0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:07- 30 seconds to go - eBay is such a buzz!- We're on £17! Do we have £18?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- £18.25? £18.50?!- OK, do stop that. - I'm doing an auction.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15£19! Yes, looking for £20 now. Yes, thank you, sir, Mr BeeGee74!
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- Do we have £21?- I'm biding my time! - It's bidding, Tom, not biding!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Bidding!- Then I pounce like a snake, like a business snake!- £22! 23!
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Then 24! Oh, it's neck and neck! And look, it's BeeGee74 on the inside,
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- steaming into first place! - I mean, that is horse racing!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31- Oh, come on, 10 seconds left! Going once...- I lay the trap...
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- ..going twice! Just hurry up and BIDE!- ..I coax them in...
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- Going three times!- ..and pounce!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39THEY ROAR
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- Ha-ha!- Sold!
0:00:41 > 0:00:42GLASS SHATTERS, LAPTOP THUDS
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- Maybe type in coffee table?- Yeah!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53This is Flat News.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55JINGLE PLAYS
0:00:57 > 0:00:59After our momentous eBay victory
0:00:59 > 0:01:037-10 working days ago, the package arrives today!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Naz Osmanoglu is waiting at the front door.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Naz, what's the atmosphere like down there?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I don't know what that word means, Tom,
0:01:11 > 0:01:14but the feeling down here is absolutely joyful.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16People are queueing by the letterbox to catch
0:01:16 > 0:01:19a glimpse of the package they all love and adore.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23This man's come all the way from his bedroom. Isn't that right?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Mm-hm! I've been sat staring at the door for the last five hours!
0:01:26 > 0:01:31- Even though the e-mail said it would arrive between 10 and 6?- Yes!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I was keen to get a good spot.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35There's nothing weird about what I'm doing!
0:01:35 > 0:01:39The stage is set, Tom. Where is the package? When will it arrive?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Will it be in a jiffy bag?
0:01:41 > 0:01:42The bathroom door remains
0:01:42 > 0:01:44without a handle on the inside,
0:01:44 > 0:01:45after Naz destroyed it
0:01:45 > 0:01:47trying to escape his own smell.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Its latest victim? Third housemate Mikey.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- BANGING ON DOOR - Guys? The door's stuck.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55- BANGING AND KNOCKING - Guys? Can you let me out, please?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- Guys?- Can you, er, turn it up?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00In Lift Talk this morning, I help new next-door neighbour
0:02:00 > 0:02:03and most beautiful girl in the world Sophie with her shopping.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I promise you, Sophie, it's not a problem!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Tom, it's very kind, but really, you don't have to.- No, no!- Um...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Seriously, mate, just put 'em down. I've got it.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13And finally, Naz is yet again
0:02:13 > 0:02:16applying to be a contestant on Dragons' Den.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19He joins us in the studio to discuss his latest invention -
0:02:19 > 0:02:21the Swiss Army Hat.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Naz, what the hell are you thinking?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Either Deborah Meaden, for her firm hand.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Or Peter Jones, for his big head.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Surely an army would just wear helmets?- A valid point.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33But does a helmet come with a foldout hacking saw?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Hungry? Whoops, it's a spork!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Lego man - just for me, really.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40And, on the back, emergency ham.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42You can also wear it as a handy ha...
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Agh! ..hat! You can wear it as a hat.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Thanks, Naz, who, for some reason, thinks this attempt to
0:02:47 > 0:02:51get on Dragons' Den will fare better than his previous six failures.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Literally no point even filling in the form.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55No need to rub it in, mate!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Ah! How am I rubbing it in?
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is the Swiss Army crap doing on the plinth?!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- That is where the package is going! - Then where's my hat supposed to go?!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I don't care! A bonfire? The sea?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09It's 200m water resistant, so it could live in the sea!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Stick with the bonfire! Just do not ruin my living room!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- It's my living room too! - I pay the mortgage.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- BOTH: Shut up, Mikey! - You stinky little shit!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Sort out the mail, please. - TOM IMITATES MIKEY
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Why are you wearing that? - Just to remind Naz he'll never get in my den.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- It's not your den, you shit lizard! - MIKEY LAUGHS
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- LAUGHTER STOPS - All right!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30You named the plinth, I decide what goes on it!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32It's not going to look good on Plinth George!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35It's much better in the jungle, amongst the shrub!
0:03:35 > 0:03:38It's not shrub, it's shrubs, and they're not shrubs, they're ferns!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40And it's not going in front of my degree!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Philosophy isn't a real degree. - Maybe, but... What is real?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- OK, this clearly isn't working.- Hmm.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48We should wait for the package to arrive before we decide I'm right.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- HE SIGHS:- What are we going to do for the next six hours?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I don't know.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Just wait, I guess.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00PARODY OF BIG BROTHER THEME
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- GEORDIE ACCENT:- 'It's 10.45am in the Big Flat,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12'and housemates are waiting for the package.'
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I'm bored!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Is that helping?- No.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- I'm so bored!- You don't have to keep saying you're bored.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- I understand you're bored. - Yeah, but I'm bored.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I'm bored!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33'11.50am.'
0:04:33 > 0:04:35HORN TOOTS
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Stop it!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Agh! Ah! Aa-a-agh!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44No cock shots! No cock shots!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51That's Jenga!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56'It's 2.54pm, and housemates
0:04:56 > 0:04:59'are STILL waiting for the package.'
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Oh? Oh, what...?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03What the hell are you doing?! What the hell are you doing?!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- I'm playing with my Lego man! - Eugh, is that a euphemism?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08No, it's a type of toy, Tom!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10DOORBELL RINGS
0:05:11 > 0:05:13The package!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- It's going on the plinth! - It's going in the jungle!- No!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Oh! Agh! No!
0:05:18 > 0:05:22SWISS ARMY HAT RATTLES, TOM YELLS
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Is that a pizza cutter?!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Eugh!- Whoop-dee-doo!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30MAN OUTSIDE: Ow!
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Package! Package!
0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Oh!- So, I've come to talk about the bollard situation.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- What?- I have complained to the council,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40but apparently, I'm the one with the attitude problem.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Mmm.- Sure, don't know what you're talking about.- So, what's your goss?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Er, what? Oh, just coming, Tom.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Are you excited for Sophie's party?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Huh?- Sophie's party tonight.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Here. Yeah, she's, er, going to be serving vodka.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Apparently, it's a type of Russian beer!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Ah, I don't think I was actually invited.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Oh?
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Oh, no! What, you didn't get an invite? Oh, that's awkward!
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Oh... That is awkward. I... (I can hardly speak.)
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Why's she done that, do you think? Quite a sophisticated event.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18I mean, you know, I think maybe she thought you're a bit childish?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Anyway, I'm really excited,
0:06:20 > 0:06:24because, the last time I went to a party, er, there was a cat,
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and it had a furball, and I had to give it mouth-to-mouth.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It just popped out the other end, which was the weird bit!- OK!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Well, good luck with the bollard. - I'm sorry you didn't get invited
0:06:32 > 0:06:35to the party. Will I save you a wee bit of cake?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Sophie didn't invite me to her party, cos she thinks I'm childish!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Oh, sorry, mate. - This is your fault!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43YOU'RE a child and I've been tarred with the same brush!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Ha! You said "tard"!- Case in point! You will never get on the Den!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Oh, you will see me on Dragons' Den! It is my dens-tiny!
0:06:49 > 0:06:52I can go to a sophisticated event! I'm an adult!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- I've got a library!- When have you ever read any of these?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57- At least I've read some books! - I've read loads of book!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Connect 4 instructions do not count!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02"Oh, I'm Tom! I like to flick through the dog-eared pages of..."
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Whoops! It's never been opened! - Oh, it's on my list!- You're a fake!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Well, I think you're just jealous of how mature and cultured I am.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Oh, yeah! I know how cultured you think you are!
0:07:16 > 0:07:22Hi! I'm Tom Rosenthal, philosopher, book reader, wanker!
0:07:22 > 0:07:26As a wanker, I like to laze about all day, scoffing Haribo
0:07:26 > 0:07:30and watching repeats of SpongeBob in my pants!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33But when I hear my flatmates arriving, I quickly switch
0:07:33 > 0:07:39to BBC Four and pretend to be watching a documentary about canals.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Like many wankers, naturally, I framed my own graduation photograph.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48But eagle-eyed viewers will notice that my non-wanker housemate
0:07:48 > 0:07:53has brilliantly and artistically drawn cocks upon't.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54What the hell?!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Yeah? Well, joke's on you!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Because I've got another ten copies for my friends and family
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- and, due to low uptake, I have... ten spares.- Oh, yes, I know.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Oh...- Eugh!- ..look how happy he is holding his cock!
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Mummy will be so proud!
0:08:06 > 0:08:10Hang on, I missed a bollock on that one. Where's my hat sharpie?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Where's my awesome hat? Little hat lad?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Hmm, maybe it blew away, after I threw it out the window with my hand.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Anyway, it does free up the plinth. NAZ GASPS
0:08:18 > 0:08:20How am I supposed to cut peaches and do grouting now?!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Oh, that package is NEVER going on George!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I decide what goes on the Fresh Plinth of Bel-Air!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- That is not his name!- I changed it! It's my plinth and my living room!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Well, technically, I own... - BOTH: Oh, shut up, Mikey!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34'An unhappy Tom
0:08:34 > 0:08:37'has come to the Diary Room.'
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- MAN:- Hello, Tom. - Hello, Big Flat.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41So, how are you feeling today, Tom?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43It's like living with a bearded toddler!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Sophie thinks I'm childish and it's his fault! HE'S the child!
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- Didn't you throw his hat out the window?- What's your point? Shut up!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52The package is going on that plinth! If Naz was allowed
0:08:52 > 0:08:55to make decisions, this place would literally fall apart!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I'm thinking about smashing up his bookcase next,
0:08:57 > 0:08:59then I'll eat his books! Then, a few hours later,
0:08:59 > 0:09:03I'll poo myself some qualifications! Who's the philosopher now, Tom?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- You're keeping something from Tom, aren't you, Naz?- Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10I actually was invited to Sophie's party.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12It was only Tom who wasn't.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- 'Are you planning to tell him? - No! He's my best mate.'
0:09:15 > 0:09:18It would...it would kill him.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19BOTTLE CLINKS
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- NAZ SIGHS:- 'Look, all I really want'
0:09:21 > 0:09:24is for Tom to take me seriously.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28I was really proud of my Swiss Army Hat! It was all mine!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Apart from the 20% equity I was going to give to
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Peter "Big Head" Jones, but Tom...
0:09:33 > 0:09:36HE SIGHS DEEPLY
0:09:36 > 0:09:37All I want is his respect.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41HE GRUNTS THEN FARTS
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Naz? You in there, mate?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Hey, mate, look, I'm sorry about earlier.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Hey! He...!
0:09:49 > 0:09:50HEY!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53'Tom has locked Naz in the Diary Room,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57'so he can prepare the display plinth for the package.'
0:10:00 > 0:10:03HE WHISTLES TO HIMSELF
0:10:03 > 0:10:04DOORBELL RINGS
0:10:06 > 0:10:07EXCITED GIGGLES
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- I didn't order a pizza. - Let him out.- Oh, what?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16You think, just cos you're bigger than me, I'll do what you say?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Why are you letting people lock you in the toilet?- Cos I'm an idiot!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Would an idiot invent this?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- All right, mate!- Yeah! - How'd you know this belongs to me?!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Cos you've written "mine" on the little man.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- HE LAUGHS - Only you would do that!
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Well, it IS mine. - Crazy features on this hat.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- Did you see the emergency luncheon meat?- Game changer!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38But Tom doesn't think it'll get on Dragons' Den.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40You've got original ideas, man!
0:10:40 > 0:10:44The inventor's calling is to see things what other people don't see.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Like a little man on a hat! - Like a little man on a hat.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49But Tom doesn't think I should even fill out the application form!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Believe in your ideas!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53HE SNIFFS
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- You smell that?- The ham? - No! Originality!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59But it's nothing if you ain't got faith!
0:10:59 > 0:11:03You think, like, Leonardo da Vinci quit every time he felt like a plum?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06He's like, "No, no, I ain't no plum!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09"I'm going to da Vinci the shit out of this self-propelled car
0:11:09 > 0:11:13"and, afterwards, I might draw me a man with loads of arms!"
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Trust me!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18You're going to be a world-famous inventor.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22A millionaire, living on a beach in Brazil.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- A Brazilian-aire!- Exactly!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Take this Hawaiian.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29The man who invented this - people laughed at him!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Putting ham and pineapple together!
0:11:31 > 0:11:36His own mother slapped him! Now, he probably owns Hawaii.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- A Hawaiian-aire!- OK, that doesn't work with all the countries.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Go and fill out that Dragons' Den application.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46And where it says name, don't write "mine".
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Thanks, Carl.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Oh, the hat's back. What, is it a boomerang as well?- Ha-ha(!)
0:11:59 > 0:12:02No-one ever thought this pizza would work!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, you got a Hawaiian? Eugh, rank-oh!
0:12:04 > 0:12:09- I'm not stupid, Tom! I'm going to be a Brazilian-aire in...Hawaii!- Huh?!
0:12:09 > 0:12:10It means I'm a brilliant inventor!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Oh, what, like Alexander Graham Bell-End?- Yeah!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Benjamin Wank-lin?- Exactly! I could be any one of those guys... - That's not their names!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- My inventions are not stupid! - Are you sure? Are you sure?
0:12:23 > 0:12:27This is Naz's 50 Stupidest Inventions!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30At 50, Naz's easy snack snacking slippers!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- STRONG ESSEX ACCENT:- When he's watching TV, Naz is so lazy!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Like he don't even get up to go tinkle!
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- POSH ACCENT:- He is just such a lazy-poo! Lazy-kins! Just lays there
0:12:39 > 0:12:40like a big old lazy-boo-boo!
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- Naz is lazier than my metabolism.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46But he is always snacking! Oh, little piggy!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- HE SNORTS - You know, crisps, nachos!
0:12:48 > 0:12:52And prawns! And Chinese people's food!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54So he's got some slippers...
0:12:54 > 0:12:57And sort of, like, you know like a fly squatter?
0:12:57 > 0:12:58..and a flyswatter.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02What? Swatter? Ha! I got it... Sorry, like...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- FlySWATTER! Sorry! - GIGGLING
0:13:04 > 0:13:06And he sort of attached them.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09What have you made now?! That is laughably poor!
0:13:09 > 0:13:13So, like, fly squatter... Squatter?! Swatter, sorry! Ha-ha!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17And he sort of flicks the nachos into his mooth.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Like a kind of Dorito pelican.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Ugh! Agh!
0:13:21 > 0:13:22It's weird.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. - Ha-ha!
0:13:25 > 0:13:26You don't belong on Dragons' Den!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29You don't even belong in the bit with the weird little troll guy!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Well, at least I have an invite to Sophie's party!
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- What?- And you don't have one, because she thinks you're childish!
0:13:36 > 0:13:37- She invited you?- Yeah!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- So who's the child now? Hmm? - Oi!- Who's the child now, Tom?!
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Who's the child now?!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Come back! We're going to talk about this now!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48No, don't shut the... DOOR SLAMS
0:13:48 > 0:13:50..door!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- HE SIGHS: You've locked us in!- No.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55'Naz has locked them in the toilet.'
0:13:55 > 0:13:57DOORBELL RINGS
0:13:57 > 0:13:58The package!
0:13:58 > 0:14:02- HEY!- Hey! We're in here!- Hey! Just leave it!- Just leave it there!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Don't go... - DOORBELL RINGS
0:14:04 > 0:14:06BOTH: HEY!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Leave it! Just leave... Leave it!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- BOTH SOBBING Leave it!- Oh, no!- No!
0:14:12 > 0:14:17- No!- No!- No!- No! HE SOBS LOUDLY:- No! No! Ah!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19NAZ WAILS
0:14:21 > 0:14:26This is Flat News. It is with great sadness I must inform you
0:14:26 > 0:14:31that, only minutes ago, the package has passed.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33We now go live to the front door,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36where mourners are gathering to pay their respects.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Sorry, Naz Osmanoglu doesn't appear to be there,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43because he's locked us in the fucking toilet!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- How are you, Naz?- Not great.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53We've been here for ages and Tom's not really saying anything.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55(I think he's upset!)
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I can hear you!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59(I think he can hear me!)
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- Oh, my God, it's Mike! - Where?- I thought he was at work?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Sophie's Periscoping from her party!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Oh, that stinky shitty little shit!
0:15:08 > 0:15:11He got an invite - Mike! How is he an adult?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13He just got a job. And a suit. And a flat!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Yeah, he's still a stinky little shit!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- MUSIC PLAYS, PEOPLE CHATTER MIKE:- Woohoo!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20HE SWITCHES VIDEO OFF
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I mean, Sophie's right.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24I AM a child. I'm wearing a dragon onesie
0:15:24 > 0:15:27and I've just been sat in the bathtub pretending to do the news!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Hey, mate, at least you've had a bath this week -
0:15:29 > 0:15:31that's pretty sophisticated!
0:15:31 > 0:15:34If Sophie can't see that, she's the one who's missing out!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Just like BeeGee74!
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- What, that sucker on eBay?- Ha, yeah!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41We auctioned that guy big time!
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Yeah, that's not really what you say, but...we did. Ha!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Maybe I should read more book.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Are my inventions stupid?
0:15:56 > 0:16:01Nah! They... Listen, I've read lots of books, lots of books,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03but I've never invented anything.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06You know what? I take it back. You keep going.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- You'll definitely get on the Den. - Thanks, man.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Tell you what - why don't you take me through the hat again?- Oh, yeah!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17All right, so on the underside, you've got your basics -
0:16:17 > 0:16:20your scissors, your pomegranate deseeder, then, going anticlockwise
0:16:20 > 0:16:23from there, you've got your device for opening jammed doors,
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- this is for whittling wood... - Opening jammed doors?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Yeah, you're right - it's probably a bit unnecessary.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32We'll remove it before we go into full production.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33You're a genius!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Oh!
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Mission success!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40In a way.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Yeah, it's Mikey's flat.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- He can pay for it.- Yeah!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48We missed you more, DHL!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50We missed you more.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- You should probably throw that away now.- Yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I think I'll go and throw this away...in my room.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58DOORBELL RINGS
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Oh...
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Is it the package? - No, it's Aoife.- Eugh!
0:17:04 > 0:17:05My feet are sweating.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Um...what do you want?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Don't worry. The party's not that fun.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER - Ha! That's Michael!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16That boy is a riot!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Anyway, this got delivered to Sophie's house,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22so I thought I would bring it over.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Oh, my God! The package!
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- It's a book, is it?- Er, no, no, not a book.- Imagine, right...
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- SHE HICCUPS - Imagine a giant book.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Jesus, you'd never get that through the letterbox, would you?!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36SHE LAUGHS Um...you enjoyed the vodka, then?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38What? No, I don't drink.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40HE LAUGHS
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Oh?- What did she want?- Er, nothing!
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Um...
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Was she going on about the party?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Er, yeah, yeah, yeah! Boring, mate.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- HE THROWS IT AWAY - Any good stories? Shall I come down?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03No, no, no, no, no! All good, all good!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05OK.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08I'll just be playing with my Lego man.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Eugh!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Hey, mate. Just finished my application form for Dragons' Den.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19How do you spell "mine"?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Oh...
0:18:22 > 0:18:23It came.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It came.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30It looks amazing on the plinth.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33It's so much better on Plinth George! I mean... Ha!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Good job, man, you've got such a good eye for...- Thanks, mate.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38What?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Hmm?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Er...- You broke my hat?- Yeah.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Er, it's just, I was putting it up and it went, you know, agh...
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- You piece of shit!- I...
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- You destroyed my dream!- Your dreams were flimsily constructed.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- OK, it's definitely not going here now!- Don't take it off!- Grr!- NO!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- His feet!- That's your fault.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- He's going in the thicket, where he belongs!- Naz!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Don't do anything stupid, or the hat dies!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Don't do it, Tom! - I will cut your Lego man's head off!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Whoa!
0:19:09 > 0:19:10- Be cool.- You be cool!
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Let's just talk about this like adults.- I'm talking! Let's talk!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- No-one else has to get hurt. - Oh, yeah?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- Ha!- Er... - TOM LAUGHS
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- Not his hat!- You've got something I want, I've got something you want.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- OK, come on, we'll do an exchange. - OK.- OK, on three.- No funny business.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- One...- One...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- ..two...- ..two...
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- ..three!- Ah! BOTH SHOUT
0:19:33 > 0:19:35ARGH!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Ah! Oh! You decapitated him! - You destroyed my hat!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41TOM WHIMPERS You've got cardboard on your hands!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43THEY GRUNT AND ROAR
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Ha-ha! You know what's coming now, boy!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Not the face!- Ha-ha!- Not the face!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52You draw a cock on my face, I'll draw a cock on yours!
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Oh, look at the little balls! Look at the little balls! Ha-ha!
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Who's the child now?!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Guys?- What? Sophie!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03This is...
0:20:03 > 0:20:06And at Number 1, Tom draws a cock on Naz's face
0:20:06 > 0:20:09whilst dressed as a dragon!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Er, I was just seeing if you were coming to my party.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- Er, well, I wasn't invited. - Everyone was.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Er, not me.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Well, your invite's right here.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Um, but I can see that you guys are busy, so I'll just...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26No! No, no, no! ONESIE TEARS
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- TOM SCREAMS - Um...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31HE GIBBERS
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Is that your package?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36NERVOUS LAUGHTER
0:20:41 > 0:20:42NAZ LAUGHS
0:20:42 > 0:20:44BOTH SCREAM
0:20:44 > 0:20:47NEWS JINGLE PLAYS
0:20:47 > 0:20:51'Coming up, toilet door problems escalate...'
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- Please don't watch. - Probably watch?- We should watch.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56'..Naz invents popcorn trousers...'
0:20:56 > 0:20:58YEAH!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00'..flatmates finally sort the mail...'
0:21:05 > 0:21:07'..and our auction rival makes contact.'
0:21:07 > 0:21:11It's just... You know, I would've really liked that cut-out.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13This is Flat News.