0:00:03 > 0:00:06Am I totally confused, or are these ratings not good?
0:00:06 > 0:00:09No, you're not confused at all.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- Do we pull it?- And replace it with what?
0:00:12 > 0:00:14I can feel the acid eating my stomach.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17- Should we talk about what happened? - (I had fun.)
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Me too.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- I see no reason to feel guilty. - Yeah, absolutely none.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- It's not like we're together. - We're not together. We... We are...
0:00:26 > 0:00:27..Not.
0:00:34 > 0:00:42This programme contains strong language
0:01:06 > 0:01:07GUNSHOT BLAST
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Hello?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20MERC: In here.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh. I'll come back.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24No, no, it's OK. Come in.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Oh! Look at these numbers.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- I've seen them. - No, no, look. Look.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34(SIGHS)
0:01:34 > 0:01:36They're terrible, I know.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Why don't we have a dance show?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41You said there were enough dance shows. I can come back.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Every fucking dance show is killing us!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Who wants to watch other people dance?!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47People will watch anything.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Obviously not.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I don't have one goddamn night that's working. Not one!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54All my new shows are tanking. Why?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I don't know.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58And Pucks! What the hell happened to Pucks?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Research is all over it. We'll fix it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I look at these ratings, it's like 9/11.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05It's not like 9/11.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07It's like watching the Towers fall.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08It's nothing like that.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10This is my Ground Zero.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13By the way, this is not better than your Holocaust analogy.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Look, we will recover from this.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Everything is cyclical.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20We will laugh about this some day.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Not if we make a show out of it. - Listen to me.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26We will come back stronger than ever.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28What if we don't?
0:02:28 > 0:02:32What if this is the time it just keeps getting worse?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I liked being on top.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Oh, I know you did.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45You'll be on top again.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Will I?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Oh, baby!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54It's going to be OK. I promise.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59WATER SPLASHES IN TOILET
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Jesus!- What?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Our numbers from last night.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, we go down again?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Not just down. It's like a fucking bungee jump.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Oh, shit!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Oh, man.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23You know what just keeps going up? That fucking talking dog show.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- You know, I could've been on... - Jesus Christ, let it go!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27I'm just saying.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Oh, I've got a message for you. - Yeah?
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Some woman friended me on Facebook.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34She said she needs to get back in touch.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- You're on Facebook? - Uh-uh.- What's her name?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38It's actually an odd one.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Oh shit, is it Labia?- Yes!
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Is that really how it's pronounced? It's not 'Lah-bia' or 'La-bee-a'?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Nope, Labia.- As in?- Labia.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Since when are you on Facebook?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- A couple of months. - She's my stalker.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Facebook. Wow!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55He's got a stalker named Labia and that's what you're focusing on?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58It's, like, Hungarian or Polish or some shit.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00I'm just surprised. We always made fun of people on Facebook.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03They wore me down. Pretty much everyone's on it.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Your mother's on Facebook.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05My mother's on Facebook?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- We're Facebook friends. - You and my mother?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10You're not real-life friends.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I like her better this way. You can't hear her.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Listen, you've got to un-friend her. Seriously.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18She's a fucking nut-bag! But you saw her picture, she's pretty hot, huh?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21And that's important in a stalker?
0:04:21 > 0:04:22It's important period.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- You need us?- Your 11:00 pitch meeting with the network is now.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Hey, Matt.- Hey.- OK, off we go.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30(ENGLISH ACCENT) Off we go!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40All right, the first story is a bit of a road trip for Lyman and Nicola.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Fun!
0:04:41 > 0:04:45It's Nicola's sister's wedding, but there's a huge blizzard and no planes are flying.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- Uh oh!- Nicola's car is buried under a mountain of snow,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51so Lyman offers to drive her in his truck.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Can I just jump in? Quick thought.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57What if, instead of Nicola's sister getting married,
0:04:57 > 0:05:00it's one of the boys' sisters?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- That's fun.- Mmm.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Well, that would be a very different story.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Yeah, it's just a way to get all the boys in there.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Why are all the boys going to this wedding?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11What if it's not a wedding?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Right. What if it's, like, a big game they don't want to miss?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16A big game in a blizzard?
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Why does it even have to snow?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Yes, why is there ever weather, really?
0:05:20 > 0:05:25So, now Lyman's taking the boys to a big game?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Look, obviously none of us are writers.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29BOTH: Obviously.
0:05:29 > 0:05:35But what if the boys take Lyman's truck without his permission?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Ooh, that's nice and stakesy.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40So the only part of our story that's left is there's a truck?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41What if there's not?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45All right, stop. Just...
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Stop.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Tell us what is going on?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55OK, er... It's the ratings.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56You said not to worry about them.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Yeah, you can start now.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59I see.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02But, hold on, there is good news.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Our research says there is a core teenage audience
0:06:05 > 0:06:10that's really connecting with the boys, especially Stoke.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Stoke.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Stoke can't even act, he's mostly hair.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- They like the hair. - It's hot hair.- Mmm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21So, now we can focus on what's actually working.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25We just need to concentrate more on the boys and less on...
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Matt and Morning.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29You realise that would change the show.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Everything we've got is geared towards Matt.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Matt is the show. We'd have to throw it all out.- No, no, no!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38We're not saying everything.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Just shift the focus a little. Scooch it over a bit.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Scooch it?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Give it a scooch!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It may be just a matter of tweaks.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Tweaks?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49And scooches.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57"Relax, we're not going to get caught."
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- "That's cos we're not going." - "Or you could grow a pair."
0:07:00 > 0:07:03"My having testicles doesn't stop this from being stupid."
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- THEY LAUGH - DIRECTOR: "Coach Lyman enters."
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- "Has anyone seen the keys to my truck?"- "What do they look like?"
0:07:09 > 0:07:12"One of them looks like a young Richard Chamberlain(!)"
0:07:12 > 0:07:13"They look like keys."
0:07:13 > 0:07:15"Sorry, Coach, haven't seen them."
0:07:15 > 0:07:17"I'm losing my mind."
0:07:17 > 0:07:18"Lyman exits."
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- "He's totally going to find out."- "No way."
0:07:22 > 0:07:25"He's going to be all weekend at that conference.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26"He's not back till Monday."
0:07:26 > 0:07:28"You sure?"
0:07:28 > 0:07:29"He's gone the whole time."
0:07:29 > 0:07:33"OK, if we're going to do this thing, we've got to leave now."
0:07:33 > 0:07:35"The pageant's over in, like, an hour."
0:07:35 > 0:07:37"When we get there, that hotel will be filled
0:07:37 > 0:07:42"with one winner and 49 depressed and insecure girls,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44"and they'll need help with their self-esteem.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46LAUGHTER
0:07:46 > 0:07:50"It doesn't bother you that we're emotional predators taking advantage of their pain?"
0:07:50 > 0:07:51"No.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54"Come on! 49 hot girls. We're talking pageant contestant hot.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER
0:08:00 > 0:08:02This is going to be fun.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05He just kept turning pages and looking.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Oh no, he was counting, I definitely saw him counting.- Ready?
0:08:08 > 0:08:09(SIGH) No.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- MATT: Hey!- You wanted to see us?
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Yeah, come on in.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23So, today was fun.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24- It was.- I thought it was...- Good.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- It was just... It had so much... - You were good.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28- Very pleased.- Mmm.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I got to see how the audience experiences it. That was different.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Right, well...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41This is a tricky episode,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44what with the boys going off on their little adventure.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Yeah. I noticed it didn't leave a lot of adventure for me.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Which was weird. Or, as you say, "tricky".
0:08:51 > 0:08:53THEY SPEAK AT THE SAME TIME
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- I could see that.- No, that's a point. - Definitely.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58So, what are we going to do?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Er, about?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02About me not speaking between pages three and 24.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Really? Is it that many?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- Uh huh!- Three and 24...- Wow.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07You don't notice it when you are there.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- You're so present.- You have presence.- OK, how about this?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12What if I go on their little adventure with them?
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Well, that wouldn't quite make sense.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19The whole point is they're stealing your truck.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Also, I'm not sure the boys would want to go with you.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Yeah, I could see that.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Except you're making them up!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30You can make them want to go with me. Huh?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Look, the episode is working.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I wish you were in it more, I really do,
0:09:34 > 0:09:38but I don't think that's a reason to start dismantling the whole thing.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I agree.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43OK.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Yeah?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47You're right, it works. Let's not screw it up.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Oh, thank you.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Just promise I'm going to be heavy in next week's show.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Erm...
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Erm...
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Oh, Jesus.- What?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- I get it.- What? What, what, what do you get?
0:10:02 > 0:10:04This is your little revenge.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06For what happened with the three of us.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07What?!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Well, that is pretty shitty!
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Seriously, could you maybe be less professional?!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- That is not what this is. - Bullshit!- It's not us.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- It's coming from the network.- Oh!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I really wish it was you guys.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30They're trying to appeal to a younger demographic.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33They want us to refocus the show on the boys
0:10:33 > 0:10:35and less on you and Morning.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Wow!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I'm sorry.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Hmm, me too.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50So, er... Where are you guys?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Do you want to do a show about a bunch of hockey kids?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55We didn't want to do a show about a hockey coach.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00They think Stoke is a break-out star.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Which one's Stoke?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04With the hair? Oh!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07It always comes down to the fucking hair!
0:11:07 > 0:11:08They have numbers and research...
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Research said Joey was going to be a hit.- Joey was a hit!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Joey was terrific, in many ways. - You were good.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It's just there was less...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18(SIGHS) OK.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23Not to be an asshole about it but this is not what I signed up for.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I don't need to get paid to watch other people act.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Totally understand.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30And now, to be an asshole about it, are you fucking kidding me?!
0:11:30 > 0:11:34I'm the only one on this whole fucking show anyone's ever heard of!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Morning...- Yeah, right(!) What's she done?- Morning?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- Oh, she did that... - Morning did...
0:11:39 > 0:11:45- Er...- This is bullshit! They want less of me?! On PUCKS?!
0:11:45 > 0:11:52On fucking Pucks?! I'm not good enough for this piece of shit show?!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- You're angry, it's OK.- Let it out, otherwise you'll get sick.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- Does Merc know about this?! - What do you think?- Jesus! Fuck!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- I'm going to fight this. - Fine, do it.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04You've got the relationship.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08This is not the way this is going to go down. This is not OK!
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Urgh!
0:12:11 > 0:12:12(PANTS)
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Shit!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Yup.- Unbelievable.- Mmm-hmm.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- How can they do this? You're Joey!- Right?
0:12:33 > 0:12:34And I'm Kelly!
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- Huh?- Kelly? I'm Kelly Girl?- OK.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I hate this fucking business.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46I brought hors d'oeuvres.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48And you think you don't have a problem.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Who said I don't have a problem?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52BEVERLEY LAUGHS
0:12:55 > 0:13:00Where do you even get it? Do you have like a dealer or...
0:13:00 > 0:13:03A dealer?! No!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05That sounds so druggy.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I have a prescription.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Why?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13So I don't need a dealer.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15There's this doctor
0:13:15 > 0:13:19and you just have to tell him you're having trouble sleeping.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Are you having trouble sleeping?- No.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Oh, I so need this today.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Matt was furious.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29You told him?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Course we told him. He's not stupid.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Well, hopefully he realises it's all for the good of the show.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Oh, my God!- What?
0:13:40 > 0:13:41You turned into work Carol.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46- You always say that. That's so not true.- You should hear yourself,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49your voice changes, you become brutally pleasant.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Then don't fucking talk about work!
0:13:51 > 0:13:52And we're back.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Ha ha(!) Did you remember to say no salami?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Oh, God, sorry.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59It's OK. I'll just pick it out.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Sean hates chickpeas. Doesn't even like to touch them.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I always had to pick them out of his salad.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08That's a weird thing to be nostalgic about.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I know.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15So, how are things? You guys seem fine when I'm with you.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19We are fine. At work it's almost normal.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23We're just like we used to be. Minus all the good bits.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Aw...
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I miss touching him. Feeling him hold me.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- It's like with me and Merc. - Not yet.- OK.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39I miss talking with him, I mean really talking.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Some days I feel like I don't know him at all. He's on Facebook!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Right.- You knew this?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Yeah. We're Facebook friends.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Apparently I don't know YOU so well, either.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Ooh! You want to see his Facebook page?
0:15:02 > 0:15:05This is my page.
0:15:07 > 0:15:14- 1,642 friends. You ARE popular! - I know!
0:15:14 > 0:15:15OK.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Here's Sean's page.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- He's got 137 friends. - Not so popular.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Huh.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29What?
0:15:29 > 0:15:30An old girlfriend of his.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Ooh, pretty.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35In a fat, stupid way.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I didn't even know they were in touch.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42What's 'information'?
0:15:42 > 0:15:48Basic stuff. Your birthday, where you're from, relationship status...
0:15:49 > 0:15:55- Seriously, let's just turn this off. - It's all right. I want to see.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I'm sure it still says married. Why even...
0:16:01 > 0:16:02'It's complicated.'
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Well...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I suppose it is.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Morning.- Hey. Can I see you for a sec?
0:16:21 > 0:16:22What's this?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I felt bad that I never gave you a birthday present.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Oh, I definitely feel like you gave me something.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34- Well, I also got you this. - Oh. You really didn't need to.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Ah, perfect. We writers do love our pens.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Look, I had it engraved.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44'YCOMT'.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46'You Came On My Tits.'
0:16:51 > 0:16:52- That is true.- I thought it'd be tacky
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- to have it all written out. - You made the right call.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Plus they charge by the letter, so...
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Ah, frugal and filthy. Well, thank you.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- You could use it while writing next week's script.- Definitely.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05And hopefully you'll think of me.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06How could I not?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Exactly.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I always forget about this place.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Didn't we come here years ago with Jeff Saklow from Fox?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Yeah. Yeah, he brought that hooker with the boob that kept falling out.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Ha-ha! Right.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28He ended up marrying her, you know.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Wait, that's Tracy?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I guess I never looked at her face.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Because it didn't have a nipple on it.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Hey, look who's here.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- The penne still great?- Always.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Oh, shit. Just give me a spinach salad. No egg, no bacon,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47dressing on the side and a knife so I can kill myself.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I'll have the penne.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- You prick. - HE LAUGHS
0:17:53 > 0:17:55So, talk to me.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56What's going on?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Well, I don't know if you know, but they're saying Pucks needs to be
0:18:00 > 0:18:02more about the kids and less about me.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- That's nuts! - They said it's coming from you.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Well, not just me.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Look, we're only trying to do what we can to help the show.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14And you think less of me will help the show?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I've got to listen to the fucking research.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18You don't have an opinion of your own?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Eh...
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Look, you know why I did this show?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- Because I gave you a shit load of money?- No.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29I didn't need to do this thing. I came back because you asked me to.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- With a shit load of money. - Forget the money.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35You said you had a show for me. You asked me as a personal favour.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39You said the network needed me.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43(SIGHS) You're right. You're absolutely right.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- I know.- I hired you to be the star of a show.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- It's not fair of us to switch it up now.- Thank you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53The trouble is, the show we hired you for?
0:18:53 > 0:18:54It's not working.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58So here's the question.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02Do you want to be one of the actors on a show that's on the air,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04or the star of something that gets cancelled?
0:19:16 > 0:19:17MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Hey. I just wanted to give you a heads-up. I'm quitting the show.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25What?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28I'm calling Merc La Penis now.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I'm also going to tell him I'm screwing his wife.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33And after that, I'm going to tell him again!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34All right, listen to me.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- La Penis!- 'Are you listening?'
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Yeah, what?- Do not do anything till I get there. Where are you?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Right, the phone stays in your pocket. Do nothing.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52HE LAUGHS
0:19:52 > 0:19:53La Penis. That's...
0:19:55 > 0:19:57MOBILE PHONE CHIMES
0:20:00 > 0:20:03We've got a problem.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Just tell me you haven't called him yet.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Who?- Did you call Merc?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20No.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22No, put the phone away.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Put it away. Put it...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You do not want to do this!
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Oh, I want to do it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33People do not hire people who walk out on shows.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Do you ever want to work again? - I don't care.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Listen to me.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Sorry. I hate to be a douche, but could I get an autograph?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45It's just... Huge fan.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Sure thing.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Er...
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Sorry.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- What's your name?- Dennis.
0:21:01 > 0:21:07'Dennis, you are not a douche.'
0:21:07 > 0:21:09HE GIGGLES
0:21:09 > 0:21:11There you go. Bye-bye.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Thanks, man.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Fancy.- A gift from Morning.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23'Y-C-O-M-T'. 'You Came On My Tits'?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Yes! How did you know?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27What else could it be?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Sorry I'm late. I had trouble getting in.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- Why?- Because I'm not 22.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I was just trying to tell Matt
0:21:36 > 0:21:40why it would be a mistake for him to leave the show.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44And I was saying I don't give a shit. There, you're all caught up.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- I'd love a whiskey.- Sure.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Need I even ask? Right.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55(Come here.)
0:22:02 > 0:22:04You can't quit.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11I'm too old, I'm too rich, and I've been doing this too long.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I don't need this shit!
0:22:13 > 0:22:14You're right, you don't.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19- Thank you.- You realise if you leave, there is no show.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21What about the boys?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23They couldn't carry your bag, let alone a TV series.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25No argument from me.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Look, you don't owe me anything,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31but if this thing goes down, we go back to London.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33So?
0:22:33 > 0:22:37If we go back now, that's it, we're done.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41As long as we're here, I still have a chance.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Don't quit yet.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Please.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Bev?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Andrew!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- Oh, my God! How are you?- Great!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05This is Matt LeBlanc.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Andrew Lesley. Andrew used to be our PA.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Now he's a big time screenwriter.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've met.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Oh, fuck! Andrew!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Sean! Hey.- Oh.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19OK.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22How have you been?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, I'm positively drowning in meetings.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Oh, fatally?- It's insane.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30It's only my first movie,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33and suddenly it's like I'm the only one in town who can write one.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35That IS insane.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Paramount's over the moon.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42Are you sitting down? They're letting me direct the next one.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43You're directing?!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- The next one?!- I know! It's mad!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48BOTH: Yes!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50How are you all? How's the show going?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52No complaints.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- We're on the air. - I know, I saw it.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Well, it's very different from what we did before.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Very different.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06We're still pleased with it.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Aah, that's nice.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11I'm going to hit him.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- DIRECTOR: Picture up. On a bell! - BELL RINGS
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Action!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Hey, you know what we should do?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Before we bring Coach's truck back,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26we should paint it a slightly different colour
0:24:26 > 0:24:29and see if he notices.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30- Repaint the truck?- Yeah.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Why?- It'd be funny.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37That's not funny, that's just weird.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41"Is it beige? Is it ecru?" That's not a joke.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- What's ecru?- It's a colour.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- Ecru's a colour?- Yeah, it's like taupe.- Taupe?- Taupe.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47How do you know this?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Er, not to stereotype, but two gay dads?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Never taught me to throw a ball, but I do know ecru and taupe.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Hey! Less talking, more skating.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01And cut!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Good work today, everyone.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Erm... before everyone leaves,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Mr LeBlanc here has been generous enough to book the rink for us
0:25:11 > 0:25:15for the rest of the day. Free skates and hot chocolate, whatever you want.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17CREW: All right!
0:25:17 > 0:25:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Well, see you tomorrow.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26You're not staying to skate?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Oh, please, skate?!
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Are you forgetting Zurich?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I distinctly recall being peeled off the ice with a spatula.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Oh, come on, everyone's staying.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38I promise there'll be no kamikaze Swiss children taking you down.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43'50s DOO-WOP MUSIC PLAYS
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- You're such a baby! - I am not a baby!
0:25:59 > 0:26:04I just don't understand the appeal of trying to balance on a floor
0:26:04 > 0:26:09made of ice with two knives strapped to my shoes, waiting to fall down,
0:26:09 > 0:26:13which you know will happen. At which point I will be thrown into the path
0:26:13 > 0:26:16of a bunch of people, many of whom don't like me,
0:26:16 > 0:26:21also with knives on their shoes.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- You ready?- Fine.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31Big, big, baby. All right, now let go. Come on. I've got you.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Now the other one.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39There you go, that's it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41(LAUGHS)
0:26:41 > 0:26:43There you go, just try to relax.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44OK?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Good. Right, I'm just going to come round here.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51There you go. Look at you, skating.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- Mm-hmm. Now can I stop?- No.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Woah! (LAUGHS)
0:26:56 > 0:26:58There you go.
0:26:59 > 0:27:05- Got you, it's OK. Just relax. - I am.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06- That's it, relax.- OK.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15There you go. Very nice. See?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16How's that?
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Better.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36THEY LAUGH
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd