0:00:02 > 0:00:04I've been in the scholastic profession long enough to know
0:00:04 > 0:00:05that nobody enters it
0:00:05 > 0:00:07unless he has some very good reasons he is anxious to conceal.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09CHANTING
0:00:09 > 0:00:11I'm keen to find something that I can stick at.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14I hope that being a schoolmaster may be it.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17What have you heard about The League of Nations?
0:00:17 > 0:00:18I fear I'm in the soup again.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22I've told Flossie I'm going to announce our engagement.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25I hope Mama falls in love again.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27She's still so young and beautiful.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Would you be interested in spending the summer with us?
0:01:04 > 0:01:05That was a good binge.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08That was one of the most memorable evenings of my life.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Marriage is a grim institution!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12You didn't enjoy your first one?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16It was in Ireland. I was as tight as a lord.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18So was the priest.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21God knows what became of Mrs Grimes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26None of this is what I would have chosen for myself,
0:01:26 > 0:01:28not by a long chalk.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Cheer up, Grimesie. - No! No! Get off me!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Why did no-one warn me?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- Why did no-one warn me?! - Ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43They warned me about the fires of hell,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- no-one warned me about marriage!- Ssh!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50No-one said that, at the end of the flower-strewn lane,
0:01:50 > 0:01:52there were the hideous lights of home,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55the terrible voices of children!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Argh! Ah! Ah! Ah!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Try not to wake the boys. - Or Dr Fagan!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04CLATTERING
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Ssh!- Ssh!
0:02:09 > 0:02:10(Inside voices.)
0:02:16 > 0:02:19I gather you're excellent at the organ.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Will you play at my wedding?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I can't, I've injured my hand.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh, no! How did you do that?
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Playing games.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33To be honest, I can't play the organ, Grimes.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34You just teach it?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Will you... will you be best man, then?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Yes. I'd be honoured.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Sorry, Prendy!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Ssssh!
0:02:44 > 0:02:49- What is this terrible impulse to build homes? - (Go and check the door.)
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Flossie has the itch, all right.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53She's already told me she wants children.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59Ah! I fear I'm a blind alley off the main road of procreation.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I don't think people would ever fall in love if they
0:03:03 > 0:03:06hadn't been told about it. It's like going abroad, you know,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09you'd never think of doing it unless someone had told you it existed.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I don't know if that's true.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16I can vouch for the exciting tingle of unexpected emotions
0:03:16 > 0:03:18one can feel when you encounter someone special.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Like a sort of unstoppable primal...flushing.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23WATER TRICKLES
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Oh! (Grimes!)- Ooo!
0:03:28 > 0:03:29- DOOR OPENS - Mm!
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Ah!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Good evening.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Mr Pennyfeather?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm afraid to admit that Captain Grimes
0:03:56 > 0:03:59is not the son-in-law I would readily have chosen.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01He can usually handle his drink, sir.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Well, I could forgive him his wooden leg,
0:04:03 > 0:04:08his abominable features and his moral turpitude,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10if only he were a gentleman.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I dare say you've discerned his worst weakness.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I need not particularise.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19One comes across it with regularity in the teaching profession.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22But I do wish a man with such instincts
0:04:22 > 0:04:24was not marrying my daughter.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Would you marry her?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Well, she's a lovely woman.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I don't mean in theory!
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I'm asking you to help me, Paul.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42I've come to trust and respect you and I'm asking you
0:04:42 > 0:04:45if you would like to marry my daughter, Florence.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51But she's engaged to Captain Grimes at the moment, sir.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I've spoken to her and I've discovered
0:04:53 > 0:04:56that she has no strong inclination towards Grimes in particular,
0:04:56 > 0:05:01but she's very keen - desperate, in fact -
0:05:01 > 0:05:04to be married before her 30th birthday.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05- I see.- Look...
0:05:07 > 0:05:11..I'll offer you a partnership in this school, too.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14And that's worth about £1,000 a year.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Well, it's a very generous offer, sir.- Mm.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20And she's a handsome...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24..very handsome woman.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29But I can't.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33All right. Of course.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I quite understand.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43It's just this Saturday's wedding
0:05:43 > 0:05:46is a humiliation I would like to have avoided.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50And Tangent's going to have his foot amputated on Saturday, too.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Perhaps that is the event you should attend, as headmaster.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Ah!
0:06:03 > 0:06:04BELLS PEAL
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Philbrick's an inscrutable soul, isn't he?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I don't know what he's doing here. He wasn't invited.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You know he's not really a butler? He's a retired thief.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Is he? I know he's a successful novelist.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Philbrick?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25He's a millionaire ship-owner.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Son of the Archbishop of Canterbury.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Yeah. He told me all about it.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32He told me he was a bank robber.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I wonder which of his stories are true?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37None of them, I suppose.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Everything all right, gentlemen?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48We know your game, Philbrick.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50We've being comparing stories.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56One day, I'll tell you the truth and you won't believe that, either.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Because it's more extraordinary than any of your tiny little minds
0:06:59 > 0:07:01could ever comprehend.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05As you were.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Oh, God!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Here comes the bride.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Is it too late to run?
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Yes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42ORGAN STRIKES UP
0:08:05 > 0:08:08HE MUTTERS UNDER HIS BREATH
0:08:16 > 0:08:18HE WHIMPERS
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Let's start by singing Land of Hope and Glory.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- HIGH-PITCHED:- # Land of...
0:08:32 > 0:08:35ALL: # Land of hope and glory... #
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Why is Dingy giving her away?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Where's Dr Fagan?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45TANGENT GASPS
0:08:48 > 0:08:50TANGENT YELLS
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Into this holy union, Captain Colin Alexander
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Frederick George Arthur Grimes
0:09:02 > 0:09:05and Florence Fagan will be joined.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10Therefore, if any man or woman can show any just cause
0:09:10 > 0:09:14why they may not lawfully be joined together,
0:09:14 > 0:09:18let him now speak, or else forever hold his peace.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24FOOTSTEPS
0:09:42 > 0:09:43GRUNTING
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Stop him!
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Get him!- That way!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Back!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Oh!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Colin Alexander
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Frederick George Arthur Grimes,
0:10:17 > 0:10:21do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
0:10:25 > 0:10:29I... W-W... Er... Ah...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31BELL TOLLS
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Do you know Philbrick well?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38No.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41He's wanted for false pretences and impersonation.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44There's 15 charges against him from across the country.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48In March, he pretended he was the Bishop of Burford.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50He confirmed 70 kids.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Did it very well, apparently.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54He told me he was a bank robber.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56He is also a bank robber.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Ah.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05You're going to Margot Beste-Chetwynde's place for summer?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yes. I'm looking forward to it.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I-I find there's something rather thrilling about Margot's company.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Do you?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Shall we have a couple more?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22You don't think you ought to get back?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I suppose you're right.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34The first days are difficult...they say.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Even in the most romantic marriages.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43But since it's your first night together as a couple...
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Well, so long, old boy.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03This is the way I go now.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06OWL HOOTS
0:12:12 > 0:12:14BELL RINGS
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I must say, I'm a little worried about Grimes.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I think the head man is giving him a hard time.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31And I'm not sure everything... above stairs suits him.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41WAVES CRASH
0:13:03 > 0:13:05KNOCK AT DOOR
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Sir? Have you seen Captain Grimes?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12No, not since yesterday.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Neither has Mrs Grimes.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Apparently, he didn't come home last night.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I'm sure he's probably just passed out in a ditch somewhere.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26It's this way.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28GULLS SQUAWK
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Oh, Grimes!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Come along, girls! Margate, here we come!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- HE LAUGHS - Come on, in you get!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14There we go.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Have a good holiday, Prendy.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Thank you. And you.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Though I'm not sure I can face returning for another term.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I'm sure you say that at the end of every term.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35I do.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38And at the beginning of every term.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I was reading yesterday about what the Bishop of Winchester is calling
0:14:42 > 0:14:44the modern churchman.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Apparently, these priests draw a full church salary,
0:14:47 > 0:14:51but don't commit to any particular religious belief.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I think the bishop meant it critically,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56but I thought it sounded rather wonderful.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Well, I hope you do come back.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02I'm sure I will.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Oh! Mummy sent the big car.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, this is me.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13HORN HOOTS
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Mother's been asking me to practise my vodka cocktails.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Are you good at making cocktails, sir?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I'm not even good at drinking them.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Oh, my word!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Mother has surpassed herself.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54My dears! You've made it.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59Oh! You're finally here! I've been so bored without you.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Oh, my darling boy, how are you?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06You seem to be getting rather handsome, in a coltish sort of way.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Wouldn't you agree, Mr Pennyfeather?
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Yes.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Oh, it's wonderful to have you here, too.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14And for the whole holidays, Professor. Lucky us.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I'm not actually a professor.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Shush, Professor. What do you think?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21It's an amazing house, Mrs Beste-Chetwynde.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Come and meet the architect.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I find the vulcanite chairs make my bottom chafe,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29but Otto insists on them.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33- Otto?- Ah?- Honey, Peter's here with Mr Pennyfeather.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Guten abend, meine herren.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Darling, isn't Peter getting rather handsome?
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Lass uns mal schauen.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44HE COUNTS TO SEVEN IN GERMAN
0:16:47 > 0:16:51His head is too big for his frame and his hands are too small.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I love what you've done with the place, Otto.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57It's an amazing house, I was just saying.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00You like it?
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Very much.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I hate and detest every bit of it.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07No, my, shooks, you mustn't be so tiresome.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09It's better than what was here before.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I've done what I can, but it is impossible for domestic architecture
0:17:13 > 0:17:15to ever be truly beautiful.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Why's that?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Hm.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27The challenge for architecture is the same challenge for all art -
0:17:27 > 0:17:31the removal of the human element in the consideration of form.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36So the only truly beautiful building is the factory.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Yes, darling, you've built beautiful factories.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Now, I'm going to get changed.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Peter, why don't you make us some drinks?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Yes, of course.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Margot is impossible to work for.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10For instance, she's insisting that I put in the staircase.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12There isn't one at the moment?
0:18:12 > 0:18:16The tragedy for architects is that they have to have clients.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19How do you get upstairs?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Why do you want to go upstairs?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25You see, Paul, this is my point.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Stairs are ugly, but humans demand them.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Why can't you just stay in one place?
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Why must you go upstairs, downstairs,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33in and out, up and round, huh?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Do machines require a staircase?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36No!
0:18:36 > 0:18:39What an immature, self-destructive being is a man.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Yes.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45But what if you want to go to sleep?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Argh!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49If you must go upstairs,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53install an elevator on the exterior of the building.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56That's a good solution.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Here we are.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Oh!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Drinks. I call it The Panty Dropper.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11It's er, it's vodka, rum, whisky. I serve it slightly warmed.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Aren't you clever, darling? Can I credit you for this?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- No.- A teacher called Captain Grimes
0:19:17 > 0:19:19actually taught us all how to make these.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20I love teachers like that.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Yes. Sadly, he... he committed suicide last week.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Oh, no, that's horrible.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Scheisse.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Well, let's toast to poor Captain Grimes.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Poor Captain Grimes.- Prost.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Perhaps I could, er, get a glass of water, as well?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Oh, water's for washing.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48So, who wants to see my drawings of French prostitutes?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I'd love to.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Paul, setz dich, ja?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Do you visit prostitutes much, Paul?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Um...not so much.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I draw everything.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Here are my prostitutes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Ooh!
0:20:24 > 0:20:25That's a nice one.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Her raised buttocks, and head thrown back in ecstasy.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Yes.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Paul.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I'd like to give you this one as a gift.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- Oh, thank you.- Yeah.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Is there perhaps one without you in it?
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Of course. Choose which one you like.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56The woman pleasuring herself?
0:20:56 > 0:20:57That one's lovely. Thank you.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Oh, Paul, I love to draw.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01I can see.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Yeah. Let's draw now. You and me, Paul.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Let's draw Margot.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Oh, no, not again, darling.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Peter, bitte? Fur dich. Hold, please, thank you.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I could draw you 500 times daily.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23You are such a wonderful, firm assembly of rectilinear planes.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Well, I'd like to keep my clothes on, thank you.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Me, too.
0:21:38 > 0:21:44Paul, would you say you are a static person or a dynamic one?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Hm?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48I believe all people should be divided into those two types.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Static...or dynamic.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57That makes much more sense than dividing them into male or female.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00So, which type are you, Paul?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Dynamic.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06I'm definitely a dynamic person.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Yeah.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16My father.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Oh, Peter, darling, did I tell you I was having
0:22:21 > 0:22:24a weekend party here at the house to show it off?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Margot, I've asked you not to do this.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Oh, shush. Be quiet. It's my house. I paid for it.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Now, could you face organising it all? You know what I'm like.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Of course, Mama. How many people will be coming?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Oh, I don't know. I gave up inviting people weeks ago.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Maybe a couple of hundred.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Oh, but don't worry, most of them are hopeless at leaving London.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Will it be a fancy dress party?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Hm, God, no. Had enough of those.
0:22:50 > 0:22:55Just this year I've been to a circus one, a Hawaiian one,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57a Victorian one, a Russian one,
0:22:57 > 0:23:02a Wild West one, one where you had to be dressed as a windmill...
0:23:02 > 0:23:04It's so boring.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08And when did parties move from being an expression of hospitality
0:23:08 > 0:23:10to a competitive form of public spectacle?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12You did say that you enjoyed the
0:23:12 > 0:23:14"What were you wearing when the Titanic sank?" party.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Hm. Oh, yes. That suited my mood perfectly.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18GONG
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Oh! Dinner is served. Now, stop drawing.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Let me see what you've done.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30Oh, Otto, I wish you wouldn't do that! It's so boring.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34You've drawn me completely naked, when I clearly have my clothes on.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Now, let's see what you've done.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Hm.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41Those are your eyes.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Hm.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47SHE SIGHS
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Dinner is served.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Paul...are you awake?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Oh, well, I... I wasn't.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I just wanted to apologies for Otto's manner.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32He's German and an architect,
0:24:32 > 0:24:34and that can be an unfortunate combination.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35But he is a genius.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39I'm sorry about my drawing. It's never been my...
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Oh. Please. I didn't invite you here to draw, did I?
0:24:46 > 0:24:50I...obviously do find you very beautiful.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53It's just that I wasn't able to express it with a pencil.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55It was frustrating.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Do you? Find me beautiful?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Yes.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Hm. I don't like my mouth.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05It's a beautiful mouth.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08All of you is beautiful.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Like a rainbow.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Like a lily flower
0:25:12 > 0:25:16that's opened for the first full fat drops of spring rain.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21If a million painters painted for 40 hours, they'd never be able to...
0:25:21 > 0:25:27Shush! You don't have to talk, you handsome, drunk man.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Jenny?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Where are you? Jenny?
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Guten morgen, Paul.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Don't you think she's the most wonderful woman in the world?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04In what way?
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Beautiful and free. It's almost like she's a different species.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Do you know what I mean?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Margot's variations are seductive.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15They certainly are.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Yeah.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Especially the way her left breast
0:26:21 > 0:26:26is slightly more raised than her right. It's ghastly!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30I do enjoy sleeping with her.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Yeah, part of me thinks I should propose to her again.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Sorry?
0:26:37 > 0:26:38I love her body...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42..as much as I love concrete.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Hello, I'm Tom.- Paul.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16What's brought you to this part of the world?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Trying to get away from an architect. I'm a teacher.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23I tutor a boy who lives locally in a big house.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26At King's Thursday?
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Yes.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Are you going to the party this afternoon?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Yes. Are you?
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Yes and no. Ah, I'd like to. I know Margot a bit.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- Do you?- Yeah. She often has me at her parties.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46And then I write about them the next day. For The Daily.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47You're a journalist?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50I have a society column.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51Golly. Is that a good career?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54So long as you can get into the parties, it is.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59I don't know why but, um, Margot hasn't invited me this time.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Perhaps she forgot?
0:28:01 > 0:28:04She told me she hadn't invited everyone that she wanted to.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Why, that must be it.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10See the thing is, I have a friend -
0:28:10 > 0:28:13a rival, really - he writes for The Weekend.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16He's an unscrupulous little turd.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17I say "friend."
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Actually, I hate the man, but he's going to be at the party.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22It would look pretty bad for me if he did a piece
0:28:22 > 0:28:23about the party and I didn't.
0:28:23 > 0:28:24I see.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28So, I was wondering if you could get me in?
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Right...
0:28:29 > 0:28:33It's just, my career, sort of, depends on it.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37- Um...- And as you say, she probably just forgot to invite me.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39- Er...- To be honest with you,
0:28:39 > 0:28:41if I don't pull this off I may as well stick my head in the oven.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Oh, don't do that. Um...
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Well, if you say
0:28:46 > 0:28:47she normally invites you,
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I'm certain she wouldn't mind you being there.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Wonderful! Thank you!
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Let me get you another drink. It was The Owls, wasn't it?
0:28:56 > 0:29:01- Thank you.- So, if you leave the back gate open at 3.30pm, please?
0:29:01 > 0:29:03And don't be alarmed - I may be dressed as an Arab.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32I can't face it. I don't want to talk to any of these people.
0:29:32 > 0:29:33I don't feel well. I'm going to bed.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Darling, will you make sure everybody has a good time?
0:29:36 > 0:29:37And you, too, Paul.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40But... I'm not sure I know how your mind works, Margot.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42I'm sure you do.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46And I'm sure you know how to make a party swing delightfully.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49Make it a huge success. I'm counting on you.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52I sure I'll feel better once they've all gone.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57DOORBELL
0:30:06 > 0:30:07Champagne, sir?
0:30:07 > 0:30:11Oh, my word! Peter!
0:30:11 > 0:30:14Mrs Popham. So lovely to see you.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17I can't wait to see this house.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18Has Otto done marvels?
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Please have a glass of Champagne or try one of my absinth frappes.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Hm! How do you two know each other?
0:30:25 > 0:30:28Oh, Mr Pennyfeather is a master at my school.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30He's excellent at theology, German and music.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Oh, well done. Which instruments do you play?
0:30:33 > 0:30:35He's superb at the piano.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39Otto, you're here!
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Look at what you've done to this place!
0:30:42 > 0:30:44It's amazing.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47I hate and detest every bit of it.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49Well, I love it.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Then, you have nothing but my pity.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Just walk around and talk to people.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00How do you do.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05This is what the house used to look like before I knocked it down.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09As you can see - unfit for habitation. It was appalling.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13Here, however, this is the dining room space.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16You see, I designed the house for human flow
0:31:16 > 0:31:18and increased functionality.
0:31:19 > 0:31:25Your eye then travels across the marble floor to the windows.
0:31:25 > 0:31:30And from here, you have an amazing view of the woods. Ja.
0:31:35 > 0:31:41I was required by my client to make this room fun, ja?
0:31:41 > 0:31:46- So I added a kaleidoscope lighting.- Wow!
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Hm. We could do with a room like this in The Commons.
0:31:49 > 0:31:55So now, who would like to see the drawings of my French women?
0:31:56 > 0:31:57Or, we could have some food?
0:31:57 > 0:32:00I've never seen such a spread.
0:32:02 > 0:32:03Paul?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05Just a minute.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13HAPPY CHATTER
0:32:15 > 0:32:16Hello.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18Hello.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22So...you're a politician?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25Minister for Transport. You keen on politics, at all?
0:32:25 > 0:32:26Hardly at all.
0:32:26 > 0:32:32Ah, sensible fellow. It's all just one disaster after another.
0:32:32 > 0:32:37Endless backstabbing and plots. And the public are idiots.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40I'd make much more money if I concentrated on my biographies.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44This is an extraordinary house, isn't it?
0:32:44 > 0:32:45Yes.
0:32:45 > 0:32:50It's missing nothing except the hostess herself. You known her long?
0:32:50 > 0:32:53Margot? Only a few weeks.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Ah. There's no-one like her.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00I wish she rode a bicycle and voted Tory, but she's good news otherwise.
0:33:00 > 0:33:06You been to her place in Corfu? It's fabulous. Wonderful chefs.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09I don't know what she's built this place for.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12She's getting in with the wrong set.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15A rich woman without a husband is bound to be talked about.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18What she ought to be doing is getting married.
0:33:18 > 0:33:22Settling down with someone with a respected position in public life.
0:33:22 > 0:33:23Someone like you?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Yeah, that's right.
0:33:26 > 0:33:27Do you know what that is?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29No.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33What line are you in?
0:33:33 > 0:33:34I'm a teacher.
0:33:34 > 0:33:39Never mind. You're young. There's still time to change.
0:33:39 > 0:33:44Although I must say, I don't understand your generation.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47You had a great opportunity after the war.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50There was a whole civilisation to be remade.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52I'm just trying to find something I can stick at.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54What's your father want you to do?
0:33:54 > 0:33:57I don't know. He died when I was younger.
0:33:57 > 0:33:58Sorry to hear that.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00What I will say to you is this -
0:34:00 > 0:34:06whatever you do intend to do with your life, aim high.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08That's what I do.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Like when you're throwing a stone at a cat.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14If you aim higher, you're more likely to hit something.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17Aim high.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20Right, I'm off back to London soon.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24It's annoying Margot isn't at her own party.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26I only came to seduce her.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28It's a shame she's missed that.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Hm! Nice to meet you.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Are you going to eat that?
0:34:46 > 0:34:51I think, to see clearly in this world, one must be a poet,
0:34:51 > 0:34:53a priest and a prophet - all at once.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55You are so right.
0:34:55 > 0:34:56Yeah.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59When are you going to come and do my house, Otto?
0:34:59 > 0:35:01I keep asking.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03No more houses. I detest them.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Ja, I want to build a town instead.
0:35:06 > 0:35:07You promised.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Pamela. Bitte, ja?
0:35:10 > 0:35:15Well, I'd give you free rein. You can do what you like.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Come and discuss it with me on Friday night.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20My husband's in Abyssinia again.
0:35:20 > 0:35:21CLUNKING / WHIRRING
0:35:21 > 0:35:24Oh! Paul.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27This is fun.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Do you know Pamela Popham?
0:35:29 > 0:35:30We met briefly.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Oh, we were just discussing architecture.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Sir, can I have a word?
0:35:34 > 0:35:35Yes.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39What is HE doing here?
0:35:40 > 0:35:41What's wrong with him?
0:35:41 > 0:35:43He's a journalist.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Yes, he writes a column, doesn't he?
0:35:45 > 0:35:48He's the most despised man in the newspapers.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50My mother threw him out of her last party.
0:35:50 > 0:35:54And there he is, talking to the most indiscreet man in politics.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56He always wears an Arab disguise,
0:35:56 > 0:35:58every time, and he writes the most appalling things.
0:35:58 > 0:36:02When my mother finds who let him in here, she will crucify them.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06Well, let's not upset her by telling her.
0:36:06 > 0:36:07How did he get in here?
0:36:08 > 0:36:10I'm going to go and ask him.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14No. Let me. You stay here.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17I'll go and give him... a bloody good piece of my mind.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19It's well known in the House
0:36:19 > 0:36:21that the Home Secretary and Mr Chundra Roy
0:36:21 > 0:36:24have long been enjoying, what they call on the subcontinent,
0:36:24 > 0:36:27"a tender embrace without trousers."
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Hello, Tom.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32I thought we agreed that you wouldn't take notes.
0:36:32 > 0:36:36- No, we didn't.- I think we did, so if you'd just give me that...
0:36:36 > 0:36:37No!
0:36:37 > 0:36:39- Yes.- No...
0:36:40 > 0:36:41What's the matter?
0:36:41 > 0:36:45This man is a journalist. Tom Somebody.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48Not Tom Braeburn?
0:36:49 > 0:36:50No!
0:36:50 > 0:36:55You're the bloody turd pipe who suggested my parentage was of doubt.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Oh! Look!
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Get out of here or I'll set my dogs on you!
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I'm going to make sure your mother has a tax inspection!
0:37:05 > 0:37:07How the hell did he get in here?
0:37:07 > 0:37:09It's beyond belief.
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Bloody man gets everywhere.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12Found you.
0:37:12 > 0:37:17We're so bored. I want you to play something for us, on the piano.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19No.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21Yes. I insist. Come on.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24No, no. I really can't. I've had too much to drink.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Oh! We don't mind if it isn't perfect. Move.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30No, I can't. I've injured my hand.
0:37:30 > 0:37:35- Lady Popham, he really can't... - We don't mind! Sit down!
0:37:35 > 0:37:40Everybody! This man here is Peter's music teacher.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Shall we get him to play us something on the piano?
0:37:43 > 0:37:45Yes, yes. Play us something.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48No. No. No. I can't...
0:37:48 > 0:37:50Sit down!
0:37:50 > 0:37:51I can't!
0:37:51 > 0:37:53Everybody, shush!
0:37:53 > 0:37:56He's going to play something for us.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59I really can't.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03Oh, for God's sake! Don't make such a scene.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Um...
0:38:16 > 0:38:20This is a modern piece.
0:38:20 > 0:38:21What is it called?
0:38:23 > 0:38:25It's called...
0:38:25 > 0:38:28The...Fat Lady...
0:38:28 > 0:38:32Of...Stuttgart.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Ja.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40CRACKS KNUCKLES
0:38:53 > 0:38:57PLAYS SINGLE NOTES SLOWLY
0:39:03 > 0:39:06PLAYS DISSONANT NOTES
0:39:08 > 0:39:11PLAYS RANDOM NOTES
0:39:12 > 0:39:16CARRIES ON IMPROVISING
0:39:33 > 0:39:36PLAYS DISSONANT NOTES
0:40:06 > 0:40:07SINGULAR APPLAUSE
0:40:17 > 0:40:19Did you have a terrible time at the party last night
0:40:19 > 0:40:21with all those awful people?
0:40:22 > 0:40:25More and more I find the need for a new husband,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28so I can stop throwing all these parties.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32But Peter's horribly fastidious. He turns down all the candidates.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34Did he turn down Otto?
0:40:34 > 0:40:38I can't remember what he said about Otto.
0:40:38 > 0:40:40And Humphrey Maltravers seems keen on you.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44Oh! Yes, he is. But I can't be Margot Maltravers.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47That's not an acceptable name.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50Oh, darling, I've loved having you around the house.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52I can't bear the thought of you
0:40:52 > 0:40:54having to go back to that Welsh school.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Do write to Dr Fagan and tell him you won't be going back?
0:40:58 > 0:41:01What else could I do? Journalism?
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Oh, no, no, no. We'll find you a proper job.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07Maybe you can come and work for me?
0:41:07 > 0:41:10What is your business, Margot?
0:41:10 > 0:41:12Well, I run my father's business.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15It's called The Latin American Entertainment Company.
0:41:15 > 0:41:16It's mostly in South America.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19We provide girls for places of entertainment
0:41:19 > 0:41:23like cabarets and hotels and theatres, that sort of thing.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26I'm sure I can find you a job helping in that.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Oh, Margot, you are wonderful.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35Oh, Carlo, thank you for another lovely meal.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Please give my regards to the chef.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44Sorry.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47Arthur!
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Pottsie. It's me, Paul.
0:41:49 > 0:41:55Pennyfeather! Dear chap. How are you?
0:41:55 > 0:41:58How lovely to see you. This is my...
0:41:58 > 0:42:00friend, Margot Beste-Chetwynde.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04What brings you here?
0:42:04 > 0:42:06Bit of lunch. I work near here.
0:42:06 > 0:42:10Darling, why don't you talk to your friend? I'll wait for you outside.
0:42:10 > 0:42:11What line of work are you in?
0:42:11 > 0:42:13I work for the League of Nations.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Gosh. Good for you, Pottsie.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Always knew you'd end up doing something impressive.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Are you going to save us all from another war?
0:42:19 > 0:42:24Actually, I work in a department that's an offshoot, of, er...
0:42:24 > 0:42:25an extension of the main unit.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Golly.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29What are you up to?
0:42:29 > 0:42:31I always thought the manner of your expulsion from university
0:42:31 > 0:42:33was a great injustice, Paul.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36- Thank you, Portsie.- I'll tell you, I gave Digby-Vaine-Trumpington
0:42:36 > 0:42:37a piece of my mind on the matter.
0:42:37 > 0:42:38- Did you?- Hm.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I told him you'd had your whole future shattered.
0:42:41 > 0:42:42Do you know how he replied?
0:42:42 > 0:42:46He said he'd send you £20.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48Well, I never got it.
0:42:48 > 0:42:49I told him not to send it.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Thank you(!)
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Probably for the best, in the end.
0:42:54 > 0:42:58I'd heard you'd had to become a teacher.
0:42:58 > 0:43:02Yes. But I'm giving that up, now that I've met Margot.
0:43:03 > 0:43:04Good to see you.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Now, I don't want you talking to the girls
0:43:20 > 0:43:22who are auditioning for the show.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24I don't want them feeling too judged.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27No, of course not. Thank you so much for this, Margot.
0:43:29 > 0:43:30I see you've got a new necklace.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32Yes, Otto gave it to me.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34Oh.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37They're ball bearings from an anti-aircraft gun.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Shall we get started?
0:43:40 > 0:43:41Ladies!
0:43:45 > 0:43:46Hello, darling. Name?
0:43:46 > 0:43:48SPANISH ACCENT: Pompilia de la Conradine.
0:43:48 > 0:43:50Ah. Real name?
0:43:50 > 0:43:51LONDON ACCENT: Betsy Brown.
0:43:51 > 0:43:52Age?
0:43:52 > 0:43:5422.
0:43:54 > 0:43:55Real age?
0:43:55 > 0:43:5722.
0:43:58 > 0:43:59Experience?
0:43:59 > 0:44:03I was at Mrs Rosenbaum's in St James' for two years, ma'am.
0:44:03 > 0:44:07I'll see. Well, I will try and find something for you.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10But tell me, why did you leave Mrs Rosenbaum's?
0:44:10 > 0:44:12She said the gentlemen like a change.
0:44:12 > 0:44:13Hm.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Mrs Rosenbaum's, please.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29Oh, yes, hello. This is the Latin American Entertainment Company.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32I have a Betsy Brown here. Can you tell me a little bit about her?
0:44:34 > 0:44:39I see. Well, I thought that was the case. Thank you.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42Well, I'm sorry, darling,
0:44:42 > 0:44:44I'm not going to be able to use you until you're better again.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46Thank you.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51What was wrong with her? She seemed fit to me.
0:44:51 > 0:44:55- Sadly not.- You didn't ask her to sing or dance?
0:44:55 > 0:44:59Well, one learns to judge those things by sight.
0:44:59 > 0:45:01Next!
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Hello, darling. Name?
0:45:04 > 0:45:06WELSH ACCENT: Renee von Banky.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08Real name?
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Jane Jenkins.
0:45:11 > 0:45:12Great. Jane, give us a turn.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19Very nice. How did you hear about us?
0:45:19 > 0:45:21My father in Cardiff told me about you.
0:45:21 > 0:45:25Ah, yes, often the way. So you're new to this business?
0:45:25 > 0:45:26Yes, ma'am.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Excellent. When could you sail?
0:45:28 > 0:45:30When do you want me?
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Well, we have a few vacancies in Rio.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35Four or five of the girls are going to travel there
0:45:35 > 0:45:36from Marseilles next month.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Would you be able to join them?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41Yes, ma'am. I'd be very pleased to, I'm sure.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43Thank you.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50Next!
0:45:53 > 0:45:57Well, that's the last of them. Were you terribly bored, my angel?
0:45:57 > 0:46:00No, Margot, you were wonderful. Like an empress.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Now, pop outside and wait for me in the car.
0:46:03 > 0:46:04I have a few phone calls to make.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13- MAN:- All right, ladies, how did that go?
0:46:13 > 0:46:16Good? Everyone happy? Good.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19I'm sure you'll all be off to Rio before you can say "dengue fever".
0:46:19 > 0:46:21OK, come on, then. Hurry up.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Grimes?
0:46:27 > 0:46:29Pennyfeather!
0:46:29 > 0:46:33My dear chap, I thought I'd encounter you again.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35How are you?
0:46:35 > 0:46:37You're not dead?!
0:46:37 > 0:46:39No, no, no. Fighting fit.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41Forgive the vegetation.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43A changed face is necessary at the moment.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45Are you in the soup again?
0:46:45 > 0:46:49No, not this time. But, er, my suicide didn't go down well.
0:46:49 > 0:46:53No body at the funeral and then, I gather, my first wife turned up,
0:46:53 > 0:46:57which went down badly with Flossie and the police and...
0:46:58 > 0:47:01- They're all after me. - What on Earth are you doing here?
0:47:01 > 0:47:04Working. Landed on my feet again.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06- Foot!- Shush, Renee.
0:47:06 > 0:47:08No, I was hiding out in a pub in Soho,
0:47:08 > 0:47:11when I heard that this syndicate were looking for a chap to travel
0:47:11 > 0:47:15to Rio with a group of ladies, to run a place of entertainment there.
0:47:15 > 0:47:18They were hoping to have someone who could control themselves
0:47:18 > 0:47:20when it came to the ladies.
0:47:20 > 0:47:22So, I said, "Where do I sign?"
0:47:22 > 0:47:26So, we're both working for Mrs Beste-Chetwynde?
0:47:26 > 0:47:29Yes, indeed. The team reunited.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Only goes to show how small the world is.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Well, it's wonderful to see you back at full force.
0:47:34 > 0:47:35Oh, yes.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37We must have a drink before you sail.
0:47:37 > 0:47:41We must. Now...you can reach me here.
0:47:41 > 0:47:42Jolly good.
0:47:45 > 0:47:46Chop-chop, ladies.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51And it's for these reasons that Rome fell to the Goths.
0:47:51 > 0:47:52I see.
0:47:54 > 0:47:58Let's pause on history for a moment and consider some maths.
0:48:00 > 0:48:03I need to do quadratic equations, apparently.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06Peter, is something bothering you?
0:48:09 > 0:48:12I don't want Mother to marry Otto Silenus.
0:48:12 > 0:48:15Oh, I'm sure she won't. She turned him down.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18He proposed to her again yesterday on a boat.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20He made a speech about beauty
0:48:20 > 0:48:23and he gave her a necklace made out of ball bearings.
0:48:23 > 0:48:28But Otto's going out with Pamela Popham, who was at the party.
0:48:28 > 0:48:29- Lady Popham?- Yes.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32Oh, I don't think so. She's married to Lord Popham.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34That would be scandalous.
0:48:36 > 0:48:39I'd much rather Mother married you.
0:48:39 > 0:48:40I'm sure she's only marrying Otto
0:48:40 > 0:48:42to get all the other annoying suitors off her back.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44You'd rather she married me?
0:48:44 > 0:48:47She clearly cares about you a great deal, Mr Pennyfeather,
0:48:47 > 0:48:51as do I. But...it's too late.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54She's engaged to the "genius".
0:48:59 > 0:49:00He's a famous architect,
0:49:00 > 0:49:03engaged to be married to Margot Beste-Chetwynde,
0:49:03 > 0:49:06but I know that he's having an affair with Lady Pamela Popham.
0:49:06 > 0:49:10He's going round to visit her house on Friday night, Audley Street.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12If you could get a photo and piece in The Daily, Tom,
0:49:12 > 0:49:14I'd be incredibly grateful.
0:49:14 > 0:49:15This is good stuff.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17Sordid affair.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21And he's German, as well, isn't he?
0:49:22 > 0:49:23The bastard!
0:49:38 > 0:49:41Oh, thank you, James. I've forgotten my gloves inside.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43- Can you run and get them? - Yes, my lady.
0:49:43 > 0:49:45Oh, thank you for waiting.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47Shall we go to Claridge's and have some pastis?
0:49:47 > 0:49:49That sounds lovely.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54Oh, Otto, you stupid man!
0:49:54 > 0:49:55What's happened?
0:49:55 > 0:49:59But he's been seen coming out of Pamela's house at midnight!
0:49:59 > 0:50:01She's married to Lord Popham.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Oh, I can't be seen marrying Otto now.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08They'll mark me down as a cuckolded harlot. Oh!
0:50:09 > 0:50:13Margot, please don't marry Otto. He doesn't love you.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15He only loves himself.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18But I love you. Deeply. Sincerely.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20More than I know how to express.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22Shush, don't make a scene.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24There's only you and me here.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26Well, go on.
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Margot, will you make me the happiest man in the world
0:50:29 > 0:50:31by marrying me?
0:50:31 > 0:50:34I adore you. And Peter says he'd like you to marry me.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39Oh, very well, Mr Pennyfeather.
0:50:39 > 0:50:43I do find you to be a delightful, foolish, handsome creature.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Let's do it.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48Will you be able to cope with being very rich?
0:50:48 > 0:50:49Yes.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51The money can be tiresome.
0:50:51 > 0:50:54If I'm with you, I'll be happy.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Then, I say yes to you.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Did you see our announcement in the paper?
0:51:17 > 0:51:19It's good, isn't it?
0:51:20 > 0:51:22Oh, my!
0:51:25 > 0:51:28Oh, let's see. Hm.
0:51:29 > 0:51:33They're from a man named Alistair Digby-Vaine-Trumpington.
0:51:33 > 0:51:37Ah. He attacked me at college. Took all my clothes off me.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39Oh, he sounds fun!
0:51:39 > 0:51:42And he seems to have sent us half the Amazon rain forest.
0:51:42 > 0:51:46Shall we have him at the wedding? He clearly wants to come.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49- Why not?- I didn't realise you had so many old friends.
0:51:49 > 0:51:50Neither did I.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53Have you chosen one of them to be your best man yet?
0:51:53 > 0:51:55I don't know why, but I haven't heard back from Pottsie.
0:51:55 > 0:51:59Oh darling, you only have four days left to choose a best man.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01Why don't you ask this Digby fella?
0:52:01 > 0:52:03Let me try and find Prendy first.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Very well. Now, I'm having some dresses brought to the house,
0:52:06 > 0:52:08so I don't want you hanging around.
0:52:08 > 0:52:12Why don't you go out and buy some ties or some towels?
0:52:12 > 0:52:13Oh!
0:52:13 > 0:52:17Also, I was thinking we should have our honeymoon in my home in Corfu.
0:52:17 > 0:52:18Would you like that?
0:52:18 > 0:52:20Sounds lovely, darling.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22It used to belong to a little Frenchman.
0:52:22 > 0:52:23Napoleon.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54Paul! Something rather tiresome's happened.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56You know the girls who were sent down to Rio?
0:52:56 > 0:52:57With my friend Grimes?
0:52:57 > 0:53:01Yes, well, several of them have got stuck in Marseille.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Something about their passports.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05It's such a bore that this is happening now,
0:53:05 > 0:53:08but I'd really like it fixed before our wedding.
0:53:08 > 0:53:09Before Saturday?
0:53:09 > 0:53:12Would you be an angel and go down there and sort it out?
0:53:12 > 0:53:16It's just a matter of giving the right man several hundred pounds.
0:53:16 > 0:53:17You want me to go now?
0:53:17 > 0:53:20But...we get married in four days.
0:53:20 > 0:53:21Well, yes, but if you fly today,
0:53:21 > 0:53:24you can be there and back with plenty of time.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28I would go myself, but I haven't a minute to spare this week.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30No. Of course.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Oh, good.
0:53:32 > 0:53:33Jenny!
0:53:33 > 0:53:36I've booked you on the 5pm flight to Marseilles.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19Merci.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Merci, monsieur. Gardez bien votre chapeau.
0:54:24 > 0:54:25Thank you.
0:54:49 > 0:54:50Give me that back.
0:55:07 > 0:55:12Bonsoir. Je cherche pour Jane Jenkins et Marie Dubois?
0:55:12 > 0:55:14De Latin American Entertainment Company?
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Upstairs.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23I'm so sorry you've had to stay in this awful area.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27Don't worry, ladies, I'm here to help.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36Mr Pennyfeather, you are under arrest
0:55:36 > 0:55:38for aiding and abetting prostitution,
0:55:38 > 0:55:40for slave trading and for passport forgery.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44This is your new home.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46You are going to hate it here SO much.
0:55:46 > 0:55:47Super.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51Oh, how are you? Is it awful here?
0:55:51 > 0:55:52Awful.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54I need to get out of here, too.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56I have to escape.