0:00:02 > 0:00:12This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48I... love...
0:00:48 > 0:00:51your... show. I love it. Seriously.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I want to have sex with your show. You know what my fantasy is?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57I wake up tomorrow and I've got your show on my network.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- What, us come to LA? - How hard could it be?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03You have already written the scripts, they're perfect the way it is.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I mean you work 20 minutes a day, the rest of the time, you can screw in the pool.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Ooh, you hear that? We'd get a pool!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14- Let's talk about casting.- Well, we already have Julian committed to recreate the role of Lyman.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16So that's half the battle right there.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Merc loves the show, Julian is the show.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23There's a chance Merc may not have actually seen your show.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- What!?- I'm not saying that he's not seen it.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- Has he seen it?- No.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30We just found out that there's an actor available. Huge star.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34And he's ready to come back to TV.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Really? Who?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Matt LeBlanc.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Matt LeBlanc?
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Ha, ha, ha, Right.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Matt LeBlanc.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09To play Lyman.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I said it's a different way to go.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17For the erudite, verbally dexterous
0:02:17 > 0:02:21headmaster of an elite boys' academy,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23you're suggesting...
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Joey?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Look, he's probably wrong for it.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Probably?! - He is very funny.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36- He really is.- I even liked him in that monkey movie.- What monkey movie?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Please, just take the meeting.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41As a courtesy. For Merc.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45He really wants to get Matt over here to the network, and so far,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47this is the only project he's interested in doing.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Matt LeBlanc wants to do our show?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Are you kidding? Dying to.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55He saw it when he was in England shooting a movie...
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- Huge fan.- Really?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- So what?- So... Can I tell Merc you'll take the meeting?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03It's one lunch. You know, as a courtesy?
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Yeah, fine, fine, we'll take the meeting.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Awesome.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Also, Merc wanted me to pass on a little invitation.
0:03:12 > 0:03:18He's having a dinner party at his house on Saturday night and he'd love you guys to come.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20As a courtesy?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22It's a very big deal.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23I've never been to his house.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I've driven past it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Please tell Merc we'd love to come.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29We can't wait.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Aw, kisses to you, too.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- You're kidding.- What?- What?!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51She almost tripped over your tongue. You really like that?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Yes.- They're so obviously fake.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Yes.- That doesn't bother you?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57She's not hurting anybody.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Er, I think it's under Lincoln.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08They're asking if we have the financing?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Screw that. Tell them we're looking at another location, and if we're
0:04:11 > 0:04:14not closed by the end of today, the whole thing is off the table.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Bye. ..Sorry.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Trying to buy a restaurant.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- I'm Beverly, this is Sean.- Hey.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26So.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I'm here why?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Uh, well, to talk about our show?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- What show?- Brilliant(!)
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Did you recently shoot a movie in England?
0:04:41 > 0:04:42No.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44So you're not a "huge fan"?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Of England? Eh.- No, no, of us.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Oh, you?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- No.- Er... well, this isn't at all awkward(!)
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Let me ask you something. Would you go to a restaurant where you roll your own sushi?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- Absolutely not. - See, that's what I'm afraid of.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03PHONE VIBRATES One sec.
0:05:03 > 0:05:09You won't believe this. Now they're trying to add an extra charge for the kitchen equipment.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Well, they can go... fuck...
0:05:13 > 0:05:15them... selves...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18This is so cool. I just type in "f...u" and it knows I mean "fuck".
0:05:18 > 0:05:24Ah, science, the gifts you've given us.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26So you guys have some sort of show?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Yes. It's a comedy. It's been on in the UK for four years.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31That explains the accents.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Go on...- Do you want to finish that before we...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40No, I'm with you. You're English, you have some sort of show...
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Uh, well yeah. It's about a headmaster of an elite prep school
0:05:46 > 0:05:51and his relationship with the students and the various teachers.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- So it's History Boys.- What?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- History Boys. - You've seen History Boys?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- The Alan Bennett play. Yeah.- Our show is nothing like History Boys.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Theirs was set in a grammar school, ours takes place at a boarding school.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07Theirs was about a history teacher, ours is about a headmaster, and several other teachers.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12OK, OK, so it's History Boys meets... you saying it's not History Boys.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13It's not History Boys!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15All right. I take it back.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18It's not History Boys.
0:06:18 > 0:06:24- What's it called?- Lyman's Boys.- Aaah. - We had the name first!
0:06:24 > 0:06:28And so, what, you want me for the old, fat guy's part? Thanks.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- We don't want you.- Again, thanks.
0:06:32 > 0:06:38Now, what she means is, er, er, the network suggested you. It never would have occurred to us.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Well, it's just such a different way to go. But we are
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- huge admirers of your... - PHONE RINGS
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Yo...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51No, that was supposed to say "fuck".
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Why would I say "go fun yourself"?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59No... No...
0:06:59 > 0:07:02No...
0:07:02 > 0:07:06No, no, no, no... No...
0:07:06 > 0:07:08No... No...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10N-O...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12No...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Noo-oo...
0:07:15 > 0:07:16No.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24PHONE RINGS
0:07:24 > 0:07:24Yo.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- They loved you!- Who?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29The British people.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- They loved me?- Carol Rance just called from the network.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34She said they loved you and they want you.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Huh.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38It's good. It's very good.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- I don't know.- What?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Don't know that I loved them.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Well, maybe you can learn to love them.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Merc Lapidus really wants this to happen.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51They've got a money truck ready to drive up to your house.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- How big a truck? - It's a big truck. Lotsa wheels.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57We talking, like, new restaurant money?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59We're talking chain of restaurants money.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Nice truck.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03But have you heard the part?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07This fat, old headmaster of some private school?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10So they'll change the part. They'll make it something else.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Whatever you want.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Come on, it's the Matt LeBlanc show.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Tell me more about the money truck.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21It's a truck and it's full of money.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Right up to the house?- You won't even have to go to the mailbox.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39- Wallace, you know us. We go through this every day. - How can you not remember?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42We waved to you when we left this morning.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Everybody waves.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- Name?- Lincoln.- Lincoln?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Lincoln. With an "L".
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Like the car? The tunnel in New York? Your dead president?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'll check.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59PHONE RINGS
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Hello?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- We got Matt LeBlanc!- Yay!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- What?- Can you believe it?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- No! You, you, you said it was a courtesy!- It was!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- But he said yes!- Yay! Woo hoo!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Not his courtesy! Our courtesy!
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Either way, we're over the moon here. And the best part?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Merc's excited about the show again!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24When did he stop being excited about the show?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Never!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Thank you.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Bloody hell. That's a Rothko.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47He has a Rothko in his house.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Do you realise what that's worth?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Some of these women are so thin.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53No, darling, tell me, what is a Rothko worth?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55No, seriously.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Look at that one. My arm weighs more than she does.
0:09:58 > 0:10:04- Don't look at my arms.- Ooh, top o' the evenin' to ya, blokes!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Hello.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Thank you so much for having us. - Your home is beautiful.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12The art... Amazing.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15That's all Jamie. I just pay for it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19Hey, have you guys met my wife yet?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Excuse us...
0:10:21 > 0:10:27This is Jamie. Honey, these are those English writers, Sean and Beverly...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- Lincoln.- Ha.. I know.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30So nice to meet you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Welcome to LA. So you ready to go back to England yet?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Hardly!- In a heartbeat!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Well, if there's anything you need, please, call me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41And not like an LA call me. I mean it.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Make sure this one gives you my number.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Oh, thank you. That's so sweet.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Arthur and Madeline just got here.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Oh, would you excuse me for a moment?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- She's lovely.- She's the best.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58And blind.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Uh, yes.- Two years now.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Really?- We're in Hawaii, she eats some kind of bad fish.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Boom, has a toxic reaction, goes into a coma for two weeks.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10When she comes out of it, blind.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Oh, my God.- That's horrifying.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Yeah. That wasn't a good vacation. Plus it rained practically every day.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Well, Kauai. That's why it's so lush.
0:11:20 > 0:11:26Yes, well, for someone who's only been sightless for a short time, she seems amazingly capable.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29She's worked so hard. She's my hero.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33I mean, she falls down... a lot.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35For some reason she's not doing it tonight.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40But you should see her shins. Bruises... Eesh.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Whenever I offer to help her, she's like, "No, I have to do it myself."
0:11:44 > 0:11:47And I'm like, "But it'll take so much longer that way."
0:11:47 > 0:11:48But she's got to do it.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Takes us forever to get out of the house.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Well, on the other hand, she shops less.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Look at that view.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Ooh.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Hi, kids.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Hey. Hi, Carol.- So? Having fun?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Absolutely.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Ooh, those look good.- We have a Kobe beef on toasted brioche
0:12:15 > 0:12:18topped with crispy potato and a horseradish creme fraiche.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Mmm, not saying no to that.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Ooh, you know what, I'm fine.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Oh, come on.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31At a certain point I say screw it, I'm never going to look like them.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35I mean, I don't want to look like them, life's too short.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Thank you. Mmmm. Mmm!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Mm.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Yum. Mm.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- So, have you guys said hi to Matt yet?- Oh, Christ. He's here?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Yeah, out in the garden. You should go say hello.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- Why?- Uh, maybe because he's the star of our show?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- What? - When you say it, it makes it real.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20Oh, c'mon, he's going to be great. Now get out there and make nice.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Come on. You got to do it. No-one's here to have fun.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- Oh, God!- Be nice.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- You speak first then.- OK.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Excuse me. Hey, it's you guys!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Hello, sir.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Hi!... Know what I've been doing the last two days?- Texting?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Watching tapes of your show.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44It's fantastic!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- Really?- Like you don't know.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Oh, my God. So funny. And smart.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Jesus. I love it!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- You're serious?- Uh, yuh!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56And it's totally not History Boys!
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Thank you! - I loved the writing, the characters!
0:14:00 > 0:14:06- Oh, well...- And we got to do it like you did it over there, casting real kids not TV kids. That's the key.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- That is the key. - Oh, and the librarian...
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Nicola.- Yeah.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Great part.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14You guys have anyone in mind yet?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16No. The network sent us a list.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18People they're "really excited about".
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Like who? - Well, we didn't know any of them.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22A couple of Heathers.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25A bunch of Jennifers. Somebody Dushku.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Yeah, well, don't let them force you to cast anyone you don't want.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- All right.- I mean it.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35If they start pushing you around, let me be the bad guy.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- Really?- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot harder for them to fuck with me than to fuck with you.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45Besides, Merc and I go way back. I've known him since he ran NBC Sports and used to get me Laker Girls.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Wow. Good to know.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Yeah, we got to get someone great for Nicola.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55She's got to be strong and smart and classy...
0:14:55 > 0:14:59- Right...- And also beautiful, but like, in a real way.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01She can't act, can she?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Wha... that's... I don't...
0:15:03 > 0:15:05SHE SNORTS
0:15:05 > 0:15:06SHE CHOKES
0:15:07 > 0:15:09That's her. Classy.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13I believe I have Chardonnay up my nose.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Dinner is being served. - Oh, thank God.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Well, who saw that coming?
0:15:20 > 0:15:23He's actually charming. How did that happen?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26It's like a magic trick. Does he seem taller than the other day?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Yes! And smarter.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- I'd no idea he was so smart. - He's still wrong for the part.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Oh, he's totally wrong. But he has such nice hair.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I brought an extra suitcase filled with nothing but toys.
0:15:40 > 0:15:46But when we got to the orphanage and opened it, the children just sat there, uncertain.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49One of the nuns told us that some of these children
0:15:49 > 0:15:53had never actually seen a toy, much less had one of their own.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55It just makes you appreciate so much.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59One of the things I brought was a doll that I'd given my niece for Christmas.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03You know, she'd played with it once and then gotten bored with it.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Well, I handed it to this little girl
0:16:06 > 0:16:08and she clutched it to her chest
0:16:08 > 0:16:14and told one of the nuns it was the best day of her life.
0:16:14 > 0:16:21And that was Togo, I mean, then we were on to Zambia, the children there... oh.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25You guys have kids?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- No. Do you?- Two boys.- Oh.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I didn't realise you were married.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Ha-ha. Not any more. - He said vehemently.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35It was not one of the good ones.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- No?- Noo-oo.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39We never should have done it.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42We were totally wrong for each other. Like...
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Oil and water?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47More like oil and something that sleeps with oil's best friend.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Oh, my God!
0:16:49 > 0:16:53I don't understand how women do that - with two children...
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Oh, no, no, no, it was me, I slept with her best friend.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I was not a good husband.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Apparently not.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04But I am a very good dad.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07That's Aiden, and the little one's Michael.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Aww, they're gorgeous.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10They seem very sweet.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12They can drive you crazy.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Don't ever ask them what a dinosaur sounds like.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Especially if you're in a car.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19But yeah, they're pretty amazing.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22They're the best thing I've ever done in my life.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Anyway...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38- It's a Marc Wilson.- No, I know.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41But an early one. Before he decided the only colour was brown.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Amazing collection, huh?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Oh, brilliant.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52You should see, in the master bedroom, there's a Nevelson that...
0:17:52 > 0:17:53It should be in a museum.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Really?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Are we allowed up there? - Probably not.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Um...
0:18:01 > 0:18:08would you mind not mentioning to anyone that I've been in the master bedroom?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09All right.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- Oh! - I just wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.- Absolutely.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20"She's sleeping with her boss". Wouldn't want to be that girl.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Noo-oo.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Especially since his wife is blind.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Right.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Because that would make me... - A monster.- Yes!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Rarr! I don't...
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- Even if it started before she went...- Still not good.- Right...
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Yeah.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00And here they're pretending they don't know I'm taking their picture.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03But look... they're both giving me the finger.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- I assume their father taught them that.- Before they could even talk.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I've never actually seen a "fuck you" finger that tiny.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Pretty cute, huh?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14That's one of the things I'm looking forward to with our thing. Working with kids.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Talk to me three weeks in. They're like sticky animals with agents.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I got to say, I'm so excited.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- It's an awesome part.- Thank you.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- I've never played anyone like him. - I'm sure.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Be honest, did the network force me down your throats?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Sean would tell you no.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Sean would be lying.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I'm totally wrong for it, aren't I?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Spectacularly wrong.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46I knew it. I'm so screwed.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51- If it helps, we're screwed with you. - Hey, no-one likes to be screwed alone.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56So what do we do?
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I'm not sure. It's just, you as the headmaster of a school...
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- I know!- I mean, you're obviously very intelligent.- Really?
0:20:04 > 0:20:09Sean and I were just saying how smart you are.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Wow. There's a conversation that doesn't happen a lot.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16But... for this role...
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Well, what if I wasn't the headmaster?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20What if I was someone else at the school?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- That would change the show considerably.- Come on.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27You got to help me here. I kind of need this to be a hit.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Or at least something they can't make fun of on a talk show.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38- Perhaps...- Good, "perhaps" is good. - Perhaps, er... you could be...
0:20:38 > 0:20:44- I don't know, a history professor, with a passion for military campaigns...- Or a coach!
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- A coach?- Like a wrestling coach? Throwing the kids around?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Well, er...
0:20:51 > 0:20:55That would be a very different kind of show. See there's a level of sophistication...
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Hmm, right, OK. What about lacrosse?
0:20:59 > 0:21:04That's got your whole sophisticated thing going there, huh? Bam!
0:21:04 > 0:21:09- Well, er, let me talk to Sean. See what he thinks.- Great.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12At the end of the day, it's whatever you guys want. It's your show.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Thank you.- You kidding? Thank YOU.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Hey, speaking of kids, I just saw this documentary...
0:21:18 > 0:21:22I just had an interesting conversation...
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Which I agreed not to share. So...
0:21:25 > 0:21:27what are you talking about here?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Oh, er, Matt was about to tell me about this documentary...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Oh, yeah. It's about these kids with Tourette's Syndrome.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36You got to see it. It's so funny.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42- Funny?- Oh, my God. - Children with Tourette's. - I know, I felt guilty laughing.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47But I'm telling you. They're interviewing this one little girl, so cute, and all of a sudden,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49she's like, "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!"
0:21:52 > 0:21:54And you found that funny?
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Well, hey, I said I felt guilty. But come on. Little kids cursing?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- No?- I need to believe you're joking.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- Uh... No.- What do you say we find another topic?- You haven't seen it.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I don't need to see it. Tourette's is a horrible affliction.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13It's not just swearing. These people suffer from compulsive facial and vocal tics. And there's no cure.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15So I guess you're the funny one.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Let me ask you a question... - Carol's having an affair with Merc!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Who's Carol? - What if one of your sons had it?
0:22:21 > 0:22:25What if your own child was compelled to say these terrible things? Would it be funny then?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31It depends on what he was saying.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Did you just laugh?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- No.- You did. You laughed.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36I didn't. I swear.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Excuse me?- What?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- What? That thing.- What thing?
0:22:42 > 0:22:46That whippy thing. Are you implying that my husband is whipped?
0:22:46 > 0:22:47I don't know. Is he?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Right, this isn't the "other topic" I was looking for.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Now, when you say "whipped", what type of whipped are we talking about exactly?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- You're an infant, you're an infant. - Just trying to clarify.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Look, are you trying to get me to say the word "pussy"? I can say "pussy".
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Pussy pussy pussy pussy!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02I want to be in THIS conversation!
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Thank you for coming. - It was lovely to see you again.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Bye Jamie, thank you.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Thank you so much for coming. - Well, you handled that well.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Do you believe him? Whipped! You're not whipped! Are you whipped?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17That may not be the tone you want when you're asking that question.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19You're not whipped, are you?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23No, darling. I'm merely brow-beaten and henpecked.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28I just want to get out of here. Hideous, hideous night.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Oh, is someone there?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's Sean and Beverly.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I'm afraid we have to go.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- But we had a wonderful time. - Don't worry, it gets easier.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Arrr, ye be goin' now, are we?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42And now we're pirates. Very good.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Matt's been telling me about the changes for his character.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- What? - Wait till you hear.- Changes?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Yeah, well he's not going to be a headmaster any more.- How's that?
0:23:51 > 0:23:56- I love that he's a coach.- A coach?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57- A lacrosse coach. - Love it.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- That's much more relatable. - Hey, hey, it was Beverly's idea.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Really?- I never said coach.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Well, she said she couldn't see me as a headmaster.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Did she?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11- You said it, too.- To you.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16- What is a headmaster anyway? Do people even know?- Probably not.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18We didn't commit to anything.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Well, commit to it. It's perfect.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I agree. She's so smart.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25I'm just not sure about lacrosse. Is it too... lacross-y?
0:24:25 > 0:24:26- I know what you mean. - How 'bout hockey?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- Ooh, hockey works. We can call it "Pucks".- I'd watch.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Uh, before we start measuring for uniforms, can we all take a breath?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I'm telling you, this is so much better than your old show.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38How would you know? You've never even seen our show!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I've seen your show. Of course, I've seen your show.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Who told you I haven't seen your show?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- I don't...- Did you tell them I haven't seen their show?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Er... I...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Uh, no, no, er, Carol didn't say it. I...
0:25:00 > 0:25:05I was just trying to make a joke. It was a joke. You haven't see our show!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10I don't get it.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12He's the funny one.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29What a great night(!) Maybe next time you can shoot someone.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32First of all, I didn't tell him he could play a coach.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- Did you tell him that he couldn't play a coach?- No.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Did you mention that it would change the show completely?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38That we'd have to throw out all our scripts?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40He said he would let it be our decision!
0:25:40 > 0:25:45And he very well might have if you wouldn't completely antagonised him over that bloody documentary.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47What was I supposed to do? Just go along with him?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50"Oh, a film about afflicted children? Hilarious!"
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Yes! You go along! That's what the rest of us do.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55We go... along.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Because we know that if you don't go along, you end up writing a show called Pucks!
0:26:02 > 0:26:07Just once, could you not make everything harder?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Evening.- And you're here to see?
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Oh, no. No, no, no. Not tonight, Wallace. Don't pull that shit with us.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Now open the mother-fucking, bloody bastard, pain in the arse,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33dick cheese, stinking, dirty, shitty,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36wanking, fucking, bloody, fucking, bastard,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40fucking, stupid cunt of a fucking gate!
0:26:42 > 0:26:43HE OPENS GATE
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Tourette's.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:15 > 0:27:18E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk