Episode 7

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0:00:04 > 0:00:06My brother thought you were great.

0:00:06 > 0:00:09I think your brother is very nice,

0:00:09 > 0:00:13but I'm not doing anything till I'm certain what's happening with erm...

0:00:13 > 0:00:15me and Sean.

0:00:15 > 0:00:18I love you, you know that,

0:00:18 > 0:00:20but I can't...

0:00:22 > 0:00:24I can't do this any more.

0:00:24 > 0:00:29Contains strong language.

0:00:29 > 0:00:30- Hi.- Jesus! Fuck!

0:00:30 > 0:00:34I was hoping you wouldn't come home yet. The cookies aren't ready.

0:00:34 > 0:00:38Get the fuck out of my house, you crazy Looney Tunes freak!

0:00:38 > 0:00:39- COOKER TIMER PINGS - Oh! My cookies.

0:01:27 > 0:01:30So, we just wanted to check in.

0:01:30 > 0:01:33Get your take on how you think the show is going.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Oh, phew. We were afraid you were cancelling us.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37SHE LAUGHS God! No!

0:01:37 > 0:01:40We'd never cancel you in person.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43That's good to know.

0:01:43 > 0:01:44So, how do you think it's going?

0:01:44 > 0:01:49Oh, come on. You don't really care what we think.

0:01:49 > 0:01:51You're just asking so we can get to what you think.

0:01:51 > 0:01:54- She's feisty today.- Today?!

0:01:54 > 0:01:55THEY LAUGH

0:01:55 > 0:01:57So, how do you think it's going?

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Well, terrific. I think it's going terrific.

0:02:00 > 0:02:04The scripts are strong, the boys are scoring great.

0:02:04 > 0:02:07So why do I feel like there's a big "but" coming?

0:02:07 > 0:02:09HE LAUGHS

0:02:09 > 0:02:11A bit "butt"?! Actually...

0:02:11 > 0:02:13- THEY LAUGH - Sorry?

0:02:13 > 0:02:19It's just...we're feeling like maybe Matt isn't quite as...

0:02:19 > 0:02:23slender as he used to be.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Slender? He's a chunk! - Stop!

0:02:25 > 0:02:28It just seems like in the last few episodes,

0:02:28 > 0:02:30he's maybe looking a little...

0:02:31 > 0:02:33I'm going to stick with "chunk".

0:02:33 > 0:02:36You know what we're saying.

0:02:36 > 0:02:38Uh, he may have put on a pound or two.

0:02:38 > 0:02:40Has he?

0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Sean doesn't notice these things. - I don't.

0:02:43 > 0:02:45It may just be this is Matt's way

0:02:45 > 0:02:47of dealing with his part getting cut down.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50Given that he's in the show less, does it even really matter?

0:02:50 > 0:02:53Well, clearly yeah, because it's giving him more time to eat.

0:02:53 > 0:02:54HE LAUGHS

0:02:54 > 0:02:56So, who cares? We did this show in the UK

0:02:56 > 0:02:59with a much, much bigger man.

0:02:59 > 0:03:00It certainly works.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03Look, I have no problem with fat. Fat people are funny.

0:03:03 > 0:03:05John Candy. Chris Farley.

0:03:05 > 0:03:07- That fat guy in Laurel and Hardy. - Yeah.

0:03:07 > 0:03:12It's just that all those people started off fat.

0:03:12 > 0:03:14You can't start out sexy and then get fat.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16Not on TV!

0:03:16 > 0:03:18With your ratings being where they are...

0:03:18 > 0:03:21It's the last thing we need.

0:03:21 > 0:03:23Yeah, we need Hot Matt.

0:03:23 > 0:03:24Not Fat Matt.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35Mm, smells amazing!

0:03:35 > 0:03:38Who knew you could do this?

0:03:38 > 0:03:40Oh, I've been cooking since I was like five.

0:03:40 > 0:03:43My mom worked, so I was kind of the chef of the house.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46You really are a man of many talents.

0:03:46 > 0:03:49- All right, open your mouth.- Oh, we're going to play that game, are we?

0:03:49 > 0:03:51HE LAUGHS

0:03:51 > 0:03:52Come on, open.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Oh my God!

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Oh my God!

0:04:00 > 0:04:02This is like Italy-good.

0:04:02 > 0:04:06- OVEN TIMER PINGS - And that would be?

0:04:06 > 0:04:09- My focaccia.- Oh, come on! - It's easy.

0:04:09 > 0:04:12Unbelievable. How could your wife leave you?

0:04:12 > 0:04:13I cheated on her.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15Ah.

0:04:15 > 0:04:19PHONE RINGS Speaking of...

0:04:19 > 0:04:20Hey.

0:04:20 > 0:04:24Hey. Guess who dropped by the boys' school this afternoon?

0:04:24 > 0:04:26Er, can we do this later?

0:04:26 > 0:04:28No. Come on, guess!

0:04:28 > 0:04:29I give up. Who?

0:04:29 > 0:04:32How about your fucking stalker?!

0:04:32 > 0:04:33Oh shit!

0:04:33 > 0:04:35A-ha, that's right.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37Your little nut bundle showed up at the boys' school

0:04:37 > 0:04:39cos she thought you were picking them up today.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41She's really got to get her schedule straight.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43Go, you idiot!

0:04:43 > 0:04:45So what happened?

0:04:45 > 0:04:46I called the police is what happened.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48You better do something about her.

0:04:48 > 0:04:51Well, what do you want me to do? I got a restraining order.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53So restrain her!

0:04:53 > 0:04:55Cos if that fucking lunatic comes near my kids again,

0:04:55 > 0:04:56I swear to God...

0:04:56 > 0:04:59All right, OK. I'll call my security guy.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02Yeah, cos he's doing such a good job so far(!)

0:05:02 > 0:05:04It's green, asshole!

0:05:04 > 0:05:06CAR HORN BLARES

0:05:17 > 0:05:18Hey there.

0:05:18 > 0:05:20Well, look who's back.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Just driving ET to work.

0:05:22 > 0:05:23Shut up!

0:05:23 > 0:05:25Morning.

0:05:25 > 0:05:29She's afraid some paparazzi will get a picture of her with her, uh...

0:05:29 > 0:05:31So she lies down in the back.

0:05:31 > 0:05:33I like to pretend I'm kidnapping her.

0:05:33 > 0:05:34You ARE a good brother.

0:05:34 > 0:05:38- It's on my way to work, so it's not that big a deal. - And where is work?

0:05:38 > 0:05:40Oh, right now, Beverly Hills.

0:05:40 > 0:05:41Oh?

0:05:41 > 0:05:42I paint houses.

0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Really?- Yeah, really.

0:05:45 > 0:05:46Someone not in show business -

0:05:46 > 0:05:48I don't think my brain can process that.

0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Yeah.- There's not a lot of us.

0:05:50 > 0:05:54It's basically me, two gardeners and a plumber.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57Although the plumber's working on a screenplay, so...

0:05:57 > 0:05:58- SHE LAUGHS - Oh, there you are.

0:05:58 > 0:06:01Oh, Sean, this is Morning's brother, Rob.

0:06:01 > 0:06:03Oh, hello. I didn't know Morning had a brother.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06Oh, she kind of keeps me under wraps.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08You know, since I'm aging in human years.

0:06:08 > 0:06:12- Right. I like your truck. - Aw, thanks.

0:06:12 > 0:06:15I drove a truck one summer. Loved it.

0:06:15 > 0:06:17You mean that ice cream truck?

0:06:18 > 0:06:20- Still a truck.- With popsicles.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Still a truck.- Yeah. - HE LAUGHS

0:06:25 > 0:06:27Matt's in his dressing room. We should get this over with.

0:06:27 > 0:06:30Oh, God!

0:06:30 > 0:06:33I wouldn't want to keep you from whatever "Oh, God" is.

0:06:33 > 0:06:34You do not want to know.

0:06:34 > 0:06:36There's always painting houses.

0:06:36 > 0:06:37Sounding better by the minute.

0:06:37 > 0:06:39Have fun.

0:06:39 > 0:06:40Ha-ha(!)

0:06:42 > 0:06:45- He seems nice.- Uh-huh.

0:06:45 > 0:06:47I like his truck.

0:06:49 > 0:06:53Please understand what we're about to tell you is not coming from us.

0:06:53 > 0:06:54Especially me.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56- From either of us.- Yeah.

0:06:56 > 0:06:58OK.

0:06:58 > 0:07:01This is the network talking. We are merely the messengers here.

0:07:01 > 0:07:03Yeah, don't shoot the messengers.

0:07:05 > 0:07:08All right, you guys are freaking me out. What?

0:07:15 > 0:07:17The network feels...

0:07:17 > 0:07:21They feel that you

0:07:21 > 0:07:24may have put on a little bit of weight.

0:07:31 > 0:07:33Are you fucking kidding me?!

0:07:33 > 0:07:35We are fucking not.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41HE SIGHS Wow!

0:07:41 > 0:07:46OK, first of all, I haven't gained one pound since I started this show.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Thank you. They're all going on about,

0:07:48 > 0:07:50"He's gained so much weight", and I'm like,

0:07:50 > 0:07:52"I'm sorry, I just don't see it".

0:07:52 > 0:07:55He says everyone's going on about this. Does that include you?

0:07:57 > 0:08:00I was not the one who said "chunk".

0:08:00 > 0:08:03I may have said you gained a little.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Which I haven't.- Obviously.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07I stand corrected.

0:08:07 > 0:08:09But you think I look like I have?

0:08:09 > 0:08:11I think you're an enormously attractive man...

0:08:11 > 0:08:14See, and I'm just hearing the word "enormous".

0:08:14 > 0:08:16I'm not the one who sees the problem here. I think you look great.

0:08:16 > 0:08:20Hello, who's the only one in this room who's slept with you?

0:08:23 > 0:08:26Right. Like we all weren't thinking it(!)

0:08:26 > 0:08:28- I wasn't.- Who would think that? Why would I even...?

0:08:28 > 0:08:30What's that got to do with anything?

0:08:32 > 0:08:34Oh.

0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Well then, so who called me a "chunk"?- It wasn't me.

0:08:36 > 0:08:38Yes! We all know it wasn't you!

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Was it that prick Merc?

0:08:40 > 0:08:41It was that prick Merc.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46If anything, I'd say you'd lost weight.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56- I didn't know you smoke. - Not since the '70s.

0:08:58 > 0:09:01But since I went Smurf-face, it's like, "Who gives a shit?" Whatever.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03How about you?

0:09:03 > 0:09:05No, I gave up.

0:09:05 > 0:09:06- Good for you.- Can I have one?- Sure.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13So my brother asked about you again.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16He called you "fetching".

0:09:16 > 0:09:17Like a dog with a stick?

0:09:17 > 0:09:21- Like he really likes you.- Hmm.

0:09:22 > 0:09:25That's very nice.

0:09:25 > 0:09:28Come on. He's a great guy. Let him take you to dinner.

0:09:30 > 0:09:33SHE SIGHS

0:09:33 > 0:09:35Well, it does appear to be my day

0:09:35 > 0:09:38for doing things I said I wouldn't do.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40Yay, that's great! I'll have him call you.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49This is nice - we should hang out more.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52Hmm, you fellated my husband.

0:09:52 > 0:09:53I what?

0:09:53 > 0:09:57Oh. Yeah. OK.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03'It's such bullshit!'

0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Believe me, I am with you 100%. - Yeah, I get that.

0:10:06 > 0:10:10I'm embarrassed for them, frankly. I mean, who are they to judge you?

0:10:13 > 0:10:15What?

0:10:15 > 0:10:16Nothing.

0:10:19 > 0:10:21Eat it. Have it. It looks nice.

0:10:21 > 0:10:23Why wouldn't you...?

0:10:23 > 0:10:25It's a doughnut.

0:10:25 > 0:10:27Just a doughnut, have two.

0:10:27 > 0:10:30It's a doughnut. Have it.

0:10:30 > 0:10:32What? You deserve it. You...

0:10:40 > 0:10:41Fat fuck!

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Is that jam in your ear?

0:10:48 > 0:10:52- Oh, it might be. Might very well be. - Picture up!

0:10:56 > 0:11:00Am I crazy, or are we seeing the shadow of his,

0:11:00 > 0:11:02erm...

0:11:02 > 0:11:04What?

0:11:05 > 0:11:07His, erm, crotchal area.

0:11:10 > 0:11:14I don't think that's what... Oh yes, it is.

0:11:14 > 0:11:15Are you guys seeing it too?

0:11:15 > 0:11:18I didn't at first.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20Now I can't look away.

0:11:20 > 0:11:22It's like trying not to look at an eclipse.

0:11:22 > 0:11:25Yeah, but that can't be his...

0:11:25 > 0:11:27Right? I mean it's just too...

0:11:28 > 0:11:31Erm...

0:11:31 > 0:11:33It's not beyond the realm of possibility.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38OK, Matt.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40It would be all right if he just...

0:11:41 > 0:11:43moves it to the other side.

0:11:43 > 0:11:45Who's going to tell him that?!

0:11:45 > 0:11:47Don't look at me - he'll probably throw it at me.

0:11:49 > 0:11:52Look, no, no, no, no.

0:11:52 > 0:11:55I have had too many hideous tasks for one day.

0:11:58 > 0:12:03(You're the director. Direct...it.)

0:12:05 > 0:12:06Here goes.

0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Hey...- Sure.

0:12:16 > 0:12:18What's up?

0:12:20 > 0:12:22I was just noticing on the monitor,

0:12:22 > 0:12:24erm, your pants...

0:13:23 > 0:13:25Where are you?

0:13:26 > 0:13:28I'm here.

0:13:28 > 0:13:31Hmm. Not really.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33What's wrong?

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Nothing.

0:13:35 > 0:13:39For a good actor, you're a terrible liar.

0:13:39 > 0:13:41You think I'm a good actor? SHE LAUGHS

0:13:41 > 0:13:44Did you even hear the rest of that sentence?

0:13:44 > 0:13:48Yeah. "For a good actor"... something.

0:13:48 > 0:13:49SHE LAUGHS

0:13:53 > 0:13:54Come on.

0:13:57 > 0:13:58It's your fucking husband.

0:13:58 > 0:14:00What?

0:14:02 > 0:14:03He, he thinks I'm fat!

0:14:03 > 0:14:05You're kidding.

0:14:05 > 0:14:08No. He said I'm a "chunk".

0:14:08 > 0:14:13That's insane! Talk about a really big pot calling the kettle...

0:14:13 > 0:14:15Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a kettle?

0:14:15 > 0:14:19No! You are so not a kettle.

0:14:19 > 0:14:24Don't do that. You look amazing.

0:14:24 > 0:14:28Erm, I don't know how to tell you this, but...

0:14:28 > 0:14:32Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have hands. I can feel.

0:14:32 > 0:14:35You feel like you look - amazing.

0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Yeah?- Hmm.

0:14:40 > 0:14:44Do - not - listen to him.

0:14:44 > 0:14:47You're perfect, just the way you are.

0:14:48 > 0:14:51Mm-wah!

0:14:53 > 0:14:54Wow!

0:14:54 > 0:14:56What?

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Because I kissed your belly?

0:14:59 > 0:15:02- Oh, so it's a belly?! - Oh, my God!

0:15:03 > 0:15:06You know who has a belly?

0:15:06 > 0:15:07Santa has a belly!

0:15:07 > 0:15:09Stop it. You are not fat.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13- I'm sure that's what Mrs Claus says! - Don't do this.- What?

0:15:13 > 0:15:15If I wanted to fight, I could have stayed with my husband.

0:15:15 > 0:15:17Who's fighting?

0:15:17 > 0:15:20Fine. But if you want me to go, my driver's right outside.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25No.

0:15:25 > 0:15:29No. Let's just talk about something else.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32We don't have to talk.

0:15:37 > 0:15:39Mm.

0:15:43 > 0:15:47They had a whole fucking meeting about it at the network.

0:15:47 > 0:15:49They have fucking meetings about everything.

0:15:49 > 0:15:52They have fucking meetings about fucking meetings!

0:15:52 > 0:15:56You have got to stop this. You're gorgeous, end of story.

0:15:56 > 0:16:00OK, I got to go back to you're really not the best person to judge.

0:16:00 > 0:16:04All right, let's say you are a "chunk"...

0:16:04 > 0:16:08Let's say you're a big fat "chunk". So what?

0:16:08 > 0:16:09So what?!

0:16:09 > 0:16:12Do you think if I could see, I wouldn't still be here?

0:16:12 > 0:16:15No, you're right - you married the pot.

0:16:15 > 0:16:17And you weren't even blind yet.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19You know what - I don't like you like this.

0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Like what? Fat?!- Call me when you're ready to be a person.

0:16:22 > 0:16:24Will do.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28Soon as I can get my fat fingers to push the buttons on the phone(!)

0:16:28 > 0:16:29Ho-ho-ho!

0:16:31 > 0:16:35PHONE RINGS

0:16:36 > 0:16:37Hello?

0:16:37 > 0:16:39Why did I agree to do this?

0:16:39 > 0:16:41Hi, honey.

0:16:41 > 0:16:42A date. A date?!

0:16:42 > 0:16:45I haven't been on a date in ten years,

0:16:45 > 0:16:46and even then I was shit at it.

0:16:46 > 0:16:47You'll be fine.

0:16:47 > 0:16:50You wouldn't say that if you'd ever dated me.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53I'm serious. I am awful at it.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56The minute it's a "date", I become this whole other person.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58I feel judged. I judge myself.

0:16:58 > 0:17:03I sweat. A normal sentence becomes a cluster-fuck of words.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06All right, relax. It's just a date.

0:17:06 > 0:17:09They're going to give you alcohol. They're going to give you food.

0:17:09 > 0:17:13In two hours, you're done. It's like a flight to Omaha.

0:17:13 > 0:17:16Only, when it's over, you're not in Omaha.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18I wish I was in Omaha.

0:17:18 > 0:17:19Stop freaking yourself out, OK?

0:17:19 > 0:17:23It's not like you have to sleep with him.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25I wasn't even thinking about that.

0:17:25 > 0:17:29Are you serious? Then why are you putting yourself through this?

0:17:40 > 0:17:42So, you look really nice.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45Oh, I don't, but thank you.

0:17:45 > 0:17:48Yes, you do. And you're welcome.

0:17:48 > 0:17:51Oh, well, it's new.

0:17:51 > 0:17:54In the shop, it looked black. Turns out it's swamp.

0:17:54 > 0:17:55THEY LAUGH

0:17:55 > 0:17:58Ooh! Olives.

0:18:01 > 0:18:02Oh, too spicy?

0:18:04 > 0:18:05Sorry, I should have warned you.

0:18:07 > 0:18:09No. They're delicious.

0:18:13 > 0:18:15You OK?

0:18:15 > 0:18:20I'm great. This is fun.

0:18:20 > 0:18:23So, house painting? Bet you've got some stories.

0:18:31 > 0:18:33You CAN spit it out.

0:18:33 > 0:18:34Uh-uh.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Why don't I move those?

0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Mm-hm.- Mm.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Bev?

0:18:42 > 0:18:44(Oh, Christ!)

0:18:44 > 0:18:46How small is this world?

0:18:46 > 0:18:48Much too small!

0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Andrew, Rob. Rob, Andrew.- Hey.

0:18:52 > 0:18:55Andrew was our PA. Now he's a big-time screen writer.

0:18:55 > 0:18:56- Oh.- And director.

0:18:56 > 0:18:59Yes. Right.

0:18:59 > 0:19:00Olive?

0:19:00 > 0:19:04Oh, that's very kind, but no, I don't want to fill up.

0:19:04 > 0:19:06Big dinner here.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08So where's Sean?

0:19:13 > 0:19:15Erm, I don't know, actually.

0:19:15 > 0:19:18What?

0:19:20 > 0:19:24No! Oh no, oh God! You're kidding me!

0:19:24 > 0:19:26No! No way!

0:19:28 > 0:19:29Oh, I'm so sorry.

0:19:30 > 0:19:32It's all really fine.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35No, it's not. If you two can't make it,

0:19:35 > 0:19:36what hope is there for the rest of us?

0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Anyway...- Oh, right, I should, I should get out of here.

0:19:42 > 0:19:45This is getting cold. I've got Keanu waiting in the car.

0:19:45 > 0:19:47SHE LAUGHS

0:19:49 > 0:19:50Nice to see you.

0:19:50 > 0:19:51Again.

0:19:54 > 0:19:56Go, Andrew. Go!

0:20:01 > 0:20:03No.

0:20:12 > 0:20:13PHONE RINGS

0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Hello?- Are you near a computer? - Why?- Just go to your computer.

0:20:17 > 0:20:22- I've sent you a link. - Am I going to hate this?

0:20:22 > 0:20:23Not as much as Matt.

0:20:27 > 0:20:30Oh, Christ!

0:20:30 > 0:20:32And plaid? What is he thinking?!

0:20:32 > 0:20:34Let's just hope he doesn't see this.

0:21:21 > 0:21:23This hummus is wonderful.

0:21:24 > 0:21:27It's not too...hummus-y.

0:21:27 > 0:21:31You know how sometimes hummus can just have too much...

0:21:33 > 0:21:35Hummus-ness?

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Ha, yes.

0:21:37 > 0:21:41- But this has got some other flavour going on.- Hmm, basil.

0:21:41 > 0:21:43"Baysil".

0:21:43 > 0:21:48Well, "baysil", basil. "Tomayto", tomato.

0:21:48 > 0:21:51"Aluminum", aluminium. Language is funny.

0:21:51 > 0:21:53SHE LAUGHS

0:21:53 > 0:21:54PHONE RINGING

0:21:54 > 0:21:56Oh God, sorry. I'll shut it off.

0:21:56 > 0:21:59The phone, I mean. Me, I can't seem to.

0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Hello?- Not what I meant to do. - No, it's fine.

0:22:02 > 0:22:05- Erm, let me take you off speaker. - OK?

0:22:07 > 0:22:08Wait, I'm trying.

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Never mind.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13Just go to your computer.

0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Actually, I'm not home. - Where are you?

0:22:16 > 0:22:17At a restaurant.

0:22:17 > 0:22:20Oh, is Carol there? Carol, you're going to love this.

0:22:20 > 0:22:24No, I'm not with Carol. Can we speak later?

0:22:24 > 0:22:27Who are you with?

0:22:27 > 0:22:29I, erm, I'm...

0:22:29 > 0:22:32I'm actually...on...a...

0:22:36 > 0:22:37..date.

0:22:41 > 0:22:42SHE COUGHS

0:22:43 > 0:22:45Hello?

0:22:47 > 0:22:49Right.

0:22:50 > 0:22:52We can discuss this tomorrow.

0:22:53 > 0:22:56No need. All good.

0:22:56 > 0:22:59Push on, have fun.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01PHONE BEEPS

0:23:04 > 0:23:05PHONE BEEPS

0:23:07 > 0:23:12...Enjoy sex more because of nerve endings, or something like that.

0:23:17 > 0:23:20I was sitting on my bike one time -

0:23:22 > 0:23:25I'd say 90, 95.

0:23:25 > 0:23:29Going down to 14 in the middle of the night. That's pretty fun.

0:23:29 > 0:23:33A little dangerous, but it's definitely exciting.

0:23:33 > 0:23:34But it was worth it.

0:24:21 > 0:24:22Hey.

0:24:22 > 0:24:24It's me.

0:24:25 > 0:24:27Call me when you get this.

0:24:30 > 0:24:32I'm sorry I've been such a prick.

0:24:35 > 0:24:36I really need to see you.

0:24:47 > 0:24:51- You all right?- I'm fine.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53I assume that was your, your ex?

0:24:55 > 0:24:59Not even ex, we're...

0:24:59 > 0:25:01..estranged.

0:25:01 > 0:25:05And that was definitely the "estrangest" part of this so far.

0:25:05 > 0:25:06Not really.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09I mean, keep in mind, he has been the one all along

0:25:09 > 0:25:13who's been saying, "We're done, it's over, move on".

0:25:13 > 0:25:16So what did he expect? That I'd sit in my cave and pine?

0:25:16 > 0:25:18Which, by the way, I have done my share of.

0:25:18 > 0:25:21Not in an actual cave, of course.

0:25:21 > 0:25:23At a certain point, one has to...

0:25:27 > 0:25:29What?

0:25:29 > 0:25:30I've just had a small epiphany.

0:25:30 > 0:25:32OK.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36In the grand scope of human existence,

0:25:36 > 0:25:41I believe I may just be the worst date ever.

0:25:41 > 0:25:42Hmm...

0:25:42 > 0:25:47Even with the caveat that this is my first one of these in over a decade,

0:25:47 > 0:25:51still, I'm a person who lives in the world. I get it.

0:25:51 > 0:25:55If you want to leave right now, you would so be within your rights...

0:25:55 > 0:25:57- Stop.- I'm serious. I'll just glance over here at the olives,

0:25:57 > 0:25:58and you can slip away.

0:25:58 > 0:26:02- You're not stopping.- Sorry.

0:26:02 > 0:26:05I'm really your first date in ten years?

0:26:05 > 0:26:08Yup, that's right. You won that golden ticket.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12OK, here's what we're going to do.

0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Tonight never happened. - Oh, it happened!

0:26:16 > 0:26:19No, no, no. No, you are getting a total do-over.

0:26:19 > 0:26:21Tomorrow night, we're going to try this again.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23- You don't have to do that. - I know.

0:26:25 > 0:26:27You're incredibly kind.

0:26:27 > 0:26:30No, it's an educated bet.

0:26:30 > 0:26:33I'm thinking you might be worth it.

0:26:35 > 0:26:39Well, I'm probably not, but thank you.

0:26:49 > 0:26:50- Is your arm in the hummus? - It is, yes.

0:27:00 > 0:27:02DOORBELL RINGS

0:27:10 > 0:27:14I came as soon as I got your message. I love you so much!

0:27:14 > 0:27:15I know.

0:27:21 > 0:27:25HE SIGHS

0:27:49 > 0:27:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd