0:00:02 > 0:00:04What a pair, where did you get this?
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Can I have it?
0:00:05 > 0:00:06No.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Did you take the sculpture?
0:00:09 > 0:00:10No.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12If I sell it I take 10%, deal?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15How behind are you? If it's money that you need...
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I don't need money.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19That'll be £25, please.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23I thought we should try and surprise each other once every day.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26He's organising you a surprise birthday party.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28You know I hate...
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Surprise!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31It's me, it's me.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32THEY SCREAM
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I suppose you should meet Hillary.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36You will never see me again.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I've got to think about all the people I can have sex with now.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39I should get on it.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Jogging.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09This programme contains strong language and scenes of a sexual nature.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I did a fart the other day that was exactly like Mum's.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14A door opening, or suspicious dark?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Door opening.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Means you're getting Mum's bum.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22God, I'd be lucky. My bottom dropped ages ago.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24My farts used to be like, "Pah!"
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Now they're just sort of fighting their way out.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I haven't farted in about three years.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Happy birthday.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- She won't eat it.- Thanks.
0:01:43 > 0:01:49So, it's a 7pm arrival tonight for a 7.30 surprise, OK?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Yeah, I got your e-mail.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52It's really a business birthday thing.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56It won't be much fun, so just don't expect a "party" party.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57I won't.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59And maybe...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01just wear trousers.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02And don't drink too much.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05There's this huge promotion in Finland,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07so this party is quite a serious...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I mean, it's basically a business meeting.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Sounds like a blast.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Can I bring a date?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Harry?- No.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Who?
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Oh, I don't know yet.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24It's really inappropriate to jog around a graveyard.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Why?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Flaunting your life.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34God, I can't wait to be old.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39If it's any consolation, you look older than you are.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41PHONE RINGS
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Sorry, sorry.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Hello, Claire speaking. - Mum died three years ago.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51She had a double mastectomy but never really recovered.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55It was particularly hard, cos she had amazing boobs.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57She used to tell me I was lucky
0:02:57 > 0:02:59cos mine would never get in the way.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01My sister's got whoppers,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03but she got all of Mum's good bits.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06What's Martin given you?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08A cursory stroke would be nice.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10What? No bang-bang?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13He says he's still got that thing on his...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16What?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18On his...
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Come on, you can do it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- I don't have to say... - Yes, you do.- No, not here.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- Come on, little one. Come on, please.- No.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Penis. - Thank you.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31He says he still has that thing on his penis. Sorry.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Christ, look at that man.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Tragic.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Nah, he's a con.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44You can't call someone who is grieving a con.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- That is shit grieving. - Look at him, he's properly grieving.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51- No-one grieves like that unless they are in a film or from Italy.- Who are you to pass judgment on his grief?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Trust me, he's at a different grave every day, he can't get enough of it.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56MAN SOBS
0:03:57 > 0:03:59What?
0:03:59 > 0:04:00You come here every day?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing,
0:04:09 > 0:04:13and don't sing Happy Birthday, I couldn't bear it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14I'm, erm...
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I'm actually looking forward to it.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Hi, Harry, it's me.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Listen, I know we're broken up, but it's Claire's birthday tonight
0:04:25 > 0:04:26and I thought that...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I thought that maybe
0:04:31 > 0:04:32you'd like to come to her...
0:04:35 > 0:04:36..birthday party.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Anyway, give me a call, and I hope you're OK. Bye.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49I can't go out with a dog.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57CAMERA CLICKS
0:05:02 > 0:05:05My boyfriend before Harry used to make me send him pictures of
0:05:05 > 0:05:07my vagina wherever I was,
0:05:07 > 0:05:08ten or 11 times a day.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10One day when I was temping he asked me to...
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Time to throw the net out.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53I am in so much trouble.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Jesus Christ.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56What am I going to get Claire?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I am meant to get her the perfect present.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- I am not drunk.- Always drunk.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I am not drunk!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Which is odd, cos Claire's so straight.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Smack me in the face.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07- Really hard.- Really?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Yeah.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Oh, good.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Fuck.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I think you gave me a semi.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Can I eat a water or a sandwich, or something?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I mean, the man's got a problem.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Speak to me. Speak to me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27But no-one wants to admit there's a problem because then they don't get
0:06:27 > 0:06:29to have crazy nights out with Fun Drunk Martin.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Chicken, are you chicken? No.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34He's one of those men who is explosively sexually inappropriate
0:06:34 > 0:06:37with everyone, but makes you feel bad if you take offence
0:06:37 > 0:06:39because he was "just being fun".
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Honestly, you could tell him you're going to pop to the loo
0:06:42 > 0:06:43and he'll say...
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Yes, you pop to the loo, pull down your knickers,
0:06:46 > 0:06:47and then I will come in
0:06:47 > 0:06:49and fuck you.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I mean, this place is ridiculous.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Does anyone ever come here?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I mean, it is creepy as fuck.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Why don't you get her a guinea pig?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03It was a surprise hit here.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06What, you think she'd like a pig? Can I take this one?
0:07:06 > 0:07:07No, not that one.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Christ, woman, there's something wrong with that one,
0:07:10 > 0:07:12it's got death in its eyes.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Yeah, the vet says she's depressed.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Aren't we all, girl?
0:07:18 > 0:07:22You know, guinea pigs can die of loneliness.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Can they?
0:07:24 > 0:07:25- Hold her.- No.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- She needs it.- No.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Shh!
0:07:29 > 0:07:30I have an idea.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34He's sexually inappropriate and he eats raw sausages but no-one's
0:07:34 > 0:07:37made her laugh like he does, so I guess I have to give him that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Right, just put your... What are you doing? What are you doing?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41- No.- Stop it.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43No, no, no, there.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44There we go.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I'm an innocent man.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50I bought her a necklace with her name on it,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- that she found and told me not to buy.- OK.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I bought her a book
0:07:54 > 0:07:56that she already has.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58She says not to buy her any clothes
0:07:58 > 0:08:00because she probably won't wear them.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01She scares me!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06This sandwich is so good.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Look, this is London.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Just fuck off and buy something weird and expensive.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12No, no, it's got to be good, all right. Help me!
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Pay me and I'll help you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Fuck off.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16How much?
0:08:16 > 0:08:17£60.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18- 70.- Done.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Yeah!
0:08:24 > 0:08:25I don't know who she is.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Is she...?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30No.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33What about...?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34No!
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Just...get whoever you are.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Who are you?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44I don't know.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I want to be that person.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I have been that person.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Ha.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54But most of the time I'm that person, like everyone else.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56They're good, right? Chic.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Chic means boring - don't tell the French.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00What about these?
0:09:00 > 0:09:01No. God.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Stop checking, all right, nobody loves you. Help me here.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Who is this person?
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Fuck, no.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17This is perfect.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Get her something she'd never get herself.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Surprise her.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22She'll think I've gone nuts.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25No, she'll think you see her as this person,
0:09:25 > 0:09:27and everyone wants to be this person.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I don't know, I...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Aren't these for children?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32No.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Let's keep going. I saw some more stuff she'll hate over there.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:47My neighbour
0:09:47 > 0:09:49is really fit.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Which one?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- The fit one. - The one with the sexy big belly?
0:09:52 > 0:09:56No, no, he's the other neighbour. He's like, he's like, OK...
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'm going to hold his face in my head so you can see him.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01OK.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm not getting anything.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Make your face his face.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Yeah, OK.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Is he mixed race?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I'm getting mixed race.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Yes!
0:10:18 > 0:10:19DOOR CLOSES
0:10:19 > 0:10:20- That's him.- Go on.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22No.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23OK. OK!
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Jesus.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I'm really sorry, we're really high.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35We just really wanted to know what you look like.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38She thinks you're lovely.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Oh, my God, look at my elegant feet.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Hello!
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Hey. HEY!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07What's your problem? Who was that?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Oh, no-one, it was...
0:11:10 > 0:11:11What?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15No, no-one. I just need to go and get a drink, or something.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17OK.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Excellent.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Can I go and get my shoes?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Yeah. OK.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Whoa. Easy, tiger.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Coming from you?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41So, come on, who was that heartbreaker, hmm?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45He used to go out with Boo.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Then he slept with someone else, and then she...
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Yeah, yeah, I know, OK.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Fuck.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I've never really said how sorry I was.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59You should get the trainers.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01She'll say I don't know her.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03You don't.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04You're just as bad.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06It's never clear what she wants.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08I should just get her some perfume.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Jesus, just fuck her, please,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13for the love of a good woman.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Just wrap your willy up in a bow
0:12:15 > 0:12:17and just screw her, she's going insane.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23What is it?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Are you having an affair?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Think you're a clever little puss, don't you?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35A little marital poke isn't going to kill you.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Would it kill her to take me out to dinner?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39You girls, Jesus.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Anyone said that to her, they'd be hung.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44If they were hung, she probably wouldn't be complaining.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Little advice from a married man.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03You should probably get yourself out there, sweetie.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05You're just tipping your prime.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Another drink?
0:13:12 > 0:13:13PHONE RINGS
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Bingo.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Excuse me, I have a date.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Get the trainers. Shop closes in an hour.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Oh, God. I was not expecting to see you again.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- Shut up.- I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm chuffed to my boots, but...
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Oh, and thank you for the text, saucy.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Oh, and sorry I'm late.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Oh, no, it's fine, it was last-minute.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- It's really nice to see... - No, no, I'm such a tool box.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43You know, I'd like to say I was trying to save a puppy, or something,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45but I just got my coat caught on someone else's coat outside the Tube.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49When we went to separate ourselves, it was fucking intense - I had to give him my coat.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- What are we doing?- It's my sister's surprise birthday party.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Oh, my God, I love surprises, go on.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56But I just thought... I need to get her a present first.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Oh, my God, what are you going to get her?
0:13:58 > 0:13:59I know this beautiful soap shop.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02I mean, this stuff just gets you straight in the bath.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Oh, I was thinking more like...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Oh, yeah...these places all the time...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12So... Yup.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Are you OK?- Yeah.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Sorry, I won't be long.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Oh, no, no.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Hi.- Hi.- Hi.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Hey, what are you craving?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Oh, just a really, really cheap thrill.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32For you?
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Oh, hello.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35No, it's for her sister.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's for my very sexually frustrated sister.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Just a basic bunny would be great.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43OK, well, I'll see what I can dig out and you go browse.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Thanks.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52VIBRATOR BUZZES
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Oh.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Oh, I think you just...
0:14:55 > 0:14:57do it at the bottom.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02It's all in the twist.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Ooh.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Oh.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I know.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14You should totally get one of those.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- A vagina?- Yeah.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Oh, I've already got one.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Really? You have... No...
0:15:20 > 0:15:21You've got one?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I take it with me everywhere.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26You lie. You don't have one on you now?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Yep. Never going to get it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Where?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- Where's my vagina?- Yeah.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32- Where's my vagina?- Yeah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Ha, you got me.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I don't carry a vagina around with me,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41that would be way too provocative.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Didn't get it.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46OK, so this one's really great.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49It's half price because it's quite relentless.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51It's called the Burrower.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Basically it doesn't stop until you've cum.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Excuse me.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Oh, don't worry about him, he'll be fine in a minute.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Oh, my God, I love surprise parties.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04I love them, I love them, I love them.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Will your parents be there?
0:16:06 > 0:16:07- My dad might be...- Oh, intense.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Parents adore me.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15I want you to be totally in love with me by the end of the night.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16OK?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18CAR HORN TOOTS
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Who's that?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Oh, it's my sister.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- Oh, no! We're going to ruin the surprise.- No, no...
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- No, no, no.- No, really.- Get down.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28It will be fine.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29ALL: Surprise!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Oh, my God, thank you so much.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33I'm so surprised.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35She's very good.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38How divine. What a lovely husband you have.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Where is he then?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Ah. Busy.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I'm blown away.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I had absolutely no idea.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Hildegard, can I just grab you for a second?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52- Hello.- Hello.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, Dad, hi.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Thank you for asking, yeah, I'm essentially a documentary maker.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Docs.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04RAUCOUS LAUGH
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Oh, really? What is your latest project?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Well, sir, I'm interested in life,
0:17:10 > 0:17:15and how it affects lots of people in all sorts of different ways.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Yeah, it's awesome.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- How did you meet? - I met her on a bus.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22So easy to pick up girls these days.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26I was, like, "Hi", and she was, like, "Take my number."
0:17:26 > 0:17:27I was, like, "Yeah."
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'm just going to see if there are any other wines to try.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34It's lovely, I'm just going to see if there are some others.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Excuse me. Can't resist.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Did you find anything nicer?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Oh, I was so sorry to hear about Harry.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Lovely Harry.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Love Harry.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Exciting news about his new job.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Yes, very exciting.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I was so pleased that you'd found someone else so fast.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04I just can't stop conjuring an image of you sitting around that cafe,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07just all alone, feeling so terribly lonely.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Just can't stop picturing it.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I don't think you have to be alone to be lonely.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Dad always taught me that.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Did your father tell you that one of my pieces has gone missing?
0:18:20 > 0:18:21He did.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23That's awful, I'm so sorry.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25So sweet of you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Very sweet.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28May I cut in?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Yes, of course.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Do you know? You are the most perfect-looking pair.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Such a great gang.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Do you want some normal food?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42No, no.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44What I really want you to do...
0:18:45 > 0:18:46..is this.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48GLASS SMASHES
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Sorry, nothing happened.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I was trying to be sexy.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53It was, it was really sexy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54- Was it?- What broke?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56What broke? Show me.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Nothing, I just slipped.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Claire, this is my friend...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Yes, yes, we've already met.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02My wife.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05My wife.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06My wife.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11All of your desires are wrapped up in here.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14OK.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Open it.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Well, gold has always...
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Wow.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32That's really rather wonderful.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Thank you. What is it?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Is it a paperweight, or...?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37It is a shrine to your body...
0:19:39 > 0:19:40..because I love your body.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Thank you.- Wow.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Wow. This is really...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Can I... Can I see this?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50This is really quite something.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Wow, I think it's probably a bit inappropriate for your guests
0:19:53 > 0:19:56to see your body at this...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I'm just going to... Shall I put it somewhere safe?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16HE CLEARS THROAT
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Smooth.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23I told you I'd find you a buyer.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Your boy, he is hilarious, smart, funny...
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Fuck off.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36You'd fuck anything, wouldn't you?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Just don't tell her you got the statue from me, OK?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44How much do you want for it?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Finger up the ass, nipple tickle...?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Come on, lighten up.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56She's going to leave you one day.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02You looking forward to that?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22You're an asshole.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Hey.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Hey.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50I think you took my coat.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Oh.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I'm sorry, that's my coat.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Sorry.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Why you leaving so early?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00I have to give Hillary some Earl Grey.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02She's not feeling well, so...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Oh, I got you this.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Oh, I wasn't expecting anything.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14It's called a Burrower - it basically won't stop until you cum.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Sounds horrendous. Thank you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Good birthday business?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Huge.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You know, I don't want to jinx anything, but huge.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Could be life-changing.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Great.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34OK, happy birthday.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Thanks.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Are you OK?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Yeah.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41Tell the truth.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Are we leaving?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- Yes.- Birthday girl...
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Awesome party, thank you so much. We had such a great night.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Oh.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55What's that? Oh.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Goodnight.- Goodnight.- Night.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Shall we?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Surprisingly bony.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I'm nearly finished. I'm nearly finished.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23It's like having sex with a protractor.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26I'm finishing. I'm finishing.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I'm done. I'm done.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30- I'm done.- OK.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Yeah. Are you done?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Amazing. That was amazing.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- Yeah, yeah. - That was amazing.- Yeah.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- That was amazing.- Yeah.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52For fuck's sake.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53What?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58OK, you don't go through life with teeth like these
0:23:58 > 0:24:01and not know when someone's pretending.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- What the fuck is that?! I'll kick it.- No, no.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10I'll kick it.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11What?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Did we catch that, or is that yours?
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- That is a rat.- It's a guinea pig.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18That is a rat.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS