0:00:15 > 0:00:18Hello, I'm Patrick Kielty. Welcome to Delete, Delete, Delete,
0:00:18 > 0:00:21the show where guests invite me into their online world, to see
0:00:21 > 0:00:25what they get up to in the privacy of their own laptops.
0:00:25 > 0:00:30So, who has agreed to air their digital dirty laundry tonight?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32First up, a woman who, on The Great British Bake Off
0:00:32 > 0:00:37not only won the title of Star Baker, but also the nation's hearts.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39We've all seen how perfect her cakes are,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41but will she be let down tonight by her cookies?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Please welcome Nadiya Hussain.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- Welcome.- Thank you.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59And, joining Nadiya, one of my all-time favourite comedians.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01A star of stage and screen,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05not only is he regarded as a comedy legend, but 20 years after
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Father Ted, he still remains the most trustworthy priest in Ireland.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Would you please welcome Ardal O'Hanlon!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- Guys, welcome to the show. - Thank you.- Thanks for having us.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- It's, it's the dream team.- Yeah.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32So look, before we go any further, Nadiya, this is your phone.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36- Ardal, this is your laptop.- Mm-hm. - You packed them yourselves(?)
0:01:36 > 0:01:41OK. Nadiya, now, you've a young family, you're baking all the time.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Have you any time to go online?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Absolutely. Always.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Like, every gap is just online.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51What sort of stuff are you doing online? Is it research for Bake Off,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54or is it recipes or is it just random stuff? What are you...?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57It's usually recipes, and then sometimes it'll be random things
0:01:57 > 0:02:01like "How tall is Ricky Wilson?" or stuff like that.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- How tall IS Ricky Wilson?- I always have to find out the height of guys
0:02:04 > 0:02:07cos my husband has this thing about height. So, if we meet...
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- I've got to look up "WHO is Ricky Wilson?"- Oh, OK.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13My husband has this height issue, and when I meet someone I say,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16"He's so much taller than you." He's like, "No he's not, check how
0:02:16 > 0:02:18"tall he is." So I'll Google everybody's height.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20OK, so how tall is Ardal O'Hanlon?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- I haven't checked yet.- Yeah?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24How tall are you, Ardal? Do you know?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Yeah, I do know, I looked it up. I am...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Now, something I saw you both like is a little bit of online shopping,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37on sites like these.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Now, Ardal, you've been buying dolls on the internet?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Well, my...- Of yourself?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43No, now, let's put that in context.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46My wife does a lot of shopping on the internet, and I was
0:02:46 > 0:02:49in a show called Doctor Who, and I played this cat character.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52What is this Doctor Who of which you speak?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Yes, it's pre-internet. And the cat was called Brannigan the cat.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58And there was a model produced of the cat, even though I was only
0:02:58 > 0:03:01in it for ten minutes. And my wife wanted an example of this model.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04She couldn't find it anywhere, so she found it on the internet.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05- There it is.- Brannigan the cat, yeah.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- £2.95.- All of £2.95.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Buy it now.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11We also have a little snap of you as Brannigan the cat.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13There you are with David Tennant.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Haven't changed a day.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Jeez, you're looking awful like yourself.- Yeah.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Nadiya, you don't buy much online
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- but do actually quite like checking out online reviews.- I do.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26For what, what type of stuff?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28So it's like hair removal cream.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- LAUGHTER - That. Yeah.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Reviews for hair removal cream?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35..That men have used in the wrong places.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37They're so funny!
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Oh, my God, I know I shouldn't laugh because these poor men have
0:03:43 > 0:03:49literally just burnt their balls and they write these furious reviews,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52like, really angry. You can tell they've literally just...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Like, their pants on the floor and they've said,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57"Right, I'm going to get my laptop
0:03:57 > 0:03:59"cos I'm so furious!"
0:03:59 > 0:04:01And they are just so funny.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05We do actually have a few of the reviews that you've checked out.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06So funny.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Starting gently... "Does the job."
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Does exactly what it says on the tin. Five stars.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Then we move on to...
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Three stars.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- It gets three stars! - It still gets three stars.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Managed to do the job, obviously. - Not entirely unhappy with the product.- It did.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Then we have this one.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52LAUGHTER
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Again, how can you leave them looking like Dresden
0:04:56 > 0:04:59and still give one star?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Can I ask a question? Paddy, you might be able to answer this.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Like, this is a thing I did not know about.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Why are men getting rid of the hair on their balls?
0:05:07 > 0:05:12Like, what's... How hairy are these balls? Like, is this a thing?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13It's called man-scaping.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14I didn't know about it.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- Yeah, it exists. So... - Is it worth a go? I mean...
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I love the fact that you're looking at ME, Ardal, as if I know the answer to this.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23You look very man-scaped, perhaps, that's why.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Do you think I am?- Maybe.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28No, but you're...quite clean cut.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- He looks tidy.- No, like, I keep the pitch in playable order.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- LAUGHTER - Right...
0:05:34 > 0:05:38You know, I'm not lining it out and putting the corner flags on it, I mean...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40You don't have a groundsman.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I don't... LAUGHTER
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Yes, I do.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54You see, I think this is a big thing about the internet, the fact that
0:05:54 > 0:05:58you can go online, you can look at these kind of sites and you can look
0:05:58 > 0:06:01at reviews for these kind of products, and that puts ideas in
0:06:01 > 0:06:03people's heads. Most people, like me, I would say, wouldn't even
0:06:03 > 0:06:07know about that. And now they know about it, and now they're curious,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09and now half this audience are going to go home tonight...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12They're going to go home and check the reviews out.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15OK, just by a show of hands then...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17men who man-scape?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Anybody? - They're not going to tell you.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Anybody man-scape here?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25People are sitting here going "Paddy, it's Belfast, we barely wash them."
0:06:27 > 0:06:30You, sir, you... Do you like a bit of man-scaping?
0:06:30 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Sounds like a yes. - I think he's doing it right now.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36I think he is.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38It's tricky knowing who to trust online.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Take this guy for example. This is Tim Rowett from Grand Illusions,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44who hosts a YouTube toy review channel.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Here he is trying out a selection of toy guns, but something tells me
0:06:47 > 0:06:51he's not entirely sure what he's got his hands on here.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Gun toys are very popular with all ages, from nine to 99,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59but in the 1980s I discovered four particularly clever novelty toys -
0:06:59 > 0:07:01three here from Japan and one from America, which really
0:07:01 > 0:07:04caught my eye and I felt I had to have in my collection.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06This is Vic's Novelties from 1984, this one,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09but it's made of rubber, it's a gun, it's battery operated.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12What happens when you turn on the battery? This extraordinary action.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13GUN VIBRATES
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my. Look at that barrel. And if I point it at the
0:07:17 > 0:07:21camera and then do it the other way - it'll go both ways - it does this
0:07:21 > 0:07:23weird action as if you're drunk or something like that.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26What a wonderful idea for a gun. Quite mad, but great fun.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33"It's a stick up."
0:07:34 > 0:07:37That is a genuine review.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- I'm almost... I'm lost for words. - Yeah.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44- You're going to have to explain to us, we're both very innocent.- Yeah, we don't know what that was about.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I... I don't know. I've...
0:07:48 > 0:07:50I think it's a cake mixer.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- A mixer?- It's a cake mixer.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- It's a mixer, that just go... Yeah, that's what it is.- Yeah.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Stop doing that though.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59It stimulates the cake.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03You need to stop doing that as well, yeah.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05And, Nadiya, with three kids
0:08:05 > 0:08:07there is no surprise
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- that one of the sites that you go on is Netmums.- Netmums.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11This is it, this is Netmums.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Netmums, yeah, that's it.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15And we also have Mumsnet.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Yeah. I went to Netmums, I've been on there. I was 21, just had my son,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22went on there looking for advice, something to do with breast-feeding,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and the information that I got back I thought "Oh, my goodness, I feel
0:08:25 > 0:08:30"awful. I just... I don't feel good about myself any more, I'm a bad parent..."
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Am I allowed to go on these sites? Cos I'm a new dad. Or is it
0:08:32 > 0:08:34mums only or... Like, how does it work?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Well, pretend to be a lady...
0:08:37 > 0:08:39That's bad advice.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43I wish they had sites like Mumsnets when I was a young dad.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46My kids are a bit more grown up now, 18, 16 and 13.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50But we didn't have that. Cos I was absolutely terrified, I don't know about you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Things like winding a baby - I genuinely thought you had to "wind" the baby.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55- And... - LAUGHTER
0:08:55 > 0:08:59You know, you're thinking "How do you "wind" the baby?" Were you given a key...?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Are your kids all right?- They're fine now.- They're fine now?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04They're fine, they've unwound. But...
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I actually went on Mumsnet the other day, and there's some,
0:09:07 > 0:09:11I would say, interesting threads up there, Nadiya.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Let's have a look at this one.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I remember a few memorable poos in inappropriate places.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21- Really?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Well, these are real. - Yeah, the struggle's real.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I remember approaching nappies like, just, five or six weeks old,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30and nothing prepares you really when you open it.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Like, it's bigger than the baby,
0:09:31 > 0:09:35and you think, like, how is that even possible?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Is there not a law of physics that says that that's impossible?
0:09:38 > 0:09:42And then sometimes, I don't know, have you noticed this...?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- You open the nappy and it's all the way up the back...- Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- That's good, yeah.- The first time that happened...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- I've had my first one of those. - Have you?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52..I genuinely thought, "It comes out her ears as well."
0:09:54 > 0:09:57OK, another post on Mumsnet.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Clearly I'm doing something wrong, cos I don't remember any pirate noises ever.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I remember pirate COSTUMES all right...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- What, like Captain... - And a parrot...
0:10:13 > 0:10:16And a parrot...! "Who's a naughty boy?"
0:10:18 > 0:10:21You do have the beard. I mean, that could possibly work for you.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Aaarr. Aye.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27So moving on, let's have a little look at your social media profiles.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Ardal, you can be described as a weak tweeter, which means you were on Twitter...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32for a week.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Just one week. Now, what happened?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I totally got it, I totally liked it,
0:10:37 > 0:10:41I thought it's amazing... but it's too time consuming,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43and it's the abuse kind of thing again.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45GRUMBLING NOISES
0:10:45 > 0:10:48"You're not funny, and, by the way, your dinner's in the oven."
0:10:49 > 0:10:53I've my own live-in troll, so I don't need to add to that legion.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I was on Facebook for, I would say, an hour. Then you start getting
0:10:56 > 0:10:59loads of friend requests and things and...
0:10:59 > 0:11:00That's the whole point.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Yeah, but...- "Wouldn't want to be doing with any friends..."
0:11:03 > 0:11:05No, I don't want to be friends with EVERYBODY.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- Yeah.- Ah.- And I don't want to offend the people who I don't want to be friends with.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- You're too polite for social media. - Exactly.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14You don't like to write on anybody's wall, or poke anybody...
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- No.- No, I like to abuse them verbally, to their face.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Now, Nadiya, you're very big on Twitter, you're very busy.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Yeah.- This is your Twitter profile.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27There it is, lots of followers.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Who is your favourite person on Twitter that you follow, then?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33This is going to sound so cheesy, but I really like following my husband,
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- and that's really dumb because I live with him.- That's not dumb. That's cute.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40So in the house, would you communicate with him by Twitter?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41It's really silly, we have done.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Myself and my wife, we communicate by text in the house sometimes,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46just out of laziness and stuff.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48And she spends a lot of time
0:11:48 > 0:11:51in the evening just texting, you know, before she goes to sleep,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54and I always think that's an important time for couples, just...
0:11:55 > 0:11:58No, I mean just to catch up on the day!
0:11:58 > 0:12:03And so you end up texting her "Would you ever move over? You've got the whole duvet."
0:12:04 > 0:12:08And then I get a text back, "Who is this?"
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Now, there is another man that you follow on the Twitter machine.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Please tell me you are not a Belieber?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Yeah, I do... I'm not ashamed.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I... Well, I was actually, I lie.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33I...I heard a song of his and then I was like, "Do you know what, "I actually really like this song."
0:12:33 > 0:12:35So I followed him, but he doesn't know
0:12:35 > 0:12:37who I am and I'm sure he doesn't care, so...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Ardal, are you a fan of the Belieber?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41No. No...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I genuinely...hate him.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- You just hate him?- Yeah.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50APPLAUSE
0:12:52 > 0:12:54He just hates him.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Now, no matter how nice you are, you're always going to get,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59you know, some negative stuff on Twitter.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Have you had much of that since...?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Yeah. I think, you know, with social media and Twitter
0:13:04 > 0:13:07and things like that, 95% of the time it's great,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and people are really positive, but there is that other...
0:13:10 > 0:13:11(..the dark side.)
0:13:11 > 0:13:16- Mm.- Yeah, there's that side, and there are negative comments.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21I wrote an article for my column, and I'd made a cake with
0:13:21 > 0:13:26Earl Grey tea, and somebody felt the need to say "What do you know
0:13:26 > 0:13:29"about tea, you're not even British, you should be deported."
0:13:29 > 0:13:32And you said, "Yes, deport me back to Luton."
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Yeah. Just send me back to Luton. - You're probably the only person in
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Britain that could be deported by bus. I mean...
0:13:38 > 0:13:41My husband always says, "You know what, I'm going to have a pseudonym
0:13:41 > 0:13:45"account and I'm going to... All these trolls, I'm going to find them and
0:13:45 > 0:13:46"I'm going to have a go at them."
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I said, "Do you know what, actually it's easier just to ignore them cos
0:13:49 > 0:13:53"sometimes you give into it and it just comes back." So my way of
0:13:53 > 0:13:56looking at it is just ignore this, cos most of the time it's positive
0:13:56 > 0:13:58so who cares? So I just don't... I don't let it bother me.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00APPLAUSE
0:14:02 > 0:14:05So actually I did, I found one tweet that at first I thought
0:14:05 > 0:14:08was a troll, but then reading it a little bit more
0:14:08 > 0:14:12I think it's just a badly-worded phrase.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22It sounds like a really good night out where things get out of control.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- Well, you're in the right town for that.- Yeah...!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27That's obviously... that's obviously positive.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30It's... For me, it's kind of typical of Twitter.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32You can be very easily misunderstood,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34or your tweet can be misconstrued.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I know.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Now, the one thing that your Twitter feed is always guaranteed
0:14:39 > 0:14:42to get a reaction for is your husband.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Your husband gets a lot of online love, doesn't he? There he is.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- Average. - LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- He's hot.- Yeah, he did get... I mean, I'm kind of annoyed because
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I win the Bake Off - no, I said "A WOMAN wins the Bake Off, and
0:14:56 > 0:14:59"he gets all the attention." So I was like, "Well, we need to get you
0:14:59 > 0:15:01"off Twitter, cos this is kind of annoying."
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I think he enjoys it though. Yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Well, we do, we actually have a few of the messages
0:15:06 > 0:15:09that went out there after the Bake Off...
0:15:19 > 0:15:21We've also got this one...
0:15:27 > 0:15:30But you seem to have found the perfect solution to Abdul's female following -
0:15:30 > 0:15:31- his wedding ring?- Yes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33We have this...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I did. He won't wear a wedding ring, ever. Like, he never
0:15:35 > 0:15:39would wear one. And I said, "I think we need to get you a wedding ring."
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I didn't do it to mark my territory or anything...
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I did a little bit, actually.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I was starting to get a little bit worried cos he was just kind
0:15:46 > 0:15:49of like, "Ooh, look at these ladies who really love me." And I was like
0:15:49 > 0:15:52"You know, let's just put a ring on that. Let's just deal with it."
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I think this is a very, very cunning plan, isn't it?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59You know, step one, put the wedding ring on him - step two, feed him with cake so he can't
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- get the wedding ring off.- Off. That's a good idea.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04That's a good idea.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Now, Nadiya, when you were on Bake Off you had your own hashtag, which was this.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12- Yes.- This was absolutely brilliant.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17This was all of the facial expressions that you pulled whenever you were on Bake Off.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20We've got a selection of them here. There you are.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Oh!- Like a one-woman emoji.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Yeah. I didn't know it did that - like, when I
0:16:25 > 0:16:29watched it back I was like, "Dad, my face does that?"
0:16:29 > 0:16:34And he was like, "Yeah." And I'm going "You could have told me before I went on national television."
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Like, I can't believe it does that - it's doing it now, isn't it?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39No... We think this is very, very cute.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Now, Ardal, you're no stranger to pulling faces yourself...
0:16:44 > 0:16:46So it's very, very hard to choose
0:16:46 > 0:16:48a winner between you two guys,
0:16:48 > 0:16:51so what we need is a Great British Face Off to decide. So, let's see
0:16:51 > 0:16:55your best facial expressions for the following scenarios.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00It's the final of the Bake Off,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02and your cake has just collapsed.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14You've just won backstage passes to Justin Bieber.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24One to finish. Your partner starts making parrot noises during sex.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Oh!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35And I think just by a hair's breadth, the winner is Nadiya!
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Waaay!
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- It was very close. It was very close.- I couldn't compete with that.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47OK, we've seen some of the places that you've been online, now
0:17:47 > 0:17:51it's time to have a look at some of the questions that you've been asking the internet.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Nadiya, starting with you.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- So, I did the cake for the NTAs this year.- This is the National
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- Television Awards?- National Television Awards, and I presented
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- an award on there... - There's Dermot with the cake, yeah.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12God, that cake was so hard to make. Just nightmares.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Why was it tricky to make?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Because it's three foot tall.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19But Dermot's only four foot six. I mean...
0:18:19 > 0:18:22But I was... Because I'd never been to anything so enormous,
0:18:22 > 0:18:24and I just was so scared.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Then I went on YouTube, and I scared myself even more...
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Because it's at the 02.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Exactly, so I needed to know how many people attend
0:18:30 > 0:18:32so I can scare myself some more.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36How weird is it, you know, being a home baker and then you get your
0:18:36 > 0:18:40cakes judged, and then suddenly one day you walk out your door, millions
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and millions of people know who you are, you're going to these big
0:18:43 > 0:18:47award ceremonies - do you embrace that, or is it an easy adjustment?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's changed life completely. Like, I don't... I mean, I spend a lot more
0:18:50 > 0:18:54time online doing my shopping now, because sometimes going out and
0:18:54 > 0:18:58getting a pint of milk is a lot harder. And I welcome it because I
0:18:58 > 0:19:01enjoy it and, you know, I've just been thrust into this world that I
0:19:01 > 0:19:05knew nothing about and suddenly, you know, it's nice. I enjoy it, so...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08OK, we're going to take a quick break from what you've been up to
0:19:08 > 0:19:13on the web, and move on to the part of the show that we call...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Ardal, let's begin with you.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18You don't look at yourself much online, we've established that.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Never, never, never.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Our first little titbit is this.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Have you stalked your own stalker?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Not yet, not yet. I may do. I may do someday.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I don't know if you've found this, but when you're in the public
0:19:36 > 0:19:39eye at all, you will get the odd menacing letter.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Mm.- I suppose it's like trolling.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45And I remember many, many years ago -
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I think I was doing Father Ted, living in London - and I remember
0:19:48 > 0:19:51getting this letter. And it was along the lines of "Oh, you've gone
0:19:51 > 0:19:55"over to England and you've taken the Queen's shilling, and who do you
0:19:55 > 0:19:58"think you are, you're a disgrace to the country and if I ever see you
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- "I'll kill you." All this kind of stuff.- Oh, God.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03So, I looked at the postmark on it, and I showed it to someone and they
0:20:03 > 0:20:06said, "Oh, I think that's in this little place in the west of Ireland
0:20:06 > 0:20:09"somewhere and it's a very small little community." And I said "Oh,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12"I've a friend who goes on holidays there." So I rang up my friend and
0:20:12 > 0:20:14said, "Is this the postmark of the place you go on holidays?"
0:20:14 > 0:20:16And he said, "It is."
0:20:16 > 0:20:20And I said, "Who would have a typewriter in that town?" And he said...
0:20:20 > 0:20:22LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:25And he said, "The only person that could be is this old ranter and raver."
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I think he was a retired schoolteacher, in the local pub
0:20:28 > 0:20:31every night, who was always giving out about everybody on the telly.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36So that's Ireland for you, you're able to track down the people who...
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- Want to kill you.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41So being a stalker in Ireland is a rubbish occupation.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Nadiya, now it is your turn. This is a lovely one.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50- Ah, that's sweet. - That's lovely, isn't it?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Cos you've inspired a lot of art since the Bake Off.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54There has been a lot of art.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57There has. Let's have a look at some. We've got this one.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Oh, I haven't seen that. I mean, I look really slim in that one so
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- that's quite...- That's quite cute, isn't it?- That's a good one.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05They took off ten pounds, that's good.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06- This one...- Oh! Wow.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11What happened to the eye there, the left eye?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17And we've got this one...
0:21:17 > 0:21:18- Yes.- This is an actual cake.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- That's a cake, the whole thing is a cake.- That's good.- Wow.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25I remember that tweet. Somebody sent it and said they'd never had
0:21:25 > 0:21:27so much fun layering fondant,
0:21:27 > 0:21:30because she'd done the scarf by layering fondant.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32I just... I love that, that is... What a clever lady.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I think that is. That's really impressive, it really is.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- That's really impressive, that is. - That deserves a round of applause.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44It is pretty technical what's going on there,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and not everyone can do it,
0:21:46 > 0:21:50which is why the site cakewrecks.com
0:21:50 > 0:21:53perfectly illustrates what happens when things go wrong.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Now, we've got a few examples here. Real cakes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03We've also got this one...
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Oh, my goodness.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10I love that, somebody's done that
0:22:10 > 0:22:14and really proudly kind of presented that and said... And didn't...
0:22:14 > 0:22:17"Wh...What would you like? Yeah, in purple, yes, yes..."
0:22:17 > 0:22:21"Yeah, and I'll do the purple in big bold kind of letters at the bottom."
0:22:21 > 0:22:25So as you can see, not just any idiot can decorate a cake,
0:22:25 > 0:22:27but two of them are going to give it a try now.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Yes, we have Nadiya here.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Ardal, would you like to slip on your apron?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I'm going to slip on my apron,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38and Ardal and I are going to decorate
0:22:38 > 0:22:40each other's faces on a cake.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41APPLAUSE
0:22:44 > 0:22:46OK. Here we go.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- So Ardal, you're actually going to be putting my face on the cake.- OK.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- I'm going to be putting your face on my cake.- OK.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- OK?- I think that looks pretty much like you.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03LAUGHTER
0:23:09 > 0:23:11So we're up against the clock here and...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'll Ready, Steady, Bake you in, yeah?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Yes.- OK.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16- Ready...- Yes.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17..steady, bake.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20HOOTER SOUNDS
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- Got to get a bit of Ardal's beard in, I think.- Ooh!
0:23:23 > 0:23:24I think we've got the hair.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29OK, we've got a little bit of that.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Little bit of dandruff.- Oh...
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, Jeez, there's Ardal with the big beard.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38There's the moustache coming over there.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41I think this is the wrong shape for your face, Paddy.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48There we go...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Wow, what's that?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54That is erm...Paddy's brain.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- What colour are your eyes, Ardal, what colour are your eyes?- Blue.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Blue, blue. Hang on...
0:24:03 > 0:24:06There we go.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08What about teeth for him? I need some teeth. Hang on.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Ah... "How you getting on, Ted?"
0:24:10 > 0:24:11There we go.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15There we go. Oh, there's a tooth missing at the front.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- You know that less is more?- No, I know.- You don't have to use...
0:24:18 > 0:24:19- I'm going to roll it.- OK...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21LAUGHTER
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Little bit of grey.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Mother of...
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- What in the name of God is that? - I wouldn't look that way.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- Is that going to work? - I forgot the ears. Oh, no!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Five seconds, five seconds.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38HOOTER SOUNDS
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Little bit of blond in the hair.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Put it down! Back, back, back. Done, done.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I don't think it's any contest.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Is Ardal... LAUGHTER
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Has Ardal covered up his creation, or is that...?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- That is THE creation.- That is the creation?- The creation.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00If you'd like to just turn your creation round and you can actually...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- Is there a right way round? - There is, yes.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- Is there?- It's pretty clear.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06You obviously see something I don't.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09What do we think of that, Nadiya?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Good Lord, for once I am speechless.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I think it's an abstract piece
0:25:12 > 0:25:13- more than anything.- Artistic.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16I think it captures the real Patrick.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Anyone who knows Paddy well will know that is...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I'm entering the Bake Off next year.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27That...That's...
0:25:27 > 0:25:28CHEERING
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I mean, to be fair...
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Oh, Ardal. Oh, you're too...
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Oh...
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh, Ardal, oh, no!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Oh, no, Ardal!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42So, we need a winner, we need a winner, Nadiya...
0:25:42 > 0:25:44SHE SIGHS
0:25:44 > 0:25:46The suspense is killing us.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Yeah, that's what I'm doing. It's...
0:25:48 > 0:25:53This one captured...so much more than just your face. I...
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I feel...
0:25:55 > 0:25:59I feel like you captured the real Paddy. So it'll have to be you.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- And so...- Hey! Thank you.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Great effort though.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09And so - I can't believe I'm saying these words -
0:26:09 > 0:26:11the winner...is Ardal!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Come on...
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Now, Nadiya and Ardal, you're not the only ones who like to visit
0:26:26 > 0:26:30the weird and wonderful internet - before the show this evening
0:26:30 > 0:26:34I asked our audience to share with me some of their favourite sites,
0:26:34 > 0:26:38and you won't be surprised to discover that not all of them were suitable for television, but...
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Where is Sam and Emma?
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Do we have Sam and Emma?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45There we are, give them a round of applause.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- Hi, guys.- Hiya.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Welcome to the show. BOTH: Thank you.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56Now, what have you been looking at online that you would like to share with the group?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Humping turtles.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Humping turtles?- Turtles. - OK, let's have a look.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28They're only CALLED Crocs. They're not real crocodiles.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Why do you love that clip so much?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Well, we're getting married in a couple of months and we were looking
0:27:35 > 0:27:38for some tips, inspiration for the wedding night...
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Is it that you don't know what to do?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42LAUGHTER
0:27:44 > 0:27:47More questions than answers, I think.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- So it's basically educational for you, is that it?- Yeah, yeah.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Well, there's always that... There's always the toy gun.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56There IS the... LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Thank you so much, Sam and Emma!
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Well, that's all we have got time for tonight.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Nadiya and Ardal, here's your laptop and your phone back.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Thank you so much. Give them a round of applause.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Nadiya Hussain and Ardal O'Hanlon!
0:28:24 > 0:28:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Join me next time, when we'll be rewriting the internet histories
0:28:29 > 0:28:31of more brave guests on Delete, Delete, Delete.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32Goodnight.