Episode 3

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0:00:24 > 0:00:28METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

0:00:30 > 0:00:31Anything?

0:00:36 > 0:00:37Linda!

0:00:44 > 0:00:45What you got?

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Ring pull - 78.

0:00:51 > 0:00:53Kestrel Super.

0:00:56 > 0:00:59KESTREL SQUAWKS

0:01:02 > 0:01:03Kestrel.

0:01:06 > 0:01:07Super.

0:01:07 > 0:01:15BEEPING

0:01:30 > 0:01:32BEEPING STOPS

0:02:05 > 0:02:10# Will you search through the lonely earth for me?

0:02:10 > 0:02:13# Climb through the briar and bramble?

0:02:15 > 0:02:18# I'll be your treasure

0:02:20 > 0:02:23# I'm waiting for you

0:02:24 > 0:02:27# I'm waiting for you. #

0:02:39 > 0:02:40CAR STOPS

0:02:45 > 0:02:46What?

0:02:48 > 0:02:49Go, go, go!

0:02:54 > 0:02:55BANG

0:02:55 > 0:02:56CAR ALARM WAILS Go, go!

0:03:02 > 0:03:03I said I'd meet you at the end of the road.

0:03:03 > 0:03:05Yeah, well, you weren't there.

0:03:05 > 0:03:06Couldn't you have waited?

0:03:06 > 0:03:07Look, you know the deal -

0:03:07 > 0:03:10first to arrive gets first choice of the field.

0:03:10 > 0:03:13Can't afford to let Terra Firma, or whatever else they're calling

0:03:13 > 0:03:15themselves today, get there before us.

0:03:19 > 0:03:20Oh, yeah.

0:03:22 > 0:03:24I had a brilliant dream last night.

0:03:24 > 0:03:25Yeah?

0:03:27 > 0:03:28Brilliant.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41You have got to be joking me!

0:03:41 > 0:03:42Bastards!

0:03:46 > 0:03:47You strapped in?

0:05:07 > 0:05:08Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

0:05:13 > 0:05:16Woohoo! Woohoo!

0:05:16 > 0:05:18Stick that up your Arado!

0:05:18 > 0:05:20THEY LAUGH

0:05:20 > 0:05:25That was brilliant! That was like Hill Street Blues or...or...

0:05:25 > 0:05:27or chips or summat!

0:05:27 > 0:05:28When we came to that gradual bend to the right.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30I was right on his tail.

0:05:30 > 0:05:31You were glued to the road.

0:05:31 > 0:05:35Oh, that was just terrific! Good times.

0:05:35 > 0:05:37Good times!

0:05:43 > 0:05:45So you don't think you were even hypnotised?

0:05:45 > 0:05:48Oh, I know I wasn't. Nowhere near.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51I pretended I was, but wasn't.

0:05:51 > 0:05:53And when you got on the boat, you were just as sick?

0:05:53 > 0:05:56Sicker. It was just foam by the end.

0:05:59 > 0:06:03Ah, here they are at last - Wallace and Gromit.

0:06:03 > 0:06:07Too late. Find your own field.

0:06:51 > 0:06:53Mate! Mate!

0:06:58 > 0:07:00Come here!

0:07:00 > 0:07:02Better be bloody worth it.

0:07:06 > 0:07:07What?

0:07:07 > 0:07:09Look at these. Just pushed up out of this molehill.

0:07:09 > 0:07:12- What are they? - MAGPIE SQUAWKS

0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Bits of pottery.- Oh, for fu...

0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Listen!- Look, you know I can't get excited about stoneware.

0:07:17 > 0:07:19- Listen a minute.- Look, I've just come from over there.

0:07:19 > 0:07:20I've got a really good signal.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23Just look at these, look. They're black on one side.

0:07:23 > 0:07:24So? It's a cooking pot.

0:07:24 > 0:07:27No, no, no, it's blackened on the inside.

0:07:27 > 0:07:30I know this stuff. I recognise it.

0:07:30 > 0:07:36I think this was a cremation urn, and this - this was a Roman burial.

0:07:42 > 0:07:43MAGPIE SQUAWKS

0:08:04 > 0:08:07ENGINE STARTS

0:08:09 > 0:08:10Wait!

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Wait a minute! Wait!

0:08:35 > 0:08:36You bastard!

0:08:37 > 0:08:39Wasn't my fault.

0:08:39 > 0:08:40You told 'em it was here?

0:08:40 > 0:08:42- No.- Well, then, it was your fault.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44And anyway, it wouldn't have made any difference.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46In fact, it would have made 'em get rid of it sooner.

0:08:47 > 0:08:49What's going on?

0:08:49 > 0:08:52Andy, for Christ's sake! You don't understand, do you?

0:08:54 > 0:08:57There's no money to be made from a little bit of Roman mosaic.

0:08:57 > 0:09:00It just slows down construction.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02These guys in Dubai or wherever it is, they just want

0:09:02 > 0:09:05their office block built so they can start turning over a profit.

0:09:05 > 0:09:07So what are we even doing here?

0:09:08 > 0:09:10You had to lift the flagstone, didn't you?

0:09:12 > 0:09:14If there's one thing I've learnt from very early in this job,

0:09:14 > 0:09:17you don't lift the flagstone.

0:09:17 > 0:09:19You don't know what's going to be underneath.

0:09:21 > 0:09:22Right, that's it. I quit.

0:09:25 > 0:09:27Tim? I said I'm off.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32- For the day?- No, I'm leaving.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34- For the day?- No, for good.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36- So you're quitting?- Yes. - Well, why didn't you say that?

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- I did! You didn't hear.- Would have made things a bit clearer.

0:09:39 > 0:09:41I did say it. I'll say it again. I quit.

0:09:41 > 0:09:42Right.

0:09:44 > 0:09:45I'll do the paperwork.

0:09:52 > 0:09:53I'm sorry about the mosaic.

0:09:57 > 0:09:58See ya.

0:10:07 > 0:10:08Hi, darling.

0:10:12 > 0:10:13Hello, sweetheart.

0:10:14 > 0:10:15- Oh! - HE CLEARS THROAT

0:10:15 > 0:10:19All right, Colin? I thought you was Toni. She about? Cheers.

0:10:31 > 0:10:33Watcha! Finished?

0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yeah. You just starting?

0:10:35 > 0:10:37Yeah. Night shift.

0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, well, ships in the night.

0:10:42 > 0:10:44I just called Colin darling.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Why?

0:10:46 > 0:10:47Thought it was you.

0:10:47 > 0:10:48Because of the beard?

0:10:48 > 0:10:50Yeah.

0:10:50 > 0:10:53- How did that go down?- Really well. We're having dinner tomorrow night.

0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, nice. He doesn't live on a boat, then?

0:10:56 > 0:10:58Oh. Sorry.

0:11:01 > 0:11:04Wish you hadn't told me the hypnotism worked.

0:11:04 > 0:11:05I thought it had.

0:11:05 > 0:11:08You were just humouring me all along.

0:11:08 > 0:11:12Not deliberately. I was humouring myself.

0:11:12 > 0:11:13Anyway, I've been thinking.

0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm going to lend Kate my car so she can go away this weekend.

0:11:18 > 0:11:22- The TR7?- Yep.- You'll never do it.

0:11:22 > 0:11:26I've decided. I will. Beggars can't be choosers.

0:11:26 > 0:11:29Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Beggars can't be choosers? Who's the beggar - me or you?

0:11:33 > 0:11:36That wasn't a very good choice of words.

0:11:36 > 0:11:37Desperate situations?

0:11:37 > 0:11:39I could have worded that better as well.

0:11:39 > 0:11:41Anyway, my point is that...

0:11:42 > 0:11:45I'm not sure I'm up for being part of a desperate situation.

0:11:45 > 0:11:47All feels a bit silly.

0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Anyway, I was thinking of seeing my dad this weekend.- No, don't.

0:11:50 > 0:11:57Well, do, if you want to, but I am going to lend Kate my car, so...yes.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00There.

0:12:00 > 0:12:03Have a good shift. Drink coffee if you feel tired.

0:12:06 > 0:12:07See ya.

0:12:19 > 0:12:20SHE BEEPS CAR HORN

0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Hey.- Hi. Guess where we're going?

0:12:35 > 0:12:37Where?

0:12:37 > 0:12:38- To look at a flat.- Are we?

0:12:38 > 0:12:40Yes! Don't be cross.

0:12:40 > 0:12:43I saw it online and it looked really good, so I booked an appointment.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45Thought we were way off being able to afford anything.

0:12:45 > 0:12:47Well, I did some sums. I think I underestimated.

0:12:47 > 0:12:49With your job guaranteed, I think

0:12:49 > 0:12:52we can get a mortgage on something like this.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58Let's just look at it, see if it's the sort of thing we can afford.

0:12:58 > 0:12:59Yeah, cool.

0:12:59 > 0:13:01How was work today? How was the mosaic?

0:13:02 > 0:13:03Um...

0:13:03 > 0:13:07Yeah, no, there wasn't anything left of it after all.

0:13:07 > 0:13:11Oh, shame. Maybe there's more of it elsewhere.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah, maybe.

0:13:33 > 0:13:34SHE TAKES DEEP BREATH

0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Oh!- Hello?

0:13:44 > 0:13:47I'm looking for Lance.

0:13:47 > 0:13:50Are you now? And, er, who might you be, may I ask?

0:13:50 > 0:13:51I'm Maggie.

0:13:51 > 0:13:54Well, Maggie, you'd better get to the back of the queue because

0:13:54 > 0:13:57that man is mine, and nobody else is sinking their claws into him!

0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oh.

0:14:00 > 0:14:04I'm fooling with you! I'm Kate. I'm Lance's daughter.

0:14:04 > 0:14:05His daughter?

0:14:05 > 0:14:07Yeah. I get that reaction a lot, actually.

0:14:07 > 0:14:10Surprise at my very existence, like I'm a mythical creature.

0:14:10 > 0:14:12- Like a unicorn.- Exactly.

0:14:12 > 0:14:14Or a dolphin.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18Er, is Lance expecting you? Because I'm actually just out the door.

0:14:18 > 0:14:21Yeah. Yeah, I'm a bit early.

0:14:21 > 0:14:24- OK, well, you'd better come in and wait.- Oh, thank you.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27Oh, er, sorry about the mess. That's my fault.

0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Oh, don't worry about that. - Er, make yourself a cup of tea.

0:14:30 > 0:14:32- Thanks.- I'll see you. It's nice to meet you, Maggie.

0:14:32 > 0:14:33- Yeah, bye, Kate.- Bye.

0:14:45 > 0:14:46SHE SIGHS

0:14:48 > 0:14:49Eurgh!

0:15:09 > 0:15:11Hello, hi! Um...ooh!

0:15:14 > 0:15:15It's all right. Oh!

0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Hi. Becky?- Yes.- Kelvin. Hi.

0:15:20 > 0:15:21Hi, Kelvin. This is my husband, Andy.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23Thanks for doing this at such short notice.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26Hello. No, it's fine, no problem. Keys. That's good.

0:15:26 > 0:15:27OK.

0:15:37 > 0:15:39It smells like a jumbo jet.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Oh, this is a good feature. Lights on!

0:15:45 > 0:15:46Lights on now!

0:15:49 > 0:15:52Lights! Turn on now! There.

0:15:54 > 0:15:56Cool.

0:15:56 > 0:15:57And you can use voice recognition with that,

0:15:57 > 0:16:00so only you can turn the lights on.

0:16:00 > 0:16:01Why would you do that?

0:16:01 > 0:16:04So the burglars have to use their own torches.

0:16:06 > 0:16:07Is there a problem with burglars?

0:16:07 > 0:16:11No. Er...

0:16:11 > 0:16:12This is the bathroom.

0:16:13 > 0:16:17Underfloor heating throughout and...heated mirror.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20Warm reflection?

0:16:20 > 0:16:21No condensation.

0:16:23 > 0:16:26All the skylights are hermetically sealed,

0:16:26 > 0:16:31so is the air-conditioning filters so it recycles and sterilises

0:16:31 > 0:16:34the air whilst maintaining the pressure in the room.

0:16:39 > 0:16:41There's a slice of bread on that skylight.

0:16:46 > 0:16:47Oh, yeah.

0:16:50 > 0:16:51Seagulls.

0:16:55 > 0:16:56This is the front room.

0:16:57 > 0:17:02Kitchen, washer, drier, sink,

0:17:02 > 0:17:07gas hob - one to four - with a hood going outside.

0:17:07 > 0:17:09Um... Cupboard under the sink.

0:17:09 > 0:17:12And, er, this is the floor.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17And we try to use as many reclaimed and recycled materials as possible.

0:17:17 > 0:17:19For instance,

0:17:19 > 0:17:22these worktops are actually made from reconstituted hospitals.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Hospitals?- Yep.

0:17:25 > 0:17:29Demolished buildings, ground up and graded and set in resin,

0:17:29 > 0:17:31and you'd never know. I mean, look.

0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Oh.- Where do they get the hospitals from?

0:17:35 > 0:17:36Uganda.

0:17:36 > 0:17:38What about the garden?

0:17:38 > 0:17:41The garden is communal.

0:17:41 > 0:17:43I can see a shed. Whose is the shed?

0:17:43 > 0:17:45It's the gardener's. He comes once a week.

0:17:45 > 0:17:47Can I use the shed?

0:17:47 > 0:17:49You will not be allowed access to the shed.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58OK, well, nice to meet you. Cheers, yeah.

0:18:03 > 0:18:04It's worse than not having a shed at all,

0:18:04 > 0:18:07having a clear view of somebody else's shed.

0:18:07 > 0:18:10The voice-activated light switches were a time-saver, though.

0:18:10 > 0:18:14Sorry, but that was about as far from my idea of a home as you can get.

0:18:14 > 0:18:16All right! I don't see you coming up with many options.

0:18:16 > 0:18:18No, sorry, I was just saying.

0:18:18 > 0:18:21Looks like we're going to have a little bit longer to wait.

0:18:50 > 0:18:52Oh, morning, Lance.

0:18:53 > 0:18:54Morning, Mags, love.

0:18:58 > 0:19:03MAGGIE HUMS

0:19:03 > 0:19:05WATER RUNS

0:19:25 > 0:19:26THUD

0:19:26 > 0:19:28CLINK

0:19:29 > 0:19:31HE PANTS

0:19:36 > 0:19:38What...?

0:19:40 > 0:19:44MAGGIE HUMS

0:19:44 > 0:19:45Maggie?

0:19:45 > 0:19:47Is that you?

0:19:49 > 0:19:51Hello, love.

0:19:51 > 0:19:53Sorry, you looked tired, you were yawning.

0:19:53 > 0:19:55I'm just having a little bath.

0:19:55 > 0:19:57It's all right, innit?

0:20:00 > 0:20:02What you doing here, Maggie?

0:20:04 > 0:20:06What are you doing here?

0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, Lance, it was awful.

0:20:10 > 0:20:12He turned out to be a real knob.

0:20:12 > 0:20:13A wanker, yeah.

0:20:13 > 0:20:15- He fooled everyone.- Well...

0:20:15 > 0:20:18How could I have been so stupid?

0:20:18 > 0:20:20I couldn't see past his...

0:20:20 > 0:20:23..his broad chest and manly arms.

0:20:23 > 0:20:25Must have been hard to.

0:20:26 > 0:20:28You know that Tracey Ullman song, Fast Car?

0:20:28 > 0:20:30Tracy Chapman, yeah.

0:20:30 > 0:20:31It was like that.

0:20:31 > 0:20:33I had a job that paid all our bills,

0:20:33 > 0:20:35he stayed out late drinking at the bar.

0:20:35 > 0:20:37It was exactly like that song.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39Except he didn't have a fast car.

0:20:40 > 0:20:42- He had a Toyota Yaris.- Average.

0:20:42 > 0:20:45Listen, Maggie, you can't stay here.

0:20:45 > 0:20:47Oh, it'll only be for a few nights.

0:20:47 > 0:20:49Your daughter's away, I can have her room.

0:20:49 > 0:20:50But I've got a girlfriend.

0:20:50 > 0:20:53Have you? Oh, ain't that nice?

0:20:54 > 0:20:56You deserve it, Lance.

0:20:56 > 0:20:58She's supposed to be staying the weekend.

0:20:58 > 0:21:00I'll be quiet as a mouse.

0:21:10 > 0:21:12Voicemail.

0:21:13 > 0:21:15Oh, hi, love.

0:21:15 > 0:21:19Ah, sorry, bad timing, you'll be driving to work.

0:21:19 > 0:21:22Anyway, I just wanted to tell you,

0:21:22 > 0:21:25Kate's decided she's not going away this weekend.

0:21:25 > 0:21:29I offered her to take my car, but she's got a stinking cold

0:21:29 > 0:21:31and she's all tucked up.

0:21:31 > 0:21:32So...

0:21:32 > 0:21:34..maybe next weekend?

0:21:34 > 0:21:35Anyway,

0:21:35 > 0:21:38give us a call when you get this message.

0:21:38 > 0:21:39Bye.

0:21:41 > 0:21:42Aeroplane mode...

0:21:42 > 0:21:44..set.

0:21:48 > 0:21:49Slippery slope, mate.

0:21:51 > 0:21:52Slippery slope.

0:22:05 > 0:22:09METAL DETECTOR BLEEPS

0:22:09 > 0:22:13METAL DETECTOR HUMS

0:22:53 > 0:22:55BEEPS RAPIDLY

0:23:05 > 0:23:07MEDITERRANEAN-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:17 > 0:23:18Andy?

0:23:38 > 0:23:39MUSIC STOPS

0:23:58 > 0:24:00Got any AA batteries?

0:24:00 > 0:24:01What's that?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03Batteries, AA?

0:24:03 > 0:24:05Front pocket of my bag.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07You may want to come and have a look at this.

0:24:07 > 0:24:08What you got, Roman?

0:24:10 > 0:24:11Come and see.

0:24:11 > 0:24:13Tell me you've not found gold?

0:24:13 > 0:24:15You're acting strangely. Have you found gold?

0:24:15 > 0:24:17Maybe I have, maybe I haven't.

0:24:21 > 0:24:23No.

0:24:23 > 0:24:24What?

0:24:24 > 0:24:25SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS

0:24:28 > 0:24:30Noooooooooooo!

0:24:37 > 0:24:39No, no, no!

0:24:39 > 0:24:41Ah!

0:24:41 > 0:24:43Oh, no.

0:24:43 > 0:24:45I didn't even touch it, I haven't picked it up.

0:24:45 > 0:24:47I wanted to take a photo of it in situ.

0:24:47 > 0:24:50Did you see the glint of gold as it flew away?

0:24:50 > 0:24:51Did you see it?

0:24:51 > 0:24:53Well, I saw a glint.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55To be honest, it looked more silver in the light.

0:24:55 > 0:24:56You take that back.

0:24:56 > 0:24:58Or copper alloy.

0:24:59 > 0:25:01It was gold.

0:25:01 > 0:25:02Oh.

0:25:08 > 0:25:11Just swooped down in one movement, and then it was away,

0:25:11 > 0:25:13over the trees, never to be seen again.

0:25:13 > 0:25:14Right in front of your eyes?

0:25:14 > 0:25:15- Right in front of our eyes.- Huh!

0:25:15 > 0:25:17Hang on, hang on.

0:25:17 > 0:25:19Why are you telling all this with such glee?

0:25:19 > 0:25:20I'm not.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22Yes, you are.

0:25:22 > 0:25:25It's like you've become Mr I've Got Great News.

0:25:25 > 0:25:29Mr I've Got Exciting News To Tell Everyone.

0:25:29 > 0:25:32"Away over the trees,

0:25:32 > 0:25:34"never to be seen again."

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Incredible to witness that, really.

0:25:36 > 0:25:38A magpie stealing a coin.

0:25:38 > 0:25:40At least you got an anecdote out of it.

0:25:40 > 0:25:42I don't want an anecdote.

0:25:42 > 0:25:44Make a nice children's story.

0:25:44 > 0:25:46The Tale Of The Magpie...

0:25:46 > 0:25:48I want a gold coin.

0:25:48 > 0:25:49..And The Greedy Man.

0:25:51 > 0:25:52What was it, the coin?

0:25:52 > 0:25:56Septimius Severus, I think, but I didn't even see the obverse.

0:25:56 > 0:25:57I didn't touch it.

0:25:57 > 0:26:01Well, I don't think you'll be seeing that again, in my experience.

0:26:01 > 0:26:04And what is your experience of this, Russell?

0:26:04 > 0:26:05I'm sorry to snap, mate,

0:26:05 > 0:26:08but what experience have you had of this sort of thing?

0:26:08 > 0:26:10Lost a Frisbee once.

0:26:12 > 0:26:14Did you check your hole?

0:26:14 > 0:26:16Oh, it wasn't in the hole, Hugh.

0:26:16 > 0:26:19I told you, it came out in the plug.

0:26:19 > 0:26:21I know, but you did check the hole?

0:26:23 > 0:26:26You did check your hole, didn't you, Lance?

0:26:27 > 0:26:31Well, I was in shock, I...I didn't...

0:26:32 > 0:26:34We just ran away, we....

0:26:34 > 0:26:36PHONE BUZZES

0:26:36 > 0:26:38Oh, I gotta take this.

0:26:38 > 0:26:40How many times?

0:26:40 > 0:26:42Always check your hole.

0:26:42 > 0:26:44I mean, if that is a burial, like you think,

0:26:44 > 0:26:47and there's bits of burnt pot, there could be more gold down there.

0:26:47 > 0:26:49I know, I can't believe he didn't check.

0:26:49 > 0:26:53Well, you need to get down there first thing, secure the permission.

0:26:53 > 0:26:54You should camp out.

0:26:54 > 0:26:56Yeah. Well, I mean, I would,

0:26:56 > 0:26:59but I don't think Lance has ever camped in his life.

0:26:59 > 0:27:01He likes his creature comforts too much.

0:27:02 > 0:27:04Hello, Mags?

0:27:04 > 0:27:06You all right?

0:27:06 > 0:27:07Hello, love.

0:27:07 > 0:27:09Now, listen, I found a bottle.

0:27:09 > 0:27:10Hope you don't mind.

0:27:10 > 0:27:13I've already had a glass, but I don't want to get too giggly.

0:27:13 > 0:27:15Oh!

0:27:15 > 0:27:17What time will you be back?

0:27:19 > 0:27:21Anyone got a tent?

0:27:21 > 0:27:23I reckon we should camp out.

0:27:26 > 0:27:27Ah!

0:27:27 > 0:27:28That's Orion, look.

0:27:29 > 0:27:32And that's his belt.

0:27:32 > 0:27:35One, two, three in a row.

0:27:37 > 0:27:38You see that?

0:27:38 > 0:27:40Mate, I'm not five.

0:27:40 > 0:27:42I know what Orion looks like.

0:27:42 > 0:27:43Show me another constellation,

0:27:43 > 0:27:45then I'll be impressed.

0:27:50 > 0:27:52You're looking for the Plough, aren't you?

0:27:52 > 0:27:53Yeah.