0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Please give me the job. - Since Sarah dumped him,
0:00:10 > 0:00:11he's had a lot of time on his hands.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16This would be my great-great-grandfather Charles
0:00:16 > 0:00:18in his military garb during the Civil War.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19But there's a button missing
0:00:19 > 0:00:21'Look at me in California.'
0:00:21 > 0:00:23You like cats?
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- They're the devil's spawn. - CAT MEOWS
0:00:26 > 0:00:29A couple of months ago, I didn't know that these people existed.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33The weather is sunny with a 40% chance of a home run!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34- Ow!- Oh, my gosh!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11PHONE RINGS
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Hello?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- Oh, hello. Is that Thomas Chadwick?- Yeah.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Hello. This is Brian.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Hi, Pete.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'm calling... You did...
0:01:23 > 0:01:24You know what gave it away
0:01:24 > 0:01:27was that you just sounded like yourself.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28'You didn't even put on a voice.'
0:01:28 > 0:01:30I did. I was doing a voice.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I was doing my insurance-person voice.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34'Anyway, how are you?'
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- I'm really great! - Are you in America?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Is it hot and sunny? Are there girls in bikinis?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- 'Have you got a suntan yet?'- Kind of.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Oh, lucky sod.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Anyway, I've got your mail here.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Oh, that's great. Thanks.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- 'Do you want me to go through it'- Uh...
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Crap, crap,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51'fast food, crap,'
0:01:51 > 0:01:53bollocks.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh, Clancy Lorimer Insurers?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Ooh. Open that one.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59All right.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01'Here we go.'
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Here we go. Here we go.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06"Dear Mr Chadwick..." Duh, duh, duh, duh.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08"We are pleased to inform you
0:02:08 > 0:02:10"that you have been selected to interview
0:02:10 > 0:02:12"for the position of crash analyst
0:02:12 > 0:02:14"in our crash investigation department."
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Get in!
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Get in, my beauty.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19That's great! When is it?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Uh, it's a week after you get back.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Bring that letter when you get in.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Yeah, all right.- When do you get in?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I'm flying into LA on the Thursday
0:02:28 > 0:02:29and I'm getting in about 10.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30OK, great.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33'Flying into LA. All right, then?'
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Are you there?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- 'Tom?'- Let's do this.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42'Tom? Are you there?'
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Tom?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Hello.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58- CAT MEOWS - Oh.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00OK.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03- Morning, Tom.- Hey.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- How'd you sleep? - Great. I slept great.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Good.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I was doing a little rummaging around the attic
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and look what I found.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Oh, it's Charles.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Yeah, your great-great-grandfather.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- That's so great. - In a different uniform.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- It is?- Yeah.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Oh, yeah. It's a little lighter.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25He's wearing the Confederacy uniform.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27That's the uniform for the other side.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Oh, that's not the same uniform? - No. No, no, no.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Oh, that's interesting. - Yeah, isn't it?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34You're sure it's not...? Maybe they just had different uniforms.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37No, no, no. Rebel cap, Rebel uniform.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38That's what it is.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Button missing, too, here.- Yeah.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43He's bad at needlework.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Maybe. Maybe.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Fascinating. - It's a mystery, is what it is.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Somebody here thinks it's a coincidence
0:03:56 > 0:03:58that he lost one button from each jacket?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- That part is interesting. - And then found them later?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Are these the actual buttons?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Those are the buttons. - Oh, my God, those are so pretty.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Well, that's why they're not on there, cos you guys have them.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10I've got another theory.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14He left two days after Lincoln was shot.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16How nice would it be to have
0:04:16 > 0:04:19two different uniforms to pass freely?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- You think he's a double agent? - Maybe triple.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24David, why don't you have a look at this?
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Well, I don't know much about the historical part of the war itself,
0:04:31 > 0:04:36but I do know that obviously he's a man in the Confederacy.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37And the thing I see
0:04:37 > 0:04:39more than anything else that I noticed,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42cos I'm not a uniform expert, is I look at his hands.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45We used to call this "gnarly hands".
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- Gnarly hands.- Gnarly hands, yeah.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50This is from fear... From fear of being in battle.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52When you're fighting,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55your hands get all kind of rigor-mortised like that.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59And, you know, in the old days, they'd say, "Hey, gnarly hands!"
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Across the street they'd yell at him.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02And he... That was embarrassing.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04But it's for a good cause,
0:05:04 > 0:05:05because, look, he has no ill will.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08He's a nice-looking boy. He's our relative.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I have heard the term "gnarly hands" before.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I actually have a friend that is...
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Well, I'm into this a little bit.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16A bit of a passion of mine is Civil War re-enactment.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- He's really good at it. - And really fun to do.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20You're living, you know, history.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23How does he have access to the opponent's uniform?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Let me talk to my buddy.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I've got to drop Julie off at her spinning class.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- If the hands comes up, great.- OK.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34But it would be great to know
0:05:34 > 0:05:36why he's wearing either of the things.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- Can I see that one, Dave? - I can promise you there's a reason.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- There they are. - Harvey, good to see you again.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Good to see you, pal. This is Tom. Tom!- That's right.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Nice to meet you. Come on in.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Thanks very much. I love the cannon.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Thanks. I just got it. It's an 1861 Napoleon.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Come on in, guys. Have a seat.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54I tell you, that cannon looks brand new.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Is that a new coat of paint? - It is. Doesn't it look good? - It looks great.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59And I got new 12-pounders for it, too.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Those 12-pounders fire off!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- When's the last time you fired it? - Once a weekend.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Yeah.- In the morning, early. Annoy the neighbours!
0:06:06 > 0:06:07- Yeah.- That's great.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Neighbours are the worst.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11You are not going to believe the stuff that Tom has to show you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- This stuff's incredible. - So this is a picture
0:06:15 > 0:06:17of my great-great-grandfather Charles Chadwick.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19All right, this is Charles Chadwick.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21OK. I see. A Union man. Good.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23But here is also a picture
0:06:23 > 0:06:26of my great-great-grandfather Charles Chadwick.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Well, that's very interesting.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30OK. Wow.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31And some buttons.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Really?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Now, I see he's missing a button on each uniform.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Yeah.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Yeah, there we go. Confederate and Union.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I want to look something up.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43I'm privy to an online site
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- that a lot of people don't get to see.- Oh, cool.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- They're almost like official war documents.- Do they look normal...?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50No, they don't look like anything you'd see,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52so it's kind of a waste of time.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Even taking a peek, it'd be spaghetti and mushrooms to you.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Let me do the grunt work here.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Charles Chadwick, there it is.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Union. Union soldier. Unlisted, yep.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And there, sure enough, Confederate.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Charles Chadwick.- Whoa.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Yeah, both sides.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Oh, wow, wow.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Oh. Look at this.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13OK, so, he fought for the Union side
0:07:13 > 0:07:15and the Confederate side,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17both in the same battle -
0:07:17 > 0:07:19the Battle of Huntersville.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21That's not even poss... How would you do that?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Yeah, what do you do? Excuse yourself to go change?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I'm just going to throw this out there.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Yeah.- What if he was a spy?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32A spy? But for who?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34You tell me. Your machine.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Well, I'll do what I can.- I'll put...
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- Put it in. - Oh, you know what I'm getting?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42And I've never got this.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- I got a question mark. - What does that mean?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46It doesn't know. It's never seen this before.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- You've jammed the whole system. - I'm getting synonyms.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I'm getting traitor, deserter, coward.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53OK. Don't bother. Don't worry.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54You know what? Let me dig into this.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58We've got a re-enactment coming up this weekend. Rick, what do you think?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Yeah, Tom, you got to do one of these.- It would be great. - This is the real thing.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- You're welcome to come. - I would love that. Thank you.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05If you do that, I'll show up with some information.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I'll tell you, where there's smoke, there's fire.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10And you got a blaze happening here, my friend.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It's so great you can come by and see our place here.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Yeah, this is great.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Come on in.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Ooh.- So...yeah, this is it.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Lovely.- This is it.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Isn't this great?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29You need to look no further than the ocean view.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Isn't that nice?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34No, see, there's a house in front of it.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38That... If the house wasn't... The tree blocks a little...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- and the house blocks most of it, but the ocean's right there. - Oh, right.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43So if that was an invisible house,
0:08:43 > 0:08:44that would be a sea view.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Hypothetically, sure. But if that house isn't there,
0:08:48 > 0:08:52180-degree view of the Pacific. It's why you pay California state tax right there.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Ah, lovely.- It's right there.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Can you feel the sea air just coming in?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- I think I can.- Yeah?- Yeah. But you can't see it. You can't see it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- Not at all. - But you really feel the ocean.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Look. A three-legged dog.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Actually, we get a lot of them here in Redondo Beach.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08It's really quite spectacular.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Hey, what do you think of my owls?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Oh, sweet Lord.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Yeah. They're pretty amazing. She'll name them all for you, if you want.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- You have so many owls. - Chachi's a new one.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Let me show you the stuff that we're taking to the re-enactment.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Check this out. I got some great stuff.- Show him Clover.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Clover's got the orange eyes that almost look like an infection.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- Come on, let me show you. - I'll make you guys some coffee.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31OK. Sounds good, hon. Thanks.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Hey, guys.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34This is the coolest spot in the whole house.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Holy moly!- Yeah.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37See this right here?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39This is an authentic replica
0:09:39 > 0:09:41of an actual Civil War blanket.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- A blanket.- Yeah. Isn't that amazing?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- That is something else. - Yeah, and this is a forage cap.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Oh.- Right here.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50The reason it's different than a kepi, because this actually, you would take...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Big gun!- It is, it is.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- That's actually a musket. - Oh, my God, it's heavy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- It is.- You could just... Agh!
0:09:56 > 0:10:00That would happen in war. You never know. Normally you would.... No, no.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Don't put your mouth near the barrel. Why don't we go and put that back.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I don't know for sure that's been cleared since my last battle.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- Great costumes.- Yeah.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Those actually aren't costumes. We refer to them as uniforms.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Yeah.- So take a gander, see what you think.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Ah, green.- Yeah, I can see why it stood out.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17This is actually a Union sharpshooter.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20You couldn't wear this, though. You would need to train extensively.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Even for the re-enactment? - Especially for...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- It's just make-believe. - We had a friend of ours,
0:10:24 > 0:10:27he's fine now, but they're... Hi.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- What's up?- We're out of coffee.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Wasn't it your turn to do the shopping?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Why would we be out of coffee? You have six hours a day to go shopping.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38How dare you? I don't. I have four hours a day to go shopping.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40K-Cups. Do we have any K-Cups left? Even that?
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Why don't I just run out and get us some coffees? - You don't need to do that.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46No coffee's better than a coffee-shop coffee.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Julie, we have no coffee?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- We've got milk.- OK.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I'll run out. You know what, I'd like to. Just get some fresh air
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- and take in some of that sea salt in my face.- That would be good. You would enjoy it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Then we can talk about the blanket. - Absolutely.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- The fact that you're making somebody do that.- It's fine.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- For coffee.- You honestly think I'm making him go get coffee?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09TYRES SCREECH
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Are you serious?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- What the hell is wrong with you? - What's wrong with you?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Are you fucking blind?!- You're stopping in the middle of the street!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21That's not the middle of the street. I'm at the red light. Just super. Thank you very much.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- What were you thinking? You turned right on the red.- No...!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Hey, er, sorry, sorry. I don't want to interrupt,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27but I did see what happened from the pavement there.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Please tell her. You turn right on a right-hand lane.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31This is what happened,
0:11:31 > 0:11:36What happened was that you were travelling between 11 and 13 miles per hour.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38You didn't leave adequate braking distance. She stopped at a red light
0:11:38 > 0:11:40and you didn't notice because you were texting.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- I was not texting. - You're still texting.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46I'm e-mailing to let people know I'm late because of what you just did.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- You're supposed to turn right on a red.- That sign actually means there's no right turn on red.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52What are you, the star witness traffic leprechaun or something?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Did you call me a leprechaun? - I called you a leprechaun.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Faith and Begorrah, you can't turn right on a red.- I'm twice the height of a leprechaun!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- You're a tall leprechaun. I need your information. - All right. Big neck!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Just take a step back.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05I might be too tall to be a leprechaun,
0:12:05 > 0:12:07but I'm exactly the right size and build
0:12:07 > 0:12:10to be in the British Special Forces, which I am.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13In Redondo Beach on a recon mission.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16But I can take ten minutes out to crush you like a twig
0:12:16 > 0:12:18if you don't just chill out,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21rein in the mythical racism,
0:12:21 > 0:12:25and be polite to the lady, who you just rear-ended.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29You know what? I don't have time for this.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31I'll pay for it. That's my information.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33OK, great. Good, yeah. That's more like it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Ha-ha.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Fuck.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- You all right? - Uh-huh, yeah. I, well...
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Yeah, I'm like that...
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Um... I'm not really in the Special Forces.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00I'm afraid of cats. But take my number.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01I could be a witness or something.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- Yeah?- Can you just hold those?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- Yeah.- You can take a sip.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Here it is. My name is Tom. - I'm Ally.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- Ally.- Yeah.- I've written Ally.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- That's my name, yeah.- Which is not my name, so that's a good start.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- Really, thank you for coming over. - Hey, don't worry.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22There you go. So just call me, Ally.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Uh, so, oh, coffee.- Thank you.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27I will try you.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31- Try me. I'm good to go.- OK.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- Thank you again. I... - At your service.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I'm not really in the army.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Honey, this package is incredible.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- It has a Turkish spa and it... - Knock, knock.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- Hey!- Hey.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Sorry, I'm so... These are going to be so cold.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53It's OK. I was a little worried about you,
0:13:53 > 0:13:54but I'm glad you made it back.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57No, I was fine. I was just... I had a...
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- I was enjoying the sea air. - That's what you should do.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02When you're on the water, that's what you do.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Hey, before I forget, let's get your uniform figured out.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Which one caught your eye?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08I don't care. The red one?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Oh, the Zouave. Good eye.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12That's going to be great for you.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Here you go, Tom. There's your musket.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20And my firearm.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Oh...
0:14:22 > 0:14:24I'm starting to get fired up, man.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- This is the time where I just really feel it.- Yeah.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28I mean, you're about to live history right here.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29I don't look like a Russian dancing bear?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31It's nothing like that. That's honoured.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- He does look like that. - That's 5th New York.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- This is an honoured regiment.- OK. - Let me give you a couple of things that'll make it a little more fun.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40You might have someone called a stitch Nazi, who'll want to pick over your outfit.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42You know, they might go over this or like this.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45"Oh, I don't like that because that's not proper."
0:14:45 > 0:14:47The obvious one is the sunglasses. That's farby.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50OK? Farby is "far from being authentic".
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- OK.- Yeah.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53And he's not wearing socks.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- It's just the size of the uniform. - It looks weird to me.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58It would cover. It would cover.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59- And then...- Gentlemen.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00- Hey!- Hello.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02General Krupp, how are you, sir?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Very good, sir.- Hi.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04A salute will be fine.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05- All right.- Yes.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Got some very exciting news about your great-great-grandfather.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12- That's great.- You know what? I've got to plan a battle. Maybe we can meet later.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13- You got it.- OK, excellent.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17There we go. Oh, you're going to lose the sunglasses and you've got no socks.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- Ma'am.- That's why I was saying something like that could happen,
0:15:20 > 0:15:21you know, pretty easily.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23We need to talk.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25What? We need to talk?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Hey, is there anywhere I could get a breakfast burrito?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Uh, yeah. Glen's Sutlery. Next to it is Rico's.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- He's usually got stuff like that. - OK, cool. You want anything?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- No, I'm good.- All right. See you later.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40What do we need to talk about?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I told you I wanted to be a nurse and I'm the only prostitute here.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44I think you look incredible.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I don't believe it. I don't look incredible.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- You look so hot.- No, I don't.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50No, it looks great.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- What the...? - You have got to be joking.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Look at yourself. You're going to make an ass of yourself.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- We can't have... - Now you may go. Just shut, OK?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01You're leaving and I am staying here.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02- I drove!- I'm the president!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- I'm not leaving. - You are free to go.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06- Let me tell you something. - I free you!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Emancipate this, motherfucker!
0:16:08 > 0:16:14- You want a piece of me?- Don't you fuckin' do that to me. I'm...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16You're out... You're out of here.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19That really hurts. That really hurts.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Colonel Rivers is going to march his battalion in.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24He's going to manoeuvre around, take a line at the fence.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Your Confederate division is going to attack the fence, which we will defend.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29- Harvey?- Yeah.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32This is all well and good, but when you take a hit, you got to go down.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- We're going to go there. - Seriously. We are.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36No, we go down. We go down every time.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39No, I've got guys that are driving in from Antioch for six hours
0:16:39 > 0:16:41and they're not going to go down in one second.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Very simply, more of your guys have to go down
0:16:43 > 0:16:45than my guys have to go down, because we win.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I understand that. There's nothing that kills a re-enactment quicker
0:16:48 > 0:16:50than live soldiers running around.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54You got to go down. How about killing a re-enactment by the drunkenness that you guys have last time?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56You were drinking so much, you didn't know where you were.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Guys were re-enacting battles from Braveheart, not the Civil War.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02And easy on the gunpowder in the cannons.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04They're setting off the car alarms and then I lose the permit.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05That was too much. We won't drink.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Yeah, I mean, it would be easy to scoff
0:17:08 > 0:17:10at the sight of hundreds of grown men
0:17:10 > 0:17:15putting on costumes and playing war, but I'm no different.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19My great-great-grandfather fought in this war
0:17:19 > 0:17:22where 600,000 men died.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24He fought for both sides.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Which is something I'll probably keep to myself.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32But the truth is they're here to remember.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36And there's nothing wrong with that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Sorry, I'm just keeping an eye on the queue for the corn dog stand.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Shoulder arms!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Forward march.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25To those of you who do not die,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28you will smell the bowels of death.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32For many of us will fall today.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I will not.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37But over time, most of you will die.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41So fear not death.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44In fact, turn to the proud soldier beside you
0:18:44 > 0:18:46and say, "So long."
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- So long.- So long, Rick.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52We are such a fine unit that we fear nothing.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56In fact, to us, we are so confident, we whistle,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00whistle tunes that give us comfort and courage.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05Let me hear you whistle. THEY WHISTLE
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Music, gentlemen. Music.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Fire!
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Fire!
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Fire! Company, charge!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Keep in line, keep in line.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- We're going to kill them? - Yeah. Don't point.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- I feel my hay fever kicking in. - Yeah, that'll be fine later.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Rear rank, ready!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Fire!- Jesus Christ!
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Ready, aim...
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- Firing by battalion.- Fire!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Front rank, ready! - Here we go. That's us.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Aim!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- Fire!- Whoa!
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- Load quickly, gentlemen.- Oh, shit.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Oh, yeah, it's... Oh! - Firing by battalion.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Oh, Jesus!- You all right?- Fire!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You got hit.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55OK. Oh, no!
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Oh, no!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Fire!- Yeah, it's the ticker.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- It's good, isn't it? - Shh, you're dead. You're dead.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Did you see my death? - OK. Yeah, I saw it. Don't talk.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Fire!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- That was fun.- Yeah.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- Everybody's so serious, though. - Yeah, but you're dead now.- OK.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Dying.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- How long do we have to pretend to be dead?- You got to be quiet.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- I have to pee.- No, you don't go to the bathroom during the battle.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28There's a Portaloo right there.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I'm going to go do a little pee and a little poo.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- No, don't do it.- I'll be right back.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34No, Tom. PHONE RINGS
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- Oh, shoot.- What is that?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Oh, come on!- It's all right.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Hello?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Hey, Bea! Everything all right?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45No, I'm just going mental here.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47She's contemplating suicide.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48No, it's not that bad, but, I mean,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- London's just a stinkhole.- Yeah.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55I've decided to come out with Pete and visit you in LA.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Oh, OK.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Yeah, no, that's fine.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00I'll just... let me make sure with Al and Kitty
0:21:00 > 0:21:02that you can stay with them, but that should be fine.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Shh, shh, shh.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07No, it's not. It's, um, it's war here.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Sorry, I can't hear you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12There's, like, bombs or something, sounds like, on the line.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- I'm being shot at.- Hang up.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Get off.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19No, no, it's just I'm supposed to be dead,
0:21:19 > 0:21:20so I have to be quiet.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Is he on drugs? OK, I'll see you soon.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26All right. Cheerio.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- That was my sister Bea. - I got it. Just be quiet.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- She's coming over. You'll meet her.- OK, yeah.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- I'm going to go and do a pee. - No, no. Don't go. You're dead.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- Here's what will happen.- You can't.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'm just going to go over and do a wee and then come back.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Seriously, don't even think about it.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Nature. It's nature.- Come here.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43I'll never get invited back. Come here!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Oh, flip.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- This is just silly.- All right.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- Twiddly dums in here. - Have a seat, prisoner.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09All right. This is ludicrous. I mean, you didn't even tie these.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- You put that back on! - All right.- Shut your mouth.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I caught 'em rollin' around in the field, squirrely, like.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16We were not doing anything in the field.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- I just want to use the bathroom. - He had to go to the bathroom.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Yankee trash.- That's just rude.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22We're all just trying to have a nice day.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- Don't you eyeball me. - This is a civil war.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Can you try and be civil?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Ow, ow, ow.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Oh!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Oh!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Murdered by a common camp whore.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I am going to school for oceanography, OK?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41And I wanted to be a nurse.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- So...- That was incredible.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I always knew that you would kill for me.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Well enjoined, sir. Well enjoined.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09General Bukowsky, a fine day, yes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Yes, well, we may have lost the battle, but...
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Lost it, yeah.- Anyway.- Mm-hmm.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Can I ask you something?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Is it hard to keep doing the same battle
0:23:19 > 0:23:21when you know that you're on the wrong side?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Sir?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Well, you're pro-slavery, you know what I mean?
0:23:25 > 0:23:30Sir, you came into our homes, you ate our chickens,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32and you sucked the teats of our cows.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35And you were not invited.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Not invited.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You have a good day, Phil.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Why'd you go there?- Somebody told me he was a hairdresser.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Yeah, he is. He's a great hairdresser.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48But here, he's a general.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51OK, I got something for you, all right?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53In here I have two intercepted letters
0:23:53 > 0:23:55from your great-great-grandfather
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and I have a photo,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00a photo of your great-great-grandmother.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I think this will explain everything.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Oh, that's so great. Thank you.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05- You're very welcome.- Sir!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I bow to you.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Why, why do you do this?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- It just feels right in the outfit. - I guess so.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12A gold mine.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14A gold mine, I tell you, Al.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Just the information we've got.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20In this one, it explains the whole uniform thing.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Essentially, Charles lived in Washington, DC,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25and he fell in love with Rebecca, who was in Virginia.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27And then the Civil War broke out.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- OK.- And they were separated.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32So to get through enemy lines,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35he got both uniforms. Didn't really care who won the war.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- Don't know why.- So he went out
0:24:37 > 0:24:38and got two totally different outfits
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and then went to be with her?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Exactly.- And did she know that he did all that changing?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- She didn't know that. - That's so romantic.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46- That is so sweet.- How cute is that?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- That's really sweet. - That's a sweet story.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50To change his outfit like that for her.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- Yeah.- And then where'd they go? Did they get married?
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Well, OK, this is interesting.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58This is a letter from Charles to Rebecca.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00April 4th, 1862.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03"My dearest, upon receiving your letter,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06"the dark skies have given way to sunshine."
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Oh, my God, it was so rainy and everything.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13"I cannot, however, forget the unforgivable manner
0:25:13 > 0:25:17"in which my father and mother have cast dispersions on you.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19"To have said, 'She is of mixed blood
0:25:19 > 0:25:22"and therefore outside the purview of our class,'
0:25:22 > 0:25:26"incites the most foul emotions within me.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28"We must therefore leave this wretched place
0:25:28 > 0:25:32"and marry in a new land which welcomes us."
0:25:32 > 0:25:33So, like, they eloped.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- They eloped.- That is so sweet.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38That's... That's one explanation.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Well, look at this.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- She's just beautiful.- Yeah.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45So they went to England and they took the horse with her?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47She looks very attached to it.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48I've got to tell you, Kitty, I don't have
0:25:48 > 0:25:50as much information as I'd like about the horse.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52This is interesting.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55The shadow falling from the horse
0:25:55 > 0:25:57is headed that way,
0:25:57 > 0:25:59and then there's shadows from those bushes
0:25:59 > 0:26:02going in what seems to be the opposite direction.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05You know, when I was on the battlefield today,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I saw a lot of things.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I saw life happen. I saw death happen.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I saw people pissing themselves willy-nilly.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16And it's sad to think
0:26:16 > 0:26:21we thought that Charles had dodged that.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23We thought that our great-grandfather
0:26:23 > 0:26:26was some kind of a coward, a turncoat,
0:26:26 > 0:26:29but we were wrong.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32He was a big old romantic.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34And brave as a boot.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39And I think that he'd be proud to know
0:26:39 > 0:26:42that that particular fruit didn't fall far from the tree.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Because when a Chadwick sees fear...
0:26:49 > 0:26:51he doesn't run.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55He looks it in the eye
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- and he... - HE SNEEZES
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Fuck off.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04# When I found you I found myself
0:27:04 > 0:27:09# I was going to love you Like nobody else
0:27:09 > 0:27:13# But I never really had a clue
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# How to love a girl like you
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Two true believers
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# We devised
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# A temporary paradise
0:27:26 > 0:27:30# Now our future is in the past
0:27:30 > 0:27:33# I should have known
0:27:33 > 0:27:37# It wouldn't last
0:27:37 > 0:27:41# I should have been a better man
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# You could have been a better friend
0:27:45 > 0:27:49# I'm alone, but that's OK
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# I guess the dice
0:27:51 > 0:27:56# Just rolled that way. #
0:27:56 > 0:28:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd