0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I opened the cafe with my friend Boo. Yeah, she's dead now.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13- My sister.- I have two degrees, a husband and a Burberry coat.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16- I know what you were doing. - I was watching the news.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- Heard from Dad?- Nope.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20All right, Dad?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Dad's way of coping with two motherless daughters
0:00:22 > 0:00:24was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26start fucking our godmother and eventually stop calling.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28It's very valuable, actually.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29- How much?- Thousands.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Can I have it?
0:00:32 > 0:00:33No.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Please don't contact me
0:00:34 > 0:00:37or turn up at my house drunk in your underwear.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- It won't work this time. - It will.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51MUSIC: Sail by AWOLNATION
0:01:36 > 0:01:37I think my period's coming.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41DOORBELL CHIMES
0:01:43 > 0:01:45O...K.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Hi.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Are you all right? What's happened? Are you hurt?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50- No.- Oh, good.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Nice haircut.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54It's better.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Can I come in?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Why didn't you text?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Well, I just thought I'd pop by.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Tell the truth. - I need to speak to Martin.- Martin?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Martin. Martin!- Why on earth would you want to speak to...
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- Martin?- Hello! Hello! My wife in my study! hello!
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Give me two.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Gang bangs, Asian, I'd put a tenner on it.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Finished.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Well, hello, you.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22HE CHUCKLES
0:02:22 > 0:02:24She wants to talk to you about something.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Oh, well, it must be my lucky day.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29You said she only likes to talk to people she fancies.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Ergh.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Can you leave us?- Why?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36He's organising your surprise birthday party.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40A...
0:02:40 > 0:02:42You know I hate sur...
0:02:42 > 0:02:43OK.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I have a week to organise that now.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Best of luck.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Nice top.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Ergh.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Thanks. Do you deal in sculptures as well as paintings and papier mache?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Depends on the quality of the piece.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Fuck me!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Hm...
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- What a pair!- I know, right?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Where d'you get this?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Oh, just a...
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Stole it from a...market.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16It's quite a piece.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Who's the artist?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Just a...
0:03:20 > 0:03:21..market artist.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Huh.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26If I sell it, I take 10%. Deal?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Deal.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28OK, well,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30I'll get her photographed now.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Don't tell Claire, please.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Or what?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Or I'll...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'll...
0:03:37 > 0:03:39You've got nothing on me, princess.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Or I'll tell her you were watching gang bangs.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Please don't do that again.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51I wasn't, by the way.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Ergh.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Disappointing.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Erm...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Where did you get that?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17I brought it with me.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19No, you didn't. Give it back.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Tight.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Patch things up with Harry?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Yeah, we're, erm...
0:04:24 > 0:04:25We're engaged, so...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27God! What?
0:04:27 > 0:04:28No, we're not engaged!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31No, he's back at the flat packing up all his stuff again.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Oh.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I'm sorry.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35He really...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37..used to make you laugh.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40He also used to say things like...
0:04:40 > 0:04:41You're not like other girls.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43You can...
0:04:43 > 0:04:44..keep up.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47I like Harry.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I liked his songs.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I admire how much Harry commits to our break-ups.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I mean, this is a new detail,
0:05:08 > 0:05:10but he does usually go the extra mile.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13A few times he's even cleaned the whole flat.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17HE SOBS
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Like it's a crime scene.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I've considered timing a break-up
0:05:21 > 0:05:24for when the flat needs a bit of a going over.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26MUSIC PLAYS
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I don't think this is working.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37What?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40But he always leaves...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47..him
0:05:47 > 0:05:48to come back for.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Got to think about all the people I can have sex with now.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I'm not obsessed with sex,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I just can't stop thinking about it.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00The performance of it.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02The awkwardness of it.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04The drama of it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08The moment you realise someone wants
0:06:08 > 0:06:10your body.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Not so much the feeling of it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Probably got about 48 hours before Harry comes back.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22I should get on it.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I took half an hour trying to look nice
0:06:25 > 0:06:28and I ended up looking amazing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Just one of those days.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Gorgeous, freshfaced, new top, little bit sexy,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35on my way to open my cafe and...
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Oh, God.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Yeah, you check me out, chub-chub,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41cos it's never going to happen.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Oh, God, he can't believe how attractive I am.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Kind of worried I'm going to make a sex offender out of the poor guy.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Here we go. This better be good. Here we go.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- HE COUGHS:- Walk of shame.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53- BELL RINGS - Oi!
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Oh.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Dropped my cucumber.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Just dropped my...
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Erm... Could I get a cheese sandwich to go, please?
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Sure.
0:07:29 > 0:07:35That'll be, er, £12.55, please.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37London, eh?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Thanks.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Where do I recognise her? Is she famous?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Boo's death hit the papers.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Local cafe girl gets hit by bike
0:07:54 > 0:07:55and a car
0:07:55 > 0:07:57and another bike.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Er, no. She, er... She used to work here.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Oh.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I'm sorry, I don't have any change.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17The next man who walks in here is getting ridden to death.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- Dad!- Hi.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Not ideal.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Erm...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26How are you, eh,
0:08:26 > 0:08:27darling? Erm...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30You busy?
0:08:30 > 0:08:31A bit.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Well, I won't keep you, er...
0:08:34 > 0:08:37I just wanted to talk about, er, you know, when you...
0:08:37 > 0:08:39When you dropped in the other night.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- OK.- I can't help thinking that I...
0:08:43 > 0:08:44- We, er...- Yeah?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I know that we, er...
0:08:47 > 0:08:49..don't have much of a chance to, er...
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Did you take the sculpture?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Did you, erm...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57..take the sculpture?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Did you take it?
0:09:01 > 0:09:02No.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03What sculpture?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Oh, right, fine, good.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Good, you said no and...
0:09:09 > 0:09:11..that means I can go.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12All right, great.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Oh...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Are you ha... Are you healthy?
0:09:18 > 0:09:19WOMAN CHATTERS
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Hey. Do you do, like, hot organic-y food?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Of course.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29What would you like?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- Erm...- Like, risotto.- Yeah.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Sure. Grab a seat.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36WOMEN CHATTER
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Hey.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Hi.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Hey.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Hey.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02It's nice to see you.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03You, too.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Fucked me up the arse.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07What are you getting?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Oh, just these. For my...
0:10:09 > 0:10:11..tiny, bleeding vagina.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Hot.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- You?- Stock cubes.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Hot.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I hope it's a light flow.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh, it never is.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23It never...
0:10:23 > 0:10:24..is.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Listen, er,
0:10:28 > 0:10:29you around later?
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Er...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Yes, fucking yes, please, yes.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Yes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Cool.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Cool.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Yes!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I'm so happy with my body now.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I don't have to define myself by how I look
0:10:49 > 0:10:52because I've just got a fucking great body.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Yeah, I can do other stuff now! - That's so great!
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Mike wants to start trying for a baby.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- OK.- No...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I can't blow this body on a baby, Steph.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I'm going to have to leave him.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07THEY SCREAM
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Oh, shit. Oh.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10That is not hygienic.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Sorry.- Oh, gross.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14We're leaving now.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I suppose you should meet Hillary.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Two years ago, I...
0:11:20 > 0:11:22OK. The most important thing is, if you don't like it,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- we can't take it back, OK?- OK.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Happy birthday.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27I'm sorry, I panicked.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30As long as I can wear it or eat it I'm happy.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33You can do both of those things.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Oh, my God, did you get me a...
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- What is this?- I...
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- What the... What is...- I don't know.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- What is it?- Something to love.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43She's beautiful!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47You idiot!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Escape artist.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I don't feel anything about guinea pigs,
0:11:57 > 0:11:58they're pointless,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00but Boo took Hillary very seriously as a gift
0:12:00 > 0:12:04and, soon, everything became guinea pig-related.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09This is an excellent one.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Drink?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Look, I'm, er, sorry about the mess.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22No problem.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Do you want some prosciutto with that?- Mm.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Mm.- Mm.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Oh.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35So reliable.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Utterly inaccessible.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Relentlessly profound.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41All he wants is to get you in the bath and ask questions like...
0:12:41 > 0:12:42What are you afraid of?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46And you find yourself saying things like...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I guess...
0:12:48 > 0:12:50..losing the currency of youth.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Ask me a question.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00When did you realise you were so good looking?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I knew I was different when I was about nine,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06but shit got real around 11.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Shit got real?
0:13:08 > 0:13:09You know...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Aunts got weird.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I have another question.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18OK.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Do you ever feel lonely?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Yeah.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Of course.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Do you?
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Never.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Do you want some pineapple?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Yeah.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48God, yeah!
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Oh, they're so small!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54They are so small!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- What?- They're so small!
0:13:57 > 0:13:58- So...- Small!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01God, they are so fucking tiny!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Yeah, I guess they're...
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Oh, God, they're hardly even there!
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I mean, where the fuck even are they?
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Bit much.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Excuse me!
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Oh, yeah!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I'm having a Harry panic.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Madame Ovary's telling me to run back to safe place,
0:14:21 > 0:14:22I can make baby in safe place,
0:14:22 > 0:14:24but you've got to ride it out.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Mustn't call Ha...
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Thanks for coming.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38That's OK.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Are you OK?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Your message sounded urgent.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Were you busy?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- No, I was in the interval... - Oh, cool.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- ..of Cats.- OK.- The musical.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Was it good?
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Really good, actually.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Really good.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Sorry for interrupting. - No, that's OK.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I, er... I got the feeling it wasn't going to end well for the cats,
0:15:00 > 0:15:04so probably good to remember them like that before they all...
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Sorry. Erm...
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Are you OK?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Who were you with?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12A work friend.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15A girl.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I, erm...
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I found this.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Thanks.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I didn't realise I'd left it.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Why's your hair wet?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Don't look at me like that.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Like what? Like what?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Look, I don't want to sound cold or cruel or... You know...
0:15:53 > 0:15:56And I don't want to think I'm just off happy at the theatre
0:15:56 > 0:15:57all the time, either, I'm not,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59but...
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I'm not going to... I just...
0:16:01 > 0:16:03If this is about us getting back together, I was serious,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05this time I'm not just going to come running back.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I really just need some time away from...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I'm so glad you called.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14I'm so glad you picked up.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16I've missed you.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20I've missed you.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Oh, my gosh, you feel good.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I wish he'd just fuck me.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30All he wants to do is make love.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Are you OK?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yeah, I'm really good. I'm amazing.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36He's wasting me.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40I was once fucking this guy who would breathe on every thrust...
0:16:40 > 0:16:43You're so young! You're so young!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I masturbate about that all the time.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I masturbate a lot these days.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Especially when I'm bored.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Or angry.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Or upset.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Can we just...?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Or happy.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Oh. Yeah.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Ah.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Yeah.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Amazing.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- Shall I?- No, could you just...
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Just stay there.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Ah.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12No, don't. Just...
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Ah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Yeah. Sh, sh! Ah!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Yeah.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Yes. Just...
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Ah, just...
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Ah, God.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Ah!
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Oh! Oh!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Oh!
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Ah!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Look, I think we should stop masturbating.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And don't say anything yet, I just...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I just think it might help us focus on each other.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59You know, be more present.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Really successful couples do it.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Erm...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I've hidden our vibrators.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Our?
0:18:07 > 0:18:08I thought it might be fun.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09To find them?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11No, just to try and not...
0:18:12 > 0:18:15..touch ourselves, to try and...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17..save our touches...
0:18:17 > 0:18:20..for each other. I mean, what do you think?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Well, I think you're being really sexy.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Don't!- Oh! I'm joking.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I never masturbate.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28I don't know how.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Yeah, also, I thought we should try and surprise each other
0:18:35 > 0:18:37once every day, just a, you know...
0:18:37 > 0:18:39A sweet little something, just to keep it...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- You know?- Are you getting this out of a book?
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I've already planned your first surprise, so...
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Don't eat too much before dinner.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55See you later.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59And I will see you later, too.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06DOOR OPENS
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Hi.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Just thought I'd pop by for some lunch.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Bit weird.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Yes, well...
0:19:20 > 0:19:22How are you?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Quiet day?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Yeah, I'm fine.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26You OK? You look stressed.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Well, I'm successful, so...
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Do you have rye bread?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35No, but I have some normal bread you can puke up after.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Great.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38What do you want on it?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Oh, just tomatoes is fine.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Just tomatoes?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Just a tomato sandwich?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Yes. Is there a problem?
0:19:46 > 0:19:47No.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Listen, I don't want to know anything about this surprise party,
0:19:52 > 0:19:54but, if you could just, erm,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57have it at mine this Friday at 7:30, that'd be great.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I can organise it and act surprised
0:20:00 > 0:20:02but, if you could just, erm...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Do you know what, why don't I just do it?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I can organise it, do the food, act surprised,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09and just take it off your hands.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- I mean, I can see that you're busy, so...- OK, if you want.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Well, I don't want to, but I think it would be easier for everyone
0:20:15 > 0:20:16- if I could just...- OK.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I mean, I've done it, it's done.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20It's this Friday at 7:30 at mine.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Great.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30How behind are you?
0:20:30 > 0:20:31If it's money that you need...
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I don't need money.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35That'll be £25, please.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40London...
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Thanks.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Can't believe that thing's still alive.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Oh, any news on Harry?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Yeah, we're back together.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Oh, God, I can't keep up.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Hello!
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Harry?
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Oh.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Shit.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18SHOWER RUNS
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- Surprise!- Argh!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Argh!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12It's me! It's me! It's me!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Why would you do that? I thought I was going to get raped!
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I'm sorry! Baby, I'm sorry! I thought you wanted a surprise!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18It was a ninja surprise!
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Oh, my God, my heart!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I'm shaking so much! Oh, my God!
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- Oh, my God!- Oh!- Oh, my God!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28OK. It's OK. Are you OK?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Oh, my God.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Did you have a good day?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I did, yeah. Fine, thanks. I'm so sorry.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I'm sorry. I didn't think you were going to react like that.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I'm...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41I'm sorry, it was a joke.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42It was a good joke.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Jesus.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I thought you'd be later.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Argh!- Oh, my God!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Oh, God, sorry! I just had to get that out!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I'm still in shock! I'm still shaking!
0:22:59 > 0:23:00That was horrible.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01It was a surprise.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I know.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Thank you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05It's fine.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Shall I go and get us some wine?
0:23:09 > 0:23:10HE SOBS
0:23:10 > 0:23:11OK.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I know what you look like!
0:23:19 > 0:23:20I know what you took!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22That is the last time!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Splashed out on a special bottle for a special...
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Harry?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35I had to go into the history on my computer
0:23:35 > 0:23:39to find something I'd seen on the H&M website this morning and...
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I don't want to point fingers but...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45..anal, gang bang,
0:23:45 > 0:23:47mature, big cock,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49small tits, hentai,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Asian, teen,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53MILF, big butts,
0:23:53 > 0:23:54lesbian, gay,
0:23:54 > 0:23:56facial, fetish,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58bukaki, young and old,
0:23:58 > 0:24:01swallow, rough, voyeur
0:24:01 > 0:24:02and public.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Why are you being so sexy?
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Don't make me hate you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Loving you's painful enough.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20OK, sorry...
0:24:22 > 0:24:24..but I really think you should write that down.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I know it's not appropriate but I really think
0:24:26 > 0:24:28you should write that down. It's really good...
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- I'm not going to write down... - No, I'm serious!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33For your songs and stuff. It's perfect! It's poetic yet real.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Serious.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Don't...
0:24:46 > 0:24:47..make me...
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- Hate you.- Yeah, I know, thank you.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Loving you is painful...
0:24:56 > 0:24:57What am I doing?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Look, there's someone at work who loves me.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Well, she told me she loves me and I said we couldn't be together
0:25:05 > 0:25:06because I had to know.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Do you want to be alone?
0:25:14 > 0:25:15You will never see me again.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21I'll always love you but I just can't take it any more.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24I don't hate you, I'm scared for you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28He's going to write that down.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38(Don't hate you...
0:25:38 > 0:25:39(Scared...)
0:25:46 > 0:25:51I'm going to go pack my things up from the bedroom again, but, erm...
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I'm... I'm not going to clean.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54It's still in pretty good shape, so...
0:25:57 > 0:25:59If I don't see you after that,
0:25:59 > 0:26:00goodbye.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09DOOR SLAMS
0:26:09 > 0:26:11DOOR OPENS
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Forever.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14DOOR SLAMS
0:26:18 > 0:26:19He'll be back.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34DOOR SLAMS