0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14HORSE NEIGHS
0:00:18 > 0:00:20DISTANT CHURCH BELL RINGS
0:00:58 > 0:00:59THUNDER CRASHES
0:00:59 > 0:01:01HORSE NEIGHS
0:01:09 > 0:01:11HEAVY BREATHING
0:01:32 > 0:01:33RIDER URGES HORSE ON
0:02:33 > 0:02:35BIRDS SING
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Nah...it's not happening.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Want to try further up there?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Go on, then.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17MUSIC: Detectorists by Johnny Flynn
0:03:19 > 0:03:24# Will you search the lonely earth for me?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27# Climb through the briar and bramble
0:03:29 > 0:03:32# I'll be your treasure
0:03:39 > 0:03:43# I felt the touch of the kings and the breath of the wind
0:03:43 > 0:03:46# I knew the call of all the song birds
0:03:46 > 0:03:51# They sang all the wrong words
0:03:52 > 0:03:55# I'm waiting for you
0:03:56 > 0:03:59# I'm waiting for you
0:04:03 > 0:04:07# Mmm-mmm
0:04:07 > 0:04:11# Mmm-mmm
0:04:11 > 0:04:15# Mmm-mmm... #
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- You see University Challenge?- Yeah.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You see that way that idiot celebrated
0:04:26 > 0:04:28when he got his starter for ten?
0:04:28 > 0:04:29I know. Idiot.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33What a helmet. Have some dignity.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Waving your arms around...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I hate the ones that have a sip of water
0:04:36 > 0:04:38and frown like it was no big deal.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- LANCE LAUGHS - Yeah.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41They're knobs as well.
0:04:42 > 0:04:48What you want is a...humble smile and a nod to your team mates,
0:04:48 > 0:04:52as if to say, "I know you guys knew that one too."
0:04:52 > 0:04:54That's it. Spot on.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58METAL DETECTOR BEEPS
0:05:05 > 0:05:06What have you got?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09A bit off a trestle table.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- You?- Tufty Club badge.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- You know why, don't you?- Why?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Car-boot sales.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Used to have them here every weekend, a few years back.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I found £13.76 in loose change.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25ANDY SCOFFS
0:05:25 > 0:05:28This isn't metal detecting, this is scavenging on landfill.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31BABY CRIES
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Lunch time.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49What did you do last night?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Ah...stayed in and had a French.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54French?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Yeah.- What's that?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01A French takeaway.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04That new restaurant in the high street does takeaway.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06BABY CRIES
0:06:06 > 0:06:08What did you have?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Ah...onion soup, escargot, boeuf bourguignon.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Why don't you cook any more?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Can't be bothered.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I used to enjoy your curries.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22You were the only one who did.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27What do you think about internet dating?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I think you're already married, mate, to Becky.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Not for me, for you.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35- Shut up. - HE LAUGHS
0:06:35 > 0:06:37What? What's so ridiculous about that?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Loads of people do it these days. - Shut up!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41What is this, an intervention?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Ah. I'm quite happy as I am, thank you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Here...
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Who's that down by that camper van?
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Dunno.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Not from round here, though.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Come on, then! HE GRUNTS
0:07:05 > 0:07:06There.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Can I feed him?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- You want to?- Yeah, go on, then.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- There we go...- Hello, Stanley!
0:07:16 > 0:07:17- Support his head.- Yeah, I know.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Support his head.- I am. I am.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Hello, Stanley.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Check it's not too hot by putting a bit on your...
0:07:30 > 0:07:32It's good.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Here we go.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37What?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38That's...
0:07:38 > 0:07:39That milk you...
0:07:40 > 0:07:42What?
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Nothing.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50RACHAEL LAUGHS
0:07:50 > 0:07:51- God! - SHE LAUGHS
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Why didn't you say anything?!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55I decided to spare him.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56RACHAEL LAUGHS
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I'll never be able to look him in the eye again!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Bless Lance.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Is he all right? I worry about him.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's hard to tell, but he hasn't invited me round
0:08:07 > 0:08:09to his flat for a curry in months
0:08:09 > 0:08:11and I spotted some rust on his car.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12- Is that significant?- Hugely.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Does he ever talk about Maggie?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Occasionally. I don't think they've been in touch since she left.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Aw...did you have a nice day?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Did you go metal detecting with Daddy and Uncle Lance?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Aw...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Did you find anything good?- Nah.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- Nah... - STANLEY LAUGHS
0:08:30 > 0:08:32They never find anything!
0:08:32 > 0:08:33I heard that.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- RACHAEL LAUGHS - Oops!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Mum wants to take Stan for the day tomorrow.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Oh, great(!)
0:08:40 > 0:08:43You could... Call the agency and see if they've got any work.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Yep... I'll do that first thing.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Do you think your mum will stick to the routines with the feeding times and naps and all that?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Oh...doubt it!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It doesn't matter for one day, does it?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Will she have a go at me for not having a job?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Mmm...probably.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04She hates the fact that you had to go back to work
0:09:04 > 0:09:06and I'm at home with Stan.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08She thinks it's degrading for a man.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Oh, who cares what she thinks?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12We didn't have a choice.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I know.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15SHE GROANS
0:09:16 > 0:09:18It won't be long now.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- You'll get a job soon.- Yep.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I thought I'd pass my exams and magically become an archaeologist.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It didn't occur to me that no-one would give me a job.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Poor Daddy.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31You know we love you, don't you?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Yep. Although...
0:09:33 > 0:09:34What?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Smells like at least one of you has done a poo in your pants.- Really?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38- Bad luck. - SHE LAUGHS
0:09:38 > 0:09:40That's not fair, you knew!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- SHE LAUGHS - I didn't smell anything.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Bullshit. It's making my eyes water.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Lovely to see the finds table with such a...nice scattering
0:09:55 > 0:09:56of quality finds here.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Good range of buttons and buckles,
0:10:01 > 0:10:06and...half a dozen Civil War era musket balls.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Now, I know I've said this before,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10but although they are common,
0:10:10 > 0:10:14I find musket balls to be irresistible nuggets of history...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19..albeit toxic history and all lead items in your collection should be
0:10:19 > 0:10:23stored safely and responsibly, and out of the reach of children.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Whose is the Roman phallus?
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Oh, that's mine.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30GERARD LAUGHS
0:10:32 > 0:10:33- Something funny about that?- No.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Right.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Andy, Lance?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Anything from you on the finds table this week?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Ah...not this week, Terry, no.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Tufty Club badge.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Now...the annual club rally is fast approaching
0:10:49 > 0:10:51and we still do not have a site to hold it on.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Does nobody have a permission that we can use?
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Well, if the worst comes to the worst, we've been given permission to detect
0:10:59 > 0:11:02on an old Edwardian rubbish dump...out by Morden.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06An Edwardian rubbish dump? That's still rubbish, mate.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07It's disgusting.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11How long does something have to be in the ground before it becomes archaeology then,
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Mrs Ancient History?
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Well, at least 100 years, surely.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm with Sophie. The clue's in the name - rubbish dump.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Nonsense. The Edwardians threw some fascinating stuff away.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24They didn't throw away gold, though, did they?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26It's not all about gold, Sophie.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Nobody's going to want to come to a rally where you're absolutely
0:11:29 > 0:11:31guaranteed not to find any gold.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- She's right, Terry. It's just going to be broken glass and china.- Well...
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Until somebody comes up with something else, it's the best we've got.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Now, Russell, Hugh,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44how is your lost wedding ring recovery service doing?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Yeah, not bad, Terry. One call out this week.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Old biddy, lost engagement ring.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- But I'm not going to waste my time telling you...- Oh...
0:11:51 > 0:11:55..when you can read all about it in the Essex Chronicle!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Two copies. One for the scrap book, one for the notice board.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00- APPLAUSE Well done!- Woo!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04And we were... Sit down!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07And we were wondering whether we can get a vehicle.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Pardon, a vehicle?- That's right.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13What's wrong with the bus?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Well, we just think if we had a DMDC vehicle, it would
0:12:15 > 0:12:17present a more, you know, professional image.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20What kind of a vehicle?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Like the Ghostbusters.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24We weren't going to say that.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29No, not like the Ghostbusters, but something with a logo on the side.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30The Ghostbusters logo.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32No, the DMDC logo.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Look...
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I'm not denying that this club is in a far healthier state than it
0:12:37 > 0:12:39was this time last year, Russell,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42but I do not think the DMDC coffers are going to stretch to a Cadillac.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Speaking of which, Sheila's come up with a...
0:12:46 > 0:12:49novel fund raising idea that I said she could run up the flagpole,
0:12:49 > 0:12:50see if anyone salutes it.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Sheila? Love?- Yes.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I thought we could do...
0:12:57 > 0:12:58a naked calendar.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59- Absolutely not.- No. No way.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02EVERYONE TALKING TOGETHER
0:13:04 > 0:13:09Terry could take photos of you all out metal-detecting
0:13:09 > 0:13:12with your finds pouches covering your privates.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Sheila, shut the fuck up! You're not hearing me.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18EVERYONE TALKING TOGETHER
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Certainly not doing it... - Gerry...keep them covered!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Now, come on, come on. Don't just dismiss it.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35I mean...we've got nearly enough members for each month of the year.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Well, perhaps some of you could double up. Lance, Andy...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Well...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Russell, Hugh, you could do one together perhaps.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Jesus Christ.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Well, you know, it could be a good money-spinner.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Really, Terry?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Who on earth is going to want to buy a naked DMDC calendar?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I would.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Well, you know, these things go viral, don't they?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I mean, you go on the local news,
0:13:58 > 0:14:00then suddenly you're sending them all over the world.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, that's how it works is it?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Then they write a musical about you.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I don't want a musical written about me.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Let's have a show of hands.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Who thinks it's a good idea to do a naked calendar?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- It's not enough, darling. - Never mind.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22So, it's agreed then, we won't be making a calendar.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24I'd like to go further.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29I'd like us to vow never to take our clothes off in front of each other.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Yeah, I'm with him. ALL TALKING TOGETHER
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Hello. Are you the metal detectors?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Detectorists. Yes.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Welcome to the Dainbury Metal Detecting Club.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44What can we do you for?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I'm looking for the wreckage or crash site of a plane,
0:14:51 > 0:14:55a German plane that came down somewhere around here in 1941.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I like it already.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58What type of plane?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01My grandfather was one of the crew members
0:15:01 > 0:15:03and my grandmother was pregnant with my dad at the time,
0:15:03 > 0:15:08and she got a telegram with just the words, "Missing, believed killed."
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Oh, dear.- That's very sad.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11What type of plane?
0:15:11 > 0:15:16Junkers JU88. It crashed on the way back to France.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17The only clue I could turn up
0:15:17 > 0:15:20mentioned the village of...Henburystone.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Oh, that's where Andy and Lance detect, isn't it?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Henburystone? The round tower church?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Over that way, yeah.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Are you chaps no longer on Bishops Farm?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32No, we searched out all the fields there.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Nothing there after all.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35This new place never turned up anything that
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- looked like plane wreckage, though. - No.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40You need to go through newspapers from the time at the library,
0:15:40 > 0:15:42see if you can find some photos of the crash site.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- I can help, it sounds interesting. - LANCE LAUGHS
0:15:46 > 0:15:47What?
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Well, isn't this the girl who was saying that Edwardian is still rubbish?
0:15:53 > 0:15:54And your point is?
0:15:54 > 0:15:59Well, by your reckoning, a World War II bomber is merely litter.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Shut up, Lance.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04There are aerial photographs online that show bomb craters.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Well, it might show up in one of those.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08I can meet you at the library if you like.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- See what we can find out.- Excellent.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12There you are then. Crack team on the case.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I think you'll find we're a pretty trustworthy bunch on the whole,
0:16:18 > 0:16:20despite our quirks and foibles.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Quirks and...?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Foibles.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I don't know either of these.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Peculiar behavioural habits.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Oh.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Nothing serious, nothing sinister.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- You've not joined a cult. - THEY LAUGH
0:16:40 > 0:16:45LAUGHTER PETERS OUT NERVOUSLY
0:16:56 > 0:17:00So, hands up who thinks Lance should join an internet dating agency.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Here we go. I'm not joining an internet dating agency.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07It's not a subject for public conversation.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I think it's a lovely idea, Lance.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14You could meet somebody really nice.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Yeah. That's what I've been telling him.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18There's all different niche websites these days
0:17:18 > 0:17:20catering for all different tastes.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Are you insinuating I've got strange tastes, Russell?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Not you, other people.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Look, I don't want a relationship.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I'm actually going through a period of voluntary chastity.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33ANDY COUGHS
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Sorry.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00# You're the sun, you're the moon
0:18:03 > 0:18:05# You're the light
0:18:07 > 0:18:09# In the room
0:18:12 > 0:18:17# You are my new age girl. #
0:18:21 > 0:18:24PHONE VIBRATES
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Hello?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Oh...
0:18:39 > 0:18:43If it's about the fish tank, I sold it this morning.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It's who?
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Kate?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Yeah, it's... This is Lance. It's Lance...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Yeah.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Yes, I did, yeah.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01I hadn't got round to replying yet.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- I'm not very good with the e-mail. - HE LAUGHS
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Yeah.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Yeah, well, thank you.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Me too.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Well, yeah, we should meet.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16I'm not very good on the phone.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Er...
0:19:19 > 0:19:21no.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22How about for a coffee?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Tuesday sounds good.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Yeah.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32OK, well, I'll look forward to...
0:19:34 > 0:19:35..it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37OK.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Bye.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54As long as he doesn't have too long a nap in the morning,
0:19:54 > 0:19:55that's all I'm asking.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57She needs to wake him up after an hour,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00otherwise everything goes out of sync and we're back to square one.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02All right, Gina Ford, chill out.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05It's not Gina Ford actually. It's my own unique blend of teachings
0:20:05 > 0:20:07and I'm thinking of publishing it.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10That will be a gripping read.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Do you think she sterilises everything properly bec...? Hello?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Really, nothing at all? Not even catering work?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20It's been three weeks now.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22OK, thanks.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Nothing? Really?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I haven't got any skills apparently.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33I'll do some job searching while Stan's at your mum's today.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Do you mind if I go out after work with gay Martin?- Sure.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- He did some volunteer teaching last year with the VSO.- Oh, yeah?
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- He did six months in Colombia - it sounded amazing.- Cool.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Well, it sounds like what we used to talk about, about going to Africa.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57What, you're not thinking we can do it?
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Well, it'd be better than waiting around for dead-end catering jobs,
0:21:01 > 0:21:02wouldn't it?
0:21:02 > 0:21:03- Yeah, but not now.- Why not?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Well, because we've got Stan now, he's just a baby.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Well, I'd still like to hear about it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Well, yes, you should. It'd be interesting.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16So, you don't mind if I'm a bit late?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Not if you're only with gay Martin.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Oh, he's not gay.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- Isn't he? - No! It's an ironic nickname
0:21:23 > 0:21:26because he's the least homosexual man you can possibly imagine.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29He's gorgeous and Spanish. All the women fancy him.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Is he? Do they?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I don't.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35No, of course.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37But, yeah...
0:21:38 > 0:21:39That's who I'm going out with.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Right. Good.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05HE RINGS DOORBELL
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Stanley!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14It's Nana!
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Yeah!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Hello, Veronica.- Andy.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- How are you?- Well, thank you.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Working?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Er... Not really. Still looking for a proper job.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Proper job, yeah. That's probably a good idea.
0:22:30 > 0:22:35And...what are you up to today whilst my daughter works
0:22:35 > 0:22:37and I look after Stanley?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Metal-detecting. CLEARS THROAT
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- I beg your pardon? - Metal-detecting.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Very useful.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Who's that?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51That's my friend, Lance.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52What a silly car.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- You ready to rumble?- Hmm.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I've written a list with feeding times on it and...
0:23:00 > 0:23:02I don't need a list, I've raised three of my own.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I know, but I'm trying to stick to a routine.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07We can work out our own routine, thank you. We're quite capable.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- It's just that quite a lot of work has gone into this... - Run along now and go and...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- SHE SIGHS - ..find some metal.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Do you want to keep hold of this, just in case?- No, thank you.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20All right, well, I'll just leave it there. And I've got my mobile,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- Becky's got hers and I've put my friend Lance's number down.- Bye-bye.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25His next feed is at 9:30...
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Silly? What way silly?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37A clown car is silly.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38A Triumph TR7 is a classic.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41It's just if he gets out of sync, then all of that work's
0:23:41 > 0:23:43out of the window. He'll be up all night again.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Relax, mate. It'll be fine.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Stupid old trout.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Ah! Damn it, we've got to go back.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Why? What is it?
0:23:52 > 0:23:53It's Clothy, he needs it.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Becky's mum will have a piece of old flannel.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58This isn't a piece of old flannel, this is Clothy.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02He can do without Clothy for one day. He's three months old.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Got to start toughening up.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Turns out he's not even gay.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44It's an ironic nickname because he's so heterosexual.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Shit.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Yeah. Gorgeous...Spanish.- Yeah?
0:24:50 > 0:24:51I'm not worried.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Doesn't sound like it.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56But, yeah, I've got to get a job soon. It's ridiculous.
0:24:56 > 0:25:0043 years old and I can't even provide for my family.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Are there any jobs going at the depot?
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Only if you can drive a fork lift.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I can't even drive a car.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10No, then.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18What have you got?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24It's a Blankety Blank cheque book and pen.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Really?
0:25:27 > 0:25:28With the pen?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- Oh, no, actually... It's just the cheque book.- Oh, well.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36You see? Car-boot sales.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39What's the name on it?
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Les Dawson.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- Pity. They're the most common.- Eh?
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Dawson did 123 episodes including Christmas specials.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Wogan did 95.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Surprisingly, the scarce ones are the Lily Savage ones -
0:25:53 > 0:25:55she only did 59 eps.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58All right, Rain Man. How do you know this stuff?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Lecture at this year's TV Nostalgia convention.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02You still go to those?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Nah, not after the last one. Shambles.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Yeah. Nostalgia conventions aren't what they used to be.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Lee Majors is going to be at the next one.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14The Six Million Dollar Man?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Apparently, he's only worth 100 grand now.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- That's why he... - BOTH: ..does the conventions.