:56 > 0:22:00by the Dentist of Death, Trevor Tapis?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04And finally, where would one find terminal moraine?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08That's terminal moraine.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17No, stop writing, Debbie.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19You tell Top Dog we have so flippin' won this shit!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22You know what I'm going to do with my five years off?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Join the Sainsbury's management training scheme.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Five years time, I'm going to be managing Guildford Branch.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32CHEERING AND SHOUTING
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Lennie says, "First Prize, here we come."
0:22:38 > 0:22:40You're getting out of here, boss.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45Funny, innit? You haven't left your cell in nine years
0:22:45 > 0:22:46and now you're getting out.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51Yeah, it is funny, innit, yeah. Ha-ha-ha! I'm laughing! Ha-ha-ha!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Ha-ha-ha...shut up!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01BIRD TWEETS
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Shut up.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07BIRD FLIES AWAY
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- Do I know you?- Let's just say I'm a friend of Helen Stephens.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Oh right?
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Helen tells me you're off the case.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- If this is about the money... - This isn't about the money!
0:23:17 > 0:23:18I've spent it, anyway.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Cos you're staying on the case.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Are you threatening me on the case?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Because I've already been threatened off the case.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I'm damned if I'm going to be threatened back on the case.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I've been getting to know all about you, Tony.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's been interesting.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36I know for example that you're a lawyer
0:23:36 > 0:23:39with a penchant for booze and horses.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43No? Not biting? OK.
0:23:43 > 0:23:49I also know you're a lawyer with a penchant for your knees.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55And question number 13, unlucky for some,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58what is a Sirocco?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00It's a wind!
0:24:00 > 0:24:01What the...?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04You said it was a hangover cure, you dick!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07And question number 14...
0:24:07 > 0:24:12Trevor Tapis killed at least 15 victims.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14How many of them were women?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16This was a trick question,
0:24:16 > 0:24:22because he did stab Elsa Tilson 23 times in the chest but she survived.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25So the answer is none.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28That's none women.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Lying prick.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33And question 15, where would one find terminal moraine?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35That's the big moraine question,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37"Where would one find terminal moraine?"
0:24:37 > 0:24:39And the answer is...
0:24:39 > 0:24:42"..in the snout of a glacier."
0:24:42 > 0:24:44OTHER TEAM: Yes! Yes!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46What? That's weird. The snout of the...
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I thought it was a glacial lake.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51That's it. We flopped it. Did we even get one right?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Now, before I actually announce the winners,
0:24:53 > 0:24:58I'd like to give a special mention to We Thought It Was A Disco,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01who not only managed to come last
0:25:01 > 0:25:05but also to score 'none points'.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09- DERISIVE LAUGHTER - Bagsy not breaking this to Top Dog.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Shut it!
0:25:12 > 0:25:16In third place with two points it's Fo' Shizzle My Quizzle.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:21 > 0:25:27In second place with 13 points, it's Quiz Team Bleakley.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:39 > 0:25:43But in first place with a full 15 points...
0:25:43 > 0:25:45it's Smarty Pints.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Congratulations, you've won five years off your sentence,
0:25:49 > 0:25:52which may be split, fairly or unfairly,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55amongst the team. Well done.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Yes...
0:25:59 > 0:26:02This is great. What a buzz!
0:26:02 > 0:26:07I'm actually released next week, but the guys here have confirmed
0:26:07 > 0:26:11that I can use this prize in lieu of when I kill again.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- Yes!- Yes!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:29 > 0:26:31I might have known you'd let me down on the brains front.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You always were a D+ kind of girl.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36It wasn't my fault. They were relying on me too much.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I had to answer every single question!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40How many'd you get right?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43None, but if some of the others had even answered some of them
0:26:43 > 0:26:45there would have been a lot more.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Slasher doesn't even know how to use a pencil!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Except as a weapon.- R-rr!- Hey!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Shut it!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I've had just about enough of you. All of you.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56I ask you one simple thing.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Win me five years off my sentence in a general knowledge quiz.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02And can any of you do that?
0:27:03 > 0:27:08I need to think this through. Slasher, get my Dolphin CD.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10The rest of you, get out.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34BIRD TWEETS
0:27:34 > 0:27:36'Dear Maurice, thank you for your postcard.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39'And especially thank you for your latest drawing.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42'You captured a good likeness of what I'd look like bending over.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46'Next time I'd love to see how good you are at drawing trousers.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48'I can't bear to think about
0:27:48 > 0:27:50'everything I'm missing on the outside world.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52'Shortly after I was sentenced,
0:27:52 > 0:27:54'a new Haagen Daz opened on my high street.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56'Will it still be there on my release?
0:27:56 > 0:28:00'12 years is a long time in the luxury ice cream trade.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03'I've begun to think my only hope is Henry Keating.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05'I pray he can help me.'
0:28:05 > 0:28:08I'll get to the bottom of this, Bridges.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15What did you see that night?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Oh, if only African butterfly fish could talk.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21What the hell are you doing?
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Mrs Bridges!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Yeah, that's right.
0:28:31 > 0:28:36Now what's all this I hear about you visiting my husband's killer?
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd