Episode 5

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0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains very strong language.

0:00:34 > 0:00:38# Will you search through the lonely earth for me

0:00:38 > 0:00:42# Climb through the briar brambles

0:00:43 > 0:00:47# I'll be your treasure

0:00:49 > 0:00:52# I'm waiting for you

0:00:53 > 0:00:56# I'm waiting for you. #

0:01:09 > 0:01:11- Hey.- Hey.

0:01:11 > 0:01:15- I phoned, left a message. - Oh, sorry, phone's on silent.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17I went to Bishop's Farm but you weren't there.

0:01:17 > 0:01:20Yeah, I didn't really want to go there again without Lance.

0:01:20 > 0:01:23- Is that why you've fallen out? - Kind of, yeah.

0:01:23 > 0:01:25Sorry, that's my fault.

0:01:25 > 0:01:27It's all right.

0:01:40 > 0:01:44It was nice to meet Becky the other night. She seems nice.

0:01:44 > 0:01:45Yeah, cheers.

0:01:45 > 0:01:47She's left me.

0:01:47 > 0:01:49What? Why?

0:01:49 > 0:01:51I'm not really sure.

0:01:51 > 0:01:53- Well, where's she gone?- Her mum's.

0:01:54 > 0:01:57Is that my fault as well, then?

0:01:57 > 0:01:58Probably.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01Sorry.

0:02:02 > 0:02:06- What are you going to do? - About Becky or Lance?- Both.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09I don't know. I'm thinking of giving it all up.

0:02:09 > 0:02:10What, detecting?

0:02:11 > 0:02:13We're skint.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16If I sell my detector I could afford to take Becky away somewhere.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19I've found my gold. Think I'm done.

0:02:19 > 0:02:21Lance will be gutted.

0:02:21 > 0:02:23Becky won't though.

0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Did you watch University Challenge last night?- No.

0:02:27 > 0:02:30But you always watch University Challenge.

0:02:30 > 0:02:34- I don't know how to turn the TV on. - What?

0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Becky always turns the TV on. - Are you serious?

0:02:38 > 0:02:40Three remote controls.

0:02:40 > 0:02:43It's a complicated sequence involving all three

0:02:43 > 0:02:47- and I never got to grips with it. - You need to get her back.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50Yep, or I'll never get to watch TV again.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56Do you want to do a quick sweep of this field, then?

0:02:56 > 0:02:58No, I'm going to head off.

0:02:58 > 0:03:01I've got to get to work.

0:03:01 > 0:03:03See you later.

0:03:03 > 0:03:04See you.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17All right, Cliff?

0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Done them sprouts?- Yep.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31Done them caulies?

0:03:31 > 0:03:32Yep.

0:03:40 > 0:03:44You see University Challenge last night?

0:03:49 > 0:03:52- See what?- University Challenge.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57Quiz show on TV?

0:03:57 > 0:03:59Jeremy Paxman?

0:04:06 > 0:04:09Done them spuds?

0:04:09 > 0:04:10Yep.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:04:16 > 0:04:19Hello, Maggs.

0:04:19 > 0:04:21Yeah. No, I'm at work.

0:04:21 > 0:04:24Hang on, hang on, hang on.

0:04:25 > 0:04:26Ted!

0:04:26 > 0:04:30Is it all right if I knock off once I've done them pomegranates?

0:04:32 > 0:04:34Yep. OK.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00Excuse me.

0:05:03 > 0:05:04Excuse me!

0:05:05 > 0:05:08Oh...sorry.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11What properties do the amethyst ones have?

0:05:11 > 0:05:13Erm, erm, amethyst?

0:05:13 > 0:05:17Erm, well, cleanse your chakras

0:05:17 > 0:05:20and your aura.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23General purpose spiritual cleanser.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26Quite strong, like Swarfega.

0:05:27 > 0:05:29And the moonstone?

0:05:29 > 0:05:33Moonstone puts you in touch with the moon -

0:05:33 > 0:05:37strengthens your spiritual relationship with the moon.

0:05:38 > 0:05:40And the quartz?

0:05:40 > 0:05:42Quartz...

0:05:42 > 0:05:44gives you a...

0:05:45 > 0:05:48..mild sense of...paranoia.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54Have you got anything shamanic?

0:05:54 > 0:05:58Shamanic, shamanic, shamanic, shamanic, sham...

0:05:58 > 0:06:02Well, we've got a whole shamanic section. It's just over here.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04Loads of it.

0:06:04 > 0:06:05Sorry.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08I was longer than I thought.

0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Kept me waiting at the bank. - That's all right. How did it go?

0:06:11 > 0:06:14No good. They won't give me any more.

0:06:14 > 0:06:16It's all about high street chains these days.

0:06:16 > 0:06:20- No room for an independent like me. - So what does that mean?

0:06:20 > 0:06:23I can't afford the rent. I'm going to have to close up.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25That was my last hope.

0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Tony has been offered a transfer to another restaurant.- Pizza Hut?

0:06:29 > 0:06:32Another Pizza Hut, yeah. We'll move up north.

0:06:32 > 0:06:35What about all your friends? Your mum?

0:06:35 > 0:06:38She'll have to come with.

0:06:38 > 0:06:39Oh...

0:06:39 > 0:06:43If only I could find someone who'd give me a loan

0:06:43 > 0:06:45just for a couple of months.

0:06:45 > 0:06:47Well, I suppose...

0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Oh, Lance, really? - Well, no, I don't know if I can.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54I mean, I'd have to run some numbers, see what I can spare.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56That would be so good of you.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59It would only be for a couple of months while I sort this all out.

0:06:59 > 0:07:02The shop's starting to pick up. It's been going really well.

0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Yeah?- Yeah, really well.

0:07:04 > 0:07:06Have you sold much while I've been gone?

0:07:06 > 0:07:09Erm, just a green sky otter.

0:07:10 > 0:07:13What about Tony? Has he not got any savings?

0:07:13 > 0:07:17Nah, not that he's told me about. He spends it all on his skin.

0:07:18 > 0:07:19Right.

0:07:19 > 0:07:21You'd really save me if you could, Lance,

0:07:21 > 0:07:25and it would mean we could stay here and I'd get to see you more often.

0:07:25 > 0:07:29- Well, I don't know if I can yet, Maggs. I'll have a look.- Course.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32I haven't got that much time though, Lance.

0:07:34 > 0:07:36Fancy a cuppa?

0:07:36 > 0:07:38Go on, then.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43Do you take sugar? I can't remember.

0:07:43 > 0:07:47Do I take sugar? You know I do. One!

0:07:47 > 0:07:50Tea without sugar is vegetable soup.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53That's right! I won't be a sec.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55What does this do?

0:07:55 > 0:07:57Oh, God. Hmm?

0:07:57 > 0:07:59Oh, it's a...

0:07:59 > 0:08:01spirit stick.

0:08:01 > 0:08:02Yeah.

0:08:02 > 0:08:03You...

0:08:04 > 0:08:06..hit spirits with it.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13Come on, Becky. Please.

0:08:13 > 0:08:16I feel like I'm in a Richard Curtis film.

0:08:18 > 0:08:21I told you not to come here. I told you I'd phone you.

0:08:21 > 0:08:24I lost my phone. I thought you might have been trying to call.

0:08:24 > 0:08:27That's bollocks. I can see your phone.

0:08:27 > 0:08:29- I found it again. - Were there any messages from me?

0:08:29 > 0:08:33- No.- Right, well, I guess I didn't phone you, then.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36- I sold my metal detector.- Really?

0:08:36 > 0:08:39No, not yet, but I'm going to sell it tomorrow. I got a quote from the

0:08:39 > 0:08:42bloke in the shop and I'm definitely going to sell it tomorrow.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45And this is your big gesture - your big romantic gesture?

0:08:45 > 0:08:48I suppose it is. I thought we could go away somewhere.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51It's not about the detecting, Andy.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54- What's it about, then? - You really don't know!

0:08:54 > 0:08:55No, I don't think I do.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10- This isn't what it looks like. - Really?

0:09:10 > 0:09:13Because it looks like you kissing Sophie in a field.

0:09:13 > 0:09:15It's not. She kissed me.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18Right. Like she was holding your hand the other night in the pub.

0:09:18 > 0:09:21Yes. This...this isn't a romantic kiss.

0:09:21 > 0:09:24- This is a congratulations kiss. - Well, congratulations.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26There's no tongues.

0:09:26 > 0:09:28Uh! Please spare me.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30Where did...? Did you take this?

0:09:30 > 0:09:32No, I didn't.

0:09:32 > 0:09:35I've got better things to do than sneak around spying on you.

0:09:35 > 0:09:37It was left on the doorstep.

0:09:37 > 0:09:38I'm not sleeping with Sophie.

0:09:38 > 0:09:41I didn't say you were sleeping with Sophie.

0:09:41 > 0:09:43I think you're getting nice and friendly with Sophie

0:09:43 > 0:09:46with a view to hopefully sleeping with her in the near future.

0:09:46 > 0:09:50- No, that's not what I want. - What do you want?

0:09:50 > 0:09:53You, Becks. I want you.

0:09:54 > 0:09:57I don't know if I want you any more.

0:09:59 > 0:10:02I've got to think. I need some time.

0:10:02 > 0:10:05Please don't come round here and don't phone me.

0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Do you...? - No. I'm all right, thanks.

0:10:10 > 0:10:13I'm good for photos of you kissing other women.

0:10:14 > 0:10:17Going to keep it, are you? Put it in your scrapbook?

0:10:17 > 0:10:19No, I just...I didn't...

0:10:27 > 0:10:30- I don't want it in there, thanks. - Pardon?

0:10:30 > 0:10:32I don't want it in my mum's bin.

0:10:43 > 0:10:46- Have you got a recycling bin? - Just take it with you.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Yeah, right, sorry.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Hello.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07Hello.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11How's it going?

0:11:11 > 0:11:14Yeah, brilliant, yeah.

0:11:20 > 0:11:22- Have you spoken to Andy?- Who?

0:11:22 > 0:11:25Oh, come on, Lance. What's going on?

0:11:25 > 0:11:28Why aren't you two speaking?

0:11:28 > 0:11:31- Why do you think? - Because of the gold?

0:11:33 > 0:11:35Look...

0:11:35 > 0:11:37it used to be me and Andy, right.

0:11:37 > 0:11:42This was our escape from the rude world, from the madding crowd.

0:11:43 > 0:11:47You know, we were quite happy finding junk and talking bollocks

0:11:47 > 0:11:50and then you come along and throw a shoe in the works.

0:11:52 > 0:11:54Do you know how often we find gold?

0:11:54 > 0:11:56Never!

0:11:56 > 0:11:57We never find it.

0:11:58 > 0:12:02And that's what we're looking for. We don't say that.

0:12:02 > 0:12:04We don't say we're looking for gold.

0:12:04 > 0:12:09We pretend we're happy, you know, finding buckles and buttons

0:12:09 > 0:12:11and crap, but what we're hoping for...

0:12:11 > 0:12:13is gold.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15Find one piece of gold.

0:12:15 > 0:12:19Something that's been held by Saxon or...

0:12:19 > 0:12:20Roman.

0:12:21 > 0:12:26One of the other ancient peoples that once roamed this land before us.

0:12:26 > 0:12:31Me and Andy, well, we've been detecting along time.

0:12:31 > 0:12:35We must have been pulled a couple of tons of metal out of this county.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38Lead, bronze, copper, iron,

0:12:38 > 0:12:40occasionally silver.

0:12:43 > 0:12:44Never gold.

0:12:46 > 0:12:49So when you buy a second-hand metal detector

0:12:49 > 0:12:53and go out for the first time and find gold with my best friend,

0:12:53 > 0:12:55yeah, yeah, I'll admit it,

0:12:55 > 0:12:58I'm a bit jealous because I wish I'd been there.

0:12:58 > 0:13:01I didn't find it. Andy did.

0:13:01 > 0:13:05- You were his lucky charm, were you? - I don't know.

0:13:05 > 0:13:09I didn't find it, I didn't plant it. He found it on his own.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah, I know.

0:13:15 > 0:13:17I don't believe in lucky charms.

0:13:17 > 0:13:21You wouldn't say that if you saw me in Maggie's shop yesterday.

0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Yeah? - Quite the new age salesman, I was.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29I didn't get to meet Maggie the other day in the pub.

0:13:29 > 0:13:32No, probably lucky.

0:13:32 > 0:13:34She'd have fleeced you.

0:13:34 > 0:13:36- Yeah?- Yeah.

0:13:37 > 0:13:41She's after a loan from me to pay her rent and keep her shop open.

0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Did you give it to her?- No.

0:13:43 > 0:13:46Well, didn't say I would, didn't say I wouldn't.

0:13:47 > 0:13:52If I don't, she'll move up north and I'll never see her again.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55What's her new bloke doing? Why can't he bail her out?

0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Cause he's a cunt.- Gotcha.

0:14:04 > 0:14:06Don't do it, Lance.

0:14:06 > 0:14:08Don't lend her anything.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10That's none of your business.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13I know. Sorry.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20Listen...

0:14:21 > 0:14:24..I've never admitted this to anyone, but...

0:14:25 > 0:14:28..I really won the lottery the day Maggie left me.

0:14:28 > 0:14:29Right.

0:14:30 > 0:14:32You mean, what, you didn't realise at the time

0:14:32 > 0:14:35but actually it was the best thing that could have happened?

0:14:35 > 0:14:37Pardon?

0:14:37 > 0:14:40You mean that...it was a good thing.

0:14:40 > 0:14:41What was?

0:14:42 > 0:14:44- Maggie leaving you?- Eh?

0:14:44 > 0:14:48What did you mean then, "I won the lottery?"

0:14:48 > 0:14:52- I won the lottery the day Maggie left me.- Sorry, what do you mean?

0:14:52 > 0:14:56What part of, "I won the lottery", don't not understand?

0:14:56 > 0:14:58- You won the lottery?- Yes.

0:14:58 > 0:15:01- The National Lottery?- Yes.

0:15:01 > 0:15:03- How much?- Three hundred grand.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05- Shut up!- True.

0:15:07 > 0:15:09November the fifth.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13She said she was leaving, that she'd met this bloke, and she left.

0:15:14 > 0:15:20I was reeling. I didn't know what to do so I went out for a walk...

0:15:21 > 0:15:23..and everywhere was lit up.

0:15:23 > 0:15:24You know, firework night.

0:15:25 > 0:15:28It was like everyone was celebrating my misfortune

0:15:28 > 0:15:31so I went into this offie to buy a can,

0:15:31 > 0:15:35but I only had a quid so I bought a lottery ticket.

0:15:35 > 0:15:37First one I've ever bought.

0:15:37 > 0:15:39And, bam,

0:15:39 > 0:15:41300K, thank you very much.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43No way!

0:15:43 > 0:15:44Yes way.

0:15:48 > 0:15:50Never told anyone that before.

0:15:51 > 0:15:54- Can I borrow a tenner?- No.

0:15:57 > 0:15:58Oh, God.

0:15:58 > 0:15:59What?

0:15:59 > 0:16:02It's them. The Everly Brothers.

0:16:05 > 0:16:07Simon and Garfunkel.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09Hello, there!

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Ah...

0:16:14 > 0:16:16We have good news!

0:16:16 > 0:16:18Go on.

0:16:18 > 0:16:21This land is now a site of special archaeological interest.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24Under the jurisdiction of Colchester Museum.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27And we, the Antique Researchers, have been given sole permission

0:16:27 > 0:16:30to detect on this land as official affiliators of

0:16:30 > 0:16:33and in accordance with the North Essex Portable Antiquities...

0:16:33 > 0:16:36All right, mate. Jesus. Listen to yourself.

0:16:36 > 0:16:39You sound like a dickhead. Speak normally.

0:16:39 > 0:16:41You no longer have permission to detect on this land

0:16:41 > 0:16:45under the Ancient Monuments and Archaeological Areas Act 1979.

0:16:45 > 0:16:47Still sound like a dickhead. Look like a dickhead as well.

0:16:47 > 0:16:50- Immature as usual.- Dickhead.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53All right. Let's go.

0:16:55 > 0:16:57Too late, mate. They're pushing us out.

0:16:57 > 0:17:00- They've got sole permission. - Did you take this photo?

0:17:00 > 0:17:01No.

0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Well, you haven't even seen it yet so obviously you did.- What is it?

0:17:08 > 0:17:10Phil, you bastard.

0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Phil?- Phil?- Is your name Phil?

0:17:13 > 0:17:16- How did you know his name was Phil? - I thought it was Art.- Why Art?

0:17:16 > 0:17:19- Shut the fuck up, Paul. - What's going on?

0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Do you want to tell them? - Not really.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Wait, are you an Antique Researcher?

0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Was.- Was?

0:17:27 > 0:17:29They asked me to keep an eye on you.

0:17:29 > 0:17:33Jesus, this is like the worst ever episode of Scooby-Doo.

0:17:33 > 0:17:35- Hello, there!- Oh, here we go.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37I see you've met.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39Exciting news, eh?

0:17:39 > 0:17:41The MoD have finished their survey

0:17:41 > 0:17:45and the archaeology bods are arriving at the weekend,

0:17:45 > 0:17:49opening up a couple of trenches, having a look see what they find.

0:17:49 > 0:17:50Super.

0:17:50 > 0:17:53And I understand you chaps are helping them out.

0:17:53 > 0:17:56No, these chaps are. We've been pushed out.

0:17:56 > 0:17:59- What? Why?- Do you remember I told you about the rogues?

0:17:59 > 0:18:01Well, these are they.

0:18:01 > 0:18:03And she was the mole.

0:18:03 > 0:18:07- Andy.- She spied on us and passed the information on to these chaps.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10Oh, come on.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12You're all metal detectors.

0:18:12 > 0:18:14ALL: Detectorists!

0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Pub?- Go on, then.

0:18:29 > 0:18:30Andy!

0:18:30 > 0:18:32I'm sorry.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Did you see Fifteen To One?

0:18:40 > 0:18:43No. I can't turn on the telly.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46- Not the same.- I know.

0:18:47 > 0:18:49- I miss William G Stewart.- Yeah.

0:18:51 > 0:18:55Yeah, I like Toksvig, but, you know,

0:18:55 > 0:18:57she's always cracking jokes.

0:18:57 > 0:18:59William G never cracked jokes.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01Very rarely.

0:19:01 > 0:19:04And when he did they weren't funny.

0:19:04 > 0:19:07Yeah, there's no room for humour on Fifteen To One.

0:19:19 > 0:19:22You know, I knew there was something I didn't like about her.

0:19:22 > 0:19:24Sold us down the river.

0:19:25 > 0:19:28- It's that new detector she bought. - Had it for years probably.

0:19:29 > 0:19:31- And Bishop's Farm?- Gone.

0:19:31 > 0:19:32Bugger.

0:19:32 > 0:19:36Well, personally, I'm withdrawing my bid to become Club President.

0:19:36 > 0:19:37Yeah, likewise.

0:19:37 > 0:19:41So who's going to lead us, then? I'm not bloody doing it.

0:19:41 > 0:19:44To be honest, Russ, I think the days of the DMDC are numbered.

0:19:44 > 0:19:48- But we've still got half a jar of coffee left.- You take it.

0:19:48 > 0:19:51We're...we're not going to disband, are we?

0:19:52 > 0:19:55Well, I'm going to go independent.

0:19:55 > 0:19:57Go it alone.

0:19:57 > 0:19:59Like the Lone Ranger?

0:20:00 > 0:20:02A bit like the Lone Ranger, Hugh, yeah.

0:20:02 > 0:20:07- What about you, Andy?- I'll probably go it alone as well, with Lance.

0:20:07 > 0:20:10- Like Tonto? - No, Hugh. Not like Tonto.

0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Terry, you're back! - Can't keep a good man down, Russell.

0:20:19 > 0:20:22- How's the leg? - Oh, a bit stiff, but on the mend.

0:20:22 > 0:20:25The doctors said he will back at Flamenco in a month.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28Well, we'll see, love. Don't want to rush things.

0:20:28 > 0:20:30Hang on, where's the finds table?

0:20:30 > 0:20:33- We couldn't find it. - Oh, well, that's just great.

0:20:33 > 0:20:36That is indicative of the whole attitude of this club, isn't it?

0:20:36 > 0:20:40I'm away for a week and everything falls apart.

0:20:40 > 0:20:43I mean, why couldn't you use that table or that one?

0:20:43 > 0:20:47- We always use the same table. - Nothing to put on it anyway, Tel.

0:20:47 > 0:20:50Nothing? Nobody's found anything this week?

0:20:50 > 0:20:54- We were telling everyone. We've lost Bishop's Farm.- Who to?

0:20:54 > 0:20:57The Essex Archaeological Society, Ministry of Defence,

0:20:57 > 0:21:00the Antique Researchers, you name them.

0:21:00 > 0:21:03We're the only people in the county that aren't allowed on the land.

0:21:03 > 0:21:06- And where's Sophie? - Gone to the other side.

0:21:06 > 0:21:09- Dead?- No, she has defected.

0:21:09 > 0:21:13Or rather it turns out she was always on their side. She was a spy.

0:21:13 > 0:21:15Bitch!

0:21:16 > 0:21:21Well, I hope that teaches you not to make decision with your dicks!

0:21:21 > 0:21:22You let her join.

0:21:22 > 0:21:26- I wasn't talking about you, Louise. You haven't got a dick.- Huh. Sexist.

0:21:26 > 0:21:30You should see him in his Flamenco outfit. Oh!

0:21:30 > 0:21:31Sexist, Sheila. Not sexy.

0:21:31 > 0:21:35So, have you decided on a new president?

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Sort of lost the enthusiasm really, Terry.

0:21:37 > 0:21:39Sorry, Telly.

0:21:39 > 0:21:43Well, that's it, then. The end of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club.

0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Is this the metal detecting club? - You're too late, mate.

0:21:49 > 0:21:53We're not accepting any new members. In fact, we're disbanding the club.

0:21:53 > 0:21:55But thank you for your interest.

0:21:55 > 0:21:57Delivery for Lance Stater.

0:21:57 > 0:22:00Oh, I ordered those fleeces, didn't I?

0:22:00 > 0:22:04- What fleeces?- As part of my bid to become Club President,

0:22:04 > 0:22:08I ordered fleeces with the DMDC logo embroidered on them.

0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Shall I bring the rest in, then? - There's more?

0:22:11 > 0:22:12Four more boxes.

0:22:13 > 0:22:17Yeah, I had to get 150 to get the discount on them.

0:22:17 > 0:22:21Hey, they're all right, these.

0:22:21 > 0:22:23Camouflage! What else?

0:22:24 > 0:22:27So, what are you going to do with them?

0:22:27 > 0:22:30Erm...we could share them.

0:22:30 > 0:22:3221 each?

0:22:32 > 0:22:33No.

0:22:33 > 0:22:37Come on. We can't disband this club. Not now we got fleeces.

0:22:37 > 0:22:40I am withdrawing my resignation,

0:22:40 > 0:22:43taking back the Presidency.

0:22:43 > 0:22:47Let's breathe some new life into this club.

0:22:47 > 0:22:49We'll have an open day, fundraiser,

0:22:49 > 0:22:51recruitment drive.

0:22:51 > 0:22:54We'll get new members, put them in club fleeces

0:22:54 > 0:22:56and get out there

0:22:56 > 0:23:00looking for the history that is buried underneath our feet.

0:23:00 > 0:23:02What do you say?

0:23:03 > 0:23:06I can't hear you!

0:23:07 > 0:23:09- OK.- Yeah, all right.

0:23:09 > 0:23:10That's more like it.

0:23:10 > 0:23:13Would you like us to lift you onto our shoulders now?

0:23:13 > 0:23:16Oh, not with my leg, no.

0:23:17 > 0:23:18Give him a week.

0:24:15 > 0:24:17Becky, it's me.

0:24:17 > 0:24:20I know you told me not to phone but I couldn't help it.

0:24:20 > 0:24:21I need you back.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24I can't turn on the telly.

0:24:24 > 0:24:26That's not the reason.

0:24:26 > 0:24:29I was saying that to be cute.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31I'll learn how to turn on the telly.

0:24:31 > 0:24:34I could probably work it out if I tried hard enough.

0:24:34 > 0:24:38But I'm going to try really hard, not with the telly,

0:24:38 > 0:24:41you know, I'm going to try harder with everything,

0:24:41 > 0:24:43with us and everything.

0:24:43 > 0:24:47I'm going to sell my detector and I know I already said that

0:24:47 > 0:24:50I had sold it or I was going to, but I didn't get around to it,

0:24:50 > 0:24:53but I'm going to sell it tomorrow or the next day definitely.

0:24:53 > 0:24:56You can count on me. I'm going to change.

0:24:56 > 0:24:59I really want this.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02I want to have this...

0:25:02 > 0:25:04chance to...

0:25:04 > 0:25:06start again.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09I'm going to pull my finger out and my socks up

0:25:09 > 0:25:12and myself together and we can...

0:25:14 > 0:25:16I need you, Becky.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18I'm nothing without you.

0:25:19 > 0:25:22I can't even turn on the telly.

0:25:26 > 0:25:29Brilliant. That's sorted, then.

0:25:33 > 0:25:34There they are.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Bastards.

0:25:36 > 0:25:37Who?

0:25:37 > 0:25:41Simon and Garfunkel detecting the spoil heap.

0:25:41 > 0:25:44Damn it! Imagine what we're missing down there.

0:25:44 > 0:25:47My gold was only a few inches under the surface.

0:25:48 > 0:25:51What are you going to do with that?

0:25:52 > 0:25:54- I was going to give it to Becky. - Nice gesture.

0:25:54 > 0:25:57It would be if she was talking to me.

0:25:57 > 0:25:59She still not answering your calls?

0:26:04 > 0:26:07- Can I tell you something private? - Becky's pregnant.- What?

0:26:07 > 0:26:11- How did you know that? - So you finally figured it out.

0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Who told you? - No-one told me. It was obvious.

0:26:14 > 0:26:15How is it obvious?

0:26:15 > 0:26:19Well, she hasn't been drinking and we all know Becky likes a drink.

0:26:19 > 0:26:22You said she was sick every morning even though she hadn't had a drink

0:26:22 > 0:26:24and she went to be on her own

0:26:24 > 0:26:27when it looked like you were wavering your devotions to her.

0:26:27 > 0:26:29All the signs were there, mate. How did you figure it out?

0:26:29 > 0:26:33I found the box from a pregnancy test in the bathroom bin.

0:26:34 > 0:26:36God, I'm an idiot!

0:26:37 > 0:26:40Got to go and get her back.

0:26:41 > 0:26:43Yeah, you're right.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47Not right now, though.

0:26:47 > 0:26:49Rozzers have arrived.

0:26:52 > 0:26:55What are they doing?

0:26:55 > 0:26:57Probably just routine, you know, police business.

0:26:57 > 0:27:00Oh, they're giving Simon and Garfunkel their marching orders.

0:27:00 > 0:27:02Yeah?

0:27:02 > 0:27:05They're packing up. Homeward bound.

0:27:06 > 0:27:09Oh. Bishop's down there.

0:27:10 > 0:27:13Maybe we should go down there and see what's afoot.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16You know, grab a sneaky sweep of the spoil heap?

0:27:16 > 0:27:18Have you got your detector in the car?

0:27:18 > 0:27:20Pope shit in the woods?

0:27:22 > 0:27:24Banzai.

0:27:25 > 0:27:28- Hello, Larry.- Hello, there!

0:27:28 > 0:27:31What do you think of all this, then? It's like the Battle of the Somme.

0:27:31 > 0:27:34These trenches and mud and god knows what.

0:27:34 > 0:27:37- What's happening? - Quite exciting, really.

0:27:37 > 0:27:40- First trench they put down, bones. - Really?- Really.

0:27:40 > 0:27:43Right there. A grave. The history chaps say they're looking for

0:27:43 > 0:27:47a Saxon - I think they may have found him straightaway.

0:27:47 > 0:27:50There wouldn't be any bones left in a Saxon grave Larry.

0:27:50 > 0:27:52Saxon bones would have rotted away a long time ago.

0:27:52 > 0:27:54Why are the fuzz here?

0:27:54 > 0:27:58Apparently, when bones are found, the boys in blue have to be involved

0:27:58 > 0:28:00until it's confirmed that the remains are historical.

0:28:00 > 0:28:02They're coming over now.

0:28:03 > 0:28:06- Mr Bishop?- Larry. - Do you recognise this, sir?

0:28:08 > 0:28:09Good God.

0:28:09 > 0:28:12- That's Justine's wedding ring. - Laurence Michael Bishop,

0:28:12 > 0:28:15I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder.

0:28:15 > 0:28:18You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence

0:28:18 > 0:28:21if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court.

0:28:21 > 0:28:24Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?

0:28:24 > 0:28:26Perfectly, thank you.

0:28:26 > 0:28:29There's a turn up for the books. Wasn't expecting that. Were you?

0:28:30 > 0:28:34Keep an eye out for the dog, will you, while I'm gone?