0:00:02 > 0:00:07Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 40 seconds at least, you're watching Fast And Loose.
0:00:07 > 0:00:13On the show tonight, he's allergic to it, yet strangely attracted to fish - Justin Edwards.
0:00:13 > 0:00:18Just back from a successful tour of Category "A" women's prisons - Pippa Evans.
0:00:19 > 0:00:24He's 48-26-36 and all man - Greg Davies!
0:00:25 > 0:00:31He's a riddle wrapped in an enigma and drizzled in olive oil - Humphrey Ker!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Call me Ishmael, but call her Laura Solon.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Oh, no, no, not him -
0:00:37 > 0:00:40it's Marek Larwood!
0:00:40 > 0:00:46And finally, would you please welcome your host, a man who sounds a lot like me - Hugh Dennis!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Hello and welcome to the show.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Tonight, we'll be improvising scenes, sketches and TV spoofs
0:00:58 > 0:01:04and picking our performers' brains on an array of topics, so let's play Fast And Loose.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Right, to kick things off, let's play a game called Speed Dating.
0:01:13 > 0:01:19This is a game for all our performers, so if you could head over to the performance zone.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24You have to imagine the impossibility that you're all desperate and single
0:01:24 > 0:01:29as we ask you to act out terrible things to say at a speed dating event. So off we go...
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I'm actually a bodybuilder.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I built this one out of Turkish Delight and chips.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39BUZZER
0:01:39 > 0:01:43I'm looking for someone that really loves dogs.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47And I mean really loves dogs.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48BUZZER
0:01:48 > 0:01:53I didn't really want to come tonight, to be honest, but Tony said it was a good idea.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Didn't you, Tony?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57BUZZER
0:01:57 > 0:02:02I'm just looking for a real man because I find sex with wooden ones give you splinters.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04BUZZER
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Describe myself in three words?
0:02:06 > 0:02:11OK, um...violent, insecure and barren.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13BUZZER
0:02:13 > 0:02:18Um...ideally, I'm looking for a mermaid
0:02:18 > 0:02:22or someone who can cope with a consistent bed-wetter.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25BUZZER
0:02:25 > 0:02:29With me, what you see is what you get. You can read me like a book.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31And that book is Mein Kampf... No!
0:02:31 > 0:02:34BUZZER
0:02:34 > 0:02:38What animal would I say I was? Well, probably an elephant.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Thick-skinned, has a good memory
0:02:41 > 0:02:44and giant grey testicles.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46BUZZER
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Yes, the ladies call me "the donkey".
0:02:49 > 0:02:55Not that it does me any good these days. You have to hit it with nettles to get anything out of it.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02I want a husband, but I don't want kids, right, cos childbirth is pretty much impossible.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I did some experiments at my house this morning
0:03:05 > 0:03:10and basically, anything bigger than a My Little Pony gets jammed.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12BUZZER
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I'm very romantic, like.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I once bought a lady a nice rose.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I say "bought", I stole it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I say "rose", it was a dead swan.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24BUZZER
0:03:26 > 0:03:28MAKES "BUZZER" SOUND
0:03:29 > 0:03:31MAKES "BUZZER" SOUND
0:03:31 > 0:03:34BUZZER SOUNDS, HE MIMICS BUZZER
0:03:38 > 0:03:40APPLAUSE
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Thank you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:51This is the part of the show that I think we should call Favourite Word
0:03:51 > 0:03:57because I'm going to ask our performers to tell me their absolute favourite word.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00So what's your favourite word? Anyone?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02My favourite word is...
0:04:02 > 0:04:04"acquittal".
0:04:04 > 0:04:06LAUGHTER
0:04:06 > 0:04:09And I hope it works out for you. Anyone else?
0:04:09 > 0:04:15Well, Hugh, I come from a very wealthy family, so my favourite word is "bereavement".
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Thank you very much.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27Now we're going to play a game called 7-Up. This is for Humphrey, Justin, Laura, Greg and Marek.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30So come on down here, please.
0:04:30 > 0:04:36This is inspired by the long-running documentary series following ordinary people through their lives.
0:04:36 > 0:04:42I'll be taking the part of the interviewer asking questions of characters played by the performers
0:04:42 > 0:04:44at seven-yearly intervals.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49So, Justin and Humphrey, you are Peter Pan and Wendy.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Wendy.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Laura, you're an EastEnders character.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Greg and Marek, you're a boy and his imaginary friend.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05OK, so you're now seven years old. So, Peter Pan and Wendy, what's it like being seven for you?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09HIGH VOICE: It's seven for me every day and always will be.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14- That's the way I like it. Right, Wendy? - Yes, I'm having a tremendous time.
0:05:14 > 0:05:20Peter has stolen me from my bedroom and made me go on an adventure with him.
0:05:20 > 0:05:26- It's really great.- Should I be worried?- No, I'm taking you to Neverland, but not that one.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Laura, you're seven years old. What do you want to do with your life?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36My life is an on-running drama.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38My mum is not my mum.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41She's mothered five kids by seven different fathers.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Then there's two gay doctors, a dog, a fat one that plays the trumpet.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I don't know what's going on!
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Now, Greg, Marek...- Hello, Hugh.
0:05:53 > 0:05:59- You're very well-spoken for a seven-year-old. - Tell him you'll ask the questions.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03- I can't tell him that. He's the host of the show.- You'll do what I say.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07How can I possibly...
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- How can I possibly tell him? I'm only seven.- I'll tell him...
0:06:13 > 0:06:19Miraculously, seven years have now passed. You're all now 14 years old.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Peter Pan?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I'm not 14. I'm still seven.
0:06:23 > 0:06:29Yeah, tell me about it! I want to go up the precinct and hang out and go shopping. He's just a bit weird.
0:06:29 > 0:06:35I thought we could go fly around the pirate ship and maybe throw some berries at them.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Pirate ship? Berries? What's going on? Where are my parents?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- They're probably dead by now. - Oh, great(!)
0:06:42 > 0:06:48And who is this Tinker Bell fella who hangs round all the time? I don't trust him.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50"He" is a lady,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52which is more than I can say for you!
0:06:52 > 0:06:57And Laura, you've... Has the last seven years been eventful for you?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Well, yeah, I took up drugs.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I slept with all the Mitchells.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05And that was just Christmas Day.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Greg, how has the last seven years gone for you?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Not too bad. I mean...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It's been terrible. Tell him it's been terrible.
0:07:15 > 0:07:21To be honest, it's been terrible. I haven't got a single real friend in the world.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Tell him you're sick of seeing his face on panel shows.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- I can't tell him that.- Tell him he's done too much.- I can't.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- I've watched your career very closely.- You didn't like any of it.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Most of it I found really good.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Tell him to stick to the scripted stuff.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Fantastic.- What do you prefer?
0:07:44 > 0:07:50- Do you prefer the improvised stuff or the scripted stuff?- Watch him lie. Watch his lying face now!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Watch what his lying face says!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- You're supposed to be my friend. - I'm not your friend.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Right, you're all now 21.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01LAUGHTER
0:08:01 > 0:08:03When...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Peter Pan, you've not grown at all, have you?
0:08:06 > 0:08:12No, seriously, I'm genuinely trapped aged seven for my entire life.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16This has had serious ramifications for my taxes.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21It's like a pituitary gland thing or something. I'm not sure what's going on.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Unwisely, we've got married.- Yeah. - I regret that now.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29We're largely shunned by all the other people on the island.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32I'm probably the largest woman they've ever seen.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34I'm sort of married to a tiny boy.
0:08:34 > 0:08:40I should maybe get a job, but I can't because I haven't got a National Insurance number.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- It's all cash in hand. - It's all cash in hand.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Laura, you're 21 now. I imagine you've gone through quite a lot.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50It wasn't going well at 14 for you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53No, as I said, I did the single.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55It was crap.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Then I did the reality show. That was awful.
0:08:58 > 0:09:04So now I just open "Spahs" for 50 quid.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Small supermarkets, not health resorts.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- That's better paid.- Yeah.
0:09:10 > 0:09:17Greg, has the last seven years given you time to think long and hard about the things you said aged 14?
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Yeah, well, I'm absolutely fine now, Hugh, to be honest.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Hugh? Can you hear me, Hugh?
0:09:23 > 0:09:27I've very much got the little man under control these days.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Hugh, I'm trapped inside.
0:09:29 > 0:09:35- And I would just like to say what a great admirer I am of your career.- I hate him!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Particularly the scripted stuff.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42That's fantastic. Thank you very much indeed.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45APPLAUSE
0:09:47 > 0:09:53Now, I have always fancied owning my own restaurant, but I just can't think what to call it.
0:09:53 > 0:09:59To help narrow it down, what do you think would be a bad name for a restaurant? Justin?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03The Fat Dick at Bray.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05LAUGHTER
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Pippa?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10If You Kill It, I'll Cook It.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11Marek?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Burger Twat.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15LAUGHTER
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Humphrey?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Sloppy Seconds.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Thank you very much.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Right, next we play a game called Interpretative Dance.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37Taking part in this are Pippa and Laura, but let's meet our special guest performer - David Armand!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40APPLAUSE
0:10:40 > 0:10:46Now, the way that this game works is that we play in a popular song
0:10:46 > 0:10:52and we ask our interpretative dancer David to illustrate the lyrics through the medium of dance.
0:10:52 > 0:10:57Pippa and Laura will be wearing headphones and unable to hear the music.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01They'll have to guess the song and the artist purely from the mime,
0:11:01 > 0:11:03so put your headphones on, please.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I'll just check you can't hear. Can you hear...?
0:11:06 > 0:11:12- No, they can't hear. So, David, if you're ready... - I think so, yes.- Off we go.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16ROCK MUSIC INTRO
0:11:19 > 0:11:22# I did my best to notice
0:11:22 > 0:11:25# When the call came down the line
0:11:25 > 0:11:28# Up to the platform of surrender
0:11:28 > 0:11:31# I was brought but I was kind
0:11:33 > 0:11:35# And sometimes I get nervous
0:11:35 > 0:11:39# When I see an open door
0:11:39 > 0:11:42# Close your eyes, clear your heart
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# Cut the cord
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# Are we human?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53# Or are we dancers?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56# My sign is vital
0:11:57 > 0:12:00# My hands are cold
0:12:00 > 0:12:04# And I'm on my knees
0:12:04 > 0:12:07# Looking for the answer
0:12:07 > 0:12:10# Are we human?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13# Or are we dancers...? #
0:12:13 > 0:12:16APPLAUSE
0:12:21 > 0:12:25# Pay my respects to grace and virtue
0:12:25 > 0:12:28# Send my condolences to good
0:12:28 > 0:12:32# Give my regards to soul and romance
0:12:32 > 0:12:36# They always did the best they could
0:12:36 > 0:12:39# And so long to devotion
0:12:39 > 0:12:42# You taught me everything I know
0:12:42 > 0:12:45# Wave goodbye, wish me well...
0:12:49 > 0:12:51# You've gotta let me go
0:12:51 > 0:12:54# Are we human?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# Or are we dancers?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01# My sign is vital
0:13:01 > 0:13:03# My hands are cold
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# And I'm on my knees
0:13:08 > 0:13:10# Looking for the answer
0:13:10 > 0:13:13# Are we human?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16# Or are we dancers?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21# Will your system be all right
0:13:21 > 0:13:25# When you dream of home tonight?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29# There is no message we're receiving
0:13:29 > 0:13:33# Let me know, is your heart still beating?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# You've gotta let me know
0:13:36 > 0:13:39# Are we human?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42# Or are we dancers?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45# My sign is vital
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# My hands are cold
0:13:49 > 0:13:51# And I'm on my knees
0:13:51 > 0:13:54# Looking for the answer
0:13:55 > 0:13:58# Are we human?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04# Or are we dancers? #
0:14:04 > 0:14:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:08 > 0:14:11So, Pippa...
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Pippa, Laura, any idea?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- I think that's incredibly easy. - Do you?- Do you?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21The only thing I could think of was Nellie the Elephant.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Want a clue for the band?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Punch and Judy?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- The Killers!- Yes!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- What species is he?- Human.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42- Human!- Human! - Fantastic. Well done.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Thank you very much, David Armand!
0:14:51 > 0:14:59Now we come to that part of the show that I call I Wish. I ask the performers what they'd wish for
0:14:59 > 0:15:02when they blow out their birthday candles. Anyone?
0:15:02 > 0:15:08Simple wish, Hugh. And it's always the same. I wish...all the fighting would stop
0:15:08 > 0:15:15and, if there's time, I wish that I had a penis like a farm boy's arm holding a pumpkin.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Would that not... Would that not rot after a while?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26LAUGHTER
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Thank you!
0:15:31 > 0:15:36Next up is the performance picnic that we call Come Dining.
0:15:36 > 0:15:42This is for Justin, Pippa, Greg, Humphrey and Marek. Please come down to our dining area.
0:15:42 > 0:15:49Justin and Pippa, you will act out a mealtime scene in a film genre, but when each of your guests arrives
0:15:49 > 0:15:52you must switch to the genre they bring with them.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57As each of them leaves, the others revert back to the previous genre.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02I hope you understood that because I haven't got a clue!
0:16:02 > 0:16:07So if you could start us off as Silence of the Lambs.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Humphrey, you come in as an Aussie soap. Greg, you're pantomime.
0:16:12 > 0:16:18- And Marek, you are Robin Hood. - Of course, of course. - So if you're ready, off you go.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23Well, Mr Hannibal, thank you. I must be your first ever dinner guest.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28Oh, Clarice, I cooked a marvellous dinner for you.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Fava beans and chianti. P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p!
0:16:32 > 0:16:38- This leg of lamb seems to still be bleeding.- That was no lamb.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Guys! I came as soon as I heard Bouncer was dead.- Ripper.
0:16:42 > 0:16:49- What are you eating?!- Just a little bit of Bouncer.- It was just an accident. Please don't get angry!
0:16:49 > 0:16:54- You guys are such dags! - You're a dag!- No, you're a dag!
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Calm down. Mr Irigawa's coming. That's a very early Neighbours reference!
0:16:59 > 0:17:04Did he get the contract off Helen Daniels(?)
0:17:04 > 0:17:10- I think it was Mrs Mangel.- I haven't watched this show for 15 years! - Don't cry. I love you.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13How else will I express myself?!
0:17:13 > 0:17:20Oooh! Hello, boys and girls! It's me - an ageing queen dressed as a woman!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Oooh!- Behind me? I wish!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Ooooh!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Oh!- It's...Robin Hood! - It's only me, Robin Hood!
0:17:33 > 0:17:39Ho ho ho. Oh, Robin. Why don't you come here and hold me for a while?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Yes, hold Maid Marion.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Oooh!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Oooh, I say!
0:17:52 > 0:17:57Sorry, boys and girls! I went and slipped on Robin Hood!
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Oooh! I might stay here for a while, though.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08This is so going to end up on the DVD extras.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13It's behind you... your career.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19Oooh! he was a cheeky one, wasn't he, boys and girls?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23My pants have fallen down! Oh, no, they haven't!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26No, they genuinely have!
0:18:28 > 0:18:35I've had enough of this. I'm going to the Watering Hole to think about how difficult life is.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Ohhh!
0:18:38 > 0:18:44- What's for dessert, Hannibal? - Well, Clarice, I've got a marvellous blood sausage...
0:18:44 > 0:18:47LAUGHTER
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Thank you very much! Well done!
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Hey, guess what, everyone. It's party time!
0:18:59 > 0:19:07This is the part of the show where I drop in some nang beats - what?! - and get everyone buzzing.
0:19:07 > 0:19:14When the music stops, the performers say the most pretentious line they can think of. Cue the music.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16PARTY MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:21 > 0:19:26There's something really cathartically nihilistic about Bargain Hunt.
0:19:30 > 0:19:38What most people fail to realise is that Guantanamo Bay is interesting site-specific installation theatre.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46LAUGHTER
0:19:46 > 0:19:51I like to make sure that all my equipment is HD ready.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56And when I say HD ready, I mean ready for Hugh Dennis. Hmm-hmm-hmm!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06When I'm inside you, I AM you.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18For my son's Nativity, I wrap the baby in Parma ham.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Then, of course, we made our own pesto from the afterbirth.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32GROANS AND LAUGHTER
0:20:33 > 0:20:36OK, thank you very much indeed!
0:20:40 > 0:20:47Our next game is Dragon's Lair, our version of the popular BBC2 business programme I can't reveal.
0:20:47 > 0:20:53Humphrey and Pippa are the Dragons, Duncan Bannatyne and Deborah Meaden, so if you'd come down.
0:20:53 > 0:20:59I'm going to play the presenter, the one who looks like Dobby the house-elf.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04So can we please have a husband and wife team, Laura and Greg?
0:21:04 > 0:21:12If you'd like to come over here to collect your invention, which is...this.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13So...
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Good luck with that. And off you go.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20All right, come in. Come in.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Come on. Right, you - talk.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Hello, Dwagons. - Oh! You - talk.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Hello, Dwagons!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- All right, you talk. - Hello, Dwagons.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Can I get a word in, please? I'm a strong woman in business.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43So just tell us, tell us what it is.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Why do you wear such bad clothes?
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- Is that your real face? - Hello, Dwagons.
0:21:50 > 0:21:56- Right, Big Man, do the talking. - Karen and I have been married for many, many unhappy years.
0:21:56 > 0:22:02Both of us have been so lonely. As a result, I have personally sought solace
0:22:02 > 0:22:07in the arms of countless women. I've had affair upon affair
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- upon affair upon unprotected affair. - LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:16Now whilst my wife is aware of my nocturnal activities,
0:22:16 > 0:22:22still we are presented sometimes with rather embarrassing situations.
0:22:22 > 0:22:29- Such as... - I might be taking my wife out for a fish supper in Birmingham.
0:22:29 > 0:22:35- We don't live in Birmingham. - No, but I may... I'm creating a scenario.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38What the fuck is your product?
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- LAUGHTER - As we were walking through Birmingham town centre,
0:22:42 > 0:22:46I spot a woman that I have had vigorous sex with.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51I don't care what my wife thinks. Her feelings are meaningless to me.
0:22:51 > 0:22:57But my quarry has no idea that I am a married man. Thus I employ this - the wife disguise.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00LAUGHTER
0:23:00 > 0:23:05I don't want my wife to be spotted, so I'll pop this over her...
0:23:07 > 0:23:12When we first got married, I was considerably shorter.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17How many of these do you think you could produce a year?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Four.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22So, Deborah, are you in or out?
0:23:22 > 0:23:28I find it offensive against women and against me, although you didn't hide her face from me, did you?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32You just came out here flaunting it.
0:23:32 > 0:23:3548 hours! 48!
0:23:35 > 0:23:39I had no idea you lived in Birmingham!
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- So in or out?- OUT!- Humphrey? - I'm gonnae have to say...
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- out.- Why?!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Because it's shit.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Laura and Greg, are you happy?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- Couldn't care less! - Thank you very much!
0:24:05 > 0:24:12Right. Now we move on to a game called Sideways Scene. This is for Pippa, Justin and Marek
0:24:12 > 0:24:18and takes place in the special area behind the set. If you three would go round there...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20and get ready.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25You're going to perform a scene in different genres suggested by me,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29but you'll be doing it lying down on our magic mat.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33We'll relay the pictures to the audience on the screen.
0:24:33 > 0:24:39Now the scenario is that Justin and Pippa are home on a windy night
0:24:39 > 0:24:43having a romantic meal when the fuses go out.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48And Marek arrives to fix the fuse.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49LAUGHTER
0:24:49 > 0:24:53So if you are ready, off you go.
0:24:53 > 0:24:59- Isn't this exciting?- It's lovely. Why don't you sit down and I'll bring you the canapes?- OK.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02LAUGHTER
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- There you go, darling. - Oh, and do we have any mustard?
0:25:15 > 0:25:19I think it's in the pantry. Let me just...
0:25:19 > 0:25:24Just try to climb over the chair. That would be easiest, I suspect.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27APPLAUSE
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Whoo!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Goodness.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37- We really must get that extension. - Yes. Or put a cupboard over there.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Oh, hang on. There's somebody at the door.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Oh, it's windy!
0:25:47 > 0:25:50It's windy out here!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Whoa!
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Oh, it's pretty windy out here!
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Watch out. That door's probably going to be caught in the wind!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Quick! Close it!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Come on in.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16- Justin, darling?- Yes? - Is he here about the fuses?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Yes. I...- Whoa!
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Ohh!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Let me come and tell you about the fuses.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30OK, and freeze, please!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Now I'd like you to do it in the style of ET.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37SHE HUMS UPLIFTING ET MUSIC
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Please, get on your bicycle and we will fly.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46LAUGHTER
0:26:48 > 0:26:50APPLAUSE
0:26:55 > 0:26:56OK.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59And freeze again, please.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03And now could you do it in the style of Superman?
0:27:04 > 0:27:10Superman! You brought me on my special chair. I couldn't live with out it!
0:27:10 > 0:27:14But now throw it away for you can fly!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16What about me, Superman...?!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Get away from him! Get away from him! He's crazy!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Aaaaah!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Aaaaah!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Aaaah!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:27:33 > 0:27:35And now...
0:27:35 > 0:27:40- That's the freeze, by the way. - Oh, sorry!
0:27:40 > 0:27:45Freeze. And now in the style of Jaws.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- Come on. Let's swim to the surface. - Get up!
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Oh. Oh, I see who I am now.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53LAUGHTER
0:27:53 > 0:27:58- Quickly. Just tread water here. We'll be fine.- He's moving!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00HUMS "Jaws" THEME
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Aaaaaaieee!
0:28:05 > 0:28:06OK.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Thank you very much. Come on back round.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16CHEERING
0:28:20 > 0:28:25That's all we have time for tonight. Our thanks to Justin Edwards,
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Laura Solon,
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Greg Davies, Marek Larwood,
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Pippa Evans and Humphrey Ker.
0:28:35 > 0:28:41And good night from me, Hugh Dennis. See you the next time we play Fast and Loose.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk