0:00:02 > 0:00:05He ran the whole length of the Quadrangle
0:00:05 > 0:00:06without his trousers?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- Yes, Master. - SLAP!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11He told me he was a bank robber.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13I wonder which of his stories are true.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Whatever you do intend to do with your life - aim high.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18That's what I do.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Margot, please don't marry Otto.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Maybe you can come and work for me?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26I've booked you on the 5pm flight to Marseilles.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27We get married in four days.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Don't worry, ladies, I'm here to help.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06SHIP'S HORN BLOWS NEARBY
0:01:06 > 0:01:08CHATTER AND BUSTLE
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Monsieur.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Monsieur Pennyfeather?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Oui. C'est moi.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28So, Monsieur Galeon.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30The Pharaoh's Daughter sails to Rio tomorrow.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And Margot would like her two girls to be on it.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36As I say, the League of Nations, they don't like it.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38All they seem to do is make it more difficult
0:01:38 > 0:01:39for young women to get about.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I have seen these, they are not good.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43What's wrong with them? They're passports.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Yes, bad ones.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Mrs Margot must understand the new situation.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Perhaps, for a fee,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56the girls could be employed on the ship?
0:01:57 > 0:01:58As stewardess?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01And if they had employment on the ship, then you'd let them travel?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03It is better that way.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Well, fine.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I will fix it with le capitaine.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12It will cost 5,000 francs for them...each.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13That's outrageous!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16If they're working, people should be paying them.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18HE SIGHS
0:02:20 > 0:02:21I've been instructed to pay you.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23But I must warn you, when I see Margot,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I will be advising that she review this process.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- DRIVER:- Sorry, sir, looks like the press are here. I'll get the gate.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- CLAMOUR - Mr Pennyfeather! Mr Pennyfeather!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59How does it feel to be getting married tomorrow?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- Very good, thank you.- Do you know what Margot will be wearing?
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- Will this be the most expensive wedding ever?- No, no. Ha-ha.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Quick quote for the early edition, sir?- Right, that's enough!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11CLAMOUR FADES
0:03:18 > 0:03:21This looks pretty smart. What do you think, sir?
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Marvellous.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Did you get assaulted by the press at the gates?
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Wanted to know all about you. I told them you had webbed feet.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I'm surprised you've chosen Digby-Vane-Trumpington
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- as your best man.- Well, he asked if he could be.- Right...
0:03:39 > 0:03:41HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I can't tell you what Llanabba Castle is like
0:03:43 > 0:03:45now that you, Prendy and Captain Grimes have left.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Little Lord Tangent died from complications
0:03:48 > 0:03:51and the food has gotten so much worse.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Maybe we should ask Margot to take you away?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Please. There's also a rumour that Dr Fagan himself is leaving.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00- There we are.- Thank you.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I do hope tomorrow goes well.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06TELEPHONE RINGS
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Hello?- 'Hello, Paul.'
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Margot, darling. How are you?
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Oh, wonderful, darling.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I'm feeling positively virginal.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I'm just consumed by final decisions.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22There can't be much more to resolve, can there?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh, endless things.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26How was Marseille?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30'Good. All fixed. I met with that Monsieur Galeon.'
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I must say, he's a pretty appalling person.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- And his English wasn't great. - 'Yes, well, he's an oaf.'
0:04:34 > 0:04:37But were the girls being allowed to board the boat?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Yes. They sail this afternoon.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Oh, good!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42'Great job, darling.'
0:04:42 > 0:04:44DOOR BELL RINGS
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Margot, I can't wait to see you, but Alastair's here.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49We're coming up to town for my bachelor lunch.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Oh, yes. You must go.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54'But don't let Peter get too drunk, and you must have the sponge.'
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I will. Goodbye, my love.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58See you tomorrow.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Pennyfeather!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03You filthy miscreant!
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Have you seen the papers?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Our wedding's all over them.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I, er, said I'd do an article for The Sunday Excess
0:05:12 > 0:05:15describing my feelings on being best man.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I hope that's acceptable, old chap?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19I'd rather you didn't, Alastair.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Oh!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Well, I've said yes now, so...
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Do you know anyone who would write it for me?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Um...
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Doubt we'll have time to eat it all, but we should get everything.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- How are you feeling? - Good. Nervous about tomorrow.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I think I'm going to have the boar and hare
0:05:44 > 0:05:46and duck and venison.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Which of you is Mr Pennyfeather?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51That's me. Look, I really don't want to speak to the press again today.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I'm Inspector Bruce of Scotland Yard.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Is this about security? I really don't have time to talk to you now.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58This is my bachelor lunch.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I don't care if it's the King's Christmas tea party -
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I've got a warrant for your arrest.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Oh, don't be an ass!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06You've clearly got the wrong chap.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07This is Paul Pennyfeather.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10He's getting married to Margot Beste-Chetwynde tomorrow,
0:06:10 > 0:06:11at St Mary's, Itchen Stoke.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13You old enough to be drinking that, son?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Those names mean nothing to you, of course...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Don't try and obstruct the law, sir.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You'll be able to continue with your lunch, but you need to come with me.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Oh, let me go and sort this out. I'll be back shortly, order for me.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I'll have the steak and kidney suet,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27the daube of beef, the rabbit hotpot and the crown of duck.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Not the pig cheeks? It's excellent here.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- Comes with apples AND a black pudding.- Oh, well...
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- Maybe that instead of the daube? - Come with me, please, sir.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- There's guinea fowl. - I can't make up my mind.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39No, what Alastair said. Suet, hotpot, pig cheeks, duck.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Any pud?- You are under arrest, sir. - I'll be back shortly.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Maybe choose now in case they detain you for an hour?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Pass me the menu. - You are under arrest, sir!
0:06:47 > 0:06:50There's a souffle - that should take about 25 minutes?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Oh, I won't be that long. Oh, it's difficult.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53You are under arrest.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Ssh... Wait!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58OK...rush decision - apple parfait.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- No, quince crumble. - The sponge pudding is good.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- The sponge is legendary.- Oh, sponge, parfait, parfait, sponge.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- What do you think? - Have the bloody sponge!
0:07:05 > 0:07:06No. I'll have the bloody parfait.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Good choice.- You are under...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Yes, yes. Right, I'll go and sort this out.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I'll be back before the hotpots get cold.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Let's order him a salad as a joke.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19THEY SNIGGER
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- I should've got the sponge, shouldn't I?- You're under arrest
0:07:26 > 0:07:29for aiding and abetting prostitution, for slave trading -
0:07:29 > 0:07:32specifically two women known as Jane Jenkins and Marie Dubois -
0:07:32 > 0:07:35and for passport forgery, in breach of common law.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Our first witness is the man who,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53through tireless work and diligence,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55has been able to put together
0:07:55 > 0:07:59the full picture and international sweep
0:07:59 > 0:08:01of Mr Pennyfeather's crimes.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Arthur! You're not going to give evidence against me?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17I swear by Almighty God, that the evidence I shall give
0:08:17 > 0:08:19shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Would you give your name and job for the record, please?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26My name is Arthur Potts, I'm senior officer for the League of Nations,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29working chiefly in combating white slavery and prostitution.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34And is it true that you have been building a case
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- against Mr Pennyfeather for several months?- I have.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Arthur, we did rubbings together!
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Be quiet!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I've been following the accused for several months intensively.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50As a result, I am now able to describe, in some detail,
0:08:50 > 0:08:52the full reach and grim sordidness
0:08:52 > 0:08:55of Mr Paul Pennyfeather's despicable crimes.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58What are those crimes?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Beneath that seemingly fresh face
0:09:01 > 0:09:05lies the dark, stale soul of a man
0:09:05 > 0:09:09who delights in prospering from the sexual slavery of young women.
0:09:09 > 0:09:15Beyond imagination is the full extent of his unholy violations.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18But I have them listed, here.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23He is a vampire.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25I'm not a vampire! MURMURING
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Order! Order! - BANGS GAVEL
0:09:27 > 0:09:30A vampire who I can now prove preys upon the worst instincts
0:09:30 > 0:09:34in our society for his own personal gain.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35And it is my personal view
0:09:35 > 0:09:38that these degradations are made all the more sickening
0:09:38 > 0:09:42by the fact that, at the time of his crimes, he was attempting to marry
0:09:42 > 0:09:46into one of the most honoured families in our country's history.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Mama is upset about this whole situation.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50We both are.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Is she...?- She wanted to come and see your trial,
0:09:53 > 0:09:55but she's gone off to Corfu instead. On her own.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Well, just her and some Russian friends.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00You can imagine what a time she's having with reporters and people.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Of course.- You don't think that's awful of her, do you?
0:10:04 > 0:10:05No.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09There's a way she might be able to help you.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Can you remember that fat, annoying man called Maltravers?
0:10:20 > 0:10:21The Transport Minister?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23He's Home Secretary now.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28He came round and said to Mama that if she married him,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30he'd be able to get you out.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Ah...- She asked me to ask you how you'd feel about that.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Hmm...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Not great, really.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I think she feels your arrest
0:10:40 > 0:10:42may have been, in some small way, her fault,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44and I think she'd like to help if she can.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49She'd like to help me by marrying Humphrey Maltravers(?)
0:10:49 > 0:10:51She said the question for you was -
0:10:51 > 0:10:55would you rather she married Maltravers and you get out now,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59or would you like to wait until you finish your sentence
0:10:59 > 0:11:01and marry her yourself?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I'd like her to wait for me, please.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Good! I thought you'd say that. I'm so pleased.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10She will...wait for me...won't she?
0:11:10 > 0:11:11I'm sure she will.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I don't want that absurd MP as my stepfather.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18And I can't imagine they'll give you more than a year's sentence.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Seven years' penal servitude.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25GAVEL BANGS
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Name?- Paul Pennyfeather.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Bit different from The Ritz, isn't it?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00We don't like your sort here much.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Posh white slaver?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05You're in for a nasty welcome.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Hello, Pennyfeather!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09HE CHUCKLES
0:12:09 > 0:12:11How the devil are you?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14He's not Pennyfeather. He is D4-12.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Always knew I'd see your pretty little face again.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18- It's lovely to see you, Philbrick. - You, too.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Get your clothes off, you ballbag!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Put your possessions here.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I always wondered what had happened to you.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32They caught up with me, eventually.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- What are you doing over there? - I'm on reception.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36What with me being an old hand.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Not your first stretch?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Not exactly.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43You two finished your mothers' meeting?!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Get your clothes off!
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- Shoes - brown, one pair. Clean. - TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Socks - fancy, one pair. Unclean.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Hat -
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- fancy, brown...- Walnut.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01KEYS STOP CLACKING, TYPEWRITER PINGS
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Sorry?
0:13:03 > 0:13:04It's...
0:13:04 > 0:13:06It's walnut.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Doesn't matter...
0:13:10 > 0:13:13You are going to hate it here so much!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Here you go! Got you the best I could find. Barely any lice.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18TYPEWRITER PINGS
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Cigarette case.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22KEYS CLACK
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Fancy.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Silver.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31What's this?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Cigar piercing.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40You watch your lip, you pansy bogbucket!
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Have you, at any time,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45been detained in a mental home or similar institution?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47I was a teacher in a Welsh boys' school.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54Don't you make jokes in here, young man, or I'll have you in the straps.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Sorry.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Suffering from any diseases?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59VD? Consumption?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- I don't think so.- Cough!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03GRIPPING, HE WHIMPERS AND COUGHS WEAKLY
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Good.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07You're nice and fit,
0:14:07 > 0:14:08I'll put down that you're capable
0:14:08 > 0:14:11of undergoing all of the prison punishment.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Handcuffs, leg chains,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14body-belt, canvas dress,
0:14:14 > 0:14:16close confinement,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18diet one, diet two.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Diet four.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Birch-rod beating and the cat o' nine. Any complaints?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Must I have them all at once?
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Go away.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57This is your new home.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Keep it clean.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Hey, you aren't going to commit suicide, are you?
0:15:07 > 0:15:08I don't think so.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Good. Cos it's not allowed.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13You start hard labour tomorrow.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Mail sack stitching?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Nearly. Granite quarry.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19HINGES CREAK, CLANKING
0:15:19 > 0:15:21LOCKS CLUNK
0:16:05 > 0:16:07You here for long, Philbrick?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Not this time.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Six months for robbery
0:16:10 > 0:16:14and impersonating a member of the clergy. Mind you, I like six months.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15It's a nice little sentence.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Gives me an opportunity to see me old pals.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Lifers, most of them.- You don't mind working like this every day?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're putting far too much into it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26They don't expect us to ACHIEVE anything.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29It's just a way to fill the day, you know, get a bit of fresh air.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Mind you, that being said, this prison's going to the dogs.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Hopeless governor.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Matey, you'll never guess who the new chaplain is?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Can't believe he's still wearing that wig.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Good morning, everyone.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55We'll begin this morning by singing I Vow To Thee My Country.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oh, and, um, I would appreciate it
0:16:58 > 0:17:03if you could try TO stick to the correct words today, rather than...
0:17:03 > 0:17:04doing your own...
0:17:05 > 0:17:07..amusing adaptations.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Stick to the words,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12or it's diet number one.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15HE MOUTHS
0:17:15 > 0:17:17ORGAN PLAYS INTRODUCTION
0:17:19 > 0:17:21UP!
0:17:21 > 0:17:26ALL: # I vow to thee my country
0:17:26 > 0:17:29# All earthly things above
0:17:30 > 0:17:35# Entire and whole and perfect
0:17:35 > 0:17:40# The service of my love... # HE SINGS FALSETTO DESCANT
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I heard you'd been sentenced, but I had no idea you'd end up here.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47It's good to see you in a dog collar.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- How long have you been here? - A few weeks.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53The Bishop thought that the best place for me to practise
0:17:53 > 0:17:57being a modern churchman was in a...a prison.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00The new governor is famously modern.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03So, I thought I'd enjoy it -
0:18:03 > 0:18:07but some of the prisoners are even worse than the boys at school.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10They PRETEND to make confessions
0:18:10 > 0:18:13and then, they...they tell me the most shocking things.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Well, I'm pleased to see you again, Prendy.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Please...
0:18:18 > 0:18:20you mustn't call me Prendy.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24That will only make me even more unpopular.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26So, I think you need to realise
0:18:26 > 0:18:31the enormity of your crimes and the justice of your punishment.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Pray for penitence.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Sorry to disturb you, Your Honour,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40but there's prisoner here, D2-18,
0:18:40 > 0:18:42asking to see Your Honour.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Er, he...he wants to discuss the appointment of the new Archbishop.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49See you later, Father.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You moved that pawn! >
0:18:54 > 0:18:55PIECES CLATTER ON GROUND
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Woe unto the Philistines!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Woe unto the uncircumcised!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03The Lord shall deliver me!
0:19:03 > 0:19:08But you will be crushed beneath him!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09SHOUTING, WET CRUNCHING
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Oi! Break it up!
0:19:11 > 0:19:12COMMOTION
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I shall cast you into the depths!
0:19:17 > 0:19:18- Who is that?- Harold.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20COMMOTION, HAROLD ROARS
0:19:20 > 0:19:22What's he in here for?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Tax evasion.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25BELL RINGS
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Really?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- HE CHUCKLES - No!
0:19:29 > 0:19:30SHEARS SNIP
0:19:32 > 0:19:34The governor wants to see you.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Thank you for coming to see me.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Have I done something wrong?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50No, no. It's simply that my aim
0:19:50 > 0:19:54is to establish contact with every man in my care.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Nice to make your acquaintance, D4-12.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04I want everyone here to take pride in their prison.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06And, as far as possible, I want people to continue
0:20:06 > 0:20:09with the vocations they had in civilised life.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Er, what was this man's profession, Officer?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Sex traffic.- Ah!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Ah, well, you won't have the opportunity to do that here.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21The important thing is that, during your time here,
0:20:21 > 0:20:26I don't want you to feel that your personality is being stamped out.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27What are you passionate about?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Freedom and long-distance running.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Ah... Ha-ha!
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Yes, yes, well, there is an exercise course.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40And we have all the arts and crafts,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43and a new course in botany,
0:20:43 > 0:20:46which I have just introduced.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51I want to bring forth a new epoch in penology.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54And, if you don't mind being one of the guinea pigs,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57I have an opportunity to test it here.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00I want you to realise that, in my eyes,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03far from being a nameless felon, D4-12,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05you are part of a penal revolution
0:21:05 > 0:21:08that is all about the human touch.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Now, um, do you read Modern Politics magazine?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- No.- Well, there was an article in it recently
0:21:15 > 0:21:19about what they called the Lucas-Dockery Experiments.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Oh, look! It's you!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I like prisoners to be aware of these things,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30so we can have a sense of corporate pride.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36To be honest, I don't much care for arts and crafts.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39I'd be perfectly happy spending some time in solitary confinement.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Sounds quite nice.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44No, no, no. That is exactly the sort of inclination I want to fight.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48No, I don't want anyone here indulging in introversion.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51What did you do before your crimes?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Er, did you lead a lonely life?
0:21:54 > 0:21:55How do you mean?
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Were you perhaps a shepherd or a lighthouse keeper?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- I was a teacher.- Aaah!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05That explains it. Misanthropic tendencies
0:22:05 > 0:22:09induced by a sense of inferiority in the presence of others, yes.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12I...I will set up some further stages in your treatment,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15um, but for now...um...
0:22:15 > 0:22:20I want this prisoner to exercise daily in the company of others,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23and during this time, inmates must discuss history,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26philosophy and public events.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- You get the idea.- Mm.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30You see, individual attention
0:22:30 > 0:22:33is being paid to your reclamation.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35How does that make you feel?
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Super.
0:22:38 > 0:22:44Right, bogbucket D4-12, in line with the governor's instructions,
0:22:44 > 0:22:49here is your new pal for you to chat to. Get going.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55How do you do?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00So, how long are you serving here?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Five life sentences.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08What do we do?
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Walk around talking about art and the like!
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Get on with it!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- So, do you think this is a good idea of the governor's?- Yes.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Talk about something, you pair o' bogbuckets!
0:23:36 > 0:23:39What are you in for...if you don't mind me asking?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42It's all in the Bible. You can read about it there.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Do you ever have visions?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- No.- Neither does the chaplain.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50He told me that. And him, a clergyman.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Should clergymen have visions?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57He's no Christian, that priest.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I think I know what you mean.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I believe he's what they're calling a modern clergyman.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05It was a vision that brought me here.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08An angel came to visit me.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Oh! That's nice.
0:24:10 > 0:24:16He said, "The Lord hath numbered his elect.
0:24:16 > 0:24:22"The day of tribulation is at hand.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26"You are his appointed.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29"You are his lion.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31"Kill and spare not -
0:24:31 > 0:24:35"for his kingdom is at hand.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38"Kill and spare not."
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Did you kill and spare not?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I smote the Philistines in the name of the Lord.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52I struck off five heads.
0:24:53 > 0:24:58Woe unto the Philistines on that day.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Woe unto the uncircumcised.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Right, that's enough chatting, you two.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07You - inside.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10How was that? Helpful?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I think that man might be dangerous.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Course he is. If it was up to me, he'd be on diet number two.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Lockdown. Lockdown. Back in your cells.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- CLANKING, DOORS SLAM - Back in your cells. You!
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Everybody in!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34CLANKING DOORS
0:25:34 > 0:25:37DOORS SLAM, LOCKS CLUNK
0:25:37 > 0:25:40'I think Margot has treated you very badly.'
0:25:41 > 0:25:45I was always brought up to believe that it's the right thing
0:25:45 > 0:25:47to shield a woman from any harm.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Who taught you that?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Your father?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54My guardian. I never really knew my father.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Oh, I'm sure that most of the time, that's a good precept, but...
0:25:59 > 0:26:00..Margot isn't a woman.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03She's a monster.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I think she's behaved disgracefully.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09She sent you to Marseilles, didn't she? It's her business.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11She's culpable.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Surely you can see that?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Look, I know what you mean...
0:26:16 > 0:26:17..and I am annoyed at her...
0:26:18 > 0:26:22..but at least I know that I behaved correctly.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24And it's got you seven years.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30- Could you imagine Margot in here? Even for a moment?- Very much so.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Well, you're wrong about that.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Margot - in a prison uniform?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Mail sack stitching?
0:26:35 > 0:26:39Wandering round draughty corridors, dressed in grey pyjamas?
0:26:39 > 0:26:41You don't know her like I do.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Thankfully! - Whereas I can survive in here.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Yes, it's a bit chilly. There's a good routine.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49I'm reading lots.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50The food's not awful.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Bit like school, really.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56So, there's one law for her, is there, and another for...
0:26:58 > 0:26:59..everyone else?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02You know what, bizarrely, I think you're right...
0:27:02 > 0:27:05PRENDY SCOFFS ..there is.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Your friend, Vane-Trumpington,
0:27:13 > 0:27:19has done an interview in which he says he always knew you were evil.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34'Slops out!'
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Come on!
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Slops out!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47CONTENTS OF BUCKET SPLOSH
0:27:49 > 0:27:53- You've got a visitor. - Is it a beautiful Latina woman?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Mama wants you to know that she thinks about you constantly.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00That's nice. Is she back from Corfu?
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Oh, no, she's in Paris. But she sent me a letter.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06She misses you terribly.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09She thinks it's quite wrong how you ended up in here.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Just for trying to help those two girls
0:28:11 > 0:28:13secure the only employment that they were fit for.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16I think about her, too.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17A lot.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21She's been talking to her Home Secretary friend, Humphrey Maltravers,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23about how to get your early release.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Has she being seeing a lot of Maltravers?
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Only occasionally.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Weekends.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32Weekends in Paris?
0:28:34 > 0:28:37But she will wait for me, won't she?
0:28:37 > 0:28:38She's waiting till I get out?
0:28:38 > 0:28:40I'm sure she will.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45I think so.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48I have to escape.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Don't you like it here?
0:28:50 > 0:28:51I've got to get out of here
0:28:51 > 0:28:54before Margot feels compelled to marry Humphrey Maltravers.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59No-one ever escapes Egdon Heath.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Many have tried, but it always ends badly.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04February was the last attempt - by me and Marcel Laurent.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Marcel was part of the mob
0:29:06 > 0:29:09that done the Hatton Garden jewellery job last summer.
0:29:09 > 0:29:10We made it over the wall,
0:29:10 > 0:29:13but, as I landed, I twisted me ankle.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17So, the screws got me, but Marcel ran on into the night.
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Now, he realised if he was going to escape the dogs,
0:29:21 > 0:29:25he'd have to run into Edgon Mire.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27WIND HOWLS, FROGS CROAK
0:29:27 > 0:29:29But no-one escapes the mire.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32First thing they found was his prison hat
0:29:32 > 0:29:34on the surface of the bog.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Then, an hour later, his drowned body.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42And that's the way it's always been at Egdon Heath.
0:29:42 > 0:29:43If the guards don't get you...
0:29:45 > 0:29:47..the bog will.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49WIND HOWLS, CROAKING, WOLF HOWLS
0:29:51 > 0:29:54PRISONER CLEARS HIS THROAT LOUDLY
0:29:54 > 0:29:55I'm talking.
0:29:57 > 0:29:58Well, I have to escape.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Everybody, back in your cells.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Lockdown. Back in your cells.
0:30:08 > 0:30:09You! In your cell!
0:30:09 > 0:30:11DOORS CLUNK AND SLAM
0:30:11 > 0:30:13LOCKS CLANK
0:30:15 > 0:30:18KEYS JANGLE
0:30:20 > 0:30:21DOOR SLAMS, LOCK CLANKS
0:30:45 > 0:30:46HE RAPS ON WALL
0:30:52 > 0:30:54HOLLOW THUD
0:30:55 > 0:30:57SMALL TAP
0:30:57 > 0:30:58HOLLOW THUD
0:31:05 > 0:31:06DUST PATTERS
0:31:12 > 0:31:13I'm coming, Margot.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18METAL CLATTERS
0:31:20 > 0:31:22HE SIGHS (Bugger.)
0:31:22 > 0:31:25THUDDING
0:31:46 > 0:31:47Grimes!
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Here we are! Together again!
0:31:51 > 0:31:54- How are you?- I'm in the soup.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56As per bloomin' usual.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58- When did you get here?- Yesterday.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00I've been in some bad situations before -
0:32:00 > 0:32:02but I've never been anywhere like this.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- What are you in for?- Bigamy!
0:32:04 > 0:32:06Of all the ridiculous convictions!
0:32:08 > 0:32:11I was having a very happy time, running that nightclub in Rio.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13- You liked it there?- Oh, yes.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16My kind of climate. Lovely people at the club.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Good drinkers. Tolerant police force.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22Very little bother. And I had to come back to England
0:32:22 > 0:32:23to see Margot on business
0:32:23 > 0:32:27and the buggers were waiting for me as I got off the boat.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30- Margot's in London? - Yes. I can't stand it here.
0:32:30 > 0:32:31It's just not good enough.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34It's all right for you, you're antisocial...
0:32:34 > 0:32:36- No, I'm not! - Yes, you are, you like reading.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38I'm a sociable creature.
0:32:38 > 0:32:42You know... I like having a drink and a bit of fun.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44I'm going to have to escape.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47I can't STAND repression.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50I need to get out of here, too.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52But no-one's ever escaped Egdon Heath.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Well, we'll be the first, shall we?
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I've started digging a tunnel.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04You know Prendy's here?
0:33:04 > 0:33:07No. I'm not surprised.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10Always knew there was something furtive and forbidden about him.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13He's the chaplain.
0:33:13 > 0:33:14Oh.
0:33:14 > 0:33:15I see.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Well, nonetheless...
0:33:27 > 0:33:30I've been stealing these from the dining hall...
0:33:32 > 0:33:35..then, at night, chiselling through the wall.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46- How long has that taken you? - Five weeks.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Eventually, I hope to get through to the cavity behind the wall,
0:33:49 > 0:33:51then I can escape via the sewage ducts.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56But we might have all died of old age by then.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57I need to get out of here, Grimes.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Every moment that I'm in here
0:33:59 > 0:34:02is an opportunity for Humphrey Maltravers to seduce Margot.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07That's why I think we might need something a bit quicker, old chap.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13And won't the guards see the tunnel once you've gone?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17No, because I'm going to use this poster to cover the hole.
0:34:17 > 0:34:22That way they won't realise I'm missing until the morning roll call.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24And if you're in the tunnel,
0:34:24 > 0:34:27how will you place the poster back over the hole at this end?
0:34:36 > 0:34:39- How else can we escape? - I don't know.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Personally, I'm just going to pick my moment
0:34:41 > 0:34:43and trust in Lady Fortune.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
0:35:21 > 0:35:22Do you want a game of chess?
0:35:24 > 0:35:27If you say "no", I WILL set fire to your head.
0:35:29 > 0:35:30Let's play chess.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53HE GIGGLES
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Are you letting me win?
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- No...- Then why did you make such a bad move?
0:36:01 > 0:36:02You can't be that stupid.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05No, I...I am that stupid.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08Glad to see you two are friends.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10You destroyed our game.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11It's fine...
0:36:13 > 0:36:16WOOD SPLINTERS
0:36:16 > 0:36:18You filthy washpot!
0:36:18 > 0:36:21I will cast you into the depths!
0:36:21 > 0:36:22You Moabite!
0:36:22 > 0:36:24GUARD GRUNTS
0:36:24 > 0:36:25You are the whore...
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- WHISTLES BLOW, COMMOTION - ..of Babylon!
0:36:28 > 0:36:30HE ROARS, SCUFFLING
0:36:31 > 0:36:34COMMOTION
0:36:34 > 0:36:36< GRUNTING
0:36:50 > 0:36:53Right, then, the failed priest
0:36:53 > 0:36:55and the frustrated carpenter.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58- I was just playing chess. I didn't even...- Shut it, you bucket!
0:36:58 > 0:37:02I have had the entire situation explained to me.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I suggest a period in the straps, sir, for both.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Perhaps a birch-tree beating.
0:37:09 > 0:37:15I don't dispense justice like a slot machine, Officer, as you know.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19In comes the offence, out goes the justice.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24I want you to know that it was entirely wrong of you
0:37:24 > 0:37:26to attack and insult the chief warder.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28He is none of those things that you called him.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32He symbolises the disapproval of society.
0:37:32 > 0:37:33And, like all prison officers,
0:37:33 > 0:37:35he is a member of the Church of England.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38He is not the "Whore of Babylon".
0:37:41 > 0:37:44But I want you to know that I understand your predicament.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46You are a carpenter by trade
0:37:46 > 0:37:49and I understand that prison life has deprived you
0:37:49 > 0:37:52of your means of self-expression.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55And so, you vent your energies in angry
0:37:55 > 0:37:57and rather foolish outbursts.
0:37:57 > 0:38:01And so, I have seen to it that a carpentry bench
0:38:01 > 0:38:04and a few tools be provided for you.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07Er, here, so...
0:38:07 > 0:38:10Pencil, protractor,
0:38:10 > 0:38:12chisel, hammer
0:38:12 > 0:38:14and a saw.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Now, the first thing I want you to do
0:38:16 > 0:38:19is to repair that stool you broke.
0:38:19 > 0:38:20Do you understand?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23And once you've done that,
0:38:23 > 0:38:26we'll find some other work for you to take satisfaction in.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Perhaps a chest of drawers or a French armoire?
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Thank you, Lord.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37There's no need for formality here.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39Besides, I'm a knight,
0:38:39 > 0:38:41not a peer of the realm...
0:38:41 > 0:38:43- yet. - HE CHUCKLES
0:38:45 > 0:38:46Are you sure this is wise?
0:38:48 > 0:38:53You see, here, we tackle the cause of the trouble, not the symptom.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55And in your case, D4-12,
0:38:55 > 0:38:58I have asked that you join a theological seminar group
0:38:58 > 0:39:00as a matter of urgency.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04The prison chaplain will be visiting you both on that very matter.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Right.
0:39:09 > 0:39:10DOOR CLANKS
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Right, roll call.
0:39:29 > 0:39:30Good morning, chumpies.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- Show yourselves. - HE KNOCKS
0:39:36 > 0:39:37Show yourselves.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39GUARD KNOCKS ON DOORS
0:39:43 > 0:39:44Up you get.
0:39:49 > 0:39:54Behold the head of the false priest!
0:39:57 > 0:39:59I...
0:39:59 > 0:40:02am the sword of Israel.
0:40:04 > 0:40:08HE LAUGHS
0:40:08 > 0:40:09RENDING
0:40:09 > 0:40:10THUDDING
0:40:22 > 0:40:24BELL RINGS
0:40:24 > 0:40:26SOUND DISTORTS
0:40:26 > 0:40:28HE WHIMPERS
0:40:31 > 0:40:33HEARTBEATS THUD, HE PANTS
0:40:40 > 0:40:41Sawed his head off?
0:40:42 > 0:40:44You mean cut his head off.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Sawed his head off.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Governor had given him a carpentry bench.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Poor old Prendy.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52He was never really destined for a happy end, was he?
0:40:52 > 0:40:54He didn't deserve THAT death.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00And Dr Fagan's closed Llanabba Castle, I hear...
0:41:01 > 0:41:03..and set up a nursing home.
0:41:03 > 0:41:04End of an era.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08< Here, hold this.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12HORSE SNORTS
0:41:23 > 0:41:26TRICKLING
0:41:36 > 0:41:37Oi!
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Get back here!
0:41:40 > 0:41:41Oh!
0:41:41 > 0:41:42Sorry!
0:41:42 > 0:41:44GUNFIRE, THEY GRUNT
0:41:51 > 0:41:53Aim at him, for God's sake!
0:41:53 > 0:41:55GUNSHOTS
0:41:59 > 0:42:00Lady Fortune...
0:42:00 > 0:42:02GUNSHOTS CONTINUE
0:42:04 > 0:42:06He'll never make it.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09HUSHED MURMURS
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Shh...
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Hymn 263,
0:42:28 > 0:42:31O God, Our Help In Ages Past.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33ORGAN PLAYS INTRODUCTION
0:42:33 > 0:42:34Stand.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Sing.
0:42:42 > 0:42:49ALL: # O God, our help in ages past...
0:42:49 > 0:42:54FOLLOWING MELODY OF HYMN: # Is there any news on Grimes?
0:42:55 > 0:42:58# What, ain't you heard?
0:42:58 > 0:43:02# His horse came back
0:43:02 > 0:43:07# And he is missing still
0:43:09 > 0:43:12# They've searched the heath
0:43:12 > 0:43:16# And all the farms
0:43:16 > 0:43:22# But still no sign of him
0:43:22 > 0:43:28# They got a shepherd and some dogs
0:43:28 > 0:43:36# That led them to the mire. #
0:43:36 > 0:43:38- They found his hat?- On the bog.
0:43:38 > 0:43:42- But no body? - A horrible death, that mire.
0:43:42 > 0:43:43Do you think he's dead, Philly?
0:43:43 > 0:43:45Really?
0:43:45 > 0:43:47This is Grimes we're talking about.
0:43:47 > 0:43:48An immortal soul.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52The governor has written to the Home Secretary confirming his death.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55No-one survives the mire.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58No-one except Grimes, perhaps.
0:43:58 > 0:43:59Prendy's dead.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02One day, you and I will be dead.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06- But Grimes...- Bogbucket D4-12, you've got a visitor.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08To my AMAZEMENT - it's a woman.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18Margot, my love, I'm so pleased to see you.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Oh, darling, I'm so pleased to see you, too.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24I'm sorry I haven't been able to come sooner to visit,
0:44:24 > 0:44:26but work has been ridiculous.
0:44:26 > 0:44:27TARTLY: Has it?
0:44:27 > 0:44:30I'm so pleased that's going well for you.
0:44:30 > 0:44:31Don't be nasty to me, darling.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34I shan't be able to cope.
0:44:34 > 0:44:35In fact, I'm selling the company.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38That's what's taking up all of my time.
0:44:39 > 0:44:43Oh, how are you? Is it awful here? I've been worried about the food.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45Keep your hands on the table, please.
0:44:45 > 0:44:46Pair of you.
0:44:46 > 0:44:49Good thing I had them manicured.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51How do I look?
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Do I look awful?
0:44:53 > 0:44:55Well, perhaps a little mal soigne.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59Oh, are they feeding you?
0:44:59 > 0:45:00Do you get to wash every day?
0:45:00 > 0:45:02No discussion of prison regime is allowed.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08My, dear! I didn't realise it was going to be like this.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10I don't mind if you want to talk personal.
0:45:10 > 0:45:13I only have to stop conspiracies and plots.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15If you want to talk personal - you can.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19Nothing I hear goes any further. I hear a great deal, I can tell you.
0:45:19 > 0:45:23Why, I've never been made to feel so shy in my life!
0:45:23 > 0:45:26Don't worry, we won't be discussing anything personal.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Margot, I love you,
0:45:28 > 0:45:31but I'm worried that you're sleeping with the Home Secretary.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33You will wait for me, won't you?
0:45:33 > 0:45:37I've only got another six years and ten months to serve.
0:45:37 > 0:45:38Oh, don't worry, darling,
0:45:38 > 0:45:41I'm confident you won't have to serve your full term.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43But I do have some news.
0:45:43 > 0:45:44It's the reason I came.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49I'm going to be marrying Humphrey Maltravers.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Now, I'm sorry, but I've realised he's the one for me.
0:45:54 > 0:45:58And my marrying him may help you, too.
0:45:58 > 0:45:59How can it help me?!
0:46:00 > 0:46:02Darling, don't wail!
0:46:02 > 0:46:03Not in prison.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05It WILL help you.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09I just need you to know that's not why I'm doing it.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12I thought that you'd wait for me. You said that you would.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14I know, but things change.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17This has been terribly difficult for me -
0:46:17 > 0:46:19please don't make it any worse.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22I will make it worse.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26- SHE SCOFFS - In that case...
0:46:28 > 0:46:30..it was wonderful to see you,
0:46:30 > 0:46:33and I hope to see you again very soon.
0:46:33 > 0:46:34Given where I am...
0:46:34 > 0:46:37I may not be able to make the wedding(!)
0:46:37 > 0:46:39You can kiss if you want.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42I know you're not man and wife, but I'm happy to watch that.
0:46:46 > 0:46:47Goodbye, darling.
0:47:03 > 0:47:04You're in luck.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07Your visitor left you some grub.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10In you go!
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Number one diet, it ain't.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17Pigeon pie,
0:47:17 > 0:47:19pate,
0:47:19 > 0:47:21and a bottle of sherry.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23DOOR CLANKS AND SLAMS
0:47:26 > 0:47:29CLATTERING
0:47:33 > 0:47:34HE GRUNTS
0:47:44 > 0:47:47HE SOBS
0:47:55 > 0:47:56Cheers.
0:48:05 > 0:48:06Life.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Life's like a Ferris wheel, ain't it?
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Well, it goes round and round.
0:48:14 > 0:48:15You...
0:48:15 > 0:48:17You can get on and have fun...
0:48:19 > 0:48:22..and go up and down and round and round...
0:48:24 > 0:48:25..or you can stand on the grass...
0:48:26 > 0:48:28..watching.
0:48:30 > 0:48:31Now, I...
0:48:31 > 0:48:33I used to be on the wheel.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37Having fun, going fast.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Up and down, round and round.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44And now, I'm stuck in here.
0:48:45 > 0:48:46Watching.
0:48:46 > 0:48:47Static.
0:48:50 > 0:48:54- HE SOBS - This ain't where I'm supposed to be.
0:49:00 > 0:49:01I think it might be.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14CROAKING
0:49:18 > 0:49:20KNOCKING
0:49:21 > 0:49:23D4-12?
0:49:24 > 0:49:28We have a letter here from the Home Secretary,
0:49:28 > 0:49:32granting you leave to have your appendix removed this afternoon
0:49:32 > 0:49:34at a private nursing home.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40It's not for me. I haven't got an appendix.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42It was taken out when I was at school.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45Nonsense. You can have your other one out.
0:49:45 > 0:49:49We have an order here from Sir Humphrey Maltravers himself
0:49:49 > 0:49:52especially requiring that this operation is done.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Officer, take him away and give him his clothes.
0:49:56 > 0:49:57I'll be at the van.
0:49:57 > 0:49:59Shoes,
0:49:59 > 0:50:00socks...
0:50:01 > 0:50:03..suit,
0:50:03 > 0:50:06pocket watch,
0:50:06 > 0:50:07cigarette case.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09And, um...
0:50:12 > 0:50:13..whatever this is.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46Here's your will for you to sign...
0:50:48 > 0:50:49..should anything go wrong.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Who gave you this?
0:50:56 > 0:50:59The young gentleman that's arranged everything.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Which young gentleman?
0:51:02 > 0:51:04I don't know names,
0:51:04 > 0:51:06but it's very sensible to make a will.
0:51:06 > 0:51:11You never know, with an operation like this, what may go wrong.
0:51:13 > 0:51:14Right...
0:51:17 > 0:51:20Here ends my responsibility.
0:51:20 > 0:51:21From now on,
0:51:21 > 0:51:23the doctor's in charge.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28Get going, then, you filthy bogbucket!
0:51:32 > 0:51:35- Pennyfeather!- Dr Fagan?
0:51:35 > 0:51:38It's a delight to see you again.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Welcome to my nursing home.
0:51:41 > 0:51:42Come on in.
0:51:47 > 0:51:52Home Office regulations meant that we had to put bars
0:51:52 > 0:51:55on these windows for your operation.
0:51:55 > 0:51:58- You're going to be taking out my appendix?- Not me personally.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00Goodness, no.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03Er, Peter's bringing the surgeon to us now.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Well, he's going to need good luck. I haven't got an appendix any more.
0:52:06 > 0:52:07Well, he's highly regarded.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09I'm sure complications like that
0:52:09 > 0:52:11won't be anything he hasn't seen before.
0:52:11 > 0:52:13KNOCKING, HINGES CREAK
0:52:15 > 0:52:19- Paul!- Peter! - How wonderful to see you.
0:52:19 > 0:52:20This is all down to you?
0:52:20 > 0:52:24Well, it's all Mama's idea, but I've been pulling the levers.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25Have you signed your will?
0:52:26 > 0:52:28This is your surgeon.
0:52:28 > 0:52:29Oops-a-daisy...!
0:52:29 > 0:52:32Initially, I thought he was going to be
0:52:32 > 0:52:35too tired to move - but I, um... I managed to get him here.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37Have you got ALL the papers signed?
0:52:37 > 0:52:40Mr Wilson?
0:52:40 > 0:52:43This is your patient!
0:52:43 > 0:52:46What am I doing today?
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Is it another amputation?
0:52:48 > 0:52:50Er, no.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54You're here to remove Mr Pennyfeather's appendix.
0:52:54 > 0:52:55That's right, I remember.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59But before you operate, I have some things for you to sign.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03Now, this is a statement you are to forward to the Home Office,
0:53:03 > 0:53:08a duplicate to Sir Lucas-Dockery at Egdon Heath Prison.
0:53:08 > 0:53:09It's all right. I will sign them.
0:53:09 > 0:53:13They state that you operated for appendicitis,
0:53:13 > 0:53:14but that the patient...
0:53:14 > 0:53:18died under the anaesthetic without regaining consciousness.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- TEARFULLY:- Oh, no! Poor chap!
0:53:21 > 0:53:23No, you must not be sad.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26You did everything you could.
0:53:26 > 0:53:27Yes, I did!
0:53:27 > 0:53:29I really did!
0:53:29 > 0:53:31Poor man.
0:53:31 > 0:53:33I did everything I could!
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Everyone knows that.
0:53:35 > 0:53:36Yes, we DO know.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39And here is the death certificate.
0:53:39 > 0:53:41So, let's sign all these here.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43And then we'll pay you.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45Oh, good. Yes, I do need some money.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48Not sure where all my money goes.
0:53:49 > 0:53:50Here we are.
0:53:50 > 0:53:51HE MUMBLES
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Oh, thank you for your assistance, Nurse.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59Not sure what's wrong with me today.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02Perhaps I need a little sharpener?
0:54:02 > 0:54:05Steady my hand before surgery.
0:54:05 > 0:54:09But you do recall that you performed the operation,
0:54:09 > 0:54:12and, sadly, the patient died?
0:54:12 > 0:54:15You just signed his death certificate.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Oh, yes. Very sad.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20I did all that was humanly possible.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Yes, you did. Here's your money.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24Oh, marvellous, thanks.
0:54:24 > 0:54:26This calls for a little celebration.
0:54:26 > 0:54:29Yes, I think it does. I think the pub should still be open,
0:54:29 > 0:54:33- if you want to go and find one. - I will. Thank you so much.
0:54:33 > 0:54:35It was lovely to meet you all.
0:54:37 > 0:54:38Thank you!
0:54:44 > 0:54:47Now you're a dead man, what will you do?
0:54:47 > 0:54:48I don't know.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Something quiet.
0:54:51 > 0:54:54I wonder what happened to Grimes?
0:54:54 > 0:54:57- Do you think he's dead?- No, I don't.
0:54:58 > 0:54:59What will you do now?
0:55:00 > 0:55:02Go back to King's Thursday.
0:55:02 > 0:55:05Mama will be anxious to know how things have gone.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Say hello from me.
0:55:09 > 0:55:10Do you still love her?
0:55:12 > 0:55:14In a way, I will always love her.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18But I don't think she was very good for me.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24Then, in September, I'm off to Cambridge.
0:55:24 > 0:55:28Good for you. Then you'll become Prime Minister.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30That's what Mama wants.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33Well, good luck.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35You're a rather amazing young man.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38I've always thought that.
0:55:38 > 0:55:39Goodbye, Peter.
0:56:52 > 0:56:56So, Pennyfeather, you're going to be studying theology?
0:56:58 > 0:57:02We had a Pennyfeather here before, you know.
0:57:02 > 0:57:07Um... Yes, I can't remember what he was studying.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10- Yes. A distant cousin, I think. - Ah!
0:57:12 > 0:57:14Yes.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19You look nothing like him.
0:57:19 > 0:57:22I must say, he was a very queer sort of a chap.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25A complete degenerate, I'm afraid.
0:57:25 > 0:57:28Got in with a very rum bunch -
0:57:28 > 0:57:32used to dance round the quad naked.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35I wasn't surprised to hear he'd died in prison.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38That's right. A very queer chap indeed.
0:57:38 > 0:57:41Anyway, I'm sure we shan't be encountering any such behaviour
0:57:41 > 0:57:45- from yourself.- No.
0:57:45 > 0:57:50Someone once told me, a strange German architect, in fact,
0:57:50 > 0:57:52once told me that people are basically divided
0:57:52 > 0:57:56into two different types - static and dynamic.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58Well, I'm pleased to say I've learned I'm very much
0:57:58 > 0:58:00a static type of person.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02I'm glad to hear it.
0:58:02 > 0:58:05We don't want any dynamic people in this college!
0:58:05 > 0:58:07- CHEERING OUTSIDE - Ah!
0:58:10 > 0:58:14The Bolly Club are having their annual dinner.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16They must have started early.
0:58:18 > 0:58:22RAUCOUS CHEERING
0:58:23 > 0:58:25Come on, boys, strip him off!
0:58:25 > 0:58:27- FABRIC RIPS - That's it...
0:58:27 > 0:58:29CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
0:58:31 > 0:58:33- Wonderful! - HE CHUCKLES
0:58:33 > 0:58:36Oh, there'll be some fines tonight!
0:58:36 > 0:58:38CHEERING AND CLAPPING