0:00:00 > 0:00:03This programme contains strong language
0:00:03 > 0:00:05We writers do love our pens.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07I had it engraved.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Y-C-O-M-T.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11"You came on my tits."
0:00:12 > 0:00:14That is true!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Merc and I went ring shopping!
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Oh, my God!
0:00:17 > 0:00:19For his wife.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I hope this is OK, I was just on the lot, dropping something off at Merc's.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Oh! Oh!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Some woman friended me on Facebook. She says she knows you and needs to get back in touch.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Oh, shit! Is it Labia?
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Is that really how it's pronounced? It's not "Lah-bia" or "La-bee-a"?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- No, Labia.- As in?- Labia.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38She's my stalker.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- You're not serious?- Yeah. - You believe in Bigfoot?!- Yup.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Bigfoot?
0:01:30 > 0:01:34I'm telling you, there's too much evidence for it just to be a hoax.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- Oh, dear God! Are we including yeti in this?- No, yeti are bullshit.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Of course.- There was this really interesting documentary about it on the Syfy channel.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Always a good source for factual information.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- The Syfy channel's good!- You do know what the "fy" stands for?
0:01:48 > 0:01:53Anyway, they had actual footage that could not be disputed. Seriously!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56They had experts who examined the film and they all said,
0:01:56 > 0:01:57without question...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Hello?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Don't turn around.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08I said don't turn around! Why is it when you say, "Don't turn around," the first thing people do...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11OK, OK, I'm not turning.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Is it Bigfoot?
0:02:14 > 0:02:18There's a girl over there, keeps looking at me.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- Hmm.- Oi!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Relax! Is she hot?
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Pretty hot. Yeah.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31She looks familiar, maybe she's an actress.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32I swear to God!
0:02:33 > 0:02:38All right, she's not looking. Quick, turn around. But be very nonchalant.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42MATT GROANS
0:02:42 > 0:02:44What the hell are you doing here?!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I said be nonchalant! That's totally chalant!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Hi.- 500 feet, Labia!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- 500 feet! - Yeah, I don't carry a tape measure.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Maybe you should!- Oh, right, she's your... From Facebook. You're his...
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Yes.- How did you even know I was here?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Have you been following me again?
0:02:59 > 0:03:00No! He posted it on his page.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I may have updated my status.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06You said you were going to unfriend her!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- I don't know how.- Oh, it's so easy.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11You just, you click on "Account" and then you click "Edit Friend"...
0:03:11 > 0:03:14No, no, no, no. You are not going to become his IT person. Now go!
0:03:14 > 0:03:19- But I'm still... - Take it with you. Eat it for dinner. I don't give a shit. Just go.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- Or I'm going to call the cops, and you know I'll do it. - OK, I'm going. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27What?
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Oh, it's just, you know,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31we haven't been this close since we were in court.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Go!
0:03:35 > 0:03:38I'll um... I'll just post how to unfriend me on your wall.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Thank you!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51It's our fifth anniversary and there is no acknowledgement. None.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Nothing.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57When you say "anniversary", what's it the anniversary of, exactly?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I mean, how do you figure it?
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I go from the night it actually started.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I was at the People's Choice Awards,
0:04:05 > 0:04:11Faith Hill had just won, like, Favourite Hair, or something equally important
0:04:11 > 0:04:15and I just had to get out of there. So I snuck outside.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Luckily, I happened to have a joint in my bag.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Put there by the marijuana elves? - How great would that be?
0:04:22 > 0:04:29- Anyway, I light up, and just then, who walks out?- Merc.- Yeah. Right.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34And I'm like, "Oh, shit, it's my boss!" But he's totally cool.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37And he goes, "Can I get a hit off that doobie?"
0:04:39 > 0:04:43And I'm like, "Um, yeah, you can have a hit off that doobie."
0:04:43 > 0:04:45It's like Bogart and Bacall.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- CAROL LAUGHS - Anyway, we get pretty baked.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Then, after the show, we're both waiting for our cars
0:04:53 > 0:04:55and his limo doesn't show up.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58So he turns to me and goes, "Can I come in yours?"
0:05:00 > 0:05:03And I just look him straight in the eye,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I still can't believe I said it,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09and I go, "Oh, you can come in mine."
0:05:11 > 0:05:19- Wow!- Not exactly "you complete me", but...- It was the best night ever.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24And it's been five years and where the hell are we?
0:05:24 > 0:05:30I mean, I know that he loves me, but so what? I always come second.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's always on his terms.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36And, yes, I know, I know, I know he's married and she's blind
0:05:36 > 0:05:39and blah blah blah - but so what, you know?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42When is it going to be my turn?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I just feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices here.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55It's fine, it's all good. It's just... It's a little steep.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I come from flat...
0:06:00 > 0:06:04It doesn't matter. Nothing's going to change.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Have you talked to him about any of this?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12He's not so much with the talking.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And I'm not so much with the confrontation, so...
0:06:17 > 0:06:23- Does he even know it's your anniversary?- Probably not. Oh, God!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I am so pathetic!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Disagree with me.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Look, I'm just saying, you're in this relationship too.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You're allowed to ask for what you want.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- You probably won't get it, but you're allowed to ask.- Maybe.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46You want to keep going?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47No.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Morning. How was everyone's weekend?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Oh, fairly uneventful.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Except... Oh, that's right, I met the infamous Labia!
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Oh! You did not!
0:07:08 > 0:07:14- Tell me.- Seems perfectly normal. Sweet, pretty, young...tech-savvy.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Oh, yeah, she's the girl next door. If you live on Crazy Street!
0:07:18 > 0:07:24- How long has she been stalking you? - Probably, hmm, 15 years.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29- 15 years?!- Yeah. I met her when she was like eight.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- She was one of those Make-A-Wish kids.- Oh, my God!- What?!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Friends was her favourite show
0:07:36 > 0:07:41and her one last wish was she wanted Joey to take her to Disneyland.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46So I took her to Disneyland. She was a great kid, very sweet, but then...
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- ..she didn't die.- No!- I know!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Look, don't get me wrong, it's a great organisation,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55but they really should check this stuff out.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I mean, come on, Make-A-Wish, do your homework.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00So, then?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05So then she just kept living and living.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07But she was still totally into me,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10cards and e-mails and calling all the time.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I was nice about it at first,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15but she started showing up places I was going to be.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- I had to get a restraining order. - 15 years.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21And you never encouraged her at all?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Never. Like I said, I was nice.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25How nice?
0:08:30 > 0:08:31I slept with her once. Once!
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Oh, God!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35In retrospect, probably a bad idea,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38but she was 18 and really cute -
0:08:38 > 0:08:40once her hair grew back.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- I believe you will burn in hell. - Ah, what are you going to do?
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- I need to talk to you about something.- Oh, OK.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Do you know what this weekend is?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Oh, fuck! It's your birthday.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07My birthday is in January.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08..anuary.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Never mind.- No, wait, wait, wait, wait, come here.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I'm sorry. Talk to me. What's this weekend?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Our fifth anniversary.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19People's Choice Awards.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Yeah. Five years.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Five years!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27And I try to be good. And I try to make it easy for you.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31But I just, I just, I reach a point where I feel invisible.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Seriously, sometimes it's hard to remember why I'm even in this thing!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Sh, sh. OK, listen to me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38What?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40What if I can get away this weekend?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42What about Jamie?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I don't know, let me see what I can do.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Seriously?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Hey, it's our anniversary.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52And definitely not your birthday.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Are you really going to try?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I really am.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58SHE LAUGHS
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Thank you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Just knowing that is enough.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Really?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06No! It's not enough!
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Make it happen.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20So, in about 85 yards,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22it doglegs to the right.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Any traps?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Both sides. You want to send it right down the middle.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Nice!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- MOBILE RINGS - Sorry, one sec.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Hello?- Hey, babe, bad news.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41'What?'
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I gotta go to New York this weekend.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45No, why?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46The big guns want to see me.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48'It can't be good.'
0:10:48 > 0:10:52We've got tickets for the Ahmanson. And Sunday's the lupus walk.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Ah, shit!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I can't say no to these guys.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01No, I know, I just wish they'd give you a little notice.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- When do you have to go? - 'Friday afternoon.'
0:11:03 > 0:11:06So you're going to miss the ballet too.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09No! Of all the weekends.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11It's not your fault.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15MOBILE RINGS
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Yo.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Merc has to go to New York this weekend!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27How do you feel about 48 hours of dirty stuff?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29You know I love the dirty stuff.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30'I do.'
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Oh, wait! I got the boys this weekend.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35No!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Let me call Diane and see if she can switch.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Oh, God, wouldn't it be great? Two whole days, no sneaking around,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44no checking our watches. We could go away!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Out-of-town dirty stuff!
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Yeah.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50There's a foursome coming. We should let them play through.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Where are you?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52'Playing golf.'
0:11:52 > 0:11:54No, seriously.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Seriously.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56'You play golf?'
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Yeah. - How do you know where the hole is?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Hey! I never ask you that question.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05And the dirty stuff begins.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- PHONE RINGS - Beverly Hills Travel.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08'Hold for Merc Lapidus.'
0:12:08 > 0:12:10'Bethany!'
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Hi, sweetie. I was thinking about you. I love that talking-dog show,
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- 'it's hysterical.'- It's not ours.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Oh.- Stop watching it.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Already did. What's up?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20'I need something on short-notice.'
0:12:20 > 0:12:22How short?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25This weekend. I want Cabo. I want big, I want view,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29I want right on the beach. Blow me away, I don't care what it costs.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32OK, let me see what I can do. Flying out on Friday?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- 'Right.'- It's my birthday on Friday, you know
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Ah, happy birthday.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Rona!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41'It's Bethany's birthday on Friday.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42'Send her a fucking something!'
0:12:45 > 0:12:48The Stage just called.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49What did the Stage say?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52They said that Morning called in sick and she's going to be out all week.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55How does she know in advance she's going to be sick all week?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59You don't suppose this is because her part's been cut down?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Like what, a "silent protest" kind of thing?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03It's not impossible.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Could you get her on the phone for us?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Who?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Who we were just talking about.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Which part?- What?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I wasn't really listening. Did you want me to listen?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18That might be helpful.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21OK...
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- She still doesn't know who to call, does she?- No.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39What do you say to a weekend in Cabo?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Are you kidding?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Oh, my... (God!)
0:13:45 > 0:13:47How did you do it?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49You said make it happen, I made it happen.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Oh! I've got to start saying more shit.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Happy anniversary.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58# We're going to Cabo
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- # Cabo! Cabo! Cabo! - Ch-ch-ch-ch-cha... #
0:14:07 > 0:14:09MOBILE RINGS
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- 'Hey there.'- What?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Do you think there's any way you could take the boys this weekend?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- No.- It's just that...
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- No.- 'Look, I...'
0:14:18 > 0:14:20No! You're always saying you want to spend more time with the boys.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Maybe start with the time you're supposed to be with the boys.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- HORN BLARES - Move, moron!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28SHE SNIGGERS
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Who is she?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31'There's no "she".'
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Bullshit! - Are they in the car with you?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37They're watching SpongeBob FuckFace. They can't hear.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38So what's so important?
0:14:40 > 0:14:41You know Morning Randolph?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43'No.'
0:14:43 > 0:14:44She's on my show.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- I don't watch your show. - 'Seriously?'
0:14:46 > 0:14:48It's opposite that talking dog.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50If they change your time slot, I'll watch your show.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Wow.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55'So, what about this Morning person?'
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Er, she's really sick.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00With what?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03'They don't know but we're all trying to rally around her this weekend.'
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And they can't rally without you?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I'm the star. I don't want to look like a dick.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Since when?
0:15:09 > 0:15:10HORN BLARES
0:15:10 > 0:15:13'It's still yellow, asshole! Go!'
0:15:14 > 0:15:18I'm going to a spa with my sister this weekend.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- It's too late to get our money back. - 'I'll pay for your spa.'
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Come on, please. Just help me out here.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26SHE SIGHS
0:15:29 > 0:15:32MOBILE RINGS
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Hello?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- I did it!- Good for you.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Who is this?
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Stop it. You know three people.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Oh, you should have seen me!
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Oh! You would have been so proud.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I was... I was strong, I was assertive,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I was all, "Make it happen."
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Seriously, to his face.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I actually said, "Make it happen."
0:15:54 > 0:15:57And you know what? He made it happen!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Really? It works?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Uh-huh. We're going to Cabo.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I'm not even sure where the hell Cabo is.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07But I don't fucking care, cos I "made it happen", see?
0:16:07 > 0:16:08SHE LAUGHS
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Don't do voices.- OK.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Oh, by the way... We may have a problem with Morning Randolph.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh, Jesus, what?
0:16:16 > 0:16:17She's supposedly out sick.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20But we think it might be about her part being cut down.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Uh oh.- Yeah, she's not answering her phone.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Sean's going over to her house to check it out.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Well, if it's a problem, just solve it. Do it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Make it happen!
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Not with me.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34OK.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45DOOR BUZZER
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Yes?- Hi, it's Sean.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Oh, er...
0:16:49 > 0:16:51SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:16:51 > 0:16:53What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55We tried. You're not answering your phone.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Bev and I were worried about you, we wanted to see how you were feeling.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59May I come in?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I may be contagious.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I'll take my chances. Please, open the door.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05OK.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Hey you.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Why are you acting weird?
0:17:20 > 0:17:21I'm not weird.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23All right, look me in the eye and tell me that.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Everything's fine.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28OK, it's not getting less weird.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36All right, promise you won't freak out.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39I promise.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Argh!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Ah.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Oh.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Beverly Hills Travel.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Bethany. Hi, it's Jamie Lapidus.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Oh, hi, sweetie. What's up?
0:17:52 > 0:17:57I totally understand if it's too late but this weekend,
0:17:57 > 0:17:59any chance of something fabulous in Napa?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Napa? So not Cabo?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Cabo? No, I'm sick of Cabo. I'm thinking Napa.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08OK, let me see what I can do.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11MOBILE RINGS
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Hello.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16How do you feel about Napa?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Love Napa.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Oh, good. I never get to go. Merc hates it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22How do you hate Napa?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25He says, "Wine is bullshit."
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Classy. So where are you now?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- In the car. - Please tell me you're not driving.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33SHE LAUGHS
0:18:34 > 0:18:36I'm sure it's just swollen.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38It'll come down.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41It already came down. It's a cheek implant.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42It's supposed to be up!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh. Well can't they fix it?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47There's too much trauma to the tissue.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50They can't go back in for at least two months.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Two fucking months like this!
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Why did you even do it?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55I thought it would help!
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Help what?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I don't know. After last week, everything with the show...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Because we're giving more to the boys?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05And less to the "old people".
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Now I'm totally fucked!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08No. No, you're not.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Bullshit!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11How can you shoot this?!
0:19:11 > 0:19:15We will make it work. Come on, it's Hollywood.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Really?- Really.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20We'll find a way.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I promise.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Thank you.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30You are so a sweetie!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35See! I'm totally gross.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38No, no, I was afraid to... Doesn't it hurt?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Are you kidding? I can't even feel my face.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'm on so many painkillers, you could hit me with a hammer.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Here, poke it.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- I don't want to poke it. - Go on, poke it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51It's fine. Poke it!
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Did you poke it?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I did.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59See what I mean? You don't have to worry.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Oh, good.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12All right.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Hmm.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Oh.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Hmm.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20All right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23All right. That's great, thank you.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25OK.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, ah. Oh, that's not necessary.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30No. I want to.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32OK.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55She's coming out of make up now.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I thought you said it wasn't so bad.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02It's definitely better.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06She looks like a Picasso! And not in a good way.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07We can't shoot that.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I promised her we'd try.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Holy crap!
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Thank you.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- What, is she storing nuts for the winter?- Seriously, we can't.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Then you tell her.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Is it terrible?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32No.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36It... it's not that bad.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39No, I'm sure we can make it work.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Really?- Absolutely.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Um, why don't you er go over to the set and er...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46so... so we can see it in the light?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47OK.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Yeah, cos light's going to help!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57PHONE RINGS
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Beverly Hills Travel.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Er, Bethany.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Thank you for my lovely bath oil.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I cannot wait to go home and soak.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Yeah, whatever.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07I'm a little confused here.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I'm looking at this stuff you sent over, it says Napa.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- Right. - What are you talking about, "Right?"
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Not Napa, Cabo.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16But we changed it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18What are you talking about?
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Well, er, Jamie said she was sick of Cabo, she wanted Napa.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Wait. You... You told Jamie?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- I'm sorry.- I... Fuck!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Fuck you, Bethany! Fuck you and your big fucking mouth!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Um, I don't appreciate being spoken to like that.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Well then you're really going to hate this. Fuck you!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43You've ruined my life! You stupid, cock-sucking, fucking fuck!
0:22:50 > 0:22:52We gotta talk about last night.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Last night?- Our little moment.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55What moment?
0:22:55 > 0:22:56- Cheek.- Cut!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- There was a moment.- No moment.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Cheek.- Cut!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Sorry. I don't even know what moment you think was a moment.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Cheek.- Cut!
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Oh!
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- Cheek.- Cut!- Cheek.- Cut!- Cheek.- Cut!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Cut!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18You totally gave me a look.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I did not. No moment, no look.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Why don't we just cover her with a sheet?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25You know what it means?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28It means there was a look and it means there was a moment.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Fine.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Fine, whatever.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34It's like Phantom Of The Opera with hair.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37- KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Hi.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Thank you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot, Robyn.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51- Oh, my God, we're really doing this! - I know. Pretty great.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- You ready?- Mm-hm.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Oh, yes, you are.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56MOBILE RINGS
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, don't answer it. Let's just go.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- Don't answer it, don't answer it! - Hello?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Or you can answer it.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05So, I guess Bethany spoiled my little surprise.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- What? - Oh, listen to you! "What?"
0:24:07 > 0:24:09You know I'm taking you to Napa.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11You're what?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Well, she told me you didn't want Cabo. That's fine.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Well, what happened to New York?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Oh, like you ever believed that!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21You're taking me to Napa?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Yep, Napa.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26That's how much I love you.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Oh, God!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Yay.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Yay.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Seriously, what the fuck?
0:24:34 > 0:24:38I don't know. Let me find out what the fuck.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Beverly Hills Travel.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Bethany. Hi, it's Jamie.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Oh, I am so sorry.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45He never told me it was going to be a surprise.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Don't worry, it's all fine. - Tell your husband that.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52He called me a cock-sucking fucking fuck.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Well, he really hates Napa.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Huh, you think?!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- So, when did he first call you? - Er, Monday.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02I can't remember, but he was talking Cabo and how he wanted to go
0:25:02 > 0:25:03it had to be short notice...
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- What?- That's what I thought, the reservation wasn't for me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's OK, honey. It wasn't your fault.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Hey, happy birthday, by the way.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14SHE SOBS
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Oh, shit!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I can't believe it.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I hate your fucking husband.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I know he's your fucking husband but I hate him.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Thank you.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26I'm sorry.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Oh.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Thanks, Peter.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Sure.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Ah!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43I have two more calls to make and then I am ready to...
0:25:43 > 0:25:45No.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46No.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- No!- Yeah.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- What?! - She found out about the trip.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I had to make her think it was for her and now,
0:25:54 > 0:25:55we're going to fucking Napa!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Wow! Perfect!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03So, you're celebrating our fifth anniversary
0:26:03 > 0:26:07by taking your wife to Napa.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Does it help to know that I'm going to hate every minute of it?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12No. It doesn't help.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I can't do this any more.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Baby.- No!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I can't.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21No more.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I'm done.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31So that's really it? Seriously?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Yep. I said it and I meant it.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I deserve better.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Good for you.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It took me five years to get here but that's it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41No more. Over and out.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Really?
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Probably not.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd