:00:24. > :00:34.Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Opinionated, tonight from
:00:34. > :00:39.Maidstone. It has been a strange week. Meryl
:00:39. > :00:44.Streep was in London this week, plugging her new film, the life
:00:44. > :00:47.story of Margaret Thatcher. It shows all of the years she was in
:00:47. > :00:57.power. The film has a 12 certificate but apparently it is
:00:57. > :00:58.
:00:58. > :01:02.not suitable for miners. I do not know if you have been
:01:02. > :01:12.watching I'm A Celebrity, but the big news was that Freddie Starr
:01:12. > :01:18.
:01:18. > :01:27.felt sick after meeting camel tour. -- toe.
:01:27. > :01:31.You get used to it. Hazi Abdul Noor has become the world's all this
:01:31. > :01:41.bridegroom, after marrying his 60- year-old girlfriend in India this
:01:41. > :01:46.
:01:46. > :01:49.week. Here they are. -- our oldest. You know when you meet someone for
:01:49. > :01:53.the first time in a cafe or something and they're a bit late,
:01:53. > :02:02.you start thinking they do not fancy you. In this case you would
:02:02. > :02:07.think, he is dead. You can imagine their married life,
:02:07. > :02:14.with her saying, do you fancy breakfast in bed? And him saying,
:02:14. > :02:24.let's see how it goes? A woman in Russia claims that for
:02:24. > :02:28.the last two years she has had an alien in her fridge. I would say
:02:28. > :02:36.that, at any one time, I have at least three things in my vegetable
:02:36. > :02:42.drawer that look like that. This was the picture that appeared in
:02:42. > :02:48.the papers. What worries me about that is that it is on the top shelf.
:02:48. > :02:56.You see the plates underneath? I don't want aliens dripping into my
:02:56. > :03:03.food. Oxford City Council have planned to put CCTV in all of the
:03:03. > :03:08.city's taxis. That is going to be very embarrassing, isn't it? The
:03:08. > :03:13.this is a sensitive subject, but I once had the physical liaison in
:03:13. > :03:21.the back of a mini cab. I do not want to go into detail, but I can
:03:21. > :03:31.still remember the street lights reflecting on her scratchy. It was
:03:31. > :03:36.
:03:36. > :03:45.quite exciting. -- scrunchy. Anywhere on the left will be fine!
:03:46. > :03:52.I did not know who to payee first. Anyway, let's get started. Please
:03:52. > :04:02.welcome my guests, Sarah Millican and Alun Cochrane.
:04:02. > :04:15.
:04:15. > :04:18.You have done this show before, Sarah. Alun, you are new to it. I
:04:18. > :04:24.usually start by letting the audience bring up a subject for us
:04:24. > :04:30.to discuss. This audience look like they are straining at the leash.
:04:30. > :04:34.There is a lady with blond hair. you think the world will be a
:04:34. > :04:37.poorer place without people like Silvio Berlusconi on the stage, or
:04:37. > :04:44.is there always another buffoon to take the Place?
:04:44. > :04:52.I once saw a horrible story about him, allegedly with seven
:04:52. > :04:59.prostitutes in a room. The comment underneath, from one bloke, was
:04:59. > :05:04.legend. I do not know how you can manage seven people in a hotel room.
:05:04. > :05:09.There are two glasses, two cups. There is maybe a beaker in the
:05:09. > :05:13.bathroom. Not even everybody can have a drink, can they? He has not
:05:14. > :05:18.thought it through. I think he was thinking of the number of segments
:05:18. > :05:28.in a Chocolate bar. Many other stories we can discuss
:05:28. > :05:31.
:05:31. > :05:41.before we move on? What about the man in lavender? Justine Bebo's
:05:41. > :05:52.
:05:52. > :05:58.apparent baby. -- Bieber. What age are you? 16? Lovely. Would
:05:58. > :06:08.you call that should lavender? I would. I feel we have all the
:06:08. > :06:13.
:06:13. > :06:23.facts now. Justin's apparent baby - discuss.
:06:23. > :06:25.
:06:25. > :06:35."apparent baby", did you say? I quite like the idea that Justin
:06:35. > :06:42.
:06:42. > :06:52.Apparently, he spent three-and-a- half minutes in Berlusconi's Patel
:06:52. > :06:57.
:06:57. > :07:01.run. -- hotel room. "come on, Justin, I haven't got all night." I
:07:02. > :07:08.think the latest is that he is not the father. Can I ask how many
:07:08. > :07:14.people have been watching I'm A Celebrity? There is a girl called
:07:14. > :07:20.Jessica Jane Clement. We have a picture of her. It is a classic
:07:20. > :07:25.model picture, showing quite a lovely engagement ring. This is her
:07:25. > :07:29.publicity shot just before going into the jungle. Suddenly that ring
:07:29. > :07:33.has disappeared. The makers of the show said it would not be so good
:07:33. > :07:37.if she wore an engagement ring on the show because it would take some
:07:37. > :07:42.of the tension out of it with some of the other contestants. Is it not
:07:42. > :07:52.just because she is going to be in the jungle, she will probably lose
:07:52. > :07:54.
:07:54. > :08:04.it? Perhaps it is in her shoe with her watch. She is going swimming.
:08:04. > :08:07.Do you know who Kim Kardashian his? She recently got married and then
:08:07. > :08:13.divorced fairly quickly. This is her husband, he is called Kris
:08:13. > :08:22.Humphries. He is a basketball player. He bought her an engagement
:08:22. > :08:28.ring which is worth �1.2 million. Does anyone think she is entitled
:08:28. > :08:38.to keep it? All: Yes.
:08:38. > :08:45.
:08:45. > :08:55.Mainly female voices there. know money you spend on your own
:08:55. > :08:58.
:08:58. > :09:02.idiocy, you call it idiot tax. When you spend money on your own
:09:02. > :09:07.stupidity, like I have some friends who locked themselves out of their
:09:07. > :09:12.own house when they were drunk and then had to pay 80 quid to a
:09:12. > :09:18.locksmith to get back in. That is a dear tax. It is a nice
:09:18. > :09:20.philosophical way of looking at it. And there is a Phyllis up of --
:09:21. > :09:26.philosophical things where, when you put jeans on you have not warm
:09:26. > :09:36.for a while, and you find a fibre of a tenor, I always consider that
:09:36. > :09:41.
:09:41. > :09:44.a tax rebate. -- a fibre, or �10. Can I ask a question? It is
:09:44. > :09:49.recommended in the UK that the price of the engagement ring should
:09:49. > :09:59.be a month's wages for a man. Would you say that was about what you
:09:59. > :09:59.
:09:59. > :10:03.spend? Roughly, yeah. Roughly under or over? Under. Why did you feel
:10:03. > :10:07.you needed it? Why not go straight to the wedding ring? It is
:10:08. > :10:15.traditional, isn't it? OK. thought I would do what everyone
:10:15. > :10:25.else does. That is a great attitude. Not dissimilar to that adopted in
:10:25. > :10:29.
:10:29. > :10:39.Nazi Germany. In Maidstone that could be applause for Nazi Germany.
:10:39. > :10:44.Our marriages a conversation that got out of hand, honestly. -- our
:10:44. > :10:49.marriage is. We were having a chat, my wife was washing up and then we
:10:49. > :10:52.were booking a wedding. It's true. Me and my boyfriend have been
:10:52. > :10:58.together for five years. We don't want to get married or engaged, we
:10:58. > :11:05.are happy as things are. Last Christmas, you know it is a
:11:05. > :11:11.traditional time to get engaged, we bought a box set of The Wire. We
:11:12. > :11:21.thought that was a long-term commitment.
:11:22. > :11:26.
:11:26. > :11:31.If you can establish that the ring that you used was a family heirloom
:11:31. > :11:35.of the man, he can usually get it back. When William and Katie used
:11:35. > :11:45.his mum's engagement ring, he could have got that back. I suppose he
:11:45. > :11:51.could have had her murdered in the night. We have a picture of the
:11:51. > :11:59.very beautiful Kate Middleton in die and a's ring. I think that is
:11:59. > :12:09.Prince Harry's hand on the left. He is a character! Let me show you
:12:09. > :12:19.something. What you think of this? This is rather stylish, I think.
:12:19. > :12:23.This, believe it or not, is called a mangagement ring. I think you can
:12:23. > :12:27.probably guess what it is. There is a fashion now, certainly in America
:12:27. > :12:37.at but apparently catching on here, of men wearing engagement rings as
:12:37. > :12:41.well as women. Michael Buble, the singer, loving it. Are there Rennie
:12:41. > :12:51.men here who would be quite keen on a mangagement ring?
:12:51. > :12:54.
:12:54. > :12:59.Only if it is worth 1.2 million! The man in a stripy shirt. I have a
:12:59. > :13:03.question. Do you think there is a time when you would take your
:13:03. > :13:11.wedding or engagement rings off and go out for the night? If so, why
:13:11. > :13:20.would you do that? You are not the man from We By Your
:13:20. > :13:25.Gold? Do you wear a wedding ring? would not take it off for the night.
:13:25. > :13:30.I think you know why we would do that. It is like saying, would you
:13:30. > :13:38.try to commit infidelity whilst on the telly? But would you admit
:13:38. > :13:43.that? No. No I wouldn't, and no I wouldn't.
:13:43. > :13:46.We have Dan Flanagan in the audience. Before we speak to you, I
:13:46. > :13:51.would like to show a little clip. Some of you will remember that
:13:51. > :13:57.there was a thing called the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, which
:13:57. > :14:03.is empty a lot of the time. A lot of people were given an hour each
:14:03. > :14:11.to do whatever they wanted to do on it. Here is a clip of Dan won the
:14:11. > :14:21.4th plinth. -- on the 4th plinth. Can I have you're attention,
:14:21. > :14:27.
:14:27. > :14:33.please? Sam, will you marry me? You had an owl on the 4th plinth.
:14:33. > :14:39.The whole thing wasn't a proposal, was it? No, the first 55 minutes
:14:39. > :14:44.was me, making a fool of myself. What would you have done it sheered
:14:44. > :14:48.said no? You couldn't the proposal at the beginning of it, and then we
:14:48. > :14:56.could have seen you crying for the next 55 minutes. I would have watch
:14:56. > :15:05.that. Maybe chatting up other women? Bringing them up on their
:15:05. > :15:13.left. Yeah, that's the best, cherry picker. Have you since got married?
:15:13. > :15:23.Yes, a year later. We are just about to have a baby, as well. It's
:15:23. > :15:27.
:15:27. > :15:36.Did you go on a plinth to do that, as well? You should call it Charles
:15:36. > :15:40.now. Plinth Charles. You used to make it a massive thing, an
:15:40. > :15:44.engagement, and if you broke it, you could be sued by the woman.
:15:44. > :15:48.There was a breach of promise. It was a really serious thing because
:15:48. > :15:52.the feeling was that the women's reputation had been tarnished
:15:52. > :16:00.because people would say, maybe there is something a bit strange
:16:00. > :16:06.about her. How long ago was this? don't think it was changed until
:16:06. > :16:13.1970, seriously. You could be done for breach of promise. Ridiculous.
:16:13. > :16:23.Times were different back then. We don't mind them a bit shop-soiled
:16:23. > :16:24.
:16:24. > :16:26.now. In those days, it was a do not beat if the scene is broken. I
:16:26. > :16:31.think, personally, this is my own idea, to replace the engagement
:16:31. > :16:41.ring. I think this is rather beautiful. What do you think about
:16:41. > :16:50.
:16:50. > :17:00.I reckon you'd save �1.2 million there. George Michael would love
:17:00. > :17:07.
:17:07. > :17:14.There has been that a report this week are that 51.3% of the
:17:14. > :17:20.population don't sleep or sleeper very badly, and it's becoming a
:17:20. > :17:26.widespread problem. Mainly due to old fashioned stress. It's sad, I
:17:26. > :17:33.know. Anyone here have trouble sleeping? Every night, really. I'm
:17:33. > :17:38.not sure it's my husband snoring. Next door? Next to me, snoring.
:17:38. > :17:43.Worrying about things during the day, the children. Just struggling
:17:43. > :17:52.going to sleep. Have you come up with any methods to help you to
:17:52. > :18:00.sleep? Drug-induced, generally. Lovely. Sleeping tablets? Yes,
:18:00. > :18:06.basically. The things you worry about would be, the children, work,
:18:06. > :18:12.everything. I'm a worrier. The tiniest minor thing. Would you
:18:12. > :18:18.worry about big things, global warming? No, not at all. Famine in
:18:18. > :18:28.Africa? No, I'm quite selfish, because it's all about my life.
:18:28. > :18:31.
:18:31. > :18:36.think that's fair enough. Don't Do you sleep all right? Yes, but I
:18:36. > :18:46.have got methods. I don't live with my partner, so I sleep better when
:18:46. > :18:52.he's not there because he snores as well. And sometimes, I a, sort of...
:18:52. > :19:02.This is going a bit silver Berlusconi is! Sometimes I sort
:19:02. > :19:06.
:19:06. > :19:15.I don't enjoy it. It's purely medicinal. I like the idea of what
:19:15. > :19:20.sorting yourself out. In Wales, they count sheep. Can I ask, has
:19:20. > :19:24.anyone ever actually tried counting sheep in order to get to sleep? Is
:19:24. > :19:31.that just the thing people say? That girl has, I can tell by her
:19:31. > :19:39.expression. I have tried it. It Of you just feel stupid, to be
:19:39. > :19:46.honest. How far did you get? think my record is 33 or something.
:19:46. > :19:54.You keep a record?! I think that might be your problem. But the idea
:19:54. > :19:59.is to let yourself go. This could be a personal best denied. That's
:19:59. > :20:06.not going to help. Is there anyone who admits they get stressed out by
:20:06. > :20:14.things? That man at the back. taxi-driver in Maidstone. OK. I
:20:14. > :20:19.take a point. What is the nature of the stress in your job? You just
:20:19. > :20:23.don't know who you are picking up and you can end up with all sorts
:20:23. > :20:28.in the back of for the have you had to challenge people in the past?
:20:28. > :20:38.Yes, I have, and I have found the golden rule is to not get out of
:20:38. > :20:43.
:20:43. > :20:50.For how many taxis did you lose Anyone got any tips for stress
:20:50. > :20:56.relief? What do you do? That lady at the back with, I nearly said the
:20:56. > :21:03.big hair, but I thought better of it. Dancing. Would you dance on
:21:03. > :21:11.your own in the house? Yes. Really? Do you put music on or is it in
:21:11. > :21:18.your head? You might have headphones on now for lino! -- for
:21:18. > :21:23.all I know! Sleep is the best cure for stress. This is a bed they
:21:23. > :21:33.tried to come up with in the 1950s, and it is supposed to be the answer
:21:33. > :21:33.
:21:33. > :21:41.ANNOUNCER: Adjusted now for sleep, take the bed and lower it for the
:21:41. > :21:45.night. I wrote to the sleeping porch, to return in the same manner
:21:45. > :21:54.in the morning it to the warmer bedroom after a night of rest for
:21:54. > :22:03.I live in south Manchester. I don't think it would be that peaceable. I
:22:03. > :22:10.would end up covered in fireworks and the bed has gone. Sleeping on a
:22:10. > :22:15.house bricks. Public speaking is regarded as one of the absolute
:22:15. > :22:21.most stressful things up as a has anyone had terrible speaking in
:22:21. > :22:25.public experiences? What about this young, handsome man at the front?
:22:26. > :22:33.Yes, when I made an opening speech and I tend to speak very fast when
:22:33. > :22:43.I'm nervous, so people thought I was Welsh. In what context? I work
:22:43. > :22:53.for an organisation bringing people to politics for the. What is it
:22:53. > :22:59.
:22:59. > :23:09.called? I've never heard of it. Bite the ballot. I'll, AC. -- Oh, I
:23:09. > :23:10.
:23:10. > :23:19.see. It's November and also known as Movember. The basic idea is that
:23:19. > :23:28.men are grow moustaches for charity for the. Slightly problematic for
:23:28. > :23:33.me because we used to call homosexuals Mos. For me, it
:23:33. > :23:39.suggests a whole different sort of event. Have you ever had a
:23:40. > :23:45.moustache? I've had a very ginger beard. But I haven't got them at
:23:46. > :23:50.the moment. I spotted that. They're supposed to be a female version
:23:50. > :24:00.because we can't really join in so much with it, but there is a female
:24:00. > :24:04.
:24:04. > :24:14.one recalled Fannuary! That sounds good. I notice there is a man here,
:24:14. > :24:14.
:24:14. > :24:22.with a moustache. They are quite rare at the moment. It is for
:24:22. > :24:26.Movember. Its come on a treat. getting out of hand now but it's
:24:26. > :24:32.got to go until the end of the month to make a valid. Are you
:24:32. > :24:42.allowed to trim it? It doesn't look cool, so you may as well keep it.
:24:42. > :24:45.
:24:45. > :24:51.It does. It doesn't. It moves back to the Movember I thought it was!
:24:51. > :24:56.You have combined all the meanings. When it's weird, and it's just a
:24:56. > :25:01.beard, and that bit there his beard. How much would you have to hate a
:25:01. > :25:06.moustache to grow a beard in isolation. The Amish community,
:25:06. > :25:13.lots of them in America, look at this for a fabulous ante moustache
:25:13. > :25:18.stance. They look like they are passing through clouds of. They
:25:18. > :25:27.look like they are on the last day, don't they? They should be able to
:25:27. > :25:33.pull them down like that. I have got a picture of me with a beard.
:25:33. > :25:41.They used to be men like that on at the news every night in the 1970s.
:25:41. > :25:51.Most of them were not eating at all well. Robert Perez, he used to play
:25:51. > :25:53.
:25:53. > :26:02.for Arsenal, and he looked like he That, to me, looks like he has got
:26:02. > :26:12.a mouth on a stick. This is JD a mouth on a stick. This is JD
:26:12. > :26:16.Samson. I can do that. It's funny you should say that because JD
:26:16. > :26:24.Samson is a woman from the band Le Tigre, and has made a positive
:26:24. > :26:34.stance, why should she works at off? Not keen? Is she growing at or
:26:34. > :26:35.
:26:36. > :26:43.has she had radiation? She is picking up a wife buy signal. --
:26:43. > :26:50.wi-fi. When you wash your face, do we use shampoo on your beard?
:26:50. > :26:56.yes, you have do otherwise you get dandruff. You can get dandruff.
:26:56. > :27:03.could use a head-and-shoulders up. And it turns. They should bring it
:27:03. > :27:09.out -- and churn ups. You separately do it? What is the
:27:09. > :27:14.process? There is always enough shampoo left Dover, after my hair,
:27:14. > :27:20.to do the front as well -- left over. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.
:27:20. > :27:26.It's very nice and it suits you. Some people, like Noel Edmonds,
:27:26. > :27:32.could you imagine him up without a beard? Do no. Well, let me help you.
:27:32. > :27:37.It looks like he has shaved his lips off as well and his teeth for
:27:37. > :27:40.the maybe that's why he has got a beard. Some people do it to
:27:40. > :27:47.compensate for the if you have got a week jawline, it's a good thing
:27:47. > :27:52.to have. I used to watch swap shop for sub I tell you what I didn't
:27:52. > :27:59.like about it. You know when you have a cover on the back of a sofa,
:27:59. > :28:08.just to give it a bit of... They used to have some really weird ones
:28:08. > :28:13.on Swap Shop. What are you offering? To me, that's
:28:13. > :28:19.inappropriate on a children's TV show. What was he swapping it for?