0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains adult humour.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:20 > 0:00:23Hello, and welcome to Don't Drop The Baton.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- I'm Susan Calman. - And I'm Mark Nelson,
0:00:26 > 0:00:29and we're here at the Wild Cabaret in the heart of Glasgow's Merchant City.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Well, what a fantastic couple of weeks this has been.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35It's been amazing, hasn't it, Mark?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Ask me what my favourite bit was.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Go on, ask me, what was my favourite bit, go on, ask me, ask me.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41OK, what was your favourite moment?
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Only the invention of the most electrifying celebration in sport -
0:00:45 > 0:00:47the Rumgay!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49You know, after the guy that did the table tennis,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I don't know if you saw it -
0:00:51 > 0:00:52rarr!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I just can't stop doing it now after any achievement.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58A breakfast - Rumgay. Park my car - Rumgay.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Did a good Rumgay - double Rumgay.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I just can't...
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I'm just Rumgaying mad.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Now, did you enjoy the Games, Mark?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Tell me - you're often known as slightly grumpy,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09but tell me you enjoyed them.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11If you didn't enjoy them, I don't think I could cope.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Tell me you enjoyed them, Mark.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15- I loved them.- Yes!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- I genuinely loved them.- Rarr!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I think my personal highlight was seeing the double gold medal
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- won by our tandem cyclists.- Mmm.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I think what impressed me the most
0:01:29 > 0:01:30was that they worked so well together,
0:01:30 > 0:01:33despite their massive difference in size.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Do you, eh...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Do you think we should... Do you think we should give it a go, Mark?
0:01:39 > 0:01:40The-the tandem?!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Yes, the tandem, nothing else, Mark.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48You mean, the next four years with your nose in my arse?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Well, let's try it and see whether or not it's an acceptable thing.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Let's just have a wee...
0:01:55 > 0:01:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:02 > 0:02:03You know what, Susan?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I don't think we should even get a bike.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Listen, the Games have been really romantic.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13There have been two marriage proposals in the cycling, Mark,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16and there was even one in the crowd at the rugby sevens.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18WHOOPING
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Yeah, that's the danger of selling alcohol at the stadiums.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- SLURRED:- I love you.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27But the opening ceremony was something else, wasn't it?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- It was quite remarkable.- It was.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32It was kind of like the ultimate Scottish wedding,
0:02:32 > 0:02:34but done backwards,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37because... all of the beautiful outfits,
0:02:37 > 0:02:39the music, the speeches, came at the end,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41but it was the beginning
0:02:41 > 0:02:44where we packed in the drunk dancing...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46the singing where you couldn't understand
0:02:46 > 0:02:48a word anyone was saying...
0:02:48 > 0:02:52and the mad auntie talking to herself.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:02:58I've been on the auction websites because I wanted a memory
0:02:58 > 0:02:59of the opening ceremony,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01but I didn't get all of the items that I wanted.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I mean, a teacake was £1,600.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08A cardboard sheep was £200.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I only had 20 quid so I got Prince Philip.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:17 > 0:03:20All the sports have been great, all of them.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22So many lovely stories about the Games, as well.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Like, the Brownlee brothers, they do the triathlons,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27and they have to compete against each other.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29And they get on really well, apparently,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31but it must be really tempting at the toughest part of the race
0:03:31 > 0:03:33for one of them just to lean into the other
0:03:33 > 0:03:35and go, "You're adopted."
0:03:35 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:41 > 0:03:43One of my favourite moments - I was watching it the other night -
0:03:43 > 0:03:47someone took the time to make a handmade sign at the bowls
0:03:47 > 0:03:50calling "Tattie" Marshall "the Lionel Messi of bowls"!
0:03:54 > 0:03:58I mean, if anything, it should have been the Luis Suarez of bowls,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- because that man looks like he's not afraid to eat anything.- Yeah.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I'm only disappointed they didn't let me
0:04:04 > 0:04:07recreate the John Barrowman kiss
0:04:07 > 0:04:09with Kylie Minogue in the closing ceremony.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11WHOOPING
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Yeah, there was quite a lot of security in place
0:04:13 > 0:04:16to stop exactly that, wasn't there, Susan?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18LAUGHTER
0:04:18 > 0:04:22MUSIC: "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" by One Direction
0:04:26 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:47 > 0:04:49LAUGHTER
0:04:57 > 0:04:59PHONE DIALLING
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- 'Hello.'- Hello, Sandra.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Can you tell me why so many people are using
0:05:03 > 0:05:04the same Portaloo at Glasgow Green?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06INAUDIBLE
0:05:06 > 0:05:07I see.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10We're going to need to get some more.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12A lot more.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14And, eh, get that one cleaned.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15LAUGHTER
0:05:16 > 0:05:19CROWD CHEERING
0:05:19 > 0:05:22ROUSING MUSIC
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Right, Stevie, get the Australian anthem, please.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27What?!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I thought it was the Jamaican that was supposed to win that one?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33It was, but the Australian pipped him on the line. Hurry up and set it up.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34I don't have it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- What do you mean, you don't have it?! - I had it yesterday
0:05:36 > 0:05:39but I took it home to let the girlfriend hear some of the anthems.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I've told you before, stop taking stuff home to her!
0:05:42 > 0:05:43- Hurry up and get it!- Where?!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I don't know, the internet or something.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I don't have it on my Spotify! What are we going to do?!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52He's away up! Eh...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54FEEDBACK WHINES
0:05:54 > 0:05:59ECHOING THROUGH SPEAKERS: # Y-You know we belong together
0:05:59 > 0:06:03# You and I for ever and ever
0:06:03 > 0:06:08# No matter where you are
0:06:08 > 0:06:12TOGETHER: # You're my guiding star
0:06:12 > 0:06:16# Hold me in your arms, don't let me go
0:06:16 > 0:06:20# I want to stay for ever
0:06:20 > 0:06:24# Closer each day
0:06:24 > 0:06:28# Home and away. #
0:06:34 > 0:06:35BUZZER
0:06:35 > 0:06:37ALARM BLARES
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Verruca! We've got a verruca!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Put this on, right now!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48You dirty, dirty boy!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Verruca! We've got a verruca!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02172.5 miles to go.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Nearly there, kids!
0:07:08 > 0:07:13Come on! We've only got three hours before it starts, come on!
0:07:14 > 0:07:19That's the spot, we'll set up over there. Perfect. Come on, come on!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24They'll have started now. Are you excited?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Come on, who's having a good time?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Yeah, me too, kids.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Me too.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Here we go, this is what we're here for!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Alice, quick, get ready with that camera.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Oh, that was great.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Really made the trip worth it.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Once in a lifetime, eh?
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Right, let's get this all packed up then. Got a long drive home.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Don't forget the banner.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I was really worried that these Games would be abysmal.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04But...
0:08:04 > 0:08:08it hasn't, it's been success after success.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10As a nation, we are not used to this success,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12especially when it comes to sport.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15And this has to have some effect on our national psyche.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19We're so used to being the underdog, that with our new-found success, our
0:08:19 > 0:08:23natural instinct was to support other nations, who were now the underdogs.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26We rallied behind Nigeria in the table tennis
0:08:26 > 0:08:28against the favourites from Singapore.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32At the rugby sevens, one of the biggest chants came for the Ugandans.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36In the past couple of weeks, we have adopted more Africans
0:08:36 > 0:08:39than Madonna and Angelina Jolie put together!
0:08:39 > 0:08:40APPLAUSE
0:08:42 > 0:08:44But where do we go from here?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Let's be honest, did any of us really see the day
0:08:47 > 0:08:50when we would be one of the best nations in the world at swimming?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53And if you think WE were surprised by the success,
0:08:53 > 0:08:54what about the swimmers themselves?
0:08:54 > 0:09:00Ross Murdoch's reaction after he won that gold was priceless.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03It was the same reaction you would get from a wee guy
0:09:03 > 0:09:07who'd just pulled the best-looking girl at school, in front of all his pals.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Michael Jamieson's reaction, on the other hand,
0:09:12 > 0:09:16was the same you'd get from a guy who's just seen his incredibly
0:09:16 > 0:09:19good-looking girlfriend getting off with Ross Murdoch.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25And I'll tell you - I'll tell you how confident we've become at swimming.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28We stuck a wee 13-year-old lassie in a race, just for a laugh,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30and SHE won a medal!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Erraid Davies wasn't even there to compete that day -
0:09:37 > 0:09:39she was just there to have a go on the flumes!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Scotland's men have even won their first team gymnastics medal,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47and Daniel Keating won gold in the pommel horse.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51We have gone from being the heart attack capital of Europe
0:09:51 > 0:09:55to being able to perform a perfect double pike dismount overnight.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59I'm actually amazed the gymnasts weren't banned from the arenas
0:09:59 > 0:10:01for political reasons - because trust me,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03when my wife saw their bodies,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06all she could think was, "Yes!"
0:10:08 > 0:10:11We were even cheering on England!
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Previously, I would have supported Al-Qaeda Select XI...
0:10:18 > 0:10:20..if they were playing England at dominoes.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25But this is what happens when you start getting good at things,
0:10:25 > 0:10:27you stop wishing everyone else was just doing badly
0:10:27 > 0:10:29and you're quite happy for everyone.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32To see how much these Games have changed our attitude, you have to
0:10:32 > 0:10:36look no further than when Usain Bolt allegedly described Glasgow
0:10:36 > 0:10:37as being "a bit shit".
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Now, before the Games, we would have probably have just agreed with him.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48But no, not now, no, no - this is the new and improved Glasgow.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51So, Usain, on behalf of Glasgow, we're not having that.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Even the one thing we could always rely on to be rubbish,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57the one thing that would return us to our cynical state,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00even that worked out - the weather.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05People complaining beforehand - "Yeah, but it'll rain, it'll rain."
0:11:05 > 0:11:07But it hasn't even properly rained...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Well, as long as we forget that day it absolutely pished down.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17But now, our collective minds have been reprogrammed.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22We now expect sunshine. And we're shocked when we don't have it!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Do you know how liberating it is in July to leave the house
0:11:25 > 0:11:27without a cagoule?!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33At one point, it was so hot, we started to moan about how HOT it was!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36We started to use the term "heatwave"!
0:11:37 > 0:11:42Because in other countries, a heatwave means something.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45It normally means that riverbeds have dried out.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47A heatwave here just means
0:11:47 > 0:11:50you've managed to get two washings out on the same day.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56And I think this positivity is going to be the ultimate
0:11:56 > 0:11:59legacy for Glasgow 2014, cos it's not about us
0:11:59 > 0:12:03having a new place to cycle or having a new housing estate in the East End.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Our legacy is we are now seen by the world as a friendly,
0:12:07 > 0:12:11joyful nation who are actually quite good at sport.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13More importantly than that,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16maybe this is how we will start to see ourselves.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Well done, Glasgow.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Some Glasgow residents are helping out during the Games by putting
0:12:25 > 0:12:29their own skills to good use, like local umbrella salesman, Gary.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34We all know the weather in the west of Scotland can be unpredictable.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36'What if Plan A doesn't work?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39'That's where I come in. Meet Plan B.'
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I can do better, I know I can.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I have to.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45'There is no Plan C.'
0:12:52 > 0:12:54'It's me against the rain.'
0:12:54 > 0:12:55More.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57If you're expecting the Commonwealth Games
0:12:57 > 0:12:59to be affected by rain, you're in for a shock.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01The sun is beating down on Glasgow with a top
0:13:01 > 0:13:02temperature of 27 Celsius.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Tomorrow, it's expected to reach 28...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09PHONE RINGS
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Hello.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Well, it's not what I signed up for, but if you need me.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23MUSIC: "Zumba Bimba"
0:13:50 > 0:13:51APPLAUSE
0:13:52 > 0:13:55MUSIC: "Firestarter" by The Prodigy
0:14:25 > 0:14:27APPLAUSE
0:14:36 > 0:14:39# You raise me up
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# So I can stand on mountains
0:14:46 > 0:14:49# You raise me up
0:14:49 > 0:14:54# To walk on stormy seas... #
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I never thought I'd get employed.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02But see when they opened up this velodrome, well,
0:15:02 > 0:15:05they said I was just perfect for this one.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Sandra, quick question.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Why have three people come joint first at the running?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Oh, they're not joint first. They're second and third.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37They came second and third? So do they get a rosette for that?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Yeah, and silver and bronze medals.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43OK, we're going to need silver and bronze paint, Sandra.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46A lot.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56No tickets for the swimming? No problem.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Staff only.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Do you know who I am?- No. - I'm Hazel Irvine.- No, you're not.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I am. Ask me a question about sport, any sport.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Go on, ask me about snooker.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I know what Hazel Irvine looks like. You're not her.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Does Hazel Irvine have a clipboard?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Do I have a clipboard? I rest my case.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19You're not Hazel Irvine. You can't get into the swimming.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- What if I said I was Jackie Bird? - Are you?- No, I'm Hazel Irvine.- No.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- How about Annie Lennox?- Are you? - No, I'm Hazel Irvine.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Hazel hair, hazel teeth, hazel blouse, Hazel here. Hazel Irvine.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Hazel Irvine. Hazel Irvine.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35That's the password, Miss Irvine. Can't be too careful these days.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36You can't.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Ya beauty!
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Everyone really got into the spirit of the Games, including me.
0:16:47 > 0:16:54I had one shot of being Hazel Irvine and I took it. Because I love her.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I genuinely... I genuinely love Hazel Irvine.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58The athletes in 2012
0:16:58 > 0:17:01had the Olympic rings tattooed on themselves.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06She's my hero, so I'm getting a tattoo of Hazel Irvine on my back.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Hazel Irvine has actually got a tattoo of Clare Balding on her back,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13and Clare Balding has a tattoo of Gary Lineker on her back,
0:17:13 > 0:17:16and Gary Lineker has a tattoo of himself on his back.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19How fabulous were the Clydesiders, though?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I mean, they were setting the tone, weren't they great?
0:17:22 > 0:17:23CHEERING
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I liked them from the start,
0:17:25 > 0:17:29because Clydesiders actually scans with Ghostbusters.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31If there's something strange in your neighbourhood,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- who are you going to call? AUDIENCE:- Clydesiders!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I don't know what I'm going to do without them. I genuinely don't.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I mean, we're all used to them.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Who's going to high-five me in George Square
0:17:41 > 0:17:43just for crossing at the green man?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47APPLAUSE
0:17:48 > 0:17:53I love them so much I tried to buy a Clydesider in the online auction.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Just imagine getting up in the morning and being greeted
0:17:56 > 0:18:00by a smiling volunteer at the end of your bed waving a green foam finger.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04"You're amazing, Susan." Thank you!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09You'd never need to go on Google Maps ever again.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12You could spot a Clydesider a mile away by their lanyards,
0:18:12 > 0:18:14you know, the massive ID cards.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19I tried to join in by hanging a laminated table mat around me neck.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Now, the real legacy of the Games, of course,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25are the thousands of Glaswegians who will be off work with back
0:18:25 > 0:18:28troubles after wearing the lanyards for 11 days.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31All the home nations have had loads of supporters,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34but the only thing that niggled was when anyone mentioned Team Wales.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37I wanted to correct them because a team of whales is a pod.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42If you watched the athletics at Hampden, you will know
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Glaswegians were brilliant at supporting the underdogs.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48As an athlete, if you heard your name booming around the stadium,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50the good news was we loved you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53The bad news was - we didn't fancy your chances very much.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I didn't get to a live rugby match - there's no point.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00The crowd are so posh they wear their rugby shirt collars up,
0:19:00 > 0:19:04which makes it harder for people of my height to see anything.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Really, I'm a bit jealous of all the athletes.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I'd love to win a gold medal, not just because I'm competitive,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11but I want to be the highest on the podium,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14so for once I can be taller than everyone else.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16The whole of Glasgow has embraced the Games.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19At the marathon, people were hanging out of tenement windows,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21updating the crowd on the race.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23And I was out watching the marathon.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26I saw something I never thought I would see in my life -
0:19:26 > 0:19:28the main police rider was driving down the street waving
0:19:28 > 0:19:31to everyone. You'd have thought he was the main attraction.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33He was like that, "Hiya! Hi, everybody!"
0:19:33 > 0:19:36It's like, "Never mind the trained athletes behind you."
0:19:36 > 0:19:38He was like that, "Hiya, everyone."
0:19:38 > 0:19:43And people were cheering. People were cheering the police, genuinely.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I thought I'd entered an alternate reality.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49People were like that, "There's the polis."
0:19:51 > 0:19:52It wasn't a one-off either.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54The police were in good spirits the whole time.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Do you remember the four Sri Lankan cyclists who were
0:19:57 > 0:20:02stopped by the cops...cycling down the M74?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05"Oh, we'll just go for a wee ride down the M74.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08"It's awfy busy, isn't it?"
0:20:08 > 0:20:10You just imagine the police stopping them.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13"Right, off the bikes. I'm going to have to take your names now.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16"What's...? Buda-buda-buda-haka-war...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19"Can you spell that, sir? How are you spelling that there?
0:20:19 > 0:20:20"Listen, let's just leave it. Er...
0:20:24 > 0:20:27"Next time, take the M8 - it's an easier access."
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Everyone, though, got right into the spirit of it.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35We all played our part and Scotland had a chance to shine.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37And did we take that chance?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You can bet your Barrowman we did.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45APPLAUSE
0:20:50 > 0:20:53A Chris Hoy action doll.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55In the past, it was simply known as a mirror.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59With this rebrand, we launch it again as Hoy, You.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03The Old Man of Hoy and...
0:21:03 > 0:21:06DOG BARKS ..Hoy of the Rovers. Grr!
0:21:06 > 0:21:07A Hoy.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Little Lord Fontle Hoy.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17It's a telescope that you Gaffer Tape to a bike.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22Experience what it's like to be Chris Hoy after a 200-mile bike race.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23The Chris Hoy Nutcracker.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28What do you think?
0:21:37 > 0:21:42You've joined me for the big one - the 100m final.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44This is a wee change of pace for me
0:21:44 > 0:21:49as normally I'm commentating on the fast-paced dynamic world of bowls.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52So what's happening?
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Everyone's getting ready, by the looks of things.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58There's someone in lane one.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02From Jamaica, it says here.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I tell you what, if I was in Jamaica,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07I wouldn't be running as fast as I could.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I'd be sitting down with a cold glass of milk
0:22:10 > 0:22:14and trying not to get myself too excited.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15- In lane two... - GUN FIRES
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Oh, jings, they've started.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Let's just watch and I'll tell you all who they were at the end.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Where's my pen?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26It's always the way, isn't it?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Whenever you need one, you can't find one.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33How am I supposed to write down who won if I don't have a pen?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Oh, is that it?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I didn't see what happened.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I was too busy raking about in my jacket.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I suppose we'll read all about it in the papers tomorrow.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Oh, here it was all along...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53under my notepad.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I knew I had a pen.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59You don't get to this level without having a pen when you need one.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02It's called being a professional.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05That me done?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11SIRENS BLARE
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Let me see what I can do for you.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Police! - MAN ON RADIO:- All units, go, go, go!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51RADIO CHATTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:08You sick bastard! Selling this stuff to kids.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10HE VOMITS
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Netball tickets. First round?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Have you got any idea what this can do to people?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I can understand cycling. That's a recreational sport but netball?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21You're scum.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24I don't watch it. I just sell it.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Why don't you two go and catch some real criminals?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Netball's a gateway event. Next thing you'll be telling me
0:24:30 > 0:24:33you've been selling rhythmic gymnastics tickets.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34I'm going to kill him!
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Cool off! Go and sit in the car and take them with you.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40HE VOMITS
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- Hand them over. - I couldn't get them.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49You promised me swimming tickets.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Like gold dust. Swimming, athletics, velodrome, everyone wants them.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56You'd better get me some or I'll start putting it about that you
0:24:56 > 0:24:58are selling something worse than netball tickets.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00What's worse than net..?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03No.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05No, you wouldn't do that to me.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I get caught selling that stuff, I'm finished.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09My life will be over.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14Well then, get me in the swimming or I'll start connecting your name
0:25:14 > 0:25:16to three little words -
0:25:16 > 0:25:21closing ceremony tickets.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Glasgow's Commonwealth legacy.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- We've regenerated Dalmarnock into a thriving...- Car park.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- This community playground is now a...- Car park.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- This over-performing primary school...- Car park.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- This women's house...- Car park. - This woman...- Car park.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- The Clyde... - Still the same old Clyde.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- This car park... - Mega car park!
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- Glasgow...- Car park for building other car parks.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Glasgow's alive...with car parks.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Next to the mat, in the male 96 kilo category,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Nathan Jones of Australia...
0:26:07 > 0:26:09And a challenger.
0:26:09 > 0:26:16All the way fae Ayrshire, Scotland, it's Grado!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18It's yersel!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# I'm down on my knees
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# I'm going to take you there
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# In the midnight hour
0:26:27 > 0:26:29# I can feel the power
0:26:29 > 0:26:31# Just like a dream...
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Hey, hey, hey! I told you, this is freestyle wrestling,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38not that American pish.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Get your heid in the game.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44CHEERING
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Get up! You'll get yourself disqualified.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52One, two, three...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Yes!
0:26:54 > 0:26:58I cannae believe it. I've won a golden medal.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Here's your winner,
0:27:00 > 0:27:04the new Commonwealth champion of the world, Grado!
0:27:09 > 0:27:11So, the games are over
0:27:11 > 0:27:15and that's the last we're going to see of Clyde the mascot.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I know, just on the way here today,
0:27:17 > 0:27:21I actually saw some council workers douse him in weedkiller.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22LAUGHTER
0:27:22 > 0:27:24The volunteers have all gone home.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Sadly, those with male partners taking their foam fingers home
0:27:27 > 0:27:29with them, won't be popular.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33There's nothing like a giant hand to make a man's bits look tiny.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40And of course, everyone who bought a house in the athletes' village
0:27:40 > 0:27:43can look forward to moving in and immediately spending a grand
0:27:43 > 0:27:47on a deep clean to get sweat rings out of the leather sofa.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51If only, this is my dream, if only Sean Connery
0:27:51 > 0:27:53had starred in the closing ceremony
0:27:53 > 0:27:55leading a sing-along of...
0:27:55 > 0:27:59# Foam-finger! #
0:27:59 > 0:28:01APPLAUSE
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Do you know, we've had a brilliant time at the Commonwealth Games.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I'd love to do this every year.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Thank you all so, so much for watching. BOTH: Good night.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Good night, everyone.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE