0:00:02 > 0:00:04- I now sentence you to 12 years. - Objection!
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Too long?
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I didn't kill Eric Bridges!
0:00:08 > 0:00:14Tony Norman is no longer associated with Helen Stephens and her murder.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17- Laura? What are you doing there? - I work here now.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23You'll be joining Fatty in solitary.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- Then it won't be solitary.- Get out!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29I'm damned if I'm going to be thrown back on the case.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33I'm starting up the lottery syndicate again.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37- Mrs Bridges!- Yeah, that's right.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56# Good luck, goodbye
0:00:56 > 0:00:58# God bless you on your way
0:00:58 > 0:00:59# Good luck, goodbye
0:00:59 > 0:01:01# That's all we have to say. #
0:01:01 > 0:01:03"Dear Maurice, what a relief to receive your postcard
0:01:03 > 0:01:06"from Death Row. I was fearing the worst.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09"Coincidentally, my last pen pal was also electrocuted,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12"but that's because her kite got caught in a pylon.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14"At least I think that's the translation.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16"My Spanish was quite limited.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19"Anyway, I'm afraid my news is of little cheer.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24"I'm still denied my basic human rights of freedom, dignity,
0:01:24 > 0:01:26"and decent quality hair straighteners.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29"Each day I think of all I'm missing on the outside world
0:01:29 > 0:01:31"as I watch another prisoner walk free."
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Yeah, that's it, just go! Go see your family!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You tell them what we did to each other every Tuesday for four years.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Tell me that didn't mean anything!
0:01:40 > 0:01:44I can still taste you! I can still taste you!
0:01:44 > 0:01:48"I've always thought Miley Cyrus has an exceptionally punchable face,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51"but she absolutely nailed it when she sang that thing about, you know,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53"getting through it all and stuff.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55"Which is something I need to remember since my fiance
0:01:55 > 0:01:57"and bloody alibi Justin is still missing,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00"and my lawyer's announced he's now off my case.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02"But to be honest, good riddance."
0:02:02 > 0:02:06What do you mean, you've been threatened back on the case?
0:02:06 > 0:02:07It doesn't matter.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12What matters is that it was the kick up the arse I needed.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16FFS, Tony! No, really.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19One minute you're on the case and then you're off the case.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Anyway, I've done what I should've done a long time ago -
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I've applied for legal aid.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Forget it, Helen. I'm back on the case.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- No, you're not.- Yes, I am!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- You can't represent me against my will.- Yes, I bloody can.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Get off my case, Tony. I said, get off it.- No!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Oh, is that Justin?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Yes! I'm back on the case! - Do whatever you want
0:02:39 > 0:02:42but as far as I'm concerned, Tony, you're my ex-lawyer.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Look, I think we both know we could have done a lot of stuff
0:02:46 > 0:02:48better the first time. I mean,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51that's the beauty of the appeal process, isn't it?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Second chances all round!
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Let it be known that Tony Norman, Helen Stephens's lawyer,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01is back on the case.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Do you mind if I take this for my stepson? Thanks.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Get a wriggle on, Russell. Chop chop! The van's waiting, yeah.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26- Oh, are you going now? - I'm not going to cry.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Stop blubbing. It's well unattractive.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32It's only a week. You are going to love Germany.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Think of all the prisoners the Governor could have picked for the prison exchange.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40You're like an ambassador for British... sociopaths!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45Oh, Helly, I'm going to miss you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Are you going to miss me? - Yeah.- Really?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Course.- Are you sure? - Of course I'll miss you.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- Say it.- I'll miss you.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Say it with my name.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56I'll miss you, Christine.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Really?- Oh, let's wrap this up.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I'll bring you back a sausage.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06The cell will be empty without you!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09It won't. It's a prison exchange, we get one in return.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12That's how an exchange works, you stupid cow.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16You'll be babysitting Mrs Gertrude Wermers,
0:04:16 > 0:04:2043-year-old widowed cannibal.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29Oh, and Stephens, keep your toes tucked in bed tonight. Otherwise...
0:04:29 > 0:04:33HANNIBAL LECTER-STYLE SLURPING
0:04:36 > 0:04:39She's rather shy. This is her first time away from the Mutterland
0:04:39 > 0:04:43and understandably, she's a little wary.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Moechtest du ping-pong spielen?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- Nein.- Ping-pong?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- Nein.- Ping-pong?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Ja?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I was asking her if she likes to play ping-pong, which naturally she does.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Ich sagte nein.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Stephens, I want you to give her a tour of the wing,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02point out the views, show her where she can get a souvenir tattoo done,
0:05:02 > 0:05:07that sort of thing, give her a taste of the Great British Penal system.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Britain welcomes... German cannibals.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Do you want to pop off and get processed?
0:05:23 > 0:05:27We have a very good relationship with our German counterparts
0:05:27 > 0:05:28at Wassenburg Prison.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Wouldn't want to screw that up.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34So if anything happens to Gertrude, and I mean anything,
0:05:34 > 0:05:39your legal aid application will be carefully filed away.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Oh!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05So, this is the place I like to call my prison cell.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Mea casa, tua casa. Is that German?
0:06:08 > 0:06:13- Er...mein kampf is your kampf. - Is this some kind of joke?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16In Germany, we have shower cubicles bigger than this.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Hang on, I thought you didn't speak English?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22We are not lazy with our languages like you Brits.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I speak Irish, actually,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27and I know most of the words to that song, Encore Une Fois, so...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- I'm going to lie down now. - That's my bunk.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Listen, lady, I don't know how to say this without
0:06:35 > 0:06:37sounding like I'm up my own asshole
0:06:37 > 0:06:40but in Germany, I'm kind of a big deal.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I've had seven crime books written about me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46They weren't that accurate, but the photos were flattering.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I'm, like, totally infamous.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51So if I say I'm going to lie on that bunk,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53then that is what is going to happen.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Really? Well, I don't know how to say this either,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00but in this cell, I'm kind of a big deal.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02So why don't you do us all a favour
0:07:02 > 0:07:05and get on the bunk that has been allocated to you as our guest!
0:07:05 > 0:07:10What's all the racket here? Oh, my God.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Officer Timothy Debben. You must be...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Ich heisse Gertrude Wermers.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22FRENCH ACCENT: Good Moaning. Pleasure to meet you.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Do you speak English?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Manchester United?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30That's adorable.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Well, Helen, I think you should do exactly what Gertrude wants.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34We are her hosts, after all,
0:07:34 > 0:07:39and I shall see you in the canteen for some lunch, maybe?
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Do svidanya. For now.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Why didn't you speak to him in English?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52In German prison, we have two rules.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55With authority, keep your head down and your mouth shut.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58With your girlfriend, keep your head down and your mouth open. Ha ha, joke.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Now, if you don't mind, I don't want to hear a squeak out of you
0:08:02 > 0:08:05for the next hour. I need complete silence to rest.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Not a peep!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Bingo.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Can we have a bit of hush, please?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40I'd like to introduce the new managing director of Entirely Tiles.
0:08:40 > 0:08:46You might know her as the wife of our dead boss, Eric Bridges.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Please welcome Mrs Elaine Bridges.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53APPLAUSE
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Thank you all for coming to this meeting.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04And thank you, Henry, for doing such a great job of stepping
0:09:04 > 0:09:08into my late husband's still warm shoes, without permission.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Such initiative.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15As you know, the events of the last few months
0:09:15 > 0:09:19have shocked this company to the very core.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I've lost a husband, soulmate,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25badminton, tango and Bikram yoga partner,
0:09:25 > 0:09:29lover and sexual equal,
0:09:29 > 0:09:36and you have all lost an extremely adequate boss.
0:09:37 > 0:09:42So I have decided that in order to honour my late husband's name,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I am going to take on the mantle of this company.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48APPLAUSE
0:09:53 > 0:09:57But in order to start afresh, some things will have to change.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Firstly, I've put a block on all personal emails,
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, LinkedIn, Myspace, googling
0:10:04 > 0:10:06and celebritydiets.com.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Secondly, no staff discount.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13You want tiles, you pay top dollar like everyone else.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17And thirdly, I'm taking away the Nespresso machine.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20This is a tiling firm, not a Starbucks.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21From now on, it's this.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29OK. I think that's sorted. Good morning.
0:10:32 > 0:10:38Oh, and a little birdie has told me that some staff members have been
0:10:38 > 0:10:43visiting my husband's murderer in prison,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46so here's a new rule for you.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Anyone caught visiting or contacting Ms Stephens, in any way,
0:10:50 > 0:10:51is fired.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- I don't really visit her... - You're fired.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04I ate my husband's ball sack, and his meat wasn't as dry as this.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07And he was 70 years old.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09She'll have the carbonara.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Hi.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Get your nose out of my ass!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28What is this, the Human Centipede or something?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Gertie, can I give you a piece of advice?
0:11:32 > 0:11:36I was the new girl here myself until recently and,
0:11:36 > 0:11:39I'm not saying I agree with everything that goes on in this place
0:11:39 > 0:11:42but I found that in order to gain respect, you have to earn respect.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Am I right?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I don't have to respect these losers.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51These women are mentally deficient.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Gertrude, you deep-fried your husband's feet.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You're not exactly the full brass band yourself.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59That is where you are wrong.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I've been tested by the top psychologists in my country
0:12:02 > 0:12:04and every single one has found me to be 100% sane.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I'm in complete control of my mental faculties and I won't have anyone
0:12:08 > 0:12:11say anything to the contrary. Excuse me.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Cover your mouth when you eat, you are contaminating my food.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16My God, you are disgusting.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- What did you say?- Who wants pudding?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23You OK for pudding? You're OK for pudding.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28Everyone's OK for pudding. We'll go and get some pudding.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Oh, look, it's Angel Delight. You're going to love this, Gertie.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34It's a very famous British dessert.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It's so good, angels are delighted by it.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Right? What are you doing?? That's Top Dog's posse.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43The last time someone stood up to Lennie,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45she left a tooth embedded in their forehead.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47It wasn't even Lennie's tooth to begin with.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50You have a Top Dog? That is so quaint!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I actually heard that you had backward power structures in the UK,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55but I thought my friends were joking.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Listen to me, if anyone lays a finger on you,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01then I can kiss goodbye to my legal aid, OK?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03If not for me, then for your own teeth and kneecaps,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06shut your German pie-hole up!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Gertrude! Ola!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Ugh!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19I need you to go through these boxes of Eric's shit and sort them out.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I've got a Groupon for Zizzi's. I'll be back about four.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Come on, Harvey.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34I'm at a loose end, I'd love to help, if I can.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Oh, Eric.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Ah!
0:14:00 > 0:14:04"Dear diary, hope I don't get tiled to death today!"
0:14:04 > 0:14:07That is not funny, Henry.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12I wonder if there's anything about me? What's this?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14This is the missing page from the lottery book.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16What's it doing in Eric's box?
0:14:16 > 0:14:21What do you mean? What are you doing?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32How are you settling in, Wermers?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I hope Stephens is taking care of your needs.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40I'd love to see her taking care of some of your needs.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41You got frisbee in Germany?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Of course they have frisbee in Germany.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, God, your hand stinks!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48It's all in the wrist.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Bit firmer, that's good. Grip it hard.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Fast learner, Wermers. Maybe we can practise a little later, eh?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, my God!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I left my husband's body to decompose for three months
0:15:04 > 0:15:08and he didn't pong that bad.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11And can you, like, not waft your smoke at me?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13It's so antisocial!
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Look, come on, let's play! Catch the frisbee!
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Seriously, do you know how horrible it is to...
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Oh, shit!- Oh my God, Gertrude!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Is she all right? I didn't mean to!
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Please don't carefully file away my application!
0:15:32 > 0:15:36It's OK, it's OK. Let's get you up now.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Danke schoen.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49That's adorable. I'll see you in your cell later, maybe?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Oh, great. Well, that's not how you play frisbee.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Get your filthy hands off me!
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Can you give it..?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Gertie?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Shit!
0:16:21 > 0:16:22It's not nothing, Henry.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26It looks like we got all the numbers that week.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30It looks like we've won £930,000.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Hell's Bells, Mary! - They fleeced us.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Helen ran that lottery, Eric knew about the win.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39They took our money, Henry.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42How could Eric do that to me? Us, to us.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- What are you doing? - I'm calling the police.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- We need to talk. - I'm still connected, Henry.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Oh, cheeseballs.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Shit, shit, shit, shit.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Shiiiiit.
0:17:07 > 0:17:14So, let's have a look at Fraulein Von Mouth-off.
0:17:18 > 0:17:24Gertrude Wermers? Oh, my God, it's Gertrude Wermers !
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Finally, someone knows who I am!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31I don't believe it. I've got, like, all your books. Look.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Could I have it signed?
0:17:35 > 0:17:40No problem, it's great to touch base with the fans.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48"Nice to eat you." Sweet.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Oh, can I have a photo?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Sure.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Oh, you want me...
0:18:03 > 0:18:08OK. I need to tell you something, Mary.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Can you stand a little less close? Thank you.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Well, in June, when Helen was on leave,
0:18:13 > 0:18:18you know she was going to that wedding fair near Liverpool to choose a dress.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- She'd have looked so pretty in taffeta fishtail...- Get on with it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Right, OK, well, Mr Bridges asked me to take over the lottery syndicate.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29So, when I came in Thursday morning, the first thing I did was to check the numbers.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I was gobsmacked, Mary. I went into Bridges' office, of course.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Amazing news. We won the lottery!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Yes!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Look, check it!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44'First thing he did was lock the door.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- 'Then he told me to...'- Sit down.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Don't tell anyone about this.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52But I want to tell everyone the good news, yes!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55If you breathe a word of this, I'll make sure you never work in tiles again!
0:18:57 > 0:18:59'Then he poured himself a Disaronno.'
0:18:59 > 0:19:01I tried to tell him it was 8am,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04but he just stared at me with a crazed look in his eyes and said...
0:19:04 > 0:19:06I couldn't give a monkey's flange!
0:19:06 > 0:19:11I'm a chuffing millionaire and I didn't think I'd be saying that again after my last divorce.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Why didn't you just let him fire you
0:19:20 > 0:19:22and have your share of the winnings, you bell-end?
0:19:22 > 0:19:29All my life, I've been dreaming of working in the tiling industry.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Money can't buy you a job like this. - So where's the money now?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37The only two people who knew about it were me and Bridges.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- What about Stephens?- Helen wasn't back until the week after,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43and by that time he'd covered his tracks.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- We'll see what the police have to say.- Wait, Mary!
0:19:46 > 0:19:51What if the two of us found the money?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53He didn't put it in his account, I know that.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57And he's definitely not spending it now, is he? So what do you say?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03That money belongs to the syndicate.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05If a tree wins the lottery in a forest
0:20:05 > 0:20:09and nobody hears it, did it really win the lottery?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What are you on about?
0:20:11 > 0:20:17The numbers were chosen randomly. How can they ever miss it?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Nice one, Sherlock.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Stop! Please, whatever she said, I'm sorry.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Please, please don't harm her.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Shhhhhhhhh.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Sorry about that. Please continue, Gertrude.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20"Chapter funf. Eine dark night in hell."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Oh, just so you know, they get so many details wrong in this chapter,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25but I'll read it for you anyway.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30"As she had found out during the two months' training at the delicatessen,
0:21:30 > 0:21:35"the cheese wire was the strongest of all the cutting implements.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39"After slicing through his knee cap like a soft ball of mozzarella,
0:21:39 > 0:21:42"she calmly ate him with a teaspoon of mint sauce."
0:21:42 > 0:21:47Now, that's inaccurate. It's a very porky meat.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I always used to eat my husband with the apple sauce.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Ha, you crazy bitch.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59What did you call me?
0:22:01 > 0:22:06I called you a crazy bitch. You crazy bitch.
0:22:07 > 0:22:13No-one, but no-one, calls Gertrude Wermers eine crazy bitch.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Gertrude, I think...
0:22:14 > 0:22:18How dare you question my sanity?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Do you sink these authors would write these books
0:22:21 > 0:22:25if I was just a crazy lady? No, they wouldn't.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29That is the beauty of my story. I'm just the girl next door
0:22:29 > 0:22:32who turned my husband's nostrils into pate.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37And I will not have some jumped up playground bully say that
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Gertrude Wermers is unhinged.
0:22:40 > 0:22:46So, take it back, you crazy bitch.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Scheisse, scheisse, scheisse, scheisse, scheisse, scheisse.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36There better be a damn good reason why you've just barged in
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- to the governor's office unannounced. - There better be a damn good reason
0:23:40 > 0:23:43why Gertrude Wermers's safety has been compromised
0:23:43 > 0:23:44- in this scheisse hole.- I see.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Stephens, perhaps you could shed some light on this?
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Last thing I remember was telling you she was entirely your responsibility.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Hang on! I've spent my entire day
0:23:52 > 0:23:55preventing this woman from being used as a human pinata!
0:23:55 > 0:23:59I have done everything in my power to keep her safe
0:23:59 > 0:24:02but the truth is, and I'm sorry to say this, but she's a dick!
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I will not be spoken about in these terms.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I can't believe the way I've been treated since I've been here.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13This prison should be privileged to have me.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Broadmarsh Prison was voted number eight
0:24:16 > 0:24:20in Channel Five's Top 50 Best Prisons Ever Of All Time, Ms Wermers.
0:24:20 > 0:24:27Well, I've had not one, but two TV films made of my crime.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30One was even a Christmas special.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35So when this prison wins a GTVS,
0:24:35 > 0:24:40which is the equivalent of your BAFTA, then we can talk.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48What the hell are you painting? Where's the perspective, woman?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Your composition is a joke.
0:25:27 > 0:25:33You look nice. That grey sweatshirt really brightens your teeth.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Have you managed to find out anything about that address I gave you?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- Mashta Fembwick?- Yes! - No. Sorry.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46I'm actually really putting my neck on the line even being here.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Mrs Bridges put a ban on anyone visiting you.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52But don't worry, I'm willing to take that risk. For you.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55So, what about Justin? Any leads?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58He wouldn't just leave me here to rot, Henry. We were engaged.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00I meant something to him.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05What is that?
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Polish coal. It's a semi-solid stone.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Right. Thing is, Helen, I feel that if I knew a bit more about him,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16it might help me predict his movements better.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- What do you want to know? - I don't know, really,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I suppose... I mean, had you two been going out long?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Nearly six months, on and off.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Engaged for two of those, on and off.
0:26:27 > 0:26:33I'm just going to write this down. Six months.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Nearly.
0:26:36 > 0:26:42And did he have any funny little habits or foibles?
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Well, he used to use the phrase "apropos of nothing" a lot.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51And did Justin have any nicknames for you, like Helly, or Hell's Bells?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Did he appreciate it when you made an effort with your make-up?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Would he listen to your voicemail messages over and over again
0:26:57 > 0:26:58just so he could hear the sound of your voice?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Did he think about you all the time?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Did he once get a pebble with your name painted on it,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05and then get paranoid and not give it to you?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Would Justin have ever done that?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You probably need some time to think about those.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18BELL RINGS
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I'd better go. Thanks for all the hours you're putting in on this.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25- When I get out of here...- Shhh.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27We're not going to rush this, Helen.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30We're going to get it right, OK?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I'll see you next week.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I love that perfume you're wearing by the way, what is it?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Vosene.
0:27:38 > 0:27:44Wear it next time. Makes you smell like...
0:27:44 > 0:27:47the inside of a taxi.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54"Dear Maurice, if there's one thing I've learned from my time in prison,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57"it's that when life knocks you down, like a Weeble,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00"you have to come straight back up, also like a Weeble.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03"Saying that, I've never felt more homesick.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07"I'd give anything to be back in my slanket on the sofa watching Cash In The Attic.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11"Maybe I was a bit hasty telling Tony to piss the piss off."
0:28:11 > 0:28:12DOORBELL RINGS
0:28:12 > 0:28:15"Anyhoo, write soon. Helen.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19"Oh, PS, I was born in 1974, which is the year of the tiger.
0:28:19 > 0:28:24"I don't think there is a year of the pussy in the Chinese calendar."
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Who are you?
0:28:29 > 0:28:33I'm Laura. Helen's sister. Who are you?
0:28:33 > 0:28:36I'm Justin.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38What are you doing in my flat?
0:28:38 > 0:28:42DOG BARKS
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd