0:00:02 > 0:00:04Ha-ha! Wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet,
0:00:04 > 0:00:09wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet,
0:00:09 > 0:00:11wet! Ha, they'll never know!
0:00:11 > 0:00:12Goodbye!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF LOLLIPOP # Doodlebug, Doodlebug
0:00:14 > 0:00:15# Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:00:15 > 0:00:19# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do doodle Doodlebug
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Ba-bum-bum-bum
0:00:25 > 0:00:28# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# Doodlebug, Doodlebug... #
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I don't know, I just...
0:00:32 > 0:00:34It's just a bit plain, isn't it?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36I just fancy something more zhoosh-y,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38a bit more, you know, chic, sort of...
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Oh, hang on. Oh, oh, that is so different.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Oh, that is cray-cray! Ha-ha!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I'll have it. I'll take it.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Now, listen to this.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51My mother-in-laaaaaaw...
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Thank you all for coming.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57The big news is that we've finally set up a firewall that works.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01We are no longer able to be hacked by Russians.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Ah, I was told this worked.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04THEY ALL GROAN
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- Oh, no!- Well, you've got to take your hat off to the Russians.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Oh, yes, actually.- Very good. - How good.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- RUSSIAN ACCENT:- Mission complete.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18I hope I'm doing it right.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Am I doing it right?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26I hope I'm doing it right.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Am I doing it right?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32I hope I'm doing it right.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Am I doing it right?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Achoo!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Ohh, that was a good one.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Yeah, that's it. Bag up my bogeys and sell them.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Oh, here comes another.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Achoo!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I don't know why, but my bogeys are a delicacy in Malaysia.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Pick up the box, take the box across.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Drop the box.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02You're doing great.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03TO A BEATBOX BEAT: # And across and down
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# Pick up the box Up with the box
0:02:05 > 0:02:08# Across with the box and back with the box and down with the box.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11# Picking up there Up to the left and down
0:02:11 > 0:02:14# Pick up the box, take the box across, and back with the box... #
0:02:14 > 0:02:15You know Richard?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Mm, yeah, Richard.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18He just... I mean...
0:02:18 > 0:02:19He just really winds me up.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- Mm.- I'm here at nine every day, I don't leave till seven.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26He just sort of swans in, clearly been out all night...
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Oh, that's Richard for you.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29It's just...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32It's just a true sort of lack of respect for his colleagues.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I think, yeah, he can be charming, but, you know, that's not the point.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Yes, right.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Wayhey! Dickie's back! What have I missed?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Oh, Richard, what are you like?
0:02:43 > 0:02:44# Oppan Gangnam style
0:02:47 > 0:02:48# Gangnam style
0:02:48 > 0:02:50# Op, op, op, op
0:02:50 > 0:02:51# Oppan Gangnam style. #
0:02:51 > 0:02:54IRISH ACCENT: Hello, ho-ho-ho! My name's Michael Flatdish
0:02:54 > 0:02:56and these are my little Dancing Dishes of Donegal.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Ho-ho! Off you go, girls.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59IRISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:59 > 0:03:01And a one, two, and a one, two.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02That's it, lovely stuff!
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Mary!
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Mary, will you keep up?!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I just can't seem to get the rhythm. Trying as fast as I can.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Mary, you've got two left feet, you're out of sync there, girl.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I just can't seem to get the rhythm.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Dah. Well, you weren't tired last night dancing around Flanagan's making a fool of yourself.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16My legs are all over the place.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Ah, you're just like your mother. You little tease, you!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Don't you talk about my mammy like that, Flatdish.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23She had two left feet.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25He-he.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Send her my love.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:03:29 > 0:03:33# Doodlebug, Doodlebug, doot-do-do Doodle doodle Doodlebug. #
0:03:33 > 0:03:36EASTENDERS THEME PLAYS
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Enter Danny!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42LAMPSHADE: Go. What's your first line? What's your first line?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I'm at a loss, L.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Excellent, now close the door.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46I don't know what you want.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Describe Whitney for me, describe Whitney for me!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49- Whitney...- Yes, Whitney, yes.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- She's, like, half our age. - Thanks for reminding me.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- She's the one being mature about this.- Good, good.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Who is she with?- She's with Woody.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Woody, good, what else?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- She was totally upfront with the geezer.- Yeah.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Excellent.- Just like we always said we would be.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- OK, give me something quick with the hands.- Is this how it's going to be? - Like it...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Just random rows... - Now just the left hand. - ..a couple of days' peace...
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Nice.- ..then, like, a tear up, yeah?
0:04:08 > 0:04:09- You... - Come to the bed, come to the bed.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10You lied to me.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Come to the bed. Tell her why.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I couldn't tell you any sooner...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Tell her why, tell her why! - ..because you wasn't here...
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Love it! Turn to him.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I asked you if you told me everything.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22OK, hands to the head.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Now to the face, to the face.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- You kissed her twice, Mick. - Now hold it.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Hold the face, hold the face.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- I know.- She knows! Keep holding the face.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- You kissed in the hospital after the bus crash. - Don't remove the hand from the face.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Tell me that you didn't! - Remove the hand from the face.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35And cut!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36# Doodlebug. #
0:04:39 > 0:04:42WHISTLING
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Ahem.
0:04:43 > 0:04:4530 years I've been doing this job.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Yep, 30 years.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Do I get bored of it? No, I do not.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Never dropped a tart.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54N-not in my life.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I nearly had a near-miss once,
0:04:56 > 0:04:57the day Diana died.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Uh, but then, you know, that's to be expected,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01wasn't it? A very emotional day.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Mickey, on the other hand, massive James Bond fan,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07he dropped four cakes the day Roger Moore died.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09We all had a good crack at him about that, he-he-he.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Mickey! Do you remember you dro... Remember the day Roger Moore died?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15How many cakes did you drop?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Four.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Four. Four cakes.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Well, I'm a massive James Bond fan, that's why.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Ha-ha-ha!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Never had a day off. Never had a day off.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Wouldn't want to. I don't know what I'd do with myself, I'd get bored.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28He-he-he.
0:05:28 > 0:05:34# You wanna be where you can see Our troubles are all the same
0:05:34 > 0:05:38# You wanna be where everybody knows your name. #
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Right, here's one for you. You'll like this.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a...
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Scotsmaaaaaan...
0:05:51 > 0:05:52All right, hello, how are you doing?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I'm a creepy roundabout.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Yeah.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58And I'm not always been here on my own in the woods, no, no, no.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59I used to be in a playground,
0:05:59 > 0:06:02but they moved me on account of being too creepy, he-he.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Well, no, it's partly due to my age and my colour,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08sort of ghoulish grey, I suppose you could describe it as.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Yeah, also cos sometimes I do this.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Blergh-oooo-oooo-woooooerrrrgh!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Argh-argh-arrgh!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Which, you know, I can understand, because,
0:06:18 > 0:06:19well, it is creepy, isn't it?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Hur-hur-hur.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Boo!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Hi, sorry, it's my first day, think I'm supposed to plop you up in...
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Oh, blimey, that is actually quite heavy.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Um, sorry, I think I can only do about four of you.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Oh, butterfingers!
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Right, I'll just...
0:06:33 > 0:06:34- Ow!- Sorry about that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36That really hurt!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Right, I'll just plop you win here. - Ooh, he's a bit rough, isn't he?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Clueless.
0:06:40 > 0:06:48HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Yes!
0:06:51 > 0:06:52HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Here we are, sir, four more logs for you, sire!
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Yes! More logs! Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Yes, sir, coming right up, four more logs,
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Absolutely, sir.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Yes, another quartet of logs, please!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Yes, your Highness, more logs. Thank you.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Never stop bringing me logs!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Where are my logs?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I asked for more logs!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Four more logs here for you, sir. Absolutely.- Nom, nom, nom.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Bring me logs till nightfall,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22and then, on the morrow,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I think we shall feast on more logs, ah-ha-ha-ha!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:07:28 > 0:07:31# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:07:31 > 0:07:36# Doodlebug, Doodlebug, doot-do-do # Doodle doodle Doodlebug #
0:07:38 > 0:07:40HARPS PLAYING
0:07:44 > 0:07:46FARTING NOISES
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Oh, dear, oh, dear. - Oh, that is savage.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Oh, someone's had sprouts for lunch.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Open a window!
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Ugh, that's disgusting.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Flipping heck, love, heard you the first time.- Ooh.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Oh, that...
0:07:57 > 0:07:58FARTING NOISE
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Oh, the cheek of it!
0:08:01 > 0:08:02FARTING NOISE
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Oh, you dirty devil!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06FARTING NOISE
0:08:06 > 0:08:08OK, be honest. With hair?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Without hair? What do you think?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12With hair or without hair?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Honestly, be honest. With hair or without hair?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Cos I'm trying to decide, I can't decide, with hair or without hair?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21OK, like, with it or without?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Honestly, I want your opinion.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24MUSIC: Sandstorm by Darude
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- BOTH SINGING ALONG: - # Doo-doo-doo-duh-duh-duh-doo-doo!
0:08:29 > 0:08:35# Duh-duh-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
0:08:35 > 0:08:41# Duh-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-duh-duh!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43# Duh-duh-duh-duh-doo-doo-duh-duh! #
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Ah!- Thank you for that!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47We'll have a rest, you carry on, Carol.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49No, yeah, loved it. I loved it.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Good one, Carol, yep!
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Oof! Ah!
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Ah, she's still going, bless her.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58THEY BOTH PANT AND GROAN
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Were you, like, "What's going on?"
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I was literally, like, "What's going on?"
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Yeah, that's what I was like.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Yeah, I was like, "What's going on, like?"
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I thought they were taking us to the basement. I was, like, "Hang on, we're going outside."
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I was actually, like, "Where are we going at all?"
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Yeah.- Like, I couldn't even think where we was going.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18And now I'm outside, I'm still, like, "What?"
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- Yeah, I'm, like, "What?" - Like, "Why am I here?"
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I'm not being funny...
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- No, I'm not being funny either. - It's freezing out here. - Yeah, it's not nice.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- It's disgusting. - How long do we have to stand here? I feel like such a mug.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I don't know, I feel like a mug.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Like, I just feel like we've been out here so long now
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- and I was just, like, "What?" - Do you feel like you've been mugged off?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- I do feel like I've been mugged off. - Yeah, That's how I feel. And, like, also, on paper,
0:09:38 > 0:09:39I feel like a mug.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Hnnnnnngh!
0:09:42 > 0:09:46E-excuse me, guys, er, has anyone got a pair of scissors I could borrow?
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Hello? Anyone?!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49What am I going to do?!
0:09:50 > 0:09:51I'm getting married!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I'm getting married but I-I'm stuck to a post!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Ha-ha! Oh! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59What am I going to do?
0:09:59 > 0:10:00Um, Miss, hello?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Er, could you just make a phone call?
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Tell the vicar I'm going to be late!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06A-ha-ha-ha!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Hi, there, I'm starting my work experience here this morning
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and I've been told to report to a Dirty Jim?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Yeah, welcome to Dirty Jim's Island.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Er, thank you, I think.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Wonderful.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Errrrgh?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26HE HUMS GREENSLEEVES
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Errrrrgh.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Ptoooey!
0:10:29 > 0:10:30He-he-he-he-he.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34HE BELCHES: Right, you'll like this one. There's two nuns in the
0:10:34 > 0:10:36baaaaaaaaaaa...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# Down, down, deeper and down
0:10:39 > 0:10:41# Down, down, deeper and down
0:10:41 > 0:10:44# Down, down, deeper and down
0:10:44 > 0:10:47# Down, down, deeper and down... #
0:10:47 > 0:10:49What's the words? I don't know the words!
0:10:49 > 0:10:50THEY SIGH
0:10:52 > 0:10:54You're just a stupid '70s school building,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I'm a demolition ball coming for all of you!
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Boom! Boom, boom, boom all day long.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Bricks, cement, don't bother me, I'll just...
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Boom! ..come at you harder and faster.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I'm going to make you wish you were never built! How do you like them apples?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Boom!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12I'm coming for you next, Mr Windowpane.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I'll be starting the bidding for lot number 42 at £10.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Have I got £10? The lady on the right, £10.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22£15. £15, £20. £20, £30,
0:11:22 > 0:11:2540, 45, 50, 55, 60,
0:11:25 > 0:11:30£60, 65, £75. £80, £90. £95,
0:11:30 > 0:11:35£100. 105, 110. 120, 125, 135,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37and 145, 145, 150.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39150, going, going, going. Gone!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42And sold! To the gentleman who looks like all the other gentlemen.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Thank you.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45CAR HORN BEEPS
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Hang on a second.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Who's that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Who is that?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Hang on. I don't even know who that is, though.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54No, seriously though, who is that?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Oh, my gosh. I think I'm being replaced!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Oh, my God!- I can't even look!
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- I can't even...- I don't even know who she is, like...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- Who is she?- Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07What is she? What's going on?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I don't know, darl... Wait, hang on a sec.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Who's that?- Oh, babe.- No, no, seriously, though, who is that?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Babe, this is the worst day of my life.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16I think I'm being replaced as well!
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- Oh, babe, I can't believe this. - Oh, my God, I can't believe this.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32# I got that sunshine in my pocket
0:12:32 > 0:12:34# Got that good soul in my feet
0:12:34 > 0:12:38# I feel that hot blood in my body When it drops
0:12:38 > 0:12:40# I can't take my eyes up off it
0:12:40 > 0:12:42# Moving so phenomenally
0:12:42 > 0:12:46# Room on lock the way we rock it, so don't stop
0:12:46 > 0:12:50# And under the lights, when everything goes
0:12:50 > 0:12:55# Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close
0:12:55 > 0:12:59# When we move, well, you already know
0:12:59 > 0:13:04# So just imagine, just imagine, just imagine
0:13:04 > 0:13:08# Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
0:13:08 > 0:13:10# Feeling good, good, creeping up on you
0:13:10 > 0:13:12# So just dance, dance, dance, come on
0:13:12 > 0:13:14# All those things I shouldn't do
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# But you dance, dance, dance
0:13:17 > 0:13:21# Ain't nobody leaving soon, so keep dancing
0:13:21 > 0:13:23# I can't stop the feeling
0:13:23 > 0:13:25# So just dance, dance, dance
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# I can't stop the feeling!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29# So just dance, dance, dance... #
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- Come on.- I can't stop the feeling.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32And now for the grand finale,
0:13:32 > 0:13:37the Dancing Dishes of Donegal will turn on the lasers!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40That's it, girls. Lovely stuff.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Oh, Mary.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Stupid laser, just like your mother. Dah.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46It's harder than it looks, you know,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48when you get started and everything like that.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50My name's Michael Flatdish, good night!
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Mary!
0:13:51 > 0:13:57# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do doodle Doodlebug
0:13:57 > 0:13:58# Ba-bum-bum-bum
0:13:58 > 0:14:01# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:14:01 > 0:14:04# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do Doodlebug
0:14:04 > 0:14:09# Doodlebug, Doodlebug # Doot-do-do doodle doodle Doodlebug
0:14:09 > 0:14:10# A-Doodlebug. #