0:00:02 > 0:00:03BEEPING
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Definitely still something in there.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08I knew it!
0:00:08 > 0:00:10It's a piece of shrapnel, I can feel it.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Well, meter's saying small bronze coin, possibly Georgian,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15but it's a bit of an iffy signal.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Doctors are refusing to believe me, reckon I'm making a fuss.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20- How's it feel?- Nah, it's not too bad.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23I was lucky I was wearing my triple-weave combat protectives.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27- You were quite a way from the crater. - Yeah, blew me about 40ft.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30- Were you running? - No. No, it was the blast.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- So, when do you get out? - Couple of days.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35They want to make sure that the cuts aren't infected.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Well, they better get the shrapnel out.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39You can't go detecting with metal in your leg,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41you'll get a signal every other step.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43That's why Barry Sheen had to call it a day.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Who'd have thought, eh? Mr Health and Safety?- Yeah, all right, Russ.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Of all the people.- Do you know what type of bomb it was?
0:01:01 > 0:01:05It was just your basic Luftwaffe FLAM C500 incendiary, Hugh.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06- Cool.- Hmm.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Well, there's a lesson here for everyone.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Oh, what's that, Russ? Don't dig up bombs?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Don't detonate bombs.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15He's right, you know.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I'm losing my touch.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20It's a rookie mistake. First day of metal detecting school.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I thought that was don't detect in a thunderstorm.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24They get through a lot on that first day.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- Perhaps it's time to hang up the old detector.- What?!- No!
0:01:27 > 0:01:31What's more, it may be time to hand over the presidency.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Really?
0:01:33 > 0:01:34For more than a decade,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I have shared in the turbulent history of this club.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I have tried to the best of my ability
0:01:39 > 0:01:42to discharge those duties that were entrusted to me.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45And now, having finished the work assigned me,
0:01:45 > 0:01:49I retire from the great theatre of action. And bidding...
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Hang on, that's the George Washington resignation speech.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Doesn't matter, it's relevant.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58And bidding an affectionate farewell to this august body,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I here offer my commission...
0:02:01 > 0:02:05and take leave of all the employments of public life.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09HUGH CLAPS
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- Thank you. - APPLAUSE
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Thank you.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20So, who's going to take over?
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Well, that's for you to decide.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25But I would suggest Andy as the new leader.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- What does it involve?- Buying a new jar of Nescafe every three months.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- It's more than that, Russell! - Every four months.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Look, there are subscriptions to collect.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37We've got seven members.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40There are talks and rallies to organise,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42there are permissions to secure...
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I think Andy is the man to lead this club forward.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Er...thanks, Terry. I'll... I'll certainly think about it.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Good. Now, if you don't mind,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55thank you all for coming, but I would like to get some rest.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- Let us know if you need anything, Terry.- Take away those pillows.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00I shall need them no more.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- Lewis Carroll.- Get out!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06TERRY INHALES SHARPLY
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Erm...Terry?
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Yes, Hugh?- If they get that piece of shrapnel out...
0:03:19 > 0:03:21It's yours, mate.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Thanks, Terry.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Cheers.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33BIRDSONG
0:03:34 > 0:03:36But why me?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40You're studying archaeology. He sees you as legit.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Why would I want to be president of the DMDC?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Think of the power.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Are you serious? What power?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51The power to lord it over Russell and Hugh?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54The power to collect £3.50 off them every quarter?
0:03:54 > 0:03:58No, I'm talking about the power to change the club,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00turn it into something worthwhile.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03You could get that bloke to be patron.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- What bloke? - You know, "I have a cunning plan."
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Sir Tony Robinson?- Is he a sir?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Yeah, show some respect.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14We could get fleeces with DMDC embroidered on 'em.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I doubt you could buy them in batches of less than 50.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- Well, then advertise, increase the membership.- Just to fill the fleeces?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24No, to increase our clout, increase our influence.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27The antique researchers are officially affiliated
0:04:27 > 0:04:29with the Colchester Museum.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33They get to be official detectorists on any dig in the county.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37We could be sitting on something bigger than Sutton Hoo here.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Yeah, if we could turn our club into something more professional,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44then we could oust them from their position.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Yeah. Mount a dirty-smears campaign.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Eww!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51It's just a smear campaign.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You're thinking of a dirty protest.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Whatever.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Here.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Oh, nice!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Anyway, I need to get down there again.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I know. I'm working a lot this week.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- Can't wait too long.- Yeah.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- I'll find some time. Don't go down there without me.- Nope. OK.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- Becky talking to you again? - Just about.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19It was just a misunderstanding. I think she was drunk.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, didn't seem drunk.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24No, but she was being sick the next morning, that's a sure sign.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27No...everything's fine.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Good. So we're all up for quiz night on Friday?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- Don't see why not.- That's good, we need her geography knowledge.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Right, not her company and conversation?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Just as long as she knows the longest river in Azerbaijan.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- I'm thinking of inviting Sophie down, actually.- What?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Whose team would she be on?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Ours. You're allowed up to four members in a team.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53But it's you, me and Becks. It's always been us.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56You know, just the three of us, the old team,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58that's what makes it so impressive when we win.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02It'll only be the once. I want Becky and Sophie to be friends.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Right, well, good luck with that one, then.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- What do you mean?- Well, I just think you're on thin ice,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11could find yourself in some hot water.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19But it's always been you, me and Lance, just the three, the old team.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Well, you're allowed up to four members on a team
0:06:21 > 0:06:23and I think you'd like her if you got to know her.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- I don't particularly want to get to know her.- Why not?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Well, she's a floozy.- A floozy? I haven't heard that word in years.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- She's a dolly bird. - You sound like your mum.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Sorry. Sorry, you don't sound like your mum,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36you've never sounded like your mum. That was wrong of me.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40I've just never heard you use words like "floozy" and "dolly bird" before.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Anyway, the point is by saying that you don't want to know Sophie,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45you're basically saying that you still believe
0:06:45 > 0:06:48something's going on between me and Sophie.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50And, by your own admission, you don't believe that any more.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- SHE SIGHS - Christ!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55What is all this stuff? It weighs a tonne.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57End of term presents from the kids,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- mainly candles and World's Best Teacher mugs.- Can't we dump it?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- No, what if somebody found it? - They couldn't trace it back to you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Hello? World's Best Teacher.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Good point.- Did you go the hospital?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Yeah, he's fine, just cuts and bruises.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15He's loving it, actually, enjoying the drama.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17He's resigned the club presidency.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- Wow! I'll alert the media. - SHE LAUGHS
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Does that mean the end of the DMDC? - No, why should it?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Well, who's going to be stupid enough
0:07:24 > 0:07:26to want to take over as president?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- You're not?- Why not?
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Oh, God!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- What- possible- reason could you have
0:07:37 > 0:07:42for wanting to be president of the Danbury Metal Detecting Club?!
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- I'd say it was an ego thing but there are only six members.- Seven.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Being the glorious leader of six socially awkward geeks
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- isn't going to boost anyone's ego. - Seven.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Lance says we can increase membership and then have more power
0:07:55 > 0:07:58and influence in the archaeological world.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- SHE LAUGHS - Power and influence?!
0:08:00 > 0:08:01You're deluded!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Lance says we can ask Sir Tony Robinson to be patron.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- Who?- Baldrick off of Blackadder.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Is he a sir?- Yes!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Why would he ever agree to that?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Because he's a champion of archaeology and archaeologists.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19But you're not archaeologists, you're a bunch of hobbyists!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21You are amateur metal detectors!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Detectorists.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- Lance says... - CROCKERY CLATTERS
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- You don't want to hear what Lance says, do you?- No!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32I just see little enough of you as it is!
0:08:32 > 0:08:37And when I do, you're either caked in mud or smelling of scout hall!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40It was the last day of term today, I'm a teacher,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I get a stupidly long summer holiday,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44I wanted to go away somewhere, somewhere good,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46somewhere with a swimming pool!
0:08:46 > 0:08:50But we can't afford it! Maybe we can go away somewhere crap instead?!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Just let us find this ship burial
0:08:53 > 0:08:56and I'll take you wherever you want to go.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Simple as that?- Simple as that.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03And, in the meantime, I'll take you to the Two Brewers for quiz night.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Does it have a swimming pool?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- Hmm, I'm not sure. - SHE GROANS
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- SHE SIGHS - OK. Sounds good.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19SQUEAKING
0:09:32 > 0:09:37LANCE SINGS ALONG TO RADIO # And the operator says 40 cents more
0:09:37 > 0:09:42# For the next three minutes
0:09:42 > 0:09:49# Please, Mrs Avery I've just got to talk to her
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- PHONE RINGS - # I'll only keep her a while... #
0:09:53 > 0:09:54MUSIC OFF
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yeah, hello?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I can't do it, mate, I'm taking Mags and her mum to Bingo.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Oh, what? I changed my shift especially.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Well, why can't her new bloke take them?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09She uses you.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10She bloody does.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12No, she bloody doesn't.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I want to help her. I can do tomorrow.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Don't worry about that, Bishop's given us permission.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23It's still our land.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Yeah, well, I'm sorry.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28She asked me and I...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I didn't feel I could let her down.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33All right, whatever.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Yeah, maybe.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35All right, see ya.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40PHONE RINGS
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Hey, Sophie.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Guess what I've got?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Technetic's UO Tech.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55No, second hand. Nearly new.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Unwanted Christmas present, apparently.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59So, when are we going out?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Oh, I dunno. Lance is busy and we sort of said we wouldn't.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Yeah. No, I suppose it couldn't hurt.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10All right, what time?
0:11:10 > 0:11:12All right, see you there.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Whoa!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Terry had a lucky escape.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Yeah, but at least he got an anecdote out of it.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Well, look at me.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Very nice. You're one of us now.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- Just need some camouflage.- Why do detectorists wear camouflage?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- To hide from predators.- Of course.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- So what are we looking for? - A Saxon king.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Sexred of the Saxons?- You got it. - Well, what's he look like?
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- About yay high, beard, buried in a ship.- OK.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55So, this is your discrimination, that differentiates between metals,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57so you won't get a signal when you go over iron.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59And this here sets your ground balance.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- Yeah, yeah, boring. Come on, let's go.- Whoa! Slow down.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04You've got to know these things or you'll spend your whole time
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- digging holes with nothing in the bottom of 'em.- Bollocks!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Set it to treasure and let's go get rich.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10What happened to you?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13What happened to the girl who was interested in local history?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It's not about finding treasure, it's about finding...
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Buttons and ring-pulls?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21No thank you. Show me to the non-ferrous metals.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- Unbelievable!- First pre-decimal coin buys the drinks!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37SHUTTER CLICKS REPEATEDLY
0:12:46 > 0:12:50# I knew no vices and I knew no sin
0:12:50 > 0:12:54# I knew the words but they didn't sink in
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- # Stayed out those tunnels that pull people down - BEEPING
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- # There's more of those tunnels in your home town - BEEPING
0:13:02 > 0:13:05# Fell far from grace
0:13:05 > 0:13:07# So far I couldn't see
0:13:07 > 0:13:11# And, oh, underground, I wasn't that far from the tree
0:13:11 > 0:13:13# We're all digging if you want to know
0:13:13 > 0:13:20# Fixing, digging far too slow
0:13:20 > 0:13:23# Far too slow
0:13:26 > 0:13:30# We dug for money, We shovelled four tonnes
0:13:30 > 0:13:34# And the end wasn't funny, Though we'd all had fun
0:13:34 > 0:13:38# Limping and broken, The tunnel fell in
0:13:38 > 0:13:42# I've been limping from tunnels Since my original sin
0:13:42 > 0:13:44# Birthright's a trouble
0:13:44 > 0:13:46# My father dug, too
0:13:46 > 0:13:50# He got where he was going At the age of 62
0:13:50 > 0:13:53# We're all digging, If you want to know
0:13:53 > 0:14:00# Fixing, digging far too slow
0:14:00 > 0:14:03# Far too slow. #
0:14:03 > 0:14:06BEEPING
0:14:10 > 0:14:12SQUEAKING
0:14:14 > 0:14:18You won't believe the photo I just took of you.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Oh, my God!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30SHE GASPS
0:14:30 > 0:14:32You found your gold!
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I found my gold.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Oh, dear.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I think we're going to get told off.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Basically, good news and bad news.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56What's the bad news?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58MOD have turned up, site's out of bounds.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01They're doing geophys to determine whether
0:15:01 > 0:15:04there's any more unexploded subsoil ordinance.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Well, just as long as they don't find anything pre-1940.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10How did you find out? Did you phone Bishop?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Well, that's where the good news comes in.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Wait for it.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Da-dah!
0:15:18 > 0:15:19What's that?!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Gold Stata.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, I know what it is. Where did you get it?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Bishop's farm, not far from the crater.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29You went there without me?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Well, yeah. I know we sort of said, but I didn't think you'd mind
0:15:33 > 0:15:37- and we certainly didn't expect... - We?! Who's "we"?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Me and Sophie.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41She bought a detector, she wanted to try it out.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- I didn't think you'd mind. - Well, I do mind!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I do mind you went to Bishop's farm without me when you said you wouldn't.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I do mind you went with Sophie.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51And I do mind you found your first gold with her and not with me.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- Come on, mate.- Did you do a dance?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- No.- We always said we'd do a dance when we first found gold.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Yeah, well, it didn't seem right without you there.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Didn't want to feel un-cool in front of your new girlfriend?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- She's not my girlfriend. - Why don't you do it now?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08- What, dance?- Yeah.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- What, here?- Yeah.- No.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Go on, dance.- Don't want to.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Well, why don't you get out of my flat, then?- Come on!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19No, go on. I've got stuff to do.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27We still doing the quiz?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing the quiz, yeah. - Oh, good.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- But not with you.- What?! - You've got a new detecting partner,
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- she can be your new quiz partner an' all.- Come on, mate.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38No, I'll find my own team.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42And while we're at it, I've decided to stand for club president, as well.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45We can't stand against each other, that's ridiculous.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Pull out, then. Or, better still, whoever loses the quiz on Friday,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51they can pull out the presidency.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Who's your team? - Oh, I've got people.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Intelligent people.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59ANDY SNIGGERS Get out!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13MURMURING CHATTER
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Two halves...for the ladies.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- HE LAUGHS - And a pint for me. Cheers.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Thanks, love.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Why are you drinking girls' drinks, Lance? Watching the figure?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- Driving.- Still got the old banger?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- TR7's a classic.- Take no notice, Lance, he's just jealous.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Jealous of the Yellow Peril?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43I don't need a penis extension to prove myself.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47It's not a penis extension, Tony, penis extensions are red.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48It is a penis extension.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51A tiny yellow penis extension.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Can we stop talking about my penis? - Probably best.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Or so I've heard.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- TONY LAUGHS - Tony!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- What do you mean? Why not? - He's got a new team.- What new team?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- I dunno.- Well, who's going to be our sub?- Sophie, I told you.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- What?!- I told you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I want you to see that she's actually really nice.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- SHE LAUGHS/GROANS - I'm sure she's bloody wonderful.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Oh, look, there's Lance. - Who's he with?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- What's going on?- Nothing. Who's he with?- Have you two fallen out?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36- No. What? Why?- Brilliant!
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I'll be sitting there like a lemon while you ignore your boyfriend.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- He's not my boyfriend. - And hold hands with your girlfriend.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- She's not my girlfriend. - She's a floozy.- She's not a floozy.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Who's not a floozy? - Hello, Sophie. Look, it's Sophie.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Oh, yes.- Hi.- So, Sophie, this is erm...Becky.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Becky...this is Sophie. I think you've met before.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Yep. Hi again.- Hello.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Sorry I poured three pints of strong European lager over you
0:19:01 > 0:19:03last time we met. It was an accident.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07That's OK. Happens all the time.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Er...what are you drinking. Sophie, a pint?- Three, please.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Right, I'm going for a fag. You coming, Mags?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Yeah, go on, then.- No, they're about to start in a minute.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Won't be long.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37All right?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Come on, mate, this isn't worth it. Come and join us at our table.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Loser pulls out of the presidency.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46If you like.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47And loser leaves the club.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- All right, tosser. - You tosser.- Are you?- No, you are.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59BIRDSONG
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- MAN:- 'Right, now, quiz rules state...'
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Come on, then, that's us. - '..that everyone must hand over
0:20:08 > 0:20:11'their telephones for the duration of the quiz.'
0:20:16 > 0:20:18CHATTER
0:20:18 > 0:20:20So, how does this work?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Quiz master asks the questions
0:20:22 > 0:20:25and if you know the answer you write it down.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Yes, it's your basic pub quiz.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Different rounds, different subjects.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31What's your speciality, do you think?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Children's programmes?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Well, I'm studying ancient history, so...
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Yeah, doesn't often come up in the Two Brewers pub quiz.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41You're a primary school teacher, aren't you?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- So you're probably good at most subjects.- That's right.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Up to Year-6 standard?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Where have you been?! We're about to start!- All right!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Jesus! Don't wet yourself.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56And, if everybody's ready...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Round one.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00The sports round.
0:21:00 > 0:21:07- ANDY GROANS - Question one. Which football club is nearest the Mersey?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- It's Liverpool.- No, it's Stockport. It's definitely Stockport.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13People think it's Liverpool or Everton, it's definitely Stockport.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- OK.- Put it down. - Stockport.- Question two.
0:21:16 > 0:21:22What was the 1966 World Cup mascot in England?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- I know it.- I know it! - Oh, that's it.- Yes!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- Willy?- Willy.- Yeah.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Hopefully some geography questions will come up.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Becky's got a geography degree.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Oh, my God! Amazing! Well done you!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Moving on to round two.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Lads' mags!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Ye-he-he-ess!
0:21:54 > 0:21:59What does FHM stand for?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- MUTTERING - Just give him the pencil.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05All right, fine.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Write it! - HE LAUGHS
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Look at them, they know everything. Don't you read lads' mags, Andy?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- No.- No, lads' mags are for men having midlife crises
0:22:15 > 0:22:17who like looking at pictures of floozies and dolly birds.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19ANDY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Round three. The Balearic Islands.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- Oh!- Ohh!- Danke schon!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37On to the next round.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39ITV2.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40What?!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Oh!- Perfect!- Series link!
0:22:43 > 0:22:44That's not a category!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53On to round five. Astronomy.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Here we go.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Question one.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57What star sign are you
0:22:57 > 0:23:00if you was born on the 10th of October?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- That's not...- Oh, I know this. - No.- I know this!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04That's astrology, not astronomy.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06What's the difference?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09She's got it. She knows it.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22And final round this evening is archaeology.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Here we are.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28What year was the tomb of Tutankhamen discovered?
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Who?!
0:23:29 > 0:23:301923.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- '23.- No, it's 1922.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- Is it?- The actual discovery of the tomb
0:23:35 > 0:23:38when they found the steps was 1922,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40when they broke through into the burial chamber
0:23:40 > 0:23:44- and found the wonderful things, that was early 1923. - BECKY SIGHS
0:23:44 > 0:23:48I did a project with my Year-6 children.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Well? This is your department,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Indiana Jones and the Temple of Urgh!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56I know, it's just... It's either 1922 or 1923.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, Lance!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00CHATTER
0:24:00 > 0:24:02MAGS: Put both years! Put both.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10And the winners tonight,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13who got every question right...
0:24:13 > 0:24:15apart from them ones in the archaeology round,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17they were quite difficult.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19The winners are...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21this team here!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23BOTH: Oh!
0:24:23 > 0:24:24APPLAUSE
0:24:24 > 0:24:26BOTH LAUGH
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- We win!- There we are.- Here, fellas.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Humiliating defeat.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Just goes to prove Lance is the trivia king.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38- Still, nice to meet you, Sophie. - Yeah, you too.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40See ya.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- BOTH LAUGH - I'm so proud!
0:24:42 > 0:24:43See ya.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Which is why you need to elect- me - as your next president.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Look, if I'm right, ladies and gentlemen,
0:25:06 > 0:25:12then this is it, this is the big one, what we've all been looking for,
0:25:12 > 0:25:16the final resting place of Sexred, King of the East Saxons.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20So what we've got to do is make the initial find,
0:25:20 > 0:25:24then we can secure our right to play a part in the excavation.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28So let's get some new members in, some fresh blood,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32and let's get some fleeces with DMDC embroidered on 'em.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35No, Russell, it won't be too expensive,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39because I've got a mate who works down at the custom fleece warehouse
0:25:39 > 0:25:41and he'll give us a discount.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46What's that young Hugh? Well, do you see Andy here?
0:25:46 > 0:25:50Where is Andy in our hour of need?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Sorry, do you want to be alone with your detector?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Do you talk to it?- Sometimes.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Does every detector have its own personality?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Lance would have you believe they do.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Why aren't you talking to Lance? What's it all about?
0:26:17 > 0:26:21I went detecting on Bishop's farm when we sort of said we wouldn't.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22On your own?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Yeah.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Oops.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29He'll get over it. Don't be sad.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I'm going to let him be club president.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Well, you should, he's totally suited to it. You'd be rubbish.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39I've pulled out of the presidential race.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- Was it a race? - Sort of. No, not really.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I'm glad anyway, I didn't really want to do it,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47I just got caught up in all the excitement.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Oh, my God! You are so sad! - SHE LAUGHS
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Hang on, why aren't you drinking?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57You haven't got school tomorrow.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59There's a reason.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01KNOCK AT DOOR
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Oh, bloody hell! Who's that?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- What reason?- Hang on.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15What reason? Are you trying to lose weight?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I never said you needed to lose weight.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48You don't need to lose weight.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51I thought that's why you weren't drinking.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Becks, what you doing? Where are you going?- To my mum's.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Is it what I said?
0:27:55 > 0:27:59It's not because of what you said, it's what you've done!
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- What have I done?- Wrack your brains!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- Becky, wait! - ENGINE STARTS
0:28:17 > 0:28:18HE SIGHS