Episode 5

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0:00:04 > 0:00:07If we're having a problem fornicationally,

0:00:07 > 0:00:08then we should discuss it.

0:00:08 > 0:00:10We've got to get over this.

0:00:10 > 0:00:12Yes, well, it's a lot easier for you to get over it.

0:00:12 > 0:00:13I've got to get...

0:00:13 > 0:00:15up and over it, if you know what I mean.

0:00:15 > 0:00:18I hate my dick.

0:00:18 > 0:00:19Why aren't you doing my pilot?

0:00:19 > 0:00:22You'd be SO right for it.

0:00:22 > 0:00:24- Maybe just give it a read. - No, that's OK.

0:00:24 > 0:00:25What are you reading?

0:00:25 > 0:00:27That asshole's script.

0:00:27 > 0:00:29It's fucking brilliant.

0:00:29 > 0:00:30Oh, the bloody nerve.

0:00:30 > 0:00:32Trying to poach you from us?

0:00:32 > 0:00:34And that you would even consider...

0:00:34 > 0:00:36That little shit weasel.

0:00:36 > 0:00:38How are the new meds working out?

0:00:38 > 0:00:41Everything makes me hard. This morning when I was getting gas,

0:00:41 > 0:00:43I got a boner putting the nozzle into the tank.

0:00:43 > 0:00:45I never cry at work.

0:00:45 > 0:00:48Well, I'd hug you, but obviously, I'm all sweaty and...

0:00:48 > 0:00:50I don't mind.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45Are you sure that's what it was?

0:01:45 > 0:01:47I am telling you, he's hugging me,

0:01:47 > 0:01:51and I'm thinking, "Ooh, his arms are so hard."

0:01:51 > 0:01:54Then, all of a sudden, it's like, "Fuck his arms."

0:01:54 > 0:01:55"What the hell is THAT?"

0:01:55 > 0:01:57Unbelievable.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59- I know!- No.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01My "unbelievable" is not a good "unbelievable."

0:02:01 > 0:02:06Oh, come on. Just knowing he's feeling what I'm feeling...

0:02:06 > 0:02:09And believe me, I felt what he's feeling.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12Has history taught you nothing?

0:02:12 > 0:02:15You have been down this road before.

0:02:15 > 0:02:16But with Merc.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19If I knew I could only go down the road one time,

0:02:19 > 0:02:22that's not who I would've gone down it with!

0:02:22 > 0:02:24- Look, you asked my opinion... - Did I?

0:02:24 > 0:02:26All right, I offered you my opinion.

0:02:26 > 0:02:28And I hear what you're saying,

0:02:28 > 0:02:32but then I look at Castor,

0:02:32 > 0:02:36and he's so brilliant and sexy and powerful!

0:02:36 > 0:02:37He's your boss.

0:02:37 > 0:02:40I know! He's the whole package!

0:02:41 > 0:02:45- The side effects haven't lessened at all?- No.

0:02:45 > 0:02:47Yesterday, I had to give this stupid woman

0:02:47 > 0:02:48who works for me a hug,

0:02:48 > 0:02:51and she was almost impaled on it!

0:02:51 > 0:02:53All right. We'll start cutting back on your dosage.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56Cutting back? No. Can't we just stop?

0:02:56 > 0:02:58Not with this medication.

0:02:58 > 0:03:00We have to wean you off slowly.

0:03:00 > 0:03:02Just so you know, when you said "wean",

0:03:02 > 0:03:03I got a little hard.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08You realise we're halfway up this mountain

0:03:08 > 0:03:11- and all we've talked about is your boss' erection.- OK, fine.

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Any erections you want to talk about?

0:03:13 > 0:03:14- Nope.- Really?

0:03:14 > 0:03:17- No.- You and Sean - still no...- No.

0:03:19 > 0:03:21Have you thought about seeing someone -

0:03:21 > 0:03:24like a couples' counsellor or something?

0:03:24 > 0:03:26I could ask my shrink to recommend someone.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28Wait a minute.

0:03:28 > 0:03:30YOU have a shrink?

0:03:30 > 0:03:32Uh-huh. He's really good.

0:03:32 > 0:03:33Really?

0:03:36 > 0:03:37MATT: Hello?

0:03:37 > 0:03:38In here!

0:03:41 > 0:03:43That is the best "hello" EVER.

0:03:43 > 0:03:45SHE CHUCKLES

0:03:45 > 0:03:47Don't move. I'm coming in for a kiss.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55Almost done.

0:03:55 > 0:03:56No rush.

0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Uh, what happened to all the paintings?- What do you mean?

0:04:08 > 0:04:10The paintings that were hanging on the walls?

0:04:10 > 0:04:11- They're not.- Are you kidding?

0:04:11 > 0:04:13You didn't know?

0:04:13 > 0:04:15No. I didn't know. Which ones?

0:04:15 > 0:04:17Uh, the one over the fireplace.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19The Diebenkorn's gone?

0:04:19 > 0:04:21Assuming that's a painting, yeah.

0:04:21 > 0:04:23And the one by the door,

0:04:23 > 0:04:25and the creepy baby face is gone.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Oh, my God!- Hang on.

0:04:29 > 0:04:31Yep, everything in here, too.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34I don't believe this. Is anything else missing?

0:04:34 > 0:04:36I don't know. Uh...

0:04:36 > 0:04:37Looks like just the paintings.

0:04:37 > 0:04:40Who else besides me has your gate code?

0:04:40 > 0:04:44Maria, my assistant Missy.

0:04:44 > 0:04:45Oh, Jesus!

0:04:45 > 0:04:47- What?- Oh!

0:04:47 > 0:04:49Oh, that motherfucker.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51He still has your code?

0:04:51 > 0:04:52Even he wouldn't do this.

0:04:52 > 0:04:54Merc? He'd totally do this.

0:04:54 > 0:04:58Think of all the shit he did to you when you weren't divorcing him.

0:04:58 > 0:04:59- I'm calling him.- No, don't call him.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Oh, I'm calling him.- Please, just let my lawyers handle it.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05No, someone's got to tell him what a giant asshole he is.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08Believe me, I've told him. Please, stay out of it.

0:05:08 > 0:05:09For me.

0:05:12 > 0:05:13HE GROANS

0:05:13 > 0:05:16Did you put your phone away?

0:05:16 > 0:05:17Yes.

0:05:17 > 0:05:19Did you?

0:05:19 > 0:05:21Yes.

0:05:21 > 0:05:22Thank you.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35What's the deal with this network press thing tonight?

0:05:35 > 0:05:36Oh, I forgot. That's tonight?

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Yeah, it's this stupid cocktail party for the TV critics.

0:05:39 > 0:05:40The networks do it every year.

0:05:40 > 0:05:42Seriously?

0:05:42 > 0:05:44The people who wrote all the nasty things about us,

0:05:44 > 0:05:46we have to have canapes with them?

0:05:46 > 0:05:47Yeah, it's not as much fun as it sounds.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49And there's no getting out of it?

0:05:49 > 0:05:50Not unless you're on a hit show.

0:05:50 > 0:05:52So there's no getting out of it.

0:05:52 > 0:05:55There you are. Ready?

0:05:55 > 0:05:57For what?

0:05:57 > 0:05:58Oh, shit. That's now?

0:05:58 > 0:05:59What's now?

0:05:59 > 0:06:03Nothing. It's a...

0:06:03 > 0:06:05- private thing. - What kind of private thing?

0:06:05 > 0:06:08Well, it's a thing,

0:06:08 > 0:06:10and it's private.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12You're really not gonna tell me?

0:06:12 > 0:06:14No.

0:06:14 > 0:06:16No. See you tonight.

0:06:19 > 0:06:22- What do you think it is? - Who gives a shit?

0:06:26 > 0:06:28So, have, uh, either of you ever been

0:06:28 > 0:06:30to a sex therapist before?

0:06:35 > 0:06:38W-We were under the impression that you were a couples' counsellor.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41Specialising in sex therapy.

0:06:41 > 0:06:42Bloody hell!

0:06:42 > 0:06:44We were not aware.

0:06:44 > 0:06:45Thanks, Carol.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48Oh, so this isn't a sexual issue that you're here to deal with?

0:06:48 > 0:06:50Well, it is.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52It IS.

0:06:52 > 0:06:57All right, then why don't you tell me a little bit about what's going on?

0:07:03 > 0:07:04OK.

0:07:04 > 0:07:08We have recently been through a, um...

0:07:08 > 0:07:10A bit of a rough patch in our marriage,

0:07:10 > 0:07:13which we have both worked very hard to get past.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15Unfortunately...

0:07:17 > 0:07:19..it has left us with certain...

0:07:21 > 0:07:22..er, ramifications.

0:07:22 > 0:07:24Sexual?

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Sexual. Yes.

0:07:26 > 0:07:28Sexual.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Sexual.- Say it another ten times.

0:07:30 > 0:07:32- I'm sorry, it IS sexual.- Nine more.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34Sean, let me ask you a question.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37Are you able to achieve an erection?

0:07:39 > 0:07:41I'd really rather not say.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43If you want me to help you...

0:07:43 > 0:07:45That IS why we're here.

0:07:45 > 0:07:47HE SIGHS Fine.

0:07:47 > 0:07:48So, are you?

0:07:48 > 0:07:50Am I what?

0:07:50 > 0:07:53Are you able to achieve an erection?

0:07:54 > 0:07:55Mm-hm.

0:07:55 > 0:07:59Do you find it difficult to maintain your erection

0:07:59 > 0:08:01to complete intercourse?

0:08:04 > 0:08:05I'd rather not say.

0:08:05 > 0:08:06Yes.

0:08:06 > 0:08:09Do you masturbate?

0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Her or me?- You.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13I'd rather not say.

0:08:16 > 0:08:19Beverly, I'd like to try an exercise.

0:08:19 > 0:08:20All right.

0:08:20 > 0:08:24If your vagina could speak to Sean right now,

0:08:24 > 0:08:26what would it say to him?

0:08:26 > 0:08:27If my vagina could speak,

0:08:27 > 0:08:31we'd be having an entirely different set of problems.

0:08:31 > 0:08:32I sense your discomfort.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35But please...

0:08:40 > 0:08:43OK. Er...

0:08:43 > 0:08:45SHE SIGHS

0:08:45 > 0:08:47I suppose, if it could speak...

0:08:47 > 0:08:49SHE SIGHS

0:08:50 > 0:08:52..it would want him to know...

0:08:52 > 0:08:56No. No. No. AS your vagina to Sean.

0:09:07 > 0:09:10- DEEP SING-SONG VOICE:- Hi, Sean.

0:09:19 > 0:09:24Have you two thought about alternatives to intercourse?

0:09:24 > 0:09:27Perhaps you could pleasure each other orally

0:09:27 > 0:09:29or engage in anal play.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Mm, absolutely.- Mm-hmm.

0:09:31 > 0:09:33Take me home. I want to go home.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40- AS VAGINA:- Though others have been in me,

0:09:40 > 0:09:43you are the one I want.

0:09:48 > 0:09:52Sean, as you find yourself losing your erection...

0:09:52 > 0:09:53Oh, good, we're back on that.

0:09:53 > 0:09:57Do you think that there's anything that Beverly could do differently?

0:09:58 > 0:09:59No.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03No? Maybe something that she used to do, or some fantasy?

0:10:03 > 0:10:06- No.- Maybe something that this other woman did.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08Oh, God, no.

0:10:08 > 0:10:11Look... It's not about sex.

0:10:11 > 0:10:12- Well...- It's not.

0:10:12 > 0:10:14I hate to disappoint you.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16I realise that's your thing,

0:10:16 > 0:10:18and I'm sorry if this leaves you out of the mix,

0:10:18 > 0:10:22but what happened to us had nothing to do with...

0:10:22 > 0:10:24copulation.

0:10:24 > 0:10:27And I'm speaking for my cock here, as well.

0:10:27 > 0:10:29Well, so then, what is it about?

0:10:32 > 0:10:34Trust.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Trust?- Right.

0:10:38 > 0:10:40It's not about sex. It's not even about love.

0:10:40 > 0:10:43Love's the easy bit.

0:10:43 > 0:10:45It turns out...

0:10:46 > 0:10:48..finding trust with someone...

0:10:49 > 0:10:52..feeling safe,

0:10:52 > 0:10:54that's...

0:10:58 > 0:11:01And when I finally found it I thought, "Well...

0:11:03 > 0:11:05"..there you go. That's it."

0:11:06 > 0:11:09But...

0:11:09 > 0:11:11when the trust goes away....

0:11:13 > 0:11:15..when you can't feel it any more...

0:11:18 > 0:11:21..I don't know how you get it back.

0:11:26 > 0:11:29Sometimes I think...

0:11:29 > 0:11:31What?

0:11:33 > 0:11:36Sometimes I think maybe we've somehow...

0:11:38 > 0:11:41..broken something fundamental...

0:11:41 > 0:11:43that can't be fixed.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59TYRES SCREECH

0:12:02 > 0:12:04What the fuck!?

0:12:04 > 0:12:06Are you crazy?

0:12:06 > 0:12:09You had to tell her about the fucking paintings.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12She was fine until you opened your big mouth.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Three weeks, she didn't even know that they were gone!

0:12:15 > 0:12:17Now all of a sudden, it's, "Oh, I need my paintings."

0:12:17 > 0:12:20"I can't feel the presence of my art."

0:12:20 > 0:12:21God, you're a dick.

0:12:21 > 0:12:22Then suck me.

0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Just stay out of my goddamn business!- Or what?

0:12:25 > 0:12:27You'll cancel my show?

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Oh, wait, you can't, because they cancelled YOU.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32You know what? I'm glad I didn't cancel you.

0:12:32 > 0:12:34I like knowing you're stuck in that piece of shit.

0:12:34 > 0:12:35It feels good.

0:12:35 > 0:12:37Oh, yeah? You know what really feels good?

0:12:37 > 0:12:41Putting my penis inside your wife's vagina.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44Oh. Look who went to medical school.

0:12:44 > 0:12:45You know what? You can have her.

0:12:45 > 0:12:47- I already got her.- Well, keep her!

0:12:47 > 0:12:51By the way, is the whole blind thing getting a little tired yet?

0:12:51 > 0:12:53Wait till you watch her eat soup.

0:12:53 > 0:12:54All right, that's it.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56Get the hell out of my driveway,

0:12:56 > 0:12:57and you better put those fucking paintings back.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59Or what?

0:12:59 > 0:13:01You don't scare me.

0:13:01 > 0:13:02- Huh?- I'm serious.

0:13:02 > 0:13:03You do not want to mess with this.

0:13:05 > 0:13:07I swear to God!

0:13:07 > 0:13:10You are so lucky that I have dinner plans.

0:13:10 > 0:13:12ENGINE TURNS OVER AND REVS

0:13:23 > 0:13:25DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:13:31 > 0:13:34We're all really excited about the show moving to Saturday.

0:13:34 > 0:13:35Talk a little more about that.

0:13:35 > 0:13:38Well, there's so little original programming on Saturdays.

0:13:38 > 0:13:41It gives us a chance to reach a whole new audience.

0:13:41 > 0:13:43So, basically, you're hoping to do well

0:13:43 > 0:13:44only because there's nothing else on.

0:13:44 > 0:13:46Yeah.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52I never saw it, but when you did the show in England,

0:13:52 > 0:13:55- it was a big hit, right? - Uh-huh.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57Is there something we're not getting?

0:13:57 > 0:14:01You're not getting the show we did in England!

0:14:01 > 0:14:02Excuse me.

0:14:02 > 0:14:06- Can I just steal these two for a sec?- Sure.

0:14:06 > 0:14:08You're welcome!

0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Oh, my God, does anyone like our show?- Probably.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17There he is.

0:14:17 > 0:14:20- There who is?- Castor.

0:14:21 > 0:14:23What do you think?

0:14:23 > 0:14:26I think he's the cliff, and you're Thelma AND Louise.

0:14:26 > 0:14:29Yeah. I'd drive off that.

0:14:31 > 0:14:33OK, so when you're finished talking business,

0:14:33 > 0:14:36I'll be over at the bar.

0:14:36 > 0:14:37Look at him.

0:14:37 > 0:14:39He's under so much pressure.

0:14:39 > 0:14:42This is, like, his first official thing.

0:14:42 > 0:14:45It's got to be so hard.

0:14:45 > 0:14:46Anyway...

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Oh, by the way... at some point,

0:14:48 > 0:14:51we need to have a little chat

0:14:51 > 0:14:53about our visit to the "counsellor" today.

0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, right. How'd it go?

0:14:55 > 0:14:57- Not now.- No, tell me.

0:14:57 > 0:15:02You might have mentioned she's a sex therapist.

0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Didn't I?- No.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05- No?- No!

0:15:05 > 0:15:07She talked about anal play.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Maybe let's do this later.- Let's.

0:15:12 > 0:15:14I have Matt LeBlanc coming in.

0:15:14 > 0:15:17So, Morning and the boys are here already,

0:15:17 > 0:15:19and Stoke's not coming. You know that, right?

0:15:19 > 0:15:22- How the hell did he get out of it? - He's shooting some V05 commercial.

0:15:22 > 0:15:23Fucking hair.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25The important thing is that you're here.

0:15:25 > 0:15:27Everybody's very excited to talk to you.

0:15:27 > 0:15:29Great. I'm very excited about vodka.

0:15:29 > 0:15:30Can you get me a vodka?

0:15:30 > 0:15:33I can. Anything you need, I'm here.

0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Uh, vodka.- Absolutely.

0:15:35 > 0:15:38- First, let's just go through a few quick talking points.- Yeah. Yeah.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41You're really psyched about Pucks' big move to Saturday.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43It's a great opportunity for the show,

0:15:43 > 0:15:45feels like a fresh start,

0:15:45 > 0:15:48and it's a chance to attract a whole new audience.

0:15:48 > 0:15:49Anything else?

0:15:49 > 0:15:51Vodka?

0:15:51 > 0:15:52There you go.

0:15:59 > 0:16:04I got to ask, what made you come back in this?

0:16:04 > 0:16:06Uh, a new bank opened down the street,

0:16:06 > 0:16:08and I wanted to fill it up.

0:16:08 > 0:16:10BOTH CHUCKLE No, seriously,

0:16:10 > 0:16:13after being on a hit, this has got to be rough, no?

0:16:13 > 0:16:16Nah. I'm having a blast.

0:16:16 > 0:16:18Very excited about the show moving to Saturday.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20SATURDAY.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22Even though you're barely on it now?

0:16:22 > 0:16:25- HE CHUCKLES - That's not true.

0:16:25 > 0:16:28How come all of a sudden, no-one wants to talk about my hair turning grey?

0:16:29 > 0:16:32No offence, it's not really your show any more.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34What, are you trying to cause trouble here?

0:16:34 > 0:16:36It's still my show.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38Is it?

0:16:42 > 0:16:44HE CHUCKLES UNEASILY

0:16:44 > 0:16:46I swear, they never showed it to us.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49Look at that! I'm smaller than the fucking Puck!

0:16:49 > 0:16:52Hey, can I have a daiquiri, please?

0:16:52 > 0:16:53Hey, Matt.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55Bruno Aiken, Houston Sentinel.

0:16:55 > 0:16:57How you doing?

0:16:57 > 0:16:58Hey.

0:16:59 > 0:17:03Hey! You're the guy who called me fat.

0:17:03 > 0:17:05- HE CHUCKLES - Uh, I don't... I don't...

0:17:05 > 0:17:08In your review. You called me fat.

0:17:08 > 0:17:11Are you fucking kidding me? You're 10 times fatter than me.

0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Well...- You know, you can't tell from that tiny picture

0:17:13 > 0:17:16in your stupid column and with the beard and everything,

0:17:16 > 0:17:19but that's all face under there. Wow!

0:17:23 > 0:17:25So, you know we're moving to Saturday?

0:17:34 > 0:17:37How much longer do you think we have to stay?

0:17:37 > 0:17:39I don't know. Oh...

0:17:39 > 0:17:40shit.

0:17:40 > 0:17:41- What?- Over there.

0:17:43 > 0:17:46Oh. Please, God, don't let him see us.

0:17:46 > 0:17:48I swear, I cannot face him tonight.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50If I hear one more, "Bev, guess what?

0:17:50 > 0:17:53"I farted, and an Oscar came out."

0:17:53 > 0:17:56All right, if he moves towards us, let's just pretend... Fuck, he saw us.

0:17:56 > 0:17:57Oh, God, please don't come over.

0:17:57 > 0:18:00Please don't come over. Is he coming over?

0:18:01 > 0:18:02No.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06Well, that's odd.

0:18:06 > 0:18:07- Sure it's him? - Of course it's him.

0:18:07 > 0:18:09- Look at the poncy scarf. - Maybe he didn't see us.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11Oh, he saw us.

0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Look, he just saw us again. - And nothing!

0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Didn't even wave! - He's blowing us off.

0:18:17 > 0:18:20That little shit!

0:18:21 > 0:18:23Give me a vodka, and then another vodka.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27What are you guys staring at?

0:18:27 > 0:18:28That dick whistle Andrew Lesley.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30Andrew Lesley's here?

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Andrew. Hey!

0:18:36 > 0:18:38Monsieur LeBlanc!

0:18:38 > 0:18:39BOTH CHUCKLE

0:18:41 > 0:18:45- What are you doing here?- Oh, I-I just shot a pilot with a network.

0:18:45 > 0:18:46Plus the one for NBC?

0:18:46 > 0:18:50I know. I worry there won't be enough of me to go around.

0:18:50 > 0:18:52Listen, I didn't get a chance to tell you.

0:18:52 > 0:18:55- I loved your script.- You did not!

0:18:55 > 0:18:57Oh, my God, are you kidding?

0:18:57 > 0:18:59Well, everyone says it, but still.

0:18:59 > 0:19:00So, uh, where are you with casting?

0:19:00 > 0:19:02In hell, thanks to you.

0:19:02 > 0:19:04Y-You positively ruined me.

0:19:04 > 0:19:07Now I can only hear your voice in my head.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10Well, keep hearing it, cos they're trying Pucks on a new night,

0:19:10 > 0:19:12and if it doesn't work...

0:19:12 > 0:19:14Now you're just being a tease.

0:19:14 > 0:19:17- Hey, stop teasing me. - HE CHUCKLES

0:19:17 > 0:19:18Look at them.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20What an arsehole.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22- Which one?- Take your pick.

0:19:22 > 0:19:25Look, it's no secret we're in last place.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27Good news is, we have nowhere to go but up.

0:19:27 > 0:19:30And yes, I'm aware that's not very good news.

0:19:31 > 0:19:34It's got to feel like your schedule's in free fall, though.

0:19:34 > 0:19:36I think all network TV's in free fall.

0:19:36 > 0:19:40We're just the first ones pushed out of the plane.

0:19:40 > 0:19:44Does it worry you that you've never run a network before?

0:19:44 > 0:19:45What?!

0:19:46 > 0:19:48OK, look, what can I say?

0:19:48 > 0:19:51The last guy who had this job ran the network for years.

0:19:51 > 0:19:54Unfortunately, he ran the network into the ground.

0:19:57 > 0:20:00- MAN:- So, you're saying this is all Merc Lapidus's mess?

0:20:03 > 0:20:04I'm sorry, what?

0:20:06 > 0:20:08Merc's mess?

0:20:08 > 0:20:09Uh, no.

0:20:09 > 0:20:12Uh, look, I could easily pin it all on him,

0:20:12 > 0:20:15but it's a totally different landscape today.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20We're not...just competing against each other.

0:20:20 > 0:20:21There are...

0:20:24 > 0:20:25There are all these...

0:20:27 > 0:20:28..new platforms.

0:20:36 > 0:20:37Excuse me.

0:20:45 > 0:20:48Hey, there. Are you all right?

0:20:48 > 0:20:50I'm fine. Go back to the party.

0:20:54 > 0:20:57Look, I get it.

0:20:57 > 0:20:59It's hard.

0:21:01 > 0:21:02You...

0:21:02 > 0:21:03You can tell?

0:21:03 > 0:21:06Of course I can tell.

0:21:06 > 0:21:07Oh, Jesus.

0:21:07 > 0:21:10You think...everyone can tell?

0:21:10 > 0:21:12No! No, you're doing great.

0:21:12 > 0:21:14HE SIGHS

0:21:14 > 0:21:16But I totally get what you're going through.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18You do?

0:21:18 > 0:21:19Totally.

0:21:19 > 0:21:21Now, listen to me.

0:21:21 > 0:21:24You are not alone in this,

0:21:24 > 0:21:26no matter how hard it gets -

0:21:26 > 0:21:31and believe me, it can always get harder.

0:21:31 > 0:21:33- HE GROANS - I don't think that's possible.

0:21:33 > 0:21:35I'm here for you.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Whatever you need.

0:21:39 > 0:21:40Really?

0:21:40 > 0:21:43THEY PANT AND GROAN

0:22:04 > 0:22:08Well, don't you look pretty?

0:22:08 > 0:22:10I didn't realise the dress code this morning

0:22:10 > 0:22:12was cocktail dishevelled.

0:22:14 > 0:22:17I tried calling, but there's no reception up here.

0:22:17 > 0:22:20- I can't do this today. - Is it the heels?

0:22:20 > 0:22:21BOTH CHUCKLE

0:22:21 > 0:22:26I never got home last night.

0:22:26 > 0:22:29I couldn't help but notice the hiking outfit did look familiar.

0:22:29 > 0:22:31Don't be mad.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33Castor?

0:22:33 > 0:22:36Oh, my God!

0:22:36 > 0:22:38- You slept with him.- I swear,

0:22:38 > 0:22:39there was no sleeping.

0:22:39 > 0:22:41It was insane!

0:22:41 > 0:22:46He went literally - lit-er-al-ly - all night.

0:22:46 > 0:22:49I've never seen anything like it.

0:22:49 > 0:22:53Merc on a good day, plus Viagra, maybe ten minutes.

0:22:53 > 0:22:56SHE GROANS This was superhuman.

0:22:56 > 0:22:59Calendar pages were flying off.

0:22:59 > 0:23:03Flowers were coming up and opening, and dying.

0:23:03 > 0:23:04BOTH CHUCKLE

0:23:04 > 0:23:07I guess, hmm, no offence,

0:23:07 > 0:23:08but I definitely hate you.

0:23:08 > 0:23:11What? Oh, God. Sorry!

0:23:11 > 0:23:13No, no. Don't feel bad.

0:23:13 > 0:23:18It's not at all like telling Gandhi about how you ate a whole ham.

0:23:18 > 0:23:19I...

0:23:21 > 0:23:23If it helps, I'm really sore!

0:23:23 > 0:23:24Doesn't help!

0:23:28 > 0:23:31PHONE RINGS

0:23:40 > 0:23:42Hello, there.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Hey.

0:23:44 > 0:23:46Just thought you'd be happy to know the paintings are back.

0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Really?- Up on the walls and everything.

0:23:49 > 0:23:50That's great.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Thank you for, uh, staying out of it.

0:23:53 > 0:23:55I know that wasn't easy.

0:23:55 > 0:23:56'Ah...

0:23:56 > 0:23:58'I'm just happy it all worked out.'

0:23:58 > 0:24:01So, am I seeing you later?

0:24:01 > 0:24:04'Definitely. Maybe go to the beach?'

0:24:04 > 0:24:08Oh, sounds great. I am dying for a swim.

0:24:08 > 0:24:11Maybe after, we could go out somewhere.

0:24:11 > 0:24:12'How about Nobu?'

0:24:12 > 0:24:15Nobu? I love Nobu.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25What are you doing?

0:24:25 > 0:24:28I don't know. Just looking.

0:24:28 > 0:24:30Would you like a chair?

0:24:30 > 0:24:31No.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33Want to do something?

0:24:33 > 0:24:35Sure.

0:24:35 > 0:24:36What?

0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Anything. I don't care. - Like a movie or something?

0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Mm...- So, not anything.

0:24:41 > 0:24:43Not really in a movie mood.

0:24:43 > 0:24:47We could just stay at home and pleasure each other orally.

0:24:47 > 0:24:50Oh, my God! That was the worst hour of my life.

0:24:50 > 0:24:53So then, uh, not up for a little, uh, anal play?

0:24:53 > 0:24:54Saw an anal play once.

0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Was it shitty?- It was.

0:24:57 > 0:24:59That's why we get the big bucks!

0:25:00 > 0:25:02Will you ever recover from that?

0:25:02 > 0:25:04Never. Permanently traumatised.

0:25:04 > 0:25:07By the way, why does your vagina sound like Yoda?

0:25:07 > 0:25:10- SHE LAUGHS - I didn't know what to do.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12AS YODA: "Penetrate me you could.

0:25:12 > 0:25:15- "Lubricated I am."- Shut up.

0:25:15 > 0:25:18"Sometimes, like popcorn I smell."

0:25:18 > 0:25:19Stop it!

0:25:24 > 0:25:25We're not broken.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28You don't think?

0:25:28 > 0:25:31Maybe a little cracked.

0:25:48 > 0:25:50Wow.

0:25:50 > 0:25:52Did not see that coming.

0:25:52 > 0:25:53No!

0:25:55 > 0:25:57- What was different this time? - I've no idea.

0:25:57 > 0:26:00- We have to remember everything we did.- Oh, I'll remember.

0:26:01 > 0:26:03Should we do it again just to make sure?

0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Really?- Mm-hm.

0:26:05 > 0:26:09That doctor was a genius.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12Oh, shit. What time is it?

0:26:12 > 0:26:13Seriously?

0:26:13 > 0:26:15We missed our show.

0:26:15 > 0:26:17- What show?- "What show"?

0:26:17 > 0:26:20Oh! Right, it's Saturday!

0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Ah, well.- Oh, yeah.

0:26:28 > 0:26:33Unbelievable. We lost to something called Storage Wars: Texas?

0:26:33 > 0:26:35Which was a repeat, by the way.

0:26:35 > 0:26:38We also lost to Wicked Tuna,

0:26:38 > 0:26:42Jerseylicious, Swamp People.

0:26:42 > 0:26:44Oh, shit. I missed Swamp People.

0:26:44 > 0:26:48- This is not good, you guys. - All right, but this is just the first week.

0:26:48 > 0:26:51They've got to give the audience a chance to find us.

0:26:51 > 0:26:54I mean, they've got to, right?