0:00:14 > 0:00:16Oh!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Good evening. Welcome to Delete Delete Delete,
0:00:22 > 0:00:24the show where we look through celebrity laptops
0:00:24 > 0:00:28and check for anything dodgy. Yes, for the next half-hour,
0:00:28 > 0:00:30I'm the FBI and our guests are the Clintons.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34So get ready for some criminal charges, or, at the very least,
0:00:34 > 0:00:35a bill for dry cleaning.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39We've got three fantastic guests for you tonight.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- Shall we get them out? ALL:- Yes!- Yes.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43First up, one of the hottest new comedians around.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45We are delighted to have him on the show.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48He says he's often mistaken for an airline steward
0:00:48 > 0:00:52and so, tonight, he'll be entering from here, from here,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54from here and from here.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Please welcome Al Porter!
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Hiya, Paddy.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- Good to see you.- Good to see you. - How are you doing?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Oh, you want that?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Up next, an award-winning comedian and writer who once turned
0:01:14 > 0:01:17personal disaster into a sell-out Edinburgh show -
0:01:17 > 0:01:19something that I normally do the other way around!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Please welcome the fantastic Holly Walsh!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29What an intro!
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Lovely.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36And finally, a TV host who's become a huge hit
0:01:36 > 0:01:41with fans of Robot Wars and is the sexiest Irish person
0:01:41 > 0:01:43to ever host The One Show -
0:01:43 > 0:01:44it says here.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49It's Angela Scanlon!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Hello!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53How're you doing?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- Oh!- What, that's it?- Yeah!
0:01:58 > 0:01:59That's it, sorry.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04How are we all feeling about this? Al, are you happy about this?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06It's a bit... You see, I thought it would be fine,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08but it's actually a bit nerve-racking handing it
0:02:08 > 0:02:09over to you. You know?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I'm also conscious that I'm kind of dressed like a leprechaun.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18How important is your online world, Holly?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Well, since I had a baby, I have...
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I try really hard not to look at my phone around him
0:02:23 > 0:02:24because I don't want him to think
0:02:24 > 0:02:26that that's more interesting than him.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29And people say, "You shouldn't look at your iPhone around a kid,"
0:02:29 > 0:02:33and I'm a bit like, "Yeah, but maybe kids need to up their game a bit."
0:02:33 > 0:02:35OK, Angela, let's start with you, shall we?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- Why not?- You love a little bit of Instagram.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- I do.- You're one of Ireland's top ten Instagrammers.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Who? What?!- Wow!- You're up there with One Direction...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- Oh, wow.- ..and Mrs Brown.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49OK, but a lot less wealthy.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Well, who knows? I mean, you're doing...- Well, I do.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Post lovely things like this.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59This is, what, a field?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- Well, you took it!- I did, I did.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03And it's in Meath.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Does that not look like it's in America or somewhere, you know?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08To be honest, I would say the field of barley
0:03:08 > 0:03:11and the clouds might give it away as Ireland!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- The dark clouds! - Did you have to edit that?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Do you edit, do you believe in editing?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18I will pull up the contrast.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- Yeah.- Do you know what that means, Al?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Yeah, I do... Thanks, Angela.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- I... - LAUGHTER
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I know I might come across all...
0:03:29 > 0:03:31No, does that mean it gets the darker and lighter?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Yeah, it makes everything look a bit more dramatic.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Yeah.- You also took this little snap.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42So this horse... I like his fringe!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It looks like Claudia Winkleman!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Is it me, or is the white one attractive?
0:03:51 > 0:03:52- Yeah!- I just mean...
0:03:52 > 0:03:56No, but you know what I mean. It's a very suggestive horse.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58It's just cos it's got its little booty popped out.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59It knows what it's doing.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It's gone full Kim Kardashian there in the background!
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Even the way, like...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I feel like it wasn't looking at the camera and then
0:04:07 > 0:04:10the minute you shot, it went... Yeah!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Yes!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Holly, now, you're more of a tweeter.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Oh, yeah.- Philosophical stuff like this.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26"What if, like trees,
0:04:26 > 0:04:31"we all lost our hair in the winter and had to wait until spring
0:04:31 > 0:04:33"for it to grow back?"
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Yeah, this is the sort of thing I think about.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36This is what keeps you up all night?
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Yeah, because it would be an amazing thing if we all just lost our hair
0:04:40 > 0:04:42and then we'd all be equal, you know, for a bit.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45And it wouldn't be like, "Oh, she's got great hair," or anything.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48It would just be like, "Oh, none of us have hair in the winter."
0:04:48 > 0:04:52OK, well, look, let's have a little look and see how this would work.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53This is you, Holly, with hair
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- in the summer.- Yes.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57This is Holly in the winter.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Oh, yeah.- It's actually quite nice!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02You can do bald! Sinead O'Connor can do that, too, and Natalie Portman.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04There's not that many people who can.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05I think that's foxy.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08That is Sinead O'Connor before she went bat shit.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Yeah!- That's really nice.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Who've we got next? This is me.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh, we're all going to be bald!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15This is me in the winter.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18- Oh!- Yes, OK.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Wow. It's a little bit Lord Voldemort, isn't it?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- It really accentuates your ears. - Yeah, it really does.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33We wondered how this would look with someone whose hair wasn't so good.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38This is President Trump without his hair.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- Oh, dear.- It makes his mouth look even more like an arsehole.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47LAUGHER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:50 > 0:05:53OK. You're more of a Facebook guy.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57- Yes.- But it is not always your face that you post.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I forgot that was up there!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Now, Paddy, I hate to save everything for the screen!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Oh, my goodness. - Was that a standing ovation?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22What was going on?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26That was in Vicar Street theatre and I just decided I would streak!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- Why not?- Nothing really behind it.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:36But, you know, when you decide you're going to do something like
0:06:36 > 0:06:40that for a bit of craic, you know, you do realise a bit of male pride
0:06:40 > 0:06:43then kind of comes into it and you go, "Well, I'm not going out cold.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45"I'm going to give this a fluff." You know?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51But you do kind of have to negotiate where the fluff kind of stops
0:06:51 > 0:06:55because, like, walking out with the kind of, like, a bit of
0:06:55 > 0:06:58a slightly swollen Mickey, that's a bit of fun,
0:06:58 > 0:06:59like, that's a bit of craic.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01But, like, full hard-on is a different idea, like,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03you know what I mean?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05You don't want a hard-on that could lift you out of a chipper,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07you know what I mean? You just kind of want...
0:07:07 > 0:07:10How long does that take, to get it just in the right...place?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Well, I tell you what it is,
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I find that you have to think of something and then work back.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19You know, so you have to get really enthused and then kind of go,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23"Oh, I'll take a breather now," and then you're ready, you know?
0:07:23 > 0:07:24So I'm kind of going,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26"Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29"Gerry Adams." You know what I mean? Like, just...
0:07:36 > 0:07:37So the thing I want to know, Al,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39is whenever you show your bum on Facebook...
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Yes.- ..do you prefer a nice comment, or a thumbs up?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I actually worry about it now that my mother has joined Facebook
0:07:51 > 0:07:53and she doesn't know how to use it, you know.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56She just shares inspirational quotes and missing dogs.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Oh, my God, my mum is the same!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00From the man who uses it to show his arse!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06We've also got another picture of you with your clothes on.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- OK.- This is from a recent celebration?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11This is my IFTA award.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Thanks for bringing that up, Paddy.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Also in the category was Angela Scanlon.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19I'm glad you've brought up the awkward tension around the fact that
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I have that and Angela doesn't.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I hadn't really won anything since I was a kid, you know.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28And then I won a karaoke competition when I was 17.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- What did you sing?- Well, I sang Dusty Springfield's...
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Thank you for asking, Paddy.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36I sang Dusty Springfield's You Don't Have To Say You Love Me...
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Oh, that's great. - ..without closing my mouth.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Do it.- Yes. Because, you see, there is...
0:08:41 > 0:08:42No, no, yeah...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Laugh it up, bitches!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49There's a notion that, you know, the more soulful you sing,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52the less you are able to understand them. You know, like Van Morrison
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- kind of grunting into the microphone and things.- So do it for us.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- I want to see it.- You just go...
0:08:57 > 0:08:59HE SINGS WORDLESSLY
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Yeah.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32All right, Holly, let's check out your Twitter feed.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35We noticed you followed this account -
0:09:35 > 0:09:37- You Had One Job.- It's so brilliant.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39So what was this person's job?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- The loo lid is underneath...- Oh!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45You can see most men in the audience,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47actually, that was a slow burn for them
0:09:47 > 0:09:50because it's always left up!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53What's the problem? This is the account - You Had One Job.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55We have a few more examples of this.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Now, you would think that if you're actually painting that sign,
0:10:02 > 0:10:05the clue might be on the sign by the grass.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09We used to hate the road markings on the way up to my school because it
0:10:09 > 0:10:11should have said, "Slow down" and that have been fine,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14but it just used to say, "Slow school ahead".
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Now this one?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Long yellow things. - Long yellow things!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26When I lived in Australia,
0:10:26 > 0:10:30somebody suggested to myself and my friends that we get a job to extend
0:10:30 > 0:10:32our visa, working on a farm,
0:10:32 > 0:10:36and we'd heard different stories about this farming life.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39And, obviously, I really like it,
0:10:39 > 0:10:41as you can see from my Instagram pictures.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43But they told us that we could work on a banana farm
0:10:43 > 0:10:46bending the bananas.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49And I was like, "Sorry, what?"
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And they said, "Yeah, do you not know that bananas actually grow straight,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56"but they travel better when they're bent"?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59And so we contemplated bending bananas.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Oh, yeah.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- Yeah.- We've got a few more.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Don't you have to think sometimes, though, which is left and right?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Yeah, everyone does.- Yeah. I once slammed this hand in a door,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18so that's how I know this is definitely my right.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21And, up until that point, you weren't sure?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- It's how I remember. - We've also got this.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- I love that!- That is so cute! - I love that.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33It could be a Weight Watchers thing, I don't know. Is it maybe?
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- Oh, possibly.- I'm looking at the slightly fat wrist and...
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- I wouldn't say that was a fat wrist. - No.- No?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41He's a fattist, he's from LA.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Not from. Living.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Sorry. They are fattists in LA!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- No, they're not. - They absolutely are.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Have you seen the size of people in America?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Yeah, but not in LA!
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Wheelchairs at airports!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Honest to God!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56You know the wheelchairs in the airports? I sat in one once
0:11:56 > 0:12:00because I just figured it was a seat, like.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03No, but, you know, no, I knew it was a wheelchair,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06but I think the people who need them probably bring their own.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09And, to be fair,
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I've never gotten out of the taxi at the airport and seen somebody
0:12:12 > 0:12:15dragging themselves to the terminal,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18just heaving their body.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20And then they get in and see a wheelchair and go,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22"Oh, my God, what am I like?!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26"I'm always forgetting something! What am I like?!"
0:12:34 > 0:12:37OK, Angela, we saw a little bit off your Instagram earlier.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39We saw this picture that you posted.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Oh, yeah.- Now, what is this about?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44That's Noel Gallagher.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49I was a big fan of Oasis, but mostly this is actually about his eyebrows.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54Noel Gallagher has the most unbelievably beautiful eyebrows
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I've ever seen and that's basically what that is.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Just letting everyone know, if you've got it, flaunt it.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02So this is brow envy?
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Brow envy.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Well, you'll be pleased to know that there is currently an app
0:13:07 > 0:13:10which will allow you to be a little bit more like Noel.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12This is called Browify.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13- Oh, I like this.- Yes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Here it is.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16It works quite well.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- So we put the face in. - Oh, yeah, great.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Here we go.- Oh, I like the blue steel, yes!
0:13:23 > 0:13:24- And then we...- Oh, look at that!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32We can do that one. We can do...
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Oh, there's Noel Gallagher! - Now we're talking.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38That actually really suits you. It's very Frankie Howerd, isn't it?
0:13:38 > 0:13:43"Oh, titter ye not. Nay, nay. Oh, missus."
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- There we go.- That's brilliant.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Do you want to have a little go at that?- Yeah, OK, so how do you do it?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- OK, here we go.- Oh, great.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52No, I have to go closer, don't I?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53OK, there we go.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I look like a convict!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58This is how my passport photos look!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00OK, next.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Right, unibrow.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Yes!
0:14:06 > 0:14:08That's amazing!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Browify. Browify.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19OK, Angela, you also watch these.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22'Hello, my name is Maria.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25'And I'm here to tell you about ASMR -
0:14:25 > 0:14:31'Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34'It's a pleasant, tingling
0:14:34 > 0:14:41'feeling that you experience when you hear unique, soft voices,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44'or hear certain soothing sounds...'
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- TAPPING - '..such as tapping.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- SHE WHISPERS:- 'And this...
0:14:53 > 0:14:54'toothbrush...
0:14:56 > 0:15:01'..is small enough to brush this hair.'
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Now, I'm very confused.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Is this meant to put me to sleep, or give me the horn?
0:15:23 > 0:15:28It's kind of somebody doing very mundane,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31normal things at a slowed-down pace,
0:15:31 > 0:15:36so that your heart rate goes down, it relaxes you.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Can you imagine how annoying she'd be in an argument?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- SHE WHISPERS:- I said...go fuck yourself.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45You know what it's like whenever you're married with a baby.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- God, it's the worst.- Everything in our house is whispered. It's...
0:15:48 > 0:15:51HE WHISPERS: "Are you drunk again?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54"If you waken that baby, I will cut your fucking balls off!"
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I think what we should do is we should probably try this out.
0:15:58 > 0:16:04So, please welcome to the show, via Skype, it's ASMR expert
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Maria from GentleWhispering! CHEERING
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Hi!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Hi!- Oh, my gosh!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19So, Maria, can you tell us exactly what this is about?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Because we can't really work it out.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Can she see us?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24- Yes!- OK, sorry.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Yes, yes, I can see you guys. Thanks so much for having me.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29I'm sorry, Maria, we just have to pause for a second
0:16:29 > 0:16:32as we explain to Angela how Skype works.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- Sorry!- Yes, thanks so much for having me.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40As you can tell, I have a normal voice usually.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42It's not as relaxing in real life.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Can I ask you something?
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Did you have other jobs before? Like what...?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50What did you used to do?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54I used to be a receptionist in a medical supply store.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57And could anybody hear you on the phone, or...?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06You would be surprised, but actually sometimes, in customer service,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09it's very good sometimes to lower down your voice
0:17:09 > 0:17:12and the customer will match your voice this way
0:17:12 > 0:17:14and they will relax, too.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17And are you making money off it, is it, it's your job now, is it?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Yes, it is my full-time job now.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Well, good girl, I like that. Happy days.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I apologise, Maria, that is the most Irish question that anybody could
0:17:29 > 0:17:34ask. "Tell me now, are you making a living at it?"
0:17:34 > 0:17:36OK, so if I wanted to try this,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39what type of things would I have to whisper?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Well, first of all, you have to relax yourself.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- OK.- You have to find this calming voice in you,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47like as if you were talking to the child.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51- Yes.- So you would exaggerate everything you're doing...
0:17:51 > 0:17:53with your hands. Oh, wonderful.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I have a toy here, too. Let's do it together.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I love this woman!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06So you take the brush. I don't have a toothbrush, I have a normal brush,
0:18:06 > 0:18:08but that's OK, you know, it's workable.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09My badger's a bit more sensitive.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16And you would gently...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19And you would try to exaggerate your movements,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- so you would brush it gently.- Oh!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24And you would whisper sweet nothings to him.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Oh, lovely badger. - Your hair is so soft.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30HE WHISPERS: So soft.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33This is how the BBC wants to get its reputation back?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You can let it pet you, too.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40I like this, Maria.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41I feel way more relaxed.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43You're doing OK, you're doing OK.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Does it work if somebody else is the badger?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Yeah. You can try.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56I think you'd really like to brush him and touch him and smell him.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01No, it's OK, though. You can blow into his ear a little bit.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Like a little... - SHE BLOWS SOFTLY
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Maria, I feel I am an expert, I can see this in my future.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Angela, thank you so much for introducing me to this.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Can we please give it up one more time for Maria?!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Thank you, Maria! - From GentleWhispering!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Bye!
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Bye!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40OK, next up it's your internet searches.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42We'll start with you, Holly.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45"Is Ken Hom big in the States?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47"What's the difference between an accountant
0:19:47 > 0:19:49"and a chartered accountant?" That's your...
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Is it no holes barred, or no holds barred?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I thought it was no holds.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58I thought it was no holes barred, like, any hole you can get into.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01This is a good one.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03What are those sticky, fluffy bug things
0:20:03 > 0:20:05that you used to give out in the '80s?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07They were like promotional toys.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Cos I was thinking I might get some made, so I spent ages googling it.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13So it was a sticker, and you put it on the car
0:20:13 > 0:20:15and it was a little fluffy creature with eyes?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Fluffy bugs with ribbons on the back.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- Yes!- What are they called? - They are called Weepuls.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Can we see them? - And we actually have some made up.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- Oh!- There we go. There is your...
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Delete Delete Delete Weepul. There we go. One for you.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- This is exactly what I'm talking about.- That's brilliant.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33One for everyone in the audience?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- This is basically the travel version of GentleWhispering.- Yeah!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42So wherever you go...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46I love it!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Now, Angela, you also searched for this.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Tell us what this is.
0:20:52 > 0:20:58So, I saw on YouTube that there's a woman who, like,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00basically makes you do facial exercises.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02And apparently, it makes your...
0:21:02 > 0:21:05like, gives you cheekbones, if you do them.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07I guess it's like...anything!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You know? You can't just watch the video
0:21:10 > 0:21:13and then you have the cheekbones. You have to do what she says.
0:21:13 > 0:21:19- Yes.- Anyway, this seemed to me like perhaps a more novel way of
0:21:19 > 0:21:20exercising your face.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22So this is how it's done.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- There it is.- Yeah. And you squeeze it, and I guess that makes you aware
0:21:26 > 0:21:28that you have muscles in your face.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32This one, she looks really like she's not enjoying herself.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35OK. Well, look, we've actually managed to get some of these.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Oh, wow!- So let's give this a go.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I'm raging I haven't had this in my life for months!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- I've got one for you.- Oh, yes!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- Oh, they're all this... - If you want to give this a go.- Wow!
0:21:51 > 0:21:54They are very, very Mick Jagger!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57# I can't get no...
0:21:57 > 0:21:58# No, no, no! #
0:21:58 > 0:22:00This works quite well.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04And it gives you really good cheekbones.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Sing your song now!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11# You don't have to say you love me
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- ALL:- # Just be close at hand
0:22:14 > 0:22:17# You don't have to say you love me
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# I will understand.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22# Believe me, believe me. #
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Paddy, Paddy? Give us a kiss.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Oh, God!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Really good.- "I can't believe she married that Irish twat"
0:22:39 > 0:22:43is just one of the things the internet says about me.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44But what does it say about our guests?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's time for the part of the show we call
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Things The Internet Says About You.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Let's start with Al.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Let's have a look at what the internet says about you.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58"Al Porter should be excommunicated."
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- I'm quite proud of that one. - This comes from a tweet.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04So this is from a Twitter user called Travellers Pics/News.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Yes, I love that account.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09So people are calling for Al Porter to be excommunicated for his
0:23:09 > 0:23:11blasphemy on Channel 5.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12What did you say?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I mean, I was talking...
0:23:14 > 0:23:20I mean, about the fact that I had had sex with a priest when I was 18.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I was writing for a religious magazine,
0:23:22 > 0:23:24and I met a young priest and we hit it off.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Is he still a priest?- He's actually a bishop now, which is hilarious,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30because if he follows that career trajectory, at that pace,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I'm going to have a sell-out Edinburgh show called
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Al Porter, I Rode The Pope.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Then I think it's comments like that, Al, that got this next tweet.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Yeah.- "A gypsy curse placed on Al Porter for his comments about
0:23:49 > 0:23:52"homosexual acts with a priest, now bishop."
0:23:52 > 0:23:53What is a gypsy's curse?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Can you curse someone over Twitter?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Is that a thing now? Is that modern cursing?- I don't know.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59I have no idea what's happening.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Is it true you actually wanted to be a priest when you were...?- Yes.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07Yeah. I mean, I like the idea of two shows on Sunday and one on Saturday.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I think you would have made a great priest.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Yeah, I would have been a good priest
0:24:12 > 0:24:16because I wouldn't have done mass, per se, probably just confession.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Just cos I love the gossip.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21And I wouldn't believe in the anonymity of it, either.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Somebody would be going,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25"Oh, Father, I'm thinking about riding my husband's brother,"
0:24:25 > 0:24:28and I'd go, "Is that you, Margaret, you mad bitch?!"
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You know what I mean? Have a laugh.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Moving swiftly on...
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Let's have a little look at things the internet says about you, Angela.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38"Angela Scanlon is a dancing champion."
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- Ooh!- Wow.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Now, is this a series of Strictly that we missed?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- No, no!- What's going on there?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47It's kind of dancing from the hips down. Irish dancing.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- Is that Irish dancing? - Yeah.- Like Riverdance?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Yeah. Well, more like ceilidh dancing.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55And what standard did you get to?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59It's quite a complex thing, but, like, I won the Worlds...
0:24:59 > 0:25:00- Whoa!- ..as an under-13.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- World champion!- It was quite a while ago, let's be honest.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Do you ever get drunk and start doing it at a nightclub?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- At weddings.- At weddings?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Oh, yeah?- I once danced at my cousin's wedding
0:25:15 > 0:25:19and there was quite a big deal made of me dancing.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22I was the dancer. I was going to, you know, do a little jig, whatever.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23And I had tights,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26but I didn't pack my dancing shoes, which were leather and have quite a
0:25:26 > 0:25:28decent grip on them,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31and so I...I had also had quite a few drinks
0:25:31 > 0:25:36cos I was really embarrassed and so I fell around 15 times
0:25:36 > 0:25:39before they actually cut the music
0:25:39 > 0:25:41because they thought I was going to kill myself.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44And I would, like, literally throw my leg up in the air
0:25:44 > 0:25:45and then land on my arse.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Cos the tights, there was no grip on the slippy floor.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51But, you know, I just think it says a lot about my character
0:25:51 > 0:25:54that I kept going until they literally dragged me out of there.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- So you can't just give it a go? - You can, anyone can.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Anyone can? Like this woman here.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- Aw, bless. Oh...- Ooh!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18That looked like quite a violent fall.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22It looked like quite a violent fall, but to be honest, bloody funny.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25I used to have to Irish dance when we would go to...
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- Oh, yeah.- So you can actually dance? - I think you should do it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- I can give it a go.- I think you and Angela could maybe...
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Can maybe you guys show Holly and I a few steps?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Come on. Have a go.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37If you want to... Come on.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Off you pop. There we go.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Al and Angela. We'll have a little bit of music and see what you can
0:26:42 > 0:26:44rumble up for us.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48We're going to do a one-two-three, OK? So, one, two, three.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49One, two, three.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52OK, and now, if we hold hands...
0:26:53 > 0:26:54OK, and to the right.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Two, three, four, five, six, seven and a-one, two, three and a one...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01And left, two, three, four, five...
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- Twirl. Twirl, twirl, one, two, three.- Oh, oh, oh, all right.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08One, two, three. And now, oh, you know what we can do?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10This is called a...
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Right? Yeah. We'll do boy on girl.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14OK, so, no. I'll show you together.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Get your hands like this.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20So, you hold onto the elbow and you hold onto Holly's waist.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Now, hold on nice and tight, OK?
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Right, are you ready? Cue the music.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- What are we doing? - Three, two, one...go. Twirl.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- Oh, yeah!- We'll just go like this.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Whoo!- Whoo! I think I've pulled a muscle.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38All right, Paddy. All right. Very good.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40The lift from Dirty Dancing! Here we go.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Jesus, Paddy! Hold on.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I can't get up. Are you all right down there?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Paddy, I'm trying to get up. Are you all right?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Hold on, Paddy. One second, I'll get you.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Turn off the television, don't let the kids see this.
0:28:03 > 0:28:08Don't let the kids... Paddy, I'm stuck in your big mouth.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I think you need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- That's better. That's better, I'm back. I'm back.- Oh, my God.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22I'm back.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Oh, Jesus.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30OK, that is all we've got time for tonight.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Thanks for being such good sports.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Give it up one more time for Angela Scanlon, Holly Walsh
0:28:35 > 0:28:38and Al Porter.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42- There you go, guys.- Thank you.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45And we will see you next time on Delete Delete Delete. Goodnight.