0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:09- Can we speak later?- Who're you with? - I'm er actually on...
0:00:09 > 0:00:12a... date.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16It's not just that people don't like Pucks!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19The dog show is killing us.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21We had that cock-sucking dog, how did we let it go?!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24You said, "If anyone wants to pay for that piece of shit,
0:00:24 > 0:00:25"let them have it."
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Sounds like me.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Guess who dropped by the boys' school this afternoon?
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- I give up.- How about your fucking stalker!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Oh shit!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38That fucking lunatic comes near my kids again, I swear to God...
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I came as soon as I got your message.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I love you so much!
0:00:43 > 0:00:44I know.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55Aaah, fuck!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Does this smell bad?
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Oh! Yes!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Have you seen this?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03No. Should I throw it out?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yes! Look!
0:02:05 > 0:02:06What am I looking at?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Nikke Finke, Deadline Hollywood. Top story.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- "Who let the dog out? Merc Lapidus." - Awww.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16"It's no secret that a certain talking canine
0:02:16 > 0:02:19"has become the number one new comedy of the television season.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22"But what's less well-known is that the ABC laugher
0:02:22 > 0:02:25"was originally developed by a rival network."
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Uhhhh...
0:02:26 > 0:02:29"And it was network prexy, Merc Lapidus,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31"who not only had the wisdom to pass on the barking mega-hit,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34"but then compounded the bone-headed move
0:02:34 > 0:02:37"by letting the project be sold to a rival network.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41"Inside sources tell me that Lapidus can't be long for the job,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"especially if you're counting in dog years."
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- Aww.- Hmm.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Morning.- Morning!
0:03:00 > 0:03:02HE SMACKS HIS LIPS
0:03:05 > 0:03:06So...
0:03:06 > 0:03:08So, so, so.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Sorry to disturb you last night during your er...
0:03:12 > 0:03:14date.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17That's all right. No worries!
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Ah, good. Phew(!)
0:03:20 > 0:03:21How was it?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23The "date"?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Fine.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh, brilliant! Good, good.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Would you like to talk about it? - No, no!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Noooo!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38All right.
0:03:38 > 0:03:44HE DRUMS HIS FINGERS
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- Although...- Yeah.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50..I was wondering, erm...
0:03:50 > 0:03:53the "date," was with..?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Rob. Morning's brother.- Ah-ha!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Ah, keeping it in the family. Smart! Good!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02He seems nice.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Mmm.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Where did you go on the...
0:04:09 > 0:04:10.."date"?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Oh, just to this neighbourhood tapas place.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Tapas!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Tapas!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Tapas!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Spanish...little plates.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27OK. Speaking as someone who knows you fairly well,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I'm thinking you're going to get weirder
0:04:29 > 0:04:31before you get less weird.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Er, you may want to step away.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Good idea. Good idea.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- Good call! - HE CHUCKLES WEAKLY
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Tapas!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Tapas!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00MERC CHUCKLES
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Anybody read anything good in the paper today?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08THEY LAUGH
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Yeah, laugh.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12FYI, you all get buried in the pyramid with me.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13THEY FORCE LAUGHS
0:05:13 > 0:05:15SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:05:15 > 0:05:19OK, so we need you to sign off on our sweeps promos.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Also, we should review the status of the development slate.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Yeah, yeah, before that,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I'd like to know, where's our vampire show?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Our...our, what?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Well, am I the only one who's noticed
0:05:30 > 0:05:32that everybody's got vampires but us?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Not just vampires.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35AMC's got their fucking zombies!
0:05:35 > 0:05:38And we've got, what?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Well, we've been trying to stick to your mandate
0:05:40 > 0:05:44to only do dramas "ripped from the headlines."
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Not a lot of zombies in the headlines.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48THEY LAUGH
0:05:48 > 0:05:49But let us get the word out.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51We'll call some agents,
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- get some pitches in... - I don't have time for that!
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I'll have New York calling any minute now.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56I need something that says,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59"Hey, forget that talking dog shit storm over there!
0:05:59 > 0:06:01"Look over here! Werewolves!"
0:06:01 > 0:06:04MTV's got werewolves.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05So not werewolves! Help me here!
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Well, first of all, we already have some terrific projects
0:06:09 > 0:06:11you can get them excited about.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Have you read Beyond The Roses yet?
0:06:13 > 0:06:14What's Beyond The Roses?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16It's on your desk. It's that book.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18HE SNIGGERS A book?!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20We already talked about it.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25It's that bestseller about the family in the '60s.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27It's a beautifully nuanced portrait.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Oh, wow! A nuanced portrait!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Look at HBO, they're up the ass with nuanced portraits!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34What are the people watching?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Their fucking vampires!
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Where are MY vampires?!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I want ideas and I want them now!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- Go!- Er...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Something with mummies!
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Mummies? Too slow!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- Leprechauns?- Nothing scarier than a fucking rainbow(!)
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Um...sss..er...
0:06:51 > 0:06:52come back to me?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Oh, Jesus!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Dragons?
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Goblins?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Um, keep going.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Shape shifters? Lizard men? - Gypsies!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03There's probably a more constructive way...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Ogres, trolls, warlocks...pixies!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Mutants!- Cyborgs!- Succubi!
0:07:09 > 0:07:10SUCCUBI!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13HUGE rats!
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Harpies! Mermen!
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Gypsies!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Gypsies are real.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I don't think so.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I..er...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Oh, no need!
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Mmm...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40It's a very strange time for both of us.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I'm the one who's saying there's no going back.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44So you dating is something
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I should have seen coming.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I'm sorry I reacted so poorly.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- It's as much my fault as it is yours.- No, no, no.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54No, I should have warned you before I went.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Right.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Yeah.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Or just turned your phone off.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY Absolutely!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Good advice for next time!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09What?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Nothing.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Funnily enough...erm...
0:08:18 > 0:08:21doesn't "funnily" sound like it shouldn't be a word?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY It's a word.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I know. But it sounds like I made it up!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- HE LAUGHS - "Funnily!"
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Seems like it should involve a funnel!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY - Anyway, FUNNILY,
0:08:33 > 0:08:36I hadn't really thought about a next time.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Is there a next time in the offing?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Well, FUNNILY... THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY
0:08:40 > 0:08:43We're seeing each other again tonight.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Tonight?! - HE LAUGHS MANAICALLY
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I...I hadn't seen that coming!
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Do you need to step away again?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52I think I do!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57HE CONTINUES FORCED LAUGHTER
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Ooh..."Funnily!"
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Hi, honey! It's Carol Rance.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Crazy left-field question,
0:09:03 > 0:09:07would JJ have any interest in developing a show about gargoyles?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09KNOCK AT DOOR
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Elliot Salad on two.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13For me?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Mmm-hmm.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Sweetie, I'm so, so sorry.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17I have to call you back.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- It's New York. - SHE LAUGHS
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Elliot, hi!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25'Hello, pretty lady!'
0:09:25 > 0:09:27'So how are things in New York?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29'I saw you had almost 70 degrees!'
0:09:29 > 0:09:31And they say there's no global warming!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- There's no global warming. - Thank you!
0:09:34 > 0:09:35It's ridiculous!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37People, hello?! It's called weather!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40So what's up?
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- 'I actually just landed in LA.' - Oh, wow! Welcome.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45'I was wondering,'
0:09:45 > 0:09:47do you think we could meet for a drink tonight?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Yeah, absolutely.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Let me just make sure Merc's free, but I can't imagine he would...
0:09:52 > 0:09:53'No, no.'
0:09:53 > 0:09:55No Merc. Just you.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Uh, sure. All right.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Is everything OK?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02'Couldn't be better.'
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Well, great. Great.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Oh, and maybe don't mention to him that we're getting together.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10SHE MOUTHS
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Great, yeah, totally.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16See you then. Bye-bye.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- HE KNOCKS ON DOOR - < It's open!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Oh, hey, Facebook friend!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Hey...you!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Or should I say, ex-Facebook friend?
0:10:40 > 0:10:41I miss your status!
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Aw, that's...sweet.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50(If you'll just excuse me for a moment?)
0:10:50 > 0:10:52(A moment.)
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I need security! Wait!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- Don't go in there!- Why not?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- She's in there. Um, er, you know... - HE MIMICS STABBING WITH KNIFE
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Yeah, I know.- You know?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- She came in with me today. - Never mind. She came in with you?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Yeah. It's cool.- I'm guessing it's many things.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Cool is probably the one thing it's not.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- What's going on?- Apparently, it's Bring Your Stalker To Work Day.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- What?- He's got Labia in there! - What?!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Last night I got really hammered.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29And I was feeling kind of depressed.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31So I don't know, I guess I called her.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- You guess? - Why do you even have her number?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- From the last time I called her? - Unbelievable!
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I know. Even as I was dialling, I'm like, "Don't do this!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- "You know it's only going to bite you in the ass!" - HE SNIGGERS
0:11:41 > 0:11:42- What?- She bit you in the arse?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44A little bit.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46OK, fine, I get it!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49You're not supposed to screw your stalker!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- You brought her to work!- I'm not going to leave her in my house!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, of course not! Where are you going to put her next?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'm open to suggestions.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Well, if you put her in your car, remember to crack open a window.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00A LOT of stalkers have died that way.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Look, don't worry about it.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Have you thought this through at all?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07What about Diane?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Oh, shit! Diane!
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Oh, please, please!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Please may I be there when you try to explain this to her?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15"Darling, don't worry!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18"She's not a maniac any more, I fucked it out of her!"
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21All right, I've got to get rid of her.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- That won't be hard now! - All right, OK! It's fucked up!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25It's not fucked up!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27YOU...FUCKED...IT...UP!
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Your shrink was right.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31You really do have an inability to appreciate
0:12:31 > 0:12:32the consequences of your actions.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- When did he tell you that? - When he was destroying our lives.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Ah, yes! Good times.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- Oh, my God!- I know.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46He is the most self-sabotaging person I have ever met!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48And we know some pretty fucked-up people!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50It's like watching a car wreck.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Only he's driving both cars.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Somebody named Rob called.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58About tonight.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Er...
0:13:01 > 0:13:02..you can tell me later.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04How much later?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I was kind of hoping to get out of here early.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- All right.- All right, I can leave early?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Or all right, you want the message?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Just give me the message and go.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15OK, he said to tell you,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17same time as last night,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19same restaurant.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Thank you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24So I can go?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Fine!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34So...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40..I think I may take off as well.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41How about you?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Er, I...I've got some stuff to do.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45You know, emails.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Get organized for tomorrow.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50All right, well, have a nice evening.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You too.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I promise I will have my phone off tonight!
0:13:55 > 0:13:57And I will not be calling!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY Very good!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04HE TYPES LOUDLY
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- See you tomorrow.- Absolutely!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I have to ask, are you actually typing something, or just pretending?
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Pretending.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Right. Night.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Night.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Look, we need to talk.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Nooo! I just got here!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Labia, listen to me.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I shouldn't have called you. It was wrong.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53- No!- Yes!- No!
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Yes! This is over.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58We're done, that's it!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01You really have to go. Now!
0:15:03 > 0:15:04OK.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Yeah?
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Well, if that's what you really want.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11I mean, really, really, really, really?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12It really is, really.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14All right.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Then I'll go.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Thank you.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19But I'll always be waiting.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21OK.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Not, like, in front of the house though, right?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Sometimes in front of the house.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Great!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Look, please, don't wait for me.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32You deserve someone who loves you.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- Ah!- You do!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36They'll never be you.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- That's not necessarily a bad thing. - I don't care!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I'll wait as long as I have to.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Even when you're old.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Even when you're old and you've lost all your hair,
0:15:46 > 0:15:50and you're not famous any more,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I'll still be waiting.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Even if you're just an old, fat, former TV star
0:15:56 > 0:15:59with no money, who nobody wants, I'LL want you.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00If you get cancer
0:16:00 > 0:16:04and you lose control of your bowels and you smell bad,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07and no woman even wants to look at you,
0:16:07 > 0:16:09I'll be there for you.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13SHE MIMICS FRIENDS THEME TUNE CLAPS
0:16:17 > 0:16:20PHONE RINGS
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Hello?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Hi!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Er, I'm about to leave for my date.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29OK, now you're keeping me a little too plugged in.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30I think we need to strike a balance.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY
0:16:32 > 0:16:34I just wanted to tell you that, er...
0:16:37 > 0:16:40..if you don't want me to go, I won't go.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Oh.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48'However, I would want to know why you don't want me to go.'
0:16:48 > 0:16:50If it's just out of jealousy,
0:16:50 > 0:16:55and you don't want anything more for the two of us,
0:16:55 > 0:16:59then there's really nothing in that for me.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00On the other hand...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04'..if you think we still have a chance,
0:17:04 > 0:17:09'and that's something you want to work towards, then say so, and...'
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I'll cancel this thing in a heartbeat.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Go.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29All right.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Cool! See you tomorrow.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Right.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45PHONE RINGS
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I was hoping you'd call.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- CAROL: Really?- Oh, sorry!
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I thought you were Sean.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Well, it's me, and I am FREAKING out!
0:17:54 > 0:17:55'Why is that?'
0:17:55 > 0:17:58OK, you cannot tell anyone.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59ANYONE! Swear?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I swear.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02'Elliot Salad called.'
0:18:02 > 0:18:05He wants to meet me for a drink, WITHOUT Merc.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07'OK...'
0:18:07 > 0:18:10You have no idea who Elliot Salad is!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- None.- How do you NOT know Elliot Salad?!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I feel like I've ordered one at some point,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19but if you're saying it's the name of a person...
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Elliot Salad is the head of the network.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22He's Merc's boss.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25He's my boss. He's YOUR boss.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29SHE SNIGGERS I have a boss named Elliot Salad?!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- SHE SIGHS - Oh, shit! Here he comes!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35'How's he dressed?'
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- What?- Oh, come on!
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Salad? DRESSED?!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I'm just joining the lady.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I'm sad.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52I know.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Got everything?- Yes.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Got your sunglasses?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- No.- Where are they?
0:19:01 > 0:19:03In the bedroom. You want to help me look?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05No, no! No! You wait here.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07I'll go get them.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09DO NOT MOVE!
0:19:09 > 0:19:10OK.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- PHONE RINGS - < MATT: Don't answer that!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25PHONE KEEPS RINGING
0:19:29 > 0:19:32'LeBlanc residence.'
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Is Matt there? - 'Who may I say is calling?'
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Tell him it's Diane.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37'Oh, hi, Diane!'
0:19:37 > 0:19:39'It's Labia!'
0:19:39 > 0:19:40< MATT: 'Noooooo!'
0:19:42 > 0:19:44< MATT: 'Fuck!'
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You don't have kids, do you?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Not yet. Some day.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Hey, don't rush into it.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55You don't know what you're going to end up with.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57My oldest son is bipolar.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Last summer he burned down our East Hampton place.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03The other one's still got six months in mandatory rehab.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07And my daughter and two other girls are married to this guy in Utah.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Jesus! You can't catch a break!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- I love 'em all. - Of course you do! They're yours!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16I still think I have a chance with my youngest one.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh, she's a cutie!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- No, that's my wife.- Oh, uh... - It's fine.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Second marriage. Good for me!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Here she is. She's seven.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Aww!- And so smart.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Guess what her favourite TV show is?
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Pucks!?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35No, seriously, guess.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Does it star a beagle who won't shut up?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Yep. She adores that dog.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43You developed that, right?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Well, not just me. We really are a team.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get to meet the dog?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- It's actually five dogs. - Oh, I hate hearing that!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS
0:20:55 > 0:20:58It must have killed you when Merc didn't go with it.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00You know, everybody makes mistakes.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Well, there's mistakes and then there's MISTAKES.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Shows like this come once in a decade.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's like lightning in a bottle.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I watch my daughter watching it and she just laughs.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13And she's got this great little laugh,
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- like a dolphin laugh, you know? - HE MIMICS DOLPHIN LAUGH
0:21:17 > 0:21:18And I listen to her,
0:21:18 > 0:21:23and she's just so into it and so happy,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25it makes me want to grab a bat and fucking kill someone.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30Just smash them and hurt them and kill them!
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Maybe you shouldn't be around when she watches it.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38The next morning, when I look at the numbers...Jesus!
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I hate Tuesday mornings now.
0:21:41 > 0:21:46There's that dog with his beautiful double digits.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48And then I look over at Pucks.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50What are we paying LeBlanc?
0:21:50 > 0:21:54I would pay that much to watch the dog eat him.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Look, a day doesn't go by
0:21:59 > 0:22:02that Merc doesn't beat himself up about it.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03But what can we do?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06We've got to look forward.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Well, he can stop looking forward.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09What?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12The decision's made. Merc's out.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21For some reason, this all feels vaguely familiar.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Almost as if we'd been here before.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Only I'm not babbling like an idiot.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27The night is young.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Believe me!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Uh, no!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Oh, God!
0:22:32 > 0:22:35So, how was your day?
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Uh-uh, no.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- No?- No.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I promised myself tonight is about you.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Oh, wow. You don't want
0:22:43 > 0:22:45to talk about house painting.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Then we will sit in silence.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52All right then. I tell you what,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54if you're really interested,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58after dinner, I'll show you what I'm working on.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02A house mid-paint? I'm intrigued!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Are you?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Strangely, I am.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12I know it's not up to me,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15but I really think you should give him more time.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Merc is a strong executive.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20He can turn this thing around!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- I appreciate your loyalty... - It's not loyalty!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I truly believe he can do it.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Carol!- We've got a lot of great shows in development...
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Honey! Stop!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's a done deal.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34The board voted. He's out.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Jesus!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42What about all the years we were number one?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Don't they count for anything?
0:23:44 > 0:23:45They counted.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46When we were number one.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49I know, it's a ruthless business.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Look, it happens to all of us eventually.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58It's like the circle of life.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Like Lion King. You saw Lion King?
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Mmm-hmm.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Genius! Those puppets!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08When are you going to tell him?
0:24:08 > 0:24:12I thought I'd wait till after his Man Of The Year thing.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13At least let him have that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- That's nice.- Also, that way,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17we can empty his office while he's there.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24So, we should talk about the transition.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Can I ask? Do you know who you're going to go with?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30We've got a very short list.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Right.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33And your name's at the top of it.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47OK.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51You see all that marble?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52That's me.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55What do you mean, it's you?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Well, it's not marble.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59It's all faux.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Faux?- Mmm-hmm.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Oh, my God!
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Oh, my God, you painted all this?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Well, me and my crew.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10You big, fat liar!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12"I paint houses!"
0:25:12 > 0:25:15You're a bloody genius!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17No, really. No, that is not true.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19The hell it's not! This is amazing!
0:25:19 > 0:25:23And this is actually someone's house?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Yeah. Can you believe it?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27No! Who's going to live here?
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Oh, I don't know.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32They don't even tell me their names.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35My crew and I call them the Bullshits.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Todd and Holly Bullshit.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41So their children are the little Shits?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- HE LAUGHS - Yeah, that's them!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47All faux?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Mmm, all faux.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55You really are amazingly talented.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56You do know that?
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I'm OK. It's not art-art.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I've seen a lot of art-art.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I'd be willing to bet that the paintings
0:26:05 > 0:26:07the Bullshits hang on these walls
0:26:07 > 0:26:11are not nearly as good as what you're doing underneath them.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13You're very sweet.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Actually, I'm not.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17You should speak to some people who know me.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20No. No, I'm sticking with sweet.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40OK...
0:26:40 > 0:26:42All right?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Yep...I am.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48That was lovely.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49A little troubling.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Troubling?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Because...it was lovely.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Oh!
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Oh, what can I say? I'm a mess!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59You're allowed to be.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03See, you're the sweet one.
0:27:06 > 0:27:12When I came to this country, a few months ago, um...
0:27:12 > 0:27:13I was happily married.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I hadn't kissed another man in ten years, and um...
0:27:20 > 0:27:23..never had a doubt as to what I was feeling.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27And now?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I haven't a clue.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32But...
0:27:33 > 0:27:36..whatever it is, funnily...
0:27:38 > 0:27:42..it's definitely not faux.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Oh! Now we're doing it again! SHE GIGGLES
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd