Episode 1

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Lincolnshire?- Yes, sir.- Binky. - Yes, sir.- Timkins.- Yes, sir.

0:00:04 > 0:00:07- Cumberland.- Yes, sir.- Thomson. - Yes, sir.- Dribbler.- Yes, sir.

0:00:07 > 0:00:09- Richard.- Yes, sir.- Pork And Mustard. - Yes, sir.

0:00:09 > 0:00:11- Bratwurst.- Yes, sir.- Sweet Chilli. - Yes, sir.- Dangler.- Yes.

0:00:11 > 0:00:13# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:00:13 > 0:00:17# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo doodle-doodle

0:00:20 > 0:00:22# Doodlebug

0:00:22 > 0:00:23# Bmm-bmm-bmm-bmm

0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug. #

0:00:31 > 0:00:33Put me down now, Stephen.

0:00:33 > 0:00:34Stephen, come on it's bedtime.

0:00:34 > 0:00:36We know we said earlier... Argh!

0:00:37 > 0:00:39Come on, now don't make me call your mum...

0:00:41 > 0:00:43Come on now, you...

0:00:43 > 0:00:45You promised once you'd had your snack,

0:00:45 > 0:00:47you were going to go to bed. Now come on.

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Stephen... Stephen, you...

0:00:49 > 0:00:50Don't even think about it, Stephen!

0:00:50 > 0:00:53I'm warning you, I'm going to call your mother!

0:00:53 > 0:00:56Enough now. I've given you enough leeway.

0:00:56 > 0:00:58Ow!

0:00:58 > 0:00:59£8 an hour for baby-sitting...

0:01:00 > 0:01:02..you've got to be kidding me.

0:01:02 > 0:01:05POLE LAUGHS

0:01:11 > 0:01:14I don't know whether I like this any more!

0:01:14 > 0:01:16POLE CONTINUES LAUGHING

0:01:16 > 0:01:19Oh, Gary, be careful.

0:01:19 > 0:01:21Someone could just walk in at any minute.

0:01:21 > 0:01:24But, I can't wait any longer, just kiss me!

0:01:24 > 0:01:27Kiss me like you've never kissed anything before!

0:01:27 > 0:01:28Please, kiss me.

0:01:28 > 0:01:30Oh, God. Oh...

0:01:30 > 0:01:32Oh, Bryan's coming!

0:01:32 > 0:01:34Act natural, act natural!

0:01:34 > 0:01:38So, as I was saying, we've just had moss put on the wall.

0:01:38 > 0:01:40And we're thinking of putting in a dado rail.

0:01:40 > 0:01:42Oh, he's gone.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45Oh God, that was too close. We can't keep doing this, Gary!

0:01:46 > 0:01:48CAT PURRS

0:01:48 > 0:01:51What can I say? We're in love, you know?

0:01:51 > 0:01:54Sure, he's a cat, I'm a balloon...

0:01:54 > 0:01:57Oh, stop it! You're so affectionate.

0:01:57 > 0:02:00It shouldn't work, but it does.

0:02:00 > 0:02:01It really does.

0:02:01 > 0:02:04Am I happy? Do I look happy?

0:02:04 > 0:02:05Of course I'm happy, I'm delighted.

0:02:05 > 0:02:07Sure, there's an age gap,

0:02:07 > 0:02:11but this little furball keeps me young!

0:02:11 > 0:02:14And the people may talk, but let them talk,

0:02:14 > 0:02:16let them say what they want.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19I don't see any reason why we can't be together forever

0:02:19 > 0:02:21and ever and ever and e...

0:02:21 > 0:02:23CAT YOWLS

0:02:29 > 0:02:34LAWN MOWER MUNCHES

0:02:35 > 0:02:37LAWN MOWER BURPS

0:02:39 > 0:02:43MACHINE LAUGHS

0:02:45 > 0:02:48Uh-oh!

0:02:48 > 0:02:50Oooh!

0:02:51 > 0:02:54# You put the cat in the kettle and the kettle in the cat

0:02:54 > 0:02:58# And the cat in the kettle and it looks like that. #

0:02:58 > 0:03:01Everybody now, sing along!

0:03:01 > 0:03:02Oh, he's not interested now.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05Hang on, he loves this song, he'll be back.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08He'll be back. Come on, love.

0:03:08 > 0:03:12# Put the cat in the kettle and the kettle in the cat... #

0:03:12 > 0:03:15I mean it's not a famous nursery rhyme, but these things take time.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17You've got to start somewhere.

0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Ready?- Yeah. You sure about this, dude?

0:03:22 > 0:03:25Dude! Trust me, man, it's such a rush! You're gonna love it.

0:03:25 > 0:03:26This does not feel safe, dude!

0:03:26 > 0:03:28This does not feel safe.

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Here we go, dude! OK, it's coming.

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Are you ready? Three, two, one...

0:03:33 > 0:03:35..woooo!

0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Whoa!- Hey!

0:03:38 > 0:03:39What did I say, man? What a rush!

0:03:39 > 0:03:42Man, that is cricket, dude. That is cricket.

0:03:42 > 0:03:45# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:03:45 > 0:03:49# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug. #

0:03:49 > 0:03:52EASTENDERS THEME PLAYS

0:03:52 > 0:03:53OK, quiet on set!

0:03:53 > 0:03:56I'm going to rehearse it one more time with the actress!

0:03:56 > 0:03:58And the next time, we're going to shoot! OK.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00And...action!

0:04:00 > 0:04:03OK. Walk to me, walk to me. Good, good.

0:04:03 > 0:04:05Open the tap. Excellent.

0:04:05 > 0:04:08OK., What's the first line? "I do, I do something."

0:04:08 > 0:04:11- I do know that I wasn't very nice to him...- Yes, good.

0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK, good. Nice energy.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15- Tell you that, did he?! - Good good, bring bit more.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Pillow talk!- Pillow talk, lovely. Give bit more to me.

0:04:18 > 0:04:20Tell you that I was a hard-faced cow? Yeah, well, maybe I am, but...

0:04:20 > 0:04:22You are. You are a hard-faced cow.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24What's the next line?

0:04:24 > 0:04:27- He didn't deserve nice.- Excellent. Keep it low, nice and low for me.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29- What was he? What was he?- Selfish!

0:04:29 > 0:04:30A selfish what? A selfish what, hmm?

0:04:30 > 0:04:33A selfish man that was only happy when he was centre of attention.

0:04:33 > 0:04:36Now he's done a bunk, but you'd know all about that, wouldn't ya?!

0:04:36 > 0:04:37Love it! Bring to me, come on.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39Quiet again, quiet.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Selfish...- Buenisimo!

0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Who is it? Who is it?- Ev.- Ev?

0:04:44 > 0:04:45I think it's Trev.

0:04:45 > 0:04:47- She sussed him years ago. - Is it Ev or is it Trev?

0:04:47 > 0:04:48I think it's Trev.

0:04:48 > 0:04:52# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:04:52 > 0:04:54# Doodlebug. #

0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Hiya!- Hi...

0:04:56 > 0:04:59- You've gone all shy.- No, I haven't! - He has. He's gone all shy, look.

0:04:59 > 0:05:01LAUGHTER

0:05:01 > 0:05:03Um, we're brothers.

0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Twins.- Yeah, of course, twins!

0:05:05 > 0:05:07And, um...

0:05:07 > 0:05:09..a lot of people often confuse us.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Um, can't tell the difference.- No.

0:05:11 > 0:05:14But you can. If you look closely, we've got different noses.

0:05:14 > 0:05:15- Different noses.- We're here cos,

0:05:15 > 0:05:19- well, we're hoping to secure a record deal.- Record deal, yeah.

0:05:19 > 0:05:22- To Simon Cowell... - If you're out there...- ..sign us up!

0:05:22 > 0:05:24No, only joking. I think we've got good voices.

0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Cracking voices. - Cracking voices, yeah.

0:05:26 > 0:05:27And we look good.

0:05:27 > 0:05:31- And our USP is that... - BOTH:- ..we're twins!

0:05:31 > 0:05:32In the tradition of twin pop stars.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35Yeah, Jedward and The Proclaimers.

0:05:35 > 0:05:37Um, and Daft Punk.

0:05:37 > 0:05:39- Are Daft Punk brothers? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are.

0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Yeah, they're twins.- Really? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44What, cos of the helmets?

0:05:44 > 0:05:46- No, that's their faces.- Really? - Yeah, yeah.- Wow.

0:05:46 > 0:05:50# Around the world Around the world

0:05:50 > 0:05:54# Around the world Around the world. #

0:05:54 > 0:05:57OPERA SINGING

0:06:06 > 0:06:09Yep. It's a yes from me.

0:06:12 > 0:06:15Hey, you know what? I have a guilty pleasure!

0:06:15 > 0:06:18- What's this guilty pleasure? - It's, I love to watch Mr Bean.

0:06:18 > 0:06:20Ah! Mr Bean so funny!

0:06:20 > 0:06:23It's so funny! Because he's always making a mistake.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25Oh, look over here! Oh, bounce on my nose!

0:06:25 > 0:06:27And he slips over!

0:06:27 > 0:06:31I love the one where it's Christmas and he's making a turkey.

0:06:31 > 0:06:32And it ends up on his head!

0:06:32 > 0:06:34Oh, Mr Bean, you're so crazy!

0:06:34 > 0:06:36And he doesn't know where he's going!

0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh, Mr Bean!

0:06:38 > 0:06:40Mr Bean!

0:06:40 > 0:06:48# Is there life on Mars?

0:06:48 > 0:06:56# Is there life on Mars? #

0:07:02 > 0:07:04Probably not, but we can but dream.

0:07:08 > 0:07:11I was watching more Mr Bean.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Oh, bene, bene.- He's so funny.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18He's got a car, and he's strapping an armchair to the roof of a car.

0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Si.- And he's driving along!

0:07:21 > 0:07:25Wait a minute! How he drive his car from armchair on the roof?

0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, that's a good question!

0:07:26 > 0:07:28He's using a broomstick.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30A broomstick? Oh!

0:07:30 > 0:07:33I mean, who would do that in real life?

0:07:33 > 0:07:36Mr Bean!

0:07:36 > 0:07:39I love Mr Bean!

0:07:39 > 0:07:40So funny!

0:07:40 > 0:07:45# Here I go again on my own!

0:07:45 > 0:07:48# Going down the only road I've ever known

0:07:50 > 0:07:53# Like a drifter I was born to walk alone! #

0:07:58 > 0:08:00She's so bright for a three-year-old, you know?

0:08:00 > 0:08:02I said, "There's no way you can build me any taller,"

0:08:02 > 0:08:04and then she did! Shush, shush, shush!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06- What?- Shush!- What is it? - Everyone shush!

0:08:06 > 0:08:08- What's coming!- What's wrong?

0:08:08 > 0:08:10- He's coming!- Who?

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Oh!

0:08:12 > 0:08:15- There's a parakeet behind me, isn't there?- Yes.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18Now look, if this is about me touching your nuts,

0:08:18 > 0:08:20I had no idea they were yours.

0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Perfectly still... - Please, Mr Parakeet.

0:08:23 > 0:08:24- Show no fear.- Don't hurt me!

0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Shut up.- I've never done nothing...

0:08:27 > 0:08:30Whoops! I love your quiff!

0:08:31 > 0:08:33Great party.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35Welcome, traveller,

0:08:35 > 0:08:37who dares to drink the un-flushed wee

0:08:37 > 0:08:40must answer first these riddles three.

0:08:40 > 0:08:43No, you've got to answer the riddles first.

0:08:43 > 0:08:45All right, have a bit now, but then answer the riddles.

0:08:45 > 0:08:47All right?

0:08:47 > 0:08:50Wings have I but feathered not, and two legs for...

0:08:52 > 0:08:53No. You're not supposed to drink

0:08:53 > 0:08:55until you've answered the three riddles.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Come back, sir.

0:08:57 > 0:08:58Hey, mate, come here.

0:08:58 > 0:09:01I've got a mouse you can have. Come in and have a look.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03No, it's all right. Come on, just stick your head in here.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05No, seriously.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08Hey! It's just toast! Toast, isn't it?

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Toast, cat! Toast! Idiot!

0:09:17 > 0:09:19Yeah, we have a right old good craic around here.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21We... In fact, the other day, yesterday,

0:09:21 > 0:09:24we were winding Mickey up about the new Doctor Who being a woman.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26He reckoned it's stolen his childhood.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29Mickey! What do you reckon about the new Doctor Who being a woman?

0:09:29 > 0:09:31Yeah, they've stolen my childhood.

0:09:31 > 0:09:33He's a stick in the mud, isn't he?

0:09:33 > 0:09:37I'm all for it myself. The winds of change - I think it's a good thing.

0:09:37 > 0:09:38Oh, yeah, I love it here.

0:10:17 > 0:10:19Have they no shame?!

0:10:19 > 0:10:20It's disgusting!

0:10:20 > 0:10:23They should do that in the privacy of their own home!

0:10:23 > 0:10:24Yeah!

0:10:24 > 0:10:25I just think it's disgusting!

0:10:25 > 0:10:27Rubbing our noses in it like this!

0:10:27 > 0:10:28Just brazen, isn't it?!

0:10:29 > 0:10:31What are you looking at, sweetheart?

0:10:31 > 0:10:34You've never seen a white and blue beach hut together before?

0:10:34 > 0:10:38It's 2017. Wake up and smell the coffee!

0:10:38 > 0:10:40- I feel really self-conscious. - Ignore them.

0:10:40 > 0:10:42You're with me. All right?

0:10:42 > 0:10:45- You make me feel happy. - You make me feel happy too.

0:10:45 > 0:10:47- I really love you.- I love you.

0:10:47 > 0:10:48It's us against the world.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55Hello, beautiful lady!

0:10:55 > 0:10:59- Please leave.- OK, maybe I see you later at the bar?

0:10:59 > 0:11:01This is my one chance to relax, thank you.

0:11:01 > 0:11:03Goodbye, beautiful lady!

0:11:03 > 0:11:04Thank you.

0:11:16 > 0:11:18I don't think they're coming back.

0:11:24 > 0:11:25First time in Cape Town?

0:11:25 > 0:11:27Oh, let me guess, I'm on your bucket list?

0:11:27 > 0:11:29You know what you want to do?

0:11:29 > 0:11:31You want to get yourself up to Table Mountain.

0:11:31 > 0:11:33It's like a mountain with its head chopped off.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35# Para bailar la bamba

0:11:35 > 0:11:37# Whoa!

0:11:37 > 0:11:41# Para bailar la bamba se necessita una poca de gracia... #

0:11:41 > 0:11:44Whoa!

0:11:44 > 0:11:48Yes, I speak many languages, including the language of love.

0:11:49 > 0:11:52I am so lonely!

0:11:52 > 0:11:54Sir, is this your first time in Cape Town, sir?

0:11:54 > 0:11:57Have you asked him if this is his first time in Cape Town?

0:11:57 > 0:11:58He says it is!

0:11:58 > 0:12:02All right! Tell him to go to Table Mountain - it'll blow his mind!

0:12:02 > 0:12:03You always say this!

0:12:03 > 0:12:05I love Table Mountain!

0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Ah, this is nice.- Mm-hm.

0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Ahem.- It's that waiter, isn't it?

0:12:12 > 0:12:14I think he's waiting for a tip.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17- Tip.- I'm not going to tip, this is an all-inclusive resort.

0:12:17 > 0:12:19So just forget...

0:12:19 > 0:12:21Tip, tip, tip,

0:12:21 > 0:12:23tip, tip,

0:12:23 > 0:12:26- tip, tip, tip, tip! - It's quite distracting.

0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Fart!- He just farted, Doug.

0:12:30 > 0:12:33Sorry, do you mind not farting so much?

0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Nah.- Very smelly, I can smell him.

0:12:36 > 0:12:37Excuse me, do you even work here?

0:12:37 > 0:12:39No, just like tips.

0:12:39 > 0:12:41# I wasn't looking for this

0:12:41 > 0:12:43# But now you're in my way

0:12:43 > 0:12:45# Your stare was holding

0:12:45 > 0:12:47# Ripped jeans, skin was showing

0:12:47 > 0:12:49# Hot night, wind was blowing

0:12:49 > 0:12:51# Where you think you're going, baby?

0:12:51 > 0:12:53# Hey, I just met you

0:12:53 > 0:12:55# And this is crazy

0:12:55 > 0:12:57# But here's my number

0:12:57 > 0:12:59# So call me maybe

0:12:59 > 0:13:04It's hard to look right at you, baby

0:13:04 > 0:13:06# But here's my number

0:13:06 > 0:13:07# So call me maybe

0:13:07 > 0:13:09# Hey, I just met you

0:13:09 > 0:13:12# And this is crazy

0:13:12 > 0:13:13# But here's my number

0:13:13 > 0:13:15# So call me maybe

0:13:15 > 0:13:18# And all the other boys

0:13:18 > 0:13:20# Try to chase me

0:13:20 > 0:13:22# But here's my number

0:13:22 > 0:13:24# So call me maybe... #

0:13:24 > 0:13:26Scrumdiddlyumptious.

0:13:32 > 0:13:36You know I heard something, but maybe it's just a rumour...

0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Si.- That they are making a third film of Mr Bean.

0:13:40 > 0:13:42Get out of town!

0:13:42 > 0:13:45No, it's not get out of town, it's true!

0:13:45 > 0:13:47And in the film, he gets into a hot-air balloon.

0:13:47 > 0:13:49What happens in the hot-air balloon?

0:13:49 > 0:13:51He goes up, up and up and up into the sky

0:13:51 > 0:13:53- and then into space!- Into space?!

0:13:53 > 0:13:57I mean, who would do that in real life?

0:13:57 > 0:14:00BOTH: Mr Bean!

0:14:00 > 0:14:03# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo doodle-doodle

0:14:03 > 0:14:06# Doodlebug

0:14:06 > 0:14:07# Bmm-bmm-bmm-bmm

0:14:07 > 0:14:10# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:14:10 > 0:14:13# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo Doodlebug

0:14:13 > 0:14:17# Doodlebug, Doodlebug Doo-doo-doo doodle-doodle

0:14:17 > 0:14:19# Doodlebug, Doodlebug! #