0:00:14 > 0:00:17APPLAUSE
0:00:20 > 0:00:24Good evening.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Easy now. Hello, and welcome to Delete Delete Delete,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34the show where my guests allow me to hack their computers,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37download the juicy stuff and then share it for your entertainment.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Yes, folks, it's exactly like WikiLeaks,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43except I don't have to blow up my bed or my girlfriend every night
0:00:43 > 0:00:45in the Ecuadorian Embassy.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47LAUGHTER
0:00:47 > 0:00:50We have three fantastic guests for you tonight. Shall we get them out?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- ALL:- Yes!- Yes!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55First up, a man who has a lot in common with me.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58He became a star in his early 20s
0:00:58 > 0:01:02and his career has been going downhill ever since,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04mainly because we both love the big weekend on the piste.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Please welcome British Winter Olympian turned
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Ski Sunday legend, Graham Bell.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17My life is on here.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Next up, a comedian whose mum is an author,
0:01:25 > 0:01:29her dad is a playwright and her brother is an artist.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32So, if she's looking for a highbrow, intellectual conversation,
0:01:32 > 0:01:33I am just the man...
0:01:33 > 0:01:35to direct her to a different studio.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38But we are delighted she's here.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Please welcome the fabulous Francesca Martinez.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Thank you.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Hello.- Hello.- Hey!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- How you doing?- I'm good, how are you?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Oh!- Come this way.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Lovely.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Like a relay run.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Thank you.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14And finally, a woman who spent years sharing the GMTV sofa
0:02:14 > 0:02:16with none other than Eamonn Holmes,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20so if anyone can pretend to be enjoying herself whilst an Irish man
0:02:20 > 0:02:23talks out of his arse... LAUGHTER
0:02:23 > 0:02:26..it's the lovely Fiona Phillips.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Hey, gorgeous. You well?- Good. Good to see you.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Ah! Welcome to the show.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- Thank you.- Good to be here.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Of course, Fiona, you will fit in very well here in Belfast,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51because, online, one of the first things we found out,
0:02:51 > 0:02:53you've quite an Irish nickname as a child.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Oh, Mrs Guinness. How do you know that?
0:02:57 > 0:02:58We know everything.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Well, my grandad owned a pub, fortunately,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04and we used to go in there just as a family
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and it was back in the '60s, so the locals were in the front bar,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10it was lino on the floor,
0:03:10 > 0:03:16Guinness on tap and my mum just used the pour me half pints of Guinness.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- I was three. - LAUGHTER
0:03:19 > 0:03:25- Wow.- I have to say, Fiona, even in Ireland that is getting hats off.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28There's alcoholics in the front row that are going...
0:03:28 > 0:03:30"Strong game. That's a very strong game."
0:03:30 > 0:03:36I love Belfast and Ireland because everyone's a bit wobbly here.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Now, of course, Graham,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50we're not huge on winter sport here in Belfast,
0:03:50 > 0:03:56although we are a fan of a ski mask even in the summer.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59That's what I've heard. I've actually skied in Belfast.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- I used to come over when I was a kid.- What?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I used to come over on the boat from Scotland,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06cos I grew up in Edinburgh, and we had this international race
0:04:06 > 0:04:10and we skied at the dry slope in Craigavon.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE Yes.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I'm actually glad you said the dry slope.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17I actually thought that this was kind of a bit of snow on Cave Hill
0:04:17 > 0:04:21and the bobsleigh was just joyriders on an upturned bonnet.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Now, Francesca, the first thing that caught our eye on your computer,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I hope you don't mind, but we had a little look at your e-mails.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- OK.- And there is a work e-mail here. - Yeah.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Because you have done a lot of acting - Grange Hill,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Extras with Ricky Gervais.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44Would you say you're fussy when it comes to the roles that you accept?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Well, I think being a comedian makes you a bit fussy cos we write all
0:04:48 > 0:04:53our own stuff, so I think when we get offered parts,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56we can be quite critical.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59So, maybe I am a little bit fussy.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Well.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05Well, um, yeah, the e-mail's going to shed more light on that.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Yes, I think it is.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11The role is Claire, that you turned down.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14The role of Claire, a girl in a coma.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:05:16 > 0:05:23Your e-mail, Francesca, is...how can I put it, polite but firm.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49She continues.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22So, who got the role? Was it the shoe or the carrot?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Well, my first issue with it was
0:06:25 > 0:06:30offering a wobbly girl the part of a girl who can't move.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Problematic.
0:06:32 > 0:06:39- Yes.- And also I just thought why not cast an object instead.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42OK, Fiona, you're very chilled out.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Am I?- I think you are.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47We've worked together a few times and nothing really fazes you.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Maybe, I do put my foot in it a lot, verbally.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- Quite often.- In what way?
0:06:52 > 0:06:58Just I say... As my husband's advice to me before coming here was -
0:06:58 > 0:07:00think before you open your mouth.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06We think we found the secret to your relaxed persona.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10You've been checking out these online.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23What do you want to say about these, Fiona?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I have got brothers, I've got sons,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I'm constantly surrounded by testicles.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33And all the things that go with it -
0:07:33 > 0:07:36man-sized tissues up in the bedrooms.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- LAUGHTER - I've got teenage boys.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42So, hang on, when you're the mum and you've got teenage boys,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45do you leave the tissues there.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Yes, in case they get a cold.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54That didn't happen when I was growing up in Dundrum.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57You could barely get the door locked in the bathroom to get a sneaky peek
0:07:57 > 0:08:01at the Kays catalogue. LAUGHTER
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Now, did you actually buy these?
0:08:06 > 0:08:11No, I didn't buy them, I just thought that they were amusing.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Well, you don't need to buy them because we've actually...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18..bought some for you. There you go.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20SHE SCREAMS
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Oh, gosh, it's got a thing inside them.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26No, they actually have little rubber...
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Now, I had a mate who just had a ball taken out
0:08:31 > 0:08:35because he had testicular cancer, but they put an implant in.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38So, they replaced it with a kind of fake ball
0:08:38 > 0:08:40and I was saying he should get one that lights up.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41You know like those toys?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44You hit it and it will kind of flash.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:50How do they feel?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- They feel like...- They feel like a young person's.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- And slightly round.- They're not as flaccid as what I've been used to.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03So, you're used to the lower hanging fruit, is that it?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I don't think your husband's...
0:09:07 > 0:09:11I wasn't talking about my husband, it's before my husband.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- They're quite disturbing. - They really are.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- They are quite disturbing.- Yeah! I don't...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18They're actually not relaxing at all, are they? They're...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Well, you say that because we've actually...
0:09:21 > 0:09:24If you notice we have three of these, we did actually have four.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27But I had mine in rehearsals
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- and I was just trying to de-stress. - Yeah.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Did you break the testicle?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Have a look at this.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Oh!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I should try not to ruin the set.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Slightly more realistic than we first thought!
0:09:59 > 0:10:04Fiona, now you're also quite a fan of sites like this.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- Alternative health.- Yes.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10I haven't had a GP since I was a child until very recently.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11- You've just got Guinness.- Yeah!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Just cos Guinness, obviously, did the trick!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Guinness is good for you.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18It's better than having antibiotics.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- It is, unless you've got a killer infection.- Yeah.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26And also, I'm older than you are
0:10:26 > 0:10:30and there are things that happen to women around that age.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- Yes.- Yeah. It's not very nice.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33I love that this has turned into
0:10:33 > 0:10:36a very Les Dawson-type chat now, hasn't it?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39You're essentially talking about the menopause, is that right?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40I am, I am! Yeah.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I could put a little garden fence here and say...
0:10:43 > 0:10:46HE MUMBLES AND MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Do you guys self-diagnose?
0:10:50 > 0:10:54No, because you Google something like a sore ear
0:10:54 > 0:10:57and then you think you've got one hour to live.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00It's too scary, isn't it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Like, you can scare yourself so much.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I think you can. I mean...
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Yeah.- Maybe not for illnesses, but for injuries.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10If I've got an injury, then I'm like,
0:11:10 > 0:11:12"Oh, how long is that going to take to heal?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15"I've broken my ribs. Do I need to go and see a doctor?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"No, I probably don't." I mean, I did hear once,
0:11:17 > 0:11:22a doctor just keeps the patients amused while they heal themselves.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24That's the job of the doctor.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Sounds like a really shit doctor.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31We've also had a little look online
0:11:31 > 0:11:34and we found some other alternative therapies.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Now, as our resident expert, Fiona,
0:11:36 > 0:11:41you should be able to tell us what is real and what is fake.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43What do we think? Beer spa.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Yeah. They are using red wine in beauty salons now,
0:11:47 > 0:11:51for skin treatments and stuff, so I reckon the beer spa could be real.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- What do you think, Francesca? - What do you mean?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Do you mean you bathe in beer or do you mean you just drink beer?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Cos that's just a pub.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05It does look like a pub.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12In Belfast, we normally throw it around ourselves.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14At a certain time of the evening.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15What do we think, Graham?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Bathing in beer, I think it's real, I'm going to go real.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- OK.- Fake.- Fake?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Yeah.- Francesca says fake.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Beer spa therapy is real.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Yeah, 'course it is.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27- There it is.- Really?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What a weekend that is with the missus(!)
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Next one, Fiona, what do we think of this?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Mmm.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Are you massaging the snake
0:12:38 > 0:12:39or is the snake massaging you?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45That is the question!
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- Let me think.- Maybe if it was doing its stuff all over your back in a
0:12:49 > 0:12:52thrusting, hard, pummelling way, it might work.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59If you put a snake on my back, I would not be relaxed.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03We don't have any snakes in Ireland cos...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05LAUGHTER
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Whenever I was a kid I was told,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14"What did St Patrick say to the snakes when he was driving
0:13:14 > 0:13:15"them out of Ireland?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17"Would you put your belts on there in the back?"
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- What do we think? You think this is real or what?- Yeah.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- I think it's real.- Yeah?- No.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27I'm going with real.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29This is...
0:13:29 > 0:13:31real.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Oh, look at that. - It originated in Bali.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37During the therapy, a number of snakes get on your back,
0:13:37 > 0:13:38of varying lengths and sizes.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Non-venomous snakes are used to treat deep-tissue pains.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Smaller snakes are used for light massaging of more tender areas.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Mmm. - GRAHAM SCOFFS
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Finally, this one.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Urine therapy. Have you heard of this?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57It's really antiseptic, urine, apparently.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01It is an antiseptic when it first comes out, it's antiseptic.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- It heals things.- Is that why people pee on each other for jellyfish
0:14:04 > 0:14:05stings?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Or maybe your mates just hate you.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Is this where you drink it?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18It looks like a potent brew, that one as well, doesn't it?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- That is pretty potent. - That's horrible urine!
0:14:20 > 0:14:21That one looks like a Sunday morning
0:14:21 > 0:14:23after 12 pints of Guinness.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26So, here's one I prepared earlier.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Is that really apple juice?- No!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Go on, pass it here.- Are you sure?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- There you go.- Taste some.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- I'm not going to taste it.- Taste it!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- OK. There you go.- No.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- It is a nice? No. - What do you think?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48You're more than welcome to have a sip of my pee!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- What do you reckon? - Go on! Go on, Mr apple juice!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Have a sip!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Go on, Mr apple juice, let's have you!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- I think that's real. - Oh, my God, really?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58It's got no scent whatsoever.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- I know, aren't I fabulous?! - Aren't you clean!
0:15:02 > 0:15:03That's amazing.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Go on, I'll have it, I'll have a taste.- Oh, no!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Shall I have a taste? Yes?
0:15:09 > 0:15:13WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- I'm going to do it as well now. - Oh, my...
0:15:24 > 0:15:27And that is the moment that Graham Bell realised
0:15:27 > 0:15:29that that is not apple juice.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34You are a very healthy man, because that tasted very good.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36It didn't taste bad.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Well, look, I'll send you a bottle for Christmas.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42You could sell it on the internet.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Time now to have a little look at some of the viral videos
0:15:44 > 0:15:46that you've been checking out online.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Graham, first up, this is yours.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50It's a belter.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- ON VIDEO:- 'This evening, what I'm going to do is I'm going to...
0:15:53 > 0:15:56'See this lamppost here? I'm going to try and jump over it.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02'Whoa!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04'You OK? Do you know where you are?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06'I just can't breathe that well.'
0:16:11 > 0:16:15The lights are on, but no-one is home.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- What is this?- See, that is a mate of mine, a snowboarder.
0:16:19 > 0:16:25And he does viral videos and that one, the lamp hugger,
0:16:25 > 0:16:26actually went quite big.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29What's the difference between a skier and a snowboarder?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Because it seems to me that they're not fair bedfellows, are they?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Well, no, they used to be. There used to be a kind of culture clash there.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38They had to kind of hate each other.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40But they don't any more. And I snowboard.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44I get on well with Ed Leigh, who I co-present Ski Sunday with,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48and also, skiers are kind of doing the things that snowboarders used
0:16:48 > 0:16:50to do as well. So, they are equally as mad.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53How much of your own piss do you need to drink
0:16:53 > 0:16:56before attempting that?
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Francesca, this is one of your clips that you have watched quite a bit.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- ON VIDEO:- 'I need to get my car out.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- 'Caravan comes off... - How did that even happen?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16'It'll come under fall pipe, go on.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17'Are you ready, then?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19'Go on, give it some.'
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I love the mates are just standing there
0:17:30 > 0:17:32and you can hear them laughing.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33They are so feckless.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38So this is someone trying to go on holiday, is it?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39I don't know...
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Well, I didn't need that information to enjoy the clip.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- It came apart really easily, didn't it?- Yeah.- It didn't take much
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- to pull the bottom out.- That's why you should never sit in a caravan
0:17:51 > 0:17:53when it's being towed on the motorway. Or anywhere.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- Cos they fall apart often.- Yeah, they go like matchsticks.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57My dad turned one over once.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00We used to live in a caravan... Well, we didn't live in a caravan,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02we used to stay in a caravan when we went skiing in Scotland.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06I would go with - we used to live in a caravan.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Some people love that, though, don't they? They love camping.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I bloody hate camping.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14I like walls and a bed.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- Yeah.- I'm kind of similar.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The whole tent thing...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I love camping! I'd camp in anything.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Snow holes, igloos...
0:18:23 > 0:18:28I want where I'm going on holiday to be better than my house.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32You should see the shithole he lives in, though.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Now, you don't really like this type of thing do you, Fiona?
0:18:37 > 0:18:42- These type of clips?- I don't know where I'd find time in the day.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45In the front, they're agreeing with me. We're busy, aren't we?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47We're too busy to be sitting down in the middle of the day,
0:18:47 > 0:18:48watching people...
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Too busy to look up alternative health therapies?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55That's for my health!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Now, Fiona, in the online world,
0:19:00 > 0:19:03there's a lot of very weird and wonderful stuff out there.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05We found this.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- This is the...- What on earth is that?
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- What is that?!- This is the Fiona Phillips premium cushion.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Who on earth would want that?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- Honestly.- Well, there are people out there.- I wonder, I wonder who.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26No! That's horrible!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I can sit on my sofa and pretend to be Eamonn Holmes.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34It's quite nice.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- I think if you want to have one there, Graham.- Gosh.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- Is that weird for you?- Isn't that odd? Can't imagine who would want it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I could take it home and put it in the middle of our bed
0:19:41 > 0:19:44and pretend we're having a threesome.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50How odd!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55My wife's going to kill me after this.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And it seems to be wipe clean.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00It's a bit worrying.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Oh, it's plastic as well! It's horrible!
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Actually it is.- I didn't realise that.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12I'll be taking this home tonight.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21OK, we'll pop these...
0:20:21 > 0:20:23There we go, lovely.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26We'll just get these out of the way. There we go.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31There we go. Lovely.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Now, Graham, I also noticed recently,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37you were in the market for one of these.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Oh, yeah.- Hot tub!
0:20:39 > 0:20:40When did you first have a love of hot tubs?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Skiing. It's apres-ski, isn't it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46So, you spend the whole day skiing hard on the piste,
0:20:46 > 0:20:48and you either come back and have a sauna if you're in Austria,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51or if you're in America, you go and sit in a hot tub.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- And drink beer.- Cos the sauna thing when you go skiing, for me,
0:20:54 > 0:20:55it's a bit weird, isn't it?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- It's all naked.- Yes!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59It's just these Austrians just...
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- We're getting back to the ball thing again!- Yeah. It feels all a bit...
0:21:04 > 0:21:07You need the stressticles. The two of you look as though...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10What happens is, you go into the sauna and you know your balls have
0:21:10 > 0:21:14to be exactly one degree less than body temperature?
0:21:14 > 0:21:15That's why when you get really cold,
0:21:15 > 0:21:19they shoot up and when you get really warm they dangle down.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24- It's true.- That's why they are outside your body.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28You just say that as if everybody here should know.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34So, then your testicles have to remain at one degree less than body
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- temperature.- That's why they are outside your body.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38They go down your gubernaculum.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40That's why they're called knackers.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41It's true!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Your gubernaculum? - It's a gubernaculum.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Is that a ski lift?
0:21:47 > 0:21:51How do you two know so much about testicles?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56This show is a load of old bollocks, isn't it?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00You've only just worked this out?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05OK, ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer,
0:22:05 > 0:22:09unless, of course, you're online, which is a relief for our guests,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12as it is time to check out their internet searches.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Let's have a look at yours, Francesca.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18"Where can I buy a Nokia 2310."
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Manchester map, Wakefield map, Edinburgh map.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24It's almost as if the Nokia 2310 doesn't have maps,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Francesca, isn't it?
0:22:27 > 0:22:32OK, this is going to sound really weird, but I don't have an iPhone.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36I'm obsessed with Nokia 2310,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39because the battery lasts for a week!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42That's cos you can't do anything on it.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Also, no-one will steal it.- Here it is.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Well, that's my plan! No-one will ever take that phone.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I left it on the tube once and it was there a week later.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I'd love one. I'm sick of the iPhone.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Do you remember playing Snake? Can you play Snake on it?
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Do I remember it? I have it!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- I've had mine for six years. - Yeah.- Six years.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18And I'm so worried that they're going to go out of circulation,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21that I stockpile them from eBay.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24That's brilliant.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27We noticed that you bought ten.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I bought ten off a guy in Germany.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34And I was so happy when I found them.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38I was like, "Oh, my God, this is a great day!"
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Are you sure you're not running a drugs cartel?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I actually think that this could work for you.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I think as a drugs mule.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- It would because...- No-one's going to suspect me, are they?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Well, this is the thing. When you go through the airport,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55do you get searched? Would you get searched, do you think, if you had...?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59If I have that... I'm thinking about having that up my arse,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02but that's not how it works.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04The drugs go up your arse.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Yes, the drugs go up the arse, the phone stays in the bag.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Got a bit confused there.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13The worst drug mule in the world.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18OK. Let's have a little look at some of your other searchers.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23"Is it normal to fart after eating cabbage?"
0:24:23 > 0:24:24"How far do you carry the Olympic torch?"
0:24:24 > 0:24:26"Who is Bear Grylls?"
0:24:26 > 0:24:28"How close are we to achieving eternal life?"
0:24:28 > 0:24:33"Is 'Michael Jackson died' slang for good luck?"
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Now, did you Google this before or after eating the cabbage?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40It was after and I was a bit windy...
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Well, I was very, very windy and I got a bit worried.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49- Aw...- But that is normal, so, it's OK, guys.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51The thing about farting and cabbage
0:24:51 > 0:24:55is that the smell of the fart is just marginally worse
0:24:55 > 0:24:56than the smell of the cabbage.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Here's the thing, so would you fart in front of your partner?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04- No!- Really?
0:25:04 > 0:25:08But she farts like a trooper... No, she doesn't.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- No.- But how does that happen?
0:25:10 > 0:25:15How do you live with someone for ten years and not fart in front of them?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I don't know, I've only lived with her for five.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23"Is 'Michael Jackson died' a slang for good luck?"
0:25:23 > 0:25:28OK, a few years ago, I had a sitcom project
0:25:28 > 0:25:33and I got to pitch it to HBO, in LA, where you live.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37And just before the pitch, I'm sitting there and I get a text -
0:25:37 > 0:25:40on my Nokia phone -
0:25:40 > 0:25:43and it's from one of my friends, she said,
0:25:43 > 0:25:49"I really hope your meeting goes well. Michael Jackson's just died."
0:25:49 > 0:25:54And I thought, "Is this slang for break a leg?"
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Oh, my God.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09OK, now, my lovely guests aren't the only ones who have been looking at
0:26:09 > 0:26:11some weird and wonderful things online.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Before the show, we asked the studio audience
0:26:13 > 0:26:15what they've been looking at online.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19We have some of them here. Where is Andrew McCarroll?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Andrew McCarroll. Give Andrew a round of applause.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28OK, Andrew, what have you been looking at online?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I've been looking at exotic wakes.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You know the way a wake is a celebration of someone's life
0:26:34 > 0:26:36and it's usually quite a sober affair.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39But looking online, you'll see something very different.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43So, a wake is, obviously, something that we have here in Ireland
0:26:43 > 0:26:47where we lay the corpse out, people come to the house,
0:26:47 > 0:26:49they pretend they are sorry the first night,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52and get drunk the second night.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- That's basically it.- Yeah, basically.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56So, what is an exotic wake?
0:26:56 > 0:26:59It's like a scene from the person's life.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Remember, the person is dead and they're set up in this position,
0:27:02 > 0:27:04as if they were still alive.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07OK, let's have a look at some of this.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08These are real wakes.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Now, is the theme of the wake the cause of death?
0:27:17 > 0:27:18How does this work?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I think just how they want is to be remembered.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21How they want to be remembered?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I think we've got a couple more of these, real wakes.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Oh, my gosh.- Wow.- That is spooky.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Yeah. Isn't it?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Let's have a look at another one here.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- Whoa!- Who's dead? Which one's dead?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41It's the guy in the glasses who's dead, is that right?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Yeah, he looks like a gangsta rapper, doesn't he?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- It's bit creepy. - It is a bit creepy.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48There he is, playing a game of poker there.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51They couldn't find a heart, but they are looking for spades.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00What do you do for a living?
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Grave maintenance and renovation in cemeteries across Northern Ireland.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Give him a round of applause. There he is.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19OK, that is all we have time for tonight.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21You have been great sports, guys.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22There you go, there is your devices back.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24- Fiona.- Thank you.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- Francesca.- Thank you.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- And to Graham.- Thank you.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31A big thank you, let's hear it one more time for my guests,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34for Fiona Phillips, for Francesca Martinez and Graham Bell!
0:28:34 > 0:28:37APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:37 > 0:28:40We will see you next time on Delete Delete Delete.
0:28:40 > 0:28:41Goodnight!