0:00:00 > 0:00:03This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37GUNSHOT
0:00:52 > 0:00:54What are you doing?
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Bev, what are you doing?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Stop.- No.- Please.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02No! I'm going home. You stay. You're obviously flourishing here.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Is this because I went surfing today?
0:01:04 > 0:01:06OK, obviously it's not cos I went surfing.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Bev, come on, talk to me.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Bev. Bev!
0:01:10 > 0:01:15- Look, I realize LA hasn't exactly been your favourite... - This isn't...about...LA.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- RECORDED FEMALE- VOICE: 'Front door ajar.'
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Wait! Is it about the show? It's one more day of shooting. A week in Post.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Move.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24'Front door ajar.'
0:01:24 > 0:01:28One week. Then the work'll be done and we can leave together with our heads held high.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Heads held high?! Have you not seen our heads?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34It's all we can do to not kick them when we walk!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- All right, look, we've made some compromises... - This isn't about the fucking show.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- 'Front door ajar.' - Well, then what is it about?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- 'Front door ajar.' - Does this bitch ever shut up?!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47You know what this is about!
0:01:47 > 0:01:48What?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Morning?
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Oh, my god, look I'm telling you, I have no interest in her at all.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I saw you wanking to her the other night!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00What... I...
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- No... I-I-I... How did... - "What? How did? Who did?"
0:02:03 > 0:02:05HE STUTTERS
0:02:05 > 0:02:06'Front door ajar.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:10All right, there may have been a little wanking!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12But there is nothing between us!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- I just saw you with her!- What?!
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I saw you with her just now!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I saw you hugging her in front of our house!
0:02:18 > 0:02:24She wasn't here to... She... There was... She wanted... Ernesto!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26ERNESTO!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- What?!- Please turn that off!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I'm sorry, did you want me?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- I wanted you to turn off the leaf blower!- I did.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Yeah, now. But before...
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Hey, Bev. No, Bev, wait!
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Bev! Stop! You're on the wrong side!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48No, Sean, you're on the wrong side!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50That's not what I meant!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- RECORDED FEMALE VOICE: - 'Automated Dialling.'
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- Call Bob.- 'Command.'
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Call Bob!
0:03:05 > 0:03:06'Dialling...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- 'Mom.'- No, not Mom - Bob!
0:03:09 > 0:03:10NUMBER DIALS
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Cancel.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13PHONE RINGS Cancel! Stop!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14'Hello?'
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Hey, Ma, it's Matt.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Nothing, just calling to say hi.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25TYRES SCREECH
0:03:34 > 0:03:37And the BAFTA award goes to...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Sean and Beverly Lincoln, for Lyman's Boys.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43APPLAUSE
0:03:50 > 0:03:51There you are!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Oh, you bloody bastards - you've done it again.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56And again.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Stop doing it!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- We're so sorry. - We promise, never again.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Yeah, you fuckers, that's what you said last year.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07No, no, honestly, I'm really pleased for you.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- That's sweet.- Thank you.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Oh, he's so not pleased.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14No, he's not.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Well, I'm happy for us. - I'm just happy.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- How soon can we leave?- Don't know.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Have we made enough people feel bad about themselves?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Oh, my god!- What? Who's that?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- It's Merc Lapidus.- Who?- Merc Lapidus.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Repeating it doesn't help me! - From America. He's president of...
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Winners!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Forgive me, don't wanna interrupt. Merc Lapidus. I'm the president...
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- Please, we know who you are. - Hi, Sean and Beverly...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Ahh!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50And you! With the funny speech!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Oh, that's not necesse... Oh, all right.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55You know what my fantasy is?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I'm going to guess - either shoes or nuns.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04My fantasy is I wake up tomorrow and I've got your show on my network.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Well, that's very flattering.
0:05:05 > 0:05:10No, no, I'm not just blowing smoke here. I...love...your...show.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11I LOVE it. Seriously,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I want to have sex with your show.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I'm telling you, an American version would be huge.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20It could be like The Office meets...
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- Our show?- Yes!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25But... But, we'd have to do it right.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28No farming this one out to some shitty American writers.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I want what's in these amazing, British-y heads.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34What, us come to LA?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- That's interesting.- Is it?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Uh-oh, she's giving you the "wife" look.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Whoa, now she's giving me the "wife" look! Oh, hello!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Have you guys tried these?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49What are these little berries? They're genius. They're like...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Magic berries. - They're actually loganberries.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57- IN ENGLISH ACCENT: - Loganberries! Now I want to have sex with your show and these berries.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02When I was a little girl, my grandmother lived in Yorkshire and had loganberries in her garden.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Every summer we'd pick the berries and she'd make jam.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06Fuck.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11My grandmother lives in Morristown, New Jersey, and hates black people.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15So what do you say? Come play with us!
0:06:15 > 0:06:20I need Lyman's Boys. We've got four places on my schedule I could put it right now.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23This is very flattering, and we've all had a bit to drink...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26No, not me, not in seven years. I'm an alcoholic.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30But evidently not anonymous.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35Come on! We'll get you a house, a car - name it!
0:06:35 > 0:06:36How hard could it be?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39You've already written the scripts, they're PERFECT the way it is.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43You work 20 minutes a day, the rest of the time you can screw in the pool.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Ooh, you hear that? We'd get a pool!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48All right look, if you don't want to do it, it's fine.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Hey, maybe you don't like money.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54But I had to ask. When I had cancer...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56That's right...
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I realized two things.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00If you want something, go for it.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02God doesn't wait for you.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05And also...
0:07:05 > 0:07:07you do not want cancer.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21You're already there, aren't you?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- No!- Yes, you are. You're having brunch with Angelina Jolie.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27My God, you're already starting to tan.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- Aren't you?- No.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Thank you, goodnight.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Ooh!
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Jesus.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Come taste our berries. Your biggest fan, Merc Lapidus.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58How did he do this? We left him less than an hour ago.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I can't believe he even remembered that stupid loganberry story.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I can't believe he knows where we live.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11You really want to move to LA?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13You're always taking the piss out of it.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Only because it's never wanted me. I'm very petty that way.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21But why do it? Our lives are here, our friends are here.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Who would you miss?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28We need better friends.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32All I'm saying is, if we do this and we're a hit...
0:08:32 > 0:08:35A hit show in the States, a big stonking hit...
0:08:35 > 0:08:39It's like winning the lottery. We'd never have to work again.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- What would we do instead?- All right, we need friends and we need hobbies.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I don't know. LA? It's just so...
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- LA.- Oh, come on. It's an adventure!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I'd have to drive.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55There's that pioneer spirit!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03You really want this?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I think I do.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Hooray!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Wait, wait, wait. I get to do the bra too.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17SHE LAUGHS
0:09:17 > 0:09:19You're still 14, aren't you?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I WISH I got to do this at 14.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Wait, did you weld this?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Now, you have to admit...
0:09:36 > 0:09:39It is fairly glorious.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Feel that sunshine!
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Of course...- Don't say skin cancer!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Just glorious.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- # Oh, say can you see... # - No, no, don't, don't.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Oh, my! Fancy!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Welcome home, darling.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Hello. We're the new people moving in to...
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- 1675 Bel Vista Drive. - Sean and Beverly Lincoln.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- No.- No? Well, we should be there.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Are they expecting you? - No, there's no-one expecting us.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30It's a house we're renting. Well, it's been rented for us.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Oh, wait, there's the housekeeper, she might be there.- Yes.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34One moment.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- (This is fun.)- I have, er...
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Sean and Beverly Lincoln.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Sean and Beverly Lincoln here.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48She says they're not home right now.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- SHE CHUCKLES - Of course they're not home,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53because they're us and we're stuck here with you!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Ma'am, there's no need to raise your voice.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Oh, really? Get in the car, I'll be you, and we'll see if that's true.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Look, erm... Wallace...
0:11:00 > 0:11:04I'm sure, once we've moved in, the three of us will have a really good laugh about this.
0:11:04 > 0:11:09But right now we've been travelling for 14 hours and we'd really love to get into the house.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Isn't there any way you could let us do that?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Not if you're not on the list. How do I know who you are?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Oh, has it not come up? We're Sean and Beverly Lincoln!
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Really not helping. - Really don't care!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25I'm sure we're on the list. May I see it?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- No-one sees the list. - No-one sees the list!?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32We have very high calibre celebrities living here. We have to protect their privacy.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37Oh, for god's sake. Wallace. I appreciate the seriousness with which you do your job. I do.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39But, I just want to find our names.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Now, I promise you, I won't reveal any information
0:11:42 > 0:11:44about your precious gated community
0:11:44 > 0:11:46or the secret identities of the gated citizens.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Now, give me the list.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Oooh, Renee Zellweger lives here. - Does she?!- Yeah!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18This is just for the two of us?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Apparently so.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Our show's not this good.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29'Front door ajar.'
0:12:33 > 0:12:36'Front door ajar.'
0:12:36 > 0:12:38She's fun.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41'Front door ajar.'
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Bloody hell.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46It's even bigger inside.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49And you were afraid we weren't going to have enough staircases.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51This is mad.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Waaay, oh, ha-ha-ha. Look at this.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58It's very Hollywood.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03Yeah, and construction-wise a little disturbing.
0:13:05 > 0:13:13Oh...my...god. I am never leaving this room.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah, I like a bath you can dock a barge in.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Big enough for two.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- What, now? - Well, I'm feeling a bit dirty.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- You?- Filthy.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29So...you want to dock that barge?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oh, always a lady.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Let's do this.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Well, maybe some other time.- Yeah.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Oh, and don't forget to get your parking validated before you leave.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Merc really wanted to be here, but he had to be in New York.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Sean and Beverly, this is Andy Button, our head of Casting.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51Huge fan. Oh, my god. I've just been watching tapes of your show.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Beyond hysterical. Beyond.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55And Myra Licht, head of comedy.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58It's really funny.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01There you go. Sit, sit, sit.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04So, are you settling in?
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Some house, huh?- It's insane. The only thing it's missing is a moat.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- Oh, well, get a big rating, Merc'll dig you a moat.- She's not kidding!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15So do all your writers get houses like that?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Oh, no! No, no, no.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20We just finished shooting a reality show there
0:15:20 > 0:15:24and we had six weeks left on the lease, and we needed a place for you guys, so...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26If you get bored, you can vote each other off!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Ah well, that would explain the columns.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Several of them are made of polystyrene.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34They're probably left over from some set.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37They use that house for a lot of reality shows. They shot a season of The Bachelor there.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39And I think The Apprentice LA.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43We just had 12 girls living there competing to become a supermodel.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Right. The bathroom did have a vague vomit-y smell.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47That would be why!
0:15:47 > 0:15:51So. Lyman's Boys.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Let's talk about casting.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Well, we already have Julian committed to recreate the role of Lyman.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- So that's half the battle right there.- We love Julian.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Comic god.- He's hilarious.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10We just need to find a time when he can fly over and audition for Merc.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Audition?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15No-one gets cast in anything without Merc seeing them first.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19But that's mad. Merc loves the show. Julian is the show.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Why should he have to audition?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Yeah. Um...
0:16:28 > 0:16:33There is a chance Merc may not have actually seen your show.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- What?- What?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I'm not saying he hasn't seen it.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Has he seen it?- No.
0:16:39 > 0:16:45Hang on. He told us he loved it. He said he wanted to have sex with it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46THEY LAUGH
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Well, if I had a nickel
0:16:47 > 0:16:51for everything Merc would have sex with, sight-unseen...
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- She'd have a lot of nickels. - I'd be rich!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Then what about it did he love?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Uh, hello. It's a hit?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01It wins awards? It ran for four years?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04(Unbelievable.)
0:17:04 > 0:17:05WE have all seen it.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And we do LOVE it.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- Major love.- Mm-hmm.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Merc's never seen the show?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I can't...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I mean, that's...
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Help me. - You're articulating it perfectly.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Which is why he really needs to see Julian read.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30But we've already offered him the part.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33He gave up a play in the West End to do this.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I hear you. I do.
0:17:35 > 0:17:41And I am sure Merc'll just flip over him. I mean, my god, it's Julian...
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- Bullard.- Bullard.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Can't Merc just watch some tapes of the show?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49It's better if we do it in person.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52He's not a big TV watcher.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56And if we say no?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You don't want to say no to Merc.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Mmm.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07You really want him on your team.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I thought he WAS on our team.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Totally!
0:18:11 > 0:18:15But if he likes Julian - and yeah, he will -
0:18:15 > 0:18:18you're pretty much guaranteed you're on the air.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- He already guaranteed we were on the air.- Absolutely!
0:18:21 > 0:18:22SHE CHUCKLES
0:18:22 > 0:18:24But, you know, nothing's in stone.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- Actually, Merc said this was in stone.- And it is! But, you know.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Clearly, we don't know.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32It's in stone.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35But...stone.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37There's things stronger than stone.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Like what?
0:18:39 > 0:18:44- Like Merc.- Yeah, Merc. - Merc is stronger than stone.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- It's outrageous!- No, I know!
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- He has to audition?! The man has played the part for four years! - It's insane! What are you eating?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Nuts from the plane. They're awful. Do you want some?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Sure.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Hello, Wallace.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08And you're here to see...?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Mm...hm.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Oh, I remember this scene. It's rather good.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Julian, thank you again for doing this.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24We're horrified you even need to go through it.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Oh, Peaches, don't give it a second thought.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I understand. I'm not new.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34The king won't let us play until he shows everybody how big his dick is.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Though you'd think they'd have wives and boyfriends for that, but no!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Merc's here. We can start.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45'Ello, guv'nah!
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Come here.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Oh... So it's every time.
0:19:50 > 0:19:55- So, shall I bring in Julian? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01Everyone, may I introduce Julian Bullard.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- Welcome, Julian, thanks for coming in.- Not at all.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09You know the last time I had to audition was '87.
0:20:09 > 0:20:15It was to do Private Lives with Dame Judi at the National. So this is a bit of a treat.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Well, we all appreciate it.- And, and with whom will I be reading?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Me. Career highlight!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25For those who haven't seen this episode, in this scene,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Julian has to tell one of the boys he's been asked to leave St Abban's.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- Oh, this is a good one.- Wow.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34(Whenever you're ready.)
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Robbie.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41I'm afraid your time at St Abban's has come to an end.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- What? Why?- Well,
0:20:43 > 0:20:50the teachers and I think you would do better at a school with a less academically demanding curriculum.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51MURMUR OF CHUCKLING
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Why?- We feel that you need a more...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58intellectually diminished environment.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59CHUCKLING
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I don't understand.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Urgh... Er... How to put this...
0:21:05 > 0:21:06You're not bright.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07LAUGHTER
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- I'm bright.- No.- I'm not stupid.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12You are not not stupid.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14LAUGHTER
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- Too many "nots"? - Maybe I'm just not working up to my full potential.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20No, this is you firing on all cylinders.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:23But all is not bleak.
0:21:23 > 0:21:29For, you young man, have something far more important than intelligence.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33You are...attractive.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34LAUGHTER
0:21:34 > 0:21:39There isn't a Nobel laureate that wouldn't happily give 20 IQ points
0:21:39 > 0:21:43for those chiselled cheekbones and that pert little bum.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45LAUGHTER
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Plus...your family is rich.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49LAUGHTER
0:21:49 > 0:21:53My god, you could be running this whole country one day!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56And I assure you, intelligence would only get in your way.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57LAUGHTER
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Julian, could you just give us a minute?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Certainly.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Oh, wow.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14That was a treat.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I gotta tell ya, he's the real deal, huh?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Yes, he is.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20So we're all set?
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Ahh... Mmm...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Yes?- Well...
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Is it me, or does, does anybody else...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33feel like he comes off a bit too English?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Yeah, yeah, a little, a bit, yeah.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Hmm. Too English.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Possibly it's because...
0:22:41 > 0:22:42he's English?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- CHUCKLING - Yeah!
0:22:44 > 0:22:50No, no, no, he just, he sounds a little too...um...
0:22:50 > 0:22:51butler-y.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54I mean, if we're doing an American version of the show...
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Yes, but he's playing the headmaster of an elite boarding school.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02The boys will be American, the other teachers. Why can't he be British?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Oh, no, I hear you.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08We need the audience to like him.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09MURMURS OF AGREEMENT
0:23:09 > 0:23:10He has got to be likeable.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I can't believe we're actually asking you this.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Truly, I'm having an out of body experience. I may be sick.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Julian. We'd understand completely if you said no.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26But could you possibly do the scene again in an American accent?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- No problem.- Really?- Yeah.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Oh, dear ones, I was doing Eugene O'Neill
0:23:32 > 0:23:36and Tennessee Williams before you were born.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- How old ARE you?- Piss off.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45You all remember Julian Bullard.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Hi. Welcome back, Mr Bullard.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Shall we do this?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Um...
0:23:53 > 0:23:59- AMERICAN ACCENT: - Robbie. I'm afraid your time at St Abban's has come to an end.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- What? Why?- Well,
0:24:02 > 0:24:09the teachers and I think you would do better at a school with a less academically demanding curriculum.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11- MILD CHUCKLING - Why?
0:24:11 > 0:24:16Well, we feel you need a more intellectually...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18diminished environment.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- I don't understand. - How to put this...
0:24:23 > 0:24:24You're not bright.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- I'm bright.- No.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I'm not stupid.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33You're not not stupid.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36I'm sorry, could I just go back a little bit on that?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
0:24:39 > 0:24:45So, err, err, erm... Well, how to put this...
0:24:45 > 0:24:47You're not bright.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49You...
0:24:49 > 0:24:52You're not bright, erm...
0:24:52 > 0:24:53You're not bright.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55You're stupid.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I'm sorry, could I just try one more thing?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Yes, absolutely, anything, no problem.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Southern maybe?
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Um...
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Oh... Um...
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Er, you're not bright.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- I'm bright.- No.- I'm not stupid.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16You're not not stupid.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22That too many "nots" there...pardner?
0:25:24 > 0:25:29I suppose that would be if I was the headmaster of a cowboy school.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35All right, I believe we have seen enough.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I know the way out.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I have been here before.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Thank me very much for coming in today.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47And let's hope to heaven there's a bar in the hotel.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Is it me, or was he just not funny?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02What just happened?
0:26:02 > 0:26:06I don't know. And in case you're wondering, I'll be wanting at least that much.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Bloody pillar.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16All right. All right.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Let's look on the positive side.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Positive side?- Well...- No!
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Just once, please, do not try and find a positive side,
0:26:24 > 0:26:26because even if you can, which I very much doubt,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30my negative is so much, much bigger than your positive,
0:26:30 > 0:26:32my negative openly mocks your positive.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36My negative slaps your positive around, my negative
0:26:36 > 0:26:40grabs your positive, bends it over the sofa and buggers it from behind!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44My positive did not enjoy that.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48PHONE RINGS
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Hello.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Hi, Carol. (It's Carol.)
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Put her on that speaker thing.
0:26:56 > 0:26:57'Hi, kids!'
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Tough day.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00'Yes. Yes, it was.'
0:27:00 > 0:27:02We all feel terrible.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Merc is sending you a basket of loganberries.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Aw, lovely.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08So how are you two doing?
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Well, we're not feeling positive, I can tell you that.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14'I'm sure.'
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Anyway. We should all try and look forward.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20We still LOVE Lyman's Boys.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21We do!
0:27:21 > 0:27:25We just find it hard to imagine doing it without Julian.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27'I understand. But,'
0:27:27 > 0:27:31before we go there, we wanted to share an idea with you.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36It's a different way to go, so keep your minds open.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39'We just found out that there's an actor available.'
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Huge star, hysterically funny,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45'the audience just loves him,
0:27:45 > 0:27:47'and he's ready to come back to TV.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50'Merc thinks that he would be perfect for this.'
0:27:50 > 0:27:51Really? Who?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Matt LeBlanc.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14What you want me for the old fat guy's part? Thanks(!)
0:28:14 > 0:28:17- We don't want you.- Again...thanks(!)
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- They loved you. - Well, I don't know that I love them.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Don't let them force you to cast anyone you don't want.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27- I'm totally wrong for it, aren't I? - Spectacularly wrong.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28We got Matt LeBlanc!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30What?!
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:58 > 0:29:00E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk