0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:09 > 0:00:13On the show tonight, he won the Perrier at the pre-show bottle raffle, Justin Edwards.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18Can't bowl, can't bat, can't field, it's Pippa Evans.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23He's not called Tom Parry for nothing. It's Tom Parry!
0:00:24 > 0:00:30He's got great first touch for a big man, Humphrey Ker!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33She's had more salads than you've had hot dinners, Ruth Bratt.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37He's had a top 40 hit in the Faroe Islands - twice!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40David Reed!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43And finally, please welcome your host,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47a man who sounds a lot like me, Hugh Dennis!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Hello and welcome to the show.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Tonight, we'll be improvising scenes, sketches and TV spoofs
0:01:00 > 0:01:04and picking our performers' brains on an array of topics.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Let's play Fast And Loose!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14To kick things off, let's play a game called Audition Tapes.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17This is for all of our performers, so come on down.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20We want you to show us the most disastrous audition clip
0:01:20 > 0:01:25you could send out in order to get on television.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28If you're ready in the performance zone, off we go!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Welcome to topless darts.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34My name's Keith. Let's get started...!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I'm Humphrey Ker.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38I'm auditioning for the part of Philip Mitchell.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40(POSH ACCENT) Do what, you slag?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Come round my pub, I'll do you one real good!
0:01:43 > 0:01:48They say an interesting performer can make even reading
0:01:48 > 0:01:52the phone book interesting. Oh, well, here goes...
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Um, can you see my nipples?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02How about now?
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Good morning, children.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Or is it? Is it a good morning? No.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Will it ever be a good morning again? No!
0:02:10 > 0:02:11And you know why?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Because men are essentially disappointing!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16LAUGHTER
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Hello! It's me, Cockney Karen.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23# What you gonna do down tuppence penny way? #
0:02:24 > 0:02:27My idea for a new show, it's a bit Loose Women,
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Cash In The Attic, a bit like Hairy Bikers.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I call it Hairy Women In My Attic!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I shall be auditioning for the part of the elephant.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I didn't press the buzzer!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48APPLAUSE
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Who lost the dummy?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53"I lost the dummy!"
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Who doesn't know when to stop gambling?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57"I don't."
0:02:57 > 0:03:04I am an every day employee of Morrisons!
0:03:07 > 0:03:11I am Maximus Decimus Meridius...
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Oh, sorry, you wanted an actual man? Oh, no.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20I'll be reading for the part of Cheeky Hitler.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24You guys! Don't tell me you're having a bunker party without Cheeky Hitler!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Had an accident at work?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33So have I, and that's why I wear adult nappies!
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Thank you very much. Well done, everyone.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Now we come to the part of the show that I like to call
0:03:48 > 0:03:53Tell Me Something I Don't Know, where I ask our performers to wrack their brains
0:03:53 > 0:03:55and tell me something I don't know!
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Justin... - My pin number is 4-7-3... No!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Pippa...
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I once drowned a man but...
0:04:08 > 0:04:10That was real, wasn't it?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12David...
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Something you don't know?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18The drink will never stop the pain, Hugh.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Strangely enough, I do know that.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Humphrey.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Here's something you don't know, Hugh.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36You don't know how it makes me feel when you ignore me
0:04:36 > 0:04:39when your wife is around.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41APPLAUSE
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Thank you.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Next up is the buffet of buffoonery we call Come Dining.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53This is for David, Pippa, Tom, Justin and Humphrey.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58If you'll sit down or get ready to sit down by the table.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02Justin and Pippa, you're going to begin acting out a meal time
0:05:02 > 0:05:06scene in a film genre, but when each of your guests arrive you must
0:05:06 > 0:05:09switch to performing in a different style.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10As each guest leaves,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13the other performers have to revert back to the previous genre.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I hope you understood that.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17If you didn't, it's not going to work as a game.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24So, Justin and Pippa, if you can begin by doing a period drama,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27David you'll come in as gladiator.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32Humphrey, you're a Harry Potter film, and Tom, you're Bollywood.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35LAUGHTER
0:05:35 > 0:05:38So, if you're ready, off we go!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Why, Mr Harrison, a whole leg of mutton.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42We are honoured!
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Well, I say mutton - I cut it off one of the staff earlier.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49It's more leg of maid, but it tastes very similar.
0:05:49 > 0:05:56You're so good to me. Perhaps we could marry. Oh, no!
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Hello, my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Commander of the armies in the North.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04There are no women in this film!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- May I eat with you? - Eat my leg of maid.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15And then we'll wrestle naked as that's the way I like it.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20(AS HAGRID) Harry! Ron! Hermione!
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Thank God you're all here. My outhouse has been overrun
0:06:25 > 0:06:31with Crumplesnax or some similarly peculiarly-named animal.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- Oh, no!- Jai Ho!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Hey, everyone!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I've brought a cake from the wedding.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Let's dance!
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Before this gets any more offensive, I shall leave!
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Bye, everyone, Jai Ho!
0:07:02 > 0:07:06I'm not going to let Harry go anywhere without me because I love him.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I've never liked you, you stuck-up bitch!
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Does that mean I'm the ginger one?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17I'll not stand a ginger one amongst my midst.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19We must battle outside.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Naked!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I'm quite strict... It's a rule.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Fine!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Oh, what fun we had! What wonderful guests.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Marvellous business.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36A delicious dinner.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39My face is a mask of emotions.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Emulsions?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I've never come.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Thank you very much!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Now it's that part of the show that I call Sexy Voice,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00where I ask the panel to say the least alluring thing they can in a sexy voice.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Anyone?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I've just had a dirty burger.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09With loads of chilli sauce and garlic sauce
0:08:09 > 0:08:13and loads of raw onions. Huh!
0:08:15 > 0:08:21Is it just me or was that actually quite alluring?!
0:08:22 > 0:08:30- Anyone else?- You've dripped bin juice all down the stairs.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Next we're going to play a game called Interpretive Dance.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Taking part in this are Pippa and Ruth.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46So, let's meet our special guest performer,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48please welcome David Armand.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51APPLAUSE
0:08:55 > 0:08:59The way this game works is we play in a popular song
0:08:59 > 0:09:03and we ask David to illustrate the lyrics through the medium of dance.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Pippa and Ruth will be wearing headphones,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10and therefore unable to hear the music.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15So, they will have to guess the song and the artist purely from the mime.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16So, can you hear me?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- No, they can't hear me. If you're ready, David.- Yes.- Off we go.
0:09:21 > 0:09:29# Tonight I'm going to have myself a real good time
0:09:29 > 0:09:33# I feel alive-i-i-ive
0:09:33 > 0:09:36# And the world
0:09:36 > 0:09:41# Turning inside out, yeah
0:09:41 > 0:09:46# I'm floating around in ecstasy
0:09:46 > 0:09:50# So don't stop me now
0:09:51 > 0:09:55# Don't stop me cos I'm having a good time
0:09:55 > 0:09:57# Having a good time
0:09:57 > 0:10:01# I'm a superstar leaping through the sky like a tiger
0:10:01 > 0:10:04# Defying laws of gravity
0:10:04 > 0:10:08# I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
0:10:08 > 0:10:14# I'm gonna go, go, go there's no stopping me!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17# Burning through the sky, yeah
0:10:17 > 0:10:21# 200 degrees that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit
0:10:21 > 0:10:23# I'm travelling at the speed of light
0:10:23 > 0:10:27# I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
0:10:27 > 0:10:31# Don't stop me now
0:10:31 > 0:10:33# I'm having such a good time
0:10:33 > 0:10:35# I'm having a ball Don't stop me now
0:10:35 > 0:10:40# If you want to have a good time just give me a call
0:10:40 > 0:10:43# Don't stop me now cos I'm having a good time
0:10:43 > 0:10:45# Don't stop me now
0:10:45 > 0:10:51Yes, I'm having a good time I don't want to stop at all
0:10:51 > 0:10:54# I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
0:10:54 > 0:10:55# On a collision course
0:10:55 > 0:10:58# I'm a satellite I'm out of control
0:10:58 > 0:11:01# I'm a sex machine ready to reload
0:11:01 > 0:11:07# Like an atom bomb about to Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode!
0:11:07 > 0:11:12# I'm burning through the sky, yeah! 200 degrees
0:11:12 > 0:11:15# That's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit
0:11:15 > 0:11:18# I'm travelling at the speed of light
0:11:18 > 0:11:20# I wanna make a supersonic woman of you
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Don't stop me, don't stop me Don't stop me - hey, hey, hey!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28# Don't stop me, don't stop me Ooh, ooh, ooh
0:11:28 > 0:11:30# Don't stop me, don't stop me
0:11:30 > 0:11:34# Have a good time, good time Don't stop me, don't stop me... #
0:11:36 > 0:11:39APPLAUSE
0:11:42 > 0:11:43So...
0:11:47 > 0:11:51So, Pippa, Ruth. What d'you reckon?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Was it Don't Stop Me Now?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58APPLAUSE
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Well done. Brilliant.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03A real good time!
0:12:03 > 0:12:07I couldn't remember what it was by the end! Wow!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10That was brilliant, thank you very much, David Armand.
0:12:15 > 0:12:20Now we come to the part of the show I call Granny Used To Say,
0:12:20 > 0:12:23where I ask our performers to celebrate the wisdom of the older generation
0:12:23 > 0:12:27by telling us the wonderful things their granny used to say.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29So, Ruth.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34My granny always said, "We didn't call it sex in those days,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36"but I imagine that's what it was."
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Tom.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44"Why are you wearing my clothes?"
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Pippa.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49My grandma once said to me, "Barbie and Ken aren't
0:12:49 > 0:12:52"allowed in the caravan together until they're married!"
0:12:52 > 0:12:55And Justin.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01My grandmother used to say, "Turn on the oxygen, you little sod."
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Thank you very much.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06APPLAUSE
0:13:06 > 0:13:10This game is called Forward Rewind.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It's for David, Humphrey, Pippa and Tom.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Bring yourselves down, please.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18You four will perform a scene, but when I press my rewind...
0:13:18 > 0:13:20'Rewind!'
0:13:20 > 0:13:21..Or forward button...
0:13:21 > 0:13:22'Forward.'
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Clever, isn't it?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You have to repeat the action you've just done in the opposite direction.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29All will become clear.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33So, Humphrey is a doctor examining David
0:13:33 > 0:13:37when Tom enters carrying his amorous wife, Pippa, who's choking.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38So, off you go!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40From looking at your tests,
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I suspect you've only got 10 minutes to live. Touch your nose.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Touch your toes.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Touch your nose. Touch your toes.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Touch your nose!- 'Rewind!'
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Touch your nose.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Touch your toes. Touch your nose. Touch your toes.
0:13:53 > 0:13:59- 'Forward!'- Touch your toes. Touch your nose. Touch your toes. Touch your nose.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00OK, that seems to be OK.
0:14:00 > 0:14:06It might be something to do with your pulse. I'm really sorry about this. Cough!
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Oh, my God. That's horrible.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13She's choking.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- Do the Heimlich manoeuvre. - Please, save her!
0:14:17 > 0:14:18'Rewind!'
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Oh, God. Please save her!
0:14:26 > 0:14:27She's choking.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Doctor, doctor you've got to help me.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm sorry about this. Cough!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35It might be something to do with your pulse.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37'Forward!'
0:14:37 > 0:14:40It might be something to do with your pulse. Cough!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me. She's choking.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Oh, my God. You, do the Heimlich Manoeuvre.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Please, help me.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Quickly, do ten press-ups! Do ten press-ups!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- Wait!- 'Rewind!'
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Do ten fucking press-ups!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- Do ten press-ups! - You've got to help her!
0:15:03 > 0:15:08Doctor, she's choking! And my back's done in!
0:15:08 > 0:15:14- 'Forward!'- Argh!- She's choking. Help her!
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- You, do the Heimlich Manoeuvre. - Help her.- Do ten press-ups.
0:15:18 > 0:15:24- Do ten press-ups! - She's safe! I love you.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Mwah!- 'Rewind.'
0:15:26 > 0:15:31- Mwah!- 'Forward.'
0:15:35 > 0:15:39'Rewind.'
0:15:39 > 0:15:41'Forward.'
0:15:45 > 0:15:46'Rewind.'
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- Oh, she's saved!- 'Forward.'
0:15:50 > 0:15:55She's saved. Piss off! I'm going to save this man's life. You, get out of my office!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I love you!
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Rewind all the way to the beginning.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02I love you!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05You two, piss off out of my office, I need to save this man's life!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08She's saved! She's saved.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- Do ten press-ups!- Why?- Because I said do ten press-ups!
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Please help her!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You, do the Heimlich manoeuvre!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18She's choking! Oh, doctor, doctor, please help me!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Here comes the good stuff. Hah!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I am really sorry about this,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26but you're going to have to cough in a second.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Touch your nose!
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Touch your toes!
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Touch your nose!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Touch your toes!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Touch your nose! Right, I have done your tests,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36it could be something to do with your circulation.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38The end!
0:16:42 > 0:16:48Thank you. Well, I don't know about you,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50but I think it's probably time for a party.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53So I am going to lay down some bangin' tracks
0:16:53 > 0:16:56and our performers can bust a groove until the music stops
0:16:56 > 0:17:01and then I'm going to ask them to say a chat-up line doomed to fail.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04So, let's cue the music, please.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Hey, baby, was your father an angel?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Because I want to have sex with you.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33Put your coat on, love, because your dress is shit.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46I've decided to settle, you will do.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56You know they say a lobster mates for life?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Well, I've got crabs.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07You look like Sophie Dahl, before she lost the weight.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Did you fall from heaven?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Because you look like you've landed in some shit.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Thank you very much! Well done.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Right, time now for an educational game
0:18:31 > 0:18:33that we call Right Way, Wrong Way.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36This involves Ruth, Humphrey, Pippa and Tom.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38So if you could make your way over here, please.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40The performers will be showing us the best
0:18:40 > 0:18:44and worst ways to behave on a first date.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Now, Pippa and Humphrey will demonstrate the right way
0:18:49 > 0:18:51and Tom and Ruth, the sure fire wrong way.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54So let's begin with meeting your date.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57This, of course, is all about attracting their attention
0:18:57 > 0:18:59and making a great first impression.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03So, Pippa and Humphrey, can you show us the right way, please?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05- Hi.- Hello.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06You must be Pippa.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08And you must be Humphrey!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Oh, my God, there is such a connection there!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- Already!- Tell me about it!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Have you done your CRB check?
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Done it?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I aced it!
0:19:19 > 0:19:20So that's the right way to do it.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Now, Tom and Ruth, can you show us how not to do it?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Er, you're Ruth, right?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Yes. You must be Tom. - Right. Yeah.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Because it said on your Facebook you were overweight.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- I thought it was you. I thought it was you.- Yup.- Yeah.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Right. So, the next stage...
0:19:40 > 0:19:41LAUGHTER
0:19:43 > 0:19:46The next stage obviously is ordering the meal.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49So please note how Humphrey displays just the right
0:19:49 > 0:19:51amount of generosity and sophistication.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54So, Humphrey and Pippa, off you go.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Thanks for giving me the menu without the prices on!
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Listen, I don't want you to worry about that at all
0:20:01 > 0:20:05because I am both wealthy and philanthropic.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06So that's excellent.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10And now, Tom and Ruth, can you show us the exact opposite?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I'll do the ordering for us.
0:20:12 > 0:20:18I'll have a Big Mac meal, please, and she'll have a Diet Coke.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22So that's the wrong way.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Fairly clearly the wrong way.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28The next stage of course is the end of the date
0:20:28 > 0:20:30which is a potentially crucial moment.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33So, note how Humphrey continues to be the perfect gentleman.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Well, I've had a great time tonight
0:20:36 > 0:20:41and I can tell from your pheromones that you have too.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45So, what do you say we take this back to one of my houses?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:54 > 0:20:56And now, Tom and Ruth,
0:20:56 > 0:21:00let's see how you set the seal on an already disastrous evening.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's not going to suck itself!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10APPLAUSE
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Thank you very much.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Fantastic! Thank you very much, everyone.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Now, if I weren't here tonight I would probably be having a pint
0:21:29 > 0:21:33down at my favourite London pub, my local. Great pub,
0:21:33 > 0:21:34it's got a terrible name though.
0:21:34 > 0:21:40So, performers, what do you think would be a really bad name for a pub? David.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41The Baby's Arms.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48- Tom.- The Horse And Prince Charles.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Thank you very much.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Now we play a game called Sideways Scene.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59This is for Pippa, Tom and Justin
0:21:59 > 0:22:02and takes place in the special area behind the set.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05So, if the three of you would like to go there and get ready.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09You three are going to perform a scene in different genres suggested by me.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12But the difference is that you'll be doing it
0:22:12 > 0:22:15lying down on our magic mat and we're going to relay the pictures
0:22:15 > 0:22:17to the audience on the screen.
0:22:20 > 0:22:26Now, the scenario is that Justin is a buff,
0:22:26 > 0:22:31flirty personal trainer taking Pippa through her paces
0:22:31 > 0:22:37when her fitness fanatic husband Tom arrives home unexpectedly.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39So, off you go.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40So I just touch my toes.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43That's it. Just touch your toes. What we need to do is,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45the best thing is a little bit of,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48I just want you to just literally run back there, run back, about 10 times.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50That's it, off you go.
0:22:50 > 0:22:56Come back, that's it, come back! That's excellent work.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57- Oh, I am sorry!- Oh dear!
0:22:57 > 0:23:01I have got to be honest, Timothy, I've always found you very attractive.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10- Who is it?- Hello, darling...!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- Who are you? - Well, who are you?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Let me come in and explain!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- You must come over here. - Oh, crikey!- He'll beat you!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Get over there! Yeah, you are right to run away!
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Stop it! I won't have this kind of behaviour.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Stay there, weakling! Look at me!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34OK, freeze, please.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37And change genre to Most Haunted.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43That's right, look at me! Because I am about to unleash a poltergeist!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59And now change genre to James Bond.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02I can't help it, James.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I find him too attractive.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05And I have my enormous gun.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08- Boom!- Jump!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Just in time.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- My hero! - Come here, babe.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Let's make love!
0:24:26 > 0:24:27OK, freeze again, please.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32And, well you're in the position already, change to Dirty Dancing.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Johnny! Woah!
0:24:37 > 0:24:42# I've had the time of my life!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47# I've never felt this way before. #
0:24:47 > 0:24:50APPLAUSE
0:24:52 > 0:24:53OK, thank you very much.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56APPLAUSE
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Right, our next game is for Justin, Humphrey, Pippa, Ruth and David.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12So, if you come on down, please.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16This is called Now It's A Musical.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18And as the title suggests, we take a popular TV show,
0:25:18 > 0:25:21and perform it as though it were a stage musical.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25This week, we'd like you to present I Am A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
0:25:25 > 0:25:29as though it were Les Miserables.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34So, Justin and Humphrey, you are Ant and Dec.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Of course.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38It's a Bushtucker Trial scenario by the way.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43Ruth and Pippa and David, you'll be the three celebrities.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46So, if you're ready, off we go.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49PIANO PLAYS
0:25:55 > 0:25:56# I am Ant
0:25:56 > 0:25:58# And I am Dec
0:25:58 > 0:26:01# We are tiny Geordie men
0:26:03 > 0:26:04- # He's Ant- And I am Dec
0:26:04 > 0:26:08# It's very difficult to tell us both apart
0:26:08 > 0:26:10# Not even we know!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# Please, sirs, please! You've got to understand
0:26:15 > 0:26:21# I can't eat this any more
0:26:21 > 0:26:27# Though I want to get a star
0:26:27 > 0:26:33# Eating cockroaches goes too far
0:26:33 > 0:26:39# She's got spiders in her bra
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Please, release us!
0:26:41 > 0:26:42# Please, release us
0:26:42 > 0:26:44# Please release us
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# Please, release us
0:26:47 > 0:26:48# Stop!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51# I don't know who any of you are
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# One of you used to be on Holby City or something
0:26:58 > 0:27:03# Maybe it was The Bill or maybe you do some sports
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# I am not entirely sure, Dec
0:27:06 > 0:27:09# How dare you? How could you not remember us?
0:27:09 > 0:27:16# I used to be married to a Premiership footballer
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# He was like you...
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# But at least...
0:27:21 > 0:27:24# 12 inches taller
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# I have breasts made out of plastic
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# How can you not think that I'm fantastic?
0:27:31 > 0:27:36# I used to stand next to a well-known TV chef
0:27:39 > 0:27:45# How can you not know who we are?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# You must eat a kangaroo's balls!
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- # Eat the kangaroo's penis! - Eat the kangaroo's penis!
0:27:51 > 0:27:52# We can't do it any more
0:27:52 > 0:27:53# Eat the kangaroo's penis
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# We don't want to eat the penis
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# Eat the kangaroo's penis
0:27:58 > 0:28:03ALL: # Penis! #
0:28:04 > 0:28:06APPLAUSE
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Superb, thank you.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Well, that's all we have time for tonight
0:28:22 > 0:28:28so my thanks go to Justin Edwards, Pippa Evans,
0:28:28 > 0:28:33Tom Parry, Humphrey Ker,
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Ruth Bratt, and David Reed.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39And good night from me, Hugh Dennis.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42See you next time we play Fast And Loose.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44APPLAUSE
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:00 > 0:29:03E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk