0:00:02 > 0:00:05For the next 15 seconds at least, you're watching Fast and Loose!
0:00:05 > 0:00:11On the show tonight, he's just passed a late fitness test - Justin Edwards.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17She's back and this time it's personal - Jess Ransom.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22He ate the thinking woman's crumpet - Greg Davies.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26He's the third tallest Humphrey of all time - Humphrey Ker.
0:00:27 > 0:00:32He's your friend and mine, but more yours - David Armand.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36And this week's charity competition winner - Marek Larwood.
0:00:36 > 0:00:43And, finally, would you please welcome your host. A man who sounds a lot like me - Hugh Dennis!
0:00:50 > 0:00:56Hello and welcome to the show. Tonight we'll be improvising scenes, sketches and TV spoofs
0:00:56 > 0:01:00and picking our performers' brains, so let's play Fast and Loose!
0:01:04 > 0:01:08To kick things off, let's play Speed Dating.
0:01:08 > 0:01:14It's a game for all our performers, so all head over here. This is the part of the show
0:01:14 > 0:01:21where they pretend to be single and desperate as they act out terrible things to say when speed dating.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24So, if you're ready.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Off we go.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I-I've got GSOH,
0:01:31 > 0:01:35which is a General Smell of Haddock. LAUGHTER
0:01:36 > 0:01:41If you're looking for a fiery lover, you have come to the right place!
0:01:41 > 0:01:46I have rubbed my genitals with jalapeno peppers. BUZZ
0:01:46 > 0:01:53If I'm absolutely honest, I like boys AND girls. What are you?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58You've got such amazing eyes.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I WANT THEM FOR MY COLLECTION!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03BUZZ
0:02:03 > 0:02:07People are always saying to me, "You're mad, you are!
0:02:07 > 0:02:12"You're nuts! You're crazy! What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?"
0:02:12 > 0:02:16I've got, uh, a full tub of Vaseline
0:02:16 > 0:02:20and a half-shaven cat and my mum doesn't come back until Monday. BUZZ
0:02:23 > 0:02:30I'm looking for someone warm and funny. Perhaps a recently-dead clown.
0:02:33 > 0:02:39If I had to describe myself as an animal, I suppose I'm like an old Labrador.
0:02:39 > 0:02:45You know, I dribble a bit and my erection looks like a pink lipstick.
0:02:49 > 0:02:55Generally speaking, people I've been with on a date have complimented me on my impeccable manners.
0:02:55 > 0:03:01I do have one unfortunate characteristic. I poo myself if I ever hear a buzzer.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03BUZZ
0:03:07 > 0:03:13So if you and I hit it off you'd be the first person I'd slept with that I wasn't related to!
0:03:17 > 0:03:22I'm a little bit of a ladies man. By that I mean I'm a mid-op transsexual.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26BUZZ
0:03:26 > 0:03:29You know that song Three Times A Lady?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33That's how I like them. Obese. BUZZ
0:03:36 > 0:03:42I lost both my knees in a terrible skiing accident last year, but I seem to be coping fine.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- BUZZ - Thank you very much!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Well done, everyone.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Now we come to the part of the show that I call Heckle.
0:03:57 > 0:04:03I ask the performers to recall the very worst heckle they've had to contend with.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08- Anyone?- I, genuinely, when I was doing stand-up in Glasgow
0:04:08 > 0:04:12got heckled with a line that I can't do justice. You can do Glaswegian.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- Yes.- I'll tell you the line and you deliver it for me.
0:04:16 > 0:04:23The line was, "Get off the stage. You are a six foot eight tower of steaming piss."
0:04:25 > 0:04:31- GLASWEGIAN: - Get off the stage! You're a 6'8" steaming tower of piss!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Anyone else?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I was performing in an arts centre in Devon
0:04:43 > 0:04:50and they genuinely said, "You'll have to stop. No one knows who you are and we need to do the raffle."
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- LAUGHTER - Thank you!
0:04:56 > 0:05:02Our next game is called Weak Links and this involves Justin, Jess, Greg and Humphrey.
0:05:02 > 0:05:09If you'd like to get into position. This is, of course, our version of Anne Robinson's finest hour.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13I will play the host, Anne. The rest of you are contestants.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18To spice things up a bit, we'll give you a character to play.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Justin is a man writing a letter to Points of View.
0:05:21 > 0:05:26Jess, you are characters from Downton Abbey.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- Greg is a scary French teacher. - LAUGHTER
0:05:33 > 0:05:38- Humphrey, you're trying to be street. So... - LAUGHTER
0:05:38 > 0:05:41So let's get on with the game.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Let's meet our contestants. Who are you and how are you?
0:05:50 > 0:05:57I am disgusted of Tunbridge Wells and I am appalled by the filth, abuse and foreign people on the BBC.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02- And you, how are you?- Nobody's asked me a question directly before, sir.
0:06:02 > 0:06:08I shouldn't even be up here. Mrs Patmore is going to kill me! You won't see me again.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11And you, tall man?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18LAUGHTER
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I can stare longer than you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27And you, sir, at the end.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Yo! Word up, H-Fresh.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- Right...- It's literally bare banging to be here.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43- I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about.- Me neither.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47In the meantime, let's play Weak Links.
0:06:48 > 0:06:56- The principal characters in the book Watership Down are what types of creature?- Sorry, can you repeat it?
0:06:56 > 0:07:01- The principal characters...- Repeats! This is all we get on this channel! LAUGHTER
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Over and over again.
0:07:06 > 0:07:13You - what B is the cake covered in marzipan with the pink and cream coloured chequered inside?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17You ghastly little man! How dare you ask a question!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21The Lady Dowager does not play games!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23What do you expect?
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Next you'll find me dining in the pantry in the servants' quarters!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Disgusting! Oh...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40You.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- What number US President is Barack...- Silence!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Ecoutez!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Et repetez.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Ou est la chavelle?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- La chavelle?- Oui, la chavelle.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Ou est la chavelle? LAUGHTER
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Non! Elle est dans le jardin!
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Which football club play at Craven Cottage - Craven Utd or Fulham?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Actually, I live there. It's Fulham.
0:08:21 > 0:08:27I mean, yo, I don't know, dog. If it ain't Brixton, it ain't no...thing.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33The answer is indeed Fulham. What fruit juice is in a pina colada?
0:08:33 > 0:08:40Oh, once again, why oh why must I have the word penis repeatedly thrust down my throat
0:08:40 > 0:08:46- on British television? - I wasn't planning on thrusting my penis down your throat. You...
0:08:46 > 0:08:51What would you famously find in the caves of Lascaux in France?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I know the answer to that question. And why shouldn't I?
0:08:55 > 0:09:00Why shouldn't women know all answers to all questions as well as men?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I'm wearing trousers!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- You...- Alors!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Question -
0:09:08 > 0:09:11ou est le pamplemousse?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I ask the questions here.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Non! Ecoutez!
0:09:17 > 0:09:22Ou est le pamplemousse? Oui, le pamplemousse est grand. Oui?
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- Ou est le pamplemousse? - In a minute...- NON!
0:09:27 > 0:09:32Il est dans le bibliotheque! LAUGHTER
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Can you actually speak French?
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Non!
0:09:43 > 0:09:48In slang, if a pony is £25, how much is a monkey?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51What? What?
0:09:51 > 0:09:57No! Don't try to stop me! I will just keep going until you stop me talking!
0:09:57 > 0:10:03- I'm afraid at the end of the round I've randomly decided to get rid of Greg. Goodbye.- Zut alors!
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Ah, mais... ou est le cochon?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Eh? Le petit cochon.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Eh?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16C'est dans le...
0:10:16 > 0:10:18C'est dans le...
0:10:19 > 0:10:21..de patisserie.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Well, that's it from me.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Good night.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:32 > 0:10:37Now we come to the part of the show that I call Race Horse Name.
0:10:37 > 0:10:44I ask the performers to imagine that they own a race horse and to come up with the best name for it. David?
0:10:44 > 0:10:50Em, well, if I had a race horse, I'd probably just... name it after my mother.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54And her name is Steel Bullet the Third.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Marek?
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Well, I would name my race horse after my granddad.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05So I would call it...Granddad.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07LAUGHTER
0:11:11 > 0:11:18- Justin?- If I had a horse I would call it Pony Blair and I would have it shot.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Well, thank you very much.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Next we play a game called Interpretative Dance.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31Taking part are Jess, Humphrey and David. David, come over here.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Humphrey, if you could get into position. Now the way this works is
0:11:36 > 0:11:42we play a popular song and ask our interpretative dancer, David, to illustrate the lyrics
0:11:42 > 0:11:49through the medium of dance. Jess and Humphrey will wear headphones and are unable to hear the music.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53They have to guess the song and the artist purely from the mime.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58I'll just check you can't hear me. Can you hear me? Right.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Are you ready, David?- I think so. - Off we go.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05INTRO PLAYS
0:12:08 > 0:12:12PHIL COLLINS: # I need love, love Oh, to ease my mind
0:12:12 > 0:12:15# Oh, and I need to find time
0:12:15 > 0:12:18# Someone to call mine My mama said
0:12:18 > 0:12:23# You can't hurry love No, you'll just have to wait
0:12:23 > 0:12:28# She said love don't come easy It's a game of give and take
0:12:28 > 0:12:32# You can't hurry love No, you'll just have to wait
0:12:33 > 0:12:38# Just trust in the good times No matter how long it takes
0:12:38 > 0:12:43# How many heartaches must I stand
0:12:43 > 0:12:47# Before I find the love to let me live again
0:12:47 > 0:12:52# The only thing that keeps me hanging on
0:12:52 > 0:12:56# When I feel my strength Oh, it's almost gone
0:12:56 > 0:13:00# I remember Mama said You can't hurry love
0:13:00 > 0:13:05# No, you just have to wait She said love don't come easy
0:13:05 > 0:13:07# It's a game of give and take
0:13:07 > 0:13:09# How long must I wait
0:13:09 > 0:13:12# How much more must I take
0:13:12 > 0:13:15# Before loneliness
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# Will cause my heart to break
0:13:18 > 0:13:22# No I can't bear to live my life alone
0:13:22 > 0:13:26# I've grown impatient for a love to call my own
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# When I feel that I
0:13:29 > 0:13:32# I can't go on
0:13:32 > 0:13:36# Well, these precious words keep me hanging on
0:13:36 > 0:13:39# I remember mama said You can't hurry love
0:13:39 > 0:13:44# No, you just have to wait She said love don't come easy
0:13:44 > 0:13:47# It's a game of give and take
0:13:47 > 0:13:52# You can't hurry love No, you'll just have to wait
0:13:52 > 0:13:57# Just trust in the good times No matter how long it takes
0:13:57 > 0:13:59# And now break... #
0:13:59 > 0:14:01CHEERING
0:14:02 > 0:14:04So...
0:14:06 > 0:14:12I know what it is. It's... I think I'm right that it's the popular Christmas carol
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- O Come All Ye Faithful. Am I right?- Very good.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Now then...
0:14:20 > 0:14:24You? No... Run?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- Hurry?- Yes! - You...Can't Hurry Love!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Oh, well done!
0:14:29 > 0:14:34- Pow!- Thanks and thank you to David Armand!
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Now we come to that part of the show I like to call Biggest Regret.
0:14:44 > 0:14:51I try to find out a bit more about our performers by eliciting from them their biggest regret. Justin?
0:14:51 > 0:14:57Er, leaving my DNA at the crime scene, Hugh. LAUGHTER
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- Greg?- My biggest regret was two bathrooms and a kitchen.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Sorry, that was re-grout.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Marek?
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Um, aged seven, I chose to become a boy.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18LAUGHTER
0:15:19 > 0:15:22And, er, Humphrey?
0:15:22 > 0:15:28My biggest regret, Hugh, is never giving my first girlfriend a good reason for why we should break up.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32So now I'm married to her.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Thank you, everyone.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43It's time now for an educational game we call Right Way, Wrong Way.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Humphrey, Justin, Jess and Greg, make your way over here, please.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53They will show us the best and worst ways to behave in a job interview.
0:15:53 > 0:15:59Greg and Jess, you'll show us the right way. Greg, you're the applicant and Jess the interviewer.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Humphrey and Justin, you'll show us the wrong way.
0:16:03 > 0:16:10Justin's the applicant and Humphrey the interviewer. Right, let's start with greeting.
0:16:10 > 0:16:16- Hello there, sir.- Oh, hello. Thank you so much for seeing me. I'm really grateful.
0:16:16 > 0:16:23- I've been an admirer of your company for 39 years.- Wow. I'm pleased to see that.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27And your CV is glowing. I'm pleased to welcome you.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31It already feels, if you don't mind me saying, like home.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36So that's the right way. Now Humphrey and Justin show us the wrong way.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Ah. Ohh. All right, Specs?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Who told you to sit down,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47you piece of piss?
0:16:47 > 0:16:53That's the wrong way. Now undergoing the interview is the next stage.
0:16:53 > 0:17:01Jess maintains a relaxed atmosphere and Greg demonstrates his complete suitability for the vacancy.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03LAUGHTER
0:17:04 > 0:17:09You've got a lot of experience. What was your last job?
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- I was the shoemaker.- The shoemaker? Tell me some more about that.
0:17:13 > 0:17:20- I call myself The Shoemaker, but I was one of four.- So you like working as part of a team?
0:17:20 > 0:17:25I very much like that, particularly if it is headed up by a woman.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30So that's the right way, quite obviously.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Now Humphrey and Justin will show us the wrong way.
0:17:34 > 0:17:40I brought you... Well, it's not really a CV. It's a page I've torn out of a porn mag, but...
0:17:40 > 0:17:45- it does show you what I've been up to for the last few months. - LAUGHTER
0:17:45 > 0:17:47So that's the...
0:17:47 > 0:17:51So that is...apparently the wrong way.
0:17:51 > 0:17:57The final stage, of course, is finding out if you've been successful. Here's the right way.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02See how Greg reacts with immense decorum and self-possession.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Well, with your background in shoemaking and your positive approach
0:18:06 > 0:18:13you're definitely somebody we'd like to welcome into the family of our company. Congratulations.
0:18:13 > 0:18:19- You're hired.- Thank you so much. I'll be honest. My instinct is to kiss you passionately,
0:18:19 > 0:18:23but that's inappropriate, so I will shake your hand and leave.
0:18:23 > 0:18:30That's the right way. Now Humphrey and Justin are going to show us the wrong way.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Have I got it or what?
0:18:33 > 0:18:38Not only have you not got it, but I've deported your family. LAUGHTER
0:18:40 > 0:18:44That is the wrong way! Thank you very much.
0:18:48 > 0:18:55Hey, everyone, it's party time. This is the part of the show where I chillax.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00When the music stops, the performers have to say something pretentious.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02So, em, cue the music.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05PARTY MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:10 > 0:19:17If I had to choose between truffle oil and oxygen... I'd choose truffle oil.
0:19:21 > 0:19:27Well, cheesecloth keeps its shape, but hessian is that much more fragrant.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35If I drive three nails through my dick,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I can make half a ladder.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Em...
0:19:56 > 0:19:58We drank each other.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Disgusting, to be honest.
0:20:06 > 0:20:13The other day I forgot my bag for life. I just cried right there in Waitrose!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21AFRICAN CHANT
0:20:24 > 0:20:28Or, as you probably call it. salad cream.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Thank you very much.
0:20:36 > 0:20:43Right, our next game is Dragon's Lair, our version of a popular BBC2 business programme.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Humphrey and Jess are the judges. Come and join me.
0:20:47 > 0:20:53The other performers will be showcasing their inventions. I will play the presenter.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57David and Greg, it's time to impress the dragons.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00This is your invention.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I don't know what that is.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08So if you work out what it is and then pitch it to the dragons.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13- Hello, dragons.- Awright? - My name is...Jeremy.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19And my name's Steve and I have never met him before.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24I was just walkin' doon the street and he just grabbed hold of us
0:21:24 > 0:21:28and brought us in here. I have no idea why!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I don't like Geordies. I'm out.
0:21:31 > 0:21:38- Funny you should say that. - Keep going.- You have rather stumbled upon what my device is.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42This is my patented Geordie catcher.
0:21:42 > 0:21:49As you know, it's perfectly unacceptable to find Geordies roaming the streets anywhere...
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's a joke, man! A joke, man.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- A joke!- So...
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- He's got so many bloody catchphrases. - Ant and Dec!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59See?
0:22:00 > 0:22:07- Anywhere but Newcastle, they should be tethered. - Me dad's Jimmy Nail!
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- How does the device work?- What's an acceptable way to behave at weddings?
0:22:11 > 0:22:19- I think probably... just take out my pockets and... - And I've got him! I've got him!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Cheryl Cole! Cheryl Cole, man!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26And I've got him.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Cheryl...
0:22:29 > 0:22:36Right, when you've actually... If you must, give him applause. If you must.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Now, Jeremy, what are the practical applications of a tethered Geordie?
0:22:43 > 0:22:48- What can I use him for? - Well...- Sting!- I'm sorry.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51He shouldn't be able to speak by this point.
0:22:53 > 0:22:59- So...- Peter Beardsley! - If you've got your Geordie fully tethered,
0:22:59 > 0:23:05- it's really easy to take him outside and humanely destroy him. - So, Dragons...
0:23:05 > 0:23:10I only wear my pants when I go out in the snow, man!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- OK...- You've cut off the blood from me face!
0:23:13 > 0:23:18- Are you in or out, Humphrey? - Kevin Keegan!
0:23:18 > 0:23:23I'm out, I'm afraid. I like Geordies. They're quite like me.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Deborah? Are you in or out?
0:23:25 > 0:23:32I would say that I am almost going to definitely say yes, but I would like you to branch out
0:23:32 > 0:23:38- into some kind of tether for people from Birmingham. - How do you feel that went?
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- You, Greg, and Joe McElderry here. How are you...?- Yeah?
0:23:43 > 0:23:49Well, I personally am quite keen to quickly distance myself from this piece of improvisation
0:23:49 > 0:23:52as I'm going to Newcastle next week! LAUGHTER
0:23:52 > 0:23:54That's fantastic!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Thank you very much.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59CHEERING
0:24:08 > 0:24:14Now we move on to a game called Sideways Scene for Justin, Marek and our guest performer -
0:24:14 > 0:24:17please welcome Pippa Evans!
0:24:20 > 0:24:27Now off you go, please. This game takes place in the special area behind the set
0:24:27 > 0:24:31and you will perform a scene in different genres suggested by me.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35But you'll be doing it lying down on our magic mat.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40We'll relay the pictures to the audience on the big screen.
0:24:40 > 0:24:46Now the scenario is that Pippa is a bride having a dress fitted by designer Justin.
0:24:46 > 0:24:52And her gangster fiance Marek comes to the door with a gunshot wound to the leg
0:24:53 > 0:24:58because he's on the run from the police. So...
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Nice and simple. If you're ready, off you go.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06- Why don't you just stand on the chair and I'll measure it up?- OK.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Just over there.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Yeah, just pop yourself on there.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Whoo! - I'll just...just kneel down.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Oh, I'm so sorry!
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Maybe if you come up on the chair with me...
0:25:24 > 0:25:29- Do you know what? I ought to check it from the other side.- OK.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Yes, em...
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- I do hope my husband isn't here! - That's all right.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40- So when is the wedding?- Cor blimey! Them rozzers are on me tail!
0:25:40 > 0:25:44There's blood pouring out my leg, so there is!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46I'll get the door, shall I?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49KNOCKING
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Ohhh!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- Quick!- I'm trying!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Quickly! Open the door.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Let me in!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Come in. Ooh!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- Goodness me.- Oh, me leg!
0:26:06 > 0:26:13- Watch out for them rozzers! - Freeze! We're going to change the genre now to a poltergeist.
0:26:13 > 0:26:18You've brought a malevolent spirit into the house!
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Oooh! Oooh!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Aaaaieee!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24It's possessed him!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28I think I'm all right. No! Aaargh!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Ah!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Help me! Someone help me!
0:26:39 > 0:26:45OK, freeze again, please. And change genre now to Jackie Chan.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- AS JACKIE CHAN: - Don't ever mess with me again!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- Ooh!- Wa-ha-ow!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Argh!
0:26:59 > 0:27:04Freeze again, please. We're going to change genre to The Great Escape.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Quick, down here!
0:27:09 > 0:27:13That's it. You can get over this fence on your motorbike.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Vroom! Vroom!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21I've found a tunnel, chaps!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23APPLAUSE
0:27:25 > 0:27:28You're brilliant!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33APPLAUSE
0:27:35 > 0:27:40OK, freeze again, please, and now change genre to Transformers.
0:27:40 > 0:27:45- MAKES ROBOT NOISES - Let's dig her out of the ground.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I'm special hat bot.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51LAUGHTER
0:27:51 > 0:27:55This is the worst hat robot I've ever come across!
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- Please, hat bot, no more! - It's transocock!
0:28:01 > 0:28:06OK, freeze again! And now we're going to go for King Kong.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08- I've got you now!- Aaaiee!
0:28:08 > 0:28:13It's all right, bird. I'm in the helicopter.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- Argh!- Aaaiee!
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Aaargh!
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Thank you! Thank you very much!
0:28:25 > 0:28:31Thank you to all of you. Come back now. Special thanks to Pippa Evans!
0:28:31 > 0:28:34APPLAUSE
0:28:39 > 0:28:45That's all we have time for tonight. Thanks to Justin Edwards, David Armand, Humphrey Ker,
0:28:45 > 0:28:51Jess Ransom, Marek Larwood and Greg Davies.
0:28:52 > 0:28:58And good night from me, Hugh Dennis. We'll see you next time we play Fast and Loose.
0:29:06 > 0:29:11Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:29:12 > 0:29:14Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk