0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:08 > 0:00:10BIRDSONG
0:00:10 > 0:00:12METAL DETECTOR BEEPS
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Anything?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Fuck all.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Three shotgun caps and a blakey.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40HE SIGHS
0:00:44 > 0:00:47METAL DETECTOR BEEPS FASTER
0:01:02 > 0:01:03What you got?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Ring-pull.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10'83.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Tizer.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- What do you do with them? - Bag them up. Stick 'em on eBay.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24People buy this shit.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Sad tits.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29You said it.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42# Will you search through the lonely earth for me?
0:01:42 > 0:01:46# Climb through the briar brambles
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# I'll be your treasure
0:01:52 > 0:01:54# I'm waiting for you
0:01:56 > 0:01:59# I'm waiting for you. #
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- See University Challenge last night? - Yeah.- Anything?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05No.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06You?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Nah.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Nearly got Benjamin Britten.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- You can't nearly get an answer right.- I had it in my head.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Didn't say anything. Chickened out.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Were you on your own?- Yeah.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23But you were still too scared to say it out loud?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Yeah.- Doesn't count.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27I know.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Should have gone for it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I know.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36You going up the club Tuesday?
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- What's happening? - Terry's giving a talk on buttons.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Buttons?- You heard me! - Christ! Sod that!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Yeah. I think I'll give that a miss.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Here. Did I ever tell you about the beautiful old battle-axe
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- I once found?- Yeah. You married her. - I married her.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Have I done that one for you before? - Well, you've said it before, yeah.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04A few times. Wouldn't exactly call it a stand-up routine.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07You've added the word "beautiful" since the last time you said it.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Yeah. Well, she was beautiful, Mags. Mental, though.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13And that's why I divorced her.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15She left you for the manager of Pizza Hut.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Yeah. Mental!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23She was a hippy, you know... into crystals and all that shit.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Used to wear vanilla perfume.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Oh, yeah.- Stank like Play-Doh. - Heads up. Who's this?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Don't know.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Hi.- Hello. - I saw you in the field earlier.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Sorry to interrupt, but are you metal detectors?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42No, my dear.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45This is a metal detector.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49We are metal detectorists.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Oh, right. Sorry.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Not a problem at all.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57- I'm Sophie.- Pleased to meet you, Sophie. I'm Lance and this is...
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Andy.- I'm a student. History student. I thought it would
0:04:01 > 0:04:04be interesting to know what kind of things you guys find.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- Local history.- Wise choice, Sophie. What you got there, Andrew?- Um...
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Bits and pieces.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16A Victorian penny, and then Battle of Britain. That's nice.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Worth a few quid on the interweb. - Won't do it, mate.- Idiot!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Why not?- I don't sell my finds. I don't agree with it.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26He must have half a tonne of scrap round at his place.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Hope you're up to date with your tetanus, mate!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Don't know why he doesn't invest in some jiffy bags.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- He could give up the cleaning job. - Are you a cleaner?- No.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- He is a cleaner. - It's a temping agency.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- They get me all kinds of work. - All kinds of cleaning work.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Mainly, yeah.- Andy here is studying for an archaeology degree.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Been doing it for... How long is it, mate?- Long time.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49But I'll get there and when I'm a qualified archaeologist,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- that's when I get to see the good stuff.- Bone.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Bits of pot. Swap his detector for a palette knife
0:04:56 > 0:04:59and spend the rest of his life scraping the dirt off dirt.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03No, thank you! Show me to the non-ferrous metals, mate!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Do you guys belong to a club?- DMDC.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Danebury Metal Detecting Club?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14In the Scout hall, opposite the Two Brewers on the high street.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Oh, right. And what sort of thing happens there?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Well, we compare finds, discuss the hobby.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Sometimes we get a guest speaker in.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26This Tuesday, Terry, club president, is giving a talk on buttons.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- Buttons?- You heard him. - Wow, outrageous(!)
0:05:30 > 0:05:32You guys going along?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- Yeah.- Yeah. Probably. - Yeah, we'll be there.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Will it be OK for me to pop in?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- Yeah.- Don't see why not.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42OK, cool. Well, I'll see you there, then.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44See you.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47- Bye.- Bye, Sophie.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Could be good, buttons.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Yeah...
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Yeah.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Hello.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- All right?- Yeah. You?- Yeah.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- You're late.- Yeah, I went to the pub.- Oh. Which one?- The Brewers.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- The Two Brewers?- Yeah.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32The pub on the corner of our road?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Yeah.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Oh, nice.- Sorry. I should have phoned.- Might have been nice.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I was with Lance. I didn't think you'd want to hang out with Lance.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42You think he's a bit of a dick.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I think you're a bit of a dick as well, but I hang out with you.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Might have been nice to have a drink on a Saturday night
0:06:47 > 0:06:51at the end of my road, with a couple of dicks.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Sorry.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Did you find anything good today? - Nah. Not much.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Right.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Are you all right?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Are you pissed off with me detecting?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07No, I don't mind, if you enjoy it,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10if it's helping towards your studies.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I need to find a new place to search.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16All we turn up these days is litter and ring-pulls.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17This is the land of the Saxons.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I want to discover where they buried their warriors and their kings.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Instead of where they had their snacks and soft drinks?- Exactly.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25But we're on it.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- We're going to strike gold soon and then we'll be rich.- Oh, cool.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32We'll go to Africa. I'll set up my school. You can go and dig holes.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Can Lance come?- No!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I did find a good penny.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- Young Victoria. 1865. - SHE PRETENDS TO YAWN
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Shut up! That's been in the ground 150 years.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Imagine who dropped that a century and a half ago.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- YAWNS AGAIN - Oh, yeah, brilliant(!)- You cow.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Still think I'm brilliant? - Course I do.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55You're my Lord Carnarvon, my Howard Carter.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- You're going to discover the Valley of the Kings.- In Essex.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00In Essex.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- Can you see anything?- Yes!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Wonderful things! - SHE CHUCKLES
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Hello, love.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58You all right?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Yeah. Just off to work.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- You all right?- Yeah, good. - Business good?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- Oh, it's all right, you know?- Good. Good.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Cos I just... I know... I found your Purple...Rain album and I wondered...
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Do you want me to drop that round?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Oh, yeah. Would you mind?- Yeah.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Sure. Cos...I thought you...
0:09:23 > 0:09:27I know you like that song When Doves Cry.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- When Doves Cry, yeah. - You got a record player...?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Tony's got one. Really nice vintage one.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Oh, good.- He's here, actually. You should say hello.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Oh, you're all right, cos... - TONY, LANCE IS HERE!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Er...
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Hello, mate. Long time no see.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Yep. - Did you just pop in to say hello?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49No, I needed a...scented candle.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- Didn't think they were your style. For you?- Just a present for someone.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Ooh! A girl?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- No.- A boy?
0:09:58 > 0:09:59No. A girl, yeah.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- Girlfriend?- No.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Well... Yeah.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Ooh!
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- Who is she?- Oh, no-one. Just...someone.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12What flavour?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Pardon?- The candle.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Oh... I don't know. What have you got?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- I like bergamot and vetiver.- Mm.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I'll just have a vanilla.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Always think they smell like minicabs.- £3.75.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Cheers.- Do you want your change? - Cheers, Mags. Bye.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Yeah, bye, love.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54VACUUM CLEANER WHIRS
0:11:08 > 0:11:12SWITCHES VACUUM CLEANER OFF
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Bollocks, mate! You just want to see that girl again.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Yes, you do. I can read you like a book. Anyway, she won't turn up.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Good. Well, you won't be disappointed, then, will you?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33No, come round mine.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I'll knock you up a ruby and we can head over together.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Anything you don't eat?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Yeah. Apart from meat and fish.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43OK. Hold on.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Ted! Is it all right if I knock off after I've done those aubergines?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Yeah, OK. Back in an hour.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Adios.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Hey.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Lance has invited us
0:11:58 > 0:12:01round for a curry before we head over to the club tonight.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Do you want to come?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Obviously not! For so many reasons,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08not least of which is the fact I'm not really invited.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12You're just saying that cos I had a go at you the other night.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14What's happening at the club tonight?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- Buttons?! - You heard me. Do you want to come?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Fuck off!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- All right. I love you. See you later.- Yeah, you too. See you later.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54# I've lived in a box by the rails
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# Only thing you use, you don't fail
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# When you live in a box by the rails
0:12:59 > 0:13:02# Don't comb your hair, don't comb your tail
0:13:06 > 0:13:07# Sweep my mess away
0:13:07 > 0:13:09# Leave my body, leave my bones
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# Leave me home and leave my soul
0:13:11 > 0:13:15# Leave me nothing I don't need at all
0:13:15 > 0:13:17# Nothing I don't need at all. #
0:13:35 > 0:13:37KNOCKS ON GLASS
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Nice tits.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Why, thank you.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Something smells...- Delicious?- No.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Something just smells.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Very droll.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Here, stick those peelings in the compost for me, would you?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07You've only got a balcony. What do you use compost for?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Never know when it might come in handy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14What's that?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Dunlop SP244, isn't it?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25So, I was reading cos of the hot dry summer we've had,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28a lot of the earth works and archaeological sites have
0:14:28 > 0:14:31started to show up as dry patches in the fields.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Right, so I had a look on Google Earth.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Looked round the local areas, scanning the fields,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- see what I could see. - Right.- And look.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Hembristone. You know those cabbage fields off the B1010?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Well, look at this,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53ring-shaped feature in the field.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55OK.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Iron Age roundhouse. But wait, there's more.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Move to the left and voila!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Another one.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09But move again to the left and here's yet another.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Slightly larger circular feature, but this is different.
0:15:13 > 0:15:20This one has some sort of entrance leading to an enclosure. A gateway.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23All in a line.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Iron Age settlement.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Iron Age settlement? - Look at it. Right there.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Mate, you look at it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Notice anything?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36What? No.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Do these features seem to spell anything?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42No.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Wait, erm...
0:15:44 > 0:15:47G-O-O...
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- Oh, fucking... - Do they seem to spell Google?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Fuck it!- You prick.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- It's the Google Earth watermark. - It's the Google Earth watermark.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Well, I bet you've fallen for that before.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Yeah, but I realised within 15 seconds and I never told anyone.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07HE SIGHS
0:16:07 > 0:16:11No, look. Tell you where we want to be. I've been doing my own recon.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13This farm, here.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- I don't remember anyone ever going there before, do you?- No.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Look, this is the original Roman road running up the side.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Where you've got Roman, who's to say you haven't got Saxon as well?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25We all know there's a Saxon ship burial
0:16:25 > 0:16:27somewhere in this part of the county.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29We've just got to find it first.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Saxon hoard.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- It's basically the Holy Grail of treasure hunting.- Well, no.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37The Holy Grail is the Holy Grail of treasure hunting.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39If you're going to be pedantic
0:16:39 > 0:16:43the Ark of the Covenant is the Holy Grail.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Let's talk to Terry, see if he knows who owns this land.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Kerchink.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Ching!
0:16:50 > 0:16:55And though occasionally a button will turn up with some
0:16:55 > 0:17:01sort of decoration or insignia, the majority, and I mean the vast
0:17:01 > 0:17:07majority, as you've seen from my slides, are completely featureless.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11And so, if you think about the number of buttons
0:17:11 > 0:17:14our predecessors had on their clothes,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16compared with the number of coins
0:17:16 > 0:17:19they would be carrying in their pockets, is it any wonder that we
0:17:19 > 0:17:24find many more buttons in our day-to-day detecting
0:17:24 > 0:17:25than we do coins?
0:17:30 > 0:17:36So the humble, boring button is a very real piece of social history.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Lights, please, Sheila.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Sheila?
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Thanks, darling.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Button.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56So, any questions?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Nobody?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Righto, then.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Ahem. Club notices.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Now, some of you have been complaining about other
0:18:07 > 0:18:09detecting clubs muscling in on your sites.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Yes, it's those wankers from the Antiquisearchers.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- They're spying on us.- Russell...
0:18:14 > 0:18:18I spent weeks researching that site, putting together a portfolio,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21only to find that someone had got there the day before me
0:18:21 > 0:18:23and secured permission.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27The Antiquisearchers are officially affiliated with the museum.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31I find it very hard to believe that they would be that underhand.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36To be on the safe side, I will not be accepting any new members
0:18:36 > 0:18:39until the beginning of next season.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41DOOR OPENS
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Hello. Is this the metal detecting club?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Hello, Sophie. Everybody, this is my friend Sophie.- Hi!
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Welcome to the mass ranks of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Come in. Come in. - I hope you don't mind.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I was just interested in seeing what was going on
0:18:56 > 0:18:58and what kind of things you'd found.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I understood there was going to be a talk about buttons?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- I'm Russell.- Welcome, Sophie. You are very welcome.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I'm afraid you've just missed my talk about buttons,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10but I'll very happily do a recap.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- No!- Please, no! - That's OK. Don't worry. Thank you.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Well, take a seat, Sophie,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19and welcome to the Danebury Metal Detecting Club.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- What happened to "no new members", Terry?- Sorry?
0:19:22 > 0:19:26You just said we're not accepting any new members.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- It's all right.- Sophie's cool. We know Sophie.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30There we are, then.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- If we are all in agreement... Welcome, Sophie.- Thank you.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- What do you think? - Yeah, it was interesting.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47How was the talk on buttons?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Adrenalin-fuelled.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- What's next week? - Monster Munch packets.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57This land belongs to one Lawrence Bishop. Mad as a frog.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00People have tried to get permission, but he always refuses.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Doesn't want people digging around on his land. Very odd character.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Yeah?- Yeah, his wife disappeared years back.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Back when I was on the force.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I wasn't involved in the case, personally,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15but I know they had a very big file on it.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19They watched him for years. Couldn't ever get anything on him.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Not even enough to get a warrant out to search his land.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23That doesn't bode well!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29That's got to be a first. Student buys round!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Yeah, funny.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- What are you studying? - Ancient history.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Oh, wow. You're in the right place! Ha-ha!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40You want to get yourself a detector and get out there in the mud.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42I'll take you out, if you like.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- That'd be good. Someone text me when you going out next?- Saturday?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I can't do Saturday. I'm taking Mags and her mum to bingo.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- Again?- Who's Mags? Is that your wife?- Ex-wife. She uses him.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54She doesn't use me. I want to help.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Why can't the Pizza Hut manager take them?- I like doing it.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Bollocks, mate. You want to forget her, otherwise
0:21:00 > 0:21:02she'll keep on taking the piss. Move on.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Cheers for the advice, mate, that I neither asked for nor wanted.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Mind your own bloody business.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- What about you, Andy? Have you got a wife?- Me? No, no. I'm not married.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13BELL RINGS
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- Shall I get us another one in? - It's my round. Same again?- Um...
0:21:16 > 0:21:19No, I'd better get going. Early start in the morning.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22That's got to be a first! Student gets up early!
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Oh, funny(!)
0:21:24 > 0:21:27We're going to call it a night too, aren't we, darling?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Ah. Tango class in the morning.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36- No, it's tap tomorrow, Terry. - Course! It's Wednesday! Ha-ha!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- Bye, all.- Night-night.- See you.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- After you, madam.- Thank you.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47What was that about?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- What?- You know what.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- What?- Why didn't you mention Becky when she asked if you were married?
0:21:52 > 0:21:53I'm not married.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56No, but you've got a long-term girlfriend called Becky.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- Who I was about to mention and I was interrupted, remember?- Oh, right.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Yeah.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06What were you saying before they left?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11- Your ex-wife taking the piss?- No. Something about "same again".
0:22:11 > 0:22:12- Same again?- Yeah, thanks very much.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21- You do.- I don't.- You do. You always mention what she's wearing.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24That's because I don't like what she's wearing.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You say it every time she comes on the telly.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I never like what she's wearing.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- I don't fancy Fiona Bruce. - Yes, you do!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34No, I don't. I tried once.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Thought she'd be a good person off the TV to fancy,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40but I couldn't manage it, didn't get very far.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45- Who do you fancy off the telly? - No-one springs to mind.- Bullshit!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- There must be someone. - No, I can't think of anyone.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53- Susanna Reid!- No. You're the only one for me, Becks.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Idiot.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58You still on for going to my sister's tomorrow?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Oh, I'm going out with Lance. - Oh, what?- Sorry, I forgot.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- Jesus! You spend more time with him than you do with me!- No, I don't.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- What time are you going?- For lunch!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh, we'll probably be finished by then anyway. We're just
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- going to see some mad landowner, try and get his permission.- Right,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and if he gives you permission, you'll want to go detecting.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20- True.- Have to hope he doesn't, then. - Fingers crossed.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Oh, can we switch over? She's starting to make me feel sick!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26SHE CHUCKLES
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- QI?- Yes!
0:23:31 > 0:23:36- Did you hear that on QI last night? - Oh, I knew it before it was on QI.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Right.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41It was just a coincidence that you said it the day after it was on QI.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Just reminded me of it, that's all.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Here we are.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51You think this is wise?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Tell you what, let me do the talking. I'll turn on the charm.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58You're just a bit...awkward.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Yeah, cheers.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Don't try any of your stand-up on him.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- FROM INSIDE:- Get back! Go on! Get back in there!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Get down! Stay back in there!
0:24:19 > 0:24:23- Yes?- Sorry to disturb you, sir. - Have you come about the...?
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- The?- The...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29What have you come about?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- No, you're not actually expecting us.- Am I not?
0:24:34 > 0:24:37No, we're actually metal detectorists.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39We were wondering if you'd give us
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- your permission to detect on your land.- Good Lord!
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- Was it a competition?- Pardon? - Did I send off for it?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49No. I guess it's just your lucky day.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Fascinating.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Cup of tea?
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Don't mind the dogs.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00They're a bit boisterous, but they're only being friendly.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Push them off the sofa if they're in the way.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04They shouldn't even be on the furniture.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17FLY BUZZES
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- So... Mr Bishop...- Larry, please.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- Larry, you've never given anyone permission before.- No, never.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35- So, no-one's ever detected on this land?- No.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38There was that dig years ago.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- Sorry. Dig, Larry? - Archaeological dig, before the war.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47My grandfather told me about it when I was wearing short trousers.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52When I was a child.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- Yes.- Yes, and did they f-find anything?- No. They didn't have time.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Dug a couple of trenches, then the war happened,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01and they had more important things to spend the money on.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Any idea what they were looking for?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05No idea.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08So, Larry, er...
0:26:08 > 0:26:13- would you mind if we had a little look around?- Not at all.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Let me know what you turn up.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Stay out of the paddock on Birchwood Road.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Don't go digging down there.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25FLY BUZZES
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Okey-doke.- Right, will do. We'll stay out of there.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Anyone seen my phone?
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Bloody dogs have hidden it, have they?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Have one of you beasts stolen my telephone?
0:26:40 > 0:26:45Come back here, you little shitters! Come on! Come on! Come here!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Come on, I know your game.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Come on.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53This is it, mate. This is the big one.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56This is exactly what happened at Sutton Hoo.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00They abandoned it because of the war, then they went back to finish it off.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02They sort of left it all to us.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05This time next year, we're going to be millionaires!
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Mate, maybe we should do this properly -
0:27:08 > 0:27:11mark out the site with a grid system, do it area by area,
0:27:11 > 0:27:14- make sure we cover everything. - Sod that! Let's get detecting!
0:27:14 > 0:27:17We should survey the site for a couple of days before we even
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- turn the detectors on. - DETECTOR BEEPS Oh, too late. I turned it on!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23I've got a good feeling about this, mate.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26When they were looking for Richard III, first hole they dug, bingo!
0:27:26 > 0:27:31- Fuck it! You're right.- This is going to be massive. You mark my words.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33DETECTOR BEEPS
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Here we go.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Get ready...
0:27:50 > 0:27:51to get rich.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58BEEPS
0:28:06 > 0:28:08What you got?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Biscuit wrapper.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Mint Viscount '75.