0:00:02 > 0:00:06I will defeat Lord Voldemort. No, I will defeat Lord Voldemort.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08No, I will.
0:00:08 > 0:00:09I want to be Harry Potter.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Well, you can't - you have a girl's voice,
0:00:11 > 0:00:13and that's why you're Hermione.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17It is I, Gandalf.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20You must not quarrel and fight any more, children.
0:00:20 > 0:00:26You must come together as one and defeat Lord Voldemort.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Gandalf is from Lord Of The Rings, Dad.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Shove up.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34BOTH: Hi, Mum.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Ooh, Tom, can I have a word with you for a sec, please?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39And who are you supposed to be?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41MasterChef's Gregg Wallace.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45My old friend's coming to stay.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Who? Karl.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48I've never heard of 'im?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50(ELAINE SIGHS) We used to go out.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Whoo! Did you kiss him, Mum?
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Have you?
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Look, he's been abroad for a few years
0:00:55 > 0:00:57and he's coming home and he needs a place.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00"Ooh, I love you, Elaine."
0:01:00 > 0:01:02"Take me to Paris." Shut it.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05There's no way one of your exes is staying here.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07You've not met him, you don't know what he's like.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10(HE GASPS) You've kissed him.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11You've probably seen his bum.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13(KIDS LAUGH)
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Don't get your chin in a flap, he's just going to be here
0:01:16 > 0:01:17until he finds a place to rent.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20(HE TUTS) When's he coming? Tomorrow.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Tomorrow?!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22KIDS: Tomorrow!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Tomorrow! Everybody, panic! He's coming tomorrow!
0:01:25 > 0:01:26It's the end of the world!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29(BOYS SHOUT AND WHOOP)
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# I think I'll rest a little more
0:01:32 > 0:01:36# Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door
0:01:36 > 0:01:39# Something easy, I'll find hard
0:01:39 > 0:01:44# It's the man in me that keeps me running scared
0:01:44 > 0:01:47# Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round
0:01:47 > 0:01:52# And you can't escape from these ups and downs
0:01:52 > 0:01:55# Your dream's on hold for this crazy world
0:01:55 > 0:02:00# But I wouldn't change a thing. #
0:02:00 > 0:02:02So when's this...
0:02:02 > 0:02:04when's this Karl coming?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06He'll be here about 11, so be nice to him until I get in from work.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Where's he going to sleep - in between us?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Clear out the dining room and put a bed up in there.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Uh, OK.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18You were never really serious about him, were you?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Did you see his bum?
0:02:19 > 0:02:20No.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Really? No bum?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25No bum.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28It's hard to see much else from that position.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Elaine!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35You're not really jealous of him, are you, turkey boy?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39No. Good, because he's dead fit.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Don't forget to clear all this out for tomorrow.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Yeah.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Ooh, and can you angle the bed so I can see his bum while he sleeps?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Missed!
0:02:54 > 0:02:59# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. #
0:03:01 > 0:03:04(HE HUMS TO HIMSELF)
0:03:13 > 0:03:15# Here she comes...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16# ...girls... #
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Hmmm!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27No!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32(HE HUMS)
0:03:32 > 0:03:33It's wrong, it's backwards!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Ugh.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Ahh...
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Eh...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59How about ye?!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Didn't know you'd been to prison, Tom.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Ah, Roddy!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Roddy!
0:04:11 > 0:04:12A little help!
0:04:14 > 0:04:17(TOM PANTS)
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Oh, thanks.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Thanks, man. OK, I'm fine.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'm fine, thanks. So is...
0:04:22 > 0:04:26is this Roddy's wee sleepover? Shall I nip home and get me jimjams?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Eh, no, it's not for you, it's not for you. It's for our guest.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Who is it, then? Oh, it's an ex-boyfriend of Elaine's,
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Karl something or other.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Oh, the housework's piling up, I don't have time for this!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Do you know what, with the homework
0:04:38 > 0:04:41and driving them to their friend's house and cooking them dinners,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43and the ironing, that piles up like nobody's business.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46The washing machine never seems to be off, the dishwasher is never empty,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49and do I get five minutes to look at meself in the mirror? No, I do not!
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You're a proper wee mammy, aren't you?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I'm always there for my children, Roddy.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Over to me, me. Lovely, lovely. Ooh, yeah!
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Excuse me? Excuse me?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Do you know where the nearest newsagent is, please?
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Stranger danger.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Stranger danger!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Stranger danger!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12You're doing that wrong Tom.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14What you need to do is get inside, with the duvet,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16that's it, go on off you go.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Do you know something?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Listen, do you think all this stay at home dad stuff is changing me?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Oh, aye, definitely.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29I just worry that Elaine doesn't think I'm a real man any more.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Sure, how could she? Look at you!
0:05:32 > 0:05:33(RODDY LAUGHS)
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Elaine's looking for a real man.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40A real man who'll cherish her, look after her, take her in his arms.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Look into those beautiful green eyes of hers and say,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46"I'm going down the pub, stick that dinner in the microwave.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48"I don't know what time I'll be back."
0:05:48 > 0:05:49A real man.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53She's never talked about this Karl fella, has she?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Oh, I get it.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58You're jealous.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm not jealous.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Now, why would I be jealous? I've got everything.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Beautiful wife, lovely kids, roof over my head,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10and I get to stay at home and watch my children blossom
0:06:10 > 0:06:12in front of my very own eyes.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Not many men can say that.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Actually, not many men do that, son. It's a woman's job.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Now, come on, let me help you with that.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20I'm a dab hand at this sort of thing.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Look, I wouldn't worry about it.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25I bet you he's a wee, fat, bald bloke or something like that.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29And sure, if he is, I'll see him off,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31don't you worry, Tom. I'll see him off for you.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34And if it turns out he is a big hunk, a hunk of burning love,
0:06:34 > 0:06:35you're screwed!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Now, look at that. There you go, Tom.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40There you go, huh?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44(PHONE RINGS) Oh, no no. Get me out, Roddy!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Oh, sorry, it's the pub. Better go. Roddy!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49(DOORBELL RINGS) Doorbell!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Hello?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'll get it. No, I'll get it.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57It's all right, I've got it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Wow, Dad, Superman!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Hi.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I'm Karl. I think you've been expecting me.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22So, we'd been tracking them for 14 days, me and Dave.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Who's Dave? Dave Attenborough.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27And then we saw the dolphins.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31I love dolphins. Don't I love dolphins, Tom? I love dolphins.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I took some great shots,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37and when I'd finished, they all made this funny squeaking noise.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Arr-arr-ohh...
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Nearly Roddy, nearly.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45It was more like this...
0:07:45 > 0:07:49(KARL CLICKS)
0:07:49 > 0:07:51What does that mean?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53"Thanks, Karl. Thanks, Karl."
0:07:53 > 0:07:56"Thanks Karl." Did you hear that, Tom?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Yeah, I did. I did hear it.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Actually, Karl, what does, um...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03(YAWNS)
0:08:03 > 0:08:05...mean in whale language?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It means, "This krill is delicious."
0:08:10 > 0:08:12So cool, Dad.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Can we keep him? Please?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Oooh!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18What does that mean? No.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22That's a great chin you got on you there, Karl, huh?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Thanks, Roddy, but hey, listen,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I mean, what do you guys do?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I run a pub, and he's a stay at home mum.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30No...!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34No, I'm a professional portrait photographer.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Hard to make money from that nowadays,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38now that everybody has their own cameras.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40But when they want a portrait, they still pay a professional.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44OK, last one now. And hold it...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47and...got it!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49All right. Well done, kids.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Proud of yourselves.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56OK, parents, just pick up your...photographs.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Well, thanks for taking the time to welcome me into your lovely home.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05No problem at all. I just...moved a few things around the diary.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Moved Thursday to Saturday and Friday to Sunday.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I'm really looking forward to seeing Elaine.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13You're a lucky man, Tom.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16She is quite a woman. Quite a woman.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Oh, did you ever get married, Karl? Have you got kids?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19No.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21There was only really ever one woman for me.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23She made me feel like a real man.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Elaine tells me that you do the housework.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28What?
0:09:28 > 0:09:33No, I tidy up a little bit, but I don't do house...housework?!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Cooee! Here now, Tom.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Here's that nice peg apron that you wanted.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Mum!
0:09:40 > 0:09:44This is for people who do housework. I don't do housework...housework?!
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I knew a fella once did so much housework,
0:09:47 > 0:09:50he ended up growing a boob under his arm.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54What are you talking about?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Jesus, Mary and Joseph, would you look at that man's chin?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01That is a chin, Mary. That is a CHIN.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Come on, move it. Clear out, kids.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Let your grandmother sit down.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Its perfect, isn't it, Mary?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I'm Tom's mother, Mary.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Mary, what a beautiful name.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I'm Karl, an old boyfriend of Elaine's.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh...
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Look, Pat - it's huge! It's huge!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Hi, Karl, I'm Pat, what's-his-name's father.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Great chin.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Oh, thanks, Pat. Thank you.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35He's an old boyfriend of Elaine's.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36I heard, woman - I'm not deaf.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I didn't think he was an old boyfriend of yours.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Your chin is nothing like our dad's one.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Mum says dad has a chin like a turkey.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49It's the family curse, son. It comes from your gran's side.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52You know, if she didn't keep her chin moving all the time
0:10:52 > 0:10:55with the talking, God knows what she'd end up looking like.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Lads, lads, lads.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Great kids.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yeah, I had them with Elaine.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10And I was naked when I did it.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Well, that's something we have in common.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I beg your pardon?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19We both love kids.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Oh, yeah, yeah, I love kids. Absolutely love them!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Get out the back!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30(BEEPING) Oh, excuse me.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Could I just use your toilet for a moment, please?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Oh, it's by the stairs.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Thanks.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I think I can find my own way, Rodster.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Fair enough.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Rodster!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Got me own nickname now.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06He's lovely, isn't he, Mary?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08He's marvellous, Roddy.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Oh, you have some competition there, Tom.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12That is a chin to die for!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15It's no wonder Elaine fell for him.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Yours is like...the loose skin on an old man's backside.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25And whose fault is it that I have a chin like an old man's backside?
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Old flappy mammy there.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Hi, Tom.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Married sex not all its cracked up to be, eh?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Oh, Karl, I was, er, just fixing the handle.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Ah, you might want to take a look at this one too.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54He was looking through the keyhole. Shut up.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Hi, I'm Karl.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Karl. Tim, I'm from next door.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01That's a lovely chin.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Thanks. Not a bad chin-zone yourself there.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Oh!
0:13:06 > 0:13:07(LAUGHS) Yeah!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Yeah, well, I exercise mine. You?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Ah, great, I'm in the middle of a chin orgy(!)
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I just hit the jackpot in the gene lottery.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Anyway, nice to meet you, Tim. Best get back to the gang.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Yeah, with the... Oh!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23...the gang.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Shall we...?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Oh, yeah. Yeah, the gang.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35God, he must have worked hard to get a chin like that.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39You wouldn't think it to look at me but I used to have a wretched chin.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Chin up.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Exercise your chin and, in no time at all, you'll have a chin like Karl's.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Exercise?!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Yeah, well, there's lots of different techniques.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56There's, er, Chinnercise, Chinnerobics, Tai Chin, of course.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Ding, tu-ung, tung, tun!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Quick, Tom, Karl's about to start another story.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Hi, Tim.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Ah great, Chinanory(!)
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Great, Chinanory.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09No, can...?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Do you know what? I got four new spark plugs.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14You didn't. I did!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Are they in the car? Yes, they are!
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Oh-ho-ho! We spoke about this!
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Yes, we did!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25So I was surfing Amazon while I was on the Amazon.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27(LAUGHTER)
0:14:33 > 0:14:35You all right there, Tom?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Just, er, doing my, erm...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41T-rex impression.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45(ROARS FEEBLY)
0:14:47 > 0:14:48That's very good, Tom, but, erm...
0:14:48 > 0:14:52a T-rex is a little more like, erm...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56(ROARS IMPRESSIVELY)
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Oh, sorry, Tom.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Elaine.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Karl.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I see you've met my husband, Tom?
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Karl.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Mm-hm.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Mary.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Elaine. Karl.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Roddy...?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Elaine. Karl.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30And Pat.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Oh, Tom, imagine what you could have achieved
0:15:33 > 0:15:35if you had a chin like that.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38You'd be a completely different person.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Yeah.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41(GIGGLING)
0:15:47 > 0:15:50...like this! (LAUGHTER)
0:15:50 > 0:15:52(MIAOWS)
0:16:04 > 0:16:08(VACUUM WHIRS)
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Oh, I just don't like him, Elaine.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Will you stop banging on about Karl? I thought you weren't jealous.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I'm not jealous. But he eats like a horse.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28He's only been here a day and he's already eaten three bananas.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34And his coughs sound exactly the same as his sneezes.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35I can't tell which is which.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Well, there you go.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39What?
0:16:39 > 0:16:40You've both got the same problem.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44His coughs sound like sneezes and your trumps sound like coughs.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48That's not my fault. I was born that way.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It's an odd shape, I know, but it's my odd shape.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53He's such a waster!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55He isn't! He's always up to something.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57And he's done a lot of work for the environment.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Not any more than I have. You?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What have you ever done for the environment?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06(STRAINS)
0:17:06 > 0:17:07There.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08What?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Held it in.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14And what's he getting up to in that bathroom?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16No worse than what you get up to in there.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I've seen him. I've seen him with a syringe.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Taking God knows what in our house where our children sleep.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Don't be ridiculous, he's probably diabetic.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Oh, that's very convenient, that, isn't it?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Stupid eejit with his stories about David Attenborough
0:17:32 > 0:17:33and his dolphin noises.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35(STRAINED DOLPHIN NOISE)
0:17:35 > 0:17:37So annoying! Tom!
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Oh, thinks he's better than me. Making sure everybody likes him.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Taking over my wife, house and kids.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46(VACUUM WHIRS)
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Now, have I got your attention?
0:17:48 > 0:17:52He's not trying to take over your house, wife and kids.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55He's not a drug addict and he's staying here
0:17:55 > 0:17:57until he finds somewhere to rent, OK?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Now, what's going to happen now is
0:17:59 > 0:18:02you're going to turn the light off, you're going to go to sleep
0:18:02 > 0:18:05and when I take this off your mouth you're not going to say another word.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09(GASPS FOR AIR)
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Good boy.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Stupid chin.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21(VACUUM WHIRS)
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Night!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25(VACUUM STOPS)
0:18:26 > 0:18:27(VACUUM WHIRS)
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Oh!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38(VACUUM WHIRS)
0:18:40 > 0:18:45# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #
0:18:47 > 0:18:49And this little fella is an ocelot.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Like the ones me and Dave woke to find one morning had eaten all our sandwiches.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57He used some language I won't repeat in front of you children.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Was it bollix?
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Dad says that a lot.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06That's because he's Irish, Drew. That's not a swearword in Ireland.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09So, will you be looking at a lot of houses today, Karl?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Yeah, don't worry, I'll be out of your hair pretty soon.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Oh, no, no. There's no rush.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Tom was only saying last night how great it was to have you around.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Morning!
0:19:20 > 0:19:27Just recycling a few things to save the polar bears in the South Pole.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Polar bears live in the North Pole, Tom.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Oh, yeah, well, they do now.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35But, yeah, before, they had to move from the South Pole
0:19:35 > 0:19:38because of all the rubbish in the South Pole.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41You're supposed to separate that stuff, Dad.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Well, at least it's further away from the South Pole.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44North Pole.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49North Pole. And by doing this, I've saved at least ten penguins.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Polar bears.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Polar bears in the South Pole.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53North Pole. North Pole!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Ah, great lads, these, aren't they?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Great chaps.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Everything all right today, love?
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Yep, absolutely fabulous, my darling. Morning.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Karl.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Nice chin.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Mmm, yes, it is.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21I, er...was doing a bit of Chinnercise with Tim next door.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25What are you doing? I'm going to kill you for this!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Take it off, before I recycle your face.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Don't know what you're talking about.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32What about ye?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Rodster.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Hey, man.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Thanks for inviting me out last night.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Haven't had a night like that since me and Dave had a bit of a messy one in Bangkok.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Bangkok.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Did you, er...? Did you go out with Karl last night without asking me?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Don't worry, Tom, it'll be your turn tonight.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I think somebody's skinny-dipping in your drink there.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Hey, guys, what about some magic?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Yeah, magic!
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Follow me.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05I always loved it when you did magic, Karl.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Karl, wait for the Rodster. I love magic too.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15OK. There's nothing in the cup.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I'll do the magic in the house, thanks, Karl.
0:21:21 > 0:21:27OK, nothing in the cup. Nothing in the cup at all.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29It's in your hand.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Well...yeah, you can...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Yes, you could but, er...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Let me see if I can remember my version.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41OK. Here's a magic coin.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Now, throw it up into the air.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46(COIN LANDS IN CUP)
0:21:47 > 0:21:49(GASPS)
0:21:49 > 0:21:54Well, yes, that is... This is good, but I-I-I've got a better one.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I have a better one. Great!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58OK, look, I need an assistant.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00(RODDY FLAILS)
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Roddy. OK, Roddy, you can help.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05OK, right, erm... Right, do some magic music
0:22:05 > 0:22:09while the great Tomingo prepares himself.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10So make up magic music.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12The great Tomingo!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14(HUMS CIRCUS MUSIC)
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Yay, Dad's floating! It's a miracle!
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Oh, Tom, that is hilarious.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Dad, I can see your feet.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Oh, no, don't... Ah!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37This is embarrassing. Can we see Karl's magic now?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Why don't you do that thing, Karl?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41What, the thing I used to do in college?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Yeah. Well, I'll need my glamorous assistant.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53OK...now watch my feet.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Woah, that is so cool!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Oh, my God, he was actually levitating, Dad.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Thank you, well...
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Ah, yeah, whatever. Cooee!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Hey, why don't you kids go and play upstairs.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Woah, I'll...I'll tell the kids what to do. It's cool.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33They are my children. Kids, why don't...?
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Yeah, yeah, why don't you go...upstairs or...out the back and play or...?
0:23:40 > 0:23:45Oh, Elaine, if things had only been different.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50We had the world in our hands, could have gone anywhere, done anything.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53But instead you chose this.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55(TOM SQUEALS)
0:23:58 > 0:24:02I knew it! I knew you were here to try and get back Elaine.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Looking at houses, me hoop!
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Hey, Tom, listen, I think we may have got off to a bad start.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Woah, woah, woah, lads, lads, lads. Come on now, come on now, back off, back off.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Sit down, Roddy.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Fair enough, fair enough.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16(ALARM BEEPS)
0:24:16 > 0:24:18If you'll just excuse me.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Where are you off to, Karl? Off to shoot up a bit of heroin?
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Tom! Tom!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Roddy! What?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I don't know what the hell is going on.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Heroin, Tom? Is that what you think?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32You come here telling us all that you're looking at houses
0:24:32 > 0:24:34when you clearly aren't
0:24:34 > 0:24:39and then you keep popping off to the toiler to chase the...dinosaur.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Dragon. Dragon, thank you, Elaine.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Listen, Tom, I was out with Karl last night
0:24:44 > 0:24:46and I never seen him take any drugs.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Then what's this, Smacky?
0:24:48 > 0:24:49Tom!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Yeah, that's it.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Pop off to the loo there and shoot up a bit of brown...butter.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Sugar, Tom. Sugar, thanks, Mum.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Er...I've been injecting.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Yes, he has.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I've been injecting Botox into my chin.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14He's put what in his where now?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16What are we all gasping at?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Botox, Pat. He's been putting Botox into his chin.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23This chin, Elaine.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26It looks amazing and its great to have around
0:25:26 > 0:25:29but all it does is cause me trouble.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32With a great chin comes great responsibility.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37Underneath this is just the chin of an ordinary man.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Why, Karl? You look great, even without that chin.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49I'm a fool, Elaine.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55This chin just makes so many people happy, except for one person - me.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00You know, I secretly thought that I'd come back here
0:26:00 > 0:26:03and me and my chin would sweep you off your feet
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and we could start again,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08but now I realise you've got a great husband in Tom,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11wonderful children, a beautiful mother-in-law...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18...a fantastic buddy in Rodster...
0:26:22 > 0:26:23...and Pat.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I don't belong here anymore.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30It's time for me to say goodbye.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Goodbye.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37(RODDY AND MARY) No, no, no!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44And to think,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I could have been sitting on that chin for the rest of me life.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I'd better go and see he's all right.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55I'm sorry for being a...
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Arse, Tom. The word you're looking for is arse.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59An arse.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02But why don't you come back again some time? That'd be great.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I'd like that, thanks, Tom. Bye, kids.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Mary.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14Rodster.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Bye, Pat.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Do we make a wish?
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Eejit!
0:27:26 > 0:27:27And Elaine.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39(LAUGHS HEARTILY)
0:27:43 > 0:27:45What did you say there, Tom?
0:27:45 > 0:27:49I said, er, "Thanks, Karl. Thanks, Karl."
0:27:49 > 0:27:53You know, I was never interested in his chin.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06# I think I'll rest a little more
0:28:06 > 0:28:10# Cos the noise in my head keeps banging at the door
0:28:10 > 0:28:13# Something easy I'll find hard
0:28:13 > 0:28:17# It's the man in me that keeps me running scared
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# Cos your life spins round like a merry-go-round
0:28:21 > 0:28:26# And you can't escape from these ups and downs
0:28:26 > 0:28:29# Your dream's on hold for this crazy world
0:28:29 > 0:28:33# But I wouldn't change a thing. #